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What to expect (When you're expecting)

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It was busy dawn at the DEO, Supergirl and Alex had been called to help Barry on Earth 1 and neither of them knew what it was about. However, J’onn was a bit hesitant and called the superhero for an honest and serious conversation, something that Kara wasn’t expecting. Her older sister had always been someone great at hiding fears and anguishes, leaving them aside at any given moment and prioritizing more important things or whatever she decided was more important than emotions. Alex’s whole life could be put on a single phrase: putting everything she could before herself and forgetting things she couldn’t deal with throughout.

During the last couple of months, Alex had given up on something and Kara couldn’t put a finger on what it was. The young Danvers had never been good at guessing and although that was her sister and her friend, she was unable to say what was going on in her heart. Alex didn’t talk, didn’t vent, and didn’t let any of her friends get close enough to understand what was happening. Well, Kara knew she and Maggie were going through a rough phase because of a specific topic but her sister refused to talk to her about it, Alex just kept repeating it would be fine. That she was going to be fine.

And J’onn was completely sure something was terribly wrong.

At first, he thought he was being paranoid, perhaps. He observed how his best agent was more tired each day, how her hands trembled as she held heavier guns. Everyone at the DEO knew the redhead was intimidating, always serious, and ready to punch anyone who tried to be funny or nosy. Some were scared, obviously, but deep down they all knew she was just as loving as her younger sister. But that is where things had gotten a little different.

Alex was more annoyed, angrier, lacking patience for any kind of instructions or small talk, killing time in the training room to burn off energy she didn’t have. Her eyes were red, surrounded with a black shadow of tiredness and it was easy to notice her struggles to focus. People who knew her and saw her everyday realized right away something was wrong, however, Alex knew how to dodge questions and concerns, even of those who truly cared about her well-being. She was not in the state of mind to answer questions or hearing advice from people that barely knew her. Alex was done, done with people telling her ‘it is going to be okay’.

Because clearly, it was not going to be okay.

“Alex” Supergirl entered the lab and found her sister sitting down chugging down water from her old huge bottle.

“Hey, ready to go?” Alex asked, rotating the chair to face the hero.

“That is what I… er, came to talk to you about” Kara coughed nervously “I wanted… wanted to ask you a favor.”

“Go ahead” she put the bottle aside and Kara observed how tired her sister looked “did something happen?”

“No… actually, I wanted to talk about his trip” she sat down next to her “Barry called the other heroes to help so we’ll be a big number, which is good and means we’re probably coming back earlier. But I… I wanted to ask you to stay here and take care of Lena for me” Alex’s body tensed and she frowned.

“Kara, I’m not staying behind” she was firm.

“Please, Alex, I need someone to stay and to take care of Lena and you’re the only one I trust to do that” Kara begged “I don’t even know when I’m coming back and I don’t want her to be alone while I’m there.”

“Tell me the truth” Alex got up enraged, feeling a wave of unusual anger take control of her body “you…” she laughed sarcastically “you are a shitty liar.”

Supergirl got up too, keeping the perfect posture needed for when the situations were more complicated. Her face visibly changed from calm to serious. Kara was not going to allow Alex to travel like that, fighting villains that could kill her with that state of mind.

“Alex you are not fine and you have been hiding that from me for weeks” Supergirl spoke “I am worried and so is J’onn, and you acting like you don’t care! I can’t allow you to do that to yourself and put yourself in danger that you might not get out alive.”

“I don’t need your permission, Supegirl” Alex was sarcastic “I am a grown woman that can make its own decisions.”

“And even so you’re behaving like a stubborn child” she raised her voice, “you think it’s fine facing whatever we’re going to face like that? Rao! Alex, what is going on?” Kara tried steeping closer but her sister immediately stepped away, reaching for the bottle on the table with hatred in her eyes.

“If I can’t come along, fine” she grabbed her things and threw them in a bag “but don’t you dare interrogate me, I don’t need advice and I don’t need help to sort out my personal problems.”

“Alex…” Kara immediately regretted that conversation. It seemed as if the world was going to fall down and she wasn’t capable of holding them all at once. It was the right thing to do, she was not going to let her sister get hurt.

