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Kaminari really isn’t as dumb as others think he is, so out of his entire class, he’s the first to notice the bracelet on Kirishima’s arm.

Strange, he wonders, where did he get it from?

It really does look cool, it’s gold with interloping chains but Kaminari can’t seem to remember Kirishima ever wearing that accessory, and he knows because his bro barely wears any.

“Bro!” Kaminari walks over to Kirishima, who is sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. “Where did you get that sick bracelet from?”

Kirishima’s head snaps up from his phone when he hears the question and his face turns as red as his hair.

“What, this? I… I got it from my significant other.”

Kaminari’s eyes widen and his brain practically short-circuits. Kirishima? His bro? Dating? That’s pretty much possibly, he’s a really great dude, but he wouldn’t be the type to hide this type of stuff.

“Congrats on scoring a date, shark boy. But who is it? Lava girl?” Kaminari snickers at his own joke.

The other man smiles softly and rubs the bracelet lovingly, like it’s an actual treasure and not some cheap plastic bracelet.

“You could say that.”

Oh boy, he’s whipped. But who is it?

~

It’s quite late when Jirou gets a text from Kaminari in a new group chat he had apparently just made. Which isn’t the first either.

She sighs as she opens the group chat.

Jamming-whey created a new group chat.
Jamming-whey named the group chat ‘Who dis”
Jamming-whey added Exotic Pink Fruit
Jamming-whey added Scotch Tape
Jamming-whey added The F Bomb
Jamming-whey: guys
Jamming-whey: guyssss
Jamming-whey: guess what
Jamming-whey: hehe
Jamming-whey: more like guess who
Jamming-whey: MY BRO RED GOT HIMSELF A DATE
Jamming-whey: he didnt tell me who though
Jamming-whey: tsk tsk lets meet at seven tonight to discuss who his mystery woman is, my room
Jamming-whey: or mystery man
Jamming-whey: or anyone in between
Scotch Tape: New phone, who dis?
Jamming-whey: brooo
Scotch Tape: Brooo
Scotch Tape: But for reals , Kirishima got a date?
Scotch Tape: First in our class then
Scotch Tape: So proud of him he beat blasty
Exotic Pink Fruit: HNGHHH
Exotic Pink Fruit: UH WHAT
Exotic Pink Fruit: MY HORN BUDDY BRO GOOD JOB
Exotic Pink Fruit: WAIT hes not here this is a new group chat
Scotch Tape: Good for him, good for him.
Exotic Pink Fruit: YEAH let’s find this love of his life
Exotic Pink Fruit: lmao
Exotic Pink Fruit: YEah they better treat him right
Jamming-whey: *flashbacks to dear future husband*
Earphone Jack: What’s this?
Earphone Jack: A new group chat are you kidding
Jamming-whey: OWO WHATS THIS??
Jamming-whey: But yeaah we gotta find this love of his
Jamming-whey: Cinderella 2.0
The F Bomb: What the fuck is this?
Exotic Pink Fruit: Balstry, our favourite gremlin!!!
Exotic Pink Fruit: Blasty*
Scotch Tape: Balstry
Jamming-whey: Balstry
Exotic Pink Fruit: DANG IT I BROKE OUR NO TYPO STREAK sorrysss
The F Bomb: Don’t fucking do it again.
The F Bomb: It’s almost seven by the way, you idiots better make this quick.
Scotch Tape: Ohhh eager are we?
Jamming-whey: Yuh yuh Balstry
Exotic Pink Fruit: See yall in ten!!!!

Jirou spends the next couple of minutes listening to music. She really couldn’t care less about this, they could just ask Kirishima and the whole fiasco would be over. Besides, he can tell them whenever he wants to.

It’s 7.58p.m. when Jirou makes her way to Kaminari’s room. Everyone is there, except Ashido who slams through the door one minute late.

“Sorry!” The pink haired girl exclaims, “I got too engrossed in this magazine, but let’s start now!”

Kaminari starts by pulling out some pen and paper, and the Bakusquad (minus Kirishima of course) huddles in a circle around it.

“We need to make a list of what we know about this mystery lover, then narrow it down to who it could be and when we get the answer, confront my bro about it.”

“Just ask him, dunce face.” Bakugou grunts. His face scrunches up in some sort of odd way that only Bakugou himself could ever do.

Kaminari shakes his head and taps Bakugou’s head with the pencil in his hand, which makes the latter growl, “Now, that wouldn’t be fun, would it? Besides, Kirishima specifically told me that he was not going to tell me anyway.”

