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How to Disappear Completely

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Dear Maddie,

I thought I would send you a text too, just like I did to everyone else. But I couldn’t. You’re the only person who I believe still loves me, you’re my only family left and I felt that I needed to let you know why I did what I did.

The truth is Mads, I am tired. I’m tired of not being good enough. I’m tired of being left behind while everyone else moves on. I’m tired of waiting for scraps of affection and acknowledgement from the people who I thought were my family. It’s funny. They always used to joke that I’m like an overgrown puppy, but in reality, even a dog is treated better than I was since the lawsuit.

They think I did it for the job. They didn’t realise that the only thing I did it for was them. I wanted to be close to them. I wanted to work with them, to watch their backs and have them watch mine. All of them have a life outside of work, outside of our team. Do I? The only person I have outside of the team is you. And in one move Bobby had taken away everything from me except you Mads.

I used think family meant making mistakes and having disagreements, but making up at the end because you love each other. I realised too late that the crew was never a family. At least I was not a part of it.

I’m sorry Mads. But I don’t see any other option left for me. I cannot go on living like this. I know you’ll be upset but don’t worry. You won’t miss me that much. You have your friends and you have Chimney. I know you’re gonna be taken care of. Please don’t be too hard on Chimney, he really does love you very much. I know I’m not easy to love. I don’t blame them for not trying to.

Please contact Mrs. Veronica Adams of the Adams & Smith Firm. She is my lawyer and has all the paperwork for my will. I have left everything to Christopher. I’m sorry Maddie. But I know you’re more than capable of looking after yourself. I just want Eddie and Chris to not have to worry about a single thing till Chris is of age. I know how hard Eddie works to keep up with all of their expenses and Christopher’s medical needs and still keep their head above water. You know how much I hate my inheritance. Better to put that money to good use. Please tell Chris how much I love him and that it is not, NOT, his fault that I’m no longer around. Tell him that I’m always going to love him and that I’m always going to look after him. And whenever he feels alone, to just close his eyes and talk to me, I will always hear him.

It’s time for me to go Mads. I love you so much. You’re the best big sister one can ask for. I’m sorry I wasn’t the little brother that you deserved. You deserve so much better than what you got in me.

Goodbye Maddie.

Loving you always,

Your brother.