“Don’t worry” Alex turned around “Lena will be fine and I’ll be here to help her.”

“I’m sorry about this, I can’t…”

“Safe travel” she interrupted Kara and walked away, leaving the superhero alone with her thoughts.

J’onn, who was hearing everything outside the room, came in and smiled tenderly to Supergirl, in an attempt to console her. Alex could be tough and cold and even distant sometimes, but her heart was big and she was always one to love recklessly and limitlessly, even if that destroyed her. Her fixation with self-sacrifice for those she loved was always there, ever since they were kids. Kara perfectly remembered every time her sister got in dangerous fights because of her, to defend her even knowing the young sister was strong enough to handle things by herself.

“You did the right thing, Kara” he whispered.

“I know, but I’m still worried” she sighed “let’s find Barry and tell him we’re good to go.”

“Right, have a safe trip, and don’t worry too much” J’onn smiled “Lena will be safe.”

“Thank you.”

 

***

 

Lena canceled all her meetings that cold and rainy morning to take her new roommate to the vet and had plenty of time to experience what it was like to take care of someone completely dependable on her. The dog was in pain while walking, had trouble standing up, and only looked comfortable when in one specific position. The Luthor almost bought the entire pet shop, not sure of what she should take home. Dog food, blankets, food pots, leashes, and even hygiene and bath products were chosen blindly. Lena desperately wished Kara was there with her, but three days had gone by and her friend didn’t even answer her texts.

Not that it bothered Lena too much, she knew Kara was on a work trip and it wouldn’t be very responsible to be on the phone, but something inside her kept saying something was very wrong and she had no idea what it could be. So Lena took the Luthor way and decided to ignore her heart and made her way to the vet, next to her, the small caramel puppy stared at her with curious and frightened eyes. Two days had gone by and Lena was not exactly sure how to deal with her. She didn’t know how to take care of the animal or what to do when she cried, but one thing she knew for sure: not being alone in her apartment was something Lena could get used to.

The dog still didn’t have a name and Lena spent hours staring at the computer screen learning about its race, the problems it could have during pregnancies, how to shower it and what it should or shouldn’t eat. Maybe she was overthinking it, but how could judge her? Lena didn’t want to fail her new partner and let her suffer from diseases or problems that could come up.

The driver parked in front of a building with baby blue walls where a huge board indicated every service available for clients, Jess was the one who chose the place. The last thing the secretary expected was to get a call from her boss Saturday morning asking her to find the best veterinary offices in the city and schedule a consultation, but it happened. However, Jess was thrilled to find out that the CEO had company now and knew that a dog would do her good, especially during pregnancy.

“Looks like we have two puppies in the way,” the doctor said smiling, while running the small machine on the dog’s newly shaved belly “and they look very healthy, she will probably go into labor in a few weeks.”

“Right” Lena sighed, relieved, petting the furry eyes trying to calm the dog down. When in fact, she was the one who needed calming down “and what should I do when that happens? She feels pain when she walks and can’t stand in the same position for too long.”

“I’m going to request an X-Ray to confirm my suspicions but I am almost sure she might have a broken bone” the doctor put the machine down and let Lena put the pet on her lap, “you told me she was rescued from the streets, right?”

“Yes, I adopted her from a dog shelter.”

“Okay, I’m going to give you some pills and ask for a leg and pelvis X-Ray, for now, she needs a lot of rest and love” she smiled and caressed the soft fur “what is her name?”

“I haven’t…” Lena sighed. It was past the time to choose a name for her companion and she already had one in mind “Agnes” she answered, smiling.

‘Luthors don’t have friends, they have minions’

“Alright, little Agnes, we’re going to keep an eye on you,” Lena noticed the way she shook her tail and was glad to see the dog more agitated “I’m also going to suggest you some dog food brands and your baby will be better in no time. About the labor, you can let be natural, there is no issue regarding that or, if you prefer, you can bring her in for a c-section.”

“Great” Lena smiled and took all the papers and recipes the doctor handled. After leaving the office, she bought a special leash. Red with a bone-shaped pin with her address, phone, and her new friend’s name.

Agnes.

