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A Guide on how to Lie, Cheat and just generally Fuck with Everybody

Summary:

It was a truly messy and unfortunate concatenation of ridiculous circumstances really that brought Mari into Selina‘s apartment that night and bound them together over a half-devoured wedding cake and a half of bottle of wine.

What followed after that memorable night was a guide. A Guide on how to Learn to Lie, Cheat to get what you Want and just generally Fuck with Everybody ignorant of the Rules of a Living in Gotham.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Introduction at it‘s finest

Summary:

,,Okay then, please listen madam, I don‘t want any trouble and I promise, I swear on whatever is holy to me, that I won‘t bother you again. This was a huge mistake, that I made because I was desperate and dumb, but I swear that you‘ll never meet me again, not tomorrow, not on Wednesday, not ever, so please, please, can we end this peacefully without any calling of cops?“

Selina stared through the speech blankly, unblinkingly, before she cocked her head and frowned. ,,You know, begging is really not your forte,“ she declared. ,,I think I liked you better when you urged to stab me, darling,“

Notes:

Yeah, so in case you didn‘t got it by my truly marvelous Summary,

This is an AU, where Mari grew up in Gotham and is every cell the American, that I can make her.

Both Mari and Selina are heavily out of character and slightly freaky?, because apparently, I’m a fucking strange being and can‘t write from the perspectives of any sane people and just have to make them weird anytime I try to feel into them (it’s a curse, I tell you).

And also I don’t really have a strict plot line for this (like at all), so I have no idea how this’ll evolve in the future. It was more of a ,Oh yeah, another idea that’s pestering my poor cerebral capacity, let’s pick this and write it down’ than anything else really.

(I was just like, what if I take a character with a heart of gold, strip her off everything akin to her actual kindness and add a little of childhood trauma so that she can exchange vague insults with a master thief (also nothing like herself, bc who do you take me for? An imposter?), who apparently took an obsession to her.)

Furthermore, I apologize for any tears that this might bring, if they were caused from happiness (I doubt it) or from pain (My writing is like a pile of fuming cow‘s shit and I warned you, fellas).

Cheers everyone and enjoy the read!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

******
This is fairly easier than last week‘s fiasco, Selina thought absently, while making sure to will her face to remain in a polite, but mainly insecure simper, which could probably melt the coldest and cruelest of people to sympathetic wet spots on this unbelievably rich marble floor. Once she had heard a man tell her that humbleness was basically a magnet for affection and likes and even though the bloke that had so interestingly informed her of the fact, had been a real imbecile, she must admit that he had been quite right in his assumptions.

The ancient couple passing her smiled back pleasantly as did the guy, that had been staring at her exposed legs for a total of three minutes. Internally, she rolled her eyes at his non-existent sense for subtleness; outwardly, she ducked her head and blushed heavily, willing herself not to not grin. Fun was what always encompassed those acts and it was silly really how much she liked it to pretend. If she wouldn’t have become the greatest thief in Gotham to exist, then she would have probably tried her luck as an actress, as it was almost suspiciously easy to slip into those personages like coats to try and take off.

And also again this was going almost too easy for her expectations, she thought and wanted to shake her head at the gratifying lack of security preparation. She had studied this hotel day and night, and knew it in and out like all of the names of all high-society’s celebrities on a list and now this. Not one security man had halted her to check her over, not one second glance that wasn’t bound to either admiration or polite acknowledgement, she wanted to laugh actually at everything, that was happening so much more smoothly than had been planned, because of course, things went on perfectly when she had been poised for some trouble. If it’ll continue in the same fashion then she will most probably be able to get to the main event in only a few quarter minutes now and it was a notion, she found pleased her, even while she mourned the lack of entertainment from slight inconveniences from unexpected turns in the routines, that she had learnt by heart. She had been honestly just waiting for them to arise and will later on bemoan their absence.

Now though strolling through in the foyer, she shook out her left leg, adding it into her next step and pretending to stumble a little clumsily, and ignored her toes, that were squished together in a heapfull mess inside those deadly gorgeous Louboutin heels, that she wanted to set on fire with how they were pressing her skin to a throbbing pile of blazing pain. She had been expecting nothing less from this footgear of course, but still it was slightly annoying how everything went so smooth and perfectly by plan and then she couldn’t enjoy it as her feet were screaming in pure anguish. It tempted her to just complete this proceeding while being barefoot and the mental image was enough of an amusement, that she let her smile widen for just a second, before correcting it into just the right amount of teeth.

She dutifully went on wheeling the cleaning cart to the elevator, ignoring the high sound of a cat being murdered when the cart rolled over a particular unexpected fold in the carpet, that covered almost the whole passage way and smelled of wealth and roses and affluent perfume.

