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I Am Intrinsically No Good

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All Shin could hear was the sound of his heavy breathing and the blood dripping from the tip of his hammer onto the tiled floor. He looked down at the bloody puddle that was steadily growing underneath his hands, his eyes were starting to focus again. He clutched at his chest and tried to slow his racing heart.

He was coming down from the high of the fight, his throat was sore from screaming while he killed the last man. It was a simple cleaning job, normally he found them very boring and was irritable at the end of it, ending up unsatisfied with no way to spend the manic energy he stores up for the job, but this time it actually felt cathartic. They put up a good fight and he was still reeling from the adrenaline running through him.

At that moment he noticed Noi standing by the door looking at him. She seemed to be there for a while starring at his hands and looked more out of it than he did. He didn't admit those things to himself too often — and never to any one else — but he really liked when she watched him, loved when she saw him in the heavy of a fight, especially when she watched the moments where he lost parts of himself and just let go during a job.

Having her seeing him like this was a strange kind of release for him, even after all the years working together.

They had recently renewed their partnership for the third time and things he faintly noticed and always dismissed before were amplified. He knew now that she also enjoyed watching him, he knew that the same kind of release ran through her when she saw him, and he was sure of that because of the contract. He could read her, Noi was like an open book to anyone who payed attention, but it was more than that now, he felt things, and felt sure of these things in a way he couldn't explain. It was more than simply knowing if she was far away from him or hurt through the bond of the contract, it felt raw and deeper somehow.

They hadn't talked about it yet, he guessed she was noticing it too but couldn't be sure. Their relationship was like that, they didn't talk much about these sort of things, they preferred actions. It worked for them. He thought it was safer this way.

Shin lifted his mask to wipe his forehead with his clean — well, cleaner hand. He was still panting when he suddenly felt a stinging pain in his other hand. He instinctively gripped his hammer tighter. Noi was still paralyzed by the door, still starring at his hands. Maybe she noticed his injury before he did.

"Noi," he called out to snap her out of it. She looked up at him with eyes wide and gave a flustered apology.

"Sorry senpai!" she stepped away from the door and moved towards him with her hands open in front of her as if she was caught red-handed doing something she shouldn't.

"For what?" he waited a moment for an answer he knew wouldn't come, "are you finished with the others?"

"Yes," he could tell she was smiling proudly beneath her mask, "that was a great job you did here!" 

Shin grunted in acknowledgement and put away his hammer, flexing his hands. She immediately looked down.

"Are you hurt?" Shin was sure that Noi knew the answer to that question.

"I think so. Some of it must be mine," he lifted his bloody arm towards her and she took his hands in hers. Noi held his wrists in one hand and the tip of his fingers with the other. She examined his wound while holding him, as if this was necessary for her magic to heal him. Her grip seemed way too gentle for him. He didn't feel like he deserved her touching him this way given the situation. Or ever.

He sighed and she seemed to understand that he wanted her to get on with it. She removed her mask completely — as if that was necessary too — and slowly lowered her face toward his hands. He watched transfixed while her lips almost touched his palm and he felt her magic take effect. Her grip on him was still as gentle as before, he felt her thumb move along the inside of his fingers, stroking him slowly.

She could have been unconsciously adjusting her grip, but that touch had felt like a caress and warmth suddenly ran through his body, from the tips of his fingers to the tip of his toes. His heart felt tight and was back to beating as fast as before but for a very different reason. He knew that even with her eyes closed she noticed how stiff his posture had become next to her.

Just like that, she could always catch him off guard. Sometimes he was sure she didn't do it on purpose. Other times he was sure she knew what she was doing and how it affected him, especially in recent years. His reactions were always involuntary, his body was starving for it and his brain had to run to catch up to it and stop his reactions midway. He knew he had everything he deserved and more in their partnership, Noi was the only significant person in his life, he didn't dare hope for more, hated that he caught himself thinking about it at times like these.

"All done," she released his arms and Shin quickly took a few steps back to put some distance between them. Noi gave him a soft smile and he hoped his face didn't look as warm as it felt.

He just walked past her and half grunted for her to get to the car.

 

Later that night Shin found himself tired from work but unable to fall asleep. He was laying in his bed but the night was unusually hot. He'd even ditched his boxers after tossing and turning on the bed for a while.

He felt restless not just because of the humid air, but couldn't pinpoint exactly why. It was a foreign sensation, like that restlessness wasn't his. He didn't want to dwell on that thought when he finally managed to get more comfortable laying down on his stomach. He always slept facing down.

