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His Royal highness

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Prince Arthur had a long and tiresome day planned. The morning entailed training in the arena with the knights of Camelot and then he had lunch with his sister and father. After that he was to go out on an afternoon hunt with Leon and Morgana, although she does not enjoy hunting the woodland animals she does appreciate the company. Then the banquet of samhain was to be celebrated with the neighboring kingdoms, although the druid people of the kingdom of Ealdor were not to attend because of other happenings for the evening of samhain.

Arthur pulled himself out of bed as the curtains were opened by George. “Good morning sire. This morning you have a sword and axe training in the arena with the knights. You have an half hour till then, your breakfast is served. I will be at your command if you might need me, sire.” George says with a bow.
“Thank you” Arthur says as he gets up and swiftly eats rushing down to train as it is his favorite activity. After 3 hours of intense train he heads to lunch.

“Arthur, sit” says king uther. A plate of chicken is sat in front of the young prince.
“Oh Arthur you look horrendous” Morgana jokes as she throws a pea at her brother, he throws one back and scoffs. “Stop it you two, you are not children. I will not see food thrown at my royal table. If i see another airborne pea then you will both be in your rooms for the banquet tonight” Uther warns sternly and pours himself a glass of wine. Morgana coughs loudly and kicks Arthur in the shin, he grits his teeth and steps on her toe. They fight under the table for a few minutes when finally Arthur gets frustrated and throws his water straight at his sisters face. “ha , got you” he laughs
“aRThER peNDaGoN” she shouts.
“Your brats! Off to your room and i will not see you until the evening for the feast. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!?” Uther screams as he bangs his fists against the table
“Yes father” they say in unison as they head to their rooms.

“Sire, your hunt is scheduled for a half hour from now” George says as they leave the banquet hall. “Thank you, make sure our horses are ready”. Arthur replies.
“Yes sire. Sir Leon will not be attending as he has a meeting” he says
“Oh okay”, Arthur is dressed in his hunting clothes, and heads down to meet Morgana at the horses. A picnic was packed so the young royals could enjoy some snacks out on their hunt.
“Where is Sir Leon?” Morgana questions as she mounts onto her horse.
“Oh, didn’t Gwen tell you that he won't be coming?” Arthur asks and Morgana blushes just at the mention of her beautiful young maid.

The siblings ride out into the woods behind Camelots castle. “SoOoO, Morgana?” Arthur utters with a hint of mockery in his voice.
“What is it brother?” she says already expecting the worst.
“Gwen?” he asks with a teasing chuckle. The lady morgana's face instantly goes bright red. “What about her?” she mutters quietly, embarrassed at herself for blush at just the simple mention of her name. “You like her? don't you?” Arthur inquires.
“Arthur! I swear to gods. If you tell anyone i will personally murder you and feed you to the crows, no hesitation!” she threatens.
“Morgana, i'm not here to tell someone i'm here because it's adorable. Although our father would not permit you to love a serving girl, I think that you deserve a lovely girl like Gwen. You would make a cute couple” he says as he grabs an apple out of the bag.
“Thanks Arthur. Got anyone special?” she asks in return
“Of course i do not. Only my sword and my armor.” he says almost longingly.
“I'm sure you find someo-'' morgana stops there is a rustling in the bushes in front of them. Arthur draws his sword as he demounts his horse. Morgana also demounts but does not draw a weapon. They sneak around the corner and Arthur jumps out as morgana follows swiftly

“Might i help you?” A tall thin man with flowing black hair and blue eyes asked. He had an emerald green cape that came to his ankles, he was holding a staff and had a small white dragon following at his heels. “Who are you?” Arthur asked as he soaked up the man's ethereal energy, his cute and handsome face tattooing Arthur brain. “How rude of me. I am Emrys” the soft spoken man answers with a gentle smile. Morgana looked at him with pure shock. “Emrys? Like the Emrys of Ealdor? The druid prince?” she questions.
“Indeed that would me,” he said “my apologies if I have interrupted you”.
“Of course not, what is it that you're doing in Camelot?” Arthur says, still in awe driven shock.
“Camelot? I appear to be lost” Emrys says with a giggle. “Might you point me in the direction of Ealdor?” he asks kindly.
“Ye-yes we can. um - ah actually we can give you a ride there. Right Morgana?” Arthur says stumbling over his words, still flabbergasted by the young prince. “Of course” answers morgana. “Oh my, thank you. It will not go unrewarded Pendragons” he replied with a simple smile. Morgana and Arthur shared a look as if to say ‘how does he know who we are?’.

