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Loving You

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Did that really just happen? Did Matt Casey just confess that he loved her? Surely not. She wants to believe that it did just happened but a part of her doesn’t want to have false hope, of course she knows that Matt would never say something that big if he wasn’t 100%.

Laying down in her bed she can’t get to sleep her mind not allowing her to so she thinks back to her last couple of days it had been interesting and confusing all at once.

All things considered everything had been normal well as normal as things could be, Wednesday night she ran into Detective Halstead at a club and without even thinking twice about it she approached him simply just wanting to say hi.

She never thought anything of it, of course she should have known he might be working, she felt silly for not realising sooner but thank goodness for her quick thinking, she was able to play along and quickly leave.

He’d managed to catch up with her afterwards at Molly’s making sure she was okay, she appreciated it, it was lovely of him to check on her.

Wednesday Night:

*Flashback *

Exiting Molly’s Sylvie and Foster have two things on their mind, food and home. They hadn’t managed to eat much at the bachelorette party so all they could think about was getting food and then heading home to eat and stuff their faces. 

But to their surprise Jay is waiting outside leaning against his car. “Ah, never mind I’ll eat the pretzels from inside, have fun.” Foster whispers in her ear laughing her way back into Molly’s.

Looking back at Jay she smiles quickly thinking on her feet, she walks towards him pulling out her phone.

“Hi Chicago PD, there’s this guy out front of Molly’s pub and I saw him earlier at a club but now he’s here and I think he’s been following me.”

Catching on, he smirks pulling out his work phone too. “5021 George, I’m right in front of the pub I’ll check out that call.” 

Putting both their phones down they look back at each other laughing. She found herself enjoying laughing with him, she felt relaxed and it was easy.

“Hi, Detective.”

Getting off his car, he moves to stand in front of her. “Hi Sylvie, hope you are okay, I just wanted to check in on you after tonight.”

“I’m good thank you, that’s sweet of you to check in but I should really apologies to you, I didn’t even think you’d be working.” He was checking in on her, she wondered why? Was just a friend sly gesture? Or was there something more too it? 

She was good at this, all the over thinking. It was like her mind wanted to over analysis every detail no matter how much she tried to act cool and laid back, she couldn’t turn off her inner thoughts. 

“It’s all good, you were great my cover is totally intact.” She felt good that everything had gone well, she would hate if she’d ruined anything for him .

”I’m glad.” Its quiet for a few minutes after that, well actually it’s a few second but feels like minutes, and to her surprise it’s not awkward or uncomfortable they are just happily smiling at each other.

“So what’s the next part of the bachelorette or are you done now?” 

“Done actually, Emily and I were about to get food, the club lacked food, if you didn’t know.” 

Laughing he shakes his head, looking away from her he breathes in and out. “I’m going to be honest with you for a second, okay so just go with me.” She can tell he’s nervous but she’s not sure why, he was Jay Halstead, very smart and decorated Detective, completely kind and well obviously gorgeous. 

What on earth did he have to be nervous about?

”It’s been awhile since I’ve had the guts to even talk properly or let alone flirt with a beautiful woman and I’ll admit I’m terrible at it, but I think you’re pretty great and would love to go get food with you right now, we can eat anywhere? Even in my car? and we can chat for a bit and then I’ll drive you home safety afterwards, what do you say?” 

Flirt? What? “You’ve been flirting with me?”

”Ah, wow I must really suck if you didn’t realise, why is that a shock too you? You’re pretty great Sylvie Brett.” God her face must be in complete shock, she hadn’t even caught on to the fact that he might be flirting with her, had she been subconsciously flirting back? In her honest opinion she was being herself, she never thought that someone like Jay Halstead would ever flirt with her or be interested with her what so ever. 

”I would love to get something to eat with you Jay.” Looking back up at him she smiles letting him open the door for her and he gives her a smile back that’s just as wonderful.  

*End Flashback*

What carried on for the rest of the week was pretty much a blur work was the same, crazy busy days. 

Things with Casey had been different, although at that point she didn’t know of anything else, her feelings for him obvious to herself, she managed to contain them and was working on slowly letting them go. 

She had decided that it was the best thing for her to do, there was no way he would feel the same and she would never betray Gabby like that. She let herself feel that way anymore, she hated herself for anything, it was tearing her apart thinking of what this could to hurt her best friend. 

God she thought herself a terrible friend, so when Jay came along asking to take her out for food that night it was an obvious step forward in letting Matt go and then the breakfast the following morning. Jay had picked her up before both of their shifts started, it was early but it was beyond lovely. 

Running into him at Med was funny she thinks, they had laughed and made a joke about how they just kept running into each other and maybe the universe was playing tricks on them.

He’d taken it as an opportunity to offer her quick coffee at the cart outside Med, this morning they had missed out on finishing their coffees so he promised her another one soon, little did they both know it would be sooner rather than later

She couldn’t lie, she had been enjoying herself and getting to know him, she had fun and she laughed and she even felt tiny butterflies in her stomach whenever he would smile at her, or laugh at any jokes she would make. 

How could she not? He was wonderful and incredibly charming and definitely didn’t hurt too look at, that was sure. 

And then there was Matt Casey, beautiful, stunning, compassionate and lovely as ever Matt Casey. The way she felt whenever she was around him, he made her nervous, clumsy and many, many other things but her head was a mess. 

When Matt had told her how he felt, she thought at first maybe she was hearing things but when he couldn’t stop talking about her and how he was tired of pretending, she wanted nothing more than to say it all back to him.

To tell him that she felt the same, that she too had fallen for him without realising it, she wanted him to know that she would never regret loving him, because he was Matt Casey and anyone would be crazy not to love him. 

But for her as well, it was much more complicated than that. She had spent so long pushing and suppressing her feelings, and convincing herself that he would never feel the same.

This situation was different, she knew his ex, she knew her well, every well, she told herself over and over again how much of a bad person she was for feeling this way because she thought it was wrong too. 

Of course she’d have to eventually talk to him, jumping into his arms at first word would have been completely wrong considering where her head was at. She hated feeling like this, it was a constant internal battle in her mind and heart, it was exhausting. 

The insecurity was there and it wasn’t going away for awhile with herself and she would be for awhile, how would she be able tell him all this? Obviously she had too, it was the right thing to do, she just didn’t know how.

She sighed, tossing around in her bed, she needed sleep.