Chapter 1: Tears and fears
The weeks after the Daxamite invasion went by like a blur. Lena didn’t see the hours passing by and didn’t even notice she was spending all her days inside L-Corp, not that anyone was surprised, especially herself. National City was safe, the Earth was protected and for days all that the press could write about was the Luthor who prevented mass enslavement.
Lena was supposed to feel good, even relieved, but the sensation that she had become the same as Lex or Lilian was still in her thoughts. What made her different from them? Yes, she had stopped the plans of an insane alien but how many Daxamites died in the process? Besides, isn't that basically her family’s slogan? It was becoming exhausting to dwell on this guilt and her health showed how concerning that was.
Kara. What would she say to her best friend? What excuse or argument solid enough could Lena have to explain that Mike had to leave? Obviously, Supergirl, most likely, had already talked to the reporter and it was probably best this way, the city’s hero had more grip and emotional wisdom to tell the whole city. Not that it made the pain in her chest any better, that now and then made her cry in the bathroom late at night, sure that she had destroyed her best friend’s happiness, and consequently, her only friend.
How would things be from now on?
The blonde wouldn’t answer her calls or texts, and when she did, the excuses were as strange as they could be. Kara was avoiding her, it was crystal clear. Once again she had failed something she loved; Once again she is alone. The situation itself wasn’t the issue, to be honest, being raised as a Luthor gives you a PhD in loneliness. Who was she trying to fool, it was expected that someday she would let Kara down with some attitude or decision that she was bound to make.
Her nights turned day at the same speed she finished a bottle of wine. Her meals were cereal bars and the salad bowl Jess always made sure to buy during lunchtime. If it wasn’t for her secretary, Lena would probably be much worse. Truth is that the Luthor was already suffering, feeling intense headache, nausea, and loss of appetite, along with some smells that became much more intolerable.
On the day before, the CEO led a group of investors that came to meet the new mechanics’ lab, it was supposed to be something pleasant, after all, that was one of her favorite sectors, where many projects were being made and also where interns, just as young as herself, were building a better future. As she arrived at the place, a strong, sweet, and disgusting smell hit her nostrils and the nausea was instantaneous. Without any time to think, her only way out was to run to the bathroom and vomit all the poor lunch she had had.
The low blood pressure bothered her, the headaches were unstable, coming and going, making her nervous and impatient. She wasn’t able to eat what she wanted and was even less able to predict what was causing this sickness. Lena was never someone that kept the medical consults up to date. Now and then, Jess reminded her of an appointment with the ophthalmologist because she had always complained about pain in her eyes or with the dermatologist that did an excellent job with her issue with acne in her teenage years and always asked her to pass by and check-up. No. A CEO should put her responsibilities first, even if that meant putting the company’s priorities in front of her own. It was what Lionel had taught her and what Lilian kept repeating.
Another morning came and once more her breakfast, composed with a cup of coffee, some french toasts, were all thrown up, down the bathroom sink. She couldn’t say if it was stress, her carelessness with herself or if her frustrations and anguish were the ones making her sick. It pained her to look at the cellphone screen and see that Kara, once again, had not responded. What would her best friend think about her anyway? Obviously, nothing good. The Luthor blamed herself for being so naive, for letting herself cling to such a trivial feeling and trusting Rhea so soon. What was she thinking? That every one that got into her life was like Kara? Pure, innocent and were trying to make the world a better place? Now, because of her, her best friend hated her, the world couldn’t decide to make Lena Luthor a hero or just another insane psychopath like Lex and many families that shouldn’t have to suffer due to her stupidity, ended up dying.
Lena didn’t know how many daxamites were bad or not, which ones were there because they wanted to be there, or were forced, it was impossible to know. During a few times, the blonde decided to open up, (usually, because Mike had been a complete asshole, in her opinion) she had learned more about Daxam, about their politics and beliefs. To be honest, she hated that someone so kind and good like Kara was with someone so hollow and petty like Mon-El. But it wasn’t any of her business, she couldn’t interfere or give any advice, because then she wouldn’t be impartial or truthful. And the truth was she had feelings for her best friend, feeling she swore to never tell.
With only memory flashes of her kidnapping ordered by the daxamite queen, her stomach rolled and once again an impulse to vomit crawled to her body, but now all that it was coming out was her bile along with gastric juice. Alcoholic drinks weren’t making her sick, yet, something she was very grateful for, and the only cereal bar flavor she was able to swallow was oat and strawberry. She didn’t try and taste other foods, there was no time for testing and at some point, this sickness would end and everything would go back to normal. The fear, distress, and the feeling of treason would go away, and if they wouldn’t, Lena would move on doing what knew best: ignore it.
Just like she was ignoring the fact that her best friend stopped showing up.
During her childhood, people rarely made sure to stay, offer comfort, and give affection. Her relationships were shallow, whether they were with family or lovers. In school, her friendships were composed of essay groups and the chess team, nothing more than that. She didn't have her yearbook signed by anyone but the biology teacher; she also didn’t go to any “goodbye High School” party. She still remembers very well how Lilian woke her up on the day of her graduation and told her she was leaving for a trip and wasn’t sure when she was coming back. Lionel was already in another country and Lex had left months before for college.
It hurt her, at the time, having to go through all these phases by herself, congratulating herself and telling herself she had done her best, even though believing that, maybe if she tried harder, perhaps Lilian would pay attention. But losing Kara? That was a constant fear. Lena didn’t know anything about friendships or the rules that surround this kind of relationship, she always deprived herself of some kind of intimacies and invasion of her personal space. Privacy and intimacy were intertwined and she was going to keep them like that. However, the reporter was able to break this emotional barrier that the CEO had so greatly built, not in a rude or brute way, but with warm smiles and her incredibly beautiful, almost utopic way of seeing the world. Losing her was always something that haunts her, she just didn’t expect it was going to be this soon.
But no one stayed. No one ever stays.
“Miss Luthor.” Jess went into the office with the same posture as usual “I’ve brought the scheme for the next meeting and wanted to let you know that your schedule for next month has already been organized.” Lena smiled in approval and took the brown folder off her hands.
“Thank you,” she answered politely, “cancel the two-thirty teleconference for me, I have to go to a pharmacy and wait for this migraine to vanish.”
“You haven’t been very well lately, Miss Luthor,” the other woman carefully said. “You're paler than usual. Is there something wrong?”
Wrong? She thought to herself in silence. What more could be wrong in her life? The fact that she was almost forced to marry her best friend’s boyfriend, the fact that an insane and psychotic alien might have her DNA or the fact that Kara doesn’t want to ever see her again? She laughed to herself with all the inquiries. Nothing was wrong, in fact, it was all very right. When did her life have the plot of a romantic comedy and all the troubles were solved in an instant, like magic? Never. Chaos was her reality, losses, and fear. Now that was the plot of her days
“It’s probably nothing, just stress,” she tried to smile, knowing she wasn’t convincing a single soul with that but fuck it. She didn’t need an interrogation about her health. “Soon it will pass, I just need a break for the afternoon.”
“As you wish, Miss Luthor,” she didn’t insist, “call me if you need anything else.”
After hearing the door clicking, she sighed, nervous and tired. That was something wrong with her body and the certainty of that came from the fact that she lived in it for twenty five years. She could be careless with her medical consults but she didn’t need an expert to tell her that her headaches, nausea, and loss of appetite were, perhaps, a more concerning situation than she thought. Lena got up, served herself another glass of whiskey, and walked toward the bathroom to stare at herself from the mirror. Terrible, that was the exact word to describe her appearance. She didn’t think of herself as a splendid woman in terms of beauty, but she did like to consider herself an attractive woman, pretty with some exquisite features.
She took a deep breath and drank the liquid from the glass all at once, feeling her throat burn and stared at herself one more time. The eyebags, exhaustion, and paleness were more and more visible. Hell. If she didn’t take care of herself everyone would notice that the CEO was ill and that was by far something she wanted. Being a woman already made her a target of comments about her mental and emotional capacity and stability, being sick would only generate more of those unbearable comments. She knelt down looking for any medication but all she found was toilet paper and a little box with an extra toothbrush, floss, and tampons.
She sighed. It was really necessary to leave the company and go home, it was the least she had to do. Sacrifice a whole afternoon of work because she couldn’t even keep herself physically well. Great, that was all she needed. She got up with some difficulty and dizziness suddenly took her weakened body. Many black spots appeared on her sight and Lena held down harshly on the sink marble. Damn it, she wasn’t feeling any good. After closing the small door, and out of context thought came to mind: tampons.
How long had it been since the last time she got her period? Before the Luthor used to take the pills, check the dates, and take care of her intimate health, but now she could barely remember when was the last time she had to use a tampon. Has she got her period in the last six weeks? What about last month and the month before that? God, she didn’t remember. A sudden panic invaded her heart and breathing became very hard. Calm, she had to stay calm. She couldn’t… could she? No. Definitely not. She didn’t even have any sexual relationships with men in the last five months. It wasn’t possible.
Quickly, she ran back to the desk and grabbed her purse, putting whatever she could and taking some documents to analyze later. She let the secretary know she had to leave for an emergency and asked her to reschedule all her appointments. Called the driver, that was on stand by in the underground parking lot. She had to answer the doubt, to urgently prove herself that she was wrong and none of that was true. Lena wished to be mistaken, this time she didn’t mind. Trying not to cry through the way, the Luthor proceeded to the closest pharmacy and bought all the pregnancy tests possible.
Rhea couldn’t have done that.
Positive. Eleven positive tests.
Staring at the wall had become natural now. Her body ached for being in the same position, her back and ass. She didn’t know how long she had been locked in her bathroom, sitting on the floor with another stick in her hands. Positive. The eleventh one was supposed to be her last hope, the one that would disprove all the other and would calm down all the nerves and hormones. At what time had she started crying? She no longer remembered. The anger, anguish, and despair came in that exact order. But nothing came out of her mouth, not even a simple scream or a painful whine. Her nightmares seemed far from an end, she felt stupid for thinking one day they would go away.
She remembered how it felt to wake up in a place unknown to her, where she didn’t know if she would make out alive or married to a misogynistic, sexist, in favor of slavery, alien. She would do anything to protect who she loved, would take the same decisions over and over as many times as she had to, but who would she protect? Who would act for her soul, of her fears and feelings? Why was it so useless and childish to wish for someone that cared enough to tell her there wasn’t a need for being so selfless. There was never someone that asked her to not sacrifice herself. Not that it would change anything or make her give up, but a needy and selfish part of her yearned to listen to something like “don’t do that, I need you.”
Ironically she laughed at herself
“Don’t be naive,” she murmured to the empty walls, “no one ever stays.”
Getting pregnant was the last thing she wanted in her life, at least not independently. Being a mother wasn’t in her plans, after all, what did she know about being one? Lilian was a terrible example and her biological mother was dead, she didn’t even remember what she was like. Or what her name was. So what was the objective of having a baby? Why did life enjoy toying with her like that? Pregnant, oh God! And what would this child expect from her? Besides, if she were to ratiocinate like a normal person, she knew who the father was. Shit…
She couldn’t be pregnant with the biggest asshole of that planet. A guy that wasn’t even among them. Kara… what would she say to her friend if at some point she answered her calls? What about her feelings? Once again, acid and warm tears running down her face, making her stomach roll with disgust and bitterness. She never wished so bad for a day to end and that in the morning after this was all a big and confusing nightmare.
However, that wasn’t what happened.
“Won’t you answer it?” Alex asked her sister who stared at the screen. A name constantly flashed on it, Lena Luthor. Kara stared at her, sad eyes surrounded by a dark shadow, showing how hard this had also been for her, and shook her head, denying. “She has been calling at least thrice a day, Kara. For weeks.”
“And you think I don’t know that?” Her hoarse and tired voice echoed through the room. “But you expect me to answer and say what? Lena probably hates me by now, she must be so angry…” She sighed, beyond exhausted.
“Is this still about Mon-El?” She carefully asked. The redhead had been studying her sister’s behavior for the past six weeks, since the boy was kicked out of the planet, literally “You think Lena is guilty?”
“No, Alex, of course not,” she sighed. She’d never put that weight on her best friend’s back. “It’s just that sometimes I… I just keep thinking if I did the right thing, I’d feel worse than I do now if Mon-El… anyway. I just want things to be okay.”
“Did you love him?” They were both alone in some DEO office, Supergirl was working nonstop, trying to avoid her own thoughts.
“I don’t know…” she said it out loud for the first time. “I guess I liked the idea I created of him, and also because he reminded me of Krypton, it was like not being…”
“Yes...” she felt bad for admitting it in front of her sister, “I thought I loved him, I mean… I guess I did but I’m not sure. Giving up on him hurt but at the same time, it was so… easy? I had to decide and I just did,” she sadly looked at Alex. “I just want to let this go… I’m worried about Lena and I have been thinking only about her.”
“Do you think she has found out yet?” J’onn came into the room and found the duo talking. “How do you think Lena will react?”
“You’re asking a lot of difficult questions, Alex.” She snorted, and smiled at the alien as he sat in front of them, “I don’t know anything about pregnancies.”
“About that,” J’onn spoke gravely, “I need you to tell me exactly what you heard before rescuing Lena and Mon-El.”
Kara sighed, she had repeated that story at least fifteen times that week.
“Rhea was talking about an insemination she had done, to make sure Daxam had an heir,” she explained, “she told me how she had lied to her son and Lena, blackmailed them and, even if her plans didn’t work out, she could still come back and take the child.” Now it was the worrying part that was troubling Supergirl’s sleep, “but then Rhea was enraged because, after analyzing the DNA used to combine with Lena’s, she realized it wasn’t Mon-El’s but,” she coughed, nervous, “...mine.”
“So Lena is pregnant with your child,” Alex repeated.
“Exactly,” Kara confirmed, “so… what will we do?”
The blonde looked at J’onn, concerned with what he would say.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to have an alien child inside the Luthor family,” Alex didn’t react but Kara felt her heart race. “We don’t know the potential of that, with what powers they can have, they could be a weapon. One that I don’t want to be in the wrong hands.”
“Weapon?” Kara raised her voice, “we’re talking about a child, my child, she then lowered her voice a bit, “you’re not thinking of taking this child away from Lena, are you?”
“As romantic as this sound, we're talking about a possible threat and…”
“Threat? Romantic?” She laughed in disbelief and got up. “You think this is romantic? My best friend’s body was violated! I have been watching her every day and taking care of her every night, feeling like garbage for seeing her drown herself in work and sleepless nights,” she emphasized angrily. “We’re talking about a mother that didn’t even have a choice, about a child that we don’t know what will be like. We’re talking about my kid and I won’t allow a whole department to make Lena feel worse, or make her feel like a Luthor.”
“Kara, calm down…” Alex got up and touched the blonde’s shoulder, who moved away quickly
“I am calm,” she stared at both of them. “I’m going to tell her and fix this.”
“And how do you expect to do this without compromising yourself,” J’onn asked, still serious, “do you think you can tell her without exposing the whole truth?”
“I don’t know,” she answered, sincere. “But I won’t leave her alone. This is mine and only mine decision.”
Two days had gone by since the “discovery” and she hadn’t left her house. She knew her work was pilling up and that Jess was probably dealing with all the stockholders, shareholders, and investors alone, and they would soon begin to speculate the motives behind her misconduct. Fuck it, she thought. Fuck all of them, all the manipulative media and also Kara Danvers.
She was exhausted and hungry. She hadn't eaten anything substantial since she had thrown all her tests away. The wine was her loyal companion, making her forget her own name, unable to see the days go by. But in the morning, just like the other five and a half weeks, she woke up nauseous and threw up again.
Kara had looked for the friends in L-Corp, tried to call but it went straight to the voicemail. No battery. There was only one place where Lena could be and the blonde wasn’t that intimate to her apartment, they almost didn’t meet there, because Lena always preferred going to her friend’s flat and just staying over there. It was more welcoming and warm, it looked less like an office and it had the sweet smell of her friend. Her favorite place in the whole world. But Kara decided she wouldn’t waste any more time, she needed to help Lena, no matter what happened.
She flew around the area before going down to greet the doorman, smiling and leaving a bag with his favorite sandwich. She went up all the floors to the rooftop and took a deep breath before knocking. But then it came to her: what if Lena didn’t want to let anyone in? Well, she had to give it a shot. As she prepared to knock, she heard a thud on the floor which made her heart race in despair. Using her heat vision she melted the lock and went in, immediately searching for her friend.
After going into the bathroom, she found Lena almost passed out on the floor, shaking in cold and pale. Her instinct took place and in no time Kara was carrying her friend back to bed and laying down beside her. Her body was thinner, haggard, and a cold sweat covering her forehead. Kara felt like the worst coward and selfish woman on Earth, mentally punishing herself for leaving Lena alone, for not coming over before and stopping her to continue this self-destruction.
She waited a few minutes, as Lena was getting some of the colors in her face back. The breathing stabilized, the sweat was decreasing and her eyes blinked a couple of times before completely opening up. Lena analyzed where she was and, after noticing warm arms surrounding her, she moved away, scared.
“Hey, it’s okay…” she comforted her in a sweet and slow voice. “It’s me, everything is alright.”
“Kara?” The painful and surprised expression made Kara’s heart sink in her chest.
“I know you’re probably angry at me and… I know I don’t have an excuse and…” she sighed, “maybe… Jess called and I was worried, I know I ghosted you… I don’t…” she immediately stopped after hearing a sob echo through the room. She felt the need to cry as well.
“I thought… I thought you were angry at me…” she sobbed again, the tears ran freely down her face and her chest ached.
“No, Lena, of course not,” the blonde pulled the friend in her arms, hugging her in a protective and caring way. Lena braced her waist strongly, not caring if they were or not crossing a line inside that friendship.
Kara didn’t mind and pulled her even closer, with her own tears running down. She kissed her friend’s dark hair, trying to say she was there and that she wouldn’t leave. How could she think that ghosting and avoiding her was the best choice? Lena was strong, though, and knew how to take care of herself, but she was also fragile.
“What are you doing?” She asked in trepidation as Kara moved to reach her phone?
“Shhh, you don’t have to worry, I’m not leaving”. She smiled, “I’m calling Jess to tell her I’m here, you think she can handle things there by herself?” Lena nodded, “good.”
In a few instants, the younger Danvers notified the secretary and also texted Alex, making it known that was going to spend the whole day out. She would only leave if Earth was invaded again. She left the phone on the nightstand and went back to hugging Lena.
“Sleep,” she whispered, “when you wake up, I’ll be here.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.” She smiled to hide the pain she felt seeing Lena afraid. She slept within minutes and Kara swore to herself she would do whatever she could to keep her safe.
After sleeping for about half an hour, Kara got up, letting Lena rest for more time. In silence, she walked to the kitchen, going through all the cabinets and drawers in a search for food. She wanted to cook a meal for the friend, even though her cooking skills didn’t reach farther than pancakes and cheese sandwiches. Something had got to give. But the problem was there nothing inside the fridge besides water, an old peach juice can and some vegetables. In the cabinets, just a few cereal bars and some expired pasta.
She sighed, confused, how could someone with so much money not spend it all in food? It felt like a sin, such a waste. Still thinking about what she would do, the blonde decided to clean up the apartment. She took out the trash, the wine bottles spread around just like the papers on the room’s central table. She organized some books, going through their pages, and threw away all the spoiled food. After finishing, she called Lena’s favorite restaurant and ordered everything the knew the Luthor liked.
A moment after she hangs up, steps were heard in the hallway and Lena appeared by the door.
"I thought you had left" she murmured, still sleepy. Her messy hair was falling on her flattened face and she was wearing a shirt too large for her shoulders.
"No, I was just… distracting myself" she smiled with honesty "I also ordered food."
"I’m not hungry" she walked to the balcony and Kara poured some water for her
"know you’re not" she sat down "but you need to eat something to get better"
"I’m fine" she lied "I’ll be fine"
The silence was all it was heard for a while and the Luthor used that moment to analyze the woman in front of her. She always thought it was mesmerizing the way shone brighter than the sun for everyone around her, the happy and warm way she dealt with life an with the people she loved. But standing there, so close and still, she could notice some changes. She recognized every train in her best friend, she had learned and memorized all of them. Kara was a bit dismal too, with a trace of many sleepless nights underneath her eyes, their blue color was dimmer.
She sighed. It wasn’t fair to be hard on her, it wasn’t easy for neither of them.
"Kara, about what happened…" she spoke without raising her head "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to go this way, for you to suffer. I’m sorry about Mike."
"Lena, it wasn’t your fault" she reached for the other woman’s hand over the balcony "It wasn’t your decision, Supergirl told me… a lot" she restricted her words.
"I imagine she did" she exhaled "Either way, I still feel bad about it."
"You don’t have to feel bad" she reassured "I’m not angry at you or anything like that. It was a dangerous situation for all of us, Mon-El had to leave for his own good and I… well…" she fidgeted with her fingers "I’m still learning how to understand what I felt or thought I felt, our relationship was complicated… I think" she smiles, uncertain.
"There’s something you should know" Lena spoke, changing her tone "something that may make you hate me but I have to say it."
"Let me speak" she said, taking a deep breath "please…"
"Okay" she nodded, knowing what was coming, even though she didn’t think it was going to be so soon.
"Supergirl probably already told you about what Rhea wanted and how she tried to force me to marry your boyfriend or ex boyfriend - she chose her words carefully - the thing is… I’m pregnant" she looked at her friend, searching for a reaction "I didn’t sleep with your boyfriend, I would never do something like that. Somehow Rhea had samples of our DNAs and used them for some kind of insemination."
"Er… okay" it was what she managed to say, Kara already knew the truth, but how could she tell Lena she didn’t mind that she was pregnant with her boyfriend? "right…"
"Did you hear what I just said?" she asked arching her eyebrows
"Yes, I did" she confirmed "but I also have to tell you something and I have to…" the bell rang, interrupting her "our food!" she exclaimed, excited "first, we’ll eat and then… then we can continue."
And so it was. Kara organized the table, separating the plates and that both ate calmly, chatting about lighter topics and about what the blonde had been up to those last weeks. She told her about the bastard Snapper was being, telling her to rewrite the article about the invasion more than three times and demanding impatiently an exclusive with Lena Luthor, the woman who helped to save the day, but could have hidden intentions. Kara warned him she wouldn’t bother her friend, who thanked her mentally while eating. Mysteriously, her stomach didn’t reject the pasta, but only the thought of a salad made her sick.
After finishing, the CEO felt the need to bring the subject again.
"I’m not keeping this child" she spoke suddenly, taking Kara by surprise. The blonde almost spilled her water
"You… wh-what?" she cleaned her lips and left the glass aside. What does she mean? She thought in silence.
"I don’t want to be a mom, Kara" she confessed "I don’t… I have never…" that was just half truthful. And the blonde felt the doubt inside that sentence. "I’m not getting an abortion, that’s not it. But I’m looking up the process of secretive adoption."
"Lena" she reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers "you don’t have to make this decision right now."
"Yes, but not now" she repeated kindly. Lena agreed silently and yawned, her eyes starting to get heavy. "go lay down, I’ll clean up. You need to rest."
"You..." she wasn’t brave enough to ask. What if she slept and then Kara left? When would she come back? Would she come back?
"I’ll be waiting here" smiling in relief she walked back to bed, her body grateful for finally having something nutritive and solid inside the stomach.
The younger Danvers sighed and tried no to dwell on those words in her conscience and sub-conscience. Lena didn’t want to be a mother, therefore she wasn’t keeping the child, it wouldn't stay with her. This small confession saddened the blonde’s heart, even hurting it a bit. She couldn’t leave her child in an orphanage, defenseless against any person or couple that wanted it. She couldn’t bear to lose someone who was 50% her, someone that could have her eyes or smile. Or Lena’s smile, she thought. After washing the dishes, she decided she wouldn’t comment on that subject that day, leaving it to Supergirl deal with and tell the truth.
And the truth was that the baby didn’t have a father, but two mothers.
Chapter 2: Something you can't deny
Hello everyone, sorry to keep you waiting!
here's the second chapter. Hope you enjoy :)
After finding something out, the acceptance phase follows or the denial, depending on what was your reaction to the news. For those who had always planned on having children, finding out you’re pregnant comes as good news, surprise or not, expected or not. For each woman, the acceptance always goes through different processes. There are ones who immediately freak out, with a dying need to tell the world about it. Others wonder if that is or isn’t true, but after confirming it, it’s all pure happiness. But, there are still some who don’t quite know how to react to it and there are many reasons for that.
First reason: you didn’t expect it like really didn’t. Married or not, wishing to have children isn’t always a discussion topic and the arrival of this child changes everything. Second reason: It wasn’t planned and you’re not married to the father. This situation is far from being the most complicated. A woman is perfectly capable of raising a child without a man around, however, even rejecting the father’s help, this kind of news is never welcome. Third reason: it wasn’t planned, you’re not married and you don’t want to be a mother. Well, then the decisions become more difficult. Not that the others aren’t though, because all that involves someone’s life is hard. Truth is, not all women wish to be mothers and that is perfectly normal. But what happens then?
There are two very obvious options: abortion or adoption. Abortion is a private matter, each one has the power to decide over their bodies and the mother deserves nothing else than respect and support. Adoption also is a private matter and requires immense maturity from the biological mother’s part. Anyway, giving away someone you’re giving life to is never going to be an easy decision. And nobody can judge you for that. Although there are many other different situations, like a scenario where the mother doesn’t have conditions needed to raise a child, those circumstances change from woman to woman. Lena was still figuring out what her reaction was going to be when the penny finally dropped.
Her first phase was denial, for sure.
Lena spent the morning putting all the work she had accumulated ahead and Jess was relieved to see her a bit better, more blushy, and elevated. The paper piles fully covered the table’s surface, she had lost count of how many coffee cups she had had and her brain refused to let go of the pregnancy subject. Fucking hell. It was exhausting to dwell on the same topic, again and again, besides, she needed to pay attention and focus. Kara had assured her there was no problem being pregnant with her ex-boyfriend. What still sounded beyond bizarre. She didn’t know what was worse: to be pregnant, to be pregnant with her best friend’s ex-boyfriend, or to be pregnant with an alien.
She’d give everything to see her mother’s face when she finds out, but she obviously wouldn’t tell her. Soon the media would figure out, it is impossible to hide a pregnancy unless she temporarily moved away to somewhere far away. That sounded like a great idea. Maybe, after her belly started to grow, Lena would ask L-corp for temporary leave, leaving her CFO in charge of the more urgent matters and reunions, while she would manage the company from somewhere else. Perhaps that was the best option to escape the tabloids.
She sighed. What would her body look like after nine months? She didn’t want to imagine it. She also wouldn’t admit she had looked at herself in the mirror at least four times before leaving for work. She was starting to sound paranoid, the child wasn’t even big enough to occupy a somewhat large space. Also, should she say child, baby, or fetus? What was the correct termination? Whatever, she couldn’t get attached to it, she couldn’t feed feelings and when you give names, affection is created. So that was the denial phase. Denying she could really be pregnant, denying she could want or wanted to be a mom, and denying that maybe everything wasn’t as bad as it seemed.
During a bathroom break, the Luthor heard the known noise in her balcony.
“Supergirl” she turned and smiled, a bit more relaxed “Kara told me you’d come.”
“Are you okay?” the superhero asked, worried “you seem a bit down.”
“I’m fine and I’d be grateful if you could not mention my looks to anyone” she spoke out defensively. Now everyone was noticing her state? “I suppose you’re already familiar with ‘the news.’”she said ironically and observed the girl of steal’s reaction.
“Actually…” the blonde fidgeted with her cape and looked down, looking a lot like day to day Kara “This is why I’m here.”
“Are you recognizing my child?” she chuckled, raising her brows and crossing her arms. Supergirl froze “I’m kidding. Sit down” she pointed to the sofa “do you want anything to drink?” she asked, reaching for a glass of water but the blonde denied “alright, I’m all ears.”
“First of all, I want to tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through all of… this, with Rhea.” she began, trying to keep her posture “I wish I had realized sooner, maybe helped or stopped her before she took you to the ship. Maybe… maybe now you wouldn’t have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy.” she sighed. Lena analyzed every expression of the woman and listened to every word carefully. Obviously she knew about the pregnancy, but how? Could the superhero have told Kara about it before?
Oh, it made sense, why her best friend didn’t take the news so badly as she thought she would. Kara already knew.
“Maybe” she answered drily and harshly. Her anger kicked in when she understood that Supergirl had shared something so intimate of her to her best friend. “but now this is a private matter and all decisions are mine to take.”
“I’m afraid they’re ours to take” she murmured. Lena raised her brows again.
“There is something you should know and that’s why I’m here” she fixed her posture and sighed “In Krypton, it was usual to use insemination or incubators to generate new lives. Couples who weren’t biologically capable of reproduction often choose those alternatives, because their children would still be 100% genetically compatible” she explained “sexual cells weren’t necessarily needed, the technology was much more advanced than Earth’s and I was… very young when I left, so I don’t know how to explain the specifics.”
“Okay, and your point is?” she asked gravely “I’d appreciate it if you could get straight to it.”
“Right” she took a deep breath, searching for some courage that did not exist “Rhea wished for Daxam to have an heir and for that she needed a princess, which was going to be you. But her plans were close to going wrong and because of that, the queen took the decision of making a child without your… er, permission.” this was harder than she thought “when I got into the ship to rescue you, I heard Rhea yell at one of the labs responsible and she was talking about your pregnancy.”
“What did she say?” Her stomach rolled over. Shit.
“She said she had extracted a strand of Mon-El’s hair, or so she believed” she tittered “the thing is… that strand of hair in his shirt didn’t belong to him…”
Okay. That was too much information. Lena wasn’t following anymore and all the situation, that was confusing enough, was getting messier. So she was pregnant of a daxamite? Instinctively, her hand reached her womb and panic started to rise up again. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the rest of the story.
“And who is it?” she questioned, desperate “who is the father of this child?”
“There isn’t a father” she frowned “there is another mother.”
“I need scotch” she got up quickly, legs shaking, and served herself. She took a few deep breaths, trying to keep her lunch inside her stomach. There was another mother, not a father. A mother “Who does the DNA belong to?”
“To me” she confessed without raising her eyes and heard the Luthor run to the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet and holding herself to it “Lena!” she got up in no time to help her.
“Don’t touch me!” she cried in anger. Her strength was slowly vanishing and she damned herself for crying again “How… I…”
“I’m so sorry Lena, I’m truly sorry” she whispered, upset. She didn’t expect that reaction and she couldn’t even touch her friend at that moment “I wish things weren’t like this” The other woman laughed sarcastically. Of course, the Super wished that, after all, who would ever want to have a child with a Luthor?
“Leave me alone” she asked, getting up and washing her face. If there was something she had learned it was that a Luthor always keeps posture, never shows weakness, and does not allow others to feel sorry for them.
“Leave me alone!” she almost yelled “I may be expecting your child but we will not be mothers. What do you expect from me? For me to congratulate you? Well, congratulations, you’re going to have a child and if you want to keep it I assume you’ll have to find a less agitated and dangerous job than the one you have.” she fixed her skirt and hair, she wouldn’t allow herself to be weak, not in front of a Super “This child won’t carry mine or your last name, whatever that is. I don’t even know your name, so don’t act like we are going to it like a happy couple. We’re not a couple.”
“I know we’re not” she murmured. Her heart ached for all the lies and deep inside, she wondered if she would have had a better reaction if she had told her the baby was Kara’s. She couldn’t make sense of how the CEO loved the reporter but only admired Supergirl, usually, people went the opposite way “I just wanted you to know the truth and maybe that could help with the guilt of being pregnant of your best friend’s ex boyfriend.”
“Well, that didn’t help” she said sitting back “and if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone” she insisted “maybe we can…”
“We can what? Handle it together?” she laughed in disbelief “You’d come to the medical appointments with me dressed as Supergirl and let everyone find out a Luthor is carrying your child? Is that what you want?” Her tone was harsh and the CEO knew exactly where that anger was coming from “or are you finally going to tell me your real name?”
Nothing. Supergirl couldn’t bring herself to say anything, because truth was, Lena had a point and all she had was excuses. It hurt like hell not being able to tell her best friend her secret identity, keeping a secret like that was painful and a burden she would never wish to anyone else. But her fear spoke louder and the blonde would always back down. She loved the Luthor too much to let any harm happen to her.
“That’s what I thought” Lena spoke disappointed, although she wasn’t sure why. At last, she understood the silence would continue, she decided to end that conversation “Wish you well, Supergirl.”
Kara hesitated before turning around to the balcony’s door behind her. Before leaving, she requested one more wish
“Let Kara help you. That’s all I ask.”
“Have a good day.” were her last words.
The CEO would never let herself cry if that was a different situation, would never allow her walls to crumble like that, making her nightmares come true. She wasn’t mad at Supergirl or the fact that wasn’t worth trusting - even carrying her child in her womb - with her real name, because the blonde wasn’t to blame and it wasn’t her duty to tell the truth to a Luthor. It was all a terrible misunderstanding. But she wouldn’t let herself be weak and be treated like a damsel in danger. She was pregnant, not ill, she didn’t need anyone’s mercy or pity. If she were to be entirely honest, Lena would much rather be pregnant of someone so righteous and good like the Girl of Steel than some egotistical prince, but the biggest issue was that Supergirl was still around. If the baby was Mike’s, he at least was out of the planet somewhere far away. It would be easier to deal with because then there was no one to take part in that process.
But no, the child developing inside her was Kryptonian and would be half-alien, like its’ mother. Mother. What a joke, she thought. It would be a perfect dream to be in a relationship with a woman like that, someone who saves the world in a daily routine and is the symbol of her city. A Luthor and a Super. She laughed to herself and rolled her eyes. That could never happen, firstly because no would accept it, Luthors weren’t made for loving, especially loving aliens. Especially loving Supers. However, karma is a bitch and destiny likes toying with people’s lives, and now she was sitting on her bathroom floor, wondering how she would fix this mess and how she would ignore the growing pain in her chest.
Remembering Kara made her almost smile. Her reaction made even more sense now, Lena wasn’t pregnant of her ex boyfriend. Obviously, if that was true the blonde would have already left, she would have been extremely upset and hurt. The Luthor didn’t know what bothered her the most, if it was the fact the blonde reacted reasonably because she already knew the truth or if it was the insane need to know how Kara would have reacted if the baby was Mike’s. She was probably going mad. The blonde could never fall in love with someone like her, pregnant or not, expecting her ex or a superhero’s child. Her feelings still ached deep in her heart and she kept burying them deeper.
As she got up and stared at the phone’s screen to know the time she noticed she had stayed down for at least forty minutes. By that time L-corp was empty, most of the employees had gone home and Jess was also dismissed. Lena walked towards the bar to get the best bottle of wine, one she kept for special occasions, even though those never really happened. She sat down, turning her eyes to the gigantic glass wall and sighed. The city was still alive and kicking out there and the moon left the balcony’s floor painted in pale white and there wasn’t one cloud up in the sky.
A perfect night. Perfect for being alone.
She served herself a glass and put the bottle on the floor. As she felt the crystal touch her lips, her subconscious reacted faster than she thought it would. Pregnant women shouldn’t have alcoholic beverages, she knew that. The difference was that Lena didn’t care, not yet.
“I’m sorry about this” she murmured, caressing her belly. I can’t be who you want me to be, but I can promise you I’ll find an ideal family. With a mom who will love you and people who will teach you to be someone good, kind, and loyal like your other mother, she thought in silence “I’m sorry…”
The Luthor brought the glass to her mouth again and felt the sweet taste of wine running through her tongue but something inside her made her stop. Damn it. How could she be so moved and affected by someone she didn’t even know?