He thought about what En was rambling about earlier that day, about how people that slept facing up had no problems not having control over things in their life, and those that only slept facing down did not like to lose control on any situation. He wasn't even paying attention at the time and didn't know why he was thinking about it now.

Those thoughts started spiraling out of his control as he started losing consciousness, he was almost falling asleep, felt like the beginning of a dream taking form when he heard a long drawn out moan that sounded like Noi.

It was different from when she was in pain, sounded nothing like the ones he heard countless times before, in triumph or violence. But somehow he knew it sounded exactly like her.

The part of his mind that could still give form to his thoughts hated the other part that involuntarily just pictured her face twisted in pleasure with that perfect sound coming out of her mouth.

The image his mind conjured up looked way too accurate and real. Shin rarely dreamed, but when he did, he always retained somewhat of a control over his consciousness. It was a curse, especially when he dreamed of Noi in these situations. He hated the fact that it wasn't the first nor the second time he dreamed of her like this, but it had never felt so vivid. He tried to convince his subconscious that dreaming about this was a bad, bad idea, he desperately tried to shape his dream into something else.

When he saw her and felt her touching herself, felt heat pooling low on his belly, felt her breath leaving her lips as she sighed, he knew it wasn't a dream.

He felt himself getting hard even though he was pressed against the mattress. He was wide awake by now and sweating more than before, his mind going a mile a minute trying to make sense and understand what was happening.

He didn't dare to move, he knew, saw, felt just how much pleasure was running through Noi's body at that moment.

He shut his eyes tight and tried to will those thoughts and connection away somehow. He knew it was a useless effort, it was the damn contract doing things he couldn't even comprehend.

By now all of his senses were assaulted with the sensation of Noi teasing herself. He knew she was close to the edge since the moment he started feeling her. She was naked, laying down on her back, her hair loose on her pillow framing her flushed face. Shin could see her finger slowly circling her clit, the small of her back was curved off the bed and her muscles were taut. She had turned her face in her pillow, mouth sightly open and eyes shut tight like his were.

Her other hand grasped one of her breasts desperately and it was too much for him, it was the most breathtaking scene Shin had ever witnessed and he didn't even understand in what form he was taking part in this. By now he was panting and impossibly hard against his sheets, he didn't know if she was somehow privy to this. Or that he was taking part in what she was doing. He shouldn't take advantage of the situation, wouldn't do that without her knowing, couldn't do that to her.

He was a mess and didn't understand how she could feel so much, be so close for so long and not let go. She kept going on her slow torture and his hands twisted the sheets as he felt himself leaking. He wanted her to let go, he felt delirious with how much he wanted to feel and see her letting go, he wanted desperately even though he knew how wrong it was. He told himself in the middle of the frenzy that he just wanted that so this could end soon, he felt like a dirty voyeur.

Shin buried his face on the pillow at the burning sensation when she stopped and moved her hands lower to dip two fingers inside herself. Noi threw her had back as she started stroking against a spot that had her entire body - and fuck everything, his entire body trembling, but right before it became to much for her she quickly moved her hand back up and continued stroking her clit.

Shin didn't dare touch himself but then she was gasping and the sounds coming out of her mouth made him buck his hips involuntarily against his mattress. He groaned loudly at the relief he felt with the friction, his sounds somewhat muffled by the pillow, and right then as if in response to his reaction Noi threw her head back and started chanting please, please, please and he couldn't help the gaps that came out of his own mouth this time.

He felt her getting closer and closer, her legs moving against her sheets. He gripped so hard against his to stop himself from doing anything he might regret that he was tearing the fabric, but it was useless, he was so lost in the onslaught of sensations that his hips were thrusting against his bed of their own accord.

With each passing second, slow torturous seconds, he felt her pleasure grow, the sensations and sounds getting more vivid, and with flashing clarity he knew now that she was imagining his hands in place of hers, fantasizing about him holding her down and his hands, like she imagined so many times before, stroking her like she was now.

With that realization he heard Noi scream his name and he bit his pillow to stop himself from screaming hers as a wave of shock overtook her body. He felt each wave of her orgasm hitting her and then him as he spent himself, biting his pillow so hard that he also tore through the pillow case.

It took several minutes for him to recover from his - and Noi's orgasm, he didn't feel the connection anymore, not like before, it was in its usual form now, he just knew she was close by and safe.

Shin felt too exhausted to care that he was laying down on a pool of his own cum and sweat, too exhausted to think about the implications of what just happened, of her whispering his name as she came, like he never heard before.

Not senpai, Shin. He just closed his eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.