Before Johnny, Taeyong only wanted one thing. The one thing being to have fun while he still can. Commitment is scary and boring and Taeyong could never stay in one job without feeling miserable after a little while nor could he stay in a serious relationship without feeling absolutely dissatisfied.
And that's not the way to live. No, no, no. That was never the way to live, at least according to him.
Before Johnny, he wanted freedom in the sense that he gets to go out with anyone he wants to and he gets to have his own little private time without anyone worrying about him. It gets lonely but Taeyong never noticed until Johnny.
He had always thought he lived a pretty good life, that he was happy even though sometimes that nagging feeling of discontent kept him up at night. He likes picturing a future to look forward to because without that picture, he'd feel lost. What is the meaning if there is nothing for him in two, five, ten years from now? The thought makes him spiral.
Taeyong isn't a man of faith and he doesn't pray for what he wants, doesn't pray for what he needs. But before Johnny, he prayed once, he remembers this clearly, sitting up in bed at four in the morning after spending hours crying over nothing, to never cry again. And it's ridiculous and stupid and as expected, he cried again the next day.
Taeyong doesn't pray if he isn't desperate but even then he tries not to resort to it.
That was, however, before Johnny Suh .
And there are a lot of things Taeyong was and wanted before Johnny, but the one thing that was consistent was that Taeyong despises children.
After Johnny, Taeyong wants one.
"Babe, will you please sit down? You're making me nervous and I don't get nervous." Johnny is saying, for once looking up from the magazine he's been flipping through for the last thirty minutes.
Taeyong is restless. He's fiddling with his fingers and pacing the floor of the waiting room, waiting to be called into the office. He's been waiting for what felt like hours and he doesn't know how Johnny could be sitting there, looking calm and collected.
He frowns. "Why aren't you nervous? You should be! How can you sit there and pretend to read that thing while I'm hyperventilating?"
He's being dramatic, he knows that and he knows that Johnny knows that too, if his eye-roll is anything to go by. He watches as Johnny closes the magazine and places it back on the stand before their eyes meet. Johnny sighs, "Come here."
Reluctantly, Taeyong goes over to his husband with a huff, letting Johnny take both his hands in his bigger ones to squeeze them gently. "I'm sorry."
"Baby, don't be, hm?" Johnny pulls him down to sit next to him, releasing one hand but not the other. "I completely understand why you're nervous and I am too but I promise you it'll be okay. We've done everything we could. We passed all the interviews and home-studies and they think we're doing great, thanks to you. If this doesn't work out, there's always another time. Yeah?"
Taeyong nods, exhaling a soft sigh as he tries to relax. They've waited months for this moment, for this day, and if it doesn't go as planned then Taeyong would be lying if he isn't disappointed, but Johnny is right; there's always another time.
The interview between the birth parent of their possible future child and them had gone well, in Taeyong's opinion. The lady is young, in the middle of her twenties, and she has a lovely smile and really pretty eyes. Those are the little things Taeyong made sure to observe, so he could conjure up an image of the baby they could possibly be adopting.
He hasn't been able to sleep very well in the time period of waiting to be called by the agency whenever a birth parent chooses them and it has been months since they passed the general interviews and social workers coming up to check their home and families.
Today has been long awaited and it's over, now all they'd have to do is wait.
"Thank you," Taeyong squeezes Johnny's hand, flashing his husband a little smile.
Johnny's smile is confused but he doesn't let go of Taeyong's hand. "What for, baby?"
They stare at each other for a second and Johnny's mouth parts to speak but then the office door opens and the official from the agency smiles at them.
Here we go.
They met on a particularly cold winter night.
Taeyong did not have a good day, after sleeping through his alarm clock and getting to work late , and to top it off his manager had been in a pissy mood so he wasn't spared from the lecture and warning. There was also a pile of work to get done and he couldn't clock out until he finished.
Which would explain why he was grumpily walking into the cafe at nearly nine o'clock to escape the snow and get some warmth before he dies out in the cold, wanting to go home but trembling so much he wasn't sure he wouldn't wake up tomorrow sick .
He wouldn't admit to this then but he knows now it was his fault for not looking where he was going, bumping into Johnny and spilling hot coffee all over the taller's coat. He'd been ready to apologize until he saw the splatters of the black americano on his own coat and he had been livid.
