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The Importance of Proper Hair Care

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Patrick sits on the toilet with his head in his hands, dropped between his legs. He runs his hands through his hair and thinks about what David had said to him earlier that day at the store. He decides it’s time to finally get this over with.

The next evening, he finds himself back in the bathroom thinking about what had transpired, the way that Stevie and he had mercilessly tormented David all day about his inability to compromise, how they’d hung out in the store well after closing sipping on wine and how David eventually tipped his head back, closing his eyes, flailing his hands around realizing he just couldn’t handle all the “incorrect” things that had transpired, and that special word he’d accidentally let slip, declaring Patrick his boyfriend, finally granting a proper name and status to their relationship.

Patrick grins and relieves himself, flushing the toilet. He looks away but hears a strange sound come up, like an unusual bubbling. He glances over, but he notices the water settling in the bowl so he watches until it stops. Patrick washes his hands, gives a smug half-smile to himself in the mirror and walks quietly back to his bedroom where he knows his boyfriend is waiting for him in bed to christen their new titles.

“You took long enough!” David hisses at him, practically running out of the room bee-lining for the bathroom.

Disappointed in David’s response, Patrick decides to change out of his work clothes and put on his pyjamas. Somewhere between putting on his comfy sweatpants and throwing on his favourite faded Jays t-shirt, he hears a scream coming from the bathroom. There’s no way David has finished his skin care regimen for the evening, so he’s positive who it originated from.

Patrick immediately runs out, shirtless, and sees Ray starting to walk down the hall from his bedroom.

“Don’t worry Ray, I’ve got this,” he yells, knowing that David wouldn’t want to be seen by anyone mid-routine.

As he rushes into the bathroom, Patrick hears the sound of rushing water and sees a frantic and panicked David, face covered with some sort of light green coloured goopy stuff. It takes him a second to realize the toilet is starting to overflow.

“Oh shit David, pass me the plunger!” he orders, a little bit more forcefully than intended.

David looks around the bathroom, momentarily unbothered by having Patrick seen him on step 4 of 9 of his carefully planned regimen. “I don’t see one!” he squeals, hands waving around the room.

Patrick assumes David just doesn’t know where to look, so he peeks around the sides of the toilet, beside the vanity, and even behind the door, with no luck. He jiggles the handle of the toilet in case it’s stuck and even opens up the lid to the back, trying to see if any of the parts are disconnected or not closing properly. He is able to lift the chain to get the water to momentarily stop running.

“Uhhh David, I know you’re going to hate this, especially right now with that, uh, stuff on your face, but I need you to ask Ray for a plunger. I think there’s a clog and that’s the only way to stop the toilet from overflowing unless you want me standing here holding this all night,” Patrick pleads.

David twists his mouth off to the side, refusing to look at Patrick and begrudgingly walks down the hall to talk to Ray.

A few minutes later, Ray appears with an old cracked plunger from the downstairs bathroom in his hand and passes it to Patrick. With his one free hand, he takes it and thanks Ray.

“Door open or closed?” Ray asks.

“Uh, open is fine,” Patrick answers in a bit of a huff.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to stop by your store to pick up a new plunger or two, Bob mentioned that you had them in stock now,” he mentions as he walks away.

David turns and glares at Patrick whose eyes light up and he immediately bursts out laughing.

“Ugh, they’re still incorrect!” he screeches.

Patrick continues to giggle to himself as he performs the plunging tasks, grunting every now and then as he works to unclog whatever is stuck in the pipe. He can feel David’s eyes on him as he works and finally dislodges a gloopy white blob that floats to the top of the water in the bowl.

“Ew,” David says, totally grossed out. He turns back to the sink to continue where he left off, rinsing his face and moving on to Step 5.

Patrick looks a little bit closer into the bowl and as he does, a familiar smell wafts up to meet his nose.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, hoping David won’t hear him.

“What?” David asks, still scrubbing his face in the mirror.

“Oh, nothing,” Patrick replies.

David whips around mid-rinse and stares deeply into Patrick’s eyes, remaining silent.

“Okay, fine, I clogged the toilet,” he admits sheepishly.

“Really? What did you do?” David asks.

“Ugh, fine, remember yesterday how you told me at the store what a tragedy it was that I was still using drugstore brand three-in-one shampoo/conditioner/body wash since we literally sell all these things that are much better quality and can access them at cost?”

“Yeah, and?”

“Well, I came home and thought about it and decided to dump the rest of the bottle. I guess that wasn’t the best idea. I had no idea it was that sticky,” Patrick admits.

Patrick flushes the toilet again 2 more times, making sure it washes away the evidence once and for all.

Even in the middle of step 6, David reaches for Patrick and brings him in for a tight embrace.

David pats him softly on the head. “Don’t worry, tomorrow I’ll help you select all the right products for these tresses of yours. I can almost see a curl pattern forming up here!”