Sero speaks up, “So what do we know about this person?”

“That’s the thing. We need to get more information from Kirishima. All I know is that they got a bracelet for him. It’s gold. And Kirishima looks lovestruck when thinking about them.” Kaminari says this while writing it down on the piece of paper.

Jirou hears Bakugou choke and gag beside her.

“We have to be super stealthy about this!” cries Ashido. “We’ll be like Mission: Impossible!”

Sero and Kaminari simultaneously start humming the theme when they hear her say it. The three of them dissolve into a fit of giggles, until Jirou clears her throat, signalling for their attention.

“Who’s going to look for clues first then?”

The five of them draw lots, and Jirou goes first, followed by Ashido, then Kaminari, Sero, and lastly Bakugou.

Ashido chuckles, “Blasty, you aren’t even upset that you got last place?”

Bakugou looks at her pointedly, “I couldn’t give a shit.”

~

Jirou doesn’t do it Mission: Impossible style, much to the disappointment of the trio. She has homework to finish anyway.

“Kirishima, who is the person you’re dating?” She asks in the common room one day, after catching him there.

Unfortunately, it’s breakfast time and practically everyone in Class 2A is there.

Suddenly everyone is asking Kirishima questions, like “Woah, you’re dating someone?”, “Who is it?”, and a rather inappropriate question from Mineta.

Tsu slaps him with her tongue.

“Guys, guys.” Kirishima waves his hands in front of his face. “I can’t tell you, I thought it was funny to have Kaminari guess and they agree, so-”

Uraraka jumps up with determination, “We’re going to figure out who they are, no doubt about it!”

Midoriya’s eyes shine with tears, “I’m so happy for you, Kirishima, you’re the first couple in our class! If they also are in our class.”

Kirishima ponders something over for a while, “They are though.”

Shouts can be heard and everyone scrambles around, asking for who the mystery person is.

“Fuckers!” Bakugou shouts over the din. “They’re not going to reveal who they are anyway, so shut up and let me eat in peace.”

Jirou can’t help but ask Kirishima another question, “Hey, what’s the last thing you two did together?”

The redhead scratches the back of his neck, “Well, we ate together?”

That’s so vague, but it does narrow things down quite a lot.

~

Ashido glances at her phone, waiting for Kirishima to show up to her room. She had asked him if he wanted to help paint her nails, and he agreed.

So here she was, on her leopard-print bedsheets, scrolling through her phone.

Or more specifically, one group chat on her phone.

Pikachu: updated list of clues of the mystery lover of one Kirshima:
In our class
Got bracelet for Kirishima
Very much in love ho ho ho
Eat together
Spiderman: Alien queen please get us better clues
Emo: What’s wrong with mine...
Emo: it’s good to know they eat together
Pikachu: uh huh so we need to stalk Kiribro???
Spiderman: I mean...
Alien Queen: LOL don’t worry guys ill get all the gossip ;)))
Pikachu: mama mina
Spiderman: She about to get the good kush
Gremlin: There’s homework, what the fuck are you all doing?

Ashido hurriedly opens another app when she hears the door open.

“Hey!” Kirishima closes the door behind him and joins her on the bed.

They do some elaborate sets of high-fives.

“What’s up, horn buddy!” Ashido grins. “I’m thinking green today. You agree?”

Kirishima shrugs, “I don’t know, I guess the customer is always right.”

Ashido plays some tunes from her playlist, which mainly consists of the latest pop songs and some others she still loves. Kirishima is barely done with painting her second nail for her when she breaks the silence.

“So, about this lover of yours?”

Kirishima jerks his hand suddenly and the nail polish gets on her finger.

“Sorry, sorry!” Kirishima huffs as he wipes the nail polish off. “I don’t understand why you ask for me anyway, I’m so bad at this.”

Ashido objects to that statement and tells him so.

“Also, who else in class would stay with me to paint my nails? It’s good for chit-chat too, which brings us back to the topic of this particular person of yours?”

The brush is back on her nail, gliding smoothly. Kirishima’s face has a splotch of her green nail polish.

“Well, what do you want to know?”

“How did you two start dating?”

Kirishima blushes and his work gets more sloppy. Ah, young love, Ashido smiles, he’s so deep in thought.

Her friend really does look like what Kaminari had said, lovestruck. His face unconsciously twitches into a smile, and he looks faraway, dreaming in some fantasy land of his where he’s together with his beloved.