Stepping inside the metal cabin and smiling at the tall man, who stood next to her, she turned to push the button to the twelfth floor, only to find it already glowing. Stepping away when the doors obidiently closed and movement picked up steadily, she relaxed a little and took a brief moment to brush over her short, short black dress, adjust the apron. Her fingers skirmed over her bangs, brushing them aside from her forehead and she rightened the little head band on her scalp, that mocked her with it’s ranking existence.

A chambermaid, she didn’t roll her eyes, but was tempted to, certainly of all roles to play, she probably liked this one as one of the least. Submission and obedience weren‘t really her favorite, too easy; she played the wild ones, that were all about teasing, fighting and sexual energy with more of her unfeigned passion. Those were exciting; enciting and allowed her to instinctively improvise and mix her own personality into it, as she liked those things best herself.

Talking off sensual though..

She leaned her head, just in time to catch the sultry look that swept down her body and ended on her painstacking heels, lingering on these noticeably and long enough, that she wondered if his brain had momentarily shortcutted. However the man still lifted his head after a second, proving her assumptions wrong, and gave her a charming smile when he noticed her watching. He tapped his shaved chin.

Ah, a self-loving hitman. Just what she needed, she thought somewhat annoyed, but delighted still at the minor inconvenience, that at least might bring her some more entertainment.

Allowing a little of her inner calm to show, she cocked her hip provocatively and pretended to return his appraising look with one of her own. He certainly wasn‘t unattractive, well-built like a dancer and neatly handsome, but sadly, he wasn’t her type. She liked those who were dark and mysterious; hard to fickle with and even harder to love. A sinful affair like a catfight; scratching and biting, a give and take of passions. What can she say, she had always been a sucker for trouble. Loving the action and excitement from it.

But she supposed he’ll work out for what she had devised in her head.

,,Sir?“ she looked around in the remarkably spacious cabin, that was unsurprisingly also, very beautiful. There was a low, mahogany table in the corner and a vase, that looked like it belonged into a museum rather than an elevator rested atop it. Wealth and money hiden in every tiny detail, the golden ornaments on the walls, the lights just bright enough to not be unsettling; everything throughly and thoughtfully planned out. As a woman of style, she had to admire such handiwork. The accesoires were balanced out evenly and didn’t clash, and she would first congratulate and then hire whoever designed this if given the occasion.

,,Would you like me to check on your rooms? Just a quick..inspection of course,“ she added secretively, whispering, trying not to snort when his eyes widened and at how easy it was to charm him.

He smiled even more openly after these words, all perfect teeth, and nodded. ,,Of course, I would certainly like that,“

She lowered her eyelashes at him and waited for the elevator to burst open, so she could go on with her scheme, rather than exchanging heated glances with a stranger. She wasn‘t by any means disturbed by the situation, not really, she was too openly humored and entertained with the play for that, it was more the like that she was..impatient in a way that made her fuzzy from the inside. She wanted to drag this man away, break into the hotel rooms and steal the price, she had been dreaming off for a long week now. It was maddening, the thought of her conquest being so close, yet still stages in her calculations away. It was eating her inside out, in a manner that was both delicious with her nervous hypersenisitivity and antagonizingly painful, an ache that was turning in her stomach and squeezing her nerves.

Ah, but the anticipation. She licked her lips, which tasted warm and of matte lipstick, a favorite of her, all spicy and sweet, and the thought of the safe, her precious will be certainly locked away in occupied her thoughts. She couldn’t help but fantasize it all out in colours and scenarios, curious and keen she was. She thought that perhaps it would be a TL-15? Steel walls and concrete blocks of four centimeters? Some love to go overboard so perhaps, five centimeters? Also who was she if not realistic, a high burglary classification lock system, level 3 could be waiting for her as well and she fought down the urge to drool like a schoolgirl in front of her worshipped love interest, as she loved those locks. They were just so very devious and loved to block if approached too harshly. Once when she had been younger and less experienced, one had almost snapped off her hand and she had been treating them with caution and a detached sort of respect from then on.

Oh, yes. She was dying to find out, what was awaiting her.

The ding of the elevator sounded like release and Selina all but dragged the man by his collar into the corridor, and leaned against her victim to reach to a biteable neck, that would look better covered in bruises if she would be in the mood for that. She breathed against the slightly sweaty skin and was again astonished at the gooseflesh that errupted from her barely there administrations, whispering. ,,Your room please, lovely,“

He nodded hastily, eyes glassy, and she grinned in satisfaction, every ounce the cat, she was naming herself after.

*******

,,One dealt with, two remain,“

She pulled the bed sheet tighter and looked over her master piece. Tied to a chair, all but conscious, the man was truly a treat to all fans of bondage. This way he looked most attractive to her, so helpless and unprotected, forced into a stool; Selina was nicely proud of her achievement and showed her self-regarding appreciation by swiping her fingers over his hairless jaw delicately, and unclasping the watch from his wrist, that had been calling out to her so luringly, before she turned and left the room with the grace of a woman that knew what she did.

