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Loving You

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Needing a place to clear his head Matt sits on the roof racking his brain of what could possibly be the reason for Sylvie's radio silence. 

He was not doing well, he already experienced what it was like for the two of them to be not talking and that was a mistake he really didn't want to re-live. But here he was again, the only difference was that he knew why the first time, this was different.

Severide joins him on the roof as he passes him a cigar. "Hey man how was the rest of your night." Severide eyes him suggestively wagging his eye-brows. 

Unsure of what he's on about he shakes his head. "Not great if I'm being honest." 

"What? Really? That's weird." Double taking he looks over at Matt confusion on his face as well.

"Yeah, why?" 

"Oh I just thought that you and Sylvie would have had a great night since it was quiet when I came home." 

"Sylvie?" And now he's even more confused.

"Yeah dude, didn't she come by? I told her you'd be home all night." 

"What!?'

"Man, keep up. She came by the apartment last night. I saw her at Mollys and she asked where you were so I told her you'd be home." 

And suddenly everything was coming to him. Of course it all made sense, she must have seen him with Gabby. "Shit!" 

Running his hands down his face he leans forward resting his elbows on his legs, of course it's his luck that Sylvie would see something that looked like something it wasn't. 

How was he going to even get her alone to explain that it wasn't what it looked like. She wouldn't even look at him. 

One step forward and two steps back. 

"Gabby came by and ambushed me, she must have seen her kiss me and left." 

"What the fuck?" Exactly the reaction he had expected. 

"Yeah." Matts unsure of what to say anymore, this was for sure a mess.

"Dude I'm so sorry. If I had known I wouldn't have sent her there." 

"Nah it's fine, it's not your fault. I should have known better that she was up too something." Measuring him he knows that it's no-ones fault, he can even understand why Gabby was the way she was. It didn't help that she had finally realised the mistakes she had made and because maybe she was lonely? 

He just needed to figure out away to get Sylvie to understand. 

TRUCK 81, SQUAD 3, ENGINE 51, AMBO 61, STRUCTURE FIRE

When the bell goes off he silently hopes she'll still interact with him, he knows deep down that she will because she's professional when she has to be but he hates that is the extent of their conversation.

Jumping out of the rig they asses the fire and begin to work on putting it out.

In the business of putting the fire out and rescuing he has no idea of what is going on outside until they are done and able to walk out. A few feet away from him a man is yelling at Sylvie who is currently trying to intubate a woman, presumably his partner. 

In fairness it's a lot to take and he's probably still in shock, he hated when the girls, especially Sylvie got yelled at for just doing their jobs. He’s about to help her and pull the man away from her when Cruz steps in-between the two of them and although he's thankful for it because she okay it hurts him because he can't be the one to help her right now. 

The rest of the shift goes about as well as expected, on duty Matt is does his best to be professional and he does everything he can to keep his mind off Sylvie. It just doesn't help that he's not perfect and every now and again he finds himself yearning to be near her, it wasn't the appropriate time for explanations he knew this. 

So he leaves it for later, but again they are called out. The cycle repeats its self, as more calls continue to come to them, so the most he hears from her is at the scenes, when its directing Foster or talking around him. 

This was pure agony at best and he hated every minute of it. 

Unfortunately things don't get better after their shift is over, she manages to leave the fire house before he can even finish closing his locker. 

Maybe he would have better luck tomorrow? Maybe the space would help clear both their minds, he doubted it would for him. 

...

He definitely does not have better luck the next day, or the day after that and after that again.

It's been a mess.

Matt feels utterly useless and heartbroken as he sits at Molly's deep into his 5th beer, he may not be drunk but he's definitely tipsy and It's very un-like him.

For Matt drinking his problems 'away' is the last thing he would normally do, he's a man with a level head and it didn't help that in the past year or two a lot has happened and changed in his life and he's managed to take it all and bottle it up within himself.

Saying 'I'm fine' had become apart of his daily vocabulary.

Some people would probably say that him sitting down to have a drink would be well deserved considering the year he's had. But he's not drinking because of the year he's had, he's drinking because right now he can't think of anything to do, his ex-wife refuses to believe that they are done and the woman he's in-love with won't talk to him, let alone look in his direction. 

What was a any man to do at this point? He needed a drink and he definitely thought he’d be out of here after just one but its 5 drinks later and he’s now chatting to a very enthusiastic brunette. Nodding along to her talking about the difference in sandals and heels. He can’t really hear much or what she’s trying to say and to be fair he’s not really even trying to listen. 

Its just a good distraction. Well it is until Severide makes his way over to him, he knows why. 

“Hey man, you alright?”

”Peachy.” Matt grumbles rolling his eyes, he really didn’t not wanting to be talking to Severide right now. 

The perky brunette sits up higher as she address’ Kelly. “Oh hi, I’m Brandy.”

“Hi.” Clearly very uninterested he pays no attention to her after saying hi back. It’s very obvious that Brandy’s attention is now all on Kelly. 

“How did you go with talking to Sylvie?” 

“It didn’t go.” How wasn’t it obvious? Obviously if it went well then he wouldn’t be here right now. 

“What do you mean?” 

"Exactly how I just said, she won't talk to me man, I-I ah, I don't know what to do anymore. She won't even look at me. It's over." Matt huffs trying to finish the conversation with him and trying to get Brandy’s attention back. Sometimes this happened, the minute Kelly walked into the room the woman he would be talking to would have all eyes for Severide. 

He wasn’t salty or anything but tonight he just wanted someone to pay attention to him.