By the sidewalk, Lena reached for her phone and took a quick photo of her with the caramel fur ball, who was so excited that licked the Luthor’s face. Lena was not expecting that and was moved by the affection, caressing the dog she carried her all the way to the car, feeling a funny warmth in her chest. The dog laid her head on Lena’s lap all the way back home, exhaling hot air directly to her prominent belly and quickly falling asleep. Lena felt as if she was starting a small family and the thought took her breath away. That was her family, at least for now.

L: I hope everything is okay.

L: Say hi to Agnes and Seedy!

L: ‘Lena sent a photo’

Before Lena could lock the screen and go back to looking out the window, the phone vibrated and a smile was formed intuitively.

K: Hi Agnes!

K: I miss you guys…

K: I’ll be back soon <3

The world stopped for a few moments. Kara had finally said something.

L: We miss you too <3

 

***

 

“What do you want?” Lena questioned Agnes for the third time, she stayed in the same position, sat down in front of the woman “are you hungry?” the dog whimpered softly and placed a paw on her knee “do you want to get on the sofa?” once again the whimper was heard “alright, come on up.”

The CEO tried to stay away from the company that afternoon, canceling her schedule and choosing to keep a close eye on her new partner, giving her the medicine at the exact required time and observing everything in detail, scared the pet would hurt. Lucky for Lena, the pills were working fast and Agnes was feeling less and less pain, which made her relieved. The doctor showed Lena the X-Ray results and came to the conclusion a small bone on her pelvis was fractured, nothing too serious, but it was the cause of all that suffering. According to the vet, that was common during pregnancy because there was a lower level of calcium on the mother’s body, once all nutrients ended up going to the puppies. And in that scenario, Agnes was holding two puppies.

The small dog was beginning to get used to the apartment, but Agnes, much like Kara, seemed to have that longing, begging look when she wanted something. The first night they were together, the puppy wept until Lena carried her over to the mattress and soon enough felt a furry body lay next to her, little head on her belly. An action that was becoming quite common. Every time that Lena was home, Agnes insisted on being as close as possible and always - always - touched her icy nose on her belly, giving the woman a unique sense of protection.

“I have to work, Agnes” Lena complained to the pet, who stared at her with those big brown loving eyes “don’t look at me like that, I already gave you food and took you out for a walk” the dog suspired and licked her exposed belly. Lena put the notebook aside and caressed Agnes’ ears “yes, I have a baby too” she lifted the shirt higher, one that gave to her a week before, letting the dog lick her skin again “see? I’m going to be a mommy just like you, well… not exactly like you” Lena sighed “I’m just keeping the baby safe until I give it to someone else, someone who will know how to take care of it” she explained, now caressing her belly and trying not to overthink her words. That one part of her body was always warm. “ did you take it well when you found out you were pregnant?” Agnes just kept staring at her and Lena smiled back to the pet “Seedy, this is our new friend” she looked down and placed both her hands on her stomach, where Agnes licked again “see? She likes you, just as I like you” Lena confessed, “like you more than I should…”

Before she could keep going with the monologue, her phone rang interrupting the moment. Agnes raised an ear, paying attention to the strange noise. Lena took the device and frowned, hesitating to answer it. It was an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Lena?” a cheerful voice answered back “this is Julie, from the pregnancy lessons!” the CEO arched an eyebrow and looked at Agnes, waiting for an explanation on the situation. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything, I got your number from teacher Zara.”

“Oh, no… you’re not interrupting anything” she laughed dryly “do you need anything?”

“Your wife told me she would be away this week and well, I wanted to know if I could pick you today” her body immediately tensed. Wife? What wife? “Lena?”

Oh, she meant her best friend! Shit. How could she deny it?

“I don’t… don’t know” Lena sighed, cornered “I’m not ready and I don’t want to be a bother.

“Don’t worry about it!” there were children noises in the background “just text me your address and we’ll be there in thirty minutes, I just need to feed Ezra and take my husband off the couch.”
“Oh… okay” she answered, uncertain. What was happening to her life?

“Put on comfortable clothes, Miss Power” Julie teased “see you later.”