Her heels clicked silently in the quiet, as did the modern clock on the wall across the chamber. She spared a mindless look at it and breathed through her nose, surpressing the noiseless giddiness that keened to envelop her senses. It was twenty minutes before showtime, she had plenty of time and yet she felt a surge of nervosity rush over her, curling her hurting toes. Twenty minutes to climb the slippery facade and break the lock. Twenty minutes to locate the safe and take out her utensils. Twenty minutes to crack it and leave. It felt like nothing, but she knew from experience that she was fast enough to fit inside the rigorous schedule. Under pressure, she worked only slightly better and she loved the nerves best anyway.

She kicked off her heels somewhere near the vicinity of the spacious and king-sized bed, walked over towards the cleaning cart, she left there, to withdraw her suit from inside a box. She switched her clothing to her usual, black attire of burglary, her Cat Costume, and then stretched her back until it popped pleasantly. Her limbs followed next and she repeated the process with her whole body, till she felt thouroughly bendable. Liquid really. She closed her eyes and breathed silently for a second, focusing and gathering her attention, before she pushed open the balcony doors and climbed onto the stone railing, gripping it only losely and unafraid of falling.

It was high enough to overlook most of the city, Selina noted with some sort of deatached inquisitiveness that came from being a casual spectator, and grinned when a breeze picked up speed to smack freezing rain in her helmeted face.

Ah, Gotham, still as atrocious as always. Smudged shades of black and grey with no ray of sunshine, no happiness or real smiles, madness and pain, it was truly a place to develop depression and commit suicide, via jumping from somewhere relatively high, as she had read in a journal was the most common way to die nowadays.

Briefly, she wondered how many people had been in the same position as she was now. Had been in this same hotel room and looked down, thinking of the option that death provided. Crouched on the railing, on the edge of falling, only one daring jump away from neverending peace. Silent, mute, tempted.

Luckily for her however, she had nothing more in common with them, as she saw no point in suicide. In the death of self-pity, she saw nothing more than mere cowardice. Stupidity. Unwillingness to fight, but to give up instead.

Gotham truly brought out the weakest in common people.

She stood, flexed her claws and bounced on her heels testingly, before she jumped and gripped the window sill, that she had been aiming for. It was slippery from the rain, but she had been expecting nothing less and only clawed into it stronger, biting her lip in excitement while she angled her feet against the wall in a steadfast push.

Agitation pooled low in her stomach and she felt her breath speed up to a shallow kind. Wind and rain, a symphony of feel and coldness splashed on her face, making her blink slowly, mesmerized by the usual treatment from Gotham’s very own clouds and as while it happened newly, it was quite an unique sensation in itself again.

She adored it. She loved every little single moment of this with a passion and damn everybody, but she would never get enough. It was like an interdicted drug, addictive in it’s very impact and delicious through being forbidden, and she thought that she could this forever if ever given the chance to.

She would love to remain as she was, on the verge of achieving her goal, but not quite there as well, but instead she exhaled and jumped again, this time gripping the balcony‘s railing, the presidential suite’s, and clinging to it, whilst she swung and pulled herself up.

Only when she had climbed over the railing and sat on the floor beside it, she allowed herself to laugh giddily in the way, she had wanted to the moment she had entered the hotel. She was almost there now and it made breathing more gratifying. She rubbed her arms against the cold and grinned as she saw the doors, so very heavily wardedly closed and just calling out to her to be cracked.

,,What a treat really,” she marveled and pushed up to stand, so she could have the sweet appetizer, before she would get to taste the main course, her conquest.

*********

,,Good Evening, isn’t it, Miss Kyle?,“

Selina tried not to stiffen when she heard her name being called from behind of her, gripping her bag tighter to her leg. She knew this voice. She feared this voice. But she dearly hoped that she had been mistaken.

A turn later proved that she had been indeed right in her first assumptions. Mollie Hobbs, in a floral dress and matching, colorful hat, was wobbling towards her with her arms outstretched like she would like to hug the world and everybody on it, human and animal. And sadly in Mollie’s world view, that included Selina.

Dear Lord.

She bit down a grimace and with an ease that came from experience, put on a pleasant simper instead. ,,Miss Hobbs,“ she greeted politely and stepped back for good measure. Mollie was like a little kid, everything that was within her reach will be touched and grabbed and as she hated being unnecessarily touched in general, she always held a good safety distance.

Mollie Hobbs‘ smile faltered only a fleeting second, before it was replaced by an even brighter one, as is her sublime common facial expression. Selina knew of few people that were happy in Gotham and showed it so outwardly, but Hobbs definetly exceeded any of her general expectations. She was a walking advertisement for toothpaste, always grinning, always felicitous; it would be dearly amusing the show, if it wasn‘t this scary to be at the receiving end.