Johnny didn't deserve it, of course, but Taeyong had been loud and dramatic and blamed Johnny for not looking. Thinking back, he thinks he would probably have been yelled at if it wasn't Johnny, who was calm and kind and who had merely laughed and asked if he could buy Taeyong coffee to make up for it.
Obviously, Taeyong agreed. Annoyed as he was, Johnny was by far the cutest boy he'd seen in a hot minute and he would be foolish to actually say no.
By the end of the night, Taeyong was laughing over something Johnny said, head thrown back and slapping at his knee as if it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard. He had never shied away from flirting so when Johnny had started, Taeyong had reciprocated.
They didn't exchange their numbers until the morning after, Johnny pulling on his jeans after a shower and asking Taeyong if he'd like to go out for coffee again. Taeyong said yes.
After, when Johnny is long gone and Taeyong just realized he was late to work again, he prayed that his manager wouldn't be in a mood.
As expected, the prayer went unheard.
The first person Taeyong asked about children was Doyoung, who is a doctor specializing in children care and also Taeyong's best friend.
This was before he'd even told Johnny that he was thinking of kids because they were still new into the relationship and he didn't want to scare Johnny by speaking of the future in depth, even though it was Johnny's caring nature with children that made Taeyong change his mind.
He visited Doyoung in the middle of the day, during a lunch break, to ask a simple question of what Doyoung thought of him being a dad.
"Seriously?" Doyoung had asked with a frown, biting into an apple since apples are the only fruit he brings to work. He says the children need to believe he's eating one to keep a doctor away. Taeyong finds it ridiculous but he doesn't question Doyoung.
He'd shrugged his shoulders, watching Doyoung. "I'm serious. What do you think about me being a dad? Do you think I'd be a good dad?"
"Taeyong," Doyoung shook his head, chewing. "Don't you, like, dislike children? To be a good parent, first of all you'll have to like kids. And second you're gonna have to be very responsible and committed and I don't remember you being any of those."
Taeyong huffed, offended but knowing Doyoung had a reason for saying so. He imagined it wouldn't be easy for Doyoung to believe that his beliefs had been gradually changing ever since he met Johnny. "I just— I think I'd want one. In the future."
Doyoung's eyebrows raised, surprised. "Since when?"
"My god," Doyoung had sighed, staring at his half-bitten apple before he looked up and met Taeyong's gaze. "He got you bad, huh? I don't remember you even wanting one when you were with Baekhyun. That lasted, what? Five months? How long since you and Johnny started dating?"
Taeyong remembers pretending like he didn't keep count even though in his head he knew they'd been together for 298 days. "Almost a year?"
"Is this serious?"
He sighed, looking away from Doyoung. "I think so. I mean, I haven't spoken to him about kids but I just thought I'd ask you first. He's so good with them, you know? He'd make an amazing father, no doubt."
Doyoung looked skeptical but Taeyong knows Doyoung loves him and he'd only ever want Taeyong to be happy. So when he sighed, Taeyong smiled. "As your best friend, I know you'll be good at something if you put your heart to it. If it's something you want in the future, I know you'd do well, Yongie."
That night, Taeyong went to bed early after bidding Johnny goodnight and then he prayed.
He prayed for strength and confidence to bring up the conversation with his boyfriend, but when he saw Johnny next, the topic was stored deep, deep down within his chest, forgotten momentarily.
In what way did Johnny make Taeyong want children? The answer is easy. Johnny, when surrounded with kids, his nephews and nieces at a birthday party he brought Taeyong to, looked exactly like the image of a dad Taeyong's always had in mind. The genuine laughter, the smiles and giggles from the children, the way they were so comfortable playing with him, talking to him, clinging to him.
He talked to Taeyong about being parents, at some point, and Taeyong found himself smiling instead of recoiling, picturing a garden picnic with him and Johnny and two beautiful children playing around them. It's pretty and Taeyong dreams of it.
To start, when they moved in together, Johnny gifted Taeyong with a white kitten they named Charlie, who ended up favoring Taeyong over Johnny, obvious in the way he hisses whenever Johnny picked him up. Johnny didn't mind.
"If we ever have kids," Johnny said one night as they laid in bed, Taeyong's head pillowed on Johnny's lap with his laptop in front of them, watching a movie. "They're gonna love you like Charlie loves you."
