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When I was your man

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“Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now.”
—————————————————————

The night Brett left, Liam didn’t sleep well. It felt wrong to sleep by himself, despite the bed originally being his, when Brett spent most nights over in their bed.

Brett’s side was too cold, too unfamiliar. The pillow he usually used still smelt like him, but it wasn’t the same. His warmth wasn’t there. His arm wasn’t wrapped around Liam’s waist, his chin wasn’t resting on his head.

Liam went over their argument hundreds of times. All the horrible words he had said to his now ex-boyfriend.

It had started out like their disagreements usually did. Liam had separated himself from Brett whenever someone walked by them on the street.
Despite him saying that he would work on it, months ago. Brett was, rightfully, disappointed and upset.

Not mad, though.

Never mad.

Liam wished he would get mad, he knew how to deal with anger. He didn’t know how to deal with disappointment.

Brett had prodded Liam, trying to get him to talk about his emotions. He had been trying to help, trying to get Liam to be open with him. And what had Liam done? Blown up in his face.

He doubted he would ever forget the look on Brett’s face when Liam had yelled at him.

‘Who said I wanted your help? Like you know anything about me. Your “help” got your parents, pack, and sister killed. You’re just an orphan who will never fit in anywhere. I wish the car crash would have killed you along with Lori, at least then I wouldn’t have to listen to you complain about MY problems.’

Liam had wanted to take it all back as soon as he said it, but it was too late. Brett had stared at him, eyes filled with pain and tears running down his face. He ran his hand under his nose, sniffling.

“Is that really how you feel?”

Liam stayed silent, staring down at his clenched hands.

His hands twitched at his sides, “Alright. I’m going to pack my stuff, and leave. I’ll see if Scott has a place for me to stay.” Brett shook his head, and wiped the remainder of his tears away. He grabbed his shoes from where they sat by the bed, his backpack from the chair, and brushed passed Liam, careful not to make any contact.

He paused at the door, catching Liam’s eyes. “I’m sorry for pushing too hard.”

—————————————————————-
“Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same.”
—————————————————————

The first time their song had come on the radio, Liam had to pull over to stop himself from getting into a car accident.

The emotions that came with the song hit him like a train. He found himself doubled over the steering wheel, barely holding back tears.

The chorus started despite Liam wishing it could shut off by itself, not being able to move from his position.

“You look so perfect standing there, In my American Apparel underwear,
And I know now, That I’ll slow down”

Flashes of Brett singing along in the car filled Liam’s mind. The ear-to-ear grin that had been on his face, unaware of anything aside from himself while he sang. The look Brett had given him while Liam had watched the taller teen, full of happiness and joy.

“Your lipstick stain is a work of art, I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart,
And I know now, that I’ll slow down”

He remembers finding himself singing right alongside Brett, swaying his head to the beat. How Brett would beat his hands on the wheel, bobbing his head while he drove. His face being illuminated by the early morning sun. He had looked so ethereal that morning, it had been one of their favorite memories together.

Now, though? Now it just served to remind Liam of what he had lost, of what he had drove away. The aching in his chest grew until he could no longer hold back, tears leaking from his eyes.

Liam chastised himself for wishing Brett was there.

—————————————————————-
“When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down, Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name”
—————————————————————-

Liam knew, of course, that Mason was only trying to help.

“Brett isn’t doing much better, you know. He blames himself for making you snap at him.” Mason sets his controller down, pausing the game, and turns to look at him.

He sighs, setting his down as well. There’s a protective look in Mason’s eyes, and Liam knows where this is going.

“You should talk to him. You ignoring him is just making things worse for the both of you.”

Liam scoffs, “Mason, I think you’re forgetting who walked out on who. I don’t want to talk to him. I’m sure he’s already out at Sinema hooking up with another guy.”

Mason let’s out a noise of surprise. “You honestly think that badly of him?” He shakes his head, sighing. “You, out of all people, should know better. Wow, unbelievable. I went to go see him, you know that?”

Liam stays silent, not able to look back at his friend. Not able to admit that he was right. Brett wouldn’t do that.

“He called me the other night, I’ve never heard him so miserable. When I got to Scott’s house - which is where he is staying, by the way - Scott told me he had barely moved from the couch since he got there. Brett looks horrible, dude. I mean, you look bad, but he looks horrible.”

Liam clenches his jaw, digging his nails into the palms of his hands. “I don’t want to talk about this, Mason, and I don’t want to talk to him. Leave it be.”

“I can’t believe you would let him blame himself for this,” he narrows his eyes, “You know how much guilt he carries around already, and you’re letting him add your breakup on top of that. You may not want to talk to him, Liam, but it doesn’t really matter. You owe it to him.”

