Music to listen to as you read this chapter:
Roberta Flack - The first time ever I saw your face
Hozier – Work Song
Seven years later
There isn't a single day in my life in the last seven years in which Claire doesn't make me feel like the proudest man in the world. She is the most skilled physician, the most attentive mother, and the most perfect wife I ever imagined I could have in my daily life. And the pregnancy of our little Faith made me certain that Claire is the strongest woman I know.
It was a late Sunday morning in early June when the fear overwhelmed our family for the first time since we found out about the pregnancy. On that incredibly hot day for late spring, Claire wore a short gray dress that adjusted perfectly to her even more beautiful curves, including her now prominent belly; and kept her hair in a high ponytail with her voluminous curls falling down her back, her long neck fully exposed making me want to kiss that soft skin every five seconds. Yes, she was even more beautiful pregnant with my child and I was just the luckiest guy in the world.
I got to know Claire quite well in the year we were together, and the most noticeable trace in her personality was that she didn't know how to lie. And especially on that day, the half-hearted smile she put on her face to try to convince me that everything was fine, actually made me feel that nothing was fine. I noticed an unusual concern hovering over her eyes, and my heart just knew that something was wrong, even if she kept saying the opposite.
Claire was extremely tired that day and nothing I said or did was enough to make her leave the bedroom. This is why I had already given up our plan to take Fergus and his friends to the soccer field next to our house. Something kept telling me that I shouldn't leave my Sassenach's side... and I'm glad I listened to my sixth sense.
Fergus and I were setting up the pool in the backyard, shortly before Sunday lunch, when we heard Claire's distressed scream echoing so loudly through the house that it reached my ears in a blink of an eye. I instinctively shouted her name back before I left whatever I was doing to run desperately through the house until I reached upstairs. My mind kept thinking of several scenarios during those few seconds, but none of them prepared me for the way I found Claire in our bedroom.
I still have a clear picture of everything that went through my head during those few seconds, as if I was living in a slow-motion movie. Claire was standing near the bathroom door, twitching in pain as she held the lower portion of her belly with her hand while the other one was leaving a trace of blood on the door frame. A red line was dripping down her inner legs making a puddle on the wooden floor, and in those few moments I kept staring at her, completely shocked, it seemed to me that the puddle of blood around her feet was getting bigger. She was looking down, sweaty, and ruddy due to the effort she made to control the pain, but, as soon as she saw me arrive, her eyes full of tears were instantly soothed. Even though I was as desperate as she was and unsure which action to take, I was right there for her, I was right there for them.
The very next second I was at Claire's side, covering her hand with mine under her belly while I wrapped my arm around her back. I kissed her sweaty hair near her temple fiercely, the more she cried on my shoulder and screamed in utter despair "It's happening again!", the harder I hugged her.
This time I was there to comfort her.
Everything we had feared the most was happening, we didn't need to say a single word to know what we were thinking in the middle of the chaos. We remained astonished for a few moments, as we were anesthetized inside that little bubble filled with pain and sorrow, but I finally awoke when I heard Fergus, standing at the door of our room, saying anxiously, "My little sister cannot die!".
Acting as practical as possible, I swiftly picked up my Sassenach in my arms and laid her on the bed as Fergus called the emergency while caressing his mother's leg. My precious Fergus. Everything was very messed up and filled with pain, but still, I could notice his reactions that morning. He had shown much confidence and tranquility talking on the phone that, from that day on, I was sure he would be an excellent firefighter.
At least he had taken something after me, besides
the jealousy the zeal for his mother!
Fergus had grown up a very healthy boy, but the time of his pregnancy was very difficult for Claire. Aside from my Sassenach and I not being together, she had undergone a placental abruption prior to the 5th month of pregnancy and, even if it was carried until the end, the delivery of our boy was very difficult for mother and child. So, because of this medical history, Faith's pregnancy was always managed with care since the beginning: from Fergus’s interaction with his mother, including our intimate moments, and even modifying my Sassenach's work routine at the hospital, with shorter procedures and shortened shifts. Everything had been changed so our Faith could stay as healthy as possible inside her mother's womb, but God had other plans to test our faith in Him.
We remained in almost complete silence after the medical team arrived at our home, sharing just a few words inside the ambulance, and while we were waiting at the hospital for medical care. There was plenty of stress and tons of concern surrounding us, but even if I saw so much uneasiness and fear in Claire, I could notice so much bravery and courage in her eyes as well.