“See you…”

As she hung up, Agnes was still on her lap with that calming face and Lena took a deep breath. Since when did she have friends like that? No, Julie and Ramona were not her friends. Were they? And what did Kara have to do with that? When did her best friend talk to Julie during the lesson? Okay. Everything was very, very confusing and Lena didn’t want to find an answer to all those questions now. She had half an hour to get changed, finish the email she began to write, and leave things arranged to make sure Agnes would be fine without her. Damn it, why did she always have to put herself in uncomfortable situations. Why couldn’t she ever say no?

Leaving her thoughts and fears aside, the Luthor ran to the bathroom and put on the first thing she found, happy to be able to wear leggings that didn’t hurt. She put on her sneakers and a green t-shirt and put her hair up on a perfect ponytail. As she looked in the mirror, Lena noticed how the bulge on her belly was starting to show through all her clothes. Now, this mess was becoming more and more real, more palpable and Lena still didn’t know how to feel about it. Not exactly.

Because deep down in her heart, she enjoyed looking at the mirror and seeing Seedy there, seeing she was no longer alone. She loved getting curious stares from loving women and strange couples, who focused on her belly and smiled timidly like Lena had won the greatest gift in the world. And Lena knew that she was sure of it. Seedy was most definitely her greatest gift, even if she couldn’t accept it.

 

***

 

“Well everyone, that is it for today, I hope you all enjoyed it” Zara finished another class and all the couples got up “don’t forget we have snacks by the garden, I’ve prepared special treats for our mommies!” She spoke lively.

“Oh, goddamn it” Ramona complained, massaging her thighs “dear, take my bag, please” she pointed to the bag and he promptly carried it.

“Are you in pain?” Lena asked, concerned, while Julie took a sleepy Ezra out of the stroller.

“Not exactly” she sighed “it’s the kicking”

“They’re… they’re moving?” Lena frowned “Christ, that must be… bizarre.”
“I’m not going to lie, at first it felt like there was a giant worm inside of me trying to get out” Ramona confessed and Julia laughed out loud at the description “but now I count the time for the next kick,” she noticed the curiosity on the Luthor’s face “c’mon, give me your hand.”

“No thanks.” she backed out.

“Stop being afraid” Julie stood next to her and Lena studied the boy’s wrinkled face over his mom’s shoulder. Ezra had just completed one year of life. “you’ll miss it when it’s over.”

“Feel it right here” Ramona took Lena’s wrist and placed her hand on the lower part of her womb “it’s starting to get crowded in there, but…” suddenly, Lena’s eyes widened and she stared at the colleague “did you feel it? And…again!?

“Oh, God…” Lena got closer and slowly traced the skin she was touching. She was fascinated and entirely charmed by the feeling “this is... fuck!” she blinked continuously, feeling the urge to cry “fucking hell…”

“Don’t worry, no one here is going to judge you” Julie laughed and stroked and shoulder

“Except miss perfect over there” Ramona whispered while they walked toward the garden “I heard she’s one of yours” she poked Lena.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lena frowned and served herself with some sweets.

“Lesbian, she means she’s a lesbian” Julie answered letting Lena lost in her thoughts. So Emily was gay? That was interesting and explained a lot “hold him for me, real quick” Julie held the boy to the CEO who got away quickly and terrified.

“No, no, no” Lena was more than nervous “no, I’ve never held a baby in my life, no.”

“C’mon, it’s quick and you’re going to have to hold one for the rest of your life” Julie shot back and passed Ezra to her.

Lena froze and her whole body tensed with despair. She held the little boy and if he was a heavy strange box, keeping him distant from herself, fat cute little legs in the air. Her eyes still stared at the pink cheeks, seeing him stared back at her, confused. Suddenly, Ezra put his little hands up and held her cheeks, smiling cheerfully, and showing his growing teeth. He petted her face, tracing her nose, and then those big brown eyes met her green ones.

And her heart melted instantly.

Awkwardly, Lena placed the boy's legs as if he was straddling her hips and stopped to admire every little detail on that baby. She had never interacted with a child before, much less a baby, and all those experiences she had been having were breaking her emotional walls down, they were shattering little by little inside her chest and causing a huge mess. Soon Lena began to wonder what Seedy would look like if she would have blond perfect hair like Supergirl or darker shades like hers if she would make her smile or the hero’s blue eyes, or even if she would ever ask Lens to kiss a bruise better. It felt like a dream, a beautiful, extraordinary dream.