Arthur mounts his horse and offers his hand out to Emrys. “Let me help you,” he says, giving his hand to the gorgeous young man. Emrys takes Arthur's hand and hauls himself onto the rear of the horse. “Who is that?” morgana questions, motioning to the small dragon that was looking to the prince happily. “Ahh that is my friend. Aithusa. She’ll trot along beside us, if you don't mind”.
“She is welcome.” says Arthur with a small smile directed towards the dragon, “Um excuse me sire, wrap your hands around my waist please '' Arthur said, his face bright crimson as the druid wrapped his arms around the others waist loosely. “Right, good” Arthur huffed out and pushed his horse forward.

Morgana, Arthur and the young prince Emrys arrived at Ealdor, the palace is mighty and it stands tall with plentiful green surrounding it, the king walking into the courtyard where they had arrived. “MERLIN! Where have you been, young man? We are 10 minutes away from our ceremony and you arrive here on the rear of some boys' horses. What am I going to tell you mother?” the king yells at his son. The young druid boy whispers a thank you into the prince's ear and slides off his horse, Arthur tingles all over the feeling like none other, his breath catches in his throat and he feels his heart pound. Just a simple whisper could affect one man some much, imagine the effects of something more… “who is this boy?” Emrys' father demands. “Father that is Prince Arthur and Princess Morgana of Camelot. They got me here, I was lost.” he explained.
“My apologies. Thank you for helping my son here.” Balinor thanked the royals and they trot off into the distance.

Prince Arthur spent the rest of the evening thinking about the handsome young prince he had met earlier. They way that he made him feel, his arms simply against his hips, his soft voice against his ear. He had to force the thought of the boy out of his mind, he was promised to Princess Mithian of Nemeth, daughter of Rodor. The marriage was supposed to bring wealth and harmony for both kingdoms. Arthur wasn't to ever have thought of anyone but her, and he hadn't even met the woman yet. Why did the druid have such an impact on him?

Chapter Text

It's been three weeks since Prince Arthur had met the druid prince and he had played on his mind everyday. Arthur could not give a good or logical reason as to why he was still thinking about him but he was. The prince was sitting at lunch with Morgana and their father was to join them soon. “Arthur… Arthur?” morgana said waving her hand in front of his face
“What?” he asks sternly, he doesn't even look up, trapped in a while of thoughts.
“You have been moping about since samhain. What are you doing? Are you ok?” she asks, concerned about her brother. “Honestly. Reality seems terrifying. It's a year till I marry Mithian and I haven't even met her, father hasn't even given me a choice.what is she is horrible? What if I'm in love with someone else? I don't want to marry someone I don't even know” Arthur spurts out. Morgana looks him dead in the eye and smiles, “talk to him. He might see sense.” she says and Arthur nods, hoping their father might see what he is trying to say.

Uther walks into the banquet hall and sits at the head of the table. “Father?” Arthur says questioningly, “what is it Arthur” his father says, barely paying him any attention.
“Well. i wanted to talk about princess Mithian and our arranged marriage. Do i have to marry her?” the prince says to his father.
“Arthur, it is absolutely essential that you marry her, the uniting of you and the princess is vital for the peace of our kingdoms and a mutual uniting,” he says obviously irritated, “I won't hear another word of it.” the king continued to eat. “Who is it that made you not want to service your kingdom by marrying her?” he demanded from his son.
“Father, it is no one, I just wanted to know.” Arthur said lying to his father, it indeed was the druid that had made him think of such things. Arthur had a secret hope that one day he would see Emrys again.