“You’re not even born and are already giving me trouble” she groaned, leaving her dink aside and getting ready to finally go home “I can’t believe I’m talking to my belly” she smirked. Grabbed her bag and called the driver, she needed to eat or better, the baby needed to eat “are you hungry?” she asked, still caressing her belly and her stomach roared in response “I’m not good at eating every three hours, Kara keeps complaining about it” she felt her heart beating faster after pronouncing that name “you would like her, she’s the best person in the whole world”.
She walked out, wishing a good night to the security guards, and got into the car, asking to go straight to her apartment. Her hand didn’t leave her belly for one second, spending the whole time resting in that body part still to grow. It was unconscious like her motherly instincts were coming to live without her noticing. As she walked into the dark living room, Lena didn’t feel alone. For the first time in her life, the Luthor felt full, taken in a completely new way and accompanied by someone that knew her like nobody else, because she was sure that baby could hear her heart in a way no other person could.
“Alex, I don’t know what to do” Kara whispered for the hundredth time that morning. Her swollen eyes and wan face delated how she was feeling “you had to see her reaction, I’ve never…” she sighed, sadly “I never thought it was going to hurt this much…”
The redhead, who was occupied opening the pizza boxes, looked carefully at her sister. That week were the weirdest days she had ever lived and she knew exactly how complicated was the mess Kara was going into. Well, Alex couldn’t imagine herself in a situation like that and therefore had no idea what to say. But, the more the blonde tried to protect Lena from getting hurt, the more she harmed herself. The lie was the snowball that would turn to an avalanche because a lie needs at least other seven to become convincing.
“I’ll tell you what I think while you eat” she handed her a plate and sat down “Kara, the more you postpone the “big reveal”, the more harm it will do. And you’re not alone in this, Lena is also involved and now there’s a child.” she pointed out.
““I thought that when Lena knew the baby wasn’t Mike’s she would feel… better” she sighed “I don’t know what I was thinking…”
“Yeah, me either” she was honest, making Kara groan in regret “you know how I’m completely against you exposing your identity, especially to her” the blonde shot her an angry stare. Alex sighed with the reaction “not because Lena is a Luthor, but because being one only puts her in greater danger. But I’m even more against letting a mother deal with her pregnancy all alone, especially in her situation. If we are to analyze what happened to her, this insemination was a product of rape” the words were heavy and hard but Alex knew they had to be said “if you’re not telling the truth then you can’t intervene in her decisions and choices. Supergirl can but she wouldn’t want to see for a billion dollars” suddenly Kara lost her appetite “if you want to be a part of this as a friend and not as a mother, then be there to support her. If you want to change your mind because you don’t want to give up on this child than own up to the consequences and fight for what you want” she noticed her sister leaving a slice of pizza on the plate, that rarely happened “Kara, why is it so important to you for Lena to keep this baby?”
That was a hurtful and overly sincere question. During those six weeks, the young Danvers could only think about how to solve that matter to feel some relief. But every time she thought of being a mother and that the child was biologically hers, all the ghosts and fears came back to haunt her. To be reminded of Krypton, of her parents, her friends, and the stories she used to be told as a child still hurt her, still made her shed a tear at night. Especially when the fact of her and Karl-El were the last ones left weighed on her heart.
“My parents could have done something different, Alex” she whispered, feeling the tears stream “they knew Krypton was going to explode and even so decided to stay, they chose to give up on me “ the redhead reached for her hand over the table and squeezed it gently “I don’t want to do the same, I don’t want this child to grow up thinking her parents didn’t want them even though they’re alive and well. My parents would never come back looking for me, but I’m here and Lena is here and…” she sobbed “this baby is a part of me and giving up on it is like… it’s like…”
“Losing your parents again” Alex completed and Kara just nodded “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too” she whispered “I can’t leave Lena alone but I also can’t tell her the truth now. Not yet… I’m not ready yet and I don’t want to jeopardize my chance to accompany the pregnancy. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
“You’re going to be a mom, do you get that?” she said smiling “Eliza will freak out when she finds out” she provoked and Kara’s eyes widened.
“Oh, Rao!” her hands reached her forehead “she is going to kill me!”
“Chill, little sister” she went back to chewing pizza “at least you’re not a teenager and it’s not like you even slept with the Luthor.”
“Alex!” she groaned “you don’t have to go into the specifics. Lena is just a friend.”
“That doesn’t have to stop it from being something more, especially when I know you like her” she snickered. The blonde still cursed the day she told that secret to her older sisters, a few months ago, before even she got into a relationship with the daxamite.
“She could never fall in love with somebody like me, Alex” she pushed the plate to the side, food still on it “especially when she finds out I’m the mother of her child.”
“That’s what happens when you skip stages…”
“You’re so funny” she mocked “what will I do now?”
“What always do” she said with her mouth full “be there when she needs you and convince her the antenatal visits, soon she will complete two months of pregnancy and the third semester is always the most complicated.”
“Right, I’ll do that” she got up to grab her phone to call her friend
“And Kara…” she called “how did the Luthor believe the strand of her belonged to Supergirl?”
“What do you mean?” she frowned, not following up.
“Mike dated you, not Supergirl” she explained the obvious “how did her hair end up in his clothes? It makes zero sense.”
“I didn’t… I haven’t thought about it…”
“That’s what I thought so” the pizza got her attention back. When her sister left to make the call, Alex thought to herself: Lena is such an idiot in love.
Kara used the elevator, holding a flower bouquet and a box full of donuts. Yes, she knew it wasn’t the healthiest food for a pregnant woman, but if that child was at least 10% like her, their appetite would be uncontrollable, but at least they would have good taste and they wouldn’t eat kale or any other vegetable. She smiled at Jess as soon as she saw her and before asking to go in, her ears were caught in the sweet and calming voice resonating on the other side. Her super-hearing allowed her to hear everyone Lena was saying to someone in the office. Was she accompanied or by herself?
Before knocking, she concentrated again and heard a new sound. It was usual for her to turn off all the sounds surrounding her and focusing on only one, Kara mostly did it when she was trying to sleep or watching tv. But normally, when she was in L-Corp, the only sound she would hear was the CEO’s heart. She knew every beat by heart, every compass, she sometimes would even count them. However, there was another beat, at a lower frequency, but strong and fast. Two hearts. She could hear two heartbeats on the other side of that door.
Holding back tears, the blonde entered the room and saw the Luthor completely focused on the notebook, whilst her hand rested on her belly. It was the most delicate and unique scene she had ever seen.
“Kara!” she got up excited and hugged her friend tightly “are those for me?”
“Yes!” she felt her cheeks blushing the friend took the flowers “I also brought you this” she handled the brown box.
“Did you read my mind?” she smirked “should I be policing what I think?” she teased, as always. Kara was sure she was about to explode with embarrassment.
“Have you been feeling better?” she questioned, sitting down on the sofa. Lena soon joined and her mouth watered as she felt the sweet smell coming from the box. It was like her taste for food had suddenly evolved to something else “Supergirl…”
“Let’s not talk about her” she interrupted “that matter is pretty much solved.”
“Is it?” she masked the upset tone coming from her mouth as she heard Lena excluding the hero so easily from the baby’s life “you know it wasn’t her intention… you know, to make things worse or something.”
“I know and believe me, I don’t feel good about any of it” she confessed “but I won’t interfere with her life like that. How to handle this the best way I can on my own” she pointed out “Supergirl has bigger issues.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone” she murmured. The Luthor raised her brown in interest.
“That’s exactly what she said” she tittered “You two are really similar sometimes” Kara felt her heart sink
“I guess so” she coughed, nervously “Shall we go? We have time but I think the traffic isn’t great today.”
“To where?” the other woman frowned and licked her fingers full of sugar. God, she could hear her stomach crying in happiness for those sweets “What day is today?”
“Wednesday” she answered “I called last Friday, remember? We scheduled a visit for the prenatal”” Lena really seemed to have forgotten, because her face was screaming confusion.
““Oh… shit!”” she groaned “I completely forgot, how could I forgot this fucki…”
“Lena!” she put her hands the Luthor’s mouth “the baby might hear it!” she whispered, making the other raise her brows even more and murmur something inapprehensible. “sorry…” she let go.
“How do you know it can listen?” she asked, curious. Pregnancies were definitely far from her knowledge areas.
“Er… I, uh” she cleared her throat “I downloaded an app and it… well, it says that by the sixth week the baby can already listen to what we say.” she blushed profusely.
“You’re taking this quite seriously” she frowned “don’t get too attached, okay? You know I’m going to look for a lawyer to discuss the adoption papers.”
“I know” she tried no to look down, she counted on her magical plan to somehow convince Lena to not give up on the baby “but you’re still going to be with the baby for a long time and this app is really good.”
“Kara Danvers, you are impressive” she charmed “and my favorite person, you know that. C’mon, tell me more about what you found in this app.”
“Okay” they grabbed their pursed and Lena asked Jess to put the flower in a vase, letting her know they were leaving for a medical appointment “here it says the baby is still called embryo and it already has a brian, for that reason the mother have some memory issues” she read as they walked to the car.
That was all a CEO needed, memory issues. She grumbled. She asked the driver to take them to the address “what else?”
“Your breasts will be more sensitive due to the increased blood circulation and high production from the mammary glands” her eyes quickly feel to the torso covered by the bordeaux shirt of the other, making her face burn “how… how are… they?” Rao, she was going to die of embarrassment.
“Are you really asking me about my boobs?” she teased, knowing the friend was about to have a heart attack “Kara?”
“I… er, okay…” she coughed “let’s not discuss this, right? Look! we’re here.” She quickly changed the subject. Lena opened a funny smile and followed the blonde to the entrance, letting the driver know she’d call him as soon as the consult was over.
The office wasn’t huge or luxurious, the walls were painted in icy white and the one behind the main desk was baby pink, making it look presentable and modern. Degrees were hanging all around the place, just like some pictures of babies with flowers and puppies. There were also a few toys placed in a corner and a pink rubber carpet where the alphabet letters were written in black. The Luthor had never been in a place like that and the peace she felt as a child in one of the women’s lap laughed was indescribable. Her eyes accompanied the movements of that mother, that hugged that little human with so much affection, even though her belly was starting to get in the way.
“Lena Luthor” she heard Kara talking to the secretary
“Right, the doctor will call you right away” she answered “Miss Luthor, is it your first time?” the Luthor took a while to understand. All of the sudden, that place and atmosphere made her lose herself and she immediately felt like crying.
“Yes” Kara quickly responded “do we need to fill anything?”
“Are you something of her’s or the baby’s?” she asked, handling a form “if you are, you may sign, but if not you may only help filling it and then Miss Luthor will have to sign it.” the blonde agreed without adding anything else. But what she wanted was to scream out that the baby was also hers.
“Lena, are you okay?” she noticed too much silence from the friend “Are you in pain? Feeling sick?”
“No” she murmured “I have to go to the bathroom” she said fast and in a minute was gone in the hallway.
As she entered the small place, her tears ran free and her heart was beating in despair. She wasn't supposed to feel all that, all that lightness and clarity, but it was impossible. It seemed like her body took every action and transformed it into a rollercoaster of emotions. She cursed herself for crying so easily and for being so sensitive, and also for not knowing how she was going to get out of there looking like nothing had happened. Kara was her friend and was there because she to help her and didn’t want her to spend the next seven months of pregnancy alone.
She could still hear Supergirls voice, could still hear her last words: “Let Kara help you.” Was that why she was letting herself be helped? Because deep down she cared about the hero’s opinion? No. She couldn’t let herself be that soft and emotive. She had made herself very clear to what was her position in that pregnancy and had already taken a decision. Right, now all she had to do was wash her eyes and face whatever was coming. She was getting out that alive, or at least she would try.
“Miss Luthor, Miss Danvers” the beautiful doctor with bright green eyes pointed them to the chairs in front of the table “please, do sit down.”
“I’m doctor Allison Cameron and am a gynecologist obstetrician, as you might know” she smiled, sympathetic “have you filled out the form yet
“Sure” Kara handle the paper
“Lena, may I call you that?” she was careful “We have a long journey ahead of us and will see each other with certain frequency, for that I’d rather call you by your first name.”
“Yes, of course” she limited herself to a small smile
“I’ll ask some basic questions, then we’ll have some exams and finally we’ll have the ultrasound, is that alright?” she nodded “Excuse the question, but Miss Danvers, are you her wife or her girlfriend?” Kara choked with air while Lena strongly blushed.
“She is just a friend and she’ll be accompanying my visits, if that’s okay.” the Luthor explained, reaching out the blonde’s hand underneath the table and intertwining their fingers, in way of saying everything was fine.
“There is no problem, I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable” she politely explained “Firstly, do you have any heart or blood pressure disease, diabetes or any other condition that requires regular medical visits or prescribed medication?”
“No, none” the doctor took detailed notes on a file that from now on was Lena’s
“Any partner?” Lena denied “could you give me some information about the father? If you can't, there is no problem. I only need to know in case of congenital and hereditary diseases.”
“I don’t know who the father is” she said firmly. Kara knew that was the logical answer, because there was no plausible explanation to what had happened. But she couldn’t help feeling her smile and joy dying a little bit in that moment “It’s just me.”
“Alright” she kept going, professional as always “your last sexual intercourse was before or after the conceiving?”
“Er… After” She answered, feeling out of place and intentionally avoiding Kara’s face, whom she was still holding hands with.
The blonde frowned and repeated that information in her head in looping. When? Since when? With who?
And so it went on, the questions only getting more intimate and specific, the younger Danvers even had to pretend she wasn’t hearing anything a few times. When she thought it was getting a bit better, the doctor began asking blood and urine exams and for the breasts ultrasound, Lena was given some kind of medical gown went to the office’s bathroom. The blonde didn’t quite know what that was for so she just patiently waited, it was time for the ultrasound and she could barely contain her excitement. Sure, Kara didn’t need a machine to hear her baby’s heartbeat, she could her them right now, alongside the mother’s.
She had noticed how nervous had been in the waiting room and was able to hear her crying in the bathroom. It was painful to not be able to knock on the door and comfort her, assure her that it was all going to be okay, that she wasn’t alone. However, she had to hold back and stay low, she couldn’t risk losing the two most important people of her life. If Kara thought about it, Lena was the person she would like to have a baby with, she always found her so warm, gentle and lovely. Maternal, that was the word. To her, Lena was the perfect woman.
“Please step on the balance, facing me” Cameron asked. The other woman was undressed, with only the gown covering fewer parts of her body, after all, it was open in the front. “right, now lay down, please. I’ll have to open your gown, okay?”
Oh Rao. How could Kara survive that? Breath, she had to breathe. She had never been that intimate with the friend, although they did share a bet every now and then, especially on movie nights. It weren’t so many nights, but those were special. Lena sent her an embarrassed look and that was enough to calm the little Danvers down, after all, they were there to face a problem together. And because of that, the blonde placed herself by the bed and held tight to her hand.
“Of course” Lena consented, feeling calmer.
The doctor opened her clothing and suddenly there was nothing stopping the kryptonian from looking at Lena’s naked body. But she didn’t, she wasn’t going to be disrespectful in such an intense and embarrassing moment . like that. The CEO was trusting her, letting herself be so vulnerable, allowing Kara so see her in a way no one ever did. It wasn’t fair to look at every part of her body. That wasn’t her role, it wasn’t her place to stare at her best friend’s breasts and stomach and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Her eyes stayed focused on the green of her eyes and how shiny they were this afternoon. Cameron palped each of her breasts, asking if there was any pain, she also felt the uterus and abdominal regions but, fortunately, Lena was fine.
“Let’s get to the best part now” the doctor smiled and place some cold gel on the Luthor’s belly. “we won’t be able to see everything plainly yet and if you have any doubts you can ask me.”
“Can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl?” the blonde asked right way, in an imperceptible smile
“We can’t know the sex yet, it is only visible by the thirteenth week, sometimes even later” the machine slided on Lena’s soft belly, giving her a bit of discomfort and goosebumps “and here is your little child” she focused the image on to a very small body-ish figure “you just got into the half of the sixth week of pregnancy, so the brain is fully formed and the spine is beginning to take place” she changed the focus “here we have the arms and legs, can you see?”
“It’s so small” Kara said, in love, even though she didn’t quite know where to look at “and so pretty…”
“Kara, we can barely see what’s on the screen” Lena called out, laughing at her friend “it doesn’t even have a face yet.”
“Actually, the face is being formed this week” the doctor explained “by the eighth week you can ask for a 3D ultrasound, in case you want to know if it is going to have your chin or nose.”
“I bet it will have your eyes” the blonde commented, still ecstatic and staring at the screen “big green eyes like yours.”
“Calm down, Kara” the Luthor laughed, but wondered if her child was going to have eyes like her own and blonde yellow hair like Supergirl’s. That thought made her stomach complain and she quickly let it go “Is the baby fine?”
“Perfectly fine, Lena” Cameron took some shots and continued to slide through the gel “and here is the little heart.” she said before turning the sound on.
Quickly, the room was filled with fast and precise heartbeats. They were like rushed knocks. Kara smiled like never did before, her heart was almost beating like the baby’s and her joy doubled up, because now her friend also knew what it felt like to hear that melody, so amazing and miraculous. Lena, on the other side, was fighting tears, again. She couldn’t get attached, she could not. She had a plan to follow, a life and a company to manage. She didn’t even know how to be a mom.
But how could she resist that sound?
It was her baby, so small and fragile. She was all they had, their protection, nutrient source, their home and comfortableness. She never felt so important to someone until now, she never thought she was going to be so essential to a little being like that, a being stripped from evil, from grudges, pain and anguish. Lena could feel their heart anchoring inside her chest, could feel their little hands trying to move to the belly and whisper that it was okay. She even wondered if that machine could hurt the baby, she didn’t want anyone causing her child pain.
No one would ever harm them, she would kill and die for that promise.
“Your baby has approximately five grams and measures from 0.6 to 0.8 centimeters.” she informed, interrupting Lena’s thoughts.
“Like a pomegranate seed.” Kara compared and Lena look at her, confused.
“Precisely, Miss Danvers” she smiled “now let’s get you cleaned up and then you can go change. How did you know that?” she turned to the blonde.
“She is a bit over excited with this pregnancy” the Luthor explained “she downloaded an app.”
“Apps are a very fun way to trace the pregnancy evolution” she threw the papers with gel away and took her gloves off “there, now you can go get dressed. I’m going to grab the rest of your exam requests and will be back in a few moment. Make yourselves comfortable.”
Allison left and they both breathed in relief, feeling lighter. Kara helped Lena up and closed the front of her gown, lacing the loosen cord.
“Are you okay?” she asked in concern to those crystal irises “you’re...quiet.”
“It’s a lot to process in a single day.” she confessed
“But… did you like seeing it?” she meant the ultrasound “liked hearing it?”
“I’m going to get changed” she said, smiling, leaving Kara alone and without an answer.
After leaving the clinic, Kara convinced her walk two blocks down to a cafeteria, using the made-up excuse that Lena needed to walk to grant better blood circulation to her legs. She did have a point, exercising would actually help the other woman, but they both knew the real goal were the enormous fruit vitamins and grilled cheese, besides, the simple mention of food made the kryptonian’s stomach roar.
And what was unexpected, Lena’s stomach roared along for the first time.
“See?” the blonde exclaimed ”you’re both hungry.”
“The pomegranate seed is hungry” she said, feeling her feet sting inside her shoes “I just ate.”
“Donuts can’t be considered a balanced meal” she sounded like a specialist and that made the other arch her brows.
“Oh, can’t they?” she teased, because everytime she said that, Kara insisted that sweets were as much food as any other “so you’re finally admitting?”
“Don’t hold my words against me” she pouted. Adorable, Lena thought “You’re pregnant, you have to eat well.”
“Eat well is an euphemism” she groaned “this child has my genes and your appetite” those words shone on the little Danver’s heart.
Before she could comment, a tall woman with long dark hair and blue eyes approached them. There was a beauty saloon by the corner of the clinic, she was probably coming from there.
“Lena Luthor” she smiled “what are you doing around here?” Lena panicked, she knew the woman could put two and two together, because right behind them there was a obstetric clinic. Kara sensed her discomfort.
“Helena…” she smiled back “I was just..”
“Keeping me company” the blonde completed and reached her hand out “Kara Danvers.”
“Helena Bertinelli” they shook hands and she stared at the two of them “Pregnant?” she pointed at her belly.
“Yes, sixth week” Kara answered and, to make it more believable, place her hand on her stomach “Lena was just making sure I didn’t panic.”
“And what are you doing here?” the Luthor interrupted.
“Just passing through” she vaguely answered “we should see each other more often, Lena.”
“I’m afraid it won’t be possible, L-corp commands very much of me and I need to be completely involved” she gave her best excuse and Kara’s stomach roared again, making the kryptonian blush with embarrassment “and I need to fix the urgent matter.”
“As you wish” Helena nodded, saying goodbye “you know where to find me.”
The CEO didn’t mind answering, because she would never meet Bertinelli again. Her life was already too troubled and confusing. They kept walking in silence and all Kara could think about was what that last sentence meant. Did Lena sleep with her? No, she couldn’t imagine that, But suddenly a bothering jealousy feeling took place in her heart.
Helena was beautiful, she had impeccable posture and an admirable style. How could the young Danvers compete with her? How could she match her? She looked down at her clothes and noticed she had never cared enough to dress a bit more for the CEO, she felt ashamed.
“Kara, darling, is everything okay?” Lena gently caressed her shoulders - I hope Helena didn’t make you uncomfortable.
“No it’s cool. Everything if fine” she rushed to say.
“Also about… that” she sighed “thank you for not telling and covering for me, I don’t know if I would be able to deal with her right now.”
“You’re not telling?” she questioned as she grabbed a menu from the table “not even when you see your… friend again?” maybe she got lost in the role.
“I don’t intend on telling anyone, it’s not like it’s news or that my family would be glad to know it” she grabbed a menu as well “and I won’t be seeing her again. Helena isn’t really a… friend” she confessed, leaving the other woman uneasy.
“Right” she took a deep breath “are you getting the usual? Salad and Hulky colored juice?”
“As much appreciative as I am for healthy food, no” she went back looking at the options “these last days I haven’t been able to eat any of my salads. Apparently, this baby isn’t a fan.” she sighed.
“Seedy really has good taste” she teased, although she knew it was true.
“Nice nickname” she smiled ironically and they both ordered “I don’t get how you can be so excited with the idea of me having a child. I could be pregnant of you ex boyfriend, the only thing that stopped it was a simple mistake, how can you be so calm?”
Kara sighed, she knew they would have this conversation at some point. Sure, theoretically speaking, her friend was supposed to be expecting Mon El’s child, but she wasn’t and that is what matters. Not because she would feel bad if she were, but the child is hers, just as much as it is Lena’s. Now they would be connect with something much stronger than just friendship. Now they were going to have a baby, their child.
“Lena, no matter what could have happened” she reached hands to hold hers “I would never blame you and I would never leave you alone. You’re my best friend and I know you’d never do anything to hurt me or the baby, it being my ex boyfriend’s or not.”
“Did you love him?” she asked carefully, looking away. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.
“I don’t know” she said, sincere “you know when you love the idea you created of someone? When your conception and imagination make something bigger than it really is?” Lena nodded, completely agreeing, in her life most people were better in her head. Lex was, in her thoughts, a sweet and attentious boy but he turned out so different and all she loved about him now was the idea she had created all those years “that’s how I feel.”
“I’m sorry” she partly smiled “and thank you for being here.”
“I wouldn’t leave you, Lena, you’re not alone” she intertwined her fingers with hers, her heart racing “that’s what friends are for, right?”
“Right, that's what friends are for.”
Chapter 3: It wasn't my choice (and it hurts)
Hello everybody, here's chapter three. Enjoy!
The hot sun that Saturday morning was driving Lena crazy and she was about to break down. Her skin was more sensitive, due to what she had eaten before, her body was swollen and the dress she had chosen a week before, for the opening party of the new support center for families that struggle with childhood cancer, didn’t look half as good now. It was hell on earth. She couldn’t concentrate like she did before or breathe without sweating rivers, even though she wasn’t under the sun. She desperately needed an air conditioner and fresh clothes. Who did she have to bribe to go home? It was all Lena wanted, her emotions were so shaken with everything happening that she almost gave up and sat down on a chair and cried.
Her chest felt so heavy that all Lena did was crying and stressing.
She had to remain pleasant and amiable, everyone was counting on the CEO to recover the name of the company and make good use of the power it had. She couldn't ruin all her plans only because she became a sensitive and emotionally unstable pregnant woman. So, Lena took a deep breath, drank about four glasses of water, went to the bathroom and washed her face, and went back to her post. A crowd was waiting for her on the other side, expecting to hear her speech about the investments, plans, and developments on L"Corp’s technological area. She wished internally that no one would notice the sweatiness, and was counting down the minutes to go back to bed, she was in no shape to go back to work today. For the first time in her life, Lena just wanted to go home.
“Miss Luthor, how do you intend to work with science in a field where research is theoretically overdriven?”, one of the reporters asked. Her mind wandered off thinking none of those reporters were Kara.
“Overdriven or not, each of one them are important, and even though some theses are similar and some hypotheses are the same, each research and development of it is different”, she answered politely. “L-Corp is engaged with various scientists that are currently trying to use new resources for treating cancer that isn’t so aggressive and is more efficient.”
“What are the downsides of lead, that were dispersed into the atmosphere to prevent the invasion, could affect us human beings?”, a girl asked. “Did you, Miss Luthor, think of that before putting everyone at risk?”
Not that subject, she thought to herself. her stomach complained and she felt her body weaken from staying under that sun. Her hands were cold and her throat could almost feel that disgusting juice from her stomach going up. Don’t think about it Lena, she repeated to herself.
“The lead I’ve used does not bring any harm to humans”, she explained, taking a deep breath before continuing, “each step was carefully planned and thought out.”
“Was it your brother who created the device?”, someone yelled.
“Did Lex have other plans to kill the daxamites?”, another one continued.
“Miss Luthor, what makes you different from your brother? Was that a premeditated genocide?”. That was the last straw. Lena felt she was about to pass out any time soon.
Before she could ask for help, an explosion threw cars towards where the interviews were happening. Chaos made everyone run on the contrary direction and the screams were deafening. Another explosion, now on the opposite side, threw concrete bricks at those who were trying to escape. Lena felt herself panicking and her bodyguards immediately held her, taking her away as fast as they could. But, there was a third explosion, this it was right underneath the podium she was standing on and if would have killed her if she hadn’t moved seconds earlier
The entrance glass door broke down completely due to the impulse of the bomb, throwing smithereens everywhere, and towards the CEO. Two guards fell, still dizzy from the impact and deafened by the noise. Lena propped on the wall and, as she looked up, she saw an enormous shadow get closer and felt it was about to collide with her in seconds. The car thrown came to her direction in unbelievable speed, making her heart race and her hands instinctively moved to her belly, as if she was, somehow, trying to keep the little being growing there safe.
She prayed to any god that no harm was to happen to that baby
“Lena!” Supergirl screamed and only then she realized the colliding never happened. The guards were still on the ground and she was still standing in the same place. “Lena!” the blonde yelled as she put the vehicle down on the asphalt and flew to her.
Her sleeves were torn apart and her hair was covered in shattered glass. There was blood on her hands and that pushed her to the limit. Slowly, color vanished and her body was frozen. Her sight went dark for a few seconds making her lose her senses.
“Oh, Rao!” Kara picked her up and left the attack behind, she flew as fast as she could, contacting Alex through the hearing device “Alex!”
I copy, where are you heading?
“Wait for me in the medical area, it’s Lena”, she said, “send more agents to the hospital.”
Supergirl, you have to go back!
“Just do as I asked, please”, the agent didn’t insist, she knew nothing would change her sister’s mind. Nothing was capable of convincing Kara to do something she didn’t want to when it came to Lena Luthor.
Slowly, Lena was able to see the details of the bedroom she was in, she also felt a sting on her hand. The room was unknown, there was a bed by her side, where some lamps were placed and, from the other side of the grand glass door, she could see a hallway surrounded by grids and also an inferior floor. Where am I? She questioned in silence. Her body ached as she tried to sit, and only then she remembered the attack. The flashes came rapidly, making her feel anxious and nauseous.
“Hey, hey” Supergirl held her gently and grabbed a trash can, where Lena threw all her breakfast up. The Luthor took a deep breath, feeling her watery eyes and all the strength required from her body at that moment, she tried to calm down “I’m going to get you some water”, she pulled away quickly.
“Where am I?”, her voice was raspy and her throat burned, “What happened?”
“Here, drink this” the blonde offered the glass and Lena obeyed, she was in no shape to argue, “you’re safe, you passed out from stress.”
“I want to go home”, she suddenly tried to regain her posture and non existing strength. She couldn’t let her be so vulnerable, “where are my things?”
“Lena, I think it’s better if…”
“You don’t have to think anything, Supergirl”, she kept the harsh tone, “you did your job and I appreciate it, but I now want to leave. Where exactly am I?”
“The DEO” Alex answered, walking in “you don’t need to be so defensive, Luthor”, she smiled, “we only made sure you were safe until you woke up, no one is keeping you hostage.”
“That would be your dream, I suppose” she was sarcastic, one of her many defense mechanisms, “you’re all just waiting for that day.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth”, Alex continued and removed the serum connected to one of her hands.
“I don’t have to”, she talked back and massaged the aching hand, “I just want to leave.”
Lena got up with certain difficulty and Kara had to fight against the need to carry her again or at least offer help. After getting ready, she politely thanked them for their help and asked where the way out was. She had never been in the DEO, but she knew there was a secret department that dealt with extraterrestrial issues. It was also known to her that her best friend’s sister didn’t work for the FBI, something that always made her feel bad because Alex was lying to Kara. And Lena loathed lies. Although she knew that place was real, she never thought she would step foot in there.
But of course, they knew she was expecting the big and famous city’s superhero’s baby. And her baby, that wasn’t even born, was another one of their files and cases. As she realized that, her left hand moved to her belly and she clenched her jaw. No one was ever laying a finger in that child, let alone that secret organization that had their own rules and morals.
“Miss Luthor”, J’onn intercepted Lena and Supergirl in the middle of the hallways “I’m the DEO’s director, John”, he introduced himself as human, as he usually did.
“As interested as I am, I really don’t feel like socializing”, she answered, almost agonizing. What was wrong with those people? What was wrong with the universe that morning?
She should have listened to her interior self and stayed inside her house.
“I have been meaning to deal with some issues and you must work with us” he kept the inalterable serious tone “It is strictly necessary that we make some tests, so we know more about your pregnancy and your baby’s DNA. It is for your safety…”
“No” Kara placed herself in front of the CEO “c’mon, Lena” the other woman felt the superhero’s warm hand, hold hers and that made her whole body react. That was intimate, too intimate
“Supergirl, it isn’t your decision” J’onn repeated, “we have to take certain precautions.”
“This decision is also mine and no one is laying a finger on her!” she was resolute “I’m taking her home and I’ll be back so we can find out who was responsible for the attack.”
“You know something strange is happening, look at her clothes” he pointed at the torn sleeves “Ms. Luthor doesn’t have a scratch and we both know it wasn’t supposed to be this way” that was when Lena realized that indeed, she didn’t have a single scratch. The blood previously on her hands was probably from one of the guards.
“I have made my decision and I expect you to respect it” she kept her posture “I work with you and not for you. I’ll be back soon.”
The other agents were frightened, Kara was usually so sweet and gentle. To see her act that way was unusual and completely out of the blue. Even in the most dangerous and exhausting time the hero always tried to keep calm, always tried to keep herself together, and to think before speaking. Of course, when it came to Alex, things were a bit different. But none of them expect to see Supergirl step up for a Luthor against the DEO’s boss. And not one of them knew she was carrying her baby. Not yet.
Supergirl carried Lena in her arms to the apartment’s balcony and left her there, asking her to call Kara later. She was nervous because of J’onn’s attitude and also ashamed for saying everything in her mind without considering Lena’s opinions and thoughts. But even though she felt bad, if she had to, she would do it all again. There wasn’t much of a choice, Kara didn’t want the whole department dealing with her baby like it was a scientific experiment or a new weapon. Eliza and Jeremiah always protected her from that and always told her nobody could treat her differently, even though, deep down she was.
Before flying away, the CEO held her wrist, making her stop.
The blonde forced a weak smile, leaving a lot unsaid.
“Kara?” It was late in the afternoon on that awful Saturday and Lena didn’t expect a visit from her friend. But she had heard about the attack in the morning.
“Lena, I was so worried” she sighed “can I come in? I know I should have warned you… I, er… I just wanted to know how you were.”
“Of course” she moved out to make space “and I’m fine, no need for you to worry” she granted.
“I read that one of the bombs was underneath you” she stared at the other woman, blue eyes more intense than ever “you…you could’ve… I can’t even say it out loud…”
The Luthor understood what she meant, she didn’t want to think about the “what if’s”. It was too terrifying, imagine how many times she was near to death, to be arrested for something she wasn't guilty of, to lose her sanity. But, seeing the pain and worry inside those tender eyes always made her completely unarmed. Kara was the only one that acted like that with her, she showed up unannounced just to know if she had eaten or if she was okay.
“C’mon, sit down” she pulled her hand to the sofa and let her take a deep breath “I’m okay, nothing happened.”
I know… but…
"But nothing” she smiled tenderly “don’t think about what could have gone wrong. Can you do that for me?”
“I can” she was honest. She could do anything for her friend “Supergirl arrived right on time to avoid the worst.”
“Yes, as always” the atmosphere shifted “let’s not talk about her. Are you hungry?”
“Why do you avoid talking about Supergirl?” she asked, hesitantly, “I thought… I thought you liked her.”
“I admire her, Kara” she admitted “she’s a good friend, even though we're not intimate enough for me to say something like that. But she and I are just that, I’m not going to change her whole life only because I’m expecting her baby, she’s this city’s hero” she sighed “Supergirl has other priorities, a private life which I am not part of. So I’m not treating this subject like we have something in common besides work.”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit… unfair?” Kara was careful with her words “not that I’m saying this is fair to you because it isn’t, but she is only trying to understand and make this less… worse, I think…”
“I know I can be a little too hard on her, I admit it” she searched for her friend’s hands and held them “I promise you to rethink this, okay?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry if I crossed any lines” she smiled softly “I just want… I just want it to be okay. She asked me to give you this” she showed a small folded paper “and said it’s for you to open it when you’re alone.”
“Right,” she smiled “I’ll do it later. We can order pizza and potstickers that I know you like, what do you think?” changing the subject completely, to something she knew her friend couldn’t resist.
“Who are you and what have you done to my friend?” she teased “are you sure you’re not trying to convince me to eat a pizza full of broccoli?”
“Don’t say that out loud” Lena placed her head between her hands “only hearing that word makes me sick “
“Say what now?” the blonde almost jumped from the sofa
“Seedy here is taking away the best things in my life, Kara” she said, dramatic ”they don’t even let me eat my cereal bars.”
“It’s because it sucks” she made a funny face “okay, pizza and Jiaozi” she took her phone out of the pocket and immediately ordered it via iFood “don’t worry Seedy, I won’t let her feed you any of those disgusting things, I promise you” Kara whispered, holding herself back from touching her friend’s belly. Lena felt it when her friend almost touched her.
“You and they are not allying against me” she ignored the situation, not knowing how to deal with the fact someone was making this more real now “can’t handle two Karas.”
“I'm sorry but Seedy and I are best friends now” she smirked.
“I knew I’d lose your friendship in time.”
“What?” she was startled “Lena, no” she got closer to her friend and held her hands “of course not, I’m not replacing you for anyone.”
“I’m kidding, Kara,” she laughed it off “movie?”
“My pick!” she shouted “drama, action, comedy, or…”
“I trust you” she shrugged “but nothing too dramatic, I have been crying for any reason.”
“It’s the hormones, I…” she felt herself blushing while scrolling through Netflix “I...er… I read it in a book.”
