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The Office: Yakuza Edition!?

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Kazama-Sera Real Estate is merely a front for Shintaro Kazama and Masaru Sera’s money laundering and yakuza relations. It’s not like many of the employees had a clue, aside from those who worked at corporate and a select few.  


Amongst the well-informed were Jun Oda and Goro Majima, likely due to their close relations with Kiryu, the President of Sales. Speaking of which, it was about eight thirty on Tuesday night, Jun and Kazuma were currently speeding towards a yakuza-related “assignment” which, in simple terms, was an order to go beat the shit out of the men of Peace Finance. 


Kiryu’s crimson ferrari sped down the street’s damp surface, streaks of moonlight shimmering against blood red paint. The acceleration called upon a chilly breeze, which stealthily crept through the slightly opened windows, tickling thick strands of Oda’s silky brown hair. 


“So how much money did these dickheads borrow from Kazama-san?” The “salesman” queried, well-defined features shifting to look at his coworker and friend. The other man’s piercing grey eyes remained locked in a forward glare, calloused hands clutching the steering wheel. 


“Like 2.5 million dollars,” The Dragon of Dojima grunted while a trail of golden streetlight wandered down his expensive white-striped suit jacket. 


“So I’m assuming they’ve barely made any payments, seeing we're about to go sock them.” 


“Yeah. Rumour has it they’ve recently made a series of large investments which provided a pretty decent payout, so it’s not like they don’t have the cash.”


With that revelation, Oda snorted, a playfully arrogant grin spreading across his soft pink lips. 


“‘Peace’ Finance my ass.” 


Kazuma merely nodded in agreement before guiding the automobile into a smooth right turn, scorching rubber tires dragging against grey pavement. 


“After this, I’m meeting your kyodai and Reina at Club Venus to get lit, you want to roll through?” 


That prompted the President to briskly turn his head to face the other man, eyebrows furrowing to match the look of bewilderment sprawled across his mouth. 


“You’re getting drunk...on a Tuesday? Not to mention a work night...” 


This drew a shrug out of Jun, who could only offer Reina’s explanation. 


“I guess they do it pretty often. If I’m being honest, sometimes they come into work looking like they’re half dead. Maybe they both have a drinking problem or-” 


“-I would know if Nishiki was an alcoholic,” Kiryu declared, almost defensively. 


“Chill out, it was just a joke. But from friend to friend, Nishiki’s under the impression you want nothing to do with him. Ya didn’t hear that from me.” 


“What? He said that?” 


“Not explicitly. I overhear him confiding in Reina-chan sometimes. You should probably try to talk to him about that.” 


At that, his boss simply left him hanging, instead turning his attention to parallel parking the vehicle about half a block away from their destination, his confident hand shifting the gear stick to park. 


“You ready?” The Dragon questioned his partner as he placed one foot on the chilly pavement, and expelled himself from the driver’s side.


“Hell yeah,” Jun grinned, lazily tossing his brown and white suit jacket into the front seat before proceeding to crack his knuckles. 


As if their hectic life was an action movie, the two badass men began to close in on the unsuspecting financing firm, the disconcerting January air wrapping around their muscular bodies as a sign of destruction to come. 


The blaring lights of New York City began to fade into the unreachable distance while Kazuma and Jun descended into the shadowy strip of the targeted shady business. Footsteps of the innocent continued to trek towards the welcoming and well-lit city, leaving but two sets echoing through the dark, like two vipers ready to strike at any given moment.  


Approaching the rusted back door revealed it had ordinarily been locked, the taller of the two jiggling the frigid handle aggressively. 


“We breakin’ in this bitch?” the salesman thought aloud, releasing his vice grip on the knob as he turned to his superior. 


A silent nod provided Oda with all the approval he needed, unleashing the relentless beast within him. After taking a deep breath to puff up his broad chest, he ruthlessly rammed one of his burly shoulders against the decayed hunk of metal, shattering the puny hinges in one go. 


The ear-piercing crash that followed his powerful movement revealed his success, the thundurus sound of metal impacting concrete dripping down the graffiti-coated alley walls. 


With such a deficient obstacle eliminated, the men entered with extreme ease, waltzing in with unwavering confidence as they prepared to conquer unknown territory. Just as it appeared on the outside, the interior was rather outdated and crammed. 


Behind the (now unhinged) door proved to be an equally decrepit hallway, the floor had been patterned like a chessboard, the white tinted grey with age and the black faded to a sickly green, not to mention the countless cracks in these tiles. 


“Aight, who the fuck would work here? Place looks worse than a crackhouse,” Jun spat as his soulful gaze trailed up towards the ceiling, observing a flicking panel of artificial light, a spider's silhouette creepily visible as it wandered across the illuminated abyss. Bruh moment. 


“Peace Finance has been known to “disappear” when they have debt to pay. I doubt this is any sort of permanent workspace,” Kiryu explained as he took a step further into the structure. 


“It doesn’t seem very Kazama-like to loan money to a company with such a shit reputation.”


