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A Healing Touch

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Type

 

“Type! Type! Did you know?” Techno came rushing into the locker room, bent over at the waist, huffing in breaths as I glanced over my shoulder towards him. He hadn’t even changed out of his soccer uniform yet so whatever gossip he’d heard must have been out on the field, making him rush in here to tell me.

 

“Why are you being so noisy?” I shut the locker before I turned to look at him, swinging my bag onto my shoulder. He was still bent at the waist, dragging air in at a rapid pace so I cocked my head to the side, watching him. “Have I heard what? If you don’t tell me I guess it’ll remain a mystery.”

 

It was no secret that he couldn’t keep a secret, it was like there was no filter between his brain and mouth, everything just came spilling out. He meant no harm by it though. It wasn’t like he went around listening to everything that he could and then running off to tell everyone that he could possibly tell. It was just that… he couldn’t help himself. There was no ill will behind his actions, just a lack of self control.

 

Techno waved a hand and looked up at me. “Your roommate is gay.”

 

The words felt like cold water being thrown in my face, my grip on the strap of my bag tightening until my knuckles turned white. It wasn’t that I had a problem with the LGBTQ+ community. I didn’t, I was fine with them. I never really had any interaction with them and it was the way I preferred it. I left them alone and they left me alone, I stayed out of their way and they stayed out of my way. A simple solution for something that I didn’t really view as a problem but had no other way to word it as.

 

Situation? Was that a better way to word it or view it? Whatever.

 

To know that I had been living with a gay man, sleeping just feet away from him for months now was a shock to my system. I hadn’t known, hadn’t even suspected anything. I had been fond of him as well, viewed him as a friend of sorts. Not as good a friend as Techno but I had known Techno longer but three months later I had viewed Tharn as a friend.

 

“How’d you find that out?” I asked in a soft voice. All Techno did was wave a hand towards the field, meaning that he must have heard it from someone out there. Gossip always spread out there between the players. I never really paid much attention to it because you never knew the other side of the story, and it was too difficult to get to the bottom of it most of the time. Took too much effort to try and figure everything out.

 

I could get to the bottom of this piece of gossip though.

 

“Hey! Type! Where are you going?!” Techno called after me as I walked past him. I didn’t know where he had heard that Tharn was gay from or where that person had heard it from but I could ask the subject of the gossip myself. There was no reason I couldn’t. I was his roommate, it would be letting him know about the gossip going around campus while clarifying everything at the same time.

 

It would be fine, I would be fine.

 

When I finally returned to the room, I bounced my leg in a rhythm as I waited for Tharn to return to the room. It wasn’t a nervous energy. I wasn’t nervous. Just restless. The asshole was taking too long to get back and I was tired from walking a path around the room. I’d forced myself to sit down when I’d started to worry about wearing a path into the floor and how suspicious it would look to him when he got back. The handle turned and the door opened, Tharn stepping through the doorway before shutting it behind him.

 

About damn time. He typically got back before I did.

 

“Hey Type.” Tharn glanced at me as he walked past, dropped his things on his bed. His eyes travelled over my face and I lent away from him instinctively. His brows shot upwards when I did and it was a fair reaction. It wasn’t like he’d never looked at me before. “You okay? You look tense about something. Bad day at classes?”

 

“Are you gay, Tharn?” The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. I’d had a plan on how to ask him, how to bring the topic up. Just throwing it in his face without warning hadn’t exactly been the plan. That was my impulsive behavior coming into play but here I was.

 

Good job, Type. Way to go.

 

To my surprise, Tharn’s expression didn’t change to one of surprise or anger. It didn’t shift at all. He just looked like I’d asked him if it were raining outside or not. Just another question to be asked in another conversation, not one that was weird or strange to bring up out of the blue with no prompting.

 

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Not like I’ve been hiding it from anyone or anything. I just also don’t go around broadcasting it. Not really anyone else’s business, though. I don’t care if people know either.”

 

It was a reasonable stance to take. There were plenty of supportive people on campus and people who just didn’t care either way. Of course, there were people who would make an issue out of it but Tharn was large enough that, if they were smart, they would leave him alone. And it wasn’t anyone else’s business unless he wanted to tell them. Whoever had gone off sharing the information had pulled an asshole move, honestly.

 

“Oh. Well, I won’t tell anyone so don’t worry.” I said and slowly inched my way down the bed away from him. He’d turned his back to me so maybe he wouldn’t notice the movement. I was moving at the pace of a sloth practically so I wouldn’t draw attention to myself.