Theoretically, Mollie treated everybody the same, with smiles, small conversations and cost less pies, but somehow Selina seemed to have been put as her number one of importance to mother, the very same day she moved here, as not a day had passed that she had exited the building without meeting the pudgy woman in either the hall way, the staircase or the main entrance. She was speculating if the woman is actually just waiting for her to leave her apartment to attack in an ambush of blinding grins and baked presents to invite her inside her home to stuff her up with even more cakes and keep her there for an eternity, handcuffed to a heater.

And she was meeting her often enough, that she had grown rather paranoid too. No one knew of her real professions (in the space of beyond laws, real names were a strict taboo), and Mollie was insistent enough in her stalking, that all alarm bells had instinctively went off simultaneously and rather quickly.

Probably she was overcompensating in her reaction, but Selina was no one to underestimate the state of privacy, so therefore she got to start sneaking out in the most ridiculous ways to devoid this ever watching woman of contact to take proof from. She climbed over the fire escape, went over the rooftops or escaped through the window as her cat persona.

And it had worked for about a month, before she had forgotten in a heap of exhaustion and complacency and went her normal route over the stairs, thus meeting dear Mollie in the hall way.

She really wasn‘t prepared for this at all.

,,Miss Kyle,“ Mollie looked up at her in a mock scolding grin, that looked feral and stupid at the same. ,,You keep disappearing on me, little lady, I invited everybody over last Monday, do you remember?“

She tried not to wince. Ah, last Monday, she had been in the Museum all day, pretending to be a tourist while checking out the security. Rather late then, a rude group of beaters tried to rob her, keyword:tried as she taught them a good lesson for daring to attempt to steal from her by kicking their asses. Fortunately, a man saw her beating them up and wouldn‘t budge on his offer to pay her a dinner, until she accepted and used him to eat herself satisfied. Unfortunately however, later on, he also wouldn‘t accept a no, and matters got dirty quickly.

All in all an eventful day that she didn‘t need a reminder of.

,,Ah, yes. Monday I was busy working, I had dinner and got home only late at night,“ she explained and embraced her bag, pretending to be awkward about it.

,,Oh, well,“ Mollie said and smiled less wide. ,,Everybody was asking after you, just so you know. We were missing you greatly, Miss Kyle, I dare hope that next time, the date will work out for everybody,“

Selina nodded compassionatively, a gesture she had copied from the psychologists in several Movies. It worked surprisingly well she had learned over time and now, she felt that it would do it‘s influence here as well.

,,I hope so as well, Miss Hobbs,“ she started walking slowly and kept on looking Mollie with a thoughtful frown, that the woman returned in a sort of pinched smile. ,,Neighbors should keep together, right? ..We’re friends,“ she knew that she had said the right thing, when Mollie Hobbs‘s smile renewed itself completely and turned brighter.

,,Of course, Miss Kyle. We‘re all friends here. We stick together and help each other out,“

,,Certainly,“ Selina smiled back with an understanding nod, before she turned and left. She had bottle of wine to finish and a catch to celebrate.

*******

Selina wouldn‘t exactly count herself as a lucky person.

Sure thing, she had come from a poor background and is exceedingly fortunate for having a talent for burglary, as she would have probably already either died, been murdered or would be living a poor life right now, if not so, but objectively said, well, the talent is a part of her. She was counting all of her skills as extensions of herself, so really, that any outher forces had helped her would be foolish as an explanation for her rather efficient cocktail of genes.

But the chances of this happening. Well in this case,- only this time-, she must be surely a lucky cat.

,,I‘m not really sure what you‘re searching for over there, but I‘ll have you know that I don‘t keep my valuables in a book shelf,“ she said, leaning against the door frame whilst observing the situation in silent humor and sipping on her wine.

The thief- well rather soon-to-be-thief -snapped around with a knife in hand and scowled, though it could also be a grimace. It was evening, the light was not on and the switch too far away to bother, it was hard to tell.

She took another sip of her wine, humming pleasantly when the taste covered the bland taste of nothingness in her mouth. Ah, deliciously, the rich taste rolled in her mouth and played with her senses. She licked her lips and indicated with the glass towards to across the room, where her cupboard stood in the shade.

,,You should try your luck there, kiddo, that‘s where normally people hide their stuff,“ she suggested and swirled the red liquid inside the glass to watch it move. A dream of bordeaux-red; on first glance could be blood rather than wine.

,,What?,“ the thief- a she, definitely a she- whispered quietly. Suddenly she sounded rather meek and submissive, though the knife remained in the air.

Selina got to admit the sudden change in personality went over smoothly, her voice was everything of a scared six-year-old, even if she doubted that she’s that young. Still the suddenness made it rather suspicious. No one would want to stab you, only to be scared then. Or at least, no one sane would. Let‘s not forget about the masses of Gotham’s very own crazy maniacs, that one second were crying over some great-cousin they lost in a car crash, and in the very next second, attack you, screeching you’re at fault.