Taeyong had turned his head to look up at Johnny, wondering whether or not he should be frustrated that Johnny is this good to him but in the end he only leant up to press a kiss to Johnny's jaw.
He decided that night that he does want children but he'd only ever want them with Johnny.
Their wedding was simple.
Johnny proposed six months prior, a little memorable moment that Taeyong would remember for life. It came in the most surprising way; a simple home photoshoot Johnny had planned, with the two of them laughing and being themselves as the camera went off and then Johnny had held papers up to pose with and it had captured Taeyong's reaction when he turned and Taeyong read what was written.
'Will you marry me? '
The answer would always be yes.
As much as Taeyong wanted a big, celebratory ceremony for their wedding, he decided after much discussion with Johnny that it wasn't necessary. They invited close family members and friends and the day was sunny and Taeyong had cried.
Of course he had cried, even though he prayed that he wouldn't.
Their rings were black instead of silver or gold and Johnny had kissed him so sweetly as they danced, in a world of their own, wrapped in a bubble of happiness that he wishes would last a lifetime.
The adoption process wasn't easy, clearly. They both did a lot of reading before reaching out to any adoption agencies, making sure they understood the weight of this responsibility and that they both truly, genuinely wanted it.
The money wasn't a problem, fortunately, because Johnny owns a thriving company and they both decided that Taeyong could lay off work for a bit, at least until their child is old enough. Before anything, they decided first that they want to adopt an infant.
Reading about the steps to adopting was both fun and stressful to Taeyong. He was mostly excited and after every time he reads through the same steps, he'd find himself picturing his own, happy family.
With the help of Jaehyun, Johnny's best friend, they met with an adoption professional to proceed with the questions and how to go about adopting a child. At this point, it felt real , and Taeyong was nervous.
The adoption professional they met with was a lady named Liz, a friendly middle-aged woman who offered Taeyong candy when she noticed that he was nervous. He was tempted not to take it just to see if it was a test, in case they wanted to challenge his maturity. Of course, that wasn't true.
(He did take the candy.)
"Since both of you have studied the cost of adoption and decided on what type of adoption you'd like to proceed with," Liz said when she took out a huge file containing fresh papers. "and I've answered all the questions you have at the moment, we can proceed with the paperwork. I know this is dreadful but it will help a lot with the process."
She explained the adoption plan they would be discussing on together, a step to take to firm up their preferences and how she would help with their adoptive parents profile that would be available for birth mothers to look at.
It was a lot of paperwork but Taeyong and Johnny were excited to discuss it so it felt good, somehow.
After all that paperwork, however, came the physical part of the process; home study. This was, to Taeyong, a pain in the ass but mainly because he found himself stressing over the littlest things, like not putting the plates on the right rack because he was scared the social worker would deem that bad parenting.
Still, through all of his breakdowns and random crying, Johnny held him so close, always there. If anything, it's only made him realize that this is the reason why he wants everything with Johnny.
He knows Johnny wouldn't abandon him and that security makes him fly free.
Still, he prays, one more time, for them to be blessed with a ray of sunshine.
Hyeri is the name of the lady who had chosen them out of all the other adoptive parent profiles as a possible future family for her unborn baby.
And right now Taeyong is staring at Liz after they've all filed back into her office. Hyeri isn't there anymore so Taeyong couldn't see her face to know whether or not she had agreed to give away her child for them to adopt. His heart is racing wild against his chest, nervous with what Hyeri had decided on.
Liz clears her throat, always smiling. "Hyeri had spent a lot of time thinking it through before she actually picked you out of the profile lists and today's interview was the final touch she needed to make her decision, as you already know."
Taeyong nods, wishing Liz would hurry up and make him happy or disappoint him. A single squeeze of Johnny's hand has him exhaling softly, clearing his throat. "And what does she think?"
"Well," Liz's smile widens. "I have good news for you boys. You're going to be amazing parents."
The squeal Taeyong lets out is inhuman as he jumps out of his seat and into Johnny's arms. The joy he feels is nothing like he's ever felt and without realizing it, Taeyong is already crying, sobbing into the crook of Johnny's neck as his husband holds him close to his chest, arms wound around each other.
Liz allows them a few moments of privacy and she leaves the room momentarily. Taeyong sniffles as he pulls away, smiling as Johnny wipes at his cheeks.