Arthur was sitting in his room, unable to work, completely distracted. He needed to talk with someone. “George, go get Morgana.” Arthur said, his servant ducked out of the room and summoned Morgana to Arthur room. “What is it dear brother?” she says sitting next to him.
“Can i talk to you?” he asks
“Of course Arthur, you know that i'm always here for you” she replies
“You remember Samhain? Well that boy we meet, Emrys. I can't get him out of my head. I feel drawn in by him and there is no explanation for it.” he says feeling ashamed and confused.
“Oh Arthur, i'll call that attraction. He's just a boy, you'll get over him.” she says slightly amused to see her usually arrogant and proud brother like this. “What if it's not, what if I can't get over him? Huh Morrgana? What about then?” he says looking her dead in the eyes.
“Arthur, he is a warlock, a sorcerer, even if you loved him and he loved you father would kill him before you could even kiss him” she says, knowing that Uther would never allow him to love a serving girl, and Arthur a warlock. “I guess you're right. Morgana, this is not to be disclosed to anyone else.” Arthur says.
“I know” his sister answers

The young prince spent another few weeks thinking of Emrys. Every moment played over in his brain over and over. Arthur had imagined pressing his lips against the others, whispering gentle things as they fell asleep in each other's arms, he had regularly imagined picnics in the woods and kissing the druid's nose. The thought of Emrys slowly but surely drained from the prince's everyday thoughts, he was never really gone but he couldn't continue to swoon over someone he had met once. He had no time for the likes of druid boys. But Emrys.


Emrys couldn't deny that he had an attraction to the prince of Camelot, he hadn't really put any more thought into it. He was a busy young man and he hadn't stopped to think about the other man but when they had met he had felt a flutter inside of him. His father most certainly would not be impressed, Arthur's people (especially the king) killed his people and generally resented them. In saying such things about Camelot, the handsome young prince had been kind and generous not wanting anything in return for his kind deeds. Emrys wondered what he would feel if he were to meet Arthur again, would the same feelings surface?

Chapter Text

Fast Forward time about 9 months

“It is my pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Prince Arthur of Camelot.” say the elegant young princess.
“And it is my pleasure to finally lay my eyes upon your beauty, princess Mithian” Arthur returns. They bow to each other and the servants show the princess to her room. “I expect you will be well behaved” uther mutters to his son.
“Of course father, i am to marry the woman i should at least show deasancy” he says and walks off to continue his daily activities. He quickly turns back to his father, “can we have a picnic on the border of Camelot and Ealdor?” Arthur asks, thinking of a beautiful lake to take the princess too. “Yes, I will organise something” the king replies.

“Lady Mithian?” Arthur inquiries, knocking softly on the door.
“Yes,” she say opening the door to Arthur, “oh Arthur, how can i help you”
“I've organised a picnic for us,” he says, excited to show Mithian the lake.
“How kind, shall we be off then?”
“We shall” he says as they walk out the door and down to the horses. Then ride off to the designated destination with George trotting along behind them with the gear.

They arrive and the picnic is set up. Arthur and Mithian talk for a few hours, eating and laughing. Arthur thinks about their marriage, it might actually work. He thinks that maybe he could fall in love with her. Could she ever love him? Could he ever truly love her?

Suddenly there is a rustling on the other side of the lake, a young man and his horse. Arthur takes no notice of it at first. “Arthur, what do you think about our marriage?” Mithian asks, taking his attention away from the black haired gentleman. “Our marriage? I'm not sure yet” he replies honestly. “What about you princess?”
“Well i don't know, i love another but i know that they could never love someone like me. I think it is possible that we can fall in love if I forget about my current love” she says.
“Mithian, do you mind sharing with me who you are in love with? If we are to be married we should be able to share our truths with each other.” he asks gently
“Well if you promise not to judge” she says nervously
“I promise,” the prince says.
“Um well it's Lady Morgana. I've been desperately in love with her since I met her when we were children. She used to come visit me in the palace, you were not allowed to come as you were training as she told me. Every now and again she has come to visit me in these very woods. I wish that I could say that it was easy for me to stop loving her but I can't” she says ashamed. “It's fine. I had no idea that you even knew my sister. She is a lovely soul and she probably is a better person than me but unfortunately-” Arthur says getting distracted by the young man you is playing in the water with his horse and a very cute small white dragon, Arthur catches himself hoping it is Emrys. “Unfortunately what my lord?” she inquires
“Oh dear sorry, unfortunately for you it is I who you are to marry,” he completes, still looking over her shoulder to the black haired man, “princess, will you excuse me for a moment?”
“Of course Arthur.” she says, Arthur gets up walking over to the lake.