“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” 


The men continued to saunter down the ominous corridor, passing a series of closed doors until a dimly lit clearing came into view. The right hand wall sharply turned ninety degrees, revealing a disorganized area with a series of couches and desks, or rather, a pitiful attempt at an office. 


That’s when Kiryu’s hardened glare landed upon a sliver of luminance peeking out beneath a door, opposite from their current position. 


The targets had been located. 


Mere seconds later, Oda had picked up on this as well, a silent glance was exchanged between the two, expressing mutual agreement. 


Like a rope had snapped, the Dragon and the Bat were unleashed, the insatiable flame igniting within two pairs of smouldering eyes, ready to feast upon their unsuspecting prey.



It had been about forty five minutes since Oda and Kiryu successfully broke into and entered the Peace Finance establishment, the two emerging victorious, wads of tightly wrapped cash piling within their strapping arms. 


Of course, this hadn’t happened without some sort of resistance, the President of the corrupt company, Hirata and several of his lackeys battling to protect their precious safe. Clearly, the foolish man led his team into a fight they would certainly lose. That would serve as a sufficient explanation as to why they lay in the boss’s office, battered and bleeding, as their safe was rightfully raided. 


Just as Jun haphazardly tossed the final stacks of currency into the trunk of their “getaway” car, the exhaustingly cheerful chime of his iPhone began to cry into the shivery city air. This prompted the man to reach his bruised hand into his left pocket, swiftly removing the device from its secure hiding spot. 


“The fuck? Why’s Majima calling me this late?” He expressed his utter confusion, leaving his internalized worry unnoticed. With that, his blood-stained thumb pressed firmly against the green circle, answering the call. 


“Uh..hello? Wha-”




His frantic hollering raced through the line, at such a loud volume Kiryu could hear it from five feet away, prompting the taller man to create some distance between his ear and the phone. 


“What the hell’s going on?” The Dragon questioned, approaching the other man in an attempt to hear Majima’s cries. 


Oda could only offer a blank expression, as he too was in the dark of the current situation. 


“Majima! Slow down! What’s happening!?” 


“Brrrrrr- okay! I need you to come pick me up!” 


“Do you want me to call an ambulance?”


“No, just come pick me up. Hurry!” 


After that the line went dead, a dull, constant ring replacing the one eyed man’s jumpy vocals. 

“Well?” Kiryu stated, expectedly. 


“He- he says he’s bleeding and wants us to pick him up.” 


“Shit, we better hurry then.” 




“Heyyyy daddies!~ <3” The Regional Manager chirped as he waltzed up to the passenger side of the vehicle, before tagging a prolonged drag from his cigarette. A quick observation revealed he was completely unharmed, his black furry jacket hanging open to reveal his toned chest. 


“What the fuck? I thought you said you were bleeding?” Oda spat as he rolled down the window, furious glare trailing the man from head to toe. 


“Nope, it’s just that no one answers or calls back unless I say it’s an emergency or somethin’. I need a ride to Walmart, I’m all out of Lucky Charms,” the raven haired man giggled as a soothing peal of wind tickled the fur upon his jacket. 


“Are you fucking serious, Majima? What the fuck happened to your car?” Kazuma hollered as he leaned to his left in order to interrogate the man. 


“It’s in the shop, Kiryu-chaaan~” He explained before tossing his cigarette to the ground, roughly stomping on it, sending smouldering embers into the nighttime plain. 


“You get into an accident or something?” 


“Yup. There’s this huge ass dent in the hood from where I hit the lady,” Goro stated, rather casually, as he swung open the back door and hopped on in. 


“Get out of my goddamn car,” the driver demanded, a stern and unfaltering tone drenching each word. 


That was when an obnoxiously bright light spread throughout the Ferrari, stinging both Kiryu and Oda’s watering eyes. 


“Say hi to my Snap guys. Y’all won’t believe this, these two hotties came rushing to the rescue. Best boyfriends ever <3~” The man explained to his viewers. 


“We’re not your boyfriends, I’m dating Yumi,” Kazuma gruffly explained. 


“Yeah, sorry Majima, but you’re not really my type,” Jun chimed in, just as the luminance faded to comforting darkness. 


“There's a Walmart just outside the city that’s open twenty-four seven! Let’s goooo~!” Their unexpected passenger exclaimed before popping his head between the passenger and driver’s seat. 


“I mean we’re already here, might as well take the guy,” the salesman reasoned, just as he opened his text conversation with Reina to inform her he wasn’t going to make it to Club Venus. 


Sorry, Rei, but I’m needed elsewhere. I can’t make it tonight. Stay safe .”


“Ugh. Fine. You’d better make it quick. Get your fuckin’ cereal and get out.” Kiryu responded, shifting the gear to Drive. 


“Wooo hooooo!” Majima cheered at an extremely high volume, right into the other two men’s ears. 


“Oda-kun, give me the AUX.” 


NO. ” 


“Pleaaaase~ My phone’s at six percent! How else am I gonna Apple Pay!? It needs to be charged!” 


Yeah, that was definitely a mistake, confirmed when Bodak Yellow began blaring out of the speakers at max volume. 


Certified. Bruh. Moment.