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Loving You

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Matt considers himself as someone that wouldn't ever snoop or deliberately ears drop, but could you blame the man when he hears his name? He stops in his tracks after just finishing his inventory of truck 81.  

Is it odd how much he enjoys hearing his name leave her lips?

"What do you mean? Matt and I just had a conversation there’s nothing left to say." She shrugs nonchalantly.

"Captain Matt Casey said he loved you, he confessed his undying love to you and you are telling me 'there's nothing left to say'." Emily throws her arms in the, clearly shocked by this revelation. 

"All I said was that I need time to think." 

"Girl what's there to think about you clearly feel the same." His brows knit together, well that was new he thinks to himself.

"Emily it's much more complicated than that." He disagrees, it seems pretty simple to him.

He considers staying in the spot for a bit longer, to keep listening but he knows its not right. This was Sylvie's private thoughts that she was sharing with her best-friend in confidence he could't listen anymore. 

If this was something he was supposed to know he would hear it from her, so he turns walking away from them. 

...

It’s a surprisingly warm afternoon for Chicago and he’s not sure how it happened but he finds himself sitting on a picnic rug surrounded by his friends and good food. You’d think that because they all worked together and saw so much of each-other, that they would take any chance for some time apart, but actually it’s the opposite.

This group couldn’t not spend time together, apart of him thinks it has something to do with losing Otis, after that loss they had all unconsciously found themselves putting more effort into quality time, especially after Sylvie returned. 

Even though he can think of so many other thing that he needed to get done he’s not too bothered by it. His options were to catch up on paperwork inside or spend time with good people and good food enjoining the sun on a Sunday afternoon.

He chose the latter. 

He’s here and he’s enjoying himself.

The girls had wanted to take full advantage of the warmth even if it was just for an afternoon, they decided on a picnic in a park and he’s even more so surprised how quickly they were able to throw it all together. 

The power of when women get together and when they want to get something done, it was definitely something to behold. 

Looking around the park he takes notice of the small different groups that had formed, everyone was doing something different. 

Kelly, Ghallo and Capp had taken it upon themselves to start a game of frisbee with Herrmann’s kids.

In another corner of the park, Herrman, Mouch, Tony and Ritter where playing a serious game of cards, he can’t tell what it is but there faces are purely hysterical as Herrmann tries to size up Tony’s cards. 

Chloe, Foster and Stella are happily occupying little Terrance. 

Donna and Boden are standing around watching everyone with smiles on their faces just like Matt.

He sits up a little higher lowering his sunglasses looking around for her, he’d just noticed after focusing in on what everyone is doing he’d just realised he couldn’t see Sylvie. 

As a first responder his mind immediately freezes over and he instant had a horrible thought. It was something that came with the job, and it couldn’t be helped. Well at least it was the case for him. 

Where was she? Was she hurt? How had he only just noticed now that she was gone.

His heart rate increases by the seconds, he still can’t see her, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

Getting up from the ground he turns his whole body around looking for her again on his own before he thinks he has to tell the group.

He could just be overreacting couldn’t he? He hoped to god he was. 

Relief floods over his body when he spots her about 5 yards away from him. Her purple and white polka dot sundress is burned into his memory. When he’d first seen her after they all arrived he couldn’t stop staring, the same way the he stared the night of the gala.

He knew nothing about fashion or style but somehow he manages to remember the dresses she wares when she’s remotely anywhere near him, no matter what the occasion calls for. 

The closer she gets he notices she’s okay and he wants nothing more than to walk up to her and join her but he doesn’t, he doesn’t want to stop her from enjoying herself. He doesn’t mind just watching, oh god he sounded like such a creep, thankfully no-one can hear him. He’s about to look away before anyone can catch him but he notices that she’s got ice cream.

She’d walked all the way to the other side of the park to the ice cream truck, chucking to himself of course she had.

It’s a few hours later and everyone has packed  up and left they all had work in the morning and Herrman and Stella had to open up Molly’s soon. Kelly had spent a good chunk of the afternoon trying to talk him into coming out but if he was being honest with himself he was people’d out.

It had been a lovely afternoon with everyone but also a long one he’d see them all tomorrow anyway.

It’s much more quiet when he gets to the loft, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Usually he’s either trying to give Severide and Stella space or he’s not here, so it feels very odd to have the place to himself.

His phone breaks the silence, it’s ringing and it’s Sylvie. “Hi.”

“Is everything okay? Are you alright?.” He goes straight to questioning her.

“Do you always answer your phone like that Matt Casey?”

He laughs as he flops down onto the sofa. “Only when I care about who’s on the other line.”

“Mmh whatever you say Captain.” She puts more emphasis on ‘Captain’ and it makes him squirm a little. It was an odd feeling, everyone called him Captain all the time, and so did she.

So why was it giving him a different feeling right now? In a way he knew why. He just really did not need to be thinking or feeling like that at all, especially now.

He enjoyed that a little too much and now was not the time. 