“Did you like that?” Lena asked, seeing Ezra play with her simple necklace.

“Yeh yeh,” he asked.

“I’m sorry, love” she smiled tenderly “I’m afraid it’s dangerous for you.”

“Boo-boo?”

“That’s right” she kissed his fat cheeks “boo-boo.”

“See? It’s not that scary” Ramona commented, watching the scene with a smile “he might not be one of your robots but at least he’s cute, right? Isn’t that right? Hm?” she tickled the baby’s belly, making him laugh.

“You look pretty with one of those with you” Julia complimented, studying the scene with a smile “but I think you’re more of a girl’s mom kind of person.”

“He is so soft and smells so good” Lena whispered, still charmed by the boy “what do you mean girl’s mom?”

“I don’t know” Julie shrugged “changing the subject, you’re almost on the fourth month, soon you’ll know the sex!

“Yeah, I have a consultation next week” she explained, still holding the boy, who was still sleepy from his nap “I had to postpone it because Kara doesn’t like to miss ultrasounds” Lena smiled as she said her friend’s name.

God, she missed her so much it made her heartache. She couldn’t wait to see her again and feel the heat of her arms around her.

“Look how in love she is” Ramona teased and laughed as she saw the red blush cripple in the CEO’s face “if it’s a girl, do you already have a name?”

“Please, no double names” Julie gave her opinion “can you imagine the pain of teaching them to write their names?”

“But have you searched for names, yet? I’m sure you and your wife have at least discussed it” Ramona sighed “I and my husband have decided he gets to pick one and I pick the other one, so that way it’s fair.”

“I do, actually” she confessed for the first time. Lena never thought that moment would come when she would admit that yes, she had been thinking about names, about room decorations for babies, and even about changing her office to another room so Seedy’s room could be closer to hers.

Damn it, Lena complained internally, why did she have to be so weak? Why did she have to give in to that warm, comfortable feeling in her chest?

“And what is it?” they both asked, curious.

“Well,” Lena laughed uncomfortably “some years ago I looked my birth mother up but didn’t find much. I just know that her name was Elizabeth and so, if it is a girl, I’m going to name her Lizzie” she sighed, trying to hold back tears “in… in her memory.”

“That is wonderful, Lena” Julie stroked her shoulder again and smiled tenderly, understanding it was a painful subject for her. In reality, no one knew she was adopted except her family, and Kara, of course.

Who, while this endless mess kept going, was her wife apparently.

“I heard everyone in your family has a name that starts with an L” Ramona commented, “are you going to follow this tradition?”

“I still… what is he doing?” Lena asked, watching Ezra his position in her lap, laying down and touching his small face to her breasts.

“Ezra is hungry” Julie took him off her lap and gave him the breast “he smelt your milk” okay, that was new and bizarre.

She had milk?

“I think you need a change of clothes” Ramona pointed to Lena’s shirt, now stained around her nipples. Lena felt her face burn with shame and fear. That had never happened before. She tried to cover it with her hands and frowned, those wet balls over her breasts were completely visible for everyone “hey, don’t be like that. It’s completely normal and it will only become more frequent.”

“What do you say we go shopping, huh?” Julie asked, excited, making little Ezra grumble “I need new clothes and accessories for the new room, besides I’m expecting my first girl and I do want to be those doting moms.”

“I’m in, I’m running low on my diaper storage” both women turned to Lena, who had her arms crossed in front of the shirt feeling terribly uncomfortable “and you, have you started preparing for the arrival of...what was the name again?”

“Seedy” Julie answered for her “which is an… uncommon nickname.”

“Kara chose it” Lena murmured, “and I haven’t… er, bought...anything.”
“Oh, Christ, Lena!” Julie took Ezra off her breast and placed him over her shoulder, waiting for him to hiccup and go back to his nap “we have an emergency then!”

“No, I…”

“Don’t worry, Lena” Ramona intertwined their arms “we got you.”

Unable to deny or at least escape that situation, the CEO found herself being carried by the two women towards one of the biggest stores for babies and pregnancies. After all, how could she explain she wasn’t keeping the child? And that she wasn’t married to her best friend? And she had no clue what she was doing? Well, at the moment there weren't any solutions, therefore she had no choice. Julie left Ezra with his father and Ramona told her husband she would be home by dinner. Something Lena was extremely jealous of, seeing she had no one to tell or go back home to.