“A book? What happened to the app?” she arched her brows finding all of that very entertaining. It was like her friend was that child’s other mom.
“It’s on my phone but I was curious about… about everything else” she coughed, nervously “The Proposal, how do you like it?”
“Being a rom-com, it’s fine” Kara nodded and pressed play. She went back to the sofa, took off her shoes, and lay down, resting her head in her friend’s lap, like they always did on movie nights “Can I let your hair down?”
“Uhum” she whispered. Lena took off the elastic and sunk her fingers in those soft blonde waves. Caressing her hair was always relaxing for both of them “I was thinking… uh, tomorrow is game night” she turned to face the Luthor “I wanted you to come…”
“I’m not sure if it’s a good idea” she remembered the way J’onn had treated her earlier that day like she was a scientific project. What if Alex thought the same? What if she wanted to know more about the baby? Her heart suddenly raced and her body tensed.
“Lena - the blonde reached for the hands in her hair and held them - I’ll be there and if you don’t want to go, that’s okay, I won’t be upset” she could hear every frightened heartbeat inside the other woman’s chest and the last thing she wanted was Lena to be nervous.
“Right, I’ll think about it” Kara nodded and they both went back to watching the movie.
It didn't take long for the food to arrive and Lena swallowed three impressive pizza slices, along with some potstickers. Kara didn’t lose the opportunity to tell her friend she was loving the whole ‘eat a lot’ phase, she enjoyed seeing her eat freely, instead of thinking and calculating everything going in her mouth. The Luthor always tried to keep her appetite under control, maintaining a healthy and controlled ‘diet’. Diet between quotation marks because the blonde insisted on saying that skipping meals wasn’t a diet, it was insanity.
But any kind of diet in any way seemed like a step to craziness to the kryptonian.
They went back to the sofa and put on a random Friend’s episode as soon as the movie ended. Kara was still laying on her friend’s lap and the CEO kept caressing her hair, observing the goosebumps crawl on the blonde’s neck when her fingers stroke the hair a bit harsher, and the way she would silently whimper when her nails touched the nape of her neck. It’s a sensitive area, she thought. What other areas could be sensitive too? No, she shouldn’t think about it, she couldn’t think about it, no while her friend was lying between her legs, all attention to the television.
God, she was aroused. Damn time to feel it. Lena took a deep breath and looked down to find her friend’s relaxed face, her eyes closed. The little Danvers had fallen asleep and she thanked the heavens for that. She sneaked out of the sofa as silently as she could, trying not to wake her, turned off the tv, and went to grab a blanket for the blonde. Smiling, Lena wished her a quiet goodnight and headed off to her bedroom, still thinking of ways to calm her stubborn and hot body. She turned the air conditioner on, although it was a cold night, and lay down.
Before closing her eyes, she took the small folded paper she had put on her pocket and opened it. Her heart wasn’t able to deal with those two words and her mind wandered off to when the superhero had been embarrassed about the way she had defended her that morning.
“El marayah. Stronger together”
Even though it was Sunday and she had woken feeling she had only two hours of sleep, Lena decided to put some L-Corp work behind, she felt guilty for not working on Saturday and she also wanted to contact her lawyer as soon as possible. When she got up that morning, she was already gone and left a little note on the carefully folded blanket, saying that Alex had called, needing help with something from the apartment. She also asked for Lena to think with love about game night. She answered immediately, confirming her presence in that event, although she knew she was going to be extremely uncomfortable, for she didn’t know anyone. Winn was a nice boy, but what else did she know about him? Maggie, she didn’t really want to think about that one. Alex was an incognito and James, well, the only thing she knew about him was the fact he had dated her best friend.
Which was enough reason to hold a thousand grudges against the lad.
Anyway, what else could she do? She was never able to say no to her friend when she was pouting. If Supergirl thought she was so strong and powerful, it was because she had never felt the power of Kara’s pout when she wanted to convince Lena of something. Leaving all that aside, she rushed to the bathroom and got ready for work. More than that, she had given more thought about “Seedy’s other mom” and she wanted to resolve some things and put an end to some things left unsaid. She called her driver and arrived at her office right before 8 A.M.
The hours passed by and she was able to do a lot of things, organizing some meetings due next month, reading and signing a few documents, and finally answering all her unread emails. Well, not all of them. When her stomach roared, Lena remembered two things she still had to do. Calling her lawyer was the first, and so she scheduled a meeting after lunch, she wanted to get all this situation done, so she could feel lighter. The other thing was talking to Supergirl, so she pressed the small device the hero had given her after one of the attacks. She didn’t remember which. There were so many.
In a matter of minutes - or maybe seconds? - the blond landed in her balcony, with the same posture and beauty as usual.
“Is something wrong? What happened” she got in alarmed.
“No, Supergirl, nothing happened” she laughed at the irony of the situation “I called you because I want to talk”
“Oh,” her face frowned a bit as she relaxed. Lena wasn’t in danger “okay, right.”
“Sit down” she pointed to the iconic white couch “can I get you something to drink? Water or whiskey?”
“I don’t drink” she answered, sitting down.
“Funny, me either” Lena rolled her eyes and the hero frowned “disadvantages of being pregnant.”
“Thank you” she took the glass of water “this is what you want to talk about right?”
“Firstly, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted a few days ago” she sighed “I know I took out my frustrations at you and I don’t like that fact.”
“And secondly” she raised her finger and interrupted “you’re going to let me finish without interrupting” the blonde nodded, tightening her grip on the glass in her hands “I get that neither of us chose this situation. It was a big mistake and misunderstanding. I don’t know a thing about your personal life, much less if you wished to be a mother and that doesn’t matter because I would never be an option for parenting your child” she infatuated “I can imagine how uncomfortable it must be for a Super to now Luthor is carrying their child” the kryptonian almost intervened but held herself back. You should never upset a pregnant woman, that’s what she had read “that’s why I’m here, to tell you I have made my choice. This is as surprising and uncomfortable for you as it is for me, and I will take the necessary measures on my own. I’m sorry if you were expecting to be involved or to help in any way, but this is my body and those are my rules” she sighed “but I won’t push you away.”
“You won’t?” she stared at her, filled with hope.
“No, and not only because I know we’ll always end up meeting each other, one way or another” she explained “I noticed the way you stood up for me at the DEO, that’s how I know you care. So, as long as you respect my final decision, I’m willing to let you come by to know how the pregnancy is going, to make sure the baby is okay, and if you want to, you may see the ultrasound images.”
“Really?” the blond’s face enlightened. It was all she wanted, even if she was a little disappointed with Lena’s decision. That was her chance to convince Lena to change her mind, as Kara and as Supergirl.
“Yes, but you have to keep in mind that this child won’t be mine or yours, we won’t be mothers and we won’t see it growing after it’s born” she repeated “but I’ll make sure it has the best family and ministration.”
“It’s enough for me” she smiled against her will “and I’m sorry… about J’onn. He is just… I don’t know, it’s complicated” she grimaced
“Doesn’t matter” Lena lied and took the ultrasound images out of her purse, handing them to Supergirl “I won’t go back to that place.”
“I can hear it” the blue in her eyes shone as she looked through the pictures again “I can hear her heart.”
“You can?” she was thrown off. She knew about Supergirl’s super-hearing but she didn’t think it was like that “Her?”
“Seedy” she said and instantly regretted it. Shit “Kara… she, uhm, she told me.”
“Oh, well, I see” she sighed thinking of her best friend “ she is very excited about this, and I’m scared she will be hurt when all of this is over, I mean.”
“She will understand” Kara lied, she wasn’t going to give up so easily.
“I hope so” she took back the images and put them away “thank you for dropping by and for respecting my choices.”
“You don’t have to thank me” she got up and they walked back to the balcony “and Lena, thank you for everything. Even though you think you wouldn’t make a good mother, you’re already being a great one.”
She thanked her in silence and watched as the hero took off to the sky. Took a deep breath. She couldn’t let anyone change her mind.
After leaving the lawyer’s office, the CEO found herself in a deep state of agonizing stress. She didn’t think the conversation would go like that, in her mind, she was sure she would be breathing in relief, not despair. To make things worse, her stomach was still complaining in hunger, and so she remembered she hadn’t had lunch yet. She looked at the clock and saw it had already passed six, which means Kara would arrive in less than fifteen minutes to pick her up for the game night. Hell. Why did she agree to it? All she wanted was to go home, take a long shower, and get rid of those uncomfortable clothes. She didn’t what was bothering her the most that weekend but she sure wasn’t in a good mood.
As she predicted, Kara arrived just as she finished organizing paper on and around the table. The blonde helped her clean the room and so Lena called the driver, unable to maintain a productive conversation with the other woman. Her head was flying far, her thought bothered her and she wanted to forget that conversation with the lawyer, her life was confusing and complicated enough. Kara noticed her friend’s silence and respected it, Lena always kept a smile and good mood for appearances, even when she didn't feel like that, so seeing her so down made her think about the conversation earlier, when she was Supergirl.
Everyone was laying around the little Danver’s cozy apartment, laughing and chatting, while Alex opened many pizza and potstickers boxes. Of course, that was the meal of the night, Lena wasn’t even expecting something different. Her stomach complained one more time and her hand traveled down to her belly, whispering “wait a little longer” as if she was trying to calm someone down. That small action didn’t go unnoticed by the redhead, but she decided to stay silent. The blonde guided her friend to her bedroom and the CEO didn’t quite understand why then Kara pointed out some cleans clothes on top of the bed and she understood what Kara was trying to do.
“I want you to be comfortable” she explained softly “if you need anything you can ask me, Lena, I mean it.”
“Thank you” she smiled, feeling a bit guilty for not feeling so excited “will you wait for me?”
“Of course” the kryptonian sat down and waited, smiling as she saw Lena leaving the bathroom in a summer dress. Her eyes couldn’t avert Lena’s beauty, the way she was able to look miraculously amazing in anything, literally anything.
“Do I look bad?” Lena asked, once her friend didn’t say a thing.
“No!” she jumped out of the bed “I mean… It’s good...er, well… beautiful. You look beautiful”
“Thanks” she was honest “I think the last time I’ve worn an All Star I was like sixteen.”
“It’s never too late to go back to old habits” she joked “shall we?” Kara reached her hand out and Lena intertwined their fingers.
They went back to the living room and James and Winn were arguing about whether they should play Scotland Yard or Clue, although they were both about crime and mystery. It didn’t make much of a difference. Maggie was sitting in one of the armchairs, Alex in her lap and a beer in her hand. As they saw the two of them arriving they all smiled and called them to join in. Kara took two slices of pizza and offered one to Lena, who promptly accepted, for she was about to pass out of starvation
“Beer?” Maggie offered and Alex punched her arm, reminding her, not so discreetly, that Lena wasn’t drinking “Ouch!”
“No, thank you” she smiled with sympathy. Okay, the latina had arrested her some time ago but she couldn’t take it personally. Sawyer was just doing her job.
“Kara gave you a slice of pizza?” Winn asked, impressed “what kind of magic have you performed?” he turned to Lena
“Shut up, Winn” Alex threw a pillow at him “leave the Luthor alone.”
“A Luthor that doesn’t drink” James commented “impressively different.”
“Should I believe you have a complete manual with detailed descriptions of the rules on how to behave like a Luthor, Mr. Olsen?” Lena arched her brows and stared at him.
“You are all so annoying” the redhead sighed “are we playing or not?”
“I’m grabbing more beer, I’m cool with whatever you guys decide” the latina got up and made her way to the kitchen.
“I’m sorry” the blonde whispered to Lena, who smiled softly “if you want to…”
“Kara, it’s okay” she reassured, reaching for her hand “I’m here for you.”
After they calmed down, they decided the game of the night was going to be Clue, simply because it was less complicated and lasted longer than Scotland Yard. The characters were chosen, cards were given and the game’s secret was hidden inside its envelope. And so the rounds went, the competition was fierce between Maggie, Lena, and Alex. The three of them were incredibly good and extremely competitive. Little by little, the clues were being revealed and Kara was still contemplative about the nature of the crime, James was trying his best to gather all the information he had, and Winn, well, he barely knew what he was doing.
“It was Colonel Mustard, in the library with the dagger” Alex guessed and everyone stared at each other doubtfully. The redhead always won that game.
“Is someone else guessing?” James asked curiously
“I think it was Mrs. white, in the kitchen with the hammer” Sawyer smiled to her bride and stared at each other, defying one another. They loved to challenge each other.
“And I quit” Winn sighed “why can’t I ever win this game?”
“That’s because you’re too smart, my friend” James teased and everyone laughed “Kara?”
“Whatever Lena says, I say the same” she said quickly and James arched his brows.
“That’s not how you play little Danvers” Maggie pointed out “It’s an individual game, you can’t do that.”
“Kara” Lena pulled her friend closer and whispered something to her ear, making the blonde nod in agreement “Got it?” the blonde nodded again and they exchanged paper underneath the table, trying to fool the rest of them.
“That’s not fair!” Schott pointed to the Luthor “you’re a plot and that’s not fair!”
“I’m guessing!” Kara nearly screamed “It was Mrs. Scarlett, in the garden with the knife” she shone a victorious smile.
And wasn’t let down. Kara won the game and Winn went back to complaining, groaning that what happened was wrong. But the blonde affirmed in every way she could that she had gotten to that conclusion by herself, showing him her notes. Lena just kept quiet, knowing that just making her friend happy, made herself happy as well. After James suggested they should play again, the CEO excused herself saying she was going to take the leftovers to the kitchen as an excuse to breathe, alone. She likes being there, even if not all of them liked her, but it was good to have some time away from work, away from her thoughts that every now and then came back to haunt her.
“Please” she murmured, hand in her belly “let’s not eat anything else tonight, okay?” she gently caressed the dress “we still have seven months and two weeks, you don’t need to eat everything all at once…”
“Talking to yourself?” Alex walked in the kitchen with a pair of empty bottles in hand.
“Alex!” she quickly removed her hand from her belly, placing it on her chest “you scared me.”
“Relax, Luthor” she smiled “It’s normal to talk to your belly during pregnancy” Lena felt her cheeks burn “and don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, just like I won’t tell them I saw you pass your notes to my sister underneath the table earlier” she teased “and anyway, James and Winn don’t know a thing and the only reason Maggie knows is that Kara was worried about you after yesterday.”
“Why are you doing this?” Lena frowned “I know you don’t like me, you don’t have to pretend.”
“You almost hurt me with this attitude, almost” she teased again “I never said I didn’t like you. Yes, I misjudged you in the beginning and for that, I apologize, but I can be a bit protective of Kara and that one had been hurt too many times by people she shouldn’t have trusted” she explained “and Luthor as a last name threw me off too.”
“Well, it’s not like it’s a surprise.” she sighed. She was thankful for the other’s sincerity
“Yes, but you’re not a surname and are much less your brother” Alex pointed out “if you could let my mistakes behind and forgive me, I’d be very grateful.”
“I forgive you” she turned her face, looking at Kara laughing in the living room “I think I’m going to go home.”
“I know you care for her and this situation leaves you on edge” Alex kept going “but why won’t you let yourself relax a bit? You don’t have to keep your posture 24/7 or be the strongest woman in the world, Lena.”
“I just want this to end” her eyes teared up, she quickly shook her head “I’m sorry, I’ve been pretty nervous and stressed these days.”
“ Look, I may not understand what is going on in your smart head right now” the redhead carefully got closer and placed a hand in her shoulder “ but just breath, deep breaths, take a lot of those. Kara may be your best friend but she doesn’t have to be the only one, think about it” she smiled. The Luthor was not expecting that.
“Thank you” she was truly grateful “but I’m heading off, I had a long day.”
“I’ll call my sister” the agent walked away and so Lena wondered if maybe she had also misjudged the other woman.
“You didn’t need to come with me, Kara” the CEO repeated for the thousand times.
When she told her friend she was leaving, her legs were hurting and she desperately needed a shower, so the little Danvers promptly volunteered to accompany her to the apartment. She was feeling a little bad, thinking her friends crossed some lines or that Lena was feeling uncomfortable but didn’t want to say anything. So she decided to ignore the fact she was leaving her friends behind in her apartment and also leaving aside the fact that this was till game night, she followed the Luthor, not caring if they would complain. Alex didn’t say a thing, she knew that when it was about Kara and Lena, every argument was a lost cause.
None of them said anything on the way. Lena was sleepy and tired, she was also feeling guilty for ruining her friend’s game night. But what could she do? Kara was very stubborn. The driver parked just as the clock hit 10 P.M. They went up the elevator together, Lena was still in the little Danver’s clothes, which made the doorman shoot her a funny look and compliment her. A compliment that almost made her cry. People were hardy kind to her, so hearing “you should wear this color more often, Miss Luthor, it really highlights your beautiful eyes” with such gentleness, she wanted to cry.
The apartment was swallowed in darkness, as she walked in, Lena took off her shoes and left them aside. Kara was still following her quietly, fidgeting with her fingers and sighing a little too loud. She didn’t know what to say, but she surely didn’t want her friend to suffer in silence. Something was happening and it was upsetting her.
“Lena, are… are you okay?” Kara asked hesitantly, she didn’t want to cross boundaries “you don’t look okay.”
“I…” she sighed. It was hard to look at her concerned face and she couldn’t bear to see her friend sad “I will be fine, I just need some time.”
“What happened today?” the hero raised her head to see her eyes “did someone… say something?”
“I had a meeting with my lawyer” she confessed, walking towards the kitchen and grabbing two small water bottles “and it didn’t go as I planned.”
“Was it about the adoption?” they sat down “what did he say?”
“I wanted to solve at least one part of this… mess” she sighed “I asked him to bring everything I had to sign and know about secretive adoption, to make sure nothing would go wrong, but…” she took a sip of water before continuing. She really didn’t want to cry again.
“It’s okay” the blonde murmured and held her friend’s hands.
“He asked me to wait more time, at least until the seventh month,” she explained, feeling a little bit of anger “he told me it was too soon, that I might change my mind and want to keep the child. He said it’s very common for it to happen because most women get too involved with the pregnancy and end up loving the child when it’s born.”
“And do you think… er, you think you might change your mind?” she asked, hopeful.
“I can’t, Kara” she confessed “I don’t… I don’t want to, I can’t.”
“Why not?” Kara insisted. It was hard for her to understand why Lena was resisting something so intense and beautiful as a pregnancy. “Why not, Lena?”
“Because I can’t!, because I don’t want to!” she screamed harshly, tears running freely through her face.
“Lena, what is going on?” Kara sighed “please let me help you, please...let me inside these walls you have built around yourself.”
“I need to be alone” she put an end to the conversation and got up “please, Kara.”
“Fine” she said, feeling her tears fall. They walked to the door in silence and Lena felt more than bad for fighting with her.
They stared at each other for a few minutes, each one standing on one side of the door until the CEO pulled her friend to a hug. She hated that situation and hated even more what her life was turning out to be. Kara held her tight and inhaled the known sweet perfume the Luthor had. Her favorite smell. Her favorite person.
“I’m so sorry for this” Lena whispered and the blonde held her even tighter.
“I don’t care what you say” she said softly “I’m not leaving, okay?” she nodded and smiled “Goodnight, Lena.”
“Goodnight, Kara.” and closed the door.
She took off her clothes slowly in the bathroom, letting the pieces of cloth fall one by one on the cold floor. Lena felt pain as she stared at herself in the mirror. Her body would change, just like her life was changing and she hated changes. She hated not knowing what to do, not having control of anything, not even of her own body. She could, of course, simply go to a clinic and fix it, get an abortion and it then everything would go back to normal. There would be no pregnancy and no one to question her choices and fears. But, what about her conscience? How could she sleep knowing she had put an end to someone’s life with such ease? As much as science said it was just a fetus or embryo, it wasn’t that simple for Lena.
For Heaven’s sake, she could hear their heartbeat just like she could hear her own. Alive. She had nothing against who had the guts to do it. Lena admired them, as a little girl she had always seen women facing choices and matters where no options were simple and easy. Nowadays, just like the past, no woman would have an easy way out. They were forced to face sexisms, sexualization, and even discrimination for being more susceptible to emotional moments, as they were capable of getting pregnant when it should be the other way around. Each woman should be loved and more, be respected for all the responsibilities they had to manage on their own. They should be praised. Then no, she had nothing against them.
Her sight fell to her breasts and she felt them up, feeling her skin bristle and instantaneously respond to the action. It had been a while since someone had touched her sexually and intensely, and she wondered if one day anybody would desire her again. Her hands traced down through the naked stomach and caressed the area where the uterus hid behind, feeling the softness of her own skin. And cried. Cried because it pained her to not know what would happen from now on. Soon she wouldn’t have that abdomen, or these breasts, or these hips. Sooner or later, Lena would have to get used to the changes and accept them, because that was the only option.
She sobbed and closed her eyes. She had to remain calm, take deep breaths. That’s when her phone rang and the tension of the moment vanished. She reached for her phone and frowned in hesitancy, unknown number.
“Yes?” she answered the call, rapidly washing her face and looking for her bath oil.
“Lena, it’s Alex” she heard the familiar voice on the other side “I hope you don’t mind, I asked my sister for your number.”
“Did she get home fine?” she asked in concern.
“Yes, she went to bed already” the other woman explained “everyone dished after you two left and Maggie and I, well… doesn’t matter.”
“I’m sorry for ruining your night” Lena said, upset. She had ruined many people’s nights.
“Don’t worry about it” the redhead sighed “I wanted to know if you’d like to… go out. My night wasn’t the best after they left and I think I need to drink something stronger.”
“You do know I’m not drinking, right?” she commented. What could have possibly happened in that meantime? There had barely been three hours since she had left the place.
“I said I need something strong, you can drink water or soda, I don’t know” Alex said, nervous, she didn’t know what to say or how to act around ‘new’ friends.
“Okay” how could she say no to her best friend’s sister? “did Kara say anything after she arrived?” she wanted to make sure the other woman didn’t know something else. She didn’t want to argue with more people.
“No, why?” her tone went up “did you two had a fight?”
“No…” she lied “I’m just… going to take a shower. Where do we meet?”
“I’ll message you the address” Alex confirmed in relief “see you soon.”
Lena hung up and sighed. What had her life become?
Lena thanked God for the place Alex decided to meet, it wasn’t strange or loud, she definitely couldn’t bear loud music. They chose a back table, farther from other people, the CEO noticed most of them were aliens. This fact made her body tense and alert, feeling threatened. No alien was a fan of her last name or her family in general, what if they recognized her? It would be a terrible mess, the sort of stress she was desperately trying to avoid. However, Alec assured her that nothing bad was going to happen and that no one there was looking for conflict. They all wanted the same thing: to drown their problems in alcohol.
“Have we come here to drink and stare at the green guy trying to play pool?” Lena asked in sarcasm, making the redhead roll her eyes.
“I bet you twenty bucks he will hit one of the tables over there” she pointed to the right.
“Deal” she gambled “but seriously, what are we doing here?”
“Does your life need a script and reason for everything?” Alex questioned before swallowing another shot of tequila. The Luthor wasn’t familiar with that side of the agent and was starting to get worried.
“It doesn’t, but I like to be in control of the facts.”
“Control” she laughed, ironic “seems scary, doesn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” Lena frowned, taking a sip of the soda she had ordered.
“Knowing precisely what is going to happen in your life, leaving your days like they are a project where each detail has been studied, calculated, and programmed” Alex sighed “aren’t you scared you’ll never feel things again? I mean, how can you be surprised, be happy to hear unexpected news or to be accepted into college, or even hearing the yes from the person you love” Lena got quiet, thoughtful “aren’t you ever tired of always being in control, being alert, always trying to keep things right?”
Those words hit her guts hard, she was quick to answer
“I don’t know a thing about coincidences or randomnesses, or even about surprises” Lena laughed at herself. Being pregnant was the biggest surprise she had had in her twenty five years of life, besides Lex going insane “all my life was programmed after Lionel took me home. I had the same teachers as my brother, the same expectations, the same plans, same colleges, same priorities. The two only surprises and unexpected events of my life were Lex and this pregnancy.”
“You know, you don’t have to face this subject like it’s a bad thing” she said in a serious tone “but I get it, actually, I just get it superficially. I don’t understand, I’ve never been through this.”
“How am I supposed to face it, then?” she asked curiously, heart almost beating out of her chest “how am I supposed to deal with the biggest change I could ever be through? “ Lena raised her voice.
“Hey, I’m not here to tell you what you should do” she pointed out “you’re like me, Lena, don’t think we’re too different” Alex laughed, her sobriety was questionable.
“What do you mean?”
“We both built a huge wall of bulletproof glass around ourselves” she pushed the glasses away and sighed “you know how to care, how to be affectionate, how to speak softly with how you love and treats you well like it is programmed like we had been trained to be like that since we were children, but the truth is that we don’t allow ourselves to feel” she turned her eyes to the clumsy alien by the pool table “it’s how we protect ourselves. You do it all, interact and smile, but you’re on one side of the wall, while others live freely and smile from the outside. At the end of the day, you’re alone and you know that nothing hit you, no one hurt you and nothing made you feel alive.”
Lena didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even know how to react. Alex looked as vulnerable as her, almost drunk, and surrendered. But her words were too real, too sharp and they hit deep. It was almost like the redhead really knew her, knew her too well.
“When I realized I was in love with Maggie I thought it was wrong” she kept going “I fought against it, I even tried to convince myself otherwise, tried to change my mind about my ‘new’ sexuality” Alex laughed ironically “do you know how afraid I was?” Lena shook her head “Maggie made me step out of this glass dome, she helped me understand that I didn’t have to, that I don’t have to keep myself from feeling.”
“I’m scared of feeling” Lena whispered, warm salted tears running through her cheeks “I’m scared of what I’d be capable of if I feel something.”
“It’s terrifying” she confirmed “especially when you don’t have a choice, you have to leave because someone broke down those walls.
“My body was the only thing that belonged to me, Alex” she sobbed “the only thing no one had any power over or had tried to break through. My mom always ruled over what I had to eat, read, study, do and my father didn’t even pay attention. Lex always tried to see my side but in the end, he went insane and tried to convince me to do the same, without even caring if I wanted to, or not. Nothing in my life was ever mine and when I realized I could have a little bit of control, I started calculating and predicting every step I’d take. Alex, my body was always mine, even when everything had gone wrong at least I still belonged to myself. At the end of the day, I could stare at a mirror and know that at least that wasn’t taken away from me” she cleaned her face and tried to breathe “and now…”
“And now it was violated” Alex whispered, aware of the weight of those confessions.
“How can I accept everything to be taken away from me?” the question was much more to herself than for the other woman “how can I…”
“Look at me” the green eyes met the brown and there was a flash of peace for one moment “you don’t have to accept it, you don’t have to let anyone take what’s yours by right. But accepting isn’t agreeing, accepting isn’t saying that what they did was right. Lena, this child isn’t coming to strip you away from your body” Alex continued “it is coming to remind you that it belongs only to you and that you’re capable of amazing things like creating life. It will make you realize you’re not alone and that you don’t have to ever be again, it will show you your body can be healed. From the inside to outside. Allow yourself to feel, Lena, let your heart rest” she reached for the Luthor’s hands and held them “you don’t have to leave your glass dome, but you have to realize there’s somebody inside, with you.”
Instinctively, she released one of her hands and stroked her belly, trying to feel something. Anything. What could all that mean? What would that change do to her routine, concepts, opinions, and plans? “Wait until the seventh month and then we’ll talk” it’s what her lawyer had said. She had been angry, enraged for not being able to do things her way.
“Have you ever been loved unconditionally?” Lena shook her head no “has anyone ever seen you as their whole world? Their reason to live? Has someone ever relied on you to keep living and still kept loving you?” she shook her head again “That’s what you’re going to feel. You may think your body is all you have but for this baby, you are all it has at this moment. Think about it.”
With her hand still on her belly, Lena closed her eyes and cried. Feeling hurt and allowing herself to do so hurt even more. But maybe…maybe it wouldn’t hurt forever
Chapter 4: I'm not human (but I can fall apart)
Here's chapter 4, hope you enjoy it!
“Alex?” Kara was startled as she found her sister sleeping on the couch on a Monday morning. Not that it was unusual, but most of the time Alex warned her before coming or at least let her know.
“Speak low and turn off those lights” she groaned, grumpy, and pulled a pillow to her face, sighing “turn off the lights, please.”
“It’s morning, Alex” the blonde crossed her arms and stared at her “and there are no lights on, besides the sunlight.”
“Shit!” she groaned again and sat up. She had to work, either way, had to go home, get changed before heading to the DEO “damn, you look awful” she commented, noticing her sister’s swollen eyes and exhausted face.
“Thanks, you look beautiful too” Kara groaned, sitting down next to her “why are you here? Did something happen?”
“I should ask you the same” Alex frowned “you don’t look well, what is going on?”
“Don’t change the subject” both of them were trying to change the subject.
“I’m the oldest, so spill” Alex never got tired of using the same tactic “c’mon, you know you can trust me.”
“Right” she sighed, barely knowing how to begin “I… Lena and I… shoot” Kara closed her eyes, remembering the night before “we kind of had an argument, it wasn’t a… fight, I think” she bit her lips “I don’t know, Alex, I just… wanted to help, to make her feel better or something like that, but… I can’t… I…”
“Take a deep breath” she stroke her sister’s shoulders “tell me what happened.”
“She wanted to get the adoption papers ready” Kara pouted “but her lawyer told her to wait until the seventh month because she could change her mind. And I asked her... if…”
“She could change her mind” Alex nodded in silence “I see.”
“Lena said she needed to be alone and she… she sent me away” she sighed, fighting the tears urging to come “and that… hurt, a lot.”
Alex took a deep breath and tried to absorb that confiding. It wasn’t simple and much less easy to mediate that situation, especially because she had never been through that or seen someone face something similar to it. Kara was her sister and she would do anything to help her, but the things Lena had told her weren’t hers to share. They had to talk and tell each other how they felt, instead of running away and hiding.
“Kara, dear, listen” she ignored the migraine in her head, also called hungover, and stared at those always so pretty blue eyes “I know you love your friend very much, I know that seeing her like that pains you, and I also know that you don’t fully understand her.” the blond frowned. Alex was speaking greek to her “Lena has been through many things, things that you won’t ever know unless she tells you. You must understand that pregnancy doesn’t always bring happy feelings and moments” Alex explained “try to treat Lena with more patient, more understanding, and even with more love. I know, it’s complicated, but maybe you’re thinking too much about the child and forgetting who’s carrying it” she smiled fondly “be patient, Kara.”
“It’s so hard for me to understand and I swear I’m trying” she sobbed “just wanted… wanted to show her she’d not alone and she doesn’t have to be” Kara confided in distress “it hurts me so much, Alex, more than… kryptonite” that caught the redhead off guard.
“Tell her the truth, Kara” Alex hugged her sister, letting her cry on her shoulder. It crushed her heart to see her so broken
“I can’t, I can’t” she tightened her arms on the other woman’s waist “I can’t…”
“Why not?” she murmured.
“Because I can’t lose her, I can’t risk everything and…” Kara sobbed “and I…” her chest ached and she could feel her emotions getting out of control “that would be…:
“Kara, deep breaths…” she placed a gentle kiss on the blonde hair. Alex had never seen her so desperate and hurt. It wasn’t normal, it wasn’t usual for that to happen.
“I have to go” she got up fast after hearing a siren pass by the neighborhood “I have… have to go and you need to work” the kryptonian cleaned her face quickly and ran to her bedroom.
“Kara…” Alex got up and the room spun. Fucking hungover “Kara, come back… you don’t have to…”
Too late. As she got to her sister’s bedroom she caught a glimpse of a cape flying through the window and disappeared through the buildings of the city. On the clock, it wasn’t even past seven in the morning and the young Danvers had already forgotten breakfast, another sign saying she wasn’t well. Completely unwell. The redhead sat back on the couch and sighed, she didn’t know how to help or how to counsel her sister, that situation was so absurd that even her brain was getting confused. Ignoring her thoughts, she decided to take a shower before leaving for the DEO.
Maybe a little action could help her relax while the world around her was falling apart
Supergirl distracted herself for some time before going back to the base and her mood still hadn’t improved. Winn tried to cheer her up, talking about things the blonde usually enjoyed and even said they could go buy donuts from her favorite bakery. But nothing happened. Kara was barely able to hold a conversation or keep focus in a dialogue. J’onn noticed the hero’s tiredness, mentally and psychologically. Alex, who arrived shot after she left the apartment, kept quiet and watched her sister vanish through those many corridors.
If dealing with bad guys and aliens was tough, dealing with two women who were watching their lives fall apart was tougher. No one could do a lot or say things that would make things just right. Kara was scared and unable to say it out loud, at least for now. Keeping things to herself was her defense mechanism and that didn’t always do her good. Usually, she did it to protect the people she loved, to keep them safe and sound, and then forgetting to take care of her own beating heart and tired body. But how could she put all the dread and distress out there? No one had ever taught her how just like no one had ever told her how much it hurts not knowing what to do.
That’s why Supergirl went somewhere she could find peace, even though she wouldn’t get any answers. However, she expected that perhaps her anger and pain would diminish, that they’d be at least bearable and would let her think straight. Being filled with anguish suffocated her, it burned her deep down and tore her skin from inside out. Like kryptonite. It ached and she wanted to scream. She needed to scream. Closing the door behind herself, the hero turned the rectangular dispositive in front of her on and it quickly showed the image of a woman dressed in blue, long black hair falling on her shoulders. Her mother.
“Anything you wish to ask Alura, you may ask me” the image repeated the same programmed sentence, and for a few seconds, the kryptonian asked herself what she was doing there.
“I wanted you to be honest” Kara murmured, voice shaking.
“Be more specific” the frozen and inexpressive image of her mother answered with the mechanic voice.
“Why did you leave me?” she sobbed “why didn’t you let me stay?”
“I am not programmed to answer this.”
“Why didn’t you tell me it would hurt this much?” she raised her voice “tell me how it’s like to give up on who you love, tell me if it hurt you when you gave up on me like it was nothing!”
“I do not have enough information to give you an answer,” it repeated.
“How can I give up the only part of me?” she screamed “how? Tell me, mom! How can I be strong and watch someone I love to get lost and hurt herself? Why didn’t you tell it would be like this?” Kara sobbed, feeling her body lose control again “Lena is all I have! This child is all that I have left of Krypton, how can I ever let it feel the same way I do?”
“I am not programmed to answer this.”
“I also feel pain, mom!” she screamed “I bleed too, I fall and I also have a heart that can break! You couldn’t… you couldn’t…” the hero fell on her knees and hid her face behind her hands. Everything was suffocating her “you couldn’t send me here, expecting me to be human when you knew I’d have powers… you didn’t have the right” she sobbed “the responsibility… it… it hurts me, hurts who I love and you… you just… I don’t want to be brave…”
“Kara!” Alex walked into the dim room and stared at the figure resembling Alura, standing still, silent and unbothered. As always. “oh, Kara…” she got down and quickly held her sister in her arms “shhh, it will be okay…”
“No, Alex, it won’t…” she hid her face in the other’s arm “I’m so scared and I don’t like feeling this way” she sobbed “I can’t be weak… I can’t lose everything again, Alex… I don’t…”
“You won’t, you won’t” Alex repeated “you won’t” and kissed her hair, letting her tears stream.
“I couldn’t save them… I couldn’t…”
“Shhh, take a deep breath” she whispered tenderly “it wasn’t your fault.”
“Lena will never forgive me, but I can’t…” she repeated, weeping “this hurts so much, make it stop, Alex!”
“I wish I could, my love” she exhaled “look at me” Alex held her sister’s reddened and anguished face “you’re not responsible for anything that happened to your planet and your mother’s choices are not your fault. Take a deep breath” the blond nodded, trying to calm down “breathe with me, okay?”