Been there, done that, won‘t repeat it.

She pursed her lips in thought. ,,You‘re not coincidentally a case of madness, are you? Because if so, I‘ll have to kick you into oblivion and quickly,“

,,I‘m not,“ the girl said rapidly, a hint of her earlier fierceness sounding through. ,,Not crazy that is,“

Well, Selina guessed that cleared that up rather nicely. Any mad person she had asked until now, had answered to the question concerning their saneness by lunging at her with a knife or screaming; the girl did neither, so maybe she do is sane. ,,Sooo,“ she swirled the wine again. ,,What‘s up then?,“

The girl first stared, then finally sighed and lowered the knife. ,,Oh fuck,“ she muttered. ,,Okay then, please listen madam, I don‘t want any trouble and I promise, I swear on whatever is holy to me, that I won‘t bother you again. This was a huge mistake, that I made because I was desperate and dumb, but I swear that you‘ll never meet me again, not tomorrow, not on Wednesday, not ever, so please, please, can we end this peacefully without any calling of cops?“

Selina stared through the speech blankly, unblinkingly, before she leaned her head and frowned. ,,You know, begging is really not your forte,“ she declared. ,,I think I liked you better when you urged to stab me, darling,“

,,What- I didn‘t- I wouldn‘t- stab you?,“ the girl laughed nervously and, her hand, that held the knife disappearing behind her leg. ,,I didn‘t want to stab you, I was merely surprised that‘s all,“ her voice grew more steely to the end. Firm.

A firmness, that Selina was inclined to believe, proved the exact opposite of her words. Well, but stab her, stab her not; She found she didn‘t care either way.

,,You know, you‘re actually really bad at acting,“ she said and raised a brow at the way, the youngster flinched. ,,I mean, your voice is sometimes fine, but your body,“ she made a disgusted sound. ,,Un-na-tu-ral, not convincing,“ she swept out with her glass. ,,You‘ve got to put some real work into it, darling. Real emotions, passions,“

She shook her head gravely and drank wine. She needed the alcohol to vanish the physical pain, she felt from this ungenuine acting. Her ears were practically bleeding at this point. ,,This, right now,“ her hand vaguely gestured to her. ,,wouldn‘t fool an infant, and you, dear one, are trying to fool an high-class actress,“

The girl just gaped at her, silent, mouth open, unattractive. Still it looked kind of funny though. Like she was trying to imitiate the The Scream and was failing. ,,You‘re an actress?,“ she blurted ultimatively and shifted on her feet, like she was cold and the floor was even colder. Well, she wouldn’t know in her furry slippers, maybe it was and she was being a bad host.

Selina had never been a bad host before. Maybe it was because of the special circumstances, but normally she always held up the facade of her guests being genuinely welcome. It was refreshing to be able to reveal the truth, even if the back stabbing girl probably would have been the most welcome of all guests she had. At least, she didn‘t come with pie or tried to grab her ass. Both very welcome changes, so she guessed that hostly behaviour is in order for gratefullness.

She finished the last sip of her wine and hummed in disappointment. The bottle’s wine had been delightful as long as it had lasted. ,,Dear, do you care for wedding cake? I‘ve got enough to feed a rabid raccoon family, and it‘s nougat flavored, so we can split,“

,,What?,“ the girl uttered again, one of her favorite words or so it seemed. She certainly wasn‘t the most eloquent person, Selina thought and decided to gift her one of her encyclopedias, so she can take pity on her fellow humans and learn a few new words.

,,Wedding cake,“ she repeated dutifully, sucked on her lip to taste the remains of wine on them, that made her smile pleasedly. ,,Do you want some?“

,,Uh, no? Do I get to say, no?,“ the girl asked suspiciously and put her hands on her hips in a show of her real character. Selina didn‘t hold back the small whoop of delight at her finally dropping the shallow act. It didn‘t do her any favors anyway.

,,You do, but it would certainly be a shame. The white chocolate is divine or so I‘m told,“

She didn‘t miss the small twitch, the girl made at the word ,chocolate‘, and decided that she will feed her some cake anyway. She wasn‘t sure why though she would force her to, but she choose so anyway. Her subconsciousness must have it‘s reasons.

,,Follow me then, darling. The kitchen is this way,“ she turned and left the door frame, her fingers delicately gripping the wine glass as to not drop it. It was her favorite and she would probably cry if it broke.

Entering the iluminated kitchen, she stalked over to the counter put down the glass, turned to the fridge and withdrew the huge plate plus cake on top. It was white, almost fully covered in white goodness and she poked the surface, testingly. It was quite hard and broke only when she stabbed her finger forcefully into it. To clean her finger of cake remains, she put it inside her mouth and sucked it off. Ah, yes, perfect consistency and taste; guest-presentable and uncapable to disappoint.