"You okay, baby?" Johnny asks.
Taeyong nods, releasing another half sob and half chuckle. "Oh god, it's really happening, isn't it? We're gonna be dads and we'll have tiny feetsies running around in the house."
Johnny laughs, nodding as well. His hands cup Taeyong's cheeks and he presses a kiss to his forehead. "I love you. You're going to be amazing."
He softens, sniffling once more. " We are."
Just then, the door opens again and they turn to see that Liz had returned with Hyeri tailing behind her. Taeyong feels another stream of tears rain down his cheeks and he pulls the pregnant woman in a hug.
They thank her over and over again before Liz guides them to the remaining paperwork needed to be done. Hyeri's due date is in three months or so but in between if she wants to, she's encouraged to take a look at the new home her baby would grow in.
They part with another hug and Taeyong thanks Hyeri once again before he turns to Johnny and nearly begged him to go shopping for their baby but Johnny says Taeyong needs to rest.
He relents, but only because he knows as soon as he wakes up tomorrow they're going shopping.
"You don't need two baby cribs," Johnny says when he notices Taeyong actually considering the two different styles of baby cribs on display.
Taeyong frowns. "But one's for the nursery and another one for when he sleeps in our room."
He watches as Johnny purses his lips, raising his brows almost as if to challenge his husband to argue and then gasping dramatically when Johnny says; "We don't need two baby cribs."
" Fine, " Taeyong grumbles, writing down the code number of the one that caught his eye first so he could make an order later.
The perks of shopping here is that Taeyong could spend all the time he needs to make a decision and Taeyong doesn't make decisions easily. The trolley is already filling up with toys and bedsheets for the baby, and he's picking up decorative items for the room they're preparing for their child.
"B, look," Johnny calls, prompting Taeyong to turn around. He's holding up a baby pillow, causing Taeyong to coo as he goes over to take a look.
"This is so cute. And so many colors!!" He picks up a blue and a pink and a yellow. "I don't even know which one to get."
Johnny's smile is as soft as Taeyong feels, picking up a white one to show Taeyong. "How about this? It'll go well with the room if we're sticking to soft colors. And I know how much you like to keep your aesthetics. "
Taeyong beams, eyes turning into crescents as he takes the one Johnny hands over to him to place in the trolley. "You know me so well, Johnny Suh."
"We've been together five years, Lee Taeyong," Johnny mocks him, taking over the trolley so he could push but not without a little kiss to Taeyong's cheek. "I'd be a terrible husband if I don't."
A giggle leaves him as he hooks his hands around Johnny's elbow, leaning against his husband while they continue to browse through the things they need to decorate their baby's room.
Taeyong has been the most excited about this part. After parting ways with Hyeri the other day, he'd gone to get clothes the next day and today the furniture for the room. He might have had a dream or two about carrying a baby in his arms and the anticipation gets so much that he had to check himself because nothing is a hundred percent guaranteed and he'd hate to be disappointed.
"Have you thought of names yet?" Johnny is asking as he drives them home, a palm on Taeyong's thigh while the other steers the steering wheel.
If he said no, it'd be a lie, so he nods. "A few. But I want us to choose together and I have this thing that's just like, it has to fit the baby, you know?"
"Like if he vibes with the name?" Johnny asks, wearing a teasing smile as if to mock Taeyong.
Taeyong huffs. "You know what I mean! He's just gotta look like his name. Like I look like a Taeyong and you look like a Johnny."
Johnny laughs, squeezing his thigh. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. We'll think of a few names and then see what the baby looks like when the day comes, yeah?"
He rewards Johnny with a kiss for that and on the way home, Taeyong makes Johnny stop at a street because he saw a cute little shop and he leaves it with another two bags of baby clothes and shoes and socks and bibs.
By the time they're home, full from the dinner that Taeyong prepared, they were too tired to set up the room and he falls asleep against Johnny's side, a video of laughing babies playing on TV.
They had just finished up with the room when Taeyong first noticed Johnny wiping at his cheeks and he looks over to see that Johnny's shedding tears, paint streaks on his cheek and a headband keeping his hair back, his sleeves rolled up.
Taeyong could guess why but still he goes to straddle Johnny's lap and cups his cheeks, kissing each one with a smile. "You okay, baby?"
