Hongjoon stared at the glass of champagne in his hand, the booming sound of music overshadowed by his train of thoughts.
He looked around to see his bandmates and best friend’s having fun, wooyoung san yunho and mingi were off to the side dancing to whichever song was playing, seonghwa was busy talking with jonho and eden about their upcoming comeback and yeosang was sitting in front of him enjoying the song that was playing all over the club.
He should have been happy, he should have been enjoying their night, that party was specially organized by the company to celebrate the achievement of their first daesang, he should be drunk dancing with the rest.
But he just couldn’t take his mind off of you.
It has been three months since you left, it has been three months since he last heard your voice or watched your face and it was killing him.
It was all his fault.
The sound of your voice yelling at him, yelling about how much you hated him and how you wished you had never met him, the door slamming and the absolute silence that followed.
The peace after the chaos
Except it wasn’t peace, it was pain.
He didn’t feel it at first, he thought (hoped) you were bluffing, that it was just an argument that escalated to quickly, he thought you would just go out for some air and come back to him. And he kept telling himself that.
Every day when he came to the empty apartment he would tell himself that you would be back, that this wasn’t over.
Then those days turned into weeks and those weeks turned into months and before he knew it it had been three months and you weren’t back, three months and no word from you.
It was then when he realized you weren’t coming back, but he didn’t come to that conclusion on his own, seonghwa had to literally shake him from his daydream, you weren’t coming back, and when that settled in the pain took over his body.
The hole in his chest growing with every passing moment, his throat never stopped burning and his eyes constantly threatened to spill the tears that were gathering inside of him, but he refused to cry.
He refused to show any sign of weakness, he had to stay strong.
But he wasn’t strong enough.
He straightened up and drank the whole glass of champagne in one go earning an odd look from yeosang and without a word hongjoong stood up and walked out of the club, ignoring all the calls of his name.
He bumped into a few executives who stopped to congratulate him but he ignored everyone and called a taxi, and before he realized what he was doing he was gone.
Ten minutes later he found himself in front of your apartment, standing in the street his stare on the window in the third floor, the one in your living room.
He didn’t know what he was doing there, he didn’t know if he was hoping you would see him standing there and run into his arms to kiss him and tell him how much you had missed him.
But the lights were off, and that could only mean two things, either you were asleep or you were out, he thought that the first option was more viable since you weren’t one to go out at this time of the night.
He got his answer when he saw you walking to the door, holding the hand of another guy, hongjoong sucked in a breath when he noticed that you were wearing his favorite dress, the one he bought you in Paris.
The guy whispered something to you and even with the dim lights of the street, he saw you blush following it by a giggle and his heart sunk.
He lost you.
He turned around and walked away before you could notice his presence.
He walked as fast as he could and when he was at a considerable distance of your house he dropped to his knees and cried, he let go of everything he was holding inside, it was over, there was no more pretending no more lying to himself, you were gone and you weren’t coming back.
He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulders but when he turned around he saw seonghwa and yeosang looking at him with a worried face, and without a word, he got up and hugged seonghwa who hugged him back right away, he felt yeosang hug him from behind and he let go of everything.
When he was done crying he pulled away and rubbed his face, getting rid of the remaining tears on his cheeks, yeosang’s hand never left his shoulder.
Hongjoong sighed and looked up.
“I lost her”