"Seungkwan, you've never kissed anyone before, right?" Hansol asks, as casually as one can, as if he hasn't been working up the nerve to ask Seungkwan this for an entire week already. Seungkwan looks up from his phone, blinking slowly, cheeks reddening, barely noticeable. Hansol notices. He always does.
"Yeah," Seungkwan replies, tone turning a bit defensive. "Why?"
Hansol shakes his head, unable to stop his smile. "Not for a bad reason, Seungkwan. I just…."
Seungkwan raises his eyebrows. He puts his phone down completely. Swallows. "You what?"
Hansol rolls his eyes. "I don't know."
"You don't know?"
Hansol goes quiet. This is harder than he thought. Which, of course it's harder than he thought it would be. He laughs, admonishing himself. Seungkwan just looks confused.
Finally, after several painfully awkward seconds, Hansol speaks again, "Wow, this is difficult."
At that, Seungkwan lets out a smile. "Oh? Are you trying to tell me you also haven't kissed someone?"
"I've kissed someone," Hansol replies immediately. Hansol catches how Seungkwan's face falls, just a bit, only a bit, but it's enough, it's always enough. "I mean—it was a long time ago. I barely even remember it."
At that, Seungkwan perks up again. Hansol wonders how old he was when he realized that, gradually, over all of these years, he's learned all of Seungkwan's mannerisms. Hansol knows how to make Seungkwan laugh. He knows how to make him upset. He knows what every single one of Seungkwan's smiles means. He knows that the majority of the ones he sends Hansol's way are his favorite.
"Well," Seungkwan says, cutting through the noise of Hansol's love-riddled brain, "That sucks."
Seungkwan laughs. "That your first kiss sucked!" He shakes his head. "You interrupt my special time with this weird webcomic Wonwoo sent me only to not even listen to me."
Hansol rolls his eyes. "I mean, I'm still trying to figure out how to phrase it."
Seungkwan waits patiently, silently, dramatically. Hansol wonders how he can feel so fond.
Another minute passes. Seungkwan has already broken the eye contact, awkwardly looking around the room, his thumb and pointer finger pressing his pant fabric together, and—
"I think… if you wanted… we could… y'know… practice."
Seungkwan's head whips back around, eyes wide. Hansol gives him an awkward smile in response.
"Are you joking?"
Hansol shakes his head. "No." He laughs. Why does he keep laughing? "No, I'm not joking."
Somehow, Seungkwan's eyes go even wider. Hansol is already setting himself up for rejection. This was a stupid idea. Why would he think otherwise? Why would he bring it up now of all ti—
Hansol's mind goes blank. The face of rejection disappears in front of him.
Seungkwan nods, suddenly moving in closer to Hansol, his smile teasing, only just. "I said that, didn't I?"
Hansol nods, feeling ridiculous for being slightly breathless. Fuck. He nods. "Okay. Okay, yeah."
They stare at each other until Seungkwan breaks eye contact again. And Hansol realizes Seungkwan's gone shy.
He's still so close to Hansol, though. When Seungkwan moved closer, Hansol didn't realize just how close. Hansol stares at Seungkwan. And stares. And finally, he brings up his hand, resting it on Seungkwan's cheek.
"Hey," he says, voice quiet, reassuring. "It's just me, Seungkwan."
Finally, Seungkwan looks at him again, his lips pursed in a small smile that Hansol absolutely adores.
"You're mocking me," Seungkwan says then, not meaning it at all. Hansol laughs, shaking his head with exaggeration.
"I could never."
Seungkwan huffs, leaning into Hansol's touch as he does. It sends a shiver up Hansol's arm but he doesn't show it. Instead, he brings up his other hand, letting it rest on Seungkwan's waist. He's leaning forward now. Seungkwan's gaze is expectant, nervous. Hansol feels like he's been caught in a forest fire.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Hansol asks before he lets himself burn too quickly. "I know I asked you, but it's just… I don't want you to think you have to or anything like that. Maybe you want to practice with someone else, I don't know."
"I said yes because it was you that asked, idiot," Seungkwan replies. "And stop talking so much." He grins, saying his next words slowly and with purpose. "It's just me, Hansol."
