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we can’t erase what we already know

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The sounds of soft rain against the metal roof echoed throughout the apartment as Hyewon laid on her couch, overthinking. The night skies surround her in a blue hue on her 8th floor apartment that she paid too much for. She had a knack for filling her loneliness with money and buying things she didn’t need. It was easy, and worked for the time being, but she knew it never lasted. 

Kwon Eunbi lasted though. The warmth and thrill the girl brought into her life was nothing she’d experienced before. The endless nights they’d spend together driving nowhere and blasting music, stopping only to get snacks at a nearby gas station. The nights she’d take the older girl to a fancy restaurant only to make out in the alley way. Eunbi always brought excitement into Hyewon’s slow paced, eventless life as a CEO for her parents company. 

They’d make promises at 3am, limbs entangled within each other in Hyewon’s king sized bed to stay this way forever, together. Eunbi’s red lipstick smeared against her cheek, put there by Hyewon, and Eunbi’s hands tangled within the younger girl's hair. The sun streaming through the blinds, tingly on their skin, illuminating the room around them. They felt as whatever the world threw at them wouldn’t matter because they had each other. 

And that was true for the most part.

Until the endless nights they’d spend together came to an end. Hyewon’s occupation as a CEO took a hold of her life more than she thought it would. It pulled everything she enjoyed in her normal life right from under her feet, including Kwon Eunbi. The older girl decided to go back to school, hopes set on getting a degree for something in the arts, focused on pursuing her dream to paint professionally. Hyewon would spend many nights watching her paint over and over again, trying to perfect the canvas. Hyewon always thought every piece she created was beautiful though, almost as beautiful as her. 

Eunbi met new people upon entering university, but she stayed the same care free, wild girl Hyewon knew her as. They tried to keep in touch often, but life seemed to put a wedge between them, breaking any promise they made while laying in Hyewon’s bed. It was quick. Eunbi was gone from her life before Hyewon even realized it, and when she did it was too late. 

3 Months of no contact between the girls went by before they saw each other again. 

It was a rainy day, Hyewon stopped at a local cafe to avoid the rain and pick up a coffee like she usually does. As she ordered, she sat down at a nearby table waiting when she saw her. Eunbi sat at a table alone, seemingly scrolling through twitter or instagram while she sipped on an americano. Hyewon stopped to look at her after not seeing her for so long. She never stopped loving the girl, and spent most of her nights alone, the older girl invading her thoughts no matter how hard she tried to not think about her. She looked good as always, hair wavy and barefaced. 

Eunbi eventually met her eyes and the two girls just stared for what felt like an eternity. The stare held a lot of words left unsaid and both of the girls felt it. But

just as Eunbi was going to say something, another girl walked out from the bathroom and sat next to her. Hyewon watched the new girl smile at Eunbi and take her hand in hers, the same way Hyewon once did.

After that Hyewon forced a smile and grabbed her coffee, walking out in the rain not caring that she was getting drenched and cold. It was nothing compared to the sting her heart felt. 

A few weeks later she found out the girl's name was Lee Chaeyeon, a business major attending the same university as Eunbi. How ironic, she thought.

They hadn’t seen each other for 2 months after that, Hyewon too busy with her job and Eunbi busy with school and now Chaeyeon.

After the 2 months, Hyewon decided to take some time off work, needing to think about her life and many other things. Eunbi continued to occupy her thoughts and Hyewon wasn’t sure how to forget her. Kwon Eunbi wasn’t someone you could forget, and she knew that. She would think back to when they laid under the stars, Eunbi in her arms. 

“Do you believe in love?” Eunbi stared at Hyewon, waiting for her answer.

“I know love is wherever you are.”

Hyewon caught herself thinking of moments they’d had together more often than she’d admit. But how could she not, they were the best moments of her life. Every minute she’d spent with the older girl was one she knew she would cherish forever, but now she wished to forget them to make losing her easier.