“Excuse me there,” Arthur says, addressing the man.
“Might i help you?” he says with a stunning smile, the shirtless man turns around to face the prince, he glistens with water in the sun, he pushes his messy wet hair out of his eyes and he looks over the warm glow lighting up his skin making him glow. “It's prince Arthur right?’ he says in a warm voice. The prince is once again stunned by the beauty of the druid prince. “It is, I never got to really meet you Emrys. Is it possible for me to request for us to meet in the near future?” he said, looking over the shimmering skin of the prince.
“In this very spot i will meet you this coming Saturday at 10am,” he says turning back to his horse, “oh and Arthur, i will expect you to be perfectly on time” he says and goes back to playing in the water.

“Arthur who was that?” mithian asks
“Emrys of Ealdor” he replies, more than happy that he will finally be able to properly meet the young prince. “Oh. they say that he is the greatest sorcerer to walk the earth, very powerful and feared by many,” she say looking over her shoulder at the sorcerer playing is the lake “although he doesn't seem all that harmful” she says as the druid giggles,
“Indeed. I do not fear him, my father resents sorcery and would kill him if he were to find out we had even spoken” he says sadly, “mithian i was wondering if possibly you could help me out?” he says thinking of a simple but effective plan
“What?” she says knowing the curiosity is getting the better of her
“I have arranged to meet Emrys this Saturday and i was wondering if you could pretend to go out with me and i will arrange morgana to meet us here and you can meet with my sister” he suggested, “i like that plan.” she says with a smile.

Princess mithian and prince arthur ride back to Camelot, the prince is thinking of his meeting with the warlock in two days and the princess thinking of morgana and how incredible it would be to spend time together. They were both happy and excited because of the plan.

Chapter Text


Arthur was beaming with pure joy and excitement, having never been so excited to meet someone in his life before. He had spent the last couple of daydreaming about what he might do whilst out with the druid prince. He had thought about his desires and of course they exceeded every platonic desire ever but nevertheless he had planned a very friendly type outing for the two of them. He was going to meet Emrys at the lake and he would bring some food and they might play in the water or climb trees or something along those lines.

Arthur was exploding with the pure adrenaline of anticipation as the clock hit 9.30. He was so incredibly ready to meet the prince that he had been awake since four and he spent the morning pondering the things they might talk of.


The prince emrys had quite a regular morning, he was certainly eager to meet the Camelot boy but not nearly as excited as Arthur. Emrys also remained wary of the pendragon boy, considering the cruel and menacing nature of his father, he knew what they had planned to be risky but he was prepared. He dressed in a darkish blue vest over a white blouse, he wore skin tight black pants that outlined his thighs nicely, over this he wore a flowing cloak.

Emrys hoped to empress the prince in a subtle way, also knowing that Arthur was to be engaged to a young lady. His father had warned him not to meddle in the life of Pendragons, as they were of cruel breeding, but he could resist the temptation to share a few hours with Arthur, indeed he was quite proud of himself for even getting away with it.


It was precisely 10.30. Prince Arthur was seated under a tree next to the lake and he had been seated in that exact spot for nearly 20 minutes waiting for the assigned time to arrive, and now it had come. He was brimming with excitement and he was waiting eagerly for the other prince to arrive.

He was entirely unaware that he was indeed being watched by a certain someone. The person in question peered through the bushes watching the nervous prince, Arthur pushed his hair out of his face and sighed thinking that Emrys wasn't going to turn up, he picked up a silver dish and looked at his reflection fixing his hair and making sure he didn't look like a complete fool. Arthur watcher giggled from behind the bushes as he watched the prince stare into a silver dish, making a complete fool of himself.

Arthur heard the childish laugh come prom behind the bushes, he dropped the serving dish and looked around seriously, “is anyone there? Is that you emrys?” He said, searching his surroundings, The prince revealed himself as he appeared from behind the bush, “it is sire, i was just making sure it was safe. No royal knights to kill me, my kind of people must be careful on uthers land” he said totally discarding the fact that he had observed the cute mannerisms of the prince.

“You scared me,” Arthur replied, standing to greet Emrys, “I'm Prince Arthur of Camelot. I'm pleased to make your official acquaintance” he said, holding his hand out formally.

“I'm Prince Emrys of Ealdor, I'm also pleased to make your acquaintance your royal highness. If we are to be friends I would quite prefer you call me Merlin.” Merlin said, offering an adorable smile and a gentle handshake. They shook hands and sat down at the already prepared picnic.