I had no doubt that Claire would never stop fighting for Faith's life, just as she had done for Fergus when I found her in that same hospital more than a year before. Besides, I knew that being there in those two very tough times - Fergus’s hospitalization and the sudden bleeding in Faith's pregnancy - was really important for Claire.
In one of the many late-night conversations that we usually have in the silence of our room, she confessed to me how emotional it was to see me in the hospital hallways as soon as she heard about Fergus' accident at school, that I brought such clarity to a day that had started in darkness for her. Even appalled by all that was to come and by the fact that I was there in front of her after so many years, Claire said to me that I calmed her down almost instantly just to be by her side.
And there, even seven years later, I could see in my Sorcha's eyes that it was still the same for her.
I went with Claire to all her appointments and ultrasounds, and hearing my little girl's heart beating for the first time was one of the most unspeakable experiences in my life. And there, while praying silently for their health, I prayed to God to bring back that moment. I needed to hear that heart beating once more.
While we waited in the emergency room filled with patients, doctors, and nurses, I felt Claire squeeze my hand hard once we saw the obstetrician on duty coming in with the ultrasound machine. Yes, it was only a few minutes of waiting, but time enough for fear and lack of confidence to hover above us like buzzards looking for food.
Nothing made Claire's eyes move away from the monitor, not even the cold gel that had been one of her greatest complaints during all the ultrasounds, much less the doctor's countless questions about the most recent facts. My wife's answers were straightforward and almost monosyllabic while she barely blinked her eyes. My Sassenach was stressed, worried, and she didn't need to say anything for me to know everything that was going on inside her head. She just wanted to see and hear our little girl. And I needed to be sure that both of them were safe.
Those few seconds seemed to last a lifetime as the doctor kept silent, as well as the two of us until we finally heard our little Faith's heartbeat again and observed, through the ultrasound, how she was moving inside her mother's womb. She was there, well, and even more energetic than the doctor had hoped, and even if we knew that things would change completely in our lives from that moment on, all the hope which had vanished from our hearts rose up like a phoenix from the ashes.
Even though she was clearly concerned and with deep distress engraved on her face, my Sassenach stood strong to make our little girl arrive into the world in the best way possible. With a complete rest and the essential support provided by my mother to take care of Claire and Fergus when I was at work, my wife managed to prolong her pregnancy for another 10 weeks until the middle of August.
33 pregnancy weeks. It was not the perfect moment, but at least our girl chose the day of her birth. And they both needed to survive the next challenge.
My eyes were fixed on everything around us inside the big surgery room, from the movements of the medical staff to the comfort of my wife. And even though all the medical protocols prescribed for her case were being followed to the letter, including the c-section, there were still so many concerns about our whole family during those hours.
And yes, I stood by her side the whole time. Remember I swore I'd never leave Claire's side and never allow her to disappear again?
Weighing somewhat more than 4 pounds and with only about 15 inches, Faith was so small that her head would fit in the palm of my hand. Her skin was as clear, translucent, and sparkling as a pearl, and her eyes still had no lashes, but I found them very much like mine. Faith was gracious, especially with the small amount of hair she had on her head, the most beautiful copper color I had seen, exactly the same color I saw in my dream months ago.
She was perfect, with ten fingers and ten toes, and with the strongest cry I've ever heard coming from a baby that small! As strong as her mother, Faith showed such a great will to survive that, in each of the 18 days I went to visit her in the hospital, I became even prouder of my little fighter... and of my big fighter too!
Claire was hanging in there during the first days after childbirth, recovering in the best way she could while, throughout the day, I or one of the nurses took her in a wheelchair to see our girl. Her strength grew increasingly as the hours and days went by, but it was the presence of our son that brought the easy-going smile back to her face after ten weeks of concern.
The only time I saw my Sassenach get emotional during all the days of Faith's hospitalization was when she was released from the hospital and had to "leave" our little one. Claire had no intention to move away from Faith’s side at all, as it only had passed 4 days since her birth, and for that purpose, my wife tried to persuade Joe to remain in the hospital for a few more days. My Sassenach wept hopelessly while saying over and over again that Faith couldn't be left alone, but our friend was steadfast when he said Faith was reacting well to the treatments, very well cared for by the nurse staff, and that our family needed their matriarch back home.