“Ah Matt you still there?.” Coughing he clears his throat and his mind of any previous thoughts. “Yep still here sorry, anyway you never answered my question. Are you okay?”

“Everything is fine, I just wanted to check in. We didn’t get to hangout much at the park. Also I'm surprised you aren't at Molly’s with everyone?”

“I decided to head home, too many people and I’m tired.” He looks down at his watch, god it was only 7:30 what the heck?

“Alright old-man. Guess I’ll leave you too it.”

He didn’t want her to go. “No wait, I’m not even that tired I just-um. I’m-, ugh look for you Sylvie, I’m not too tired for you.”

Her laugh is loud and beautiful as it rings in his ear, he’s mess and she’s laughing at him. “Yeah yeah, I’m all over the place but you know what I mean.” 

“Can I come over? I wanna talk to you about something and it’s important.” 

“Of course, it’s just me here. Come over whenever.” 

He would be 100% lying if he said he wasn’t sweating, she was coming here and she wanted to talk. When was the words ‘I want to talk’ every a good thing? 

Pacing around he had just finished scrambling around making sure the place was tidy, thankfully there wasn’t much of anything to tidy up but it also leaves him with no distraction.

All he can think about his her coming here and what it all means, had she finished thinking things through?

Was she ready to talk about it? 

...

“Hi” She looks at him and even though it hadn’t even been that long since she had gotten off the phone he still missed her voice. 

“Hi” He replies back to her he's so glad she's here. 

“Can we talk?” Matt nods making room for her to enter, leading the both of them into the living room.

They sat down and he smiles immediately once he sensed her relaxing into the couch. She was comfortable, which made him comfortable. 

“How are yo-.”

“How have you bee-.” 

Laughing he catches her gaze, its warm and inviting but he still cannot manage to make out what’s going on in her mind. Of course he’s not a mind reader so he encourages her.

“I’m sorry you go first.” 

“Matt I’ve always strived to be sure of myself, I think being adopted made me that way.
I wanted to know exactly who I was and that was it. No one could make me not be sure of myself, and then I met Harrison I don’t regret being with him because he made me realise that I shouldn’t ever settle for less than I deserve, emotionally he tore me down.” 

Her breathing starts out strong but as she keeps talking her lips start to tremble. “What I had with Antonio was rushed, passionate but also extremely exhausting he had a whole other life I wasn’t a part of and I felt on edge a lot. Kyle was the complete opposite, he was wonderful and treated me with such gentleness that I’d never experienced before but he offered for me to become some I couldn’t.”

He can tell she’s determined to continue and to get out what she needed to say, he knew this was important. “You though, you are such a surprise and the more I think about it. It’s the surprise I’ve been waiting for, this is really hard for me Matt, and I'm sure for you too. I’m insecure when it comes to you. It’s not anything you’ve done it’s just that I always saw you as one thing and one thing only. These feelings that stirred up, I hated them at first, I despised myself for feeling any type of way with you.”

Reaching over he squeezes her knee gently. “Sylvie..” He hates that she’s felt this way, but he understands, if anything he gets it.

He knows. 

She places her delicate warm hands on top of his as she continues looking right at him never breaking eye contact. “You make me feel brave Matt, I don’t have to be timid and weak or have anxiety about the two of us and I don’t have to stop being who I am with you.” 

“Sylvie Brett first of all, you have never needed me to make you brave, you are so damn bloody brave on your own and you show me and everyone else everyday. Thank you for telling me this, really.” He understands that this must have all been hard for her to say out loud.

He makes a point to scoot his body closer to her on the couch, and he would love nothing more than to take her into his arms but instead he settles for tucking her hair behind her ear and lifting her chin up to meet his eyes again.

“Will you go on a date with me this Tuesday night?” He’s not sure how that comes out but he’s happy it did.

”Sure I’d love to hang out.” Hangout? No, no he didn’t not want to just hangout with her like how friends hangout. 

“No Sylvie, I said date. Not hangout.” For some reason her face is full of shock.

“You want to go on a date with me?” She ask as if she doesn’t that he’s in love with her and would want to go on a date with her.

“Is it really a surprise? Of course I do, I wouldn’t ask if that’s not what I wanted.” His heart was in a half panic he thought it might not happen that maybe she still needed more time or that she might not believe he wanted to after he tells her again.

“Well I guess it’s a good thing we both have Tuesday off.” 

...

He couldn't believe that he and Sylvie were actually going on a date.

It was finally happening.

Between the two of them they had decided to keep it to themselves, it would be their first date and they didn't want any outside opinions. He was proud of himself for being able to organise a date for the two of them outside of town, he really didn't want anyone around that might see them not because he was ashamed but because he wanted it to just be about the two of them.

It wouldn't be perfect because he was hardly perfect but he would do everything he could to make it as good as possible. 

All day he and Sylvie steal quick and loving gazes, he finds himself turning a light shade of pink when he turns to look at her but she has already beaten him to it and she's without shame looking at him.