“Why do you call yourself Merlin?” Arthur questioned,

“My druid name is Emrys and in a more improper circumstance I am called Merlin, a family name I believe. It comes from my father, King Balinor. I prefer that those I associate myself with call me Merlin, it's nicer. Do you have a name you'd rather be called?” answers Merlin.
“I do not, although you are welcome to come up with a nickname for me, Merlin” he said with a smile.

“i'll think of something.” Arthur poured wine into both their chalices and raised his up,

“A toast, to the start of a friendship.” Merlin proposed and lifted his cup to clinking the rim to the rim of Arthur cup, “and to it lasting to the end of our days” he added with another clink. “I genuinely hope to become your friend but i must mention a few things beforehand.” he said, taking a sip. “I am a warlock, if you didn't know, also a druid and your father does not particularly love either. I also have Athusia who must come with me everywhere. But otherwise, if these do not bother you, then I'm interested in getting to know you Arthur.” Merlin says.

“I don't care. I'd be honored to get to know you Merlin ''Arthur replied.they shared a small yet gentle and intimate look, a kind of look that binds souls together, a kind of look that shared a deep and personal part of one's soul.

“Let us have some fun, hm?” Merlin said, sliding his cloak over his head and discarding his vest and blouse, he then slid out of his long pants revealing his breaches. He walked over to the water and jumped in, indulging in the cool and merry steam. Arthur watched the mesmerizing display, eyes falling over Merlin thin and slightly toned torso, then gulping as the prince slid his hand through his wet, black hair. Arthur was certainly short on breath and entirely too distracted to think about removing his shirt and joining Merlin. “Are you coming or what?” Merlin said flicking water his way and smiling, “it's lovely.'' and Merlin was most certainly just that,The sun glistened against the warlock's skin, making him shimmer and his hair glow, he looked as though the entire world revolved around him, well Arthur certainly felt so. “Arthur?” Merlin questioned, breaking the other out of his trance.

“Yes” Arthur replied and slid his own shirt over his head and ran into the water, joining the gorgeous prince of ealdor. “Tell me about you then Merlin,” Arthur said, sitting in the lake enjoying the cool water flowing over his soft skin.

“About me?” Merlin said thinking for a moment, “I'm just a boy. I was raised in Eadlor, the prince life, as you could understand. I spent a lot of my childhood in the forest, talking with animals. I'm an only child well unless you count Athusia, i saved her from certain death about 4 years ago. I don't have many friends, well, i have Mordred and gwaine but it's usually just me and athusia. Oh, well and kili” Merlin looked over his shoulder and pointed to a large chestnut stallion. “I'm an average druid boy honestly, if you discard the fact I'm the prince.” Emrys shot Arthur with a smile that made Arthur's world shine and warm up significantly. He looked at the young man and wondered if this was a dream of some sort, it wasn't humanly possible for someone to be so perfect. “What about you mister pendragon?”

“Well-” the prince said, trying to create functional words. “Um ah just um im um just the Arthur, yeah, wow um ah huh? Ah I'm Arthur, '' he said, his thought surrounding the shimmer of Merlin, Arthur wondered how he was so taken in by him but honestly who isn't taken in by Merlin? He is gorgeous, beautiful, funny and really really handsome,
“Yes, good job, you are Arthur, what else?” Merlin said with a kind and gentle smile with a giggle.

“Oh yes,” Arthur smiled sheepishly, “i'm not all that excited. I have a sister and my dad, of course. I have many friends, Percy, Leon, Elyan, Lancelot. I have girls lining up for days, but unfortunately i am to be married, father is forcing me. I don't love her though, she doesn't love me. We can never truly be happy.” Arthur let out a chesty sigh and looked up at the other man. “I'm putting my problems on you, i'm sorry”

“Who is it you love?” Merlin said, without hesitation.

“Um what?” Arthur said, taken aback

“If you do not love Mithian, then surely you love someone else, because otherwise why would you not love her? She is pretty, funny and smart.” he pointed out.

Arthur thought for a moment, what he said was true, he did love another and if he didn't then surely it would not be hard to love her, “yeah, i guess. But i will have to marry hey anyhow.” he completed with a simple smile, not wanting to talk about Mithian at all. “Um, can you show me some magic?” Arthur said he had never seen magic used for good for good before, he needed to see.