Mason stands up, and Liam watches as his friend heads to the bedroom door. He knows what Mason was saying is true. He shouldn’t let Brett blame himself for what Liam did. He just wasn’t ready to face him yet. Didn’t know when he would be able to, the shame if his words still hanging over his head.

“I hope you do the right thing, Liam.”

—————————————————————-
“Too young, too dumb to realize, that I should have bought you flowers, and held your hand.”
—————————————————————-

Liam finds himself thinking back to one of the first times he had hurt Brett. A. very specific moment came to mind, when he and Brett had first started dating.

It was nearing Valentines, a few months after the car accident. This was the first time spending a holiday with one another. What were couples supposed to do on Valentines? Go on dates? Liam wanted to do those things with Brett, but he was too prideful to admit that to his boyfriend.

Luckily, he didn’t have to plan anything. At lunch, the day of Valentines, Brett had come to see him at Beacon Hills. Which was sweet, expect for the fact that Liam wasn’t exactly out yet in school. His friends knew, obviously, but not everyone else.

He glared at his boyfriend, silently wishing he wasn’t such a romantic. “What the hell are you going here?”

Brett smiled sweetly, seemingly unaffected by Liam’s anger. “Is it a crime to want to see my boyfriend?”

He reached out to hold Liam’s hand, but he didn’t get far before it was slapped away.

“Don’t touch me, Brett. I can’t believe you would just show up here. I’m leaving.” Brett looked hurt, and he briefly regretted his words. He hadn’t done anything wrong. But it was too late, he couldn’t take them back now.

Liam moves to stand up, grabbing his backpack, but he was pulled back down into his seat. He glanced to his boyfriend, who had moved from his place across from Liam.

“No, I can leave. You’re right, I shouldn’t have just shown up without warning. Just wanted to tell you in person that I’ll pick you up at 7, alright? I already talked to your mom about it.” Brett had a soft smile on his face, far from the pain that had been present earlier.

He didn’t wait for Liam’s response before leaving. Liam watched as he weaved his way out of the lunch room, hoping that he would have stayed with him. He didn’t actually want Brett to leave, but it was too late now.

The frustration from his reaction stuck with Liam all day, festering into something nasty and mean by the time 7 o’clock rolled around.

Brett had picked him up as planned, and had driven to the italian restaurant downtown. When they arrived, Brett motioned for Liam to go on ahead. “The reservation is under Talbot.”

Liam went in, got their table, and waited. Brett wasn’t too far behind him, luckily, but he had a hand behind his back.

Liam raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, a silent question in his expression.

He sat down across from him, before producing a beutiful array of roses from behind him. Liam didn’t know what to do, they were gorgeous. So, he did what he normally did, turn his emotions into more frustration.

“I don’t want your stupid flowers, Brett.”

He looked like a deer caught in headlights, dropping the smile that was on his face. He looked down at the bouquet, picking at the leaves of the roses. Liam wished he could hear what Brett was thinking, because a moment later, he went right back to smiling.

“Right, it was stupid anyways.” He had set down the flowers on the table, momentarily pausing before looking back up at Liam. “Sorry about that,” he grinned, “let’s get on with our date.”

Liam remembers the sadness in Brett’s scent, and realized later just how bad that day had been for his boyfriend. All he had wanted to do was spend time wo Liam, but each step he took, he was pushed back.

He regrets a lot of things, and the way he treated Brett that day is high up on that list.

—————————————————————-
“Shoulda gave you all my hours, when I had the chance.”
—————————————————————-

Liam had never slept well before, but now he was really having issues. He would lay for hours on his bed, staring at his ceiling, thinking about all the things he’d done to Brett. All the things that the taller beta didn’t deserve.

How many times Liam had bailed on their dates, how often Liam made excuses when Brett asked to hang out.

Looking back at the course of their relationship, Liam found himself surprised that Brett stayed for so long. Liam had been horrible to the other beta. He knew that he definitely had more to apologize for than just their last fight. Hell, there wasn’t much that he didn’t need to apologize for.

He knew that he had to go talk to Brett.

He couldn’t go talk to Brett.

Liam had no idea how he could ever seek forgiveness for everything he did. There was too much, too much. He didn’t think he could face Brett, now especially after his realization.

Mainly because he knew that Brett would forgive him, forgive everything he did without a second thought.

He needs Brett to be mad at him, to yell at him, to tell him how much he has hurt the other teen, but he knows that Brett would never do that. He would never hurt Liam like that.

Brett loved Liam too much to do that.

—————————————————————-
“Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance, Now my baby’s dancing, but he’s dancing with another man.”
—————————————————————-

Mason wanted to go to Sinema, wanted to go to Sinema with Liam.

“Come on, man. Maybe it’ll help. I need my co-pilot back.”