Severide takes a seat beside, already Matt knows this is about to be some kind of half lecture and advice. “No it's not, have you tried to even go to her house? Have you actually tried to make her listen?"

"I can't make her listen to me if she doesn't want to even be in the same room as me." He really didn’t want to be having this conversation right now.

"You're right you can't but if she's going to assume things about you then she at-least needs to hear you out."

"Look man, I'm good here." He’s annoyed now. 

Clearly annoyed himself Severide stands up and takes Matt’s drink out of his hands along with his keys that are on the table. "If you think I'm going to stand by and let you do something you'll regret you are sadly mistaken. Come on, you've had enough and if I'm saying it, then It's true." 

That’s rich Matt thinks. "Severide seriously you are the last person that can tell me I've had enough." 

"Actually I can, I can because I know for a fact that your girl is on her way here and I wold hate for her to see you like this, especially see you with this stranger. First she see’s you with Gabby and now with another woman, it'll look even worse man, I'm telling you." 

"I couldn't give two flying fucks what she thinks." Lie, a big lie his heart was telling him, he knew this. Her opinion and what she thought of him was the most important. 

“Wait ‘your girl?’ Do you have a girlfriend?” Reminding then that she’s still there, the woman his with speaks up. 

“Yeah his girl, now you can leave.” Turning back to him Severide’s eyes are serious. “Come on let’s go. Trust me.” 

"Severide just piss of-." Turning around ready to give him another ear full he comes face to face with the most beautiful face and its like a cold bucket of water covers him everywhere. 

Time stands still and everything blurs, she stares off behind him and it's another reminder of what he was doing. Looking behind him at the woman he can't seem to place or remember her name, he darts his head back to Sylvie. Her lip quivers and she shakes her head as she steps backwards away from him running out the door. 

“No, no, no, no.” The panic that arises in his chest is completely terrifying, his skin is clammy and he feels like he's sweating out. 

"Wait Please!" Put his beer down as he lunges for the exist, running after her. This was his chance and he was going to take it, tipsy or not. 

"Sylvie!" His voice is loud and booming, making her stop in her tracks. 

"Just please, wait. Look no matter how mad or upset you are with me, please don't ever run off into the night on your own. Please." He needed her to know how much he cared for her well-being, how much it would destroy him if anything happened to her while she was out alone, first and foremost her safety was key. 

“I’m waiting for someone.” She looks behind as cars drive past the two of them. Her attention clearly elsewhere.

"Great and while we wait could you please just hear me out." 

"Matt.." He knows she does not want to be here right now but hearing her finally acknowledge him or say his name is music to his ears.

"Sylvie please." He would be against grovelling at this point.

Folding her arms across her chest, she exhales. “Fine." 

He’s no my sure what to say first, that he missed her or explain the situation. "What you saw-, you have to belive me. Nothing happened between Gabby and I, now I know how it must have looked to you, how it must have seemed." 

He continues even though he has no idea how much it’s helping. "I would never do something like that, I would never betray you like that, especially after the night we just had before, not after our first kiss, not after I told you I loved you." The vulnerability in his voice is evident, every world is hard for him to let out. He remembers waking up beside her on the couch, he remembers kissing her ever so lightly. 

"Matt its okay. I get it, she's your wife, you'd always go to her and she'll always go to you. You're not betraying me, we are just friends."

He almost can't believe this is happening. 

My wife? Matt thinks to himself, why would she still call her that? "Ex-wife, I don't need to remind you of that. Just friends? Are you kidding? You aren't just my friend, I love you. I don't dream about the future, having a marriage, kids with my friends, just you. All you." 

Breathing in she finally looks up at him, and immediately he can see her pain and it completely knocks him over. All he wants to do is reach over but again he knows that it's no his place, if she reaches out to him then of course he will go to her he knew he had to wait for her. 

"It was just really confusing Matt, I was coming up to you because I wanted to tell you that I was ready." Her shoulders slouch as she pulls her jacket even more so tightly around herself. She was cold. 

"Ready?" Read for what? He wasn't sure where she was going with this.

"Ready for you, for us..I was going to ask if you wanted to go do something together but when I saw you both I thought maybe I was wrong and I guess you changed your mind." Every apart of him breaks as she continues to explain that she was there for him. As she keeps telling him her version of the night he can't stop thinking of how the night should have gone had he not answered the door to Gabby. 

"I,-um." Running his hands down his face he's not sure what to say, he was scared that maybe he would say the wrong thing, that things between them are sensitive and awkward again. 

“It’s okay Matt, like I said I get it. It’s Gabby, she’s not someone you just let go of. I could never compete with her and I don’t wanna be the second choice, the one that comes after Gabby Dawson. I deserve someone who’s isn’t hanging out for their ex-wife. Being the second to Gabby at work was fine because she’s an amazing paramedic, and I know I’m good too. But being the second to her in a relationship...,that’s different.” 

He makes a point to step towards her. “Sylvie, you are not second to her.” 

She takes a step back from him. “I know my worth Matt, so please stay away from me. We can be work friends and I promise I’ll be professional always at the firehouse and during scenes but I can’t get in-between you and Gabby. I can’t.” Using the sleeve of her jacket she wipes the tears that roll down her face. 

Breathing in she gathers her composure. “I’ll see you at work Captain.” 

He’s not given a chance to speak back because she get into her car and it’s not like he can muster up something perfect to say after all of that. He can’t even fathom the heartbreak he’s feeling right now, the hurt is agony, more so than he’s felt in a long time. 

She was not second choice, she didn’t even have to complete with Gabby, she was better in every way.

There was no competition.