Suddenly, Lena smiled. Yes, there was someone for her to go back home to. Someone with four legs, furry ears, caramel fur, and contagious joy. She might not be a person, but she was family. Her little family; and for now that was enough.

She called the driver, listening to her two new ‘friends’ gossip excitedly, praising Lena for the achievements they read about in a CatCo article. Of course, they complimented Kara too, responsible for all those well-written and structured articles. They both agreed they made the perfect couple and certainly Kara loved her wife a lot, for always writing the best and greatest words about the CEO and L-Corp. And what could Lena say? It was true. Kara really earned the reporter title and was always glad to know she had helped Lena, even if indirectly, catalyzing her decision to stay and fight for her career. However, Kara wasn’t her wife, much less her girlfriend.

On the way to the store, while the two women talked, Lena stared out the window and caressed her belly with a shy smile. She didn’t intend to buy anything and didn’t want to create an illusion of building a room for a child that wasn’t going to be hers. Still, Lena couldn’t wait to feel the first kicks or to find out the baby’s gender. Would it be a girl? Could she be named Lizzie or would it be little Liam? God, her heart raced when she thought those moments would happen soon. And it made her blue because she wasn’t going to a mom. Luthors didn’t have that capacity and therefore that sacrifice was necessary.

Her phone vibrated, pulling Lena out of the thought whirlwind.

A: Hey, are you busy tomorrow morning?

L: Good afternoon, Alex.

L: At what time?

A: Oh yeah, I forgot you own a multimillionaire empire and I have to schedule an hour earlier.
L: Well, my name is in that building so it’s hard to miss.

L: I thought you could read.

A: I just prefer to read interesting things that give some kind of useful knowledge.

A: Nothing personal.

L: What do you wish from me, agent Danvers? You know I’m not used to being the other woman.

A: Oh, that’s a shame.

A: Because I have a very platonic crush for powerful women with dark hair and green eyes.

L: Sorry, you won't be reciprocated this time.

L: You’re not my type.

A: Badass and pretty redheads?

L: No.

L: Nosy redheads with a terrible sense of humor.

A: You almost offended me.

A: I know what your type is.

L: Oh, now I’m curious, agent Danvers.

A: Blond women with blue eyes that wear glasses and work as a reporter for CatCo.

Okay. Lena did not see that coming and didn’t know what to answer. She could almost hear Alex’s laughter from across the city.

A: I know you have a thing for the Danvers, Luthor.

A: Meet me at 7 am at Noonan’s.

 

***

 

That megastore looked like the perfect place for Lena to go bankrupt in a matter of seconds and what comforted her was the knowledge she could buy three - or more - places like that. Ramona and Julie had a clear goal, unlike the CEO, who although was always very focused and calculated every step, now seemed lost. The hallways went through clothing and mobilia items, distributed in two huge floors. Everything was so colorful, bright, and completely inviting. It was like a mother’s paradise, she thought.

And what the hell was she doing there if she wasn’t even going to a mom?

Ramona found a shopping cart for them to share and Julie held the Luthor’s arm, smiling childishly and showing her a piece of paper. Lena arched a brow and was apprehensive, she knew that was probably something she wouldn’t like.

“I took the liberty of making a small list for you in the car” she spoke excitedly “since I already had a baby, I’m more used to this.”

“Julie is going to show you how not to get lost in this place, it’s important” Ramona winked and Lena nodded quietly, still feeling lost and trying to process all that information.

“Rule number one: don’t buy too many clothes and shoes, newborns don’t need a lot” she explained “they also grow really fast so it's better to buy little by little. Rule number two: you're going to need so many, so many diapers, and wet wipes and cream for burns. This is what you have to focus on” the trio walked through the diaper aisle and stopped before a mountain of packages.

“There are three good diaper brands,” Ramona said and took the packages in her hand “I particularly like this one” she showed the green and white package “I’ve heard good things about this one, but this one is also a strong contestant” she raised the red package.