It's been a long time since he's felt admired by someone else the way he does about them, maybe even just as much.

Although that seems impossible considering how he feels about her but to know that she too has been looking at him the same way. 

And even though they spoke mostly about work and didn't have lengthy conversations he still feels his heart growing the more the day goes on, the closer it gets to the date. 

His quarters doors open and for the minute when he's in his own thoughts it's quiet and the sound of the door opening and closing he jumps out of his skin.

Of course he thinks it's Severide, he was used to it always being Severide and wanting it to be Sylvie so he's about ready to scold him and stops when he looks up and see Sylvie standing in front of the door looking at him in an odd questionable way.

"You okay?" She whispers getting close to him. 

"Yeah sorry you scared me, thought you were Severide." 

"I can go get him if you'd prefer?" She laughed teasing me.

"I'd prefer you actually.” He states as a matter of fact? “What’s up?” 

She stands up tall placing her hands into her pockets. "You never told me about our date, what is the dress code?" 

"It's a surprise, I want to tell you to wear whatever makes you feel good and it doesn't matter because you are beautiful. But I know that although that is all true, it's also unhelpful to your question. So wear something that you would wear to eat out to dinner at a medium fancy restaurant that's all I'm saying." 

"Matt Casey, I admire you so much." 

"Feelings very mutual." And I love you a lot but he can’t say that out loud, even though he’s already said it he doesn’t want to overwhelm her too much with saying it constantly or push her away.

“SQUAD 3, AMBULANCE  61, CHILD INJURED.”

“Oh, that’s me, duty calls.”

“Go and do some saving gorgeous” He watches her quickly run out of his quarters not having time to hear his response. 

...

Admittedly it take him that little bit longer to figure out what to wear. He’s changed his shirt least 5 times now and he’s shoes just as much.

This was new and definitely unlike him. They had stuck to their plans with not telling anyone, so him asking for help on what wear was not happening. He wasn’t sure if he was even the type of guy to ask for someone else’s opinion on clothes. 

Unfortunately just because he made the plans and knew what the night included, finding something to wear would be a piece of cake.

He now has a new and different found respect for women and what they must feel like getting ready for dates. 

This wouldn’t normally be a problem for him, he would always just throw together something that seemed to work but this was different. This was Sylvie Brett, he already knew she was going to look breath-taking so he wanted to look good for her, he wanted to be able to stand next two her and for the two of look like they belong together. 

In the end he decides on what he had on at the start of this mess. Black trousers, white linen button down top, a navy sweater and a thick grey coat. He didn’t have time to be stewing this so without hesitation he grabs the first pair of shoes he can reach and thankfully it works, his nice black boots. 

Rationally he knows the drive to her apartment isn’t at all that long of a drive. This time is different though, the nerves are staring to kick in, he’d obviously gone on so many dates before. First dates always bought the feelings of nerves, but this time round it was his first date with Sylvie.

He stops the car right out front, taking his time to get out of the car and walk up the front steps to her door and knocking.

She doesn’t make him wait long, she’s at the door and opening it in no time at all. He takes this as an opportunity to focus on her, to take it all in so that it becomes something else that’s burnt into his memory. 

Suspecting nothing else she looks mesmerising and radiant. Her black skirt frames her and shows off her perfectly long toned legs, her white satin long sleeve top has a deep v that he knows he’ll have trouble keeping his eyes from, he definitely doesn’t help that her necklace stops in between..,oh god.

No, he thinks to himself stop it. 

Get it together Matthew. Looking down he notices her shoes, black boots. They matched.

Gulping he finally meets her face, her hair is out and tucked behind her ear and her smile is hard to miss, it’s a smile he knows his real because it reaches her eyes. Somehow because she’s Sylvie Brett her eyes sparkle. 

“Matt, you okay?.” Is he okay? He wasn’t sure how to answer, because honestly he didn’t know if he was. Okay was definitely not the right word to describe how he was feeling right now. He can’t even think straight, forming a sentence on whether or not if he’s okay seems difficult right now. 

”You-um, you look. Wow.” He scratches the back of his head, instantly feeling red, suddenly he feels suffocated under his coat. 

“You look handsome, don’t stand too close to me people will think I’m a goblin compared to you.” Was she kidding? 

“Sylvie, you are beautiful and you look incredible. I basic just started at you for a good few minutes. I’m sorry. Also goblin?” 

“Don’t judge me it was the first thing that came to my mind.”

Laughing he raises his hands up in surrender. “You ready?” 

“Yep.” Turning she grabs her coat from behind the door, locking it behind her. 

A silence falls onto the both of them as Matt drove, it wasn’t awkward. It was filled with anticipation, they were both clearly a little nervous but the night was starting for them and he couldn’t be more excited. 

He’s not sure what he was thinking when he reaches across and takes her hand, placing it above his knee. 

He’s not even sure where all this new found confidence has come from but one things for sure and all he knew was that he wanted to hold her hand and not let go.