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Tear Me Apart

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Justin stands in the darkened hotel hallway with his eyes closed. He wants to put his forehead up against the door in front of him just to see if it’s as cool and appealing as it looks, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sighs heavily and knocks on it.

It’s the middle of the night and he knows it, so he’s not at all surprised when he doesn’t hear anything inside the room after the first knock. He knocks again, waits, and knocks once more before he finally does hear some muffled grumbling and shuffling.

Lights come on under the door and it swings open to reveal Ryan’s exhausted face, deep bags under his barely-open eyes.

“What the fuck, dude?” he demands, not meeting Justin’s gaze straight on. Justin’s not even sure Ryan actually knows who’s standing in front of him, but that’s fine. All Justin had needed was company - it didn’t even really matter to him if Ryan immediately went back to sleep.

“Sorry, I just…” Justin trails off, forcing tears to stay the fuck out of his eyes. He didn’t come here for sympathy, didn’t come here to pour all his bullshit out just yet. “I just can’t be alone right now.”

Ryan looks up for the first time properly, his dark eyes meeting Justin’s.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and the three simple words make Justin feel like all the air’s been knocked right out of him.

“No,” he whispers, shaking his head. His longer-than-normal hair falls down into his face, covering his eyes and providing enough cover that Ryan can’t quite see him anymore.

“Get in here,” Ryan says, reaching out and grabbing Justin by the arm, pulling him into the room and shutting the door behind him. “Talk to me.”

“Uh… I don’t want to,” Justin tells him, shaking his head. “I just… I don’t want to be alone. You can go back to sleep if you want.”

Ryan sighs and crosses the room to the minibar. He pours two drinks and sits down at the small dining table in one corner, setting the second drink in front of the empty chair across from himself.

“Sit,” he instructs. “Drink. You don’t have to talk.”

Justin hesitates, not sure what the fuck he’s even doing in Ryan’s room in the first place. For some reason, Ryan had been the only one he could think of that might actually be able to comfort him somehow - Chris would ask too many questions and Vin had a cold and had been sleeping most of the day. Ryan was soft, easy to talk to, easy to be around. He didn’t ask too many questions and didn’t prod for information.

“C’mon. I won’t bite,” Ryan tells Justin, making him blink hard, hot tears burning behind his eyes. He nods, making his way across the room and sitting, downing the drink in one go.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” Justin whispers after a few moments of contented silence, and Ryan’s immediately shaking his head

“It’s okay.”

They fall back into their shared silence. Justin’s got no clue what to say even though his head’s so full he’s sure it’s about to explode, and Ryan just sits there across from him quietly. He doesn’t pull out his phone, doesn’t look around awkwardly grasping for something to say, doesn’t do anything more than opening the blinds covering the window beside them so that they can see the night skyline outside.

It’s not until Ryan’s phone calls out a shrill text tone that makes them both jump that either of them even so much as moves. He crosses the room to the phone as Justin watches, looks down at it, and then back up at Justin.

“It’s Rick. He’s looking for you,” he says quietly, and Justin nods. He’d kind of been afraid of that.

“I don’t want to talk to him.”

Ryan nods, types something quickly into the phone, and then resumes his place across from Justin at the table.

“Did something happen?” he asks gently, and Justin can’t blame him for a second. He’s sure Ryan’s been curious about the whole thing since the moment Justin knocked on his door, but he’s sure now it must be killing him. He nods.

“Yeah, uh… I think we broke up.”

The words hang thick between them and saying them out loud makes the tears Justin had been holding in spill out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He sniffles quietly and Ryan sighs.

“I was afraid you were gonna say that. I saw you guys fighting earlier,” Ryan tells him, and he nods. Everyone had seen them fighting earlier. Hell, he’s pretty sure some of the fans outside the venue had even caught sight of them as they’d screamed at each other by the bus after the show.

Justin sighs too, burying his head in his hands.

“It’s been coming for a long time,” he says, and he can hear Ryan moving and a second later his hand’s on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, dude,” he says, and Justin raises his head, gets a good look at him. He doesn’t want to fucking talk about Ricky. He doesn’t even want to think about Ricky. He doesn’t want to scream, doesn’t want to cry. If he’s really being honest, there’s only one thing he does want.

Justin can’t be positive, but he’s got a pretty good hunch that the second Ricky got the text from Ryan with whatever he’d told him, there was only one place he was going. Hell, by now he was probably already in Chris’ room, already had his dick halfway down his throat. Justin had known about Chris and Ricky’s history long before he and Ricky had even considered dating, but he’d never known it would be such a big part of their relationship. Of course it had been, though. By the end of it, Justin was pretty damn sure that the reason Ricky could never love him properly was because he was in love with Chris, not that he’d ever admit it.

And now as he sits here with Ryan’s gentle hand on his shoulder, none of it matters at the moment. It’s not that he isn’t upset about their breakup, he absolutely is, but there’s also something he wants, something he needs so badly he can almost taste it - release.

“Can you just do me a favor?” Justin asks, and Ryan nods at once.

“Sure.”

“Can you just… be here with me? I don’t know if you’re…” he trails off, not sure what he wants to say. Though they’ve known each other for quite a while, Justin’s not really sure of Ryan’s sexual preferences and doesn’t want to cross any lines. Ryan nods again, taking Justin’s hand and pulling him into a standing position.

