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Breathe

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Khai is dying, he must be. It’s the only explanation for the way his heart clenches and his lungs choke up. He can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t open his eyes to see Third’s face- disappointed but probably not surprised. Because he fucked up. Just like he always does. 

He’d prefer this sudden death to losing Third any day. Dying would surely hurt less.

“Third?” Bone asks from somewhere behind them. “Is he okay?”

Why does he care? Why would he ask after Khai? It makes no sense. Two and Bone have always taken Third’s side, justifiably so, Bone should be checking on Third . He himself doesn’t deserve anyone's concern. Not after what he just let happen.

How the hell could he have let this happen again? After all the pain they both went through because of him last time. After all the pain he put Third through.

God, he’s such a fuck-up, fuck fuck fuck-

“Khai?” Third’s hands are on his shoulders, he can feel his face hovering in front of his own but he doesn’t dare open his eyes. “Khai can you hear me?”

“I’m sorry.” He manages to choke the words out somehow. “Third, I'm so sorry.”

“Oh Khai.” Third sounds sad, not angry like he should be, but just sad . He’s probably just too used to Khai fucking up.

“He’s really drunk.” Third says to someone, probably Bone, over the barrage of apologies falling out of his mouth. “I’ll take him home.”

There are arms around him, pulling him up. He wants to protest, wants to pull away, but he doesn’t quite have the strength. Why are they helping him? They should be yelling and cursing him out. 

Just like the last time.

He finds himself strapped into the passenger seat of Third’s car, the seatbelt only making it harder for him to catch his breath.

He loses time, mind flashing back to the club. To the deafening music, the smell of alcohol in her breath. The weight of a body draping itself all over him. To the moment of weakness when he was too shocked to push her away. The memory of her lips against his makes him want to hurl.

He keeps looking out the window and trying to remember how to breathe. He thinks Third’s trying to talk to him but the words never seem to reach him past the haze of panic.

He loses more time and next thing he knows he’s sat on Third’s bed with said boy kneeling in front of him, that look of concern back tenfold.

“I’m sorry.” It’s all he can say. “I’m so sorry.”

“Khai?” Third says with a tired sigh “Just breathe, okay?”

“I’m sorry.” He repeats.

Third just looks at him with pity and concern in his eyes. No hatred or contempt.

“What for?” The other boy asks, as if he didn’t have to watch some random girl kiss his boyfriend less than an hour ago.

“I fucked up.”

“How? Did you kiss that girl?”

“No! I wouldn’t-“

“Did you want her to kiss you? Did you like that she did?”

“No! I hated it! You’re the only person who  I want to kiss me, I swear.”

“Then how did you fuck up?”

“I let it happen.” He says slowly, trying to understand where the fuck Third is going with this. “Just like last time.”

“Is that what this is about?” Third sighs. “The only mistake you made with the whole ChingChing incident was not defending yourself.”

“But-“ Third shushes him with a finger to his lips.

“No buts! It was an accident, Khai. She didn’t even mean to kiss you anyway.”

“I’m sorry what?” Now he’s confused.

“Well-“ Third starts, a small smile creeping onto his soft features. “-she was trying to kiss Bone. But she was drunk and it was pretty dark and she kinda kinda-“

“-missed her mark?” Khai finishes, incredulous.

Third laughs at that and the remaining panic melts away. Third isn’t leaving him . The next breath comes easier.

“You know she tried to apologise but you ran off in a panic.” The shorter boy adds after a moment of silence.

“Oh. I guess I overreacted.” He finally admits.

“Yeah, you really did.” The tone is teasing but Khai can see the concern still lingering in his gaze.

“I was just scared I’d lose you.”

“You won’t. I love you and I trust you, I’m not going anywhere.”  

“Good. Because I don’t ever want to let you go.”

Third pulls him in for a kiss, slow and soft and sweet. It feels like a promise. Like he’s saying ‘I’m right here, I’ve got you’ over and over again. Khai can feel himself melting under the tender touches.

Third pushes him so he’s lying down on the bed. He lets himself be pulled around by the shorter man until he is finally satisfied with their position. They lay there on the small bed, facing each other. Their legs tangle together and Third’s arms curl around him to pull him close.

He nuzzles his head under his perfect boyfriend's chin. The feeling of fingers running gently through his hair lulling him to sleep. 

“I love you.” Third whispers into the night. “I trust you. Don’t ever doubt that.” 

The last thing he feels before he drifts off are Third’s lips against his hair. 

He can finally breathe.