Long minutes went by until Supergirl was able to calm down and breathe normally. Her eyes were still red, her face was stained with tears and her hands were shaking, this had never happened before. Fear might be capable of making the body react in strange and unexpected ways. Kara didn’t know how to deal with that, with the fact that she was so scared that her sight was clouded, getting in the way of her thinking. That ache in her chest wouldn’t stop and that exhausted her, in a way that she soon wouldn’t be able to bear.
Being strong demanded too much, being a hero, most of the time, led her to exhaustion. She always wanted to do the best for the planet that took her in so well and always wished to give the best of herself, to be the best version Kara had. Working at CatCo made her human but being Supergirl gave her a feeling that no one could take away, not the way they had taken her planet. That was the way of keeping Kryton alive. Flying gave her a sentiment of freedom as if she could fly back home in Argo City as if she could fulfill her dreams of seeing her friends one more time. Sometimes she would go so high she was almost able to touch the universe around Earth or even almost hold a star.
“Take the day off” Alex finally spoke.
“No” Kara persisted “I don’t want to stay home.”
“And you won’t” she smiled “you will leave here, get changed and you’ll spend the rest of the day with Lena, got it?”
“Lena? She’s… working, isn’t she?” the hero questioned.
“She also took the day off” she lied. In reality, Lena was sick and Alex knew that because she had texted earlier, asking if the CEO was fine after the night before, but she didn’t want her sister to know they had talked. Not yet. “C’mon” Alex helped her up.
“I don’t want to go looking like this…” Kara sighed “Lena is already dealing with a lot.”
“Get changed and show her you’re also trying to understand the situation” she said “now go, and let me know when you get there.”
“Alex” she smiled weakly at her sister “thank you.”
The redhead hugged her one more time and promised herself that she would do whatever she could to never see Kara so broken again. She felt angered by the whole situation, she felt useless for not knowing what to do and being unable to organize that chaos. She wanted to ask Alura if she thought her actions through if she considered what Kara wanted or thought because that still pained her sister. So many lies and so many secrets, nothing ever worked out if you’re honest.
Lena woke up that morning and went straight to the bathroom, head aching, and stomach complaints. She couldn’t understand why that happened, she hadn’t anything out of the ordinary after she arrived home. Okay, maybe she did try to eat a cereal bar that would spoil soon, but she didn’t think that would cause a whole reaction of disgust in her body. It was like that child didn’t approve of her healthy eating choices. Damn it. She was tired and annoyed, nerves on the edge, and had a sore throat. She waited for her blood pressure to go back to normal and walked back to bed. Without any strength to lift a finger without throwing everything up.
She called Jess and warned she wasn’t going to L-Corp in the morning but would try to show up in the afternoon. She also asked for her to send all the documents and to forward the most important emails to her account, she was going to read them as soon as she got better. As she tossed the phone aside, the Luthor shrank underneath the blanket, still feeling a cold sweat stream, the body shaking, and slept. Her mind was grateful for the resting, as were her feet. She couldn’t even think of wearing one of her tourney skirts and always so high heels.
No, she definitely wouldn’t put herself to deal with slow men and tight clothes.
The conversation from the day before exhausted her. Venting, crying, feeling. The feeling was tiring. She never thought she’d talk to her best friend’s sister, the person who first judged her as Luthor, the woman whose fiance arrested her. What was happening to her life? Why was it all changing? Not that it was a bad thing to talk to the agent, it was still weird and well, she apologized and was extremely honest. Something the Luthor truly values. It was hard to find people like that these days. However, even with the unusual date last night, Lena didn’t figure out why Alex was drinking to forget. What did she want to forget?
At the end of the night, the redhead was in no shape of putting two and two together. Because of that, the CEO didn’t let her drive and took her to her best friend’s apartment, knowing Alex would be safe there. The redhead complained all the way there, saying she could take care of herself, that she didn’t need a nanny, and would be fine on her own. However, if the Danvers wanted to be stubborn, Lena could easily beat her at this game. No way she would let the sister of the person she loved the most in the world to be in danger or alone in that chaotic state. Never.
When the clock hit close to nine and a half, the dark-haired woman rolled over the bed and heard the bell ring. Grudgingly, she tossed the blanket aside and made her way to the kitchen first. Her mouth was dry and her lips were chapped, her throat was still sore due to the vomiting and her whole body felt like it was crushed before she fell asleep. The sentiment was the worst of all. She grabbed a water bottle and drank it in one gulp. feeling the cold liquid go down in relief. The bell rang one more time and only then Lena remembered she was going to get the door.
“Kara?” Lena looked at the blonde, who was carrying a brown purse and had hair falling on her face.
“Hey…” her voice resonated hoarsely, which made the other woman worried “I.. er, I came because…. I know I should have warned, but…” Lena noticed the lack of shining and brightness in those always so intense blue eyes, the dark circles under her eyes, and the weak way she was sighing “I just… just wanted to apologize for yesterday and… - she took a deep breath, avoiding tears and that was the cue the other woman had “and I… I think I just wanted a hug” her lips shook, she was so close to falling apart again.
“Oh, Kara” she pulled her in her arms, holding her tight and stroking her hair. She didn’t know what had happened and it never crossed her mind that her friend was going to feel bad for the little discussion the day before “It’s okay” she murmured.
“I’m sorry” she whispered. It was nice to have somewhere to find support, where she could feel safe again. Alex was the one who kept standing, but Lena was the one who’d let her fall and then would help her up. Kara didn’t always want to be on her feet, it pained her “I’m sorry…”
“Come, get in” Lena pulled her inside and closed the door. Guided her to the sofa and they both sat down “I wasn’t mad at you for yesterday, I just needed some time.”
“I know and I didn’t mean to force you to decide anything” Kara exhaled “I’m still trying to understand how you’re feeling and it’s confusing to me and I want to help you…” the other woman smiled, she had no idea why Kara was still friends with her. There was so much tenderness, affection, and gentleness and that sometimes she didn’t know how to deal with it. Lena was a Luthor after all, and they never deserved such special things like this.
“It’s okay, I’m still trying to understand too” Lena confessed, “aren’t you going to work today?” Kara denied.
“I’m not… feeling so well” oh, it was the first time the CEO heard that.
“You look so exhausted,” she said in concern “you need to rest. Why didn’t you go home?”
“Because I didn’t want to be alone” she looked down and fidgeted with her fingers “and I… I wanted…” she sighed “nevermind.”
“You can tell me, Kara” she reached her hands and intertwined their fingers “that’s what friends are for, right?” Lena smiled and the blonde agreed, although still frowning.
“I wanted a hug” she confessed in embarrassment. Kara felt stupid but hugs were her favorite form of affection. When two people put their hearts close to one another. She wanted to feel her friend’s heart
“Come with me” she got up and reached out for the blonde. Kara reached back not understanding and walked with her to her room, which still had an unmade bed. She had only been there a few times and could count them on her fingers. In all of them, it was very organized.
Lena wasn’t sure of what she was doing or if she was breaking some rules in her friendship. She hoped she wasn’t. She didn’t understand relationships, especially friendships. She never had friends. However, seeing Kara almost fall apart in front of her made her realize she had a side which she didn’t know or even had the faintest idea it existed. Everybody knows that human beings can fall and break, it is natural for the species and it is expected for it to happen. Flesh and bone, it the basic structure. Heart, soul, and emotions. That was the most intrinsic and fragile composition of the human being.
Kara also had a soul, a heart, and emotions. She too could break, and that scared her. It scared her because her friend was always the meaning of light and good moods, of joy and positivity and perseverance. Her faith was what made herself believe that she was a Luthor better than her family, which made her insist on what she wanted and fight for a better world, even though no one cared. That’s why, giving her one of her favorite pajamas, Lena asked the blonde to get changed and to lay down. They both needed to close their eyes and shut off their minds, just letting the hours go by.
The younger Danvers nodded as she got the clothes and went to the bathroom. She was very grateful it was all dark, she didn’t know if Lena would recognize her secret identity, but it had never happened before. They had slept on each other’s homes, never together, for the kryptonian knew well how the CEO cared for her personal space and she’d never cross a line. But now, there she was, ready to lay in a bed with her best friend and beside her. Lena was much more than she imagined of herself she felt lucky for being the only person who knew her heart so well. Of course, knowing the heart and knowing the soul and very different things, but the blonde was patient. At some point, she would tell her the truth and at some other point, Lena would tell her how she felt.
All at its given time.
They laid down and, although it was almost ten in the morning, the room was still dark as the night. Kara felt the softness of the silk on her skin and the sweet smell on the sheet. Everything there was so personal that she wished she’d never leave. However, she was aware she didn’t have a choice, because she knew that when the truth came out, Lena would ask her to go and would never want to see her again. It was the price to pay for all her fears and for the pain that lived at the bottom of her soul. Hence, Kara decided to ignore these thoughts, and the creeping need to cry and tried to hold on that moment.
She was able to hear the heart of the two people she loved most in the world and that was the best sound of her life. It helped her relax.
“C’mon” the other woman moved and opened her arms.
“... Closer?” Kara questioned, confused.
“You need a hug” Lena explained “let it at least be the longest one can give you”
So she moved and hugged her friend’s warm and comforting body, letting her breath normalize and her heartbeat steady in that sentiment of affection. Sleeping with someone after sex was nice, knowing they cared enough to stay and let you process the moment. However, that was truly intimacy and went farther than any sexual relationship. It was proximity without any second intentions, it was seeing each other souls without talking. It was understanding you don’t always have to be alone behind your walls.
When they woke up the clock was reading almost one in the afternoon and their stomachs roared together, making them laugh.
“Are you feeling better?” Kara nodded positively “what was that bag you were carrying?”
“Ah!” her face lit up and she got up, racing to the living room and back. Kara threw them back on the bed and opened it, letting all the books fall on the mattress “I found these books and thought... I thought it might help you?
“And they’re about?” she lifted her eyebrows, observing a cover and its title.
“Pregnancy” Kara frowned. Afraid she might be crossing a line again “they’re not about the child or something like that...they’re more like ventings and stories of many mothers and the hardest choices they have to make. They show a not so glamorous side of pregnancy and how it not only affects the mother’s life” she coughed, nervous “I… er, I hope you won’t be mad... if you don’t want to read them I…
“Kara” Lena smiled and held her hand. “I loved it, truly.”
“I know Seedy is important” she confessed “but so are you…”
“Your little friend will be very upset hearing this and I’ll be the one to suffer the consequences” she teased.
“Oh, no!” she snorted “please, don’t be mad” again, her hands moved towards her friend’s belly, but she backed down “you have got to understand that Lena also needs attention, Seedy” she whispered. The other woman noticed how Kara wanted to touch her again and her heart raced.
“Allow yourself to feel, Lena, let your heart rest” Alex’s voice echoed in her head “Allow yourself to feel”
“Give me your hand” Lena spoke suddenly and the blonde frowned.
“My hand?” she nodded and so Kara extended her right hand. Lena took it and placed in on her lower belly and pressured it there. Her body quickly responded to the warm touch.
“This is where my uterus is” she explained and then let the hands fall a little lower “and this is where Seedy is” the younger Danvers didn’t know what to say, but she could listen to her child’s heartbeats as she traced her fingers on Lena’s pale soft skin.
“Does it hurt?” Lena shook her head in denial “hey, Seedy” she whispered “your mom is the best person in the whole world” the CEO tried to hold the tears back but it was impossible “are you crying? I didn’t mean to make you cry, did I hurt you?”
“No, no” she dried the tears and sighed “it’s the damned hormones.”
“Let’s fo something that will cheer you up, get dressed, put on some comfortable shoes” Kara ordered, getting up.
“And where are we going?” she arched an eyebrow, not wanting to leave home only to get hot and stressed.
“To eat” her stomach roared in response “that’s right Seedy, eating” the blond teased, causing Lena to roll her eyes “don’t worry, we’re not walking too long and are not going to be out too long”
The Luthor went for a shower while the blonde got changed in the room and made the bed. She made sure to let everything very organized, for she knew that even feeling tired or unwell Lena would find a way to tide up that mess. It had been some time since she wanted to take her friend to one of her favorite places, one which helped herself overcome many obstacles when she moved from Midvale to National City. She intended to make this the best place for her friend as well, who knows, maybe they could start to go together and maybe even do it frequently. She then called a friend who worked in the place and planned it out.
Both of them left the apartment and Lena called in the driver, there was no way she would walk in that burning sun or any other Sun. They were dropped in front of an old theatre that the CEO hadn’t the vaguest idea it existed. Kara also didn’t say a thing about what they were going to eat or do, but she hoped it wasn’t going to be anything big or that it would make her emotional. She was done with crying for no reasonable reason. The blonde guided her to the entrance hall, where they could see enormous stairs surrounded by a wood handrail with golden details. The theatre looked abandoned or at least unused, she couldn’t tell, she wasn’t the kind of woman to go to plays or things like that.
By their side, photos and pictures of old performances were hanging on the walls. Children, women, and elders, all holding some kind of musical instrument or in front of a microphone. It was possible to smell the humidity, the dust and that was the reason why that place was dying. However, there was something in it that made her feel a different energy, something good and intense. A soft melody echoed from far away but still made itself heard.
“Hey, Jordan” Kara greeted a tall man.
“Here’s your order, mademoiselle,” he said charmingly, taking his beret off and smiled “just like you ordered’
“I didn’t order, I asked pretty please” the blonde frowned and took the brownish package from his hand.
“Are you going to introduce me?” he pointed to her friend.
“Oh, yes, sorry” she coughed “Jordan, this is Lena and Lena, Jordan,” she said. The Luthor smiled politely and shook his hand.
“Finally I can meet you,” he said excitedly “I was beginning to think you were only from her imagination” he looked at Kara, who immediately blushed.
“Jordan!” she snorted “Did you do what I asked?” she changed the subject. Lena just crossed her arms and stood there, observing their interactions, too interested in what was happening.
“Perfectly” he smiled gallantly, what bothered the CEO “follow me” he made the way “you’re lucky Nora came to practice today, she had been in a bad mood this last month” he commented.
“Are you sure she won’t mind? I don’t want to bother” Kara asked, concerned.
“Of course not, she adores you!” he exclaimed “besides, who would be bothered by your company?” the blonde felt the flush again.
The three of them got into the enormous saloon, where all the armchairs were organized in fixated lines and in front of them, a wooden stage was surrounded by a thick purple velvet curtain. A few instruments rested on the floor or in supports, it was also possible to see what was left from some scenarios and clothes hanged on distorted iron bars. It was like everything was stuck in time and they walked into a victorian theatre. On the left side of the stage, a sweet middle-aged woman with red hair wais playing a simple melody on the piano.
“Make yourselves comfortable and enjoy” Jordan left them after pointed to two specific armchairs. They were bigger than the others and looked a lot like royal thrones.
“Thank you, Jordan” she smiled at the friend “let’s sit”
“Where exactly are we?” Lena murmured, trying not to disturb the musician.
“This used to be National City’s most famous theater in the seventy’s and eighty’s but it was forgotten after the movies took the spotlight” she explained “especially after the city grew”
“And why do you come here?” she questioned, snuggling the soft sit. She thanked heaven for the opportunity to sit down.
“The music helps me relax and forget other noises” she confessed. Lena may not be aware of her super hearing, but she said the truth “it’s like there was no other sound, I know that the walls are protected, but still… it’s like a little escape” she gave a weak smile.
Lena analyzed her friend differently at that moment. The blonde was quieter than usual, more introspected, and even a bit sadder. Still, the light behind her ocean eyes was shinning, she could tell. Being in that theater meant something new, meant a step deeper into their one year old friendship. She wanted to ask Kara what she was escaping from, what sounds she didn’t want to hear, and why she needed to get away like that. But she kept silent.
“Let’s eat and I’ll tell you a story” she opened the package and took out two pieces of pie “this one is mine and this one is yours” she handed the pot.
“Why?” her stomach almost jumped out as she smelled the food.
“Olives” Kara frowned, making Lena laugh.
“Do you hate everything that is green?” she teased.
“All but your eyes” she spoke without thinking and her face immediately reddened. “I… er… I didn’t mean…”
“I’m glad you like my eyes, Kara” she smiled tenderly, but deep inside her heart was screaming “Tell me the story”
“Right” she cleared her throat “this melody that is playing is from a movie that is based on the primordial concepts of the romanticism school” Kara explained, “it tells the story of a sad guy who didn’t have any control of his life and was forced to marry a girl he didn’t know. His parents were rich and, theoretically, so were the girl’s parents” she sighed “but in reality, their families were both greedy and sordid, not caring what their children wanted.
“Seems awful” Lena commented. Although she did know what it was like to have rich greedy parents and no control over her own life.
“It is” she sighed “in the wedding day, he was so nervous that he got all the phrases of his vows wrong and that, at the time, was almost a heresy” she swallowed another piece of pie before carrying on “So Victor ran to the woods and there until he calmed down, he knew he was in trouble and so he decided to say his vows again until he had it word by word” the melody continued to resonate through the saloon and Lena noticed she was truly relaxed, almost forgetting all her troubles and everything outside of that theater “but after he finished it, he put the ring in a branch of a tree or at least that’s what he thought. But it wasn’t a branch it was a corpse’s finger.” Kara simpered.
“That’s.... macabre” she frowned.
“I have a point, let me carry on” Lena nodded and Kara continued “the problems started there because you can’t break a wedding vow and now he was promised to a dead woman. The story now follows on two scenarios: the living world, where everything is colorless, grey and blue, and the dead world, where everything is colorful and ironically alive” she explained “Emily, the corpse bride was happy for finally finding someone but the truth was that Victor didn’t love her. And that hurt” she sighed “Victor loved Victoria and wanted to go back to her, not caring how the other woman felt, after all, she wasn’t supposed to feel a thing. She was dead” Kara looked to the pianist as if she was imagining what it must feel like to love someone and no be loved back “but this is what the movie is about, it’s physical death, not emotional, it’s the exact opposite from the living. It’s like saying joy only comes with death because you don’t worry about what you have any more, you can’t carry anything to the end.”
“I never thought about it like that” Lena sighed “but it is a beautiful philosophy, thinking that while we’re living we’re more concerned about surviving than enjoying it.
“My favorite part of the movie is when Emily realizes she has no chance against the other woman” Kara smiled sadly “they’re from different worlds, different conceptions, and different realities. She could play the piano and dance while Victori couldn’t even leave home by herself because it wasn’t appropriate. But Victoria could breathe, she had pink cheeks and Emily didn’t have any of that, she had lost everything” just like I did, she wanted to add. She looked back at Lena “So in one night she sings: if I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain. If you cut me with a knife it’s still the same, yet I feel my heart is aching Though it doesn’t bet it’s breaking… for that, I still have some tears to shed…
Lena let those words sink in her heart, unsure of what she was feeling.
Opposite to the Luthor, the blonde wished to tell her exactly what each verse made her feel and how she truly felt deep inside. She wasn’t dead like Emily, but sometimes she felt everyone treated her like she was. Yes, it touched a burning candle she would feel no pain, the same went if someone cut her with a knife. But Kara felt her heart hurt and even though she was the girl of steel, her heart and body was flesh and bones, like any other person. She could cry and no one would notice. Emily might be dead but Kara was very much alive. She too could have a broken heart.
“What happened in the end?” the CEO broke the silence.
“Emily gave up on trying something that could never work out, the marriage was on until death did them apart, but death had already done that” Kara sighed “Still, she sacrificed herself for Victor’s happiness and found the freedom she desired, proving that she still had the fire to keep loving.”
“It’s sad, but… it’s also hopeful” she said, still moved by the tale “each person builds their concept of love and I can’t say I know mine” her hand instinctively went to her belly.
“Have you ever been loved unconditionally?” she heard Alex’s voice echo again through her memory. Truth was, Lena didn’t know a thing about love. So, they both stayed in grave silence and enjoyed the rest of the melody, letting their mind rest and bodies relax.
“Where are we going?” the CEO asked as they went down the theater’s stairs, towards a nearby shopping mall.
“Seedy needs an ice cream” she smirked, making Lena arch an eyebrow “I maybe I need one too.”
“Ah, of course” she snorted “you two will plot against me.”
“I told you, now they’re my best friend” Kara teased “why are you making this face since we left?”
“You don’t realize how much that Jordan likes you” the little Danvers froze before walking through the door.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s so obvious” Lena rolled her eyes, getting in first, in desperate need for the air conditioner relief “the way he treats you, smiles to you, and does everything you ask him to.”
“You also do everything I ask you to.” she pointed out, trying desperately to change the subject and not even realizing what she had just said. Lena crossed her arms and made a smug face.
Two can play this game.
“I hope I have more chances than him” Lena smirked “A Luthor hates to lose.”
“What? lose what?” she was confused “you’re my best friend and has all the chances you want…” her eyes went wide open as she realized what they were talking about “no! I mean… yes, but… oh, Rao, I mean...God!” Kara said lowly “Jordan is just, Jordan he doesn’t stand a chance.”
“I’m glad” she murmured, leaving the subject aside. She didn’t want to ask why she could have all the chances she wanted.
“Look, Lena!” Kara pointed out a baby store “it’s so tiny” she stopped in front of the glass and pointed a finger to a red shoe “this fits a baby’s foot?”
“I suppose so,” she said while observing other products.
There were shirts, dresses, jumpsuits and a variety of shoes. The Luthor wondered if a baby needed all that stuff, like three kinds of feeding bottles or five soothers in different colors. But truth be told, what did she know about pregnancy, babies, or being a mother? It was an unknown world.
The CEO noticed a pair of blue sandals matching a sailor’s hat, or how that little white dress with yellow flowers would go well with the white shoes. It was like doll clothes, she thought to herself, like playing house. But, once again, she never even had the opportunity to play that when she was young. Lilian always said the world raised women to be smaller than men, to stay home, taking care of their children, and not be able to use their brains to object to some of the husband’s actions. Yet she wished she had the opportunity to know what it was like to pretend to be a mother, since now she couldn’t escape this reality.
“Do you… do you want to go inside?” Kara asked, seeing her friend so focused on a pair of clothes “we don’t have to get anything or… anyway if you think you… can’t, or…”
“Sure” she answered honestly, there was no harm in trying.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to” she intertwined their fingers, smiling tenderly.
“I want to” Lena smiled back and they walked in. The store was bigger than it looked.
It was divided into sections, the clothes were separated by estimated age, then came the hygiene and daily products, then the accessories, shoes and finally the toys. The furniture was placed in the back, alongside the strollers and many things Lena had no idea existed. Things like: a bathtub thermometer or different nipples for the baby bottle. Didn’t the baby have only one mouth? Also, she thought they were breastfed most of the time and only used baby bottles after they were a bit older. Theoretically, what she knew, was that the breastfeeding went until two years at least. In other words, she was confused.
“They’re so little” she took a shirt and put it in front of her body “how does that fit?”
“It’s supposed to be for someone 10% your height, Kara” she smiled at her friend’s excitement.
“What is this for?” she grabbed a small bombing machine connected to a baby bottle.
“This is for bombing the milk out of the mother” a friendly lady approached “may I help you? Are you looking for something specific?”
“And you can get the milk out?” Kara, was still very entertained with the ‘toy’ “how does it work?”
“Here, take this end and put it to your breast” Lena blushed immediately and but her lips “it sucks the milk out and it goes straight to the baby bottle, see?”
“This is so much fun!” Lena wanted to shove her face in her hands “I’d definitely have one”
“Are you pregnant?” the lady asked.
“No, maybe one day” Kara tried not to be nervous and Lena noticed.
“I am” she confessed, “thank you for your help.”
“Anything you need, call me” she smiled nicely and walked away.
“I’m sorry about that” the blonde murmured while they walked to the other side. “Lena?”
The Luthor had stopped in front of a section with various jumpsuits, one of which was written ‘Mommy is my hero’. And that was too much, especially when the one beside it said ‘Mommy’s kiss heals any hurt’. Feeling like a hero was something Lena always wanted, even though she didn’t have any powers or anything that made her different from every other human being. Knowing that someday someone was going to consider her to be the most powerful person in the world because she was going have a kiss that healed or that would see her as the strongest or the smartest simply because she was able to reach the top shelf or open a bottle of olives or even finding a toy underneath their bed it made her heart feel something more. Something she couldn’t put into words.
Her fingers lingered on the soft cloth and her eyes couldn’t help read that sentence again and the CEO rapidly imagined the fragile and small body of a baby that would look just like her. What must it feel like? To look at someone and know they’re biologically a part of you? That they’re alive because you kept them safe for nice months, you feed them, cared for them. Her hand caressed her belly and she closed her eyes, allowing tears to fall.
This is still my body, she repeated to herself in silence. It’s still mine. Just like this child is mine.
“Lena” Kara waited until her friend opened her eyes “It’s going to be okay, you don’t have to be afraid” she spoke in a soothing tone, noticing how she was still touching the clothing “do you want to take it?” the other woman nodded, not having the courage to way it out loud.
Without second thoughts, the blonde puller the other close and hugged her, letting her hide her face in her shoulder. She didn’t know what it was like to be going through many changes but she certainly knew how changes were scary. It was how she felt when she first arrived on Earth when she had to adapt to a new family and a new life.
“I’m sorry” Lena whispered, her hands in her belly face still hidden “I just...it’s like I have so many tears to cry on a weekly basis” she laughed nervously, making the young Danvers smile.
“Feel free to cry anytime you want” she sniggered “which one?” she lifted the little clothes. The other woman blushed and bit her lips again.
“Both” Lena murmured feeling embarrassed.
“Good, I was ready to convince you to take all of them” she joked “and this one will be my gift to you” Kara took one that was completely yellow and had a blue jumpsuit in the front and came with a matching yellow hat with brown glasses on top of it.
“A minion?” the CEO arched her eyebrows.
“One time you told me Luthors didn’t have friends” she smiled “they have minions.”
Yeah, she had a point.
Chapter 5: Everyone has bad days
“Miss Luthor” Jess walked into the room and stared at the CEO “Miss Danvers is here to see you.”
“Kara?” she asked, confused. As far as she knew her friend was still working, even though it was past seven in the night. Honestly, the Luthor always thought her work hours were strange. If Kara reprimanded her for always being at L-Corp until late, her schedule as a reporter deserved the same criticism.
“No, it’s me” Alex showed up behind the secretary, partially smiling.
“Alex, I wasn’t… please, come in” she got up a bit stunned, unsure of how to react, she thanked Jess and asked the lady to go home.
In those two weeks that passed, she and the older Danvers continued to talk through text messages but never really went out again. It was weird, if not bizarre. Lena didn’t know what to say or expect from that friendship. If she could call it that. Kara was her best friend, they saw each other frequently, talked about everything, and felt comfortable in each other company, free from judgment. However, Alex was truly a complex incognito for her to figure out.
Usually, they talked about things they knew they wouldn’t say to anyone face to face. This easiness appeared after their first conversation in the pub alongside the fact that they knew each other more than they wanted to. When she gave it too much thought, the Luthor felt exposed, almost as if she was in danger. She had never spoken so openly to someone after knowing them for a few minutes and only on their first night out together. Sure, Lena had gone out with her best friend’s sister before, but it was different from being surrounded by their other friends. Now she was her one company for the night.
The topics they approached always started with work and ended up inventing. Although she knew she was crossing her lines, the CEO just couldn’t say how she was feeling to the redhead. It seemed so easy, so comfortable, and relieving. Having her on the other side of a screen, without having to face her, was recomforting and gave her uncommon courage. Sure, courage that only made her feel more like a coward, but still, it was braveness. Besides, it wasn’t just her who was opening up and venting. Alex also lets some confessions, fears, and desires out. Slowly, they were both relaxing, never admitting this was a friendship.
They were too proud to admit it. Hence none of them you asked each other on a night out, until today.
“Sorry to drop by like this, actually I’m not quite sure why I did” she said exasperated “I hope I’m not disturbing anything.”
“No, of course not “ she pointed to the white couch and they both sat down “Did something happen? Is it Kara?” the redhead smirked and rolled her eyes.
“You think I’d only come because of my sister?” she snorted.
“No… it’s not that, I just…” she sighed “I’m not quite sure what we’re doing here but neither of us is particularly good at it.”
“You’re right” Alex went quiet until she gathered the courage to say something again. “I need to let some stress out and you’re the only person I know who won’t ask too many questions.”
“So I’m your last option?” she teased “I’m a pregnant lady so you should be careful with what you say.”
“Don’t talk shit, Luthor” she smiled “first of all I came so this should count as a positive point, and second if we’re using this pregnancy as an excuse then I’m obliged to ask you if you’ve eaten anything after midday.” she crossed her arms and stared at the other woman. Lena sighed, disappointed she lost the discussion, and rolled her eyes, giving in.
“And that’s why every health professional only recommends one Danvers per lifetime” she groaned and Alex let out a laugh “and where do you intend on taking me tonight, agent Danvers? Let it be known I’m not an ‘everywhere’ woman.”
“Yes, I know it so Miss Luthor” teasingly, she continued “you’re not any woman, I assume, and neither am I. Don’t underestimate me.” She winked.
“Such a mysterious tease” she smiled playfully “do remember who is the mother of this child” she kept going as she got up and took her things “Supergirl might show up if you cross any line.”
“Do remember she works for me” provoked “and she wouldn’t dare to defy me.”
“More than you can imagine, Luthor.”
That was the way they both dealt with nervousness and the lack of control the situation had. It was comical, once they both were terrible at personal relationships and even worse when those involved having to show who they were. Alex hated not knowing what was going to happen, that feeling of “unknownness” made her invulnerable. The same went for the CEO, who hated losing control of what she did or felt because it let her guard down, and usually when that happened, she wasn’t able to defend herself. That’s why, they liked the jokes, the teasing and they knew that was their only way to keep themselves aware of any rupture that new friendship might suffer.
They made their way in silence, hearing only the radio playing silly songs. The redhead drove to her favorite place, never telling the other woman where they were heading, and parked in front of it. It wasn’t a well-located space, although it was near the center of National City, it didn’t seem very crowded. Lena could notice some motorbikes parked on the sidewalk, there was a bar not very far and an exit on the end of the avenue that headed to a road to Metropoles. A city that Lena didn’t want to go back to soon, even though it was her home town.
She was internally hoping that the place wasn’t going to be noisy or crowded with aliens, not over prejudice, but because she knew someone would recognize her - which wasn’t very hard - and try to harm them. As they went into the hall, she noticed a bar to their left that looked a bit eventful, if you were to compare it with the lack of vehicles parked outside. Alex smiled at a guy covered in tattoos and slightly high as if she was a usual client and held the Luthor’s hand, trying to pass over some confidence. It wasn’t like the CEO didn’t trust her, but she definitely wouldn’t put her life in that agent’s hands.
Another guy approached them, this time a sober one, looking like he owned the place.
“Rough day, Danvers?” He shook their hands.
“One of those” she smiled “I need to de-stress.”
“Of course you do” he seemed excited “and you brought a different company tonight.”
“Oh, yeah” she turned to her side “this is Lena, she’s a… a.. - she looked at the other woman, unsure of her words, or lack of words.
“A friend of her sister.” Lena completed, not willing to define what exactly she’s and Alex’s relationship was. They weren’t friends, right? Not yet, she thought.
“Nice to meet you, a friend of her sister” he joked “here’s the key, you know how it works, no need to go through it again.”
“Thank you” she smirked, “and, you know when I leave…”
“Your drink will be waiting for you, I know, I know…” the guy laughed and then disappeared in the group playing cards on one of the tables.
“Should I be concerned that this is an illegal activity that satisfies your darkest desires and so you keep it a secret?” Lena asked curiously, hiding the fact she was a little scared too.
“I am an FBI agent, can’t have this luxury.” she teased, guiding them along the dim hallway.
“That is a luxury only us Luthor’s have.” She followed the other woman without complaint, hearing her stilettos echo from the floor to the walls and feeling a shiver through her spine. “And we both know you don’t work for the FBI.”
“Oh, you know my secret identity!” she faked a gasp.
“I have to know someone’s.” she joked.
“You do know how to ruin my good mood’ she sighed “what kind of dark joke was that?”
“What can I say?”
“That you’re a Luthor” she finished the sentence “and that doesn’t change anything for me.”
“I’m flattered, Miss Danvers, but I would like to know what are we doing in this dark room.” she looked around the darkness until Alex turned the lights on.
“Have you ever played dart, Luthor?” Lena soon saw all the cabinets where guns were displayed and pointed directly to little metal men on the other side. Protective headphones were on a small stand by her side.
“Usually I’m the target” she teased “is this where you come to relax?”
“Adrenaline makes me feel better” she confessed, “It doesn't have anything to do with some murderous desire, but it’s good to release anger and frustration in a… more intense way.” She took the Luthor’s belongings, placed them on the stand, and reached for two enormous guns on the locker “do you know how to shoot?”
“I suppose so” she took one gun “may I know why are we searching for adrenaline?”
“First we shoot, then we drink” she looked deadpanned at her “and only then I’ll be able to have a conversation.”
“Don’t forget I’m not drinking and it’s not by choice” she commented, putting on the headphones and loading the gun.
“This child is wise” she locked her knees and took the position to shoot “‘bossy like a Luthor.’”
“More like ‘correct like Supergirl’” she imitated Alex’s position, hearing the first shot echo through the room and go straight to the red spot on the metal man. “and I still have seven months ahead.”
“The whole life, if you want to” the redhead heard Lena shoot “It’s just a matter of letting yourself go and doing what you want, instead of allowing your fears to control you.”
“I thought we were going to talk about your problems” she sighed “I can’t even drink alcohol and use it as an excuse.”
“Leave that to me” she smiled and shot again “use your hormones as an excuse, it’s pretty convincing.”
“I have other ways of sounding convincing and I believe you’re not going to like it” Lena aimed and shot, the bullet hitting the exact center of the figure, impressing Alex.
“Are we competitive today?” she teased.
“Emotionally unstable, I’d say” Lena smirked “I’d never compete against you, I’m just an amateur.”
“You’re doing pretty well for an amateur.” the redhead continued “should I be concerned about the Luthor's raising? Was shooting one of your Middle School subjects?
“Yes, alongside it was right before “How to kill a Super” and afterward we had “How to be humanly incapable of real emotions.” she appealed for sarcasm again “The first one was also during High School too.”
“I love your sense of humor” Alex laughed ironically “makes me feel a little less fucked up.”
“Oh, you’re welcome, it’s why I’m here for” Lena rolled her eyes.
“How do they say it? ‘That’s what friends are for’” she joked “the most ridiculous phrase there is.”
“It doesn’t work with you because we’re not friends” another bullet flew, hitting one of the distant targets.
“No, we are not. You’re just a friend of my sister.” She smiled and Lena couldn’t help laughing, she turned to look at Alex “what?”
“Do you enjoy spending time with me?” Lenabluntly asked. Something that had been bothering her in the past two weeks “or are you just keeping me under your sight if I make a mistake?” she tried to go back to the irony.
“I don’t have to keep you around to arrest you” she kept shooting “and if you maybe had done something wrong, I am pretty sure that you’d be the first person to turn yourself in and confess. You can say whatever you want about Supergirl’s righteousness, but you two act and think a lot alike” Alex added, “and you’re nice-ish too.”
The Luthor raised her brow, almost outraged by that adjective.
“Don’t say -ish.” she went back to position and aimed.
“Are you angry-ish?” she teased, making the other woman laugh “C’mon Lena, just accept the fact that I like spending time with you.”
“I’ll believe it but only because you used my first name.” she shot “but I still want to know what happened that you had to bring me here. And no, I won’t take no for an answer, I’m pregnant so you should do what I ask you.
“Fine” she nodded, frowning “Good thing we’re not friends.”
“Yes, thank God we’re not” she rolled her eyes “you’re very annoying.” She heard Alex snort and let out a laugh.