Johnny nods, arms winding around Taeyong's thin waist. "Just, you know, looking at this room and how we're gonna be three instead of just two. Makes me emo. Just a little."
He laughs softly, cradling Johnny's head to his chest and Johnny doesn't hesitate to hold him close. He feels the same kind of joy in his chest, enough to have his eyes pricking and even though they're exhausted from a day of painting the walls and decorating the nursery, all they feel is happy.
Taeyong pulls back to look at Johnny, smiling as he uses his thumbs to wipe at his husband's cheeks. "Are you happy, Johnny?"
Johnny's smile when he returns it is soft, fond. His hands raise to comb his fingers through Taeyong's hair. "I've never been this happy with anyone else."
He takes a moment to cherish this, to carve the memory of Johnny's face into the depths of his brain, to remember what happiness looks like and how it looks like in Johnny's eyes. It's mind blowing in a way and after he presses a kiss to Johnny's mouth, he gets off his lap to go to the wardrobe.
"I still think this one shouldn't be here," He says, standing firm in his opinion that the baby wardrobe should be placed elsewhere.
Johnny laughs with a roll of his eyes, getting up as well. " Fine ."
They were about to have lunch, three and a half months later, when they received a call from Liz that Hyeri had gone into labor.
It's safe to say that food was quickly forgotten as Taeyong rushed Johnny into the car so they could drive to the hospital Hyeri had checked into. They'd agreed in the paperwork that they would be present during the birth of the child and now when it's happening, Taeyong swore he was shaking.
At the hospital, they were both allowed to be with Hyeri and while she was calmly going through a magazine, Taeyong paced the floor and Johnny's nervousness showed in the way his leg bounced, a nervous tick Taeyong learned in the time they were together.
The contractions, as they were explained to, would come as and when, which means Hyeri would groan at the most random times and set Taeyong and Johnny back into panic mode.
It didn't take long for Hyeri to be ready to give birth and it's Taeyong who offered to be with her inside the birthing room. The experience was one he would never, ever forget, not even if he wanted to.
Still, in a way, it was heartwarming.
After, Taeyong returns to Johnny, his fingers shaking, and all he could hear is the first cry the baby let out once he was born into the world.
His heart is full and he cries into Johnny's arms for a good five minutes before he finally calms down enough to tell Johnny everything. Johnny looked perplexed to hear the details, to say the least but once Taeyong explained properly, he nodded with understanding though he still looked a little horrified.
Now, Taeyong couldn't bring himself to sit down as they wait for Hyeri to be ready, seeing as she wanted to be the first to hold her baby. Like the day they met her for the first time, Taeyong paces the floor and Johnny looks through a parenthood magazine.
"If we have to wait another hour I might actually have another breakdown," Taeyong says after a moment, finally getting Johnny to look up at him.
Johnny reaches over to take his hand, smiling and looking as calm as ever. "It'll be any minute now."
As if on cue, a nurse comes out of Hyeri's ward with a warm smile on her face. She instructs them to use the hand sanitizer before going in but eventually only congratulates them for their baby.
Taeyong is shaking, even with Johnny's hand holding his to keep him from trembling. They go into the room and the first thing he sees is Hyeri on her bed, smiling down at the babe in her arms.
She looks up and meets his gaze, offering him a smile before she subtly holds up her baby, an offer for him to carry. Seeing him struck in place, Johnny gives a kiss to his temple to boost him forward.
Looking at the baby's face for the first time feels like a dream. All babies look the same, somehow, yet this one seems to shine, and instantly Taeyong falls in love with a tiny human being he's about to raise with the love of his life. He couldn't help the tears that roll down his cheeks but he quickly wipes them off so he could carry the baby in his arms.
The kind of gentleness one naturally has when handling a newborn baby is almost alarming. He didn't think he was ever this gentle but as he slowly takes the infant into his arms, all he feels is the overwhelming sense to protect.
He raises his head to meet Johnny's eyes and they share a smile as they both gaze at the baby's sleeping face. His eyes are closed and he's the tiniest baby Taeyong has ever seen.
"Have you guys thought of a name?" Hyeri asks.
Once again, Taeyong and Johnny share a glance and it's almost like they were connected telepathically because at the same time, they both said one of the names from the list of them they've thought of.
" Donghyuck ."