She was really shaken that morning, but amazingly those were her last tears. After that day Claire showed me yet another side of her personality that I still didn't know. She had transformed all that apprehension and fear of the last 10 weeks of pregnancy into a strength as powerful as a lioness who instinctively looked after her baby. There wasn't a single moment that I heard her complain about the afterbirth pains - which I knew she was feeling - or to challenge God or the universe for what was happening in our family. Even if she was incredibly tired, Claire always woke up with a hopeful smile on her face, happy to spend another day with our little girl.
We had the same routine during all the days of hospitalization. We woke up before 6 a.m. to enjoy each other's presence while we talked about our plans and all the expectations we had about Faith's health. Close to 7 a.m., right after a quick shower, we had breakfast with Fergus while Claire and I answered our son's questions about his sister's health. And then, since Fergus was on vacation, we took him to Lamb's, Murtagh's, or Joe's house before finally heading back to the hospital.
During the 14 days of the Paternity Pay and Leave, I split my time between the hospital and Fergus while Claire remained exclusively with our Faith. I spent the mornings with them, soaking in that pink world that was arising in my life, and in the afternoons my world became blue, filled with superheroes, fights, and soccer.
I had gone through some very touching moments during those last days, like watching the movements and sounds my daughter made or how to be enchanted over and over again by every single loving and grateful look I got from Claire. I was ready to repeat that same routine again that morning, but something changed on the 13th day since Faith's birth.
We needed to take Fergus to school, but since it was my last day off before returning to work, Claire insisted on me going to the hospital before her. Once I got there, I followed the usual routine of going straight to the neonatal ICU to say 'good morning' to my lovely little fighter. Everything went as usual on that path that was very well known to me, but not seeing Faith's name on the sign attached to the front door of that hospital hallway made my mind stop thinking properly for a few seconds.
"Good morning, Mr. Fraser!" Nurse Dubtfire appeared right next to me with her usual soothing smile. She had been Claire's former coworker during the time she was a medical resident at Oxford. "Please erase that concern from your face! Your little girl was moved to the maternity before the morning round, about an hour ago! We already called Claire!"
The moment I stood in front of the glass window of the nursery, the joy that was flowing inside my body was so overwhelming that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I decided that doing both at once was the best choice and, even if my eyes were clouded by the tears that kept on growing, they didn't have to wander too much to find my redhead and her pink clothes in between so many babies.
A couple of minutes later I was there for the first time, alone with my little girl, face to face without her mother's presence. At last, I managed to fulfill a dream that I had nourished during the last 13 days and before that, but which I hadn't been able to accomplish until then.
I didn't have to say out loud what I was willing to do. As soon as Mrs. Doubtfire called me to step in the maternity, she offered me the hospital outfit and requested that I should remove the shirt before putting on the apron because on that morning I would finally feel my girl against my skin for the very first time. I sat for a few moments in a comfortable chair in a private room of the maternity ward, and only there I realized that the jitters were seizing me like never before. I kept looking back at the door as I felt my hands sweat helplessly against the armrests. My heart was beating so fast in my chest that it was getting harder and harder to breathe properly.
Claire had told me how wonderful it was to feel our baby sleep skin to skin on her chest, but no words were enough to explain what I felt when I was so close to my youngest child. She was so small! My eyes remained lost in her paced breaths and the tiny smiles she threw at me until a very well-known voice caught my attention:
"I'm lucky all the nurses on this shift are my friends..." Claire was leaning on the doorway frame and even if her voice had mixed tones of reproach and fun, she smiled at me with tears in her eyes. "I know all the women in this hospital must have seen at least one of your calendars, but to see you like this, in person, is harder to control yourself... At least it was like this for me!
"In my defense, only Mrs. Doubtfire saw me like this!" We exchanged funny smiles as she walked up to me, rubbing my cheek before kissing my hair. "And Fergus?"
"Dressing up in the room next door!" Claire stroked our girl's rosy cheek, that image bringing so much love to my heart that it overflowed into my eyes through a calm and emotional weep. "We were almost walking into the principal's office to deliver Fergus' up-to-date documents when Euphegenia called me." I was smiling as Claire wiped away my tears. " The boy was so happy that he could finally hold his little sister for the first time that he kept jumping on the chair seat with so much happiness! He wants to hold her little sister exactly as you are doing now!"