“Yeah, I can,” he whispers, leaning up and letting their lips meet just gently, like he’s not actually totally convinced it’s what Justin wanted. As it turns out, though, it’s exactly what Justin wanted, and a second later his long arms are wrapping around Ryan’s middle, pulling him closer desperately.

God, Ryan’s a fucking good kisser, and by just a few moments later, Justin feels like he’s about to break right through the fly of his jeans. Ryan’s hands are all over him, roaming his arms and snaking their way under the fabric of his t-shirt. Their height difference isn’t quite as dramatic as what he’s used to with Ricky and it’s nice - he doesn’t feel like he has to try quite as hard to make things match up.

Without really meaning to, Justin realizes he’s sort-of grinding his crotch on Ryan’s hip, making a moan escape his own lips that makes Ryan smile into the kiss.

Justin’s own hands set off roaming as well, working their way over Ryan’s muscular back and arms, landing on his ass. Quite honestly, Justin’s never really noticed just how nice Ryan’s ass is, and suddenly he’s very nearly overcome with the urge to rip his pants off and sink his teeth into it right then and there.

They manage somehow to make it over to the bed - Justin’s got no clue which one of them even initiated the movement, but it doesn’t matter. All that does matter is that Ryan’s shoving him backwards down into the scratchy sheets, tangling a hand in his hair to pull his head off to the side and kissing his neck in a way that’s making him lightheaded.

“Oh… fuck,” Justin groans, and at this point he’s pretty sure Ryan’s been sipping some sort of magic protein shake or something because goddamn is he good at this.

“Let me make you feel good,” Ryan says in a gravelly voice that barely sounds like his and Justin’s absolutely powerless to do anything other than nod just slightly and mumble out the only thing he can.

“P-please,” he says, and he doesn’t even have the brain capacity to be self-conscious about how whiny he’d sounded, about how much his hips are thrusting up into Ryan involuntarily.

Ryan’s hands are at Justin’s fly, ripping it open and shoving his pants down and around his ankles. Justin wiggles to help as much as he can, but he’s still so blind with need that he can barely even see Ryan in front of him, but he definitely knows he’s there when a warm hand arrives on his dick and makes him whimper and shut his eyes tightly.

Ryan’s phone rings on the nightstand beside the bed a second later, which startles both of them and makes them both look in the general direction in annoyance.

“D’you need to get it?” Justin mumbles, his mouth sounding like it’s full of marbles. Ryan shakes his head, his own eyes glazed over with lust.

“It’s two in the morning. Whoever it is can fuck off,” Ryan says as the phone stops ringing and he sets back to work toward his original goal. Justin assumes it was probably Ricky - though he is fully convinced Ricky’s probably with Chris, he knows he’s also probably mad that he can’t find Justin.

Either way, he doesn’t have time to fully think about it because before he can Ryan’s mouth is on his cock and literally nothing else in the entire world matters even a little.

“Jesus,” he groans, one fist curling into the sheets while the other finds Ryan and grasps at anything he can - his shoulder, the side of his face, his hair. His orgasm is already building low in his tummy - he’d known it wouldn’t take long given his current shitty mood, and even though part of him doesn’t want to come, doesn’t want the feeling to end, he also can’t fucking wait.

Just like everything else he’s done so far, Ryan’s mouth feels so good, every little movement just right, and before he knows it, Justin’s squirming underneath him, mumbling about how he’s almost there. Ryan’s hands are roaming too, reaching up and under Justin’s shirt and dragging his nails down his stomach. The motion makes goosebumps rise over Justin’s entire body and he all but screams when he explodes just a few moments later.

Ryan works him through it, bringing him down gently before taking his mouth off of him and looking up at him.

“You get what you needed?” he asks, and Justin swears he’s never spoken before in his life because there’s not a single coherent word in his brain to respond with.

Instead, he just nods and reaches for Ryan dumbly, pulling him up so that he can kiss him. The kiss is soft, completely different than before, and Justin sighs contentedly when they pull apart.

“Thanks,” he whispers, and Ryan laughs quietly, nodding.

“Sure.”

Justin wraps his arm around Ryan’s shoulders, pulling him into a cuddle, and they lay there quietly for a while. He’s doing his best to keep himself in the afterglow of his orgasm and not let himself get wrapped up in thoughts of other things, trying to let the slow circles Ryan’s tracing with a fingertip on his stomach keep him grounded.

“You okay?” Ryan asks a little while later, clearly able to tell Justin’s head feels like it’s full to bursting again.

Justin sighs just as Ryan’s phone starts ringing again on the bedside table.

“Yeah. Just coming back down to reality, I guess.”

Ryan sighs as well, pulling himself up and reaching for the phone. He picks it up, looks at the screen, and shows it to Justin. Sure enough, Ricky’s name is positioned at the top, his contact photo staring at Justin menacingly.

“Just answer it,” he says, and Ryan does. Before Ryan can even get a word in, Justin can hear Ricky ranting on the other end of the line. He closes his eyes tightly and takes a deep breath, readying himself for the shitstorm that’s sure to come.