 

“I appreciate that. We going to have problems at all?” He asked and I gave a small sound to tell him we wouldn’t while shaking my head. Not like he could see that but whatever, the sound would get my point across. “Then why do you keep moving away from me like I’m going to attack you or something, Type? It’s like you don’t want to be around me.”

 

I froze in place, heat creeping into my face. Did the man have eyes in the back of his head or something? How had he known that I was moving at all? And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be around him… I just didn’t want to be this close to him. In the same room was perfectly fine but being this physically close to him… I wanted to put more distance between us.

 

The fact that I could reach out and touch his back made me… nervous.

 

Standing up, I forced a laugh that sounded fake even to make and winced a little. It was stupid, I should just be honest with Tharn but the walls that I had built to protect myself held strong, preventing me from trying. Even a small explanation wouldn’t do, there was nothing that I could think of to say that wouldn’t terrify me.

 

“Just surprised is all. Give me a few days and I’ll be all go-“ I yelped as I fell backwards, my foot catching on the foot of the bed. That’s what I got for walking backwards and not watching where I was going. Tharn had quick reflexes, turning and reaching out to stop my fall, would have stopped me from hitting the ground if I hadn’t slapped his hands away from me in a panic. My ass hit the floor and I deserved the pain that slammed into me, deserved however long that pain would follow me around for.

 

“Don’t touch me!” I snapped and looked up at him, my glare faltering at the look of hurt that flashed across his face. Even through the cloud of panic that had rushed in at me, I knew that Tharn didn’t deserve that. I’d lived with him for three months and he’d never once touched me or said anything inappropriate to me, hadn’t even looked at me in the wrong way.

 

If Techno had never told me that Tharn was gay, I never would have known, never would have had a reaction like this to him. If I tripped like this before I would have let him grab me, would have grabbed onto his arms as quick as I could to stop myself and laughed about it. I wouldn’t have smacked his offer to help away.

 

It was my fear and panic that snapped into play before my logic could.

 

“Tharn… I’m sorry. That isn’t… I shouldn’t…” What was I supposed to say to him? An apology didn’t erase what I’d done or the hurt that I’d caused him. It didn’t take the words back and magically make everything disappear as if it hadn’t happened. There was a reason I’d done what I had but it wasn’t like I could tell that to him. I’d never told anyone beyond those who already knew about it. It was a festering wound that had never gotten the chance to properly heal and I was so used to taking care of it like this now that I didn’t know anything different.

 

“Its fine. I’ll try and keep myself out of the room as much as I can from now on to make things easier for you. Just let me know when you think you’ve adjusted enough to have me around again. Just leave me a note or something.” He said and began to gather up his clothes to go to the bathroom.

 

Before I could say anything else, he disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door between us. I fisted my hands in my hair and pulled until it hurt, resisting the urge to scream in frustration. It was my fault, I knew that. I needed to figure out how to fix what I had done, how to maybe explain things to him without dragging up the memories that I tried to keep at bay.

 

-----

 

Tharn had been avoiding me for nearly a full week and it was beginning to piss me off. It was like he knew my schedule and intentionally went out of his way to make sure that he didn’t come into contact with me. He would be in bed by the time I got back to the room and gone by the time I got up. He changed the paths he took to his classes, so I had to give up on catching him that way.

 

When I actually managed to catch the man to talk to him, the first thing I very well may do was going to be to hit him.

 

I knew he’d told me to leave him a note but damn it, my pride wouldn’t let me do that. I wasn’t going to leave him some stupid note and then wait in suspense for him to either write back or show up randomly. He could stop avoiding me and talk to me, even if I had to knock him over the head and tie him to a chair to do it.

 

Which, at this point, I’d actually do.

 

The door to the dorm room slammed shut behind me and I threw a glare at it over my shoulder. Everything was making my mood sour recently and it was starting to annoy my friends as well, especially since I couldn’t explain to them why my mood was the way it was. All they knew was that I was in a shitty mood.

 

In my irritation, I didn’t hear the shower running until I had the door open and I had one foot inside. The sound of running water drew my attention away from my thoughts and to the scene in front of me. A scene that had heat coming up the back of my neck, into my cheeks, and the tip of my ears.

 

Tharn stood beneath the spray of water, his front facing me with his head tipped back to rinse the shampoo from his hair. Water rushed down his skin and I followed the path it took with my gaze, following it to his cock. Even as he was now, unaroused and disinterested in anything, he was large and I found it hard to pull my gaze away from him. My heart thumped loudly enough in my chest that I was sure he was going to hear it.