She took out two forks next and put all down beside the grand plate. Just then, she left the kitchen to enter back into the living room, slapped the knife out of the girl’s hand, when it was raised, and yanked the girl away from the shelf by her arm towards the kitchen, again. While she was walking, she muttered. ,,Honestly, I‘ve got to do it all myself, don‘t I? I said cake, so that means cake, you can try to stab me all you like, but we‘re eating cake,“

The girl of course squirmed in her grip, but when she was pushed into a chair and was given a fork, she only stared angrily.

Selina raised both her eyebrows. ,,Eat, or I will force it down your throat, madame,“

The girl shook her head stubbornly and crossed her arms with a huff of angry air. ,,Eat it yourself, bitch,“

,,Oh, I will, darling, and you will join me,“ she promised and leaned forward to stare her down. Unsurprisingly, she wasn’t expecting any less, the girl glared back hotly and bared her teeth almost ferally.

She decided to double the trouble and urge her a little gently towards the right direction. Just a tiny hint. Just to nudge her. Kindly.

,,Eat, or I‘ll call the police,“ she demanded and stabbed her finger down onto the table.

An offended gasp and the girl growled with her eyes narrowed. ,,You can‘t blackmail me into eating your darn cake!,“ she snarled and gripped the table tight in frustration.

,,I can and I will,“ Selina spoke smugly and leaned back to enjoy the show. Well, the girl seemed to be related to at least one murderer if not two by the way she was holding the fork, like she was prepared to stab her in her face with it. Hmm. Selina was daring her to, she had known she‘ll win in this argument, if without an eye or with.

,,Ohmeygod, FINE!,“ the girl finally yelled after a minute or two of silence and went to aggressively attack the cake instead of her face. However Selina didn‘t refrain from smirking obviously and basking in her victory. What did she say. She had known she‘ll win.

,,You‘re mad, utterly mad,“ came growled from the girl, who shoved and shoveled the treat forkwise inside her mouth, only to stop to chew and groan in bliss. Selina smirked only wider and crossed her legs.

The girl looked up, her face fully smudged in cake, and seemingly, catched her look. ,,Don‘t look so smug, you! I will sue you for-for-for..forcing me to eat against my will! That‘s not legal!,“

,,Do tell,“

,,Yes, that‘s right. You‘re mad and belong in prison. You manhandled me. You forced me against my will. And- Oh hell, and why does this taste so damn good!,“ she groaned furiously and all but melted into the table in a puddle of murderous, cake-adoring girl.

A minute passed that was spent in the girl stuffing herself, her watching her victoriously and the clock ticking in the background. It was probably one of the most peaceful moments, she can recall and, she will remember it for a while. Things like these, eventful and silly, do happen to stay in her mind.

,,Did you calm?“ Selina asked and pointendly looked down at the plate that did not adorn a half of cake, like they had agreed on. Instead there laid random chunks all over the table and about a third of the wedding treat was still present atop the plate in full shape. She found she didn‘t overly mind.

,,Yes,“ the girl was currently attempting to whipe her face with her sleeves; a maneuver that was both disgusting and unsucceesful. Selina scrunched up her face in disgust and handed her a napkin, that was surprisingly unbickeringly accepted. She counted it as another small victory for her side.

,,Do you want a glass of water?“ she asked rather amicably. Considering that they only five minutes prior had been yelling at each other, this was probably the most friendly, they will get. Well, there will be at least always space for improvement this way, so she won‘t start complaining.

,,Yes,“ the girl mumbled again and weakly whiped at her chin, her head downcast. Selina went to get her water and put it down in front of her.

It was silent again, safe the ticking of the clock.

She will probably have to replace that damm thing, didn’t she? It was way too loud. Offending. It shouldn’t make the quiet stand out quite this obviously; that wasn’t it’s damn job. It should be showing the day of time and otherwisely shut up.

Anyhow she refrained from cursing the ticking object any further and instead focused on the girl, that had, while she had been internally cussing, raised her head and was staring now again with an unreadable expression.

Selina cocked her head suddenly when she realized one major thing, that somehow had slipped her focus until now. She can see her guest‘s face now. When they had been shouting and arguing, she hadn’t paid it any mind, but now when nothing‘s left to do anymore but unashamedly stare at the back-stabbing girl, she did nothing but that. Stare. And Observe.

She started at the top. The girl owned dark, curly hair, that seemed to be blue if looked at in a squint and spilled over her bony shoulders, long and messy. She wore a red, wooly beanie and a shady blue in colour jacket, that she was pretty sure, would rather fit for sunny weather rather than the one in Gotham, and was also slightly dirty with mud at the elbows. Her face was pretty, all nice rounds and curves, with dry from no use of beauty products, skin and she had a scar under her lower lip, that was shaped like a half-moon. Also, she had those bright blue eyes, that observed her own just as intently, and dark rings around those eyes, that spoke of nights of restless sleep and nightmares. She knew and recognized those eye rings, as they belonged to her as well. Such a silly thing to revel in, eyecircles, but it was something important that connected them, didn‘t it? They both slept horrible and were both suffering from insomnia. The sole difference was here that Selina hid hers under make-up and the girl didn‘t.