“I think…I’ll take the first one?” Lena spoke uncertainly. her heart was racing a marathon and her hands were covered in a cold sweat. What had her life become?

“Good choice, girl!” Julie celebrated and put another ten packages on the cart, separating the CEO’s place on it “creams for burns are all pretty much the same, you can always go for the cheapest and for wet wipes I suggest you buy the odorless and specifically for newborns.”

“Also the baby might develop an allergy so you should take some for testing” Ramona finished the sentence. The cart only got fuller and fuller as they walked the store.

“And if my baby has an allergy? What should I do?” Lena asked curiously, picking some soaps, shampoos, and a body lotion. She didn’t even know what it was for but she was not going to complain. Everything there smelled so good.

“You’ll have to clean him with a tissue diaper or you can choose cotton” Julie answered and put five packaged of cotton in the cart.
“Now, to the kitchen aisle” Ramone guided them to the left side “do you intend to breastfeed Seedy?”

“Of course!” Lena answered faster than she should have and frowned. What the hell,
Lena? She thought to herself, you’re not even keeping this baby!

“Don’t give up on the first time, okay?” Julie studied a few baby bottles and pacifiers “In doubt, always have one of these at home. I’ll be true, breastfeeding on the first days might bother you and it might hurt as well, but don’t give up.”

“Do you have any favorite colors? Not that it matters, I think this blue is boy and girl is pink is bullshit, they don’t even know the colors” Ramona grumbled, “what is your wife’s favorite color?”

Wife. She took a deep breath. Kara was still her wife.

Fuck.

“Blue and red” Lena sighed “actually, any color looks perfect on her,” she confessed, making the others laugh.

“Well, we have red and white” she pointed to the shelf. Lena analyzed each one at a time and picked a baby blue with small white balls, all the pacifiers she chose were also blue.

Blue like Kara’s eyes, she thought.

“Clothing section” Julie pointed to the next hallway and on the way there the three of them grabbed more things, even if unnecessary. At least they were cute

The clothing section was insane, definitely insane. Now Lena understood what Julie meant with ‘don’t get too many clothes’ because she wanted to take the whole hallway home and never get rid of anything. On that thought, Lena wondered if mothers had that habit of keeping their children’s clothes even if they were all grown up. Well, if they didn’t, it didn’t matter. She could never throw those cute flowery dresses or blue rompers with a sailor’s drawing away. And just like that, they had to get another shopping cart, so the three of them could carry home almost a whole brand new wardrobe.

Even with her brain telling her to not get too excited, not to put too much effort, Lena’s heart felt warm in her chest, approving that unique moment of her life. When else would she have the courage to buy all those things? When would she imagine she would have two unexpected friends to guide her through this moment and help her process of acceptance? Fine, they didn’t know about the real condition that the child was imposed on, but now it didn’t seem to matter so much. Lena was plain conscious of what was happening there, though she didn’t know what she was doing. Although she wouldn’t say it out loud, although she was scared to think about her feelings, she loved that baby.

Lena loved that baby unconditionally.

The three of them drifted apart through lines of hangers, each one looking for what pleased them the most. Lena didn’t know her baby’s gender but that wasn’t important. One by one, she selected a color palette that matched each other, all in soft, tasteful tones that reminded her of herself and of Kara. As she walked back to the shopping cart, Lena felt a bump on her legs and heard a thud. She looked down and found a little girl with blond hair put back in two braids.

“Hello” Lena quickly got down and helped her get up, getting down on one knee to check for bruises “are you okay? are you hurt?”

“No” the girl smiled, fixing the yellow dress she was wearing “oh…you have a baby inside you?” Lena laughed with the girl's bluntness.

“Yes, I do” she answered tenderly “what is your name?”

“Anna” her brown curious eyes still stared at the Luthors stomach “and I am five” she put one hand up “that’s all the fingers here!”

“That’s right, Anna” Lena congratulated “you’re a smart girl.”

“My mom also has a baby inside her belly, you know” she commented “can I touch it?” she pointed to Lena.

“Yeah, put your hands here” Lena held the girl’s hands between hers and placed them on her belly “it’s still little so you can’t feel it yet.”

“It’s warm” Anna giggled “did you swallow it? How did it end up there? Isn’t it the stork that brings babies?” she shot Lena with questions that the poor woman didn’t know how to answer.