"So now you're mocking me? Where is your innocence?" Hansol drops his hands and tries to pull back, faking offense, but Seungkwan doesn't let him, his hands coming up and landing on Hansol's back, warm and stable.
"Please just kiss me already, Hansol."
Hansol swallows, but he leans forward again, brushing his nose against Seungkwan's cheek as his hand comes back up to settle on Seungkwan's waist. It's so quiet in the room they're in. Has it always been this quiet? "Well, first, you can't rush it."
Seungkwan snorts, pulling back. "I thought we were both practicing kissing here? You've only kissed one person and it went badly and now you're trying to give me advice?"
"I'm getting us in the mood, okay?"
Hansol leans in and kisses his cheek. Seungkwan goes still. Hansol smiles, letting his lips linger, just barely, so lightly, before finally, he lets them drag across Seungkwan's skin, and when Hansol hears Seungkwan's inhale, Hansol brings his other hand up, placing it on Seungkwan's other cheek once again.
Seungkwan is staring at him, wide-eyed and shocked. Hansol lets out a small smile. Seungkwan is so cute. Seungkwan is so….
Hansol leans in, his lips finally brushing Seungkwan's, and Hansol feels himself burning away, his skin ablaze, his nerves on fire.
It's an awkward and simple kiss. They don't do anything with their mouths. They just kiss, lips pressed against lips, and it's weird, and Hansol wonders what they look like right now, what it'd be like to be someone else right now and walk into the room and see these two boys just kissing but not kissing, and it makes him laugh. Seungkwan starts laughing, too. They both pull away.
"Fuck, that was weird."
"Let's try again," Seungkwan says, his eyelashes flickering prettily as he blinks. And this time, he's the one that kisses first, he's the one that rests his hand on Hansol's cheek, he's the one that moves in closer and closer and closer until finally, their lips are pressing against each other's again, but this time, Seungkwan opens his mouth and it's different now, but it's the same, and Hansol's eyes flicker shut, the world turned off completely, his only focus being Seungkwan's lips on his.
It's better this time. They lean into each other more. Seungkwan's hands move up and down Hansol's back before he drops one, letting it rest in his lap, and Hansol takes it, squeezing it tightly as they kiss each other more and more and more and more.
It goes on for another minute, for two minutes, three, and Hansol feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest. And pathetically, he's the one that pulls back first because suddenly, he feels like he's about to start crying. He isn't looking at Seungkwan because fuck, this was a stupid idea. He shouldn't have done this. How can they come back from this?
Isn't the case usually when people practice kissing, they realize after they love each other? Hansol's already fucked that up.
He shouldn't have done this.
"I'm sorry," Hansol says.
Seungkwan frowns. "Why are you sorry?"
"I… I did want to practice kissing. I mean… Soonyoung and Seokmin were talking about kissing the other day and their first kisses and one of them mentioned how they basically dated this one person just so they could practice kissing together, and I thought, out of everyone, I'd want to practice with you. But of course I'd want to practice it with you. I'm sorry, Seungkwan."
Seungkwan just stares at him. Hansol recognizes the stare. It's the, You're not being serious right now, are you? stare.
And sure enough, "You don't actually believe that do you?" Hansol is still. Seungkwan laughs at him. "I literally told you earlier I only said yes because it was you. That didn't clue you in on anything?"
The pieces fall together. Hansol's mouth drops open. "No way… you mean…?"
Seungkwan heaves a sigh that Hansol amusedly thinks is comparable to the weight of the world. "I can't believe you interrupted our first kiss to spout out some guilty monologue."
"Technically, it was our second kiss."
Seungkwan laughs, taking Hansol's hand in his again and just holding on. He doesn't say anything for a long time. Hansol just waits.
"We'll… we can talk about everything later, can't we? I've… this is what I want, Hansol. You are who I want."
Hansol feels the fire all over his body, but it's warm, muted. It's safe.
Hansol nods, his gaze focused on the way Seungkwan's thumb is lightly stroking Hansol's hand. He looks back up. He smiles.
"Yeah," he agrees, "let's talk about it later."
"Okay, phew. Now let's get back to practicing." Seungkwan suggestively moves his eyebrows. "I don't think I learned enough yet."
Their third kiss begins with a laugh.
And it definitely isn't the last.