Suddenly she wished she didn‘t hid them, just so that the girl could connect the dots as well and recognize their similarity. The girl should know after all, that she had been thinking of stabbing her fellow insomniac. She should be aware of how widely they differed and how close they were via the same nightly troubles. It was important after all that she knew it.

Selina had been just contemplating to politely inform her, that she wasn‘t allowed to stab her as she was an insomniac as well, when the girl spoke up first in a tone that was far from neutral. It shook slightly and was quiet, in a way that didn‘t fit to her brash persona at all. ,,When did you marry?“ she said and barely even glanced up.

Selina frowned in answer. Marry? She didn‘t marry and certainly wasn‘t planning to. Quite the thought, she laughed openly. She hated weddings, too many mothers talking your ear off and nothing to steal. Well, if you were attending a non-famous‘ person‘s marriage that is; at fancy weddings, they were quite a lot of little things to lay an eye on.

,,I didn‘t marry and probably never will,“ she told her honestly and avoided accidentaly putting her ellbow down on a chunk of cake. Ew. What a mess. She will have quite a handful tomorrow morning in cleaning this.

,,Whose cake is that then?“ the girl asked and stared down onto the mess, like it was the greastest mistery of all time.

,,Oh, no one‘s,“ she laughed. ,,I ordered it as an experiment and as you can see it was succeesful,“

,,What was it about? Finding out how much mess one cake can make?“

Selina looked up and found her glaring down at the chunks, like they were offending her personally. Her blue eyes were firing down, aiming and shooting mercilessly. So much anger, she thought and leaned her head. The girl was certainly a temperamental one. She wasn‘t sure though how she felt of that.

,,Not quite,“ she said. ,,I had wanted to know how much cake it takes to calm an anger fit, and well,“ she pointed down. ,,Here is the unlucky amount that couldn‘t make it.“

They sat in silence again. The clock was again ticking annoyingly clear.

,,You’re very strange, you know that?“ the girl threw in suddenly and frowned thoughtfully. ,,People normally are angry at me for breaking inside their houses. They throw things at me, or scream. You may also have dragged me here- thanks for that by the way- and yelled, but then you offer me cake and converse with me normally,“ she stared directly into Selina‘s soul, an intensity that was full of confusion and curiosity. Questions there, but unanswered. The recklessness of youth, isn‘t it?

Selina only smiled amusedly but with a seriousness that even startled herself. ,,Oh, dear, for once, if you haven‘t noticed, I suspect that I‘m quite drunk,“

The girl cracked a small grin at that. ,,Do tell,“

,,Yes,“ she glared playfully, but continued. ,,And as for the second, I guess that I‘m just plain strange, am I not? I mean, what am I even doing? I‘m conversing in my kitchen with a back-stabbing youngster, while my table is dirty as hell.You don‘t know me well, practically not at all, but would I be non-drunk and less tired, I would be screaming right now before lunging to clean this,“ she flicked the nearest piece of cake from off of table, where it splattered against the floor. ,,I‘m a madwoman when it comes to cleanness,“

,,I see,“ the girl rolled her eyes, but smiled briefly.

******

Selina suddenly stilled when she realized quite a problem. Not that it’ll remain as one for long, buzzed and ill-mannered she is right now, but still quite the predicament. ,,And also, I just realized that I kept calling you ,the girl’ inside my head for the last twenty minutes now already. Do you care to introduce yourself, so I can finally stop that? ,“ she asked.

The girl laughed oddly and nodded slowly and Selina had a moment of clearness, where she was surprised to notice how easy and unbothered they were suddenly able to talk to each other. When had this even happened? Just ten minutes ago maybe they had been both screaming murder (one significantly more than the other) and now they were having a kinda friendly way of communication. Whatever the hell. She should be drinking more if that‘s what happens. It was way more interesting than what she had planned originally.

,,Mari, just Mari,“ the girl said in a way, that said she had to stress the ,just‘ in her name quite oftenly.

But still she found that she could associate her with the sound of ,Mari‘. Mari sounded interesting, foreign, like a misspelled word or the mumble of someone incoherent. She could imagine this particular girl belonging to this unusual name quite well. Mari felt slightly difficult on her tongue, when she mouthed it experimentally, oily, and slippery, refusing to cooperate same as a tongue twister, and that was the girl too, wasn‘t she?

Unneccessarily difficult, stubborn and odd.

In her opinion it fit perfectly.