"Look at his little chubby legs. Who's got chubby legs? Who's got the chubby chub chubs??" Taeyong coos as he tries to change Hyuckie's diaper, now four months old and already learning how to flip over to his front, which is a challenge to Taeyong on its own, especially when it comes to dressing him.
Hyuckie is staring up at him with a confused look on his face but he's always confused anyway, at least until Taeyong makes a little sound to tease him and he'd smile or laugh.
It's a weekend, and they'd just woken up to start the day. Johnny's already up and preparing Hyuckie formula milk, his hair a nest on top of his head and Taeyong giggles at the sight, carrying his baby up so they could both look at Johnny.
Almost naturally now, Hyuckie smiles as soon as he sees Johnny, his little body squirming in small excitement.
"Look at dada's hair," Taeyong says with another giggle as Johnny returns with the milk bottle in hand. Taeyong teases. "Baby, you look so sexy."
"Why, thank you," Johnny plays along but not without a little laugh before he faces their baby. "Is dada's little Hyuckie hungry for his milk-milk?"
As if on cue, Hyuck starts to kick his legs before Taeyong hears his little sobs, clearly already hungry for his first feeding of the day. He takes the bottle from Johnny and for the next twenty minutes or so, Hyuck remains quiet as he drinks.
This is routine by now; Taeyong wakes up first to wake up Hyuck so they could follow their working schedule and then Johnny would be up instantly, always the one getting off the bed to prepare Hyuck's milk. After which, while Taeyong feeds their baby, Johnny prepares coffee for them both.
At this age, Hyuck sleeps most of the time but today they have plans to meet their friends for brunch and it's the first time they're actually bringing Hyuck out to meet people besides the occasional walks they take around the neighborhood.
While Johnny is in the shower, Taeyong plays with Hyuck to get him tired enough for a little nap. Being a parent is no easy task, even though he already expected it and there aren't specific answers from a textbook. But from his research, he thinks Hyuck isn't the fussiest of babies so he's grateful.
Putting Hyuck to bed is yet another challenge and if Hyuck ever cries it's when Taeyong or Johnny are trying to get him to sleep. Still, he falls asleep to Taeyong's soft humming anyway.
Getting Hyuck to calm down in the car, Taeyong realized just now as they try to settle in, proves to be even more challenging. He tries singing and making faces but Hyuck continues to cry. Eventually, Hyuck falls asleep once again and Taeyong stays in the backseat to keep watch on the little guy.
When they get to the cafe, Doyoung, Jaehyun and Ten are already waiting and the moment Johnny walks in with a baby carrier strapped to his chest and little Hyuck kicking his legs, Ten is the first to screech as he flies out of his chair to meet Hyuck.
"Oh my god, he's a little honeybun!!" Ten coos, his baby voice high-pitched as Hyuck stares at him, as if confused whether or not to cry.
Johnny laughs as he takes Hyuck out of the baby carrier and Taeyong watches as Ten carries the baby, a little wary that Hyuck would start wailing but after a moment, Hyuck seems to settle well.
"You two been busy parents, huh?" Doyoung says with a nudge to Taeyong's shoulder. "He's looking well. I'm so glad everything works out."
Taeyong beams at his best friend. "I know, I'm honestly so happy. Everything's been amazing."
"Mhm," Taeyong nods. "Like, I know there's gonna be a lot more challenging stuff we'll have to go through raising him but I'm, you know, I think we can handle it."
Doyoung's arm goes around Taeyong's shoulders for a squeeze. "I'm so happy for you."
The entire brunch session consists of less eating and more passing Donghyuck around the table. He only cries when he gets hungry but afterwards would play with Ten or Doyoung or Jaehyun happily.
Now as he watches Doyoung lift up Hyuck with his own baby voice that Jaehyun is making fun of, he leans against Johnny with a happy sigh. Johnny kisses his temple and squeezes at his hip.
"Happy?" Johnny asks.
Taeyong smiles at him, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "So very happy. Couldn't do it without you, though."
Johnny's smile is, like Hyuck's, like a ray from the sun. He pecks at Taeyong's lips briefly and pulls him close to his chest. "I'd never do it if it isn't with you."
The words make Taeyong's smile widen and as he watches his husband's face light up and his friends playing with his baby and Hyuck giggling and gurgling, already comfortable, he knows this is only the start of their long journey but Taeyong has a brief picture of the future and he isn't so afraid, not as long as he has them.