“Okay, Luthor” Alex shot one last time “let’s talk, but first” she put the headphones back into place “what’s your middle name?”
“That is not up for discussion, Danvers” she smiled “if you want to know you have to admit I’m your friend.”
“Never.” Alex smirked
Yeah, she thought to herself, this is a real friendship.
Lena observed Alex drink more than she should on a Tuesday evening and more than she should for someone who was ‘relaxing’. She could feel the redhead nervousness and fright and most of all, her silence. Because she was more susceptible to a mental breakdown, the CEO felt like it was easier to open up, she was crying daily, even if she wasn’t feeling down. But, for Alex, that only made things more complicated. They knew how each other felt, they got each other’s time and space and never crossed any lines, it was what made them ‘friends’, even if they wouldn’t say it out loud. They were too similar, all the same fears, the same manners.
The Danvers kept shooting tequila down her throat, making her grimace, feeling the liquid burn to the stomach. It was always easier to deal with problems when she was drunk. It’d hurt less. However, Lena was there, watching and waiting for answers. She would never ask directly, knowing Alex would dodge every question. No, Lena was going to wait for her non-friend to tell her what was bothering her so much. To see her drink and fall like that made her nervous, it wasn’t the first time that was happening. And that worried her.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Lena said seriously, moving the tiny cups away “you’re crossing the line.”
“Stop being so bossy” Alex answered, dragging each word and laughed “you’re acting like an annoying mom.”
“Perhaps because I am one now.”
“Yeah… what I’ll” she sighed “I’ll never be.”
After that confession, Lena froze for a few seconds and stared at the tired woman in front of her. What did she mean by that? Before she could ask, Alex put her hand over her mouth and muffled a painful hiccup. She was tired, trying to escape a brainstorm of confusion. Lena didn’t know what to do, she was never a friendly shoulder or had to comfort anyone. That was completely new.
“I’m sorry” Alex whispered trying to fix her face “I just… I…”
“You don’t have to apologize” she held the other woman’s hand and intertwined their fingers, deciding against going for a hug “let’s get you home, you need to rest, that’s enough relaxing for today.” Alex nodded silently.
They left the place and this time Lena was the one driving. The agent kept her face on the window all the way, feeling some stubborn tears mark her cheeks and eyes almost closing with exhaustion. Neither of them had the guts to say a word about the situation and so that an end on the subject. At last for now. As they arrived at the redhead’s apartment, the CEO helped her up and waited for her to have a cold shower. While waiting, she found some pills for the morning after and helped her get to bed, as the agent slept almost immediately. She checked everything again to make sure everything was in order and called her driver, knowing something very wrong was happening to Alex.
Between endless meetings, the Luthor finally managed to sit down and find something to eat. Being a CEO was much more complicated now that she was pregnant, all her senses were expanding and her patience only seemed to reduce, but the hotness was by far the most annoying feeling. During a meeting with investors in the morning, she was so close to throwing up as one of the men stepped into her space like some did, knowing Lena Luthor was a single woman. She was more than used to receiving compliments, dinner requests, and indecent propositions. She refused them, always. But the strong manly lotion made her stomach turn, in fact, anything related to strangers and her privacy made her sick. It was almost impressive.
For example, on the day a woman was among a group of visitors in the lab, she was the CEO of an important company in Metropolis and came along with the scientists who were to analyze L-Corp’s new department. She was beautiful, blessed with an astonishing smile and venerable intelligence, the dress she was wearing also painted a magnificent picture of her curves. There was nothing about her that would cause any discomfort in the Luthor, being honest, she might have even accepted going to dinner if she asked. And yes, there was an invitation, one that she didn’t even have time to answer as her stomach rolled and she had to leave the place running.
As she got to the bathroom, the sickness suddenly vanished. It was like something was keeping her from approaching new people and even people she didn’t have traces of intimacy with. In fact, if she thought about it, it seemed like that child was bothered by Lena’s proximity to strangers, any kind of proximity really. After all, the only people she was able to get close to were Alex and Jess, and most of all, her best friend Kara.
Yes, she must be going insane, for she refused to believe that child was already getting in the way of her life so early on.
Ignoring these issues and walking back to her office, she ordered lunch - although it was only ten and a half in the morning - and began to distract herself with some research. Reaching for the air conditioner remote Lena lowered the room’s temperature for the third time that morning, the heat was almost unbearable, like she was standing in hell. Her body was on fire and all she dreamed of was a cold shower. Her feet ached inside those uncomfortable shoes and so, she took them off, sure that no one was going to see it anyway. The only other thing bothering her like the devil was her bra, which was already getting too small. Her breasts had doubled and her nipples were more sensible and sore. It was hell on earth, she thought to herself, and there are six months to go.
Lena sighed. She never thought pregnancies were that stressful. Always believed it was like the movies, astonishing women that barely gain any fat and still exercise even though they are carrying a six-pound being inside themselves. She took a minute to stare at her figure and the conclusion upset her. Since she found she was pregnant, it was almost impossible to stop eating, and now, and they arrived in the third month, her belly was beginning to take shape. Soon, it wouldn’t be possible to keep it a secret.
“You’re not going to make me get twenty pounds, are you?” she whispered, hand caressing the belly and eyes on the computer screen “You’re already being too bossy, how do expect me to spend six months and a half not seeing anyone? She smirked, lightly stroking her tissue “you’re a jealous little being.”
She carried on her research, one which had nothing to do with L-Corp and surprised her in every detail.
“Due to the yellow sun on planet Earth, kryptonians are gifted with inhuman strength and other powers” read interested “their skin will always be hot, what won’t allow them to feel cold or get burned like other human beings, also, very few blades and other sharp objectives are able of hurting them, they are also bulletproof” she reclined back and stared at directly at where her bellybutton was covered. Was that the reason why she was feeling so hot? The baby had a hotter body temperature than hers? It made sense “furthermore, they possess heat vision, x-ray vision, and frost breath. super hearing, the ability to fly and to run at a very high speed which demands a much heavier diet from them, mainly made of carbohydrates, for their bodies consume thrice the energy than of a regular human being” for fuck’s sake, Lena cursed in silence “thrice?” she said, impressed “this all I needed.”
How would she feed a child that needed thrice the amount of food she was able to eat? Also, would this child be fully kryptonian or fifty percent? Biologically speaking she knew that it was supposed to be a combination but was it the same way in alien science? Right, she could not panic now, not inside her office with her secret just by the door. She needed to keep calm and call Supergirl to clear some things up.
For example, if this child had her other mother’s powers, could they, perhaps, contaminate kyptonians the person carrying the baby? For a lack of better words.
At that moment, she remembered what J’onn said in the DEO, that Lena had no scratches and it was a bit strange, given that humans are fragile beings. With that in mind, she reached for a metal clip on her table and twisted it, the pointy side facing the ceiling. That was insane and she was certain regret coming in a minute. However, there were too many questions and not close to enough answers, she wanted to learn it, to know more, and could barely make sense of why she was so interested all of the sudden. Something inside herself didn’t want to fail that baby.
“If I go mad, the fault is entirely yours, know that Seedy” Lena murmured to the belly and sliced her hand with the small sharpened metal, closing her eyes, waiting for the pain and the feeling of rolling dripping. But nothing happened. Nothing happened, not one trace of the cut “this is… impressive” she inhaled and tried one more time, now aiming her arm. Once again, nothing. “what more should I expect from you?” she caressed her stomach “I’m not going to lie, I’m scared. So scared…” Lena sighed and carried on reading “Krypton was a planet illuminated by a red sun, to which kryptonians believed it was divine being named Rao.... why is this name so familiar to me?” she questioned, but decided to let it pass “the main city, known as Argo City was divided in fields, to what only two are known by us: the scientific and the military. The House El was placed in the precise middle of the city and, although there were other Houses and clans, this family was responsible for the City, using a simple governmental counsel. The symbol of House El is an S centered in a five-sided irregular polygon. The S stands for hope and the emblem El Mayarah stands for ‘stronger together’” Lena shot a brief smiled “I’m not gonna lie, your mother is much more interesting than I had thought.”
“Miss Luthor” the secretary came in suddenly, making the CEO jump from the chair and her heart race.
“Jess” she smiled politely “you startled me.”
“I’m sorry, but your mother is here” Jess informed, noticing the other woman’s hand on her belly “Do I let her in?”
“Of course” she answered quickly “wait, my mother?” she closed her computer a tried to breathe slowly.
“Excuse me, thank you for announcing me for my own daughter” Lilian slithered through the door and entered the room, wearing a presumptuous smile “since when do I need to be announced?”
“Mother, I didn’t expect to see you so soon” Lena truly meant to say she didn’t expect to see her again but her better judgment didn’t let it “what do you want? What are you doing here?
“Lena, why are you so down?” she read each detail in her daughter. Lilian may be the worst mother to ever exist but she knew her daughter well, well enough to notice something was wrong. “your skin looks more… radiant, but I still can see the tiredness and did you… did you gain weight?
“How delicate of you” she rolled her eyes “I’ll only ask one more time, what are you doing here?
“Can’t a mother simply visit a daughter that is now taken for a hero?”
“A mother can, you can’t. Be brief Lilian, I have work to do.”
“It doesn’t look like you’re working” she pointed a finger to the spot where part of her lunch was left unfinished “for what I know, you were never one to lunch”
“You don’t know many things about me, anyway” she answered strictly, but before she could continue the conversation, a soft thud was heard and wind blew into the room, her heart raced. She didn’t even need to turn around, she smiled “Supergirl”
“Miss Luthor, I was flying by and saw that an inhospitable visitor decided to show up” Kara lied and stared straight at Lilian. What she wanted to do was take her friend and mother of her child far away from that woman. “Is there any trouble?”
“Let’s hope not” Lena answered, unsure of her next move. Her mother and the superhero looked like they were about to start a war right there. She turned to Lilian “should I expect any trouble?”
“Why am I not surprised that she is here.” Lilian said with disgust “this is a family meeting.”
“I want her to stay” the CEO intervened “and I want you to tell me why you’re here.”
“Interesting how people are really able to fool others, don’t you think?” she smiled “be them human or not” her eyes fell on Supergirl aware that the kryptonian knew what she was talking about “your time is still to come” she finished “anyway, I only came to tell you that I’ll be expecting you for a dinner I’m hosting this weekend for some old friends. They want news about L-Corp and the new investors” she got up and smiled again “It will be at seven and please be presentable. Your current state is deplorable” Lilian walked past the door and turned around one last time “and choose your friendships better. Goodbye, Lena.”
They watched the older woman leave the room and felt the tension dissipate. They were alone again.
“Are you okay?” Supergirl asked, she didn’t like the way Lilian spoke about her daughter’s appearance at all.
“Yes” she answered still lost in the situation “how did you know?”
“I was patrolling the area” she frowned with the lie “and was worried when I saw Lilian here.”
“Didn’t know you were an overprotective mother… but I’m fine, I just need to rest and to change into something less uncomfortable. You can go back to what you were doing.”
“Right” she sighed. She didn’t understand why Lena still was so defensive around her “shouldn’t you but more… comfortable? Soon these will bother you to breath…” her face turned bright red as she realized what she had just said.
“I’ll keep it in mind” she smiled “thank you,”
The hero didn’t say anything else because she knew it wouldn’t have the same weight if it was coming from Kara’s mouth and not Supergirl’s. And so, the blond had an idea.
“Miss Luthor” Jess knocked again.
“Fucking hell” she murmured to herself and turned around with the fakest of smiles “yes?”
“Miss Danvers is here to see you”
“Be more specific Jess” she sighed “Kara or Alex?”
“Kara” she answered “I know you gave me orders to not let anyone in, but I thought…”
“It’s okay, thank you” her relief was palpable. Kara was always a great company “let her in.”
The secretary left the room and was replaced by a blond woman wearing very characteristic clothes. On one hand, she carried a brown package, as always, and the other held a book with a pink cover and an image Lena couldn’t decipher. They smiled at each other and the Luthor got up to hug her friend.
“Are you barefoot?” she commented noticing Lena was standing on her normal height “Jesus, Lena, it’s freezing in here” even if she didn’t exactly feel cold, the younger Danvers was still able to notice sudden temperature drops.
“My feet are killing me and so is the heat” she grumbled “apparently I’m the only person, in the whole city, feeling like this . It feels like global warming is happening inside my body.” all her words came out tired.
“Here, I got this for you” Kara handed out the package “and don’t worry, it’s not candy.”
“I’m impressed” Lena took the package to find a small pot with fruit salad in it. Her stomach immediately complained “I’m not sure if Seedy is going to like this.”
“Fruits are good for their development and they are sweet, anyway” she smiled “you should try it.”
“I don’t have much of a choice.” she sighed. Not with food or people she completed in her head.
“I got the app’s new update for this week, do you want to hear it?” she smiled excited and guided them to the couch. Lena rolled her eyes and laughed, of course, her friend was having the time of her life with that situation “er… I’m sorry… if you don’t want to…”
“No, read, please I want to know which stage of hell I’m descending to.” she teased.
“Christ, Lena.” Kara grimaced “right, we are in the ninth week of pregnancy, and look! Your baby almost has all of their fingers developed and their face is starting to take shape. In this phase, they begin to be called fetus and their arms and legs continue to grow. As for the mother, her uterus now has twice the size it had before and the belly will begin to show. In some, it is more apparent, but her clothes will begin to tighten up” she stared at her friend for a few seconds and continued. Soon she was going to put her plan to action “your breasts also grew and began to gain weight, due to the mammal glands production, which means, time to change bras!” Lena was very entertained by the way Kara read the text with spontaneity and joy. It was almost like she was the one expecting “nausea will keep going until the twelfth week and you must continue with the acid folic supplements.”
“So I’m going to have to change my whole wardrobe” she sentenced “we should be able to have babies like kangaroos and carry them in a pooch, it would be so much easier.”
“You have some weird thoughts, Lena” she grinned “how are you feeling? Have you been taking the supplements?”
“Yes, doctor” Lena smirked “and I have been eaten twice as much and my boobs are killing me” the blond blushed hard and coughed.
“I have an idea” Kara changed the subject quickly “in fact, several ideas, but I… er, thought that maybe we could start off… slow?”
“And what is your mastermind idea this time?” curiosity kicking in “nothing involving noisy places and many people, please.”
“No, of course not” she sighed “I wanted to… actually, uh… I thought we could go shopping for new clothes… you know, more comfortable ones” Kara cleared her throat “these skirts look so tight…”
“Right now, I just want to take them off…” she spoke in innocence, her friend, on the other hand, turned bright red imagining the scene “but maybe changing my wardrobe would be a good idea, since I’m still going to carry Seedy for six and a half months.”
“It’s a grape now” Kara corrected “Seedy is now a grape.”
“Whatever, an app is not going to tell me what I should call my child” her defensive side came to light without her even noticing it.
“Okay, mama bear” she teased “so can we go? I think it would be… nice” she shot a shy smile.
After all, what could go wrong?
The driver was quick to get there and in no time they were on their way to the store the blond said sold nice clothes for pregnant women. Everything was still so surreal: being pregnant. It felt like a parallel reality, where everything was but an illusion and a scary version of her life. Even with Kara’s overexcitement, Lena was still unable to let herself feel everything that pregnancy gave to her. Of course, she was aware that some of the actions were completely automatic and involuntary as if her body and conscience made her behave as a mother, even though she had already decided she wasn’t going to be one.
Agent Danver’s words echoed in her mind, making her calmer but also a bit more desperate. What if she falls for that child? What if she didn’t want to give up on it? Her thoughts were confusing and her fear gradually grew. After what she had read in her brief research, knowing that her baby could have her other mother’s powers scared her to death. How would she keep that child away from her own mother? Away from Cadmus and other dangers? How would she, a Luthor, hide the fact that her child is half alien?
Her life was about to fall apart. She couldn’t, even if she wanted, to mother that small life growing in her. Suddenly, her hand moved to her belly and she let out a worried sigh. She had to ensure its safety, no matter what she felt, no matter how much she wanted to keep it to herself.
“I’m sorry” Lena whispered and the blond sitting next to her turned around.
“Are feeling pain? Nausea?” worry creeping in her. The driver parked in front of the store and waited patiently for them to exit.
“No, just bothered” it wasn’t a lie, she turned to Kara “hold this for me” it was her purse. And so her hands traveled quickly inside her shirt and undoing her bra “this is killing me” Lena justified nervous and tossed the piece of fabric in the car.
Kara felt her heart stop for a few seconds, seconds that felt like hours. Oh, Rao. Lena did just take her bra in front of her?
Breathe. She had to breathe. Inhale, exhale. Or was it the opposite way? Christ, she didn’t remember. Her brain had melted. The young Danvers coughed in a clear sign of nervousness and fixed her glasses on her nose, in a failed attempt to pull herself together and forget that moment. They smiled at each other and got out of the car, the Luthor barely noticing the effect she had on her friend.
“Is everything okay?” she asked the blond.
“No… I mean, yes! I just… er, I’m just… feeling hot?” another lie “maybe it’s the lack of air conditioner, I don’t know…”
“If you're feeling hot, picture how I’m feeling… I’d sleep inside a refrigerator and burn all my bras if I could” she commented walking toward the underwear section ''so, where do we begin, Miss personal style?”
“Uh, right…” desperation was starting to kick in “bras, let’s start with them…” oh, Rao.”
A sudden thought occurred to her.
How… would she give her opinion on something like that? Also, how would she see Lena try those things on? Her face went red in shame. Kara was about to see her friend in underwear for the first time. What a great idea, she thought to herself, of course, her stupid brain didn’t think of that. Now there was no escape. She promised to help the CEO and she intended to keep that promise, even if it felt like her heart was about to explode. Breathe. She had to breathe. It couldn’t be so bad, it was just… well, best not to think about it.
“Kara?” she frowned, looking at her friend.
“Right, right… give me your purse and let’s… let’s take a look at the clothes.”
After a painful slow half an hour of going through clothes and Kara avoiding looking at her friend, afraid she’d notice her nervousness, they went to the dressing room, the Luthor insisting her friend would accompany her so she could give opinions. Even if she was very private and conscious about her personal space, Lena always had a lot of confidence when it came to her body. It was something she was proud of, not ashamed of. And for that reason she didn’t think it was going to be uncomfortable for either of them, after all, that’s what friends are for right?
As she took off her clothes and looked at the mirror in front of her, Lena was already able to see the small but noticeable changes. Her skin was more hydrated and oily, just like her hair looked more alive than ever. However, as much as she liked these new features, it only took a small turn, and looking at her figure on the side, the small curve on her belly was beginning to show. It was real, she was pregnant. Not that she had any doubts, for God’s sake she had heard the heartbeats. But, standing there now, she was facing the hardest part: acceptance. Inadvertently, the CEO started crying and when she noticed the tears, she did her best not to look in the mirror to see the miserable person in her place.
She took one of the bras and put it on, feeling the tissue around her breasts in a comfortable way. As beautiful as that item was, she sighed looking in the mirror. Not feeling that pretty and wondering if her body was ever going to be the same,
“Lena?” the blond shouted outside the curtain. Kara could hear her friend's heart beating in despair, almost breaking her own. Alongside it, there was another heartbeat and, at the same time it calmed her down, she could only think how distressing it must be for her friend “Lena, is everything okay?”
“I don’t know if I want to do this anymore” she whispered from the other side and suddenly opened the curtain separating them “I’m feeling terrible, Kara” hiding her face in her hands she confessed “I don’t… don’t look at me, like I’m…”
The tension shifted and it weighed on them, the kryptonian knew she had to do something about it. So, for the first time, she allowed herself to look at her friend’s body. Yes, she had caught a glimpse of it during that ultrasound consult but she looked away in one second. Now, her eyes memorized every inch of pale, velvet Luthor skin. Kara panted heavily and forced herself to focus. She was doing that for her friend, determined to find every compliment and positive adjective on the dictionary, and quote them to Lena. Although truth was, she was barely able to say a word to describe what she was seeing.
Lena had the most beautiful body she had ever seen and yeah, she had never been with a woman before, but it was true. She always found her friend extraordinary, extraordinary in mind and body. It pained her to see her cry and think she wasn’t pretty, even her pregnancy only made her even more impressive. On that thought, the young Danvers removed the other’s hands from her face and looked at the green eyes, reddened by the tears, and smiled.
“You look beautiful” she smiled even harder “and you’ll only keep getting more beautiful, Lena.”
“You’re saying that because I haven’t gained all the weight yet” Lena grumbled “I can’t even look in the mirror and find something I like about myself.”
“Look at me and let’s remember why we are here, okay?” the CEO nodded “are your..er…” she looked at the bra and felt her cheeks burn “are… they… comfortable?” Lena smirked.
“My boobs, Kara” she corrected grinning “and yes, they are.”
“Great!” she took a step back, creating a somewhat safe space between them “try the other two and I'll be waiting for you here.”
“I’m so hungry, starving” complained “when we’re done here…”
“We’re going to eat, I know. I’m starving too.”
Lena got into the dressing room again and tried not to break down again. She tried the other pieces but the colors didn’t do it for her, but the trousers Kara had chosen for her fitted her legs perfectly, they were also much more comfortable than the ones she was used to wearing. In the meantime, the blond entertained herself with a magazine from the store and tried to take the image of Lena in underwear out of her mind. But, no matter how hard she tried, it was like her brain refused to.
She was almost finishing her reading when she heard a woman’s voice down the hallway. The woman was complaining about something and Danvers was quick on recognizing the owner of that voice.
Helena Bertinelli. Fuck.
“Oh, Rao” she whispered to herself in panic. Would she remember her? Maybe even ask about Lena?
Oh, Rao! Lena! She could leave that room in an instant and of course, that woman would notice the small but visible curve on her belly. On impulse, the blond pushed the curtain and entered the dressing room, pushing the other woman to the wall and knocking all the hangers down. What caused a suspicious sound. Kara felt her face burn and, when stopped to look at her friend, all her senses paused.
Lena was only wearing panties, breasts exposed, and almost touching her own.
“Kara!” she exclaimed nervously but the other woman covered her mouth.
“I… er…” she coughed anxiously. Damn it, what would she say now? “oh, heavens… I just…”
Silence fell on them and their eyes met. The CEO could feel her nipples quickly respond to that contact and tingling on her sex. Her breathing got heavy and the heat of the blond’s body made her goosebump. She was so fucking hot and she couldn’t control it. Kara kept their body’s close, so close that she felt she could combust without a simple touch. Lena hated being pregnant, hated not being able to find someone to just fix that issue. And, most of all, she hated those god damned hormones.
The kryptonian was still. It wasn’t like she couldn’t hear the Luthor’s heartbeat so fucking fast. Shit. Why did she have the most absurd ideas in the worst moments? Now what? What could she possibly say to get out of that situation? Oh, Rao… why, of all people, did she have to be attracted to her best friend?
“Can you let go of my mouth?” she sounded muffled.
“Yeah… I… right” a deep breath “that friend of yours is outside” she couldn’t help to roll her eyes saying the word ‘friend’.
“Helena?” the blond nodded “fuck’s sake. And if I go out like this or with my clothes, she is going to notice…”
“We’re going to wait here until she leaves. It’s okay.”
“Right” she sighed, and suddenly remembered she was basically naked “I… I need a shirt…”
“Okay, okay… a shirt, uh…” she grabbed the first shirt she could find, it was one she had chosen but didn’t say anything to Lena “put this on.”
The CEO nodded and put on the beige shirt, it felt a bit too large. As she looked in the mirror, she noticed the writing in front of it, alongside a childish pomegranate drawing.
‘Mama’s little pomegranate’
She felt her eyes tear up and her hands moved to her belly. Stupid hormones. The shirt went down to the thighs, leaving a bit of underwear visible. Her breasts weren’t being pressed by any tissue and Lena wished she could stay like that forever. Just her and her baby and the comfort of looking at herself and feeling something warm in her chest. Kara observed the scene and smiled, amazed by it. She never thought it would be possible to be so in love with two people at the same time. Lena wasn’t wearing anything fancy, far from it, she was barefoot, wearing only panties and a shirt that did a bad job covering her arse, her hair was messy because of the constant changing of clothes and still, Kara had never seen her look so beautiful.
That’s when an idea occurred to her.
“Lena, can you… er, can you lean on the wall again?” The CEO looked at her confused but did as told “now, stand on the side” Kara moved her so she was in the position she pictured “right, now… lift the front of your shirt and put both hands on your belly… yeah, like that, can I…?” she pointed to her hair and the other woman, feeling the warm hands place a lock of hair behind her ear. “Now, look down at your hands...yes.” she smiled, Lena Luthor was the most amazing woman in the world “don’t move…”
“What are you doing?” L7ena asked without moving and heard clicks coming from her friend’s phone repeatedly.
“I’m going to prove to you that every month that goes by, you’ll only look better” Kara showed her the pictures “See? You two look beautiful…”
“Thank you, Kara” she smiled, ecstatic. Their eyes met, more intense than ever. The Luthor looked down at the pink lips and felt her mouth water. What would they taste like?
“Lena?” the moment was interrupted by a known voice “Lena, are you there? I know your purse is right here and I’d recognize it anywhere.” Helena continued and Lena sighed, thanking God she was wearing a large shirt.
“Hey, Helena…” she partly opened the curtains, but Helena took them and pushed them to the end, finding Kara standing on the other side “we were just… trying some clothes on.”
“Together?” she stared at the blond and frowned “In the same dressing room?”
That’s what friends are for, Kara thought to herself.
“What are you doing here? I thought you only went to designer stores” she tried to change subjects and ignore that woman’s stare on her bare legs. But before she could continue, she felt the kryptonian’s arms around her waist and put on the sweater she was wearing to cover her panties “thank you, darling,”
“Just looking for different things and it’s not like we’re in a department store” her words dripping with sarcasm “by the way, it’s great that I ran into you, I’ve been meaning to ask you to dinner this weekend at the Palm West Side.” Kara felt her blood boil with that invitation “It’s going to be like a business meeting and it would be nice to have such an interesting company like yours.
Damn it, the blond thought, why this woman… this gorgeous tall woman had to show up now? Shit. Why did she have to smell so good? Kara crossed her arms and menaced.
“I’m sorry, it would be wonderful but I already have plans this weekend.” Lena made sure to say wonderful in the most ironic way possible and remembered Lilian’s invitation, one that she didn’t intend to accept but now it was done “I have a dinner with my mother, I would invite you but…” her eyes turned to the blond woman frowning “Kara already is my plus one.” she heard her friend gasp and smirked.
Kara froze. Lena intended to go to that dinner? And… she was going too?
“Oh, what a shame” Helena sighed “hope I see you again” she walked back and wondered her eyes through the CEO’s body, enjoying the view again “nice shirt, by the way, mommy.” Shit.
They watched Bertinelli leave the hallway. The Luthor didn’t know what was worst and made a mental list of the many bad situations she had put herself in less than one day.
1.One unexpected visit and an invitation to dine with her mother.
2.Put her friend in a mess she hadn't even told her about.
3.Helena found out about her pregnancy.
4.All of the above, together.
Truly, it wasn’t the best day of her life.
Chapter 6: Oh, Rao!
and we're back! Enjoy!
The DEO was mostly known by its agents as a department compromised with National City's security, that took their objectives seriously and worked hard, day and night. Well, it wasn’t quite like that. In this exact moment, there weren’t so many crimes to fight or aliens planning a massive invasion to enslave the human race, something that J’onn was very grateful for. While the director finished his paperwork, Winn had left to meet James and Alex was out looking for her sister. If she wasn't at CatCo or L-Corp, she was definitely not around there.
“What are you doing?” Alex asked as she caught an almost childish scene of Supergirl sitting on the floor, crossed legs on a warehouse floor.
“Hey, Alex” she was very focused.
“Are you… are you drawing again?” she sat down beside the blond, catching a glimpse of random papers and a picture of Lena in the center “is this Lena?”
“Yes” her cheeks reddened “I’m… er, making a surprise”
“Can you tell me about it?” her sister’s blue eyes lighted with the request. She was expecting a lesson or a monologue from her sister, but not that interest, which excited and rejoiced her.
“Well, I took her to go shopping and...well, a little… how can I say it?” Kara felt her face blush again “a little incident happened, but it wasn’t anything serious! I swear! I just… noticed she’s insecure about her body and… I can’t really understand it but I just don’t want Lena to feel like that, you know?
“Okay,” Alex smiled “so what are you planning on doing?”
“I’m going to make her a board with all her pregnancy phases, like those on Pinterest” she smiled in excitement “but I wanted to give it some personal touch, so instead of just putting the pictures I’m going to take, I’m also drawing them and creating an aesthetic to each one.”
“This is wonderful, Kara” Alex was sincere and for that, a bit of dismay was noticeable in her words “Lena truly needs something that will make her feel confident about this whole mess, especially about her body.”
“How.... how do you know that” she frowned “is just… you’re so sure saying this… Did Lena say something to you?”
And at that moment, Alex was unsure of her words. There wasn’t any problem of course, that she was friends with the Luthor and she liked that. The issue was that this ‘new’ friendship was her sister’s best friend and she didn’t know how Kara would react to that news. Which was ironic, given that the blond always wanted for her to get along with Lena, for them to be somewhat close, close enough that she’d stop calling her by her last name. However, to want something to happen and then to see that it happened could bring some contradictory feelings.
Kara had never shown any signs of jealousy but it wasn’t like she ever had a reason to show them. Lena was her best friend and Alex was her sister.
“I've been talking to her, for...well, it’s been some weeks” she confessed flatly and frowned looking at the confusion in her sister’s face “we hung out after game night and also went out last week but it wasn’t anything serious, we just talked and chilled” at this point Alex was searching for any miserable sight of a positive reaction from Kara.
“Oh… I wasn’t… expecting that” she sighed and forced a smile trying to show her sister she was happy with her acquaintance. She was happy, right? “but I’m glad.”
“Kara, I’m not here to take your place in her life” Alex kept going “Lena is your best friend, and I....”
“It’s okay, Alex, I promise” the blond held the redhead’s hands and shot a truer smile, even though something deep down was still bothering her. She couldn’t quite put a name to it, it didn’t feel like jealousy and that frightened her.
“Don’t lie to me, please. I know you’re bottling up so many things that you don’t want to talk about” she stared at Kara’s eyes “but you know you can’t talk to me, right?”
“I know, don’t worry about it and… wait” she interrupted her line of thought “why are we talking about me? You don’t look well and if someone here is bottling things up, it’s you” Alex turned her face, not liking the way that was going “I have barely seen Maggie these days… it’s about her, isn’t it?”
“It’s… complicated” she sighed. There were many unresolved issues that she kept to herself and didn’t know how to explain them or to make Kara understand them without feeling guilty. The younger Danvers always had that habit.
“Talk to me” Kara almost pleaded. The redhead smiled faintly and nodded.
“Since… we found out about Lena’s pregnancy. Maggie and I talked about having children” Alex started feeling her heartache “we were both very nervous because we had never spoken about it, after all, it’s still… early” she chuckled nervously “but since you were going to be a mom or something like that, we had that conversation and I told her that I dreamt about being a mother, of having someone that loved me unconditionally and anyway… you know all that…” Kara nodded “but… Maggie doesn’t want…”
Supergirl frowned and suddenly her brain was a mess. What did she mean?
“Maggie, she...wait...how?” she stared at her sister “she doesn’t want… it?”
“No” her voice shuddered “we didn’t go back to that subject, but… I don’t know what to do, Kara. I’m not giving up on her but…”
“You don’t want to give up being a mom” Kara completed and finally saw the big picture of what was happening. She looked at the drawing she had made of her pregnant friend and observed the way Alex sighed heavily looking at them. All those weeks she had been filling her sister with new information and updates on the baby and didn’t even notice that those things were, in a way, hurting her “oh, Alex… forgive me, I don’t… I should’ve controlled myself and my excitement, I didn’t even notice it was upsetting you, and I…”
“No, Kara no” Alex held her little sister’s wavering hands again “this has nothing to do with you or Lena, it’s only about me and Maggie. I’m really happy that you’re getting so involved because I know how much your friend needs it” once again, the kryptonian felt that weird feeling but ignored it. It wasn’t fair, even though she wasn’t what she was feeling, Alex deserved someone like the Luthor and she also wanted Lena to have someone like her sister.
They were family after all.
“I love Maggie, Kara” Alex's eyes were teary and the blond noticed the dark circles around them. There were no doubts about her sister’s love for that officer “and we’re… we’re going to figure this out. I promise you.
“I just wish I knew what to do or how to help you…” she sighed “I hate seeing you sad.”
“I know, but it will pass.”
“Hey, I’m the one supposed to be consoling here” Kara grumbled “I’m sorry, about all of this…but you can always talk to me, vent to me… I’ll keep trying my best to make things better, always” she pushed her for a tight hug, letting Alex hide her face in her hair “I love you so much.”
“I love you too” Alex sighed “today is ultrasound day, right” she changed the subject quickly.
“Yes!” Kara was excited “we’re entering the tenth week!”
“Are you still not telling me why this kid is so important to you? Other than, of course, that it is your child and Lena is the other mother” she commented watching the blond turn red “oh, c’mon Kara, we’ve been through this and I know you’re in love with her.”
“Hey!” she complained and was about to continue but was interrupted by J’onn, knocking on the open door. “yes, boss?”
“We have an emergency near the docks, we need Supergirl” he warned.
“Phew, saved by the bell” she exhaled and got up. So Alex grabbed her arm before she could run away.
“You’re not escaping this conversation” she teased “I’m keeping an eye on you” and pointed two fingers to the other woman. Kara didn’t answer, just used her superspeed to leave the place as fast as she could. She wasn’t ready to say a thing about that subject.
Kara did all the DEO asked her to until lunchtime, making it very clear to her boss that she was taking Lena to her second ultrasound that afternoon. J’onn still insisted on bringing the Luthor in so they could make specific exams on the child, like checking if the baby could mean any danger, for they didn’t know what could happen with human and alien DNA mixed, especially kryptonian DNA. But, as always, Supergirl didn’t discuss or let him convince her. The department was not laying one finger on that baby.
As Kara entered her friend’s office hallway, Jess shot her the same friendly smile and nodded her head indicating she could go in. She never really gave much thought to the CEO’s secretary, Jess seemed to appreciate their friendship, for she knew Lena felt good and needed someone like Kara Danvers by her side. But as much as she agreed, there was still a bit of hesitancy on her part. The blond was unaware of how much Jess cared about Lena and didn’t know what they had between them because Lena had made very clear, many times, that they weren’t friends, not in the profound and specific sense of the word anyway, but that the secretary truly cared about her wellbeing.
Leaving these thoughts behind, the younger Danvers could already hear the two hearts beating in harmony on the other side of the door. The same feelings always overwhelmed her soul. Security, love, and hope. For any other person, having a child could mean a blessing or a tragedy, but for Kara, it was far from both situations. It pained her deeply that she had to keep her feelings to herself, either they were good or bad, and it ached in her chest not being able to spit them out. She noticed the way Alex paid attention to her actions, words, and mood, no matter how well she hid all of it. She didn’t want to tell, didn’t want to vent. Those were her fears, her anguishes and no one could truly understand what was going on in her heart.
She opened the door quietly and found a concentrated Luthor reading some important document, one hand on the papers and the other on her belly. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by her anymore, it was an obvious habit for people who knew her well. Kara smiled lovingly. The last three months had gone by in a blink of an eye, so fast and intense. She didn’t have time to organize her emotions or to process what required processing. Was she confused? Yes, she was. Was she afraid? Very. She had never been so terrified in her entire life. But as she saw her friend so calmly reading something complicated, at least she always found those things complex, her heart sank in an overwhelming feeling of peace.
It was no surprise to anyone, or herself, that she had feelings for her best friend. It was clear. So stupidly obvious. But after all, who wouldn’t fall for her?