"He keeps saying he wants to teach her many things and that she will be his best friend!" Claire smiles in amazement as she nods. "We have a great boy, Sassenach, and these two are going to be quite a duo!"
"Hi, Da!" Fergus had a huge smile when he saw Faith on my lap.
"Hi, son!" I messed up his hair with my hand and smiled back at him in reaction to the slight annoyance he used to express when I did that. "Here is yer big day, champ!"
Unable to stop smiling at our children, Claire and I remained on our feet while we watched that beautiful scene play out for the first time. Fergus could not hold back the happiness he felt while sitting in the same chair as I while opening his apron wide to welcome his sister into his arms for the first time. Faith cried a bit when I placed her in her brother's arms, but Fergus only had to speak softly in Faith's ear to soothe her till she began to make happy sounds.
And, since that moment, Fergus and Faith have always been as thick as thieves. If he always were a guardian for his mother, when it came to Faith, things got even stronger. He chose the pastries and the decoration when Faith finally went home, he learned how to change diapers and to bathe, as well as how to feed his sister. But what made him feel more fulfilled was being able to hold Faith in his arms and talk softly in her ear, exactly like the first time, and with the closeness only felt by siblings.
The years went by, the children grew up and today Faith is six years old. Even if she looks like me, physically speaking, there is no doubt that she took after Claire in all the other areas. She is taller than the average child of her age, left-handed, with red hair and some freckles on her face. That would be enough information to be sure that she took a lot after me, but she has amber-colored eyes and beautiful curly hair just like her mother's, besides carrying Claire's personality.
Yes, I have it all in double and I know this is just the beginning!
This little ginger girl amazes us more and more every day with her cleverness and wisdom. The younger generations are born even smarter, but definitely, the fact that Fergus is her brother helped her to always be a girl before her time.
Our children may be each other's best friends, but they sure argue sometimes like in any healthy sibling relationship. However, even with the small disagreements between them, the love they feel for each other is our greatest pride.
They have their own bedrooms ever since Faith turned two, when we decided to move to another house. They may have their own space nowadays, but that doesn't mean that Faith stays exclusively inside her room when we tell her it's time to bed. We act as if we don't notice when she sneaks into her brother's room so that they lie down together so Fergus can tell her a story. This is something he used to do with Faith on a daily basis since they both shared the bedroom and our girl could never stop doing it at least three times a week after we moved in. Even though she sometimes wakes up in a bad mood for not sleeping enough, Claire and I know how important it is to nourish this relationship between them. And Fergus is a boy responsible enough to figure out when it's time to send his sister back to her room.
Fergus! He keeps surprising me since the first day I met him. He is almost 16 years old and yes, that scares us to death too! My boy is nearly as tall as me, he already has some beard and his voice has changed many times during recent years! He is an excellent student, an excellent son, and an excellent brother. Really a golden boy and I thank God every day that he is a part of our lives. Although I wasn't there during much of his childhood, I wouldn't have found my Sassenach without his presence and I wouldn't have my family at all.
Or would the universe try to figure out a different way to bring us together?
Opposite to what Claire and I had imagined, Fergus didn't abandon the idea of becoming a firefighter. Quite the contrary! So much so that, since the beginning of the school year a month ago, Fergus started to work as an intern in my department to finally join the fire department course as soon as he finished school. Two afternoons a week, always on Mondays and Thursdays. He helps us to organize the uniforms, the protective gear, and the common areas so that the battalion routine is preserved. Fergus has a very important role there and, although he complains sometimes, he wants to do more than "just tidy things up, Da!", deep down he knows there is a time for everything. And he is trying very hard to do his best every day!
Today is Friday, the 20th of October, my Sassenach's 45th birthday. And no, the years still don't seem to have passed for her. Her beauty is even brighter every day and without a doubt, I'm one of the most in love men in the world!
She invited the entire family and some of her hospital coworkers to the party later today and it is a good thing that our house has a wide outdoor space to host so many people at the same time. Jenny is already here with her family and they are staying at the house my mother shares with Murtagh for over three years, a move made when Ellen finally made up her mind to open a branch of her store in London to be closer to her boyfriend, that she traveled to see almost every weekend. I know Murtagh very well and over time I learned to decipher my mother´s character, and even if it was quite odd for me to see the two of them together at first, I just knew the feelings they had for each other were real, from the very beginning. And to see how this healthy relationship just keeps growing for them and the rest of our family is reason enough to make me smile.
