You sat in your empty and darkroom staring out of the window while you played with your ring, the ring yeosang gave you with the promise that one day the two of you would get married and go on a tour around the world for your honeymoon.
What a beautiful promise
You looked around and sighed, you stood up and started to pack your stuff.
You can’t really pinpoint the moment things started to fall apart, it felt like one day the two of you were in love and on top of the world and the next one you were strangers falling off of the edge of the world.
But as you packed and looked back in your relationship you could really see that you had been hanging off the edge for a really long time, you could see yourself fighting for the relationship, trying to make things work and yeosang didn’t make things easier for you.
You knew since the beginning of your relationship that he would put his career first, and you were ok with that mainly because he promised that you two would make things work no matter what, and the help from his bandmates has been a lot easier to make everything work out.
You fell into a routine that you liked, a routine that you got used to.
He would tell you ateez’s plans for the week and you two would meet at your apartment whenever you two were free if he had to travel he would face time you, and even when he was super busy he would still manage to hold a conversation through text, sometimes he didn’t have time for a conversation but he would still send you pictures, small phrases or songs he thought you would enjoy.
And you were fine with that, even if there were times where you wouldn’t see each other for a week, it still worked, and you were ok with that.
Well, you were ok with that until one of your friends pointed out how you always arranged your life around yeosang and his work.
You didn’t want to believe that was true, because you were happy, you worked from home so there wasn’t really a need to arrange a time table because you basically worked whenever you could.
But she opened your eyes and even though you didn’t want to she was right.
When was the last time you spent your free time doing something without yeosang? When was the last time you didn’t arrange your week to see when you could go out for a date? When was the last time you felt like you had a say in the relationship?
No, yeosang wasn’t a controlling boyfriend, in fact he was the contrary he let you live your life and do as you please as long as you wouldn’t hurt him, you or the relationship.
But now that you looked back you could see how your relationship was turning into a cage, you could see what your friend meant and it hurt you.
Because yeosang was the best boyfriend he could be with the time he had, he was sweet caring and he loved you, oh, how much he loved you.
But he also fell into the routine, he fell into the routine and stopped trying and suddenly your relationship was becoming a cage and only you could see the bars.
You talked to him, you thought you should, after all, maybe you could find a way to change things and make things work better, but he didn’t see it, he couldn’t understand what you meant and thought you were telling him that he should pay more attention to you instead of his career, maybe you worded things wrong and maybe the argument that ensued was all a misunderstanding.
It wasn’t the first argument you had but the other ones usually ended with one of you apologizing for what you said or did wrong and you would work out things, everything would go back to normal but this time was different, you didn’t want to apologize, you didn’t have anything to apologize for, maybe you did but were too stubborn and to controlled by the stress this whole issue was giving you, you didn’t want to give in.
And a part of you thought that he would be the one to come first, he would be the one to say something, the first one to give in, but he didn’t, he didn’t care and it hurt you.
He was losing you and he didn’t care.
So there you were, standing in the now empty room, looking at the boxes and suitcases ready to move away, away from Seoul, away from South Korea and away from your boyfriend.
But you were still holding, you were still waiting for something, a text, a call, anything would do, you told yourself that you would cancel your trip back home and you would work things out if he just texted you, anything would do, a text, a call a picture even an emoji would make you feel better but there was nothing but radio silence.
You sighed and stood up to walk to the entrance before you left you wrote a lengthy note to yeosang and on the side, you left your keys and your ring.
You have finally given up.