,,Mari,“ she spoke carefully and, of course, it came out wrong again. She tried it with more emphasis. ,,Mari, Mari, Ma-,“

Mari sighed and leaned into her hand tiredly, looking like she was about to either sleep in from boredom or annoyance. ,,Are you quite done?“

,,Not yet, actually,“ she replied and poked another chunk of cake with her index finger, that was laying alarmingly close to her left elbow. ,,Mah-ri, Maa-,“

,,What‘s your name then?,“ Mari cut in, looking extremely relieved to have found a question to interrupt her. Of course, she didn‘t expect her to be anything other than rude. Little shit, she is, she thought somewhat fondly.

*******

,,My name’s Selina,“

,,Nice to meet you, Selina,“

,,Likewise,“

,,I have a question, I want to ask, but it may come across a little too personal,“

,,Let‘s hear it. I’ll be the judge,“

,,I-alright, you said that you don‘t expect to ever be married. Uhm, Why not? I mean, you seem nice enough, maybe a little, okay, a lot nuts, but you‘re really not the worst and you’re beautiful, so why do you think that?,“

,,Well, you were right. That’s just rude and personal,“

,,See? I told you,“

,,Well, I despise weddings, too much white everywhere and you’re forced to actually talk to people, and probably I would be an abysmal wife, that wouldn’t stop eyeing other men, and getting into trouble, you know?,“

,,Selina, I‘m like sixteen if you recall, despite your expectations, I do not know at all,“

,,Yeah, right. I apologize. You‘re sixteen though? You look not a day older than twelve,“

,,Wow, damn you got me here. I actually am twelve, I just like to pretend I‘m older to have people treating me more seriously,“

,,Mmm. Quite manipulative and devious, darling, .... I like it,“

*****

Mari had been leaning onto the table more and more as time passed by, her eyes falling closed occasionally and her face going slack, before she suddenly startled back into her seat and yelped, having been close enough to the wooden surface to hit her chin when she retreated. ,,Oh, fuck that hurt,“ she groaned and cupped her lower part of her face to rub it soothingly.

Selina laughed and laughed even harder at the sudden betrayed expression. She looked dearly amusing; too stubborn to rest properly, having decided to fight her body instead. Stupid, yet amusing and she thought that she must have a strange sense of humor to laugh at someone‘s pain, but laughed anyway. ,,You should just lay down, if you‘re tired, Mari,“

,,Oh, really?,“ Mari spoke sweetly and high on sarcasm, still smoothing over the skin on her chin. ,,I didn’t know, Selina. Thank you, you just opened another world to me, that my poor, sixteen-year-old-self couldn‘t reach herself. You have my endless gratitude,“ she mock-bowed and grinned sugarly.

,,You‘re welcome,“ she said quite seriously. ,,And I‘ll have you know that I will drag you into a bed if you won‘t go willingly,“

Mari grimaced and folded her hands. ,,Oh man, I would be laughing at the joke if I didn’t know you bad enough now after the cake thing to know you‘re really not joking at all,“

She decided to ignore the ridiculous way the sentence was phrased and just raised a brow. ,,Will you go willingly? I can force you,“

,,No well, uhm, the thing is, my.. home’s a quite endless walk away and I normally tend to avoid Gotham at after midnight since that‘s when the real shit happens,“ she bit her lips, hard enough to make Selina wait for blood, that surprisingly didn’t leak. ,,There’s like a really strange type of guys, I really wouldn’t wanna cross and I think that I should wait out somewhere close to an active lantern at least until the early morning,“

She didn‘t roll her eyes no matter how she wanted to, but she do sighed rather openly. Well apparantly she had to spell it out for her letter after letter, who could have thought? ,,Mari, I have a guestbedroom that you, yes you dear, are welcome to use as long as you won’t trash it,“

And of course, Mari, stubborn and unattentive being she is, startled rather extremely and rambled on, ,,Oh, really that’s generous but, I‘m not sure-“

,,Do you really want to fight me on this?“ she cut in, fully prepared to accomplish the task by dragging the back-stabbing girl into the bed. She found she didn‘t care of how it was done, if Mari will at least sleep. She had to be the good host here after all and help Mari to do what she apparently was unable to: sleep. She would at the very least drag the bed here as well, into the kitchen too, if needed to get Mari to rest, that determined of a host was she.

,,No?,“ Mari answered, rather asked, tiredly and blinked.

Selina rolled her eyes at her youthful face, that was almost close enough again to touch the table and demanded, ,,Then don‘t,“

And really surprisingly, Mari actually for once listened to her and didn‘t roll in her arms too much, when she carried her to the bed, that had been bought with situations like these in mind.

******

Notes:

In my defense, I had a fat lot of time, coming up with this because I broke my arm and it wouldn’t heal for three bloody months.

My feeble bones are to blame for this, so yeah, bye bye, twinkle toes.

(Word count 7.446)