Ashido’s looking for answers though. She snaps the fingers on her free hand, effectively snapping Kirishima out of his daze.

He grins, putting his arm behind his neck, a habit Ashido notices he does whenever he’s embarrassed.

“I asked them out, no regrets right? We were in my room and they were really sleepy and relaxed and so cute, I just blurted it out accidentally.”

Ashido snorts, “That’s actually so sweet, accidental confessions of love. How did they react?”

“They covered their face with my pillow and eventually whispered ‘I like you too’ back to me. Then we cuddled and they wore my clothes and all that. My clothes were so baggy on them, they just looked so adorable and they’re so warm it was like sleeping with some humanised furnace that was soft.”

Ashido smirks, “Big spoon? Little spoon?”

“I was totally the big spoon.”

That’s enough to satisfy Ashido, they talk about other things as they wait for her nails to dry.

When he leaves, she instantly texts the others.

Alien Queen: MAMA MINA IS HERE
Alien Queen: Just you all wait i got the oggod food
Alien Queen: good
Pikachu: doggo
Gremlin Child: Well, fuck, I was just about to sleep.
Spiderman: ok boomer
Pikachu: ok boomer
Emo: ok boomer
Alien Queen: ok boomer
Pikachu: wheres the food though thought you said you got some
Alien Queen: chill my dude
Gremlin Child: Hurry the fuck up, I need to go to sleep.
Pikachu: yet you still stick around
Pikachu: Hmmm
Emo: Hmmm
Spiderman: Hmmm
Gremlin Child: Fuck you all.
Alien Queen: updated list of clues of the mystery lover of one Kirshima:
In our class
Got bracelet for Kirishima
Very much in love ho ho ho
Eat together
Accidental confession from Kiri
They said it back very cutely and shyly
“They were cute”, he said. “They were adorable”, he said.
Cuddled, lover was warm “like a furnace”
They are small spoon (smol)
They are smaller than him, “clothes were baggy on them”
Pikachu: DAMN
Spiderman: Holy cheetos
Spiderman: She actually got the good kush
Alien Queen: Pikachu, I choose YOU!!!!
Pikachu: !!!?
Emo: She means you’re next
Pikachu: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~

The Bakusquad is sharing a table at lunch in the cafeteria when Kaminari decides it’s a good time to bring up Kirishima’s top secret love life.

“Kiribro?” Kaminari asks while chewing on some rice. “I just realised you’ve never told us their gender.”

“Oh yeah.” Sero joins in, casually sipping his soda. “Pray, madame, do tell.”

Kirishima’s eyes are trained to his food, “Um, it’s a guy. I’m gay.”

Ashido wolf-whistles, “We’re so proud of you, Kiribuddy! Don’t worry, Mama Mina’s still here for you.”

Sero offers him a pat on the back and a “good job”.

“Kirishima, that was really brave of you, thanks for telling us.” A raised ear jack is waved as Jirou smiles at him.

Bakugou rolls his eyes, “Fucking hell, that doesn’t change anything you saps. He’s still an idiot who needs me to teach him math.”

Something purple appears in the corner of Kaminari’s eye, and he doesn’t even have time to register what it is when his ears register Mineta’s obnoxious voice.

“His partner is a boy, not a girl? How does it even work? It must be so unappealing for you two, not having-”

Bakugou, the madlad, knocks him out with one fist, the other hand still shovelling rice and curry into his open mouth.

“Thanks, Bakubro! You’re my hero, how could I ever live without you?”

“Shut up.”

Kaminari’s fingers tap on the table, “Is this a good time to come out as bi?”

“Oh, Kami...” Ashido ruffles his hair, “There’s never not a good time.”

The Bakusquad have an impromptu group hug, courtesy of Kirishima, who also managed to pull Bakugou in.

“Thanks, my dudes,” Kaminari wipes away a tear that appeared while they were hugging. “ but Kirishima, are you okay after what Mineta said?”

“I’m pretty cool with it, nothing he says can affect me.”

Jirou flicks one of the red spikes of hair on his head, “That’s pretty manly of you. And Kaminari, of course.”

The electric blonde sticks out a tongue at her, which she follows up with a middle finger.

~

Sero’s not too happy with this, but it’s a duty that he was trusted with, and he’ll carry it out.

Said duty? Interrogating Kirishima about his secret lover.

Epic music plays in his mind as he walks up to his friend.

This is fine, Sero sweats, this is so chill.

“Kirishima.” He grins his signature smile, all teeth. “I order you to tell me more about this man you engage with.”