 

So I grabbed the handle and slammed the door shut as hard as I could, earning a surprised from Tharn. Now to figure out how I was going to explain why I had slammed the door. I held the handle in a vise grip, unable to bring myself to let it go. It felt like I was glued to the spot.

 

I had just seen Tharn, my gay roommate, naked and hadn’t minded it one bit. Had been impressed by was I had seen. Had liked it. What the hell?

 

“Type? What the hell? That scared the shit out of me!” Yeah, join the club on that one. Tharn tried opening the door and I held tighter to it, pulling it shut again. When he tugged again to try and open it, I pulled back, bracing a foot against the wall and lent back. “Type! Open the damn door!”

 

Hell no. Not until I had a chance to slow my racing heart and center myself. My roommate could just stay right where he was, there in the bathroom. It wasn’t going to kill him. He jerked on the door and got it open a few inched before I tugged it back shut again. Why was the man so strong? What did his parents feed him?

 

“Are you trying to keep me in here? What are you doing?” He asked and banged on the door. I’m sure our neighbors were thrilled with us at the moment given it was late in the evening, but I didn’t care. They could deal with it and yell at me later if they wanted.

 

“It’s the only way I can get your annoying ass to stay in one place long enough so I can talk to you!” I snapped. “I’m not leaving you some stupid note like a schoolgirl when we live together. You can stay in the bathroom and listen to what I have to stay because you’re being annoying and pissing me off!”

 

Tharn stopped pulling at the door and was silent for a few minutes before he knocked on the door lightly. “Fine. Go ahead and say what you want to say. I’ll listen but I don’t promise to accept what you say. I’ll listen though.”

 

That was better than what I thought he would say. I thought he would have told me to get lost, that he wasn’t interested in listening to what I had to say to him. When I had finally cornered him, I had been braced and prepared for a fight to get him to listen. At least he was willing to listen. Just… what exactly was I going to say? I had him trapped to where he had to listen, but I had no idea of what to say to him. Over the days I had thought about it but had come up with nothing.

 

“Okay. What I did was an asshole thing to do. I shouldn’t have done it. I get that, I acknowledge it. I don’t have an excuse for it because there isn’t an excuse. There’s a reason for my reaction but it isn’t something that I want to talk about right now.” I kept a firm hold on the door, foot braced against the wall. “I honestly don’t have a problem with you or you being gay and I’m not demanding that you accept my apology or anything. Just… Can you try to not touch me without warning?”

 

I spoke without thinking, going with what came to mind, not thinking about what I said before I said it. Not the best idea most of the time but in this moment, it felt like the best thing to do. I couldn’t think about what I was going to say, couldn’t overthink it all or second guess myself.

 

Tharn was quiet on the other side of the door long enough that I thought he wasn’t going to answer. All I wanted was some sign that he had actually listened to me, had actually heard me. It was up to him whether or not he accepted what I had said. I couldn’t force him.

 

“Will you talk to me if you’re ever in need of someone to listen?” For a moment I wasn’t sure what he was talking about and then I understood. Would I talk to him about why I had reacted the way I had if I ever needed to? There wouldn’t come a time where I needed to. I kept it tucked away where it only hurt me in small amounts rather than in crushing waves.

 

I nodded at the door slowly, even if it was a lie. “I don’t know if that’ll happen but if I need a friend to talk about it, I’ll come and talk to you. Will you stop avoiding me now please?”

 

“We’re friends?” I scowled at the door and nearly kicked it as I lowered my foot from the wall. This man was seriously getting on my nerves, the very last one that I possessed.

 

“I never said that we weren’t You were the one avoiding me like a five-year-old. You even changed the way you went to class so I couldn’t talk to you.” I snapped. When he tried to pull the door open I held it shut again, staring at the door with wide eyes. We may have been talking but that didn’t mean what I had seen earlier had magically left my mind.

 

There was no way he was leaving that room without clothes.

 

“Did you get dressed in there?” I asked. I could only imagine how confused he was by that question. I wasn’t letting go of the handle until he answer though.

 

A small sound of confusion came from the other side of the door, I’d permit him that. It wasn’t a question that was thrown at him every day. “Yes? I brought sweatpants in here to change into after I was done. Am I allowed to come out now or do I have to sleep in here tonight?”

 

Keep those types of comments up and I’ll hold the door like this all night, asshole. I thought and made a face at the door before releasing it and hurrying across the room to my bed. I dove under the covers as he came out of the bathroom, peaking over the top of the blanket at him.