I hardly feel out of place wherever Claire goes professionally and most of her coworkers are very friendly to me. Except for one. This guy makes me emotionally unstable whenever I think about him: Mark Scott. Aye, Scott, I also rolled my eyes the first time I heard his last name. He's American, a world-renowned plastic surgeon, in his forties, single, and very, very good-looking. He has been working at the Royal Brompton Hospital for the last two months as one of the guest doctors attending the plastic surgery program for patients who need surgery procedures after accidents or fires.
The mere mention of his name makes me lose my appetite. Besides the fact that he is very good looking, he is also an excellent professional with a big heart. Bleh... And the worst thing is that Claire hasn't stopped talking about him even for a single moment during these last days. It doesn't matter to me if they're working together with very complex cases with the students of the program. Just thinking about them interacting during the bigger part of the day makes a knot in my stomach but, on top of that, I have to listen to the thousand praises she says about her coworker during the few hours of the day that should be directed only and exclusively to our family.
Yes, Claire supervises the class with him and no, I'm not capable of handling the level of jealousy that arises inside me when I think about him with my Sassenach. He hits on Claire in the open, even when I am there. I've tried to talk to her about that a few times and this is one of the few issues that lead us to argue. The only one, I think.
Claire keeps saying that Mark isn't doing anything wrong and that I'm a jealous bastard who can't stand the sight of a man around her and suspects that there is a sexual attraction involved. Well, she's right, partly. I must confess that I can't think properly sometimes, but I definitely know when a man is hitting on my wife.
And he's hitting on my wife!
I have been trying hard not to mention Mark Scott's name during the last few days and even more today. I can tell that Claire has done the same, being aware of it or not. We are living a very special moment of festivities, with lots of happiness and the last thing I want is to destroy anything we have built. But I never imagined it would be so difficult to be rational.
Although we pretend nothing is happening, I feel like things are somewhat shaky between us because of our last quarrels and this feeling only makes me feel even more insecure. Of course, I know the love Claire has for me, but the unconscious and relentless fear I feel when I imagine that she might want to replace me for that guy, a man who is so much more interesting than me, haunts me terribly during these last months.
Well, Claire was able to adjust today's schedule at the hospital so she had time to pick up everything she had ordered for her party, and having Jenny and my mother here for another one of these endeavors brought me automatically back to the time we got married, 7 years ago. The same kind of partnership from those days and from all the last years joined forces once more for one single purpose: to organize another great party.
Sadly Brian cannot attend Claire's birthday this year, but he is still a very present member of our family since he had his stroke. The scare he had was overwhelming during that time, so much so that everything in his life has been reconsidered after that. Thus, at least once a year Jenny, I, and our families meet my father in one of the many hotels across Scotland to spend a few days enjoying each other's company. He still interacts as little as possible with Ellen, but I'm glad they can overcome their problems for the sake of our family, especially their grandchildren.
I left work early to pick up the kids at school before leaving them in the presence of Murtagh, Ian, and my nephews young Ian, young Jamie, and Margaret. Little Maggie is the "surprise last child", as Jenny loves to say, and was born when Faith was about two years old. With her straight red hair of a tone that looks like a ripe strawberry and her blue eyes as deep as the ocean, she looks like an electric doll not only due to her beauty but also to the energy she has inside her little body!
Faith and Maggie are both inseparable, both in person or online, and they make a great team! They are very alike and don't look like twin sisters only because Maggie is much shorter than our little girl. If Faith is taller than the average kids of her age because of me, Maggie is the shortest in her class because of Jenny!
Maggie runs towards me as she sees us coming and jumps excitedly so that I hold her in my arms:
"Uncle! Uncle!" She says as she holds her arms around my neck tightly. "When are we going to yer house for Aunt Claire's party?"
"In two hours!" I show the number with my fingers and she repeats it, making me smile when I see her blue eyes shining brightly. "That's it, two! Yer mother will soon come here to get ye ready and bring yer cousins' clothes!" I say while I put her on the floor and caress her face, making her smile. Soon I see the grown-ups of the house and I look back at them. "Murtagh, Ian! How are ye guys dealing with all this mess?" I speak quietly when I point at the children and I laugh.