Dang it.

Sero is considered the calm and rational one in their group, but really he’s just as chaotic as the rest of them.

Kirishima rubs his hand behind his neck, “I don’t know what to tell you...”

A smell catches Sero’s attention. It’s sweet, like sugar, but more muted in a way so that it isn’t overly tooth-rotting.

“What’s that smell?” asks Sero, because it really is a nice smell and he wants to know what it is so he can buy a scented candle of it. “It smells like sugar.”

“Caramel, actually.” corrects Kirishima, and Sero quirks an eyebrow at him.

“Your boyfriend smells like caramel? Is that his quirk or something? But there isn’t a quirk like that in our class...”

“Um, sure?”

“Thanks, man.” Sero pats his back twice. “I’ll take note of that. But why do you smell like him?”

Kirishima has a wistful smile on now, “We cuddled, that’s all. I didn’t have time to shower so I still smell like him. But it’s a nice smell, comforting.”

Sero nods.

He approves of their relationship, whoever this mystery man was.

~

I consume tape: I got the evidence
I consume tape: Now we need to draw up a list of suspects
Soft babey: Fuck you, you’re taking this so seriously.
Lightning McChicken: BRO good job good job
Lightning McChicken: meet in my room in twentyyy??
Bubblegun: YEAH LETS GOOOO
Bubblegun: HOO HA HOO HA
Hello darkness: thirty maybe?
I consume tape: I’m okay with that
Lightning McChicken: Done and doen
I consume tape: doen
Bubblegun: doen
Lightning McChicken: this house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE
Bubblegun: Sweetie, only one man can curse in this house
I consume tape: Language

“So, let’s look at the list one more time, and decide on who it could possibly be. Bakugou will then confront Kirishima about it. Good?” Sero looks around at the four, minus Bakugou.

“Yeah!” Kaminari nods his head excitedly. “Let’s find his Dream Daddy.”

“Okay, so the main points are that he is in our class, the both of them are very in love, he is shy, cute, adorable, small, and most importantly, they smell like caramel.”

Ashido shouts, “Mineta, Tokoyami, Shoji, Todoroki, and Bakugou are automatically eliminated!”

Jirou looks at her curiously, “Why would you say that?”

“They’re neither cute nor adorable.”

Sero thinks for a while. Cute, shy, adorable, small... All the evidence pointed to one person.

“Midoriya.” says Sero. “It’s Midoriya.”

The room is silent, except for the air conditioner whirring in the background.

Jirou shrugs her shoulders and gets up, “Sure, but Bakugou is not going to be happy about that.”

~

Bakugou is tired of their guessing game.

He feels this odd warmth spreading in his chest whenever any one of the idiots bring up what Kirishima says about him.

Speaking of Kirishima, the both of them are currently sharing a bed, it’s morning, and the way the sun filters through the gaps of Kirishima’s blinds hit him just right. His eyes have specks of gold in them, an infinite sea of red. Bakugou wants to drown in it.

Their legs are tangled together and so are the blankets. Bakugou doesn’t ever want to leave.

“Dude...” Kirishima whispers. “Think they’ll ever figure out it’s you?”

“They will.” Bakugou whispers back. It’s absurd, whispering like they’re telling each other secrets and as if there are people there to hear them.
“Eventually, anyway.”

Kirishima threads his fingers through Bakugou’s hair, and an embarrassing whimper is forced out of him. He growls at Kirishima who just laughs, the fucker.

“You’re so touch-starved...” He says, fingers still carding through Bakugou’s hair.

“No, I’m not-”

Bakugou’s phone rings from the bedside table, and he picks it up. It’s Kaminari.

“Bro, get down here now, we figured it out. We know who he is.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with me?”

“You have to ask him about it? Just come to the common room, it’s Saturday and Kirishima will be down here in awhile.”

There’s a lot of background noise on Kaminari’s end, and it sounds like almost everyone is present.

“Shit, fine. Give me fifteen minutes, then I’m coming to rip your head off.”

“Looking forward to it!”

Bakugou hangs up and fumes.

“Wow, one week, that was rather quick.” Kirishima’s eyebrows are raised.

“You mean slow as shit, one week is a fucking long time to figure it out.”

Kirishima plants a kiss on his forehead and ushers him out, “I got to get ready for the big reveal too, you know? I’ll see you later.”

Bakugou sighs as he enters his room, just a few steps away from Kirishima’s and divided by a wall.

One week, Bakugou glares at his toothbrush.

