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Black Clouds

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Dear Kaoru,

I’m hungover and philosophical again. I apparently can’t spell when I’m drunk, either. That last letter was a disaster. Maybe I should burn it so that you’ll never see it.

I don’t think you’ll ever see any of these, though. Not unless you go through snooping through my stuff like you did during that one year of high school.

That year really sucked, man. First Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai went to college and it became a thousand times harder for the two of us to go to them for advice. We still did it, though. I should write them a thank-you for putting up with all of my shit that year. You confessed to Haruhi, and you forced me to realize that I like her, and then I confessed and got rejected. Boss moved to the main house and the host club closed for a while, and then we went to Boston and I was a jealous bitch about Haruhi and Boss being a couple.

I never really thought about how hard that year must’ve been for you, too. Like, holy hell, Kao, you gave up on one crush in order to force me to pull my head out of my ass, and then you told me about the next one and I brushed you off. I shouldn’t have. I never really thought about how scared you must’ve been when you realized that you had a crush on Kyouya-senpai. At the time, I just kind of laughed and said that it was just like you to fall for someone so closed-off. You could be a bit of an open-book back then, or, at least, you were around me.

You always were the stronger of the two of us. You didn’t obsess over an unrequited crush for years. You moved on. You dated that girl third year, and a whole group of guys and girls during college.

Maybe this is the one thing we’re polar opposites about. I’m too obsessed, and you don’t know how to be.

What are you so afraid of?

If I asked, would you tell me?