Kara took a deep breath and tried not to lose herself in those irises that looked more like a pair of emeralds. Lena looked at her and smiled, and her whole world lighted up in milliseconds. It was funny to think about how much they had grown together in so little time and how much Kara didn’t realize she was losing. her despair and confusion made her blind to the intimacy they were sharing in so few weeks. However, the blond could still see how extraordinary Lena was. The way she could change her face from intimidating and serious to something calm and affectionate. The way she could be distant and cold to those she didn’t know or trusted and also be so lovingly and extremely warm to those she loved and cared about.
All the CEO’s singularities and details overly enchanted the younger Danvers. She knew her so well, or at least that’s what she thought. She knew Lena disliked when her personal space was disrespected, or when she wasn’t taken seriously in work meetings, or when they diminished her for being a Luthor. She knew by memory all her favorite songs, she knew her friend had had a few piercings and an emo phase when she was a teenager, she adored it when she was speechless and smirked, not knowing how to react to a positive reaction. Truth was that the Luthor never knew how to respond to a compliment.
Rao, Kara could spend hours like that, listing everything that made her fall even harder for her best friend. But she didn’t have time now.
Besides, when she remembered the conversation with her sister she could feel her heartache a little. Alex was right about her not knowing certain details about the CEO. And that made her sad, worried. What more did she have to know about a woman that so confidently ran a multimillionaire company and still had time for a reporter like her? And what did Lena tell Alex that she wouldn’t tell her best friend? Had she done something wrong? Crossed a line? Rao! So many questions and fears that she didn’t know where to start. She never thought her life would have turned upside down, like these last weeks, and she feared that at some point it would all fall apart.
“Kara!” Lena got up to hug her “you’re early.”
“Uh… I’m...done with some articles” she lied “I hope I’m not disturbing…”
“Of course not, you never do” she pointed to the couch and they sat down “is something wrong?” Lena noticed the other’s somewhat disappointed face “did anything happen?”
“No!” Kara smiled and fixed her glasses nervously “nothing...happened.”
“Liar” she teased “you know you can tell me anything and that you are a terrible liar, right?” the blond felt her body tense “this whole pregnancy thing and me being so stressed does drain a lot from you. Kara, I don’t want you to worry so much…” she sighed “you don’t need to accompany me in every consult or…”
“Lena, no” Kara held her hands “it’s not that, I want to be with you in every consult and I want to help you… feel good… even if it’s hard for me to understand what… what you feel…”
There was a moment of silence and all the words unsaid, and the unshared feelings and worries floated around them. Lena wanted to say how she really felt, how anguishing it was to be pregnant when she didn’t even want to be a mother or how she wanted to go back three months and change what happened. It wasn’t fair to her, it wasn't. How did people expect someone like her, a Luthor, a person that knew nothing about maternity to be psychologically able and to raise such a fragile and vulnerable being like that baby and not turn it into a copy of her brother Lex?
And there was still much more. That was the tip of the iceberg.
How could she, supposedly, accept that she was expecting a baby from someone that didn’t love her and still drag her best friend into this mess? Lena loved Kara, not Supergirl. How could she expect that someday the younger Danvers would fall for someone like her? Someone linked to a woman like the girl of steel, someone who would always carry the burden of having a deep connection to the town’s hero? Looking at the blond had become so much more painful than before. She would do anything to take that sadness from her blue eyes.
Kara seemed disappointed and the Luthor feared it was because of her mistake.
Lena had lost control over her life, that was the truth. And until those six months and two weeks were over, she had to deal with that fact. Her body had been violated and now Lena had to regain the confidence that took her so long to get, It was funny because most women are insecure about their shape and form, always wanting to change a minor detail. For the CEO it wasn’t like that and she took pride in it. She could change whatever she wanted in her body but she never felt the need to. Something that she always, always loved about herself was her control and security about her image and physic.
Because her body belonged only to her. No one could take that away was what she thought. Until now. It was stolen from her.
“Why do I have the feeling you’re hiding something?” Lena questioned inquisitively and the blond paled.
“I… er, how… what do you mean?” she stuttered and fixed the glasses again “Hiding? Ho-how…”
“You have this habit” she explained “of hiding what you really feel and giving too much of yourself to people you think need it more than you do. What happened in those two months when you disappeared? That you didn’t answer my calls, my texts. Why do you…” she sighed. Not wanting to ask her friend that but her concerns were greater than what she wanted or not “why don’t you ever talk about him?”
Kara sighed not knowing how to respond. Of course, they would have to talk about her absence in those two months after the daxamite invasion at some point. It was easier to hide, pretend that she didn’t feel anything or that it didn’t hurt. But it wasn’t like that and her friends thought the reason for her disorientation and sadness was because of losing Mon-El in such a brutal and drastic way. And it wasn’t. The real reason wasn’t that. Sure, having to say goodbye to him unsure if he was going to be okay, or survive, or escape in time still haunted her. Her greatest fear was she might have sent her ex boyfriend to an extremely scary, unknown future.
She would never forgive herself for that.
“I’m sorry…” Lena quickly changed her posture, thinking she crossed a line. It didn’t even surprise her, it was an incorrigible habit. At some point, Lena always ruined a relationship, whether romantic or friendly “I didn’t mean to…”
“Because it still hurts” she interrupted “because it drives me crazy not knowing what happened to him. I don’t… I don’t know what to feel, Lena. I thought… I thought I loved him, I thought Mike was…
“The one” she completed and Kara nodded.
“But he never was, I think” the blond continued “after I saw myself without him by my side… it was like… like a weight lifted off my back and it only made me feel worse” she grimaced “Mike always made me feel guilty for not having enough time for us or for paying too much attention to work, or even for taking time to lunch with you and not him. That’s why I… I tried to change, you know? Because he loved me I had to… love him back…”
So that was the truth. Not that the CEO didn’t already know, because if she had to be honest, she hated that boy. Many times Lena picked up calls from a crying or extremely upset Kara because he treated her like an owner like she and her choices were his. many times she heard her friend complain about how she couldn’t reciprocate her boyfriend’s feelings, how she struggled with her attention between work, her friends, and that Mon-El that demanded all of it. Inside her chest, Lena felt rage, sadness and uncomparable loathe towards the daxamite, how could someone like Mike make someone like Kara feel guilty?
“I knew that Mike had wrong concepts and contrary opinions to mine but I was bought that opposite attracts theory and that people change for love” Kara confessed “and Alex said I should allow myself to give it a shot and I also helped me, I don’t know… is it wrong that I feel relieved? Not… by the fact he is lost somewhere in outer space, but by the idea that his presence isn’t here to make me feel…”
“Wrong?” The warm and shiny blue in the blond’s eyes got new shades as the confessions escaped her lips. Lena had all of them memorized.
“Yeah…” she sighed “I know this sounds like selfishness… and it must be, a little… I think.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being selfish, Kara” Lena intertwined their fingers “It’s not because someone loves you or likes you that you’re obliged to feel the same. That’s a very wrong idea” she explained “you, more than anyone else know my opinion on… Mike” she forced herself to say his name “I never talked about it because it wasn’t and still isn’t my business. But it worries me that, in a way, he treated you as an object and not as someone who can break” Lena sighed “I notice the way you run, how you never put yourself first and think self-care is selfishness. Kara, if you don’t put yourself first, you can’t expect anyone to do it for you” she smiled tenderly and stared at her intensely, trying to speak all her affection in one look “be selfish, at least once. I’m not your priority and can take care of myself.”
“I know you can” Kara looked away. She wasn’t able to deal with that impetuousness now “but I… I don’t feel forced to anything when I’m with you. It’s easy, it’s fun and you’re my best friend.”
“I just don’t want you to get overly involved in this pregnancy and end up getting hurt in the future” she sounded sure “Seedy…”
“It’s still yours” her voice came out sweet “for now she is still yours.”
“I can’t… get attached” Lena confessed “I’m not the best at it and I don’t even know what to do with children.”
“Will you let me help?” she asked tenderly “I’m not here to change your opinion or your choices, but let me help you see the other side of it.”
“I don’t want you to be disappointed, I’m not maternal, Kara” their eyes met again “and I still can’t” she sighed. Her tears wanted to roll and Lena wouldn’t allow it. Not again.
“Hey, deep breaths” Kara rested an arm on her shoulder “today we’re going to the ultrasound and then I want to take you somewhere special. No sad tears, okay?”
“Okay” she took those deep breaths “I hope I don’t cry the next for years after Seedy is born. I’m dead serious.”
“Crying is good, Lena” Kara commented “I… may I?” she pointed a finger to the Luthor’s belly, gesturing to touch it. Lena hesitated for a few seconds, unsure of which wall inside herself was about to crumble at any given moment, at any touch given by Kara in that sensitive part of her body. There was a child in there, she knew that but anytime other people made her feel that truth, it hurt. And her walls fell because she was falling in love with that feeling “If not… can’t… er, forget it…”
“Yes,” she interrupted her, taking her friend’s hand and calmly placing it on her belly. Lena closed her eyes instantly leaving all her fears aside and accepting the despair of being good for someone that depended so much on her. She didn’t want to let that child down “Can you feel it?”
“It’s warmer” Kara smiled amazed and knelt beside her hand, placing her ear right next to it and letting her hair fall on her friend's lap.
The world stopped. There were no other sounds, no people, or any problem.
There was just the fast-paced and strong heart from the one she was going to call son. She felt the tears urging to fall but limited herself to deep breaths. Her fingers caressed the CEO’s skirt tissue and the love she was feeling was capable of tearing her apart. Lena observed the scene: Kara laying on her belly, caressing it and sending shivers through her body. Kara, her best friend, the one who believed her questionless, never doubted her. Kara, the most loving and warm person she had ever met, the woman that made her want to understand and accept the good emotions that could come from unwanted pregnancy.
Her hands felt the blond her on her lap and soon a sweet voice echoed through the room.
“Don’t make your mom cry, alright?” Kara whispered, “she is keeping you warm in there and she needs your strength, though you know nothing about being strong yet…” she smiled her cheeks reddened as she realized what she was doing “if you promise me that, I’ll bring you ice cream after lunch every day” she lowered her voice pretending it was secrecy.
“Kara!” Lena exclaimed and the kryptonian cackled.
“Let’s go to the appointment, mama bear” she teased “but I want ice cream…” Kara pouted making Lena laugh.
“Apparently we have two children here.”
The ultrasound was less embarrassing than Lena thought was going to be. Unlike the other time, she didn’t have to take all her clothes off, only unbutton the lower part of her shirt and her skirt. Luckily Seedy, who was now a grape, was well and growing normally. Doctor Cameron ordered more exams, then asked about nausea and gave the thrilling news that those would probably pass right after the third semester. She also said that the hunger would continue, alongside her skin and breasts' sensitivity, because they were preparing to feed. Just the simple thought of having someone depending on her to get fed made the CEO tear up.
However, a new thought occurred to her: if she gave the child up to adoption, they would never be fed naturally again. And that saddened her. Theoretically, babies needed that connection to their mother. But Lena didn’t want to be a mother, so why did that matter? According to the books Kara gave her, breastfeeding not only optimized that mother/son relationship but also secured their health. Until they were six months old, the baby’s immune system wasn’t completely developed and so they were dependent on the mother’s milk to be protected.
While the Luthor wondered her doubts and fears, Kara tried to understand the friend’s feelings during those consults. Did she feel pain? Panic? Or did Lena think something was being taken from her? Her freedom and well-planned life for example. She didn’t know how to approach that subject and also didn’t want her to start crying. So, she decided she would wait. Wait for Lena to feel comfortable enough to tell her how she really felt, deep in her soul. She wouldn’t make her say it, she didn’t have the right.
“Where are we going?” Lena asked, feeling the car slow down and the driver looking for a place to park “I’m starving.”
“Again?” Kara asked impulsively. They had eaten half an hour ago.
“Are you going to judge me? You?” she arched an eyebrow.
“Me?” the blond laughed “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure” Lena provoked “my best friend is another starving blond. Maybe you are Supergirl” Kara choked and her phone slipped through her hands.
“Hey… I’m not… you” she fumbled and Lena chortled.
“I’m just teasing you, it’s okay. Though you did choose this child over me.”
“Jealous much?” Kara smirked, “I never thought Lena Luthor would feel disadvantaged to a baby.”
“I’m going to start crying and you’re not going to like it, don’t toy with my feelings” she answered sarcastically but the blond had a hard time understanding that. Hence, she pulled her into a tight hug, feeling anxious.
“No, please” Kara sighed “you’re my favorite, you know that.”
“I do, I was just joking” she laughed “I need to breathe, Kara…”
“Right” she cleared her throat “I knew… I already knew that…”
“Again, where are we?” Lena looked through the window “We’re not going to take long, right? I still have to get ready for dinner.”
“Oh, Ra-God” Kara corrected herself quickly, smacking her forehead “the dinner!”
“And you said that with a surprising voice because…?” she raised a brow “you forgot.”
“I did” she frowned.
“I don’t have to…”
“I’ll be there” she interrupted before Lena could start the same speech “I just don’t know… what to wear.”
“Don’t worry about that” Lena smiled calmly “your clothes are perfectly adequate for dinner.”
“Okay.” she sighed unsurely. Of course her flannel shirts and khaki pants weren't a good choice. Damn it.
They got out of the car and Lena asked the driver to wait wherever suited him better, after all, she didn’t know how much time they were going to take. What kind of place was that? She paid attention to the details and started making notes. There was a showcase exposing various products for pregnant women, babies, and a few baby carriages. It didn’t look like a big or luxurious place, more like a simple store hidden between normal houses and other little stores. In fact, that was more of a residential neighborhood, the houses were surrounded by green gardens and kids toys.
Kara guided Lena inside and greeted the lady standing behind the desk. They walked through the side hallway to the back, where there were two small rooms and an open area with tables and chairs perfectly placed under blue sunblinds. Also, many vases filled with different, colorful flowers composed the simple and cozy decoration. But, what caught the Luthor’s attention was the men sitting on a sofa and a group of women laughing walking around the tables.
What the fuck was that place?
“Kara, where are we?” Lena asked, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. She trusted her friend but hated not knowing what was happening.
“I… er…” she scratched the back of her neck and felt her cheeks burn “right…. I don’t know how to explain.”
“You can start from the beginning” Lena crossed her arms “what are we doing here?”
“Hey!” a blond lady approached them smiling with excitement “are you two new here?”
“Yes,” the younger Danvers answered, frowning, feeling the weight of her friend’s eye on her.
“Welcome!” she exclaimed “I’m the owner of the store and also one of the teachers, my name is Zara, nice to meet you” Zara introduced herself shaking Kara’s hand “What are your names?”
“I’m Kara and this is Lena” she pointed to her friend, who was still quiet, which frightened her a bit.
“Right, Lena, how many months?” Zara turned to the Luthor and smiled. Lena shot a confused look at Kara.
“How do you know I’m pregnant?”
“I’ve worked with this longer than you can imagine, dear” she answered kindly “our class is about to begin so go to the first room to the right and choose your seats, okay?”
“We’ll go soon, we just need to… talk” Kara shook her head nervously. Her fright grew gradually. She knew she should have asked Alex whether that was a good idea or not. Shit.
The blond lady left them and went to call the others. Only then Lena realized all people there were couples and all ladies were pregnant. She started getting it slowly and turned to look at her friend. Of course, she had nothing to worry about, it’s not like anyone there was going to harm her. She took a deep breath and tried not to panic. It was clear in Kara’s blue eyes that her intentions were the best and that she was as red as a tomato from nervousness.
“Can you begin to explain it to me, please?” Lena asked. Her breathing wasn’t of help and being there made her extremely uncomfortable.
“Uh… I kind of enrolled in some classes… for… pregnant women” she explained frowning “I’m sorry…. I, God! I should have asked you or asked for my sister’s opinion… I’m sorry.”
“Classes for pregnant? That’s a thing?” she laughed “and what are we, supposedly, learning here.”
“Er… many things” Kara made funny gestured with her hands and Lena chuckled “how to deal with symptoms, how to take care of a baby and there are other parents here too! I thought… I thought it might help you not feel so lost” and help me too, Kara thought but kept to herself.
“Right” Lena sighed. She didn’t feel like staying and wanted much less to be around other pregnant women. But, how could she say no to that cute, frowning 5 foot 9 of blue eyes and cuteness?
Fuck. Damned hormones.
“We’re going to participate in one class and if I don’t enjoy it…”
“We’re never coming back, I promise” the blond jumped in excitement “pinky promise!
“And what pinky promising is, exactly?” Lena questioned.
“Oh, God!” she extended an arm of chivalry for her friend “you have so much to learn” she teased.
“And would my life be without you, right?” Lena used her best ironic tone and accepted the arm “my hero” she whispered teasingly, seeing the red creep in Kara’s cheeks.
After reaching an agreement about the classes, Kara asked Lena to put on something more comfortable, since the practical parts of the class were on the floor. And, of course, the blond had come prepared with a change of clothes for her friend. Each couple was sitting on small mattresses, mommies in the front and daddies behind. The room wasn’t big but the decoration was very charming. Pastel blue, pink, and yellow mixed together and harmonized the walls and furniture. Some dolls and books were also displayed on the shelves, alongside baby utensils, and books and articles about pregnancy and babies. Lena had never seen so many things regarding pregnancy in one room.
They picked one of the mattresses left and set on the half-circle the other participants had formed, facing a small whiteboard hanging on the central wall. It was completely bizarre for Lena to think she and her best friend were next to so many couples, about to have children, and they didn’t even date or were about to be mothers. It seemed like they were frauds. There were two couples, one to their left and the other to their right and, as the Luthor accommodated herself beside Kara she felt someone touch her shoulder and quickly turned to face who it was.
“Are you Lena Luthor?” A dark-haired woman asked, smiling.
Lena automatically prepared herself for the worse. Her brain went to defense mode in a matter of seconds, ready to strike back against any mean or cynical comment about her reputation. Of course, she thought to herself, at some point someone would recognize her and ask her how could she bear a child. A defenseless, innocent being, dragged into the hell that was her family. Her mind was accustomed to hearing unjust criticism about herself, but her heart ached a bit, knowing it was going to be related to her brother and mother.
“Of course you are, I’d recognize those eyebrows anywhere!” the woman kept going excited, she had somewhat latino traces, Lena raised an eyebrow, more aware of them. Another cold hand touched her arm and she turned again, finding a beautiful pair of light brown eyes staring at her.
“I can’t believe we're going to have you here, I didn’t even know you were pregnant!” the woman was agitated “by the way, I loved the outfit you wore for Forbes the day after the alien invasion” she winked “I wish I was that beautiful and powerful to be on the cover of something that isn’t old portraits in my house.”
Okay, the CEO was definitely not expecting that. They weren’t criticizing her or quoting her mistakes in alphabetical order. Had she become some sort of female icon? No, that wasn’t possible. Lena could never be such a thing. But looking at the two women beside her, all she saw was admiration and pride, like she was a step forward for women. And no, she had no idea how to deal with that. She had dry and quick answers on the tip of her tongue, dripping with sarcasm, but what would her response be for that affection?
Lena felt like crying and cursed herself for that.
“You can cry, get all those hormones out before you explode” the latina smiled “the first trimester, right?” Lena nodded and felt Kara’s hands caress her back silently.
“How do you know that?” she asked back curiously. Why did everyone suddenly know when she was due to? “Is that some kind of superpower pregnants have?”
“I’m Ramona,” the other woman said smiling “and no, Julie is on her second pregnancy so she knows things by memory. We end up memorizing it.
“Nice to meet you” Julie smiled “don’t worry, the crying phase ends soon and then you get to the angry stage. You’re going to feel like murdering the first person who leaves a wet towel on the bed or forgets to put the toilet lid down.” she punched her husband lightly, who was very concentrated on his phone.
“I prefer being angry than crying” Lena confessed “and about this pregnancy… I…
“Don’t worry about it” Ramona held her arm carefully “here you’re just another pregnant lady filled with annoying hormones and weird desires” she winked and Lena chuckled.
“And who is this blond with you” Julie pointed to Kara “I’m glad we have a lesbian couple, at least now I can know what would it be like if I had married a woman. Men are a pain in the ass.” she looked over to her husband, unaware of the conversation.
“I bet sex with women is a hundred times best than with men” Ramona whispered and Kara felt like burying her head in the first hole she could find “by the way, you make a beautiful couple.”
Oh, Rao. That was all she needed.
“If your baby is born with her smile I will be obliged to offer my oldest son in marriage” the other woman joked “boy or girl, doesn’t matter.”
“Kara is just…” Lena tried to explain but was interrupted by the teacher they had talked to earlier “I’m sorry…” she whispered to her friend. Kara smiled tenderly and searched for her hand, intertwining their fingers.
“Good afternoon, mommies and daddies” the teacher spoke, excited “thank you for joining us for another class and today we have a new couple with us” she pointed to Lena and Kara, who almost choked together with the ‘couple’ part “welcome! Today we are going to talk about food and eating during pregnancy and our practical lesson will be about the basic needs we are going to have to deal with during the first year of the baby’s life. Now, please, each daddy take one doll and the utensils I left separated” she pointed to the enormous table “then take your seats again.”
The men got up and, when Lena moved to follow them, Kara held her lightly by the wrist, making it clear she was taking that role during the classes. Not that Lena minded being both roles for the baby because, in truth, she already thought she was going to be the two. Even if she decided against giving the baby up for adoption, the CEO didn’t expect Supergirl to come and help her raise that child. She was going to be a single mom, dedicating her whole self to maternity, and would not be disappointed to represent everything that child needed.
However, that wasn’t the way things went and she felt a bit relieved, knowing her best friend was so willing to dive her whole self into that adventure.
“Two babies?” Lena questioned turning to Ramona and her husband.
“Twins” she answered, gently caressing her belly “I’m four months in.”
“Oh…” she had never met anyone expecting two babies at the same time “and… does it hurt?”
“Not really, it’s just more tiresome” she shook her shoulders. The Luthor thought it was amazing how the lady looked so unconcerned and carefree, even knowing she was about to mother two at the same time “though I eat for three people and soon will be looking like a whale.” Ramona sighed making Lena and Julie laugh.
“What exactly do we have to do?” Kara asked, walking back to the group and carefully giving the doll to her friend. “this bag weighs about eleven pounds, I’m not kidding.”
“Be prepared, mommy” Julie teased “the tendency is only to get heavier.”
“Okay!” the teacher called for attention “it’s important for everyone to know that it’s not only the mom’s job to change diapers, wake up six times per night and do all the chores relating to the baby” she shot a fun look to the men “it’s time for everyone to participate and I assure you are not going to regret it.”
“What is this for?” the blond whispered to the CEO.
“I have no idea.”
“The first step is: know the phases of a child” Zara continued “newborns usually are easier to change diapers because their movements are still slow and their reflexes are still in development. However, they cry a lot!”
“Excuse me!” a tall, incredibly thin, and pretty woman abruptly opened the door and smiled “I’m sorry, got stuck in traffic.”
“No problem, Emily” Zara greeted her and pointed to an empty mattress “please come in and take a seat. Oh, also grab one of the dolls, please.”
Lena observed the dark-haired woman walk through the room, she had piercing blue eyes and the noise from her thin high heels echoed with each confident step she took, the CEO wondered where her partner was, after all, that was a couple’s class. Not that she was judging, Kara and she were far from being a couple and Lena didn’t even think about committed relationships right now. Dating only brought frustrations and complications and the last thing she needed was another problem to deal with. A pregnancy was enough trouble to go through and Lena was glad to have the blond by her side to give her support and a helping hand. However, it was strange to see that Emily lady look so sure of herself, wearing that dress glued to her Victoria’s Secrets alike body, her belly only showing a small shadow underneath the tissue.
“As I was saying” Zara cleared and throat “your baby’s first month will be frightening and even a cause of desperation. You will see him so little and fragile that you will be afraid of hurting him, but you don’t have to be.” she smiled warmly “if you know how to keep calm and deal with the baby tenderly, your child will soon get used to your touch and begin to recognize it. That said, today I will show you some diaper brands, types of wet wipes, antiallergic medication, rash and roasting cream, and other important things.” the teacher sat on the floor in front of the class and laid her doll over the mattress. “lay your babies over the changer and remove their clothes carefully, remember: they are very fragile. After you’ve undressed them, it’s time to change the diaper.”
“What is a changer?” Kara asked nervously, taking all the clothes out of the enormous bag “why are there so many things here?”
“I don’t know, don’t look at me like I’m the expert here” Lena grumbled. All couples had already found the objects with ease and were waiting for further instructions “Christ, who needs all that? It's just a baby!” Lena said exasperated, trying to find the damned changer.
“Here” Ramona took the small, rectangular blanket, one side soft fur, and the other plastic. “this side up.”
“Thank you,” Kara murmured and sighed. Rao, that was hard!
“How do you unbutton this?” Lena was looking for the zipper but all she found was a ton of buttons “honestly, I have machined on the lab that is easier to use.”
“Lena!” the blond laughed “Seedy isn’t a machine” she sighed “how does that woman manage to do all this alone?” Kara pointed, not so discreetly, to Emily.
“I don’t know but I won’t let her do better than me.” the CEO affirmed and suddenly felt determined. She was a Luthor and would not allow for someone like that, and younger than her to defy her and win. She was not going to let that strange woman put her to shame.
“Oh, are we competitive today?” Kara teased.
“Don’t provoke me and make yourself useful” the CEO mode was activated and the kryptonian couldn't help to find it hot “aha! It’s not that complicated, is it?” Lena cheered “Let’s get to the next phase.”
“We’re not in a game, Lena” the blond was amused.
“Always showing off” Julie commented and frowned, staring at the solitary woman on the other side of the room “ugh, she pisses me off so much.”
“Who? That Emily?” Lena whispered, hit with curiosity.
“Yes, her” Ramona answered “miss beautiful who happens to be a single mother, which is fine, obviously. What annoys me is that she’s so…” she pointed to the woman, making funny gestures “Emily is five months pregnant and looks like a Kardashian, not to mention that she’s great in everything she does.”
“Five months!” Kara widen her eyes “her stomach looks like mine when I finish lunch!”
“That’s because you eat for three, darling” Lena smiled “and you’re not pregnant with twins.”
“Take the diapers, cream, and wet wipes!” the teacher instructed. She talked non-stop about the various types of food and nutrients in each type of meal. To be fairly honest, the Luthor didn’t mind what she needed to eat, as long as she was capable of not murdering anyone out of hunger.
“On which side do you put this?” the blond asked, lost. Lena was sitting beside her, legs crossed, looking confusedly at the doll “is this turned to the front?”
“I think it’s back” Lena retorted “does it matter?”
“The drew side is always front” Julie explained, fixing the diaper that was put completely wrong “if there isn’t any drawing, the flaps are always next to the bum, see?”
“You don’t need to panic” Ramona calmed them “we’re not in a fire simulation.”
“It would be better if we were” Lena grumbled. She observed Emily from the corner of her eye and envy crawled into her chest. How did that model prototype manage to be so perfect? Fuck!
“Darling, can you help me with my bra?” Ramona called her husband and loosed the strap, asking if that was alright “God, I think my boobs are going to explode! Does your nipple get sensitive as hell too?” she questioned the CEO “who looks at my shirt thinks my horny 24/7, it’s embarrassing.”
Kara felt her cheeks burn and put her full attention to changing the doll’s diapers. Although she knew or had an idea, that her friend was going through the same thing, it was different to hear it said out loud. Not to mention her mind wandered far, imagining if Lena had sensitive nipples. Rao! How could she think about that? Kara shook her head in a useless effort to get that image out of her mind. They were just friends. Friends who are going to have a baby, she thought to herself.
“Like you aren’t!” Julie shot back “I could have sex five times a day!”
Oh, Rao. Not that subject.
“Uh, and how do you deal with that?” Ramona smirked, “long showers are good to relax.”
“Sometimes I feel like I could come with just someone breathing beside me and my boobs… God!” Lena exclaimed, still entertained with the fake child’s clothes. Kara almost choked on her tongue and her face was red as a tomato, she coughed hard and forgot how to breathe “hey, are you okay?” Lena turned to her and hit the blond’s back lightly “deep breaths.”
“I hope your wife deals well with it” Julie continued and looked at Kara. The Luthor felt her whole body react to the term ‘wife’ “it’s still six months of that libido to go.”
“In doubt, keep a vibrator in your drawer” Ramona smirked and Kara, on the peak of nervousness, squeezed the cream too hard, making the white, perfumed cream fall on her jeans.
Rao, she was out of control. In no time her brain constructed the not so innocent image of her best friend with a vibrator. Rao! What did Lena mean about someone breathing next to her? Did her friend feel like that with her?
Nope. Kara did not want to know.
“Okay, let’s move to the next lesson and then we’re approaching a delicious subject” Zara laughed “sex and masturbation” the couples laughed along.
Once again, the blond squeezed the cylinder, and what was left of the cream feel on the floor. She was going to die, she was sure. There was no more salvation for Kara Danvers after that class.
Rao, why did she always have the worst ideas?
Alex didn’t stop laughing after she heard every detail about the unusual and bizarre class her sister attended. Her stomach was hurting and spilled half the water she was drinking. Never one day Alex thought she would hear her little sister grumble so nervously about such a subject. Sure, Kara was annoyingly innocent and absurdly slow during most conversations. However, when it came to Lena Luthor, the redhead noticed certain reactions from the blond that she was unable to contain. Alex wished she filmed all times her sister hid her face between her hands and whimpered about how embarrassed it was when the teacher mentioned the many ways to achieve orgasm alone. Or how to stimulate their partners to enjoy that phase as well.
Certainly, Kara was not going to help the CEO with that and she didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Rao, her brain was about to explode and all her brain cells were exhausted.
“Do you know there are more than five typed of wet wipers? And that newborns poop four times a day and that can breastfeed every hour?” Kara continued rambling.
“I guess so” Alex wiped the tears rolling from the laughing “now thrice that amount since it’s your child.”
“Rao!” the blond threw herself on the sofa “Seedy is going to eat twice as much as a normal baby.”
“Poor, Lena” she took a sip of water and changed the subject “what do you have planned for dinner? Have you chosen your outfit yet? Are you ready to meet your mother in law?”
“Oh, shi..oot!” Kara hid her face again “I didn’t even stop to think, Lilian is Seedy’s grandmother. How bad is that?”
“I don’t know, but the irony is amusing” the redhead smirked.
“Alex there is nothing funny about it” she whimpered “we’re talking about Lilian Luthor, who hates all my family, will be the grandmother of a kryptonian.
“Karma really is a bitch” Alex commented and saw her sister roll eyes “imagine if it leaked on a magazine: Lena Luthor, mother of aliens.”
“Alex!” the redhead snorted again and tried to breathe.
“Okay, I’m done. But I would give everything to be at this dinner.”
“And you are, you promised!” Kara complained “or I’ll put my suit underneath my clothes.”
“Absolutely not!” the agent got serious “it’s too risky and we’re having other guests there. You’re going to take a shower, get ready, and put on the clothes I specially chose for you. Meanwhile, I and my team will be paying close attention to any sign of danger near your mother in law’s house.”
“Ugh, Alex!” Kara whimpered nervously “she’s not my mother in law. I hate you so much!”
“C’mon, Romeu” Alex pulled her closer “time for a shower.”
Kara, still upset and extremely lost, ran to the bathroom. Taking more time than necessary in there, creating courage to get out. After the failure that class was, the blond got a call from the DEO a made up some dumb excuse, leaving Lena to go back to her apartment alone. It wasn’t like it made much of a difference, she thought to herself, after all, Lena her made new friends, and although Kara knew no one was going to take her place, it bothered not being able to truly relate to what her friend was going through, after all, she wasn’t pregnant and never could be.
One of the disadvantages of being a kryptonian on Earth was that the yellow harmed her physiological system and gradually diminished her chances of getting pregnant over time. During the last consultation she had with a gynecologist, due to some menstrual pains, Kara found out she had become 89% sterile and that number would go up high in a matter of five years. No doctor understood, of course, and Alex made it very clear that it was useless to go to any specialist to try and find some cure to that process. Her chances of being a mother and dreams of it were buried. She would never know what it felt like to carry a child in her.
This discovery broke her completely in the first months, Kara was only eighteen and all that glamour of girlish dreams about being married and bearing a child that would have her eyes or her partner’s nose, those daydreams still lived in her. During high school, most girls talked about that, it was everybody’s plan to get married and have children. Sweet childish dreams. The kryptonian liked to think someday she was going to have a small copy of her running around the house. But now, she learned to avoid those wises and almost eight years later, she prefers not to think about it.
As she left the bathroom, Alex was waiting for her, smirking maliciously. That day was, by far, the weirdest one of her life. And if her organism allowed it, she would definitely have nervous gastritis.
Lena took longer to shower than she had planned and, unlike her best friend, she had different reasons for it.
After the class, Lena felt lighter, knowing all her symptoms were normal, many people during pregnancy went through the same and there was no reason to go insane. Crying was normal and it would pass, at least those news were relieving, after three months with no control over her tears. Her body relaxed as the driver made the way home, but her mind worked like a machine. Her skin had goosebumps and shining with a thin layer of sweat that had just formed. Lena felt her blood fever inside her veins again.
She was hot. Again.
Shit. The CEO hated when that happened and she didn’t have a decent or private place to relieve herself. It was an uncontrollable desire that came and went out of nowhere. Most times she condemned herself for feeling like that, this unceasing combustion, in the middle of work and even in the middle of meetings. For heaven's sake, she couldn't even close her eyes that her mind wandered far, bringing the illusion of sex to her body. And in that illusion, her body reacted, shooting heat weaved through it. Arriving at her apartment, Lena quickly undressed and went straight to the bathroom, taking a quick look in the mirror and trying to not be disappointed by the image.
The warm water helped her muscles to relax and the cold wind coming through the window made her realize how hot her skin was. God, she was literally soaked. Her hand slithered between her breasts and her finger gently caressed each sensitive, hardened nipple. Only when her body ached in response Lena let herself make noise and moaned grasping, she bit her lips and closed her eyes, feeling each drop of water fall on her.
“Oh, fuck…” the moan came out raspy and low.
It didn’t take long for her to put two fingers inside herself and rub her thumb over the clit that was swollen and begging for attention. Goosebumps went through her back and she panted. Her mind wandered off, imagining two firm hands pressing her waist, a pair of arms holding her, and blue eyes shining with a hunger for her. Her fingers paced faster, in and out. She came. And then regret came. Maybe… maybe Lena had thought of a specific person while doing that. She denied herself and that fact. Admitting it would only make things worse.
“Lena, you are so stupid” she sighed alone, her heart still racing.
Ignoring the shame in her chest, Lena applied shampoo to her hair and took a deep breath. She cursed herself quietly for feeling that way for someone who could never desire her back. Tears rolled down her face, hot and acid. Lena chose the easy way out and blamed the pregnancy, again. Her lack of control was taking her to places of stress and anger she never thought possible. The woman from the class came back to her mind and she repeated to herself that all was going to end soon. Just six months left.
Gradually the rush of pleasure passed and Lena was finally able to finish her shower, just in time to get ready. Kara was going to be with her tonight and if there was one thing the Luthor treasured was her friendship with the charmest reporter from National City.
She was not going to let some lack of control or annoying hidden feeling for the blond ruin the only good thing that she had gotten that year. Lena was glad to bury it all as deep as she could.
Chapter 7: You're not like your mom
Happy New Year, everyone!
My New Year's Resolution is to post at least one chapter per week ;)
“Let me see it again,” Alex asked for the hundredth time “C’mon!”
“Alex!” Kara sighed tiredly and unbuttoned her shirt, showing only a white bra underneath it “satisfied?”
“Very much so” the redhead smiled presumptuous “I need to make sure you’re not planning anything and that everything goes as we planned.”
“I feel useless like this” the superhero rolled her eyes. Her sister could be very bossy sometimes. “What if something happens?”