~

“Deku?” Bakugou roars. “Are you bullshitting me right now? Are you all fucking out of your minds?”

Ashido steps up to defend Kaminari, “Look, we decided it was the best fit, okay? Not my fault your best friend is dating and very much in love with your arch-enemy.”

“Kirishima’s coming!” Jirou shouts. “Everyone act normal!”

Everyone sits down quickly, except the five.

Kirishima walks in and notices the five of them standing awkwardly in the middle of the common room, “You didn’t have to wait for me like that. Why aren’t you guys sitting down?”

Ashido pushes Bakugou forward, and full on grins, “Blasty here has the answer to you secret man!”

“No, the fuck I don’t!” Bakugou grunts, “They came up with it, not me.”

Sero cheers him on, “Just do it! Say it, say it, say it.”

Bakugou is well aware the rest of the class also doesn’t know who their guess is and are tuning in to his predicament like some sort of sick twisted reality TV show.

“Their guess...” Bakugou seethes, “is Deku.”

Class 2A is quiet. Bakugou is so done with these pieces of shits. He’s so mad. Do they think it’s actually true?

Then the entire Dekusquad bursts out laughing, howling, and cackling.

“Midoriya?” Uraraka laughs like a hyena. “You guys must be kidding...”

Even Kirishima is amused.

“Good try, but wrong answer! You can always try again, though.”

Kaminari points a finger at Bakugou, who grits his teeth. “Since you’re so smart, Kacchan, why don’t you answer this yourself? Who is Kirishima’s man, the sweet, shy and incredibly warm cuddler?”

Bakugou is absolutely going to kill him.

“Kirishima, how long have you been with your boyfriend?”

“About a year now?” Kirishima answers, though confused. The whole class watches, eager for some sort of big reveal, complete with fireworks and all.

“What did you two do for your first date?”

The redhead in front of him says smoothly, “We went hiking.”

“And now, describe him.”

“He’s really passionate, and so adorable. He makes me want to be a better person, and I hope I inspire him to, likewise! People think he’s abrasive and rude, but really once they really know him, he’s amazing. He is and will continue to be my favourite person, and we’ll wake up everyday together, we’ll spend the rest of our lives together, and-”

Kirishima’s ramble is cut short by Bakugou’s lips on his, and the whole class erupts into cheers.

~

Group chat: Bakusquad
Dunce face: OML
Dunce face: OML
Dunce face: I CAN’T
Elbows: Can’t believe we picked MIDORIYA
Raccoon eyes: KIRI AND BAKU
Raccoon eyes: WE’VE BEEN BLIND
Dunce face: I’m crying right nowwww
Elbows: aw
Ears: I love you guys, but it was pretty obvious after a while??
Dunce face: *dramatic gasp*
Dunce face: Betrayalll
Shitty hair: you guys
Shitty hair: it was really entertaining though
Shitty hair: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ ✧゚・: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)
Raccoon eyes: is that all we are to you horn buddy
Shitty hair: Nah i love you alll
Dunce face: i still can’t believe it, it’s actually blastyyy this whole time
Dunce face: just look at our list
Dunce face: (sero my man please help me out here)
Elbows: no probs got it right here
Elbows: updated list of clues of the mystery lover of one Kirshima:
In our class
Got bracelet for Kirishima
Very much in love ho ho ho
Eat together
Accidental confession from Kiri
They said it back very cutely and shyly
“They were cute”, he said. “They were adorable”, he said.
Cuddled, lover was warm “like a furnace”
They are small spoon (smol)
They are smaller than him, “clothes were baggy on them”
A guy
Smells like caramel
Raccoon eyes: yeah it doesn’t really sound like bakugou sorry
Elbows: You romanticised him too much, man
Shitty hair: But it is true????
Dunce face: whatever you say, big guy
Ears: sorry, but Bakugou smells like caramel??
Shitty hair: It’s part of his quirk, so cool
Shitty hair: it’s so manly (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
Elbows: hoho someone’s whipped
Dunce face: lets bring our attention back to the fact that Blasty is a SMALL SPOON
Raccoon eyes: And that he’s CUTE
Shitty hair: It’s true ok
Shitty hair: I can’t help it
Shitty hair: i love him
Shitty hair: <3
Lord Explosion Murder: ...
Lord Explosion Murder: <3
Lord Explosion Murder: I’ll meet you later at five.
Shitty hair: I’ll be there!!!
Dunce face: EW NO ROMANCE ON MAIN PLEASE