 

Tharn looked at me with eyes that I’d never once paid attention to before but now I realized were striking and beautiful. It was no wonder the girls all over campus swooned at the sight of him. And, obviously, some of the boys did too. Did boys do that? Did they swoon or did we have a different word?

 

They. Did they have a different word? Not we. They. Them. Not me.

 

“Must be shy after saying all that?” He asked and I slid my hand out far enough to flip him off without saying anything. He grinned and had my stomach typing itself in knots. “I won’t mention it again. I’ll try and make sure I don’t touch you without warning. How do you want me to wake you up in the mornings now?”

 

If my body kept reacting the way it was, he was going to be free to smother me in my sleep and find himself a new roommate because I had no idea what it thought it was doing but it most certainly was not running by my program here.

 

“Shake the bed or something. You’re stroke, you could just flip it over if you wanted.” I muttered at him and was a little more pleased than I should have been at the sound of his laugh and the knowledge that I had been the cause of it.

 

-----

 

2AM

The number glared back at me through the darkness as I shifted on the bed for the, what felt like, hundredth time in the last fifteen minutes. I’d been sleeping peacefully when the slamming door somewhere on the floor had jolted me away and now, I couldn’t drift back to sleep. Not when the dream I’d been having was stuck in my head.

 

It had been of Tharn in the shower, his body slick with water as it had been when I had seen him. His hands weren’t running through his hair though. One had been fisted around his cock that had stood hard and proud now, stroking a slow path against it while the other had gestured me forward to join him.

 

And I had, willingly. Dream me had shown no hesitation or fear in joining Tharn. Only eagerness and a strange sense of trust that part of me wasn’t willing to look at just yet. There had been no fear when his hand had released himself and moved to my body to explore and drift down, drift lower. The door had woken me before anymore of the dream me was touched but I was sure there would have been no fear then either.

 

Even now there was no fear. I hadn’t woken afraid or trembling like I did when nightmares chased me. I woke with a raging hard on that wasn’t going away no matter how much I tried to ignore it or hard shifted about and I had been trying my best. It was becoming uncomfortable at this point, making a clear statement.

 

Deal with me or suffer.

 

I slid out of bed and moved quietly to the bathroom, locked the door behind me. I didn’t need any surprise visitors for what I was about to do. Least of all the cause of this situation, thanks to that stupid dream that had invaded my mind. Not that I would be thinking about him at all. The object of my fantasies would not be a muscular drummer that was currently asleep in the other room.

 

As I shoved my boxers down, I closed my eyes and thought about the latest video that had been shared in a group chat. I thought of the slim waisted girl riding the man as I stroked myself steadily, thought of her soft moans, and the way her breasts swayed while she moved on top of him but got no where with that memory. Fine, just not in the mood for that memory. I let my mind wander, letting it slip into my imagination.

 

The hand around my cock was that of a woman, her hand soft as she stroked me. I let my mind dive deeper when I got nowhere with that, my frustration growing. There was no specific woman that I thought of when I pictured a mouth wrapping around my cock but I did it anyway, still getting no where even as my mind went that direction.

 

It wasn’t until the fantasy of the fingers wrapped around my cock turned to the slip ones of my roommate, the mouth enveloping my cock shifting to the one of my roommate did I get anywhere. He wasn’t here but I could imagine his voice in my head as my body pitched itself higher towards pleasure. I could imagine how he would say those words to me.

 

Its alright, Type. I’ll help you. I know you need it. I’ve got you. You can come for me. I’ll take care of you. Come for me, Ty-

 

“Type?”

 

Tharn’s voice cut through my fantasy, the sound of my name on his voice making my orgasm slam into me. I bit down hard on my lower lip as I came to keep myself quiet, to stop the moan that had built up in my throat. Come covered my hand and my breath left me in shaking pants. I’d never had an orgasm that intense before and I didn’t know if it was because of the fantasy, by being startled, or a combination of both.

 

“Type?” A knock on the door. “Are you alright?”

 

I’d just fantasized about my gay roommate, gotten off to said fantasy, and had the best orgasm of my life as a result. I was just peachy. Totally fine, thanks for asking. Pain in the ass. This was all his fault.

 

“Fine. Stomach is just upset. I’ll be out in a second. Go back to bed.” I said, cleaning myself up.

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah. I don’t need you to tuck me in. I’m a big boy.” I muttered. I didn’t want to have to look at him when I left the bathroom. There were many things that were going to be running through my head now and looking at him was only going to make it worse.

 

What the hell was going on with me?