“Magic? But your a Pendrgaon, you hate magic” Emrys said cautiously

“I am not my father, I have never seen magic used for good before and I want to know.”

“I can do that for you,” Merlin replied. His eyes flashed gold, he raised his hand and the water under his hand swirled slightly. The water swished into the air and swirled into tiny branches of a tree and then into a big oak, moving bewitchingly. The crystal liquid twirled around Arthur's hair whispering into his ears. Merlin willed the water to transform, it complied and the wings began to form. Starting as a hawk and minimizing into small butterflies, the water detached into separate butterflies. Ting blue winged creatures fluttered around them, hundreds forming from the water. One landed on Merlin's nose, complementing his gold eyes. The druid raised his hand elegantly and the butterflies changed back to water, and then came together in a sphere and changed into a liquid gold. The stream of gold spiraled around the two men as they stared at each other, the gold creating a barrier, making the world just them and only them as though they could never be parted. Arthur moved closer, staring straight into Merlin's gold eyes, reflecting the spiral surrounding them.

“Your beautiful” Arthur whispered, continuing to stare at the alluring man in front of him.

Suddenly their moment was ruined. “sire!” a familiar voice yelled, it was Leon. “This man is enchanting you!” he said, grabbing the prince and dragging him away from the other. “Sir, are you ok? Can you hear me?” Arthur nodded but he wished he couldn't hear him, he just wanted to step back into that moment with Merlin.

“I can't believe you Arthur Pendragon!” Emrys shouted, pain leaking out of his eyes. Sir Percival held a sword to his throat, “I should have listened to my father. I should have known that you set this up. Why? I thought i could trust you, but no, dumb Merlin as usual” he said a single tear falling down his face, Arthur knew that he felt betrayed.


“Don't you dare call me that you prat!” Merlin said, lowering his head.

“Sire please we must leave immediately, this sorcerer must be brought before the council” leon said moving the prince toward a horse. The prince got on and soon enough they were back in Camelot.



“This man was caught using sorcery in Camelots woods, on prince Arthur '' Leon announced to the king.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” the king questioned

“I am emrys of ealdor, i will not be told what to do by you” Merlin replied looking up at the king bitterly.

“Well then, by the laws of my land, you are sentenced to death. You, Emrys Dragoon will be hung at dawn.” the king said and dismissed the court.


“FATHER!” Arthur yelled as soon as the room was empty, “please, you mustn't kill him! You can't, you just can't!” Arthur pleaded, feeling the pain pierced his heart.

“It is the law, you know that” Uther said, not caring at all for the young sorcerer.

“You will strike war with Eadlor, what to do then?” Arthur reasoned

“If his father doesn't want war then he will come and fix it, won't he? We can fight against some weak druids. You doubt the ability of our men.”


“That's enough Arthur” the king dismissed and Arthur was sent to his room.

Well Arthur didn't go straight to his room he visited a certain someone first. He knocked weakly at his sister's door. “Morgana. i”m stupid”

“When are you not?” she joked back

“Seriously, lord i'm the reason Emrys is going to die. I'm such an idiot” Arthur said, plonking down on Morgana's bed.

“You what? You stupid bitch!” she said waking him

“What am I going to do Morgana?” he looked at his younger sister pleadingly

“Have you talked to the king?”


“Well there's only one more way to save things,” a devilish smile spread across her face, “we are going to break the prince out”

“I can't do that by myself” he said

“Obviously that why im going to help”

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you” he said with a smile

“Oh go away idiot” she said pushing him off her bed, then at that moment Gwen walked in and Arthur hit his sister and hurried to the door.


Arthur stood in front of Merlin's cell

“Im sorry” he said sadly

“What are you doing here pendragon?” Merlin demanded

“Apologizing and well honestly i don't know”

“Well thank but um, too late” Merlin returned

“I know, i'll fix this, don't worry” Arthur said, hoping the plan worked.

“Oh good, very wonderful. Where is athusia?” Merlin said, worried for his best friend

“With Morgana, she is safe” Arthur sighed and slipped a freshly baked bread roll through the bars and turned to walk away from the beautiful prince. He looked over his shoulder momentarily and smiled sadly and then shuffled away ashamed of himself.