Liam looked up to his friend. He looked excited, and with all Liam has put his best friend through, he figured he owed Mason.

He thinks about the last time he had thought about going to Sinema, which brought him to thinking about Brett - as most things seem to nowadays.

Brett had asked if they could go out together to the club.

Shit, he really didn’t want to think about this right now.

“You zoned out for a little bit there. You ok?”

“Yah. Yah I’m fine, let’s go.”

—————————————————————-
“My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways.”
—————————————————————-

It had been a month since Brett had walked out, and Liam had yet to reach out. He hadn’t really talked to most of his pack, save for Mason, who really only came around to try and convince him to get off his ass.

Liam knew that he needed to say something. Even just a simple text, maybe saying something along the lines of “It’s not your fault.” Mason had assured him that any kind of message would be alright, he didn’t have to go see Brett in person.

He kept putting it off. ‘I’ll do it later.’ ‘I’ll do it tomorrow.’

The longer he waited, the harder it was to talk himself into doing it. I’ve waited too long, he tells himself. It’s too late now.

He’s stared at their messages for hours by now, typing and retyping texts over and over again. Liam hoped that Brett wasn’t looking at their messages, he didn’t want him to see Liam’s hesitation.

Sometimes he would put his phone on airplane mode, and text out apologies to Brett. They never got to him, and it didn’t help Liam at all.

He hated that he couldn’t get himself to send them to Brett.

—————————————————————-
“Caused a good strong man like you to walk out my life.”
—————————————————————-

Mason and Scott came by to pick up the remainder of Brett’s stuff from his house. Liam briefly wondered what had too Brett so long to get it, but he really didn’t have the right to say anything about putting things off.

Scott seemed to be walking on eggshells around Liam, like he didn’t quite know what to do with him. It takes him back to the days after the bite, when Scott had been guilty. Mason, however, just looked at him in disappointment.

He couldn’t watch them remove Brett’s boxes from the living room. It had hurt to box everything of his up, but it had still been in the house. Now, everything of his would be gone. Liam wouldn’t be able to catch Brett’s scent on anything anymore. He hated the little things he clung to like that.

When all the boxes were gone, Mason and Scott hesitated leaving. They looked at each other, seemingly trying to decide if they should tell Liam something.

Liam glared at the two, “Just spit it out already. What is it?” He could barely stop a growl from following, frustration boiling inside of him.

Mason took a step forward, nodding at Scott.

“I know that you’ve heard this probably of hundreds of times by now, but you really need to talk to Brett.” Of course this was about Brett. Why wouldn’t it be?

“And why should I do that? I already told you I wasn’t going to.”

This time, it was Scott who stepped forward. “This is the last chance you’re going to get, Liam. He doesn’t have a reason to stay in Beacon Hills anymore.”

Liam squinted at his alpha, furrowing his eyebrows. “What are you talking about, “doesn’t have a reason to stay”?”

Scott stared at him like he’d just said something insane. “You know he was only staying here because of you, right? After Lori died, he was talking about moving away from here. Then you came along, and he couldn’t bring himself to make you leave with him.”

“You still haven’t told me what that means.”

Mason sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. Their eyes lock, and Liam has to take a second to take in the intensity of his gaze.

“Brett’s moving tomorrow, Liam. That’s why he is getting the rest of his stuff. He’s leaving, and doesn’t plan on coming back.”

—————————————————————-
“Now I’ll never, never get to clean up the mess I’ve made.”
—————————————————————-

“California?”

Liam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Brett, moving so far away? He knew that he wasn’t allowed to have an opinion on this - especially now - but it still hurt. He still hurt.

He hadn’t seen the taller wolf in weeks, and now he was going to be moving hours away.

Brett caught this eyes, the familiar softness that was reserved for Liam still present. Liam wasn’t sure why, considering what Liam had done to him, he was sure he would have been angry. But this was Brett. Brett who always forgave everyone. Brett who seemed to have an endless amount of patience.

“California. Derek knows a pack down there that doesn’t mind keeping an eye on me.” Nervously rubbing the back of his neck, he glanced down at the ground near Liam’s feet. “He recommended it, said he was tired of seeing me mope around. Said a change of scenery might help me ‘get my shit back together.’”

The two met eyes again, and there was so much Liam wanted to say.

Don’t leave because of me.

I’m so sorry.

Please, give me one more chance.

I need you.

He willed the words to come out, but nothing did. They held each other’s gaze a little while longer. Brett seemed nervous, Liam didn’t blame him. Considering the way they left off, Liam seemed to be hyper aware of everything as well.

Liam gave the taller teen a curt nod, “Alright.”

For a moment, something like disappointment shown in Brett’s eyes. He wrung his hand together before noddding his head as well.

“Alright.”