“Then I and my team will be there to help you” she explained, “while you take care of your friend and your kid, okay?”
Kara didn’t answer but she was obviously going to take care of both. With or without the suit, the blonde would risk everything for that strange little family. Sure, Lena didn’t know about her secret identity and it was a secret she hated keeping but they had bigger problems now, so that was going to have to wait. The National City’s population knew about Supergirl and the Luthor’s friendship and that was enough danger. In the L-Corp event, there had been an attack on Lena’s life and that led Kara to desperation. What if one day she failed? What if it was her fault?
Supergirl would never forgive herself, especially now the two people she loved the most were in only one body. The kryptonian was sure of her decision, for now, hiding her other self was for the best.
However, her big sister was getting in the way of her plans. Kara was going to have dinner in a place she had never been to that also happened to be her archenemy’s home: Lilian Luthor. Not to mention that Lilian knew her secret and if she found out about the baby’s other mother, everything could fall apart. That made her nervous, worried and at times, desperate. Soon, Lena’s belly was going to show and questions would be made, most were going to be completely invasive. The media always haunted her best friend, whether they meant good or bad, mostly it was bad, it was invasive and harmful towards the woman who couldn't catch a breath.
It was no coincidence that these days, Kara had been avoiding Snapper as much as she could, for her boss had been suspicious about the CEO’s silence since the daxamite invasion. He wanted to know what she was doing, what she was up to, and even where Lena was having lunch, and he wanted to use his best source for that: the young Danvers. Of course, Kara would never use the fact that the Luthor was her best friend to get such information, she would never do such a thing. Their interviews were most times, to talk about grand benevolent events made by the company and that Lena gave all of herself for them. When the reporter wasn’t complimenting L-Corp’s amazing scientific discoveries and progress, she was disproving the cruel lies people made up about her friend.
Kara would do anything to make sure Lena wouldn’t be seen as another Luthor.
“Is it good like this?” Kara frowned, fixing her hair.
“You look great,” Alex answered, gathering her things around the room “I’ll be listening and Winn is going to be with us too, okay?”
“Yeah” she sighed “where are you going?”
“To meet Maggie at her’s” Alex smiled weakly “and don’t forget to take this” she gave her sister a flower, making her raise an eyebrow “what? It’s romantic.”
“Alex, this isn’t a date” Kara repeated for the fifth time that night “and what flower is this anyway?”
“A white chrysanthemum” the redhead left the meaning of the plant aside but it fit the situation perfectly.
The doorbell rang and the blonde was so anxious she didn’t hear her friend’s steps through the hallway.
“Oh, Rao…” Kara inhaled “are you sure this is going to work?”
“Keep that smiled, give her this flower and leave me the rest” she winked “c’mon, answer the door.”
As she found her friend standing out of the door, Kara was sure the world stopped. She was able to hear Lena’s heartbeat-like drums in a quiet room and Seedy’s heartbeat just as strong behind it. But they had no chance against her own panicked heart. The sweet perfume invaded her nose, almost exploding her lungs in excitement and pleasure, the young Danver’s favorite smell. Lena was dazzling, her eyes looked as if they had gained a new color, almost crystal. Her black, slightly wavy hair fell on her shoulders with elegance, it was breathtaking. The bordeaux plaid skirt outlined every curve of her body, from her high waist until the lower knee. Her tights looked as if they were made to fit that piece. The white shirt, covered by a beautiful laced tissue only made Lena’s skin more evident, a creamy white.
She was fucked, completely fucked. If she was able to sweat, her hands would be dripping.
“As entertaining it is to watch you two, I really need to go” Alex broke the moment “and you, Luthor, take care of her or you’re going to have to deal with me” she smiled, Lena didn’t even blink, she was so lost.
“Er… sure” Lena answered, exhaling, and only then realizing she was holding her breath “sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
“I thought so” the redhead provoked “bring my sister back alive and fully dressed, understood?”
“Alex!” Kara finally reacted, her face turning bright red “didn’t you say you had to go?” she pointed to the corridor.
“This is how you thank me?’ she dramatized and laughed “you two have a good evening” Alex walked through the door and stared at the Luthor “behave.”
“Alex, bye!” the blonde pushed her sister to the corridor “shall we?” she turned to her friend who was still silent.
Lena looked like she was in an endless trance and far away from that moment. Of course, Alex was not going to make things easier for the CEO. Because of that, when she remembered the dinner, Alex was sure to pick the best outfit for Kara, aware that it was going to bring the Luthor’s useless lesbian persona. And also the useless lesbian inside her young sister because if there was one thing the agent knew was that Lena Luthor knows how to dress. She was always flawless, perfect makeup and clothes tracing the curves of her elegant body.
“Ah, yes” the CEO coughed fixing her posture “let’s go, the driver is waiting for us.”
“Wait, wait…” Kara held the other’s arm, feeling the electrical shock between the skins, and took a step back “this, er… this is for you…” she turned to the white flower “I… I, er… I know this isn’t a date and… not that it couldn’t be and if it was it’d be fine… but it isn't which is okay too and I…” Lena smiled half smirking and watched Kara place the flower on her blazer’s pocket.
“I love it” the Luthor stared into her eyes and the tension could burn the whole building down “ready?” she intertwined their arms and quietly wished that was a peaceful night.
“Ready” the blonde guided her to the exit, wishing her heart would stop trying to escape her chest.
During the way, Kara wanted to ask a million questions, she didn’t want to feel embarrassed in the house of National City’s scariest woman. However, she didn’t have the guts. In fact, she didn’t want to interrupt the private melody of two hearts beating steadily fast. She wanted to touch her belly again, to feel the warmth against her palm and talk to her child, she wanted to say she was there for her and to protect Seedy. But her courage only grew shorter as the car made its way. Which Lea was very grateful for, she was not in the state to answer any questions or deal with such action at that moment.
Lena’s mind was still heavy with guilt for what she had done in the bathroom, making her heart sink, and the guilt poison her soul. It was no secret for her that she was completely attracted and helplessly in love with her best friend, but Lena felt she was crossing all lines. She never was an expert on friendships or any personal relationships, to be honest, her personal life was always chaotic, that when it wasn’t nonexistent. Dealing with papers, numbers, contracts, and investors were much easier than to allow herself to feel and let someone get to know her in intimate ways. One day, her mind told her, one day you’re going to lose your friend.
Her thoughts and fears scared Lena day and night, making that pregnancy much harder than it already was.
Looking at Kara again, Lena noticed how blue her eyes were that night, she sighed charmed. Kara was extraordinary, gifted with rare and unusual beauty. Anyone could fall in love with her sweetness, tenderness, joy, and good humor. Lena couldn’t understand why, out of everyone in the world, the young Danvers chose her as a best friend. Why her? Why not another woman? Kara had so much potential and her heart could love anyone, any being from Earth or not, and still, there she was, sitting beside her. So close.
So close it hurt. It hurt not being able to touch her, not to tell her how she felt, and let all her fears out. As much as the Luthor was to tell her, it wasn’t fair. No one should carry someone else’s burden as Lena was sure her friend would want to carry hers, to protect her from all evil in the world, because that was who Kara was. Kara was made of compassion, mercy, love, and sacrifice. And for that reason, the CEO never thought herself deserving of that friendship. They were opposites.
But opposites attract. Pure magnetism. Lena wanted to believe science instead of her heart. Although, deep down, they both said the same thing.
“I’m nervous” Kara whispered walking to the front door of that mansion “what if… your mom doesn’t… like me? What if I… embarrass you?” she looked at the building and started to pick her nails “what if…”
“Breathe” Lena spoke softly “first of all, my mother doesn’t like anyone besides herself” and my brother thought but kept it to herself “and secondly, you never embarrass me. I don’t want you to pretend to be someone you’re not because we’re here. I know you and I ad… I like you the way you are.” Lena cursed herself for that mistake that almost came out. Hell.
“Okay,” she sighed “are my clothes okay? Do I have anything on my teeth?” Kara smiles exaggeratedly, trying to break the tension.
“Yes, daddy” Lena teased “you look incredibly…” hot, sexy, beautiful, and making me lose my mind she said mentally “great!” Lena sighed, feeling her hands sweat. She could not be turned on right there, right now, and especially with her friend next to her.
“Daddy?” Kara frowned “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Doesn’t matter” she waved it off feeling waves of heat travel down her body. “Let’s get in. Forget about it.”
“But I didn’t even get it” the blond complained “I’m…” her stomach roared, making Lena arch an eyebrow and her cheeks turn red “hungry…”
“Me too…” seconds later Lena’s stomach roared “I don’t like this plot of you two” her hand found its way to her belly “please, don’t exaggerate tonight,” Lena said to her belly.
“I’ll eat for you, Seedy” Kara pretended to whisper, making Lena laugh.
Before Lena could ring the bell, Lilian opened the door and smiled tastefully at the scene. Of course, her daughter would bring that lying CatCo reporter and National City hero. Lilian inhaled, controlling herself not to spill the truth right there, and made space for them to come in. The older woman hoped the other guests wouldn’t be bothered by the blond’s presence, after all, she wasn’t a Luthor and couldn’t even talk decently to the others on the table.
“I thought you weren’t coming” Lilian commented, closing the door.
“I thought so too” Lena answered defensively “Kara is my guest tonight, I hope you don’t mind” she was polite but fiercely putting her arm around Kara’s.
“Welcome,” Lilian smiled without looking at Kara and then pointed the way “I expect you to keep your posture and behave like the Luthor I raised you to be. Don’t make a scene, the world doesn’t revolve around you or even cares about your emotional or personal problems” Lilian spoke with her head high “are we understood?” she turned quickly to look down on her daughter.
The house was much bigger than Kara had thought, she had never stepped on such an immense and luxurious place. Lilian led them through the hallways to the dining room, where a couple and a young man were sitting comfortably around the table. Lena felt her body shiver and her stomach rolled every time her mother came to near her. Lena was unsure if it was out of fear, distrust, or disgust. It felt like her body refused to be a certain distance close to her mom, which worried Lena since they were going to spend the whole evening next to each other. Being in that place brought a lot of painful memories back, things Lena would rather never think about ever again. That mansion belonged to her brother and was out of use for years, ever since his arrest.
Passing through the rooms, each space of that cold and dark place, Lena remembered what it was like to grow as a Luthor. Lilian was never the mother Lena wanted or needed, she was always present but in an abusive and scary way. Her life changed completely after Lionel picked her from that orphanage, not that Lena would have rather stayed there, orphanages, most times, are terrible, and to grow around a bunch of strange, mentally destroyed, and psychologically unprepared children sounded like a nightmare. Lex had been her refuge during all those dinners with rich families in boring clubs, he was her partner in crime to escape boring lunches with vultures and people asking about L-Corp.
Lena was forced to dress according to her mother’s will, to behave like a lady, speak like an adult, and smile like a doll. She was always flawless inexpensive dresses, fancy shoes, hair up, and wide attention eyes. She couldn’t speak without her mother’s permission, couldn’t give her opinion or say what was on her mind, Lena wasn’t even allowed to play with the other magnates’ children. Her life was made of rules. Time to wake, to sleep, to eat, to study, and even to go outside. Lilian made her study in an all-girls boarding school, forcing her to pick at least one sport and signing her in many extracurricular activities. The little Luthor barely had time to breathe, to read the books she wished to, or to be a child.
Before going to sleep, Lena always stayed up imagining what it would have been like to be raised by her real mother. Lilian made sure to constantly remind her she wasn’t part of that family and she would have to work twice as hard to be half of what Lex was. Lena had no wish of being the best, the bravest, or a Luthor. She just wanted to be herself.
Her heart was heavy with all the memories that came in a flood. Her hand instinctively went to her belly and she apologized in silence. Lena couldn’t bear the risk of raising that child the same way she was raised or to let someone else carry the burden of the Luthor name. Lena knew nothing about motherhood, about being a mother, or about affection. Mathematics, physics, science, now those she understood. Lena could never be the mother that baby needed, even if she wanted to be, even if she already felt the love. It wasn’t a choice. Being a Luthor meant sacrifice and requirements. That small Seedy needed to be happy and have the childhood every baby deserves to have. And this wouldn’t happen if Lena were her mother.
By the table there was a child, maybe ten years old, and next to him sat an old lady, wearing a white uniform, watching the boy play something on his phone. The Luthor observed his mother, blond with a red lipstick too dark for her skin tone, she paid no attention to the boy. The other two young men, one that Lena assumed was the kid’s father, due to their similarity talked to each other loudly, also ignoring the boy’s existence. The nanny was there just to make sure he drank, ate, and behaved.
The scene made Lena’s head ache and her stomach roll again.
“Hey…” Kara whispered and reached for her hand under the table “Is everything okay? Are you in pain?”
“I’m… sick” Lena complained “but fine.”
“Are you sure?” Lena nodded and they were interrupted.
“Lena, it’s been so long since the last time I saw you” the blond woman smiled politely, “your mother told me about all your achievements in L-Corp and I must say I am surprised. I wasn't expecting so much.”
Kara could feel the poison dripping from those words and her fist closed forcefully. She couldn’t lose her composure and embarrass Lena, only because of that, Kara controlled herself.
“Well, from someone like you, I expected more scandals, given all the insanity that surrounds this family” the woman continued “but you’re overcoming some expectations.”
“How kind of you, but I…”
“Lena did more than she should have for this city and the people” Kara interrupted her friend. Her voice was strong and determined. Kara fixed the glasses on her nose and kept going “I don’t know if you read the news three months ago, but we were going to face a mass enslaver of the human race if she hasn't adapted the device created by Lex to get rid of Superman. If it weren’t for Lena, we wouldn’t be here having the conversation and listening to untruthful criticism without any reasonable argument.
“Wow” the lady smiled “I must admit I didn’t hear much about it, we were on vacation on an island in the Philippines” she shook her shoulders as if nothing had happened “and who are you, by the way?
“Kara Danvers” Kara said proudly, feeling Lena’s stare on her “CatCo reporter.”
“Lena doesn’t deserve all this credit” Lillian interrupted before the subject died “the device was created by my son and had another purpose, one that I appreciated much more” she smiled and the others smiled back, leaving Kara completely uncomfortable and frightened “Rhea, the queen of the daxamites, managed to fool Lena into building a portal where all these… aliens could pass through. Who makes a mess has to deal with the consequences and Lena did nothing more than to fix the mess she made” Lilian placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder and another wave of sickness attacked Lena’s body.
“I thought Luthors weren’t easy to fool” the older man commented “Mrs. Wilson, please, take him outside or somewhere else, this noise is disturbing us,” he ordered and the boy was taken from the dining room.
“Posture, Lena” Lilian whispered to her “what is going on with you? Fix that posture, hands on the edge of the table, and what a mess, you’re sweating.” the mother sighed. Lena did her best to fix her posture, still feeling her stomach twist and making her shiver. The hand was still on her shoulder.
Kara was, obviously, hearing all that. Her superhearing was sensitive and she would have rather not heard Lilian treat her daughter like that like she was a misbehaving child. Even if Lena was a bit stubborn, that was just not right. Lena was always her example of good manners, flawless posture, and strength under any circumstance. However, standing there, surrounded by meek and empty people, it seemed that she went back to being the little scared Lena. The one that listened and obeyed. The one that was afraid so kept quiet.
“I didn’t raise you to be like this, it’s a good thing you all know she’s not my biological daughter.” Lilian carried on, pouring more of the drink for her “Lena always had this innocence that blinded and made her foolish.”
“True, you didn’t raise me to be like this” Lena took the hand on her shoulder off, doing her best to not throw up the little food she had had “you raised me to be ashamed of who I am, to fear everything around me and to look for recognition that I expected to come from you.” she took a deep breath. She was going to break soon “Excuse me” Lena got up quickly and angered, throwing her napkin over the table.
As she saw her friend leave the table, Kara got up and went after her. Her heart ached, hearing Lena sob and slam one of the bathroom doors. She could clearly hear two desperate hearts and wished she could fly them away from that place. Kara waited patiently by the door, shaking with hatred and trying to keep calm. Lena had eaten half of the plate, making the great effort to not eat too much and now there she was, vomiting it all out and probably feeling bad for her lack of control. Now Kara believed she could start to understand everything that was going on with her friend.
Silence reigned over the hallway and weak laughter echoed from the dining room. No one cared about their absence, no one wanted the two women there. Lilian didn’t even come to check on her daughter, to see if she needed help or something of the sort. Nothing. If it was up to anyone there, Lena would be by herself through the rest of the night, and, realizing that Kara felt glad she came.
Kara, what’s going on?
“It’s Lena” Kara answered the hearing device “she… she’s sick.”
Do you need help? You need to get her home.
“I… don’t know, let me ask her” she sighed “if so, I’ll tell you.”
Ok. I’m here anything, really!
“Lena?” Kara knocked softly.
“Go away” Lena murmured, “just… leave me alone.”
“I’m not leaving you alone” she answered firmly but warm. “May I coming in?”
“No…” her voice was weak “just leave me here…”
“I’m waiting for you and am not leaving,” Kara said “even if you don’t let me it”
Two minutes passed and Kara stepped away from the door, hearing the locker turn and a small gap open. It was dark inside, but Kara could still see and what she saw didn’t please her. Lena was sitting on the floor, arms around her knees and back to the wall, next to the toilet. Her hair stuck in her forehead and cheeks from the cold sweating, making her look paler than she was. That was enough to make Kara rage again and want to go to that dining room and scream at all of them.
Lena wasn’t made of iron and ice. Not like the rest of that family. Cold, heartless, calculating, thirst for power. Lena was just a fragile woman trying to make a name for herself outside the hard legacy her last name carried. That was her Lena, her best friend, and mother of her child.
“Oh, Lena…” Kara sat down beside her and pulled her in her arms, gently tightening her in. Without a second thought, Lena hugged her waist and sobbed again. “Shhh, it will be okay…”
“No, it won’t” Lena whispered, “she’s going to… sh-she…”
“Lilian is not going to do anything” Kara actuated firmly. If that woman even thought about going near her family, Kara was not going to answer for her actions. “Come with me, let’s go” she kneeled facing Lena, and place one hand below her thighs and another on her lower back “hold on to my neck, I’m lifting you.”
Lena put her arms around the blond and felt the heat of her body quickly warm hers. It was like hugging the sun, Lena thought. Her head weighed on her shoulders and soon the stress and tiredness consumed her, making her fall lightly asleep. Although Lena knew she shouldn’t show so much weakness, shouldn’t let her guard down, and let her best friend save her again, the Luthor couldn’t think of anything at that moment. Her stomach still ached and she didn’t understand how she could be so sick so fast, but she also didn’t understand how that sickness disappeared as soon as Kara touched her skin. It reminded her of how hard it was to be around certain people she didn’t know but Lena was in no conditions to make theories.
Lena didn’t know if anything else happened, or how much time it passed, and when she came to herself again, she felt a soft blanket fall on her. Her shoes were taken off and a thicker blanket was put over her and then… then Lena felt something she didn’t know she needed so much.
A kiss on the cheek and a sweet voice saying everything was going to be okay.
“Miss Luthor, here’s the contract you asked for plus the spreadsheets” Jess walked into the room once again that Friday “do you need anything else?” Are you feeling alright today?” Of course, the secretary knew, and even if Lena tried to hide, her thirteen weeks pregnancy was starting to show.
“I’m great, thank you” Lena smiled “I just need to be far from certain smells and foods.”
“Drink a lot of liquid” Jess ordered “I took the liberty to put some natural juices and snacks in the bar, I hope it’s enough.”
“Thank you, Jess” she was honest “I’ll call you if I need anything.”
Lena watched the other woman exit herself and suspired relieved after the door closed. What she most admired in the secretary was her discretion when it came to any subject. Jess knew she was pregnant and probably knew it was a mistake but never asked anything that crossed a line. She didn’t invade her space and her private life, she wasn’t invasive and knew her place in these situations. Still, she worried about Lena. Three weeks had passed since the diner at her mother’s place, Lena still hadn’t had any news from her, for which she was very grateful. There hadn’t been any more sickness or tiredness, she felt strangely energetic.
The morning following the diner at the Luthor mansion, Lena woke up and found a note on top of the kitchen counter, alongside a full breakfast table. Kara had slept on the couch, she knew that for sure, her friend's perfume haunted the whole living room. The blanket, that now she considered it Kara’s, was folded and placed on the table, next to an empty cup. The feeling of knowing she hadn’t been alone and the warmth she felt waking up and finding breakfast ready filled Lena’s heart with something she couldn’t describe. Lena could get used to that, the routine of waking up, reading a note, and knowing that someone watched over her in the night.
However, something inside herself made Lena close her unbreakable glass wall even more. She was going too far, crossing every line and although she knew Kara would never discuss that with her, the Luthor couldn’t allow herself to feel all those wonderful emotions. Holding that thought, Lena thanked the heavens for the excessive amount of work she had due the following weeks and Kara was stuck with piles of articles to get through. That solved the problem of her friend showing up anytime, showing that smile that could light up a whole galaxy and keep anyone around her warm. Lena wouldn’t have to hear about her baby’s development or classes for pregnant women.
Her phone vibrated next to her and she smiled looking at the name above the text.
K: Did you eat? Took your medicine? Are you feeling okay?
K: Sorry… Good morning!
K: Did you know that Seedy is the size of a pod now?
Lena laughed to herself and unblocked the screen to answer.
L: Good morning!
L: Yes, I have, Jess, won’t let me go more than three hours without eating.
L: By the way, this child won’t let me be.
K: What do you mean?
L: Just this week I had your favorite Noonan’s pie three times, besides my dying desire for those potstickers.
K: Oh… I fell in love with the right seedy!
K: What are your plans for today?
L: I’m finishing a report and some research, but I want to show the last ultrasound images to Supergirl.
K: I mean… really?
L: I just pressed the device underneath the desk, waiting for her.
Lena waited for an answer to her text but it never came. Leaving the phone aside, she turned her attention back to the computer screen and carried on with her notes about kryptonians. She felt stupid for continuing doing that and didn’t understand what motivated her between meetings and in her free time to search for information about Krypton and its habitants. It was like something deeper bothered her heart, something greater than a curiosity but the CEO preferred to think it was her right to know more about the mother of her baby.
“Are we hungry again?” Lena caressed her belly feeling her stomach roar “you know, I need you to cooperate with me” she murmured tenderly and walked to the small fridge in her office “let’s make a deal, what do you think?” her belly was only getting more visible “I promise we will eat every three hours if… you allow me to eat something at least a bit more healthy” her stomach roared again and Lena laughed “I’m you mother, you shouldn’t be questioning me.” Lena sighed and grabbed one of the yogurts she knew Seedy liked. Her baby’s stubborn and strong character was impressive.
“Lena?” she heard a known voice calling her from the balcony “er… I mean, miss Luthor” Lena smiled.
“No need for formalities here, I’m carrying your child, remember?” she joked “I hope I didn’t disturb you…”
“No, not at all!” The hero got closer and didn’t know how to proceed. Kara and Lena had a completely different relationship than Supergirl and Lena, which made her extremely confused at times “I… do you need anything?”
“Sit down, please” Lena pointed to the couch “You want anything? Water?”
“No, thank you” Kara sighed nervously and sat on top of the red cape “is that… red fruit yogurt?” her stomach roared making the hero blush. The Luthor raised an eyebrow, curious “sorry, I didn’t have time to lunch yet.”
“How many calories do you need to consume per day? I assume it’s over five thousand since your metabolism needs extra energy for all your activities” the CEO asked “and take this” she handed the pot.
“No, it’s okay.” she refused, frowning, feeling her mouth water.
“There’s a lot more where this came from” Lena insisted “and you shouldn’t contradict a pregnant woman” she smirked, making the blond blush even harder “should I assume it’s your favorite flavor?”
“Yes! How did you know?” she spoke, filling her mouth with it trying not to moan with the taste “Rao! This is wonderful!” Lena laughed at the sight.
“It’s your child’s favorite” Lena explained, not noticing it was the first time she spoke about the baby as Supergirl’s child too. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by the superhero “it’s also Kara’s favorite.” she said randomly.
“And how is the baby? No, actually, how are you?” Supergirl changed the subject quickly “I hope the sickness stopped and…”
“How do you know about the sickness?”
“I… er… Kara commented these days” she lied “anyway, Alex explained to me it’s very common in pregnancies.”
“It is, unfortunately, but I’m glad that phase passed by” Lena sighed “you still haven’t answered me about your diet.”
“Oh, yes! I need at least ten thousand calories a day” Lena spilled the water she was drinking and choked, coughing hard while the blond tapped her back lightly “Lena, are you okay? Oh, Rao… deep breaths! Do you need a doctor? Air?
“No, no…” she coughed again “I’m fine, it’s just… holy shit, ten thousand calories? That’s… wow!” Supergirl felt her cheeks blush.
“Why the question?” now the CEO felt her face go red. How would she confess she was searching for information about the other mother of her baby?
No, she was not going to say that out loud.
“I…” she cleared her throat “do you think there’s any chance this child will have your… powers?” Kara went quiet, she hadn't stopped to consider the possibility yet.
“To be honest, I don’t know” she answered “why? Do you think she might… have any?”
“Maybe” Lena sighed “that would only make things worse…”
“What do you mean?”
“If this child is like you, I can’t simply ignore that fact” she explained “I don’t want anyone taking advantage of it or leaving them unprotected. Who knows what might happen…”
“Oh…” was what Supergirl managed to say “I hadn’t… thought about it this way. You’re right.”
“I need more information, I need to know what to expect from this pregnancy” they stared at each other for a few moments and Lena swore she knew those bright blue eyes from somewhere.
“Well, the DEO has enough technology to deal with it, but I don’t want them anywhere near you or the baby” the hero confessed, fidgeting with her cape “unless… unless you want to, but I…” she sighed “I don’t like that idea.”
“Me neither. Can you convince Alex to help us?” Kara let her chin fall as she heard the word ‘us’.
Was Lena actually asking her to make a decision? Together? Rao! That was so much better than what she had imagined.
“Yes! Sure!” Kara smiled, excited “I can speak with her today, and…” sirens coming from a block nearby interrupted them “damn it!”
Lena saw the disappointment in Supergirl’s eyes and allowed herself to feel empathy for the superhero that looked so fragile and vulnerable looking at her. As much as Lena wanted to forget, the girl of steel was also the mother of that life growing inside her, one that gradually won more space on her heart. Even against her will. Not thinking about her action, the CEO reached for Supergirl’s warm hands, feeling her body shiver with the touch. It’s like hugging the sun, she thought. It felt like holding a star in her hands.
Still moved by that warm feeling, Lena took Supergil’s hand and placed it on her belly, smiling shyly, unsure of what to do next. Kara could hear her friend’s heartbeat desperately fast, so strong that she almost forgot about the sirens screaming down the street. Her finger felt the warmth coming from there and her soul absorbed that loving heart. It was perfect, extraordinary and she was barely able to keep tears from falling.
“Ukiemiv’odh w’rrip, eh is’kah“ Kara whispered in love before flying away to save the day again.
During that afternoon, the CEO made herself busy with whatever she could, but that phrase didn’t leave her mind. What had Supergirl said? What did those words mean? Lena sighed, defeated. How could she ever understand a dead language like kryptonian if there barely were information about that planet, ruled by a red sun? Damn it, she thought to herself, this mess is only getting more and more difficult. The incredible thing was that she had never felt so good since the pregnancy began, especially after the superhero left. There weren’t any bother, sickness - though less frequent, still happened - and her stomach didn’t roar for over two hours. That felt like a great advance since that baby seemed to be hungry every forty minutes.
What magic could that be? What effect was that? She sighed again. Lena needed to learn kryptonian immediately and more importantly, could not let Supergirl know.
“Lena?” her favorite voice in the world echoed in the room. Golden hour’s orange light started to show, creating a soft and comfortable environment “hey…”
“Kara!” Lena smiled. She wasn’t expecting a visit from her friend, especially after she remembered she had forgotten to answer her texts “I thought… doesn’t matter” the CEO sighed and walked in for a hug, inhaling all she could of that perfume, letting it invade her lungs.
“I wasn’t sure if I should come and I… er, I wanted… to make a surprise,” Kara said nervously “I hope I’m not disturbing…;
“You never disturb me.” Lena reassured for the hundredth time “to which honor do we owe your visit” Kara smiled at the plural pronoun.
“I wanted to take you somewhere special today and…” she sighed “I came to let you know I’m traveling tomorrow and probably will be out of town for the week” that caught the Luthor off guard “I have to cover a subject in another.... er, city.” Kara lied, in fact, Barry Allen had shown up and asked for help “they didn’t give me a specific date of return…”
“Oh, right… okay,” Lena nodded. Although her heart ached a bit inside, thinking of not seeing Kara for a whole week “I hope it all works out for you there. I thought… nevermind.”
“What?” What did you think?” Kara asked, holding her hand tightly “tell me, please.”
“It’s nonsense” she tried to laugh it off, “I thought we were going to the next class together and I… doesn’t matter, it’s not like it’s… a big deal, anyway I have a lot of things to do.”
“Heavens, I forgot about that!” she hit a palm on her face “I’ll do my best to come back in time and if I can’t, I want you to go and I want you to tell me everything you learned afterward.”
“There’s no need, Kara” Lena reassured, “it’s not that important.”
“It’s important for me” there were the frowning and begging eyes, like Kara always did until Lena had no choice but to agree with her “will you do it for me?”
Lena rolled her eyes, defeated.
“Yes,” she sighed “that’s what friends are for, right?”
“That’s right!” she agreed excited “now get your things, we have to go before the sun sets and… hey! Is that red fruit yogurt.”
“Be my guest to eat them” Lena laughed, looking at the blonde and only finding her more and more charming. The useless lesbian part of her never made it easier.
“Heavens! How wonderful this is!” Kara moaned eating the first cup quickly “it’s my favorite.”
“I thought I was your favorite” she teased, making the other woman frown. Of course, Kara didn't get it.
“But… I can’t eat you,” she answered, lost.
“That depends on the point of view.” Lena winked, smirking, watching the young Danvers face grow red.
Oh, Rao! Now she got it.
After the driver dropped them off at an unknown neighborhood, they walked for a few blocks. Kara wanted her friend to walk more frequently since Lena was experiencing cramps and some exercise could help the blood circulate better. Not that Kara knew that coincidentally, she was annoying the hell out of Alex, asking questions and more questions until she couldn’t remember all the answers her sister told her. She never thought pregnancies were so complicated.
Autumn’s cold breeze ran through the Luthor’s hair, waving them although they were up. Her hand was still on her belly while the other held Kara’s arm. Any person passing by would think they were a couple doing whatever couples do on a nice afternoon, watching time fly and waiting anxiously for their baby to come. The belly was definitely showing on that tight dress.
Lena knew that if she wasn’t very careful her heart would get used to that sensation. Thinking one day they could be a real couple holding hands walking down the street. But it wasn’t like that and it would never be like that. The baby she was expecting wasn’t Kara’s and the CEO didn’t even know if her friend was into women. Which reminded her she never asked about it, they had never talked about that subject.
Shit. Now Lena was curious but didn’t have the guts to ask.
“We’re here!” Kara pulled her back to reality “you’re going to love this place!”
“And where are we, exactly?” Lena questioned. She heard some barks from the inside and things started adding up. Kind of.
“Hey, Bailey” her friend greeted a brown-haired girl that looked about fifteen.
“Kara!” the girl ran to her and went in for a tight hug “It’s been so long since I last saw you.”
“That’s true, I’m sorry” Kara smiled “I brought a special person today.” she turned to Lena, who was watching the scene with hesitation.
“Oh! Your girlfriend?” Bailey jumped with excitement “damn! She’s so pretty! Hi, I’m Bailey” she reached out her hand and both the Luthor and the young Danvers stood reactionless.
Why did everyone insist they were a couple?
“Nice to meet you, I’m Lena” she answered politely and thought it funny to see the girl smile and widen her eyes.
“Lena, like… the amazing and powerful Lena Luthor?” Bailey’s eyes shone in admiration for the figure in front of her.
“That one, Bay” Kara answered and looked at her friend.
“Wow! This is so cool!” her voice was loud “and you’re here at my mom’s dog shelter. Ha! No one in school is going to believe me.”
“Where’s your phone?” Lena asked. Bailey and Kara looked at each other not following the thought “don’t you want proof to show your friends at school?” she smiled.
“Oh, yes! Damn!” The girl ran to the balcony and went back at the same speed, carrying the device. Lena stood next to the girl and took a simple picture of them, even though she despised being photographed “oh my God! I’m literally going to die” Kara snorted at the drama “okay, okay… are you here to see the dogs?”
“Of course!” Kara nodded “I want to show Brover to her.”
“Follow me” Bailey led the way, guiding them through a narrow hallway. The strong scent of animals invaded the blond’s nose, making her wonder if that was a good idea after all. What if Lena got sick because of the smell? “This week we had to shelter more than ten puppies that were abandoned, beside the five kittens left at our front door. We’re almost desperate, I don’t know how my parents are able to buy food for them with the donations.” the girl kept on talking.
“And how are the two labradors from last month?” Kara asked. Lena stayed silent, listening attentively.
“One was adopted last Monday and the other one is still here.” she explained, “you have to see the one we rescued in the middle of the avenue yesterday…”
The trio entered a big room where many cubicle cages were placed on the walls. There were cats and dogs of every size and color, all of them with some sort of medicine, band-aid, or white bandage on them. It was like a huge infirmary of a vet hospital. The strong scent didn’t bother Lena but it was still bad. Her heart sank as she realized all animals there were hurt or sick and some didn’t have a chance of recovering there.
“Hey, big boy!” Bailey approached a brown border collie “look who’s here to see you” the dog and a bandage around his paw but still shook his tail and put his tongue out “that’s right! That’s our boy!”
“Brover!” Kara hugged him and patted his head “hey, I missed you too!” the dog licked her face, making the woman giggle “I brought a friend, say hi, Brover!” she turned to Lena who was standing still “c’mon, he doesn’t bite.”
“I’m not… I’m not good with animals, Kara” Lena confessed hesitantly. In fact, she had never interacted with an animal her entire life.
“If he likes you, it’s because you’re good with animals,” Bailey commented while refilling the water for other dogs.
“C’mon, Lena” Again, the damned pout. It wasn’t fair, that cute pout was not fair. “please…”
“Right” she walked slowly trying to avoid that situation somehow. What if he didn’t like her? What if it barked? What if he got angry and hurt her?
God, she was scared.
However, as she got closer to the ‘beast’, it just shook its tail quickly and licked her fingers, making her frown. Kara snorted at the scene and showed her how to pet the soft fur. Lena traced a line from the ears to the tail, watching Brover enjoy the caressing. His tail didn’t stop moving and she wondered if that didn’t tire him. Obviously not. There was something about dogs that she didn’t understand, but she had read once that dogs were able to improve humor, diminish stress, and even make people less prone to heart diseases.
That was what Lena felt like the weight had fallen off her shoulder and now the burden was lighter.
“Who’s this?” Kara asked Bay, who was kneeled next to a golden cocker spaniel “hey, girl…” she whispered caressing its long ears.
“What’s wrong with her?” Lena questioned, kneeling too. The dog looked very down and was probably in pain. There wasn’t the same light in her eyes as Brover had, there wasn’t joy surrounding her “she looks so tired…”
“And she is” Bay confirmed, slowly tracing a pattern on the dog's belly “we don’t know if she’s going to make it… I feel useless…”
“We found her on the avenue and brought her here immediately” the girl explained “it was raining and we couldn't wait, but the issue is she’s expecting and we don’t have enough money for the ultrasound, the medicine, and everything to make sure the puppies will be okay” she sighed “we don’t even know if they’re alive, because she’s in pain and cries… I wanted to take her home but my mom said we don’t have any more space.”