Although she missed her more than anything, the anger of her moving on so quick was still fresh in her mind. Lee Chaeyeon’s hand in Eunbi’s replayed in her mind like a loop. It was a wound that never healed. Yena would often let Hyewon stalk Chaeyeon’s Instagram, but everytime she wished she hadn’t. Pictures of them sharing moments she thought she would share with the older girl hurt her in a different way. The jealousy and envy she had towards Chaeyeon ate her alive.

 

So she sat in her 8th floor apartment, surrounded by things she didn’t need or want. Nothing filled the void in her heart left by Kwon Eunbi. Hyewon laid on her expensive couch in the dark, the blue sky dimly illuminating her apartment, alone. She overthinks her life and everything she’s done and accomplished. She thinks she might need to eat something, or drink a glass of water but that wasn’t a good enough reason for her to get up from the couch. The sounds of the city fill her ears and she reminisces of the times she would be living in those moments. She could even turn the tv on and watch something, but decides against it just like everything else. She lays for what feels like hours until she hears her phone ring. The urge to not answer it was strong but something inside her was telling her to answer it. 

“Hello?” There was a silence that followed so Hyewon waited. 

Still, silence. 

“Hyewon?” She knew the voice from anywhere, how could she forget the voice of the girl that has been occupying her thoughts for over 5 months. 

“Eunbi?”

“Hey, I know this is probably really weird but can we talk?” Her voice was unsteady, unsure.

“We are talking.” Hyewon had desperately wanted to talk to the girl for months, but for some reason she felt resentment, anger.

“Yeah no, sorry you’re right. I just, um.”

Silence.

“I’m outside your apartment.”

Hyewon blinked. What?

“What?”

“Can you let me in Hyewon, just hear me out.”

Hyewon hung up the phone and sat up on her couch for a second to collect herself. After about a minute, she got up and walked to her door. She put her hand on the handle and opened the door slowly, revealing the cause of her life coming to a halt. She quickly studied the girl's face, which had looked the same besides her new hair and the fact that she had seemingly been crying, puffy eyes giving it away. 

“Uh, hi.” Hyewon wasn’t sure what to say, still in shock of the events unfolding. 

“Can I come in?” 

“Uh yeah sure.”

Eunbi stepped in her apartment after 5 months and Hyewon closed the door behind her, feeling a sense of deja vu. They stood in the living room in silence. 

“I know this is weird.” Eunbi broke the silence. “But I needed to see you.” She took a deep breath. “I miss you Hyewon.” 

Hyewon thought this would feel good but all she could think about was her and Chaeyeon. Eunbi just gets to show up at her apartment out of nowhere and say she misses her? She still hurts. 

“Bullshit.” Eunbi is taken back by the younger girl's response. 

“These past months you’ve been with her , and I’ve had to watch that. I’ve had to watch that alone. I’m trying to heal. And now you miss me?” Hyewon laughed bitterly. “Go back to Chaeyeon Eunbi, just go.”

Hyewon went to turn around but Eunbi stopped her. 

“God Hyewon how can you be so stupid I don’t want Chaeyeon I want you!” Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, falling one by one and Hyewon had to stop herself from catching them. 

“I’ve felt so empty these past months, desperately trying to fill the void you left, And yeah for a while that was Chaeyeon, she’s nice and sincere and she cares about me but everytime I kiss her I see your stupid face! You were the one who was too busy for me Hyewon, you don’t get to pin this on me because you left! I tried to move on. I really did. But here I am because I can’t seem to live without you and your stupid smile and your stupid laugh.” Eunbi was sobbing at this point, tears coming down like a river. 

“I can’t live without you because I love you Hyewon. I’m in love with you and I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way I love you.”

Hyewon heard the words come out of the older girls mouth and it was like everything snapped into place. She knew there wasn’t a life where Eunbi wasn’t in it. The nights they spent together living out their wildest dreams wasn’t enough because she wanted every night and every day with her, all the time. She wanted the good and the bad, and everything in between. Eunbi was everything she ever wanted. So she stepped forward and Eunbi looked up at her as Hyewon held her face in her hands. 

“I love you too, Kwon Eunbi. More than anything in the world.”

And like the world stopped, their lips connected for the first time in 5 months and everything was right again. 

They had eachother again and that was enough.