"We'll make ye pay for this, Fraser," Murtagh says angry, but with a broad smile hidden behind his white beard. "We're going to leave all of them at yer place for the night. We need to get some rest and peaceful moments with our women after so much work!" I nod, laughing, and hugging him hard.
I get home and grab a beer in the fridge before I say goodbye to Jenny and my mom. They tell me Claire got a bit stressed with some of the suppliers and that is why they didn't allow the birthday girl to help them for too long with the organization of the house exterior, where the party is going to be.
Claire needs to rest for the big event and I need to have some quiet time alone with my wife before everyone arrives. But being welcomed by her in front of the bathroom sink, wearing only little black panties, made me forget our little misunderstandings and that we would have guests in less than two hours. She is pinning some of her hair behind her ear while smiling at me through the mirror, and her mere sight makes me walk up to her in broad strides to hold her around her back as I breathe in the scent that flows from the curve of her neck. A perfume that always leaves me feeling intoxicated for the last 15 years.
"Seeing ye like this reminds me of my 40-year-old birthday gift, Dr. Fraser..." I speak against the skin of her neck and she laughs softly and cheekily, her body shivering when she feels my fingers slide along the outline of her breasts.
"Do you want another show like that?" she arches one of her eyebrows. "I can help you with that..."
"Ah, I want it so badly, Sorcha. I always want to, ye ken that, but not today. Today is my day to give ye gifts, aye?" While observing her in the mirror, I follow a slow path down her belly with my fingers until I reach the most sensitive part underneath the panties. She moans when she feels my fingers moving through her clitoris and then she quickly closes her eyes with sheer pleasure. She lays her head on my chest and briefly opens up her legs to allow me better access. "I ken ye got one of yer birthday gifts this morning but seeing ye like this makes me want to give ye another one exactly like that..."
I bite her shoulder softly and she opens her eyes, facing me with a characteristic depth of her and of that moment that we are sharing. But, as if she wakes up from a trance, she quickly turns her body to face me, wrapping her arms around my neck and smiling in the same loving way she did 17 years ago.
"You know I really enjoy receiving gifts like that, Mr. Fraser..." she gives me an Eskimo kiss, "but I like to give and get full attention when I'm with you, and we won't get that now due to the party..."
"We won't, I ken," I caress her face and smile in the same way that makes her legs like Jell-O, "but still, I couldn't miss the opportunity to touch my wife and feel her once again with my fingertips".
"Does it ever stop? The wanting you?" I nod and she smiles slightly before using the tip of her tongue to outline my lips seductively. "I promise to make it up to you after the party... Guests must arrive first and then leave, but I know it'll all work out and then I'll be entirely at your disposal, Fraser." I smile, but Mark's face pops up in my mind and the seriousness takes over me right away, making Claire's face change at that same pace. "What's going on, Jamie?"
I keep quiet because I don't want to screw everything up, but she insists on me to tell her and I end up saying what I wasn't supposed to. Again.
"I'm gonna need all sorts of rewards after this night, Claire." I sigh one last time before I put into words what I'm thinking and feeling. "Ye ken I only accept yer coworker in this house because it's yer birthday, right?" I said it seriously, our eyes focused on one another.
"Will you start talking about it again, Jamie? I thought you were over it, Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!" Claire quickly gets away from me and I turn my body to follow her movements, the guilt seizing me quickly. "You have no respect for me even on my birthday?" Why did I have to blow the whistle? Christ! "Mark is just a colleague, Jamie! How many times do I have to say it?"
"Claire, I..." I try to say something, keeping my voice softer now, but she stops me harshly.
"No Jamie, now it's my turn to talk! He is one of the most renowned plastic surgeons in the world and I will bring him here for as many meetings as necessary! Do you understand me?" Claire is very pissed off, I can see from the way she holds her hand on the doorknob as soon as she opens it. "God, I'm so tired of all of this!" She stretches out her arm towards the bedroom while she presses her eyes with her other hand, sighing deeply. "Jamie, I need to finish dressing up. Please choose your clothes now."
I stare at her for a while and I feel she needs some space and a little more time until she agrees to hear my apologies. Another one! Aye, I got a jealous rage again and I know she knows it, so I try to say I'm sorry with my eyes for everything I did before walking towards the bedroom. Obviously, I will never doubt Claire's faithfulness, and this is never my intention when I have my jealousy rages. The thing is that I can't manage to think straight or control these feelings whenever it involves Claire and a man who has a clear intention to win over my wife.