“I’m so sorry, Bay” Kara hugged the girl in an attempt for consolation.
“What does she need?” Lena finally said something. She couldn’t let that dog die, she would never forgive herself for that.
“Many consults with a vet, ultrasound, medicine, and a warm bed” Bailey frowned “we usually keep the dogs on the kennel here but she can’t be with the other dogs.”
And so the Luthor saw herself on a dead-end street. What was she going to do? How could she help? It had never crossed her mind to invest in animal shelters and adoption centers. Usually, she got requests for donations to orphanages and children’s hospitals. A place like that, that sheltered injured abandoned animals every day, animals in need of attention, deserved all the attention and help. Holding that thought, Lena knew she was about to make a mistake but it was for the greater good.
“I’m taking her” Lena spoke suddenly.
“How do I do that?” she ignored the surprised look on Kara’s face and focused “what do I have to sign?”
“Holy shit! You really are a hero!” Bay hugged her tight, surprising Lena “wow, I don’t have words to thank you! I’m going to call my mom!” she got up and ran, leaving Kara and the CEO alone.
“Are you sure you’re going to do that?” Kara questioned, though she was about to explode with love and pride for that woman “you know… it’s a lot… of responsibility...”
“Are you calling me irresponsible?” Lena teased.
“No! I… I, er, I just…” she coughed “I’m… happy for you, but I don’t want more things on your plate.”
“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing,” she lied. She did even know what she was thinking when that decision was made.
The arrival of the girl’s mother interrupted them and she smiled, shaking her hand.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Mary” her voice was sweet “so, you really intend to adopt this soon-to-be mom?”
“Hi, Lena” she avoided the surname “yes, and I also want to propose a deal” Lena spoke gravely. Kara watched her friend change to CEO mode as she always did when it came to business.
“Bailey commented about how hard it was to afford the shelter, the food, and care for the animals. Therefore I am willing to buy and finance any posterior expense needed for the animals and the structure.” okay, no one saw that coming.
There was silence. Mary was the first one to digest the words, unsure of what she had just heard.
“Buy?” her voice broke.
“It would still be on your name or your husband’s, whichever you decide” Lena explained “but I will be the one responsible for the bills, maintaining the shelter always ready for any animal rescue and care.
“Wow, I… I was certainly not waiting for that.” she sighed “I still have to talk with my husband and decide that with him, may I get in touch with you miss…?”
“Luthor” Lena revealed “Miss Luthor, but you can call me Lena” now it all made sense. That was no common woman.
That was Lena Luthor.
“Right” Mary took a deep breath “we will be in touch and will give you an answer as soon as possible. In the meantime, are you ready to adopt our princess?”
“Of course she is, mom” Bailey rolled her eyes “did you know they’re dating?”
“Bay!” Kara exclaimed, nervous and completely red, avoiding eye contact with Lena “we don’t… we’re not, er… girlfriends.”
“Too much stuttering, Kara” the girl laughed “and you’re not fooling anyone.”
“Okay, kid” Mary stopped it “I already told you to not get your nose on other people’s business” she handed the CEO some papers and a paper “here it is, read and sign the four pages, please.”
“Right” Lena nodded “and what is her name? Bailey didn’t mention it.”
“It’s because she doesn’t have one” the girl answered.
“This will be your first task as a pet mom then,” Kara said, smiling “are you ready to take that step?” blue eyes met green and the world stopped moving.
The answer was no, she was not ready for that step and barely knew what her life was becoming. But all she was able to do was cry and felt another wall inside her break down. That hurt and shook all her structures. Then again, she heard Alex’s voice inside her mind, firm as always. Allow yourself. She had to allow herself to feel. And maybe then, it wouldn’t hurt forever.
Chapter 8: Somebody stepped inside your soul
and we are back!
I'm actually proud of how fast I ended this chapter
It was busy dawn at the DEO, Supergirl and Alex had been called to help Barry on Earth 1 and neither of them knew what it was about. However, J’onn was a bit hesitant and called the superhero for an honest and serious conversation, something that Kara wasn’t expecting. Her older sister had always been someone great at hiding fears and anguishes, leaving them aside at any given moment and prioritizing more important things or whatever she decided was more important than emotions. Alex’s whole life could be put on a single phrase: putting everything she could before herself and forgetting things she couldn’t deal with throughout.
During the last couple of months, Alex had given up on something and Kara couldn’t put a finger on what it was. The young Danvers had never been good at guessing and although that was her sister and her friend, she was unable to say what was going on in her heart. Alex didn’t talk, didn’t vent, and didn’t let any of her friends get close enough to understand what was happening. Well, Kara knew she and Maggie were going through a rough phase because of a specific topic but her sister refused to talk to her about it, Alex just kept repeating it would be fine. That she was going to be fine.
And J’onn was completely sure something was terribly wrong.
At first, he thought he was being paranoid, perhaps. He observed how his best agent was more tired each day, how her hands trembled as she held heavier guns. Everyone at the DEO knew the redhead was intimidating, always serious, and ready to punch anyone who tried to be funny or nosy. Some were scared, obviously, but deep down they all knew she was just as loving as her younger sister. But that is where things had gotten a little different.
Alex was more annoyed, angrier, lacking patience for any kind of instructions or small talk, killing time in the training room to burn off energy she didn’t have. Her eyes were red, surrounded with a black shadow of tiredness and it was easy to notice her struggles to focus. People who knew her and saw her everyday realized right away something was wrong, however, Alex knew how to dodge questions and concerns, even of those who truly cared about her well-being. She was not in the state of mind to answer questions or hearing advice from people that barely knew her. Alex was done, done with people telling her ‘it is going to be okay’.
Because clearly, it was not going to be okay.
“Alex” Supergirl entered the lab and found her sister sitting down chugging down water from her old huge bottle.
“Hey, ready to go?” Alex asked, rotating the chair to face the hero.
“That is what I… er, came to talk to you about” Kara coughed nervously “I wanted… wanted to ask you a favor.”
“Go ahead” she put the bottle aside and Kara observed how tired her sister looked “did something happen?”
“No… actually, I wanted to talk about his trip” she sat down next to her “Barry called the other heroes to help so we’ll be a big number, which is good and means we’re probably coming back earlier. But I… I wanted to ask you to stay here and take care of Lena for me” Alex’s body tensed and she frowned.
“Kara, I’m not staying behind” she was firm.
“Please, Alex, I need someone to stay and to take care of Lena and you’re the only one I trust to do that” Kara begged “I don’t even know when I’m coming back and I don’t want her to be alone while I’m there.”
“Tell me the truth” Alex got up enraged, feeling a wave of unusual anger take control of her body “you…” she laughed sarcastically “you are a shitty liar.”
Supergirl got up too, keeping the perfect posture needed for when the situations were more complicated. Her face visibly changed from calm to serious. Kara was not going to allow Alex to travel like that, fighting villains that could kill her with that state of mind.
“Alex you are not fine and you have been hiding that from me for weeks” Supergirl spoke “I am worried and so is J’onn, and you acting like you don’t care! I can’t allow you to do that to yourself and put yourself in danger that you might not get out alive.”
“I don’t need your permission, Supegirl” Alex was sarcastic “I am a grown woman that can make its own decisions.”
“And even so you’re behaving like a stubborn child” she raised her voice, “you think it’s fine facing whatever we’re going to face like that? Rao! Alex, what is going on?” Kara tried steeping closer but her sister immediately stepped away, reaching for the bottle on the table with hatred in her eyes.
“If I can’t come along, fine” she grabbed her things and threw them in a bag “but don’t you dare interrogate me, I don’t need advice and I don’t need help to sort out my personal problems.”
“Alex…” Kara immediately regretted that conversation. It seemed as if the world was going to fall down and she wasn’t capable of holding them all at once. It was the right thing to do, she was not going to let her sister get hurt.
“Don’t worry” Alex turned around “Lena will be fine and I’ll be here to help her.”
“I’m sorry about this, I can’t…”
“Safe travel” she interrupted Kara and walked away, leaving the superhero alone with her thoughts.
J’onn, who was hearing everything outside the room, came in and smiled tenderly to Supergirl, in an attempt to console her. Alex could be tough and cold and even distant sometimes, but her heart was big and she was always one to love recklessly and limitlessly, even if that destroyed her. Her fixation with self-sacrifice for those she loved was always there, ever since they were kids. Kara perfectly remembered every time her sister got in dangerous fights because of her, to defend her even knowing the young sister was strong enough to handle things by herself.
“You did the right thing, Kara” he whispered.
“I know, but I’m still worried” she sighed “let’s find Barry and tell him we’re good to go.”
“Right, have a safe trip, and don’t worry too much” J’onn smiled “Lena will be safe.”
Lena canceled all her meetings that cold and rainy morning to take her new roommate to the vet and had plenty of time to experience what it was like to take care of someone completely dependable on her. The dog was in pain while walking, had trouble standing up, and only looked comfortable when in one specific position. The Luthor almost bought the entire pet shop, not sure of what she should take home. Dog food, blankets, food pots, leashes, and even hygiene and bath products were chosen blindly. Lena desperately wished Kara was there with her, but three days had gone by and her friend didn’t even answer her texts.
Not that it bothered Lena too much, she knew Kara was on a work trip and it wouldn’t be very responsible to be on the phone, but something inside her kept saying something was very wrong and she had no idea what it could be. So Lena took the Luthor way and decided to ignore her heart and made her way to the vet, next to her, the small caramel puppy stared at her with curious and frightened eyes. Two days had gone by and Lena was not exactly sure how to deal with her. She didn’t know how to take care of the animal or what to do when she cried, but one thing she knew for sure: not being alone in her apartment was something Lena could get used to.
The dog still didn’t have a name and Lena spent hours staring at the computer screen learning about its race, the problems it could have during pregnancies, how to shower it and what it should or shouldn’t eat. Maybe she was overthinking it, but how could judge her? Lena didn’t want to fail her new partner and let her suffer from diseases or problems that could come up.
The driver parked in front of a building with baby blue walls where a huge board indicated every service available for clients, Jess was the one who chose the place. The last thing the secretary expected was to get a call from her boss Saturday morning asking her to find the best veterinary offices in the city and schedule a consultation, but it happened. However, Jess was thrilled to find out that the CEO had company now and knew that a dog would do her good, especially during pregnancy.
“Looks like we have two puppies in the way,” the doctor said smiling, while running the small machine on the dog’s newly shaved belly “and they look very healthy, she will probably go into labor in a few weeks.”
“Right” Lena sighed, relieved, petting the furry eyes trying to calm the dog down. When in fact, she was the one who needed calming down “and what should I do when that happens? She feels pain when she walks and can’t stand in the same position for too long.”
“I’m going to request an X-Ray to confirm my suspicions but I am almost sure she might have a broken bone” the doctor put the machine down and let Lena put the pet on her lap, “you told me she was rescued from the streets, right?”
“Yes, I adopted her from a dog shelter.”
“Okay, I’m going to give you some pills and ask for a leg and pelvis X-Ray, for now, she needs a lot of rest and love” she smiled and caressed the soft fur “what is her name?”
“I haven’t…” Lena sighed. It was past the time to choose a name for her companion and she already had one in mind “Agnes” she answered, smiling.
‘Luthors don’t have friends, they have minions’
“Alright, little Agnes, we’re going to keep an eye on you,” Lena noticed the way she shook her tail and was glad to see the dog more agitated “I’m also going to suggest you some dog food brands and your baby will be better in no time. About the labor, you can let be natural, there is no issue regarding that or, if you prefer, you can bring her in for a c-section.”
“Great” Lena smiled and took all the papers and recipes the doctor handled. After leaving the office, she bought a special leash. Red with a bone-shaped pin with her address, phone, and her new friend’s name.
By the sidewalk, Lena reached for her phone and took a quick photo of her with the caramel fur ball, who was so excited that licked the Luthor’s face. Lena was not expecting that and was moved by the affection, caressing the dog she carried her all the way to the car, feeling a funny warmth in her chest. The dog laid her head on Lena’s lap all the way back home, exhaling hot air directly to her prominent belly and quickly falling asleep. Lena felt as if she was starting a small family and the thought took her breath away. That was her family, at least for now.
L: I hope everything is okay.
L: Say hi to Agnes and Seedy!
L: ‘Lena sent a photo’
Before Lena could lock the screen and go back to looking out the window, the phone vibrated and a smile was formed intuitively.
K: Hi Agnes!
K: I miss you guys…
K: I’ll be back soon <3
The world stopped for a few moments. Kara had finally said something.
L: We miss you too <3
“What do you want?” Lena questioned Agnes for the third time, she stayed in the same position, sat down in front of the woman “are you hungry?” the dog whimpered softly and placed a paw on her knee “do you want to get on the sofa?” once again the whimper was heard “alright, come on up.”
The CEO tried to stay away from the company that afternoon, canceling her schedule and choosing to keep a close eye on her new partner, giving her the medicine at the exact required time and observing everything in detail, scared the pet would hurt. Lucky for Lena, the pills were working fast and Agnes was feeling less and less pain, which made her relieved. The doctor showed Lena the X-Ray results and came to the conclusion a small bone on her pelvis was fractured, nothing too serious, but it was the cause of all that suffering. According to the vet, that was common during pregnancy because there was a lower level of calcium on the mother’s body, once all nutrients ended up going to the puppies. And in that scenario, Agnes was holding two puppies.
The small dog was beginning to get used to the apartment, but Agnes, much like Kara, seemed to have that longing, begging look when she wanted something. The first night they were together, the puppy wept until Lena carried her over to the mattress and soon enough felt a furry body lay next to her, little head on her belly. An action that was becoming quite common. Every time that Lena was home, Agnes insisted on being as close as possible and always - always - touched her icy nose on her belly, giving the woman a unique sense of protection.
“I have to work, Agnes” Lena complained to the pet, who stared at her with those big brown loving eyes “don’t look at me like that, I already gave you food and took you out for a walk” the dog suspired and licked her exposed belly. Lena put the notebook aside and caressed Agnes’ ears “yes, I have a baby too” she lifted the shirt higher, one that gave to her a week before, letting the dog lick her skin again “see? I’m going to be a mommy just like you, well… not exactly like you” Lena sighed “I’m just keeping the baby safe until I give it to someone else, someone who will know how to take care of it” she explained, now caressing her belly and trying not to overthink her words. That one part of her body was always warm. “ did you take it well when you found out you were pregnant?” Agnes just kept staring at her and Lena smiled back to the pet “Seedy, this is our new friend” she looked down and placed both her hands on her stomach, where Agnes licked again “see? She likes you, just as I like you” Lena confessed, “like you more than I should…”
Before she could keep going with the monologue, her phone rang interrupting the moment. Agnes raised an ear, paying attention to the strange noise. Lena took the device and frowned, hesitating to answer it. It was an unknown number.
“Lena?” a cheerful voice answered back “this is Julie, from the pregnancy lessons!” the CEO arched an eyebrow and looked at Agnes, waiting for an explanation on the situation. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything, I got your number from teacher Zara.”
“Oh, no… you’re not interrupting anything” she laughed dryly “do you need anything?”
“Your wife told me she would be away this week and well, I wanted to know if I could pick you today” her body immediately tensed. Wife? What wife? “Lena?”
Oh, she meant her best friend! Shit. How could she deny it?
“I don’t… don’t know” Lena sighed, cornered “I’m not ready and I don’t want to be a bother.
“Don’t worry about it!” there were children noises in the background “just text me your address and we’ll be there in thirty minutes, I just need to feed Ezra and take my husband off the couch.”
“Oh… okay” she answered, uncertain. What was happening to her life?
“Put on comfortable clothes, Miss Power” Julie teased “see you later.”
As she hung up, Agnes was still on her lap with that calming face and Lena took a deep breath. Since when did she have friends like that? No, Julie and Ramona were not her friends. Were they? And what did Kara have to do with that? When did her best friend talk to Julie during the lesson? Okay. Everything was very, very confusing and Lena didn’t want to find an answer to all those questions now. She had half an hour to get changed, finish the email she began to write, and leave things arranged to make sure Agnes would be fine without her. Damn it, why did she always have to put herself in uncomfortable situations. Why couldn’t she ever say no?
Leaving her thoughts and fears aside, the Luthor ran to the bathroom and put on the first thing she found, happy to be able to wear leggings that didn’t hurt. She put on her sneakers and a green t-shirt and put her hair up on a perfect ponytail. As she looked in the mirror, Lena noticed how the bulge on her belly was starting to show through all her clothes. Now, this mess was becoming more and more real, more palpable and Lena still didn’t know how to feel about it. Not exactly.
Because deep down in her heart, she enjoyed looking at the mirror and seeing Seedy there, seeing she was no longer alone. She loved getting curious stares from loving women and strange couples, who focused on her belly and smiled timidly like Lena had won the greatest gift in the world. And Lena knew that she was sure of it. Seedy was most definitely her greatest gift, even if she couldn’t accept it.
“Well everyone, that is it for today, I hope you all enjoyed it” Zara finished another class and all the couples got up “don’t forget we have snacks by the garden, I’ve prepared special treats for our mommies!” She spoke lively.
“Oh, goddamn it” Ramona complained, massaging her thighs “dear, take my bag, please” she pointed to the bag and he promptly carried it.
“Are you in pain?” Lena asked, concerned, while Julie took a sleepy Ezra out of the stroller.
“Not exactly” she sighed “it’s the kicking”
“They’re… they’re moving?” Lena frowned “Christ, that must be… bizarre.”
“I’m not going to lie, at first it felt like there was a giant worm inside of me trying to get out” Ramona confessed and Julia laughed out loud at the description “but now I count the time for the next kick,” she noticed the curiosity on the Luthor’s face “c’mon, give me your hand.”
“No thanks.” she backed out.
“Stop being afraid” Julie stood next to her and Lena studied the boy’s wrinkled face over his mom’s shoulder. Ezra had just completed one year of life. “you’ll miss it when it’s over.”
“Feel it right here” Ramona took Lena’s wrist and placed her hand on the lower part of her womb “it’s starting to get crowded in there, but…” suddenly, Lena’s eyes widened and she stared at the colleague “did you feel it? And…again!?
“Oh, God…” Lena got closer and slowly traced the skin she was touching. She was fascinated and entirely charmed by the feeling “this is... fuck!” she blinked continuously, feeling the urge to cry “fucking hell…”
“Don’t worry, no one here is going to judge you” Julie laughed and stroked and shoulder
“Except miss perfect over there” Ramona whispered while they walked toward the garden “I heard she’s one of yours” she poked Lena.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lena frowned and served herself with some sweets.
“Lesbian, she means she’s a lesbian” Julie answered letting Lena lost in her thoughts. So Emily was gay? That was interesting and explained a lot “hold him for me, real quick” Julie held the boy to the CEO who got away quickly and terrified.
“No, no, no” Lena was more than nervous “no, I’ve never held a baby in my life, no.”
“C’mon, it’s quick and you’re going to have to hold one for the rest of your life” Julie shot back and passed Ezra to her.
Lena froze and her whole body tensed with despair. She held the little boy and if he was a heavy strange box, keeping him distant from herself, fat cute little legs in the air. Her eyes still stared at the pink cheeks, seeing him stared back at her, confused. Suddenly, Ezra put his little hands up and held her cheeks, smiling cheerfully, and showing his growing teeth. He petted her face, tracing her nose, and then those big brown eyes met her green ones.
And her heart melted instantly.
Awkwardly, Lena placed the boy's legs as if he was straddling her hips and stopped to admire every little detail on that baby. She had never interacted with a child before, much less a baby, and all those experiences she had been having were breaking her emotional walls down, they were shattering little by little inside her chest and causing a huge mess. Soon Lena began to wonder what Seedy would look like if she would have blond perfect hair like Supergirl or darker shades like hers if she would make her smile or the hero’s blue eyes, or even if she would ever ask Lens to kiss a bruise better. It felt like a dream, a beautiful, extraordinary dream.
“Did you like that?” Lena asked, seeing Ezra play with her simple necklace.
“Yeh yeh,” he asked.
“I’m sorry, love” she smiled tenderly “I’m afraid it’s dangerous for you.”
“That’s right” she kissed his fat cheeks “boo-boo.”
“See? It’s not that scary” Ramona commented, watching the scene with a smile “he might not be one of your robots but at least he’s cute, right? Isn’t that right? Hm?” she tickled the baby’s belly, making him laugh.
“You look pretty with one of those with you” Julia complimented, studying the scene with a smile “but I think you’re more of a girl’s mom kind of person.”
“He is so soft and smells so good” Lena whispered, still charmed by the boy “what do you mean girl’s mom?”
“I don’t know” Julie shrugged “changing the subject, you’re almost on the fourth month, soon you’ll know the sex!
“Yeah, I have a consultation next week” she explained, still holding the boy, who was still sleepy from his nap “I had to postpone it because Kara doesn’t like to miss ultrasounds” Lena smiled as she said her friend’s name.
God, she missed her so much it made her heartache. She couldn’t wait to see her again and feel the heat of her arms around her.
“Look how in love she is” Ramona teased and laughed as she saw the red blush cripple in the CEO’s face “if it’s a girl, do you already have a name?”
“Please, no double names” Julie gave her opinion “can you imagine the pain of teaching them to write their names?”
“But have you searched for names, yet? I’m sure you and your wife have at least discussed it” Ramona sighed “I and my husband have decided he gets to pick one and I pick the other one, so that way it’s fair.”
“I do, actually” she confessed for the first time. Lena never thought that moment would come when she would admit that yes, she had been thinking about names, about room decorations for babies, and even about changing her office to another room so Seedy’s room could be closer to hers.
Damn it, Lena complained internally, why did she have to be so weak? Why did she have to give in to that warm, comfortable feeling in her chest?
“And what is it?” they both asked, curious.
“Well,” Lena laughed uncomfortably “some years ago I looked my birth mother up but didn’t find much. I just know that her name was Elizabeth and so, if it is a girl, I’m going to name her Lizzie” she sighed, trying to hold back tears “in… in her memory.”
“That is wonderful, Lena” Julie stroked her shoulder again and smiled tenderly, understanding it was a painful subject for her. In reality, no one knew she was adopted except her family, and Kara, of course.
Who, while this endless mess kept going, was her wife apparently.
“I heard everyone in your family has a name that starts with an L” Ramona commented, “are you going to follow this tradition?”
“I still… what is he doing?” Lena asked, watching Ezra his position in her lap, laying down and touching his small face to her breasts.
“Ezra is hungry” Julie took him off her lap and gave him the breast “he smelt your milk” okay, that was new and bizarre.
She had milk?
“I think you need a change of clothes” Ramona pointed to Lena’s shirt, now stained around her nipples. Lena felt her face burn with shame and fear. That had never happened before. She tried to cover it with her hands and frowned, those wet balls over her breasts were completely visible for everyone “hey, don’t be like that. It’s completely normal and it will only become more frequent.”
“What do you say we go shopping, huh?” Julie asked, excited, making little Ezra grumble “I need new clothes and accessories for the new room, besides I’m expecting my first girl and I do want to be those doting moms.”
“I’m in, I’m running low on my diaper storage” both women turned to Lena, who had her arms crossed in front of the shirt feeling terribly uncomfortable “and you, have you started preparing for the arrival of...what was the name again?”
“Seedy” Julie answered for her “which is an… uncommon nickname.”
“Kara chose it” Lena murmured, “and I haven’t… er, bought...anything.”
“Oh, Christ, Lena!” Julie took Ezra off her breast and placed him over her shoulder, waiting for him to hiccup and go back to his nap “we have an emergency then!”
“Don’t worry, Lena” Ramona intertwined their arms “we got you.”
Unable to deny or at least escape that situation, the CEO found herself being carried by the two women towards one of the biggest stores for babies and pregnancies. After all, how could she explain she wasn’t keeping the child? And that she wasn’t married to her best friend? And she had no clue what she was doing? Well, at the moment there weren't any solutions, therefore she had no choice. Julie left Ezra with his father and Ramona told her husband she would be home by dinner. Something Lena was extremely jealous of, seeing she had no one to tell or go back home to.
Suddenly, Lena smiled. Yes, there was someone for her to go back home to. Someone with four legs, furry ears, caramel fur, and contagious joy. She might not be a person, but she was family. Her little family; and for now that was enough.
She called the driver, listening to her two new ‘friends’ gossip excitedly, praising Lena for the achievements they read about in a CatCo article. Of course, they complimented Kara too, responsible for all those well-written and structured articles. They both agreed they made the perfect couple and certainly Kara loved her wife a lot, for always writing the best and greatest words about the CEO and L-Corp. And what could Lena say? It was true. Kara really earned the reporter title and was always glad to know she had helped Lena, even if indirectly, catalyzing her decision to stay and fight for her career. However, Kara wasn’t her wife, much less her girlfriend.
On the way to the store, while the two women talked, Lena stared out the window and caressed her belly with a shy smile. She didn’t intend to buy anything and didn’t want to create an illusion of building a room for a child that wasn’t going to be hers. Still, Lena couldn’t wait to feel the first kicks or to find out the baby’s gender. Would it be a girl? Could she be named Lizzie or would it be little Liam? God, her heart raced when she thought those moments would happen soon. And it made her blue because she wasn’t going to a mom. Luthors didn’t have that capacity and therefore that sacrifice was necessary.
Her phone vibrated, pulling Lena out of the thought whirlwind.
A: Hey, are you busy tomorrow morning?
L: Good afternoon, Alex.
L: At what time?
A: Oh yeah, I forgot you own a multimillionaire empire and I have to schedule an hour earlier.
L: Well, my name is in that building so it’s hard to miss.
L: I thought you could read.
A: I just prefer to read interesting things that give some kind of useful knowledge.
A: Nothing personal.
L: What do you wish from me, agent Danvers? You know I’m not used to being the other woman.
A: Oh, that’s a shame.
A: Because I have a very platonic crush for powerful women with dark hair and green eyes.
L: Sorry, you won't be reciprocated this time.
L: You’re not my type.
A: Badass and pretty redheads?
L: Nosy redheads with a terrible sense of humor.
A: You almost offended me.
A: I know what your type is.
L: Oh, now I’m curious, agent Danvers.
A: Blond women with blue eyes that wear glasses and work as a reporter for CatCo.
Okay. Lena did not see that coming and didn’t know what to answer. She could almost hear Alex’s laughter from across the city.
A: I know you have a thing for the Danvers, Luthor.
A: Meet me at 7 am at Noonan’s.
That megastore looked like the perfect place for Lena to go bankrupt in a matter of seconds and what comforted her was the knowledge she could buy three - or more - places like that. Ramona and Julie had a clear goal, unlike the CEO, who although was always very focused and calculated every step, now seemed lost. The hallways went through clothing and mobilia items, distributed in two huge floors. Everything was so colorful, bright, and completely inviting. It was like a mother’s paradise, she thought.
And what the hell was she doing there if she wasn’t even going to a mom?
Ramona found a shopping cart for them to share and Julie held the Luthor’s arm, smiling childishly and showing her a piece of paper. Lena arched a brow and was apprehensive, she knew that was probably something she wouldn’t like.
“I took the liberty of making a small list for you in the car” she spoke excitedly “since I already had a baby, I’m more used to this.”
“Julie is going to show you how not to get lost in this place, it’s important” Ramona winked and Lena nodded quietly, still feeling lost and trying to process all that information.
“Rule number one: don’t buy too many clothes and shoes, newborns don’t need a lot” she explained “they also grow really fast so it's better to buy little by little. Rule number two: you're going to need so many, so many diapers, and wet wipes and cream for burns. This is what you have to focus on” the trio walked through the diaper aisle and stopped before a mountain of packages.
“There are three good diaper brands,” Ramona said and took the packages in her hand “I particularly like this one” she showed the green and white package “I’ve heard good things about this one, but this one is also a strong contestant” she raised the red package.
“I think…I’ll take the first one?” Lena spoke uncertainly. her heart was racing a marathon and her hands were covered in a cold sweat. What had her life become?
“Good choice, girl!” Julie celebrated and put another ten packages on the cart, separating the CEO’s place on it “creams for burns are all pretty much the same, you can always go for the cheapest and for wet wipes I suggest you buy the odorless and specifically for newborns.”
“Also the baby might develop an allergy so you should take some for testing” Ramona finished the sentence. The cart only got fuller and fuller as they walked the store.
“And if my baby has an allergy? What should I do?” Lena asked curiously, picking some soaps, shampoos, and a body lotion. She didn’t even know what it was for but she was not going to complain. Everything there smelled so good.
“You’ll have to clean him with a tissue diaper or you can choose cotton” Julie answered and put five packaged of cotton in the cart.
“Now, to the kitchen aisle” Ramone guided them to the left side “do you intend to breastfeed Seedy?”
“Of course!” Lena answered faster than she should have and frowned. What the hell,
Lena? She thought to herself, you’re not even keeping this baby!
“Don’t give up on the first time, okay?” Julie studied a few baby bottles and pacifiers “In doubt, always have one of these at home. I’ll be true, breastfeeding on the first days might bother you and it might hurt as well, but don’t give up.”
“Do you have any favorite colors? Not that it matters, I think this blue is boy and girl is pink is bullshit, they don’t even know the colors” Ramona grumbled, “what is your wife’s favorite color?”
Wife. She took a deep breath. Kara was still her wife.
“Blue and red” Lena sighed “actually, any color looks perfect on her,” she confessed, making the others laugh.
“Well, we have red and white” she pointed to the shelf. Lena analyzed each one at a time and picked a baby blue with small white balls, all the pacifiers she chose were also blue.
Blue like Kara’s eyes, she thought.
“Clothing section” Julie pointed to the next hallway and on the way there the three of them grabbed more things, even if unnecessary. At least they were cute
The clothing section was insane, definitely insane. Now Lena understood what Julie meant with ‘don’t get too many clothes’ because she wanted to take the whole hallway home and never get rid of anything. On that thought, Lena wondered if mothers had that habit of keeping their children’s clothes even if they were all grown up. Well, if they didn’t, it didn’t matter. She could never throw those cute flowery dresses or blue rompers with a sailor’s drawing away. And just like that, they had to get another shopping cart, so the three of them could carry home almost a whole brand new wardrobe.
Even with her brain telling her to not get too excited, not to put too much effort, Lena’s heart felt warm in her chest, approving that unique moment of her life. When else would she have the courage to buy all those things? When would she imagine she would have two unexpected friends to guide her through this moment and help her process of acceptance? Fine, they didn’t know about the real condition that the child was imposed on, but now it didn’t seem to matter so much. Lena was plain conscious of what was happening there, though she didn’t know what she was doing. Although she wouldn’t say it out loud, although she was scared to think about her feelings, she loved that baby.
Lena loved that baby unconditionally.
The three of them drifted apart through lines of hangers, each one looking for what pleased them the most. Lena didn’t know her baby’s gender but that wasn’t important. One by one, she selected a color palette that matched each other, all in soft, tasteful tones that reminded her of herself and of Kara. As she walked back to the shopping cart, Lena felt a bump on her legs and heard a thud. She looked down and found a little girl with blond hair put back in two braids.
“Hello” Lena quickly got down and helped her get up, getting down on one knee to check for bruises “are you okay? are you hurt?”
“No” the girl smiled, fixing the yellow dress she was wearing “oh…you have a baby inside you?” Lena laughed with the girl's bluntness.
“Yes, I do” she answered tenderly “what is your name?”
“Anna” her brown curious eyes still stared at the Luthors stomach “and I am five” she put one hand up “that’s all the fingers here!”
“That’s right, Anna” Lena congratulated “you’re a smart girl.”
“My mom also has a baby inside her belly, you know” she commented “can I touch it?” she pointed to Lena.
“Yeah, put your hands here” Lena held the girl’s hands between hers and placed them on her belly “it’s still little so you can’t feel it yet.”
“It’s warm” Anna giggled “did you swallow it? How did it end up there? Isn’t it the stork that brings babies?” she shot Lena with questions that the poor woman didn’t know how to answer.
How do you explain these things to kids? She thought. Actually, she didn’t want to know. If she ever had to explain to Seedy how she was made, Lena would rather make a completely different story up. Because, biologically, two women can’t impregnate each other - unfortunately - and she could never make sense of what Rhea had done that started this whole mess.
“Anna! Where are you, dear?” Lena heard a voice call from across the hallway.
“Oops! That’s my mom” Anna frowned “bye, miss!” she gave her a noisy peck on the cheek and ran off, leaving Lena alone, knelt on the ground, and with a warm feeling on her face. She had never gained affection so… easily.
“How do you do that?” Ramona asked, approaching her with Julie.
“Do what?” Lena asked back, getting up.
“Make kids fall in love with you” Julie explained “you’re going to be a wonderful mother, Lena. I’m sure of it.”
And once again, the CEO felt the urge to cry, because she had never thought someone would tell her those words with so much certainty.
She was going to be a wonderful mother.
Noonan’s was a well-known cafeteria for Lena, after all, Kara loved their waffles. So, she usually would run there, buy an honorable breakfast like the young Danvers deserved and send someone to deliver at her home since her best friend usually woke up a few hours after Lena would arrive at L-Corp. And Kara didn’t get up that late, Lena was the one that woke up too early, preferring to arrive at the company before everyone, so she could organize her paperwork and revisit that week’s schedule before her day began.
As she walked in the place, Lena soon saw a tall redhead on the other side, sitting on a table by the window. Her body would always get chills and trepidation for being there accompanied by the older Danvers. Not that she was afraid, no. What she felt was different. Alex was intimidating, yes, but not enough to make the Luthor scared and she was too sarcastic, however, Lena could also act like that. At the end of the day, they came to the realization, little by little, that they were very similar, more than it pleased them. But, to what point could they trust each other. Could Lena consider them friends?
God, she had so many questions, so many doubts, and still, she agreed to come and have breakfast with the agent.
Lena sat in front of her, putting her purse beside her, and noticed how Alex was a mess, exhausted. Her eyes had a weird red color and circling it, dark and deep tones were visible. Her hair was messy and her shirt was rumpled. Lena had never seen someone look so down as if a hurricane had gone through them. Apparently, someone had bigger issues than her.
“I thought you weren’t coming anymore” Alex grumbled.
“I’m a woman of my words, Danvers” Lena answered fast, studying the huge water bottle the other woman was carrying “so, what do I own this unexpected invitation?”
“I just wanted to check on you” she shrugged because that was the truth.
“Oh, so you do have a heart!” Lena teased and they both laughed “I’m fine, in fact, you’re the one who looks like you had some rough days.”
“You can say that” she drank from the bottle continuously “Kara asked me to tell you she’ll be back by the weekend and is excited to know Seedy’s gender.”
“Of course” Lena rolled her eyes “I’m going to lose my best friend for a baby.”
“Luthors don’t feel jealousy.”
“Kara is seeing this new guy from CatCo,” Alex said and Lena choked on the coffee she was having.
“Wh-what?” she blinked five times, trying to process the information. To then realize, it was a lie and Alex was laughing out loud “you’re a monster.”
“Just trying to prove a fact, Luthor” Alex winked, teasingly “I’m a scientist, just like you.”
“And to what thesis did your hypothesis come to, agent Danvers?” Lena smirked and crossed her arms.
“That Luthors do feel jealousy.” Lena rolled her eyes and saw Alex drink another big gulp of water. Something was odd about the smell coming from that bottle, it was stronger and more intense.
“Okay,” Lena smiled, “my turn to prove a point.”
“Your eyes are red and you’re more tired” she pointed to Alex’s face, who tensed her jaw “your hands shake when you raise this bottle and I bet my job at L-Corp that this is not water.”
Alex didn’t know what to answer. Her breath was out of pace and she was ready to give a rude answer as she did to many of her worried friends.
“You can tell me whatever excuse or ironic answer you want to, you don’t scare me” Lena continued “I’m only leaving here when you tell me what is going on.”
“Maggie and I broke up.”