How do you explain these things to kids? She thought. Actually, she didn’t want to know. If she ever had to explain to Seedy how she was made, Lena would rather make a completely different story up. Because, biologically, two women can’t impregnate each other - unfortunately - and she could never make sense of what Rhea had done that started this whole mess.

“Anna! Where are you, dear?” Lena heard a voice call from across the hallway.

“Oops! That’s my mom” Anna frowned “bye, miss!” she gave her a noisy peck on the cheek and ran off, leaving Lena alone, knelt on the ground, and with a warm feeling on her face. She had never gained affection so… easily.

“How do you do that?” Ramona asked, approaching her with Julie.

“Do what?” Lena asked back, getting up.

“Make kids fall in love with you” Julie explained “you’re going to be a wonderful mother, Lena. I’m sure of it.”

And once again, the CEO felt the urge to cry, because she had never thought someone would tell her those words with so much certainty.

She was going to be a wonderful mother.

 

***

 

Noonan’s was a well-known cafeteria for Lena, after all, Kara loved their waffles. So, she usually would run there, buy an honorable breakfast like the young Danvers deserved and send someone to deliver at her home since her best friend usually woke up a few hours after Lena would arrive at L-Corp. And Kara didn’t get up that late, Lena was the one that woke up too early, preferring to arrive at the company before everyone, so she could organize her paperwork and revisit that week’s schedule before her day began.

As she walked in the place, Lena soon saw a tall redhead on the other side, sitting on a table by the window. Her body would always get chills and trepidation for being there accompanied by the older Danvers. Not that she was afraid, no. What she felt was different. Alex was intimidating, yes, but not enough to make the Luthor scared and she was too sarcastic, however, Lena could also act like that. At the end of the day, they came to the realization, little by little, that they were very similar, more than it pleased them. But, to what point could they trust each other. Could Lena consider them friends?

God, she had so many questions, so many doubts, and still, she agreed to come and have breakfast with the agent.

Lena sat in front of her, putting her purse beside her, and noticed how Alex was a mess, exhausted. Her eyes had a weird red color and circling it, dark and deep tones were visible. Her hair was messy and her shirt was rumpled. Lena had never seen someone look so down as if a hurricane had gone through them. Apparently, someone had bigger issues than her.

“I thought you weren’t coming anymore” Alex grumbled.

“I’m a woman of my words, Danvers” Lena answered fast, studying the huge water bottle the other woman was carrying “so, what do I own this unexpected invitation?”

“I just wanted to check on you” she shrugged because that was the truth.

“Oh, so you do have a heart!” Lena teased and they both laughed “I’m fine, in fact, you’re the one who looks like you had some rough days.”

“You can say that” she drank from the bottle continuously “Kara asked me to tell you she’ll be back by the weekend and is excited to know Seedy’s gender.”

“Of course” Lena rolled her eyes “I’m going to lose my best friend for a baby.”

“Jealous much?”

“Luthors don’t feel jealousy.”

“Kara is seeing this new guy from CatCo,” Alex said and Lena choked on the coffee she was having.

“Wh-what?” she blinked five times, trying to process the information. To then realize, it was a lie and Alex was laughing out loud “you’re a monster.”

“Just trying to prove a fact, Luthor” Alex winked, teasingly “I’m a scientist, just like you.”

“And to what thesis did your hypothesis come to, agent Danvers?” Lena smirked and crossed her arms.

“That Luthors do feel jealousy.” Lena rolled her eyes and saw Alex drink another big gulp of water. Something was odd about the smell coming from that bottle, it was stronger and more intense.

“Okay,” Lena smiled, “my turn to prove a point.”

“Go on.”

“Your eyes are red and you’re more tired” she pointed to Alex’s face, who tensed her jaw “your hands shake when you raise this bottle and I bet my job at L-Corp that this is not water.”

Alex didn’t know what to answer. Her breath was out of pace and she was ready to give a rude answer as she did to many of her worried friends.

“You can tell me whatever excuse or ironic answer you want to, you don’t scare me” Lena continued “I’m only leaving here when you tell me what is going on.”

“Maggie and I broke up.”