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It all started that morning, when Dumbledore said that he had an announcement to make.

"Today, in celebration of one of the biggest Death Eater catches we have ever made since this war, I, as well as the rest of the professors, propose an idea." The aged wizard said, smiling. The students excitedly chatter amongst themslves, what is it going to be? A party?

"Of course, we would want it to be entertaining for everyone involved." He continued "And after a meeting, we have decided on..a play."

Everyone in the Grand Hall squealed, nothing like a classic theatre experience. The drama kids are keeling over in happiness.

Severus, meanwhile, was as deadpan as you'd expect him to be. He was never a fan of social gatherings, whether it be a party of some kind or just a meeting. The reclusive Slytherin prefers to sit in an alcove somewhere in the school, companied by his precious books rather than be a loud dunderhead. 

"And this isn't the end." Dumbledore announced, gaining even more excitement from the student body "I will allow students in the play. Specifically, i would choose the students myself and they would come up with something."

Severus had to wince and cover his ears as the Hall exploded in screams. The proffesors had to go down themselves and calm the shrieking children.

He rolled his eyes, going over the crowd to try and find Louis.

Once he had gotten out of the Hall though (knowing that the Hufflepuff didn't come to hear the Headmaster's announcement that morning), he was stopped short by a hand on his shoulder.

Proffesor Dumbledore himself was standing there, somehow having gotten out of the Hall without notice, and was smiling down at him with a suspicious amount of cheer.

"My boy, a bit of your time please?"

"Yes professor?"

"I have some things that i need to discuss with you. Come along now."


Severus growled, throwing the script he was given on the floor.

His anger only increased as the memories of the meeting came back to him

5 Days Ago

"My boy," Dumbledore began "I have announced that the school is hosting a play. I'm sure you were in the Hall before, correct?"  Seeing him nod, the wizard continued "My boy, I believe you have had an..incident involving Remus and Mr Louis Matthews, Mrs Aleta Harvest, the Marauders and several other students in the last month. Despite Remus's initial silence, I have found out what you have done. And i need to say that what you have just done is extremely irresponsible, even if it did save his life."

Severus froze up, he was sure that he left no track behind. So how did Dumbledore-

"But still, I have to applaude your bravery, and rest asured that you will not be punished for it. It would be hypocritical if i applaude Mr Black and Potter, while condemning you. However.."

Oh, while it's a relief to know that he's not in any real trouble, he also knows what's coming next.

"I'll be putting you in the cast along with the other students involved. I hope you understand."

Expulsion is better than this.

End

He had met up with Louis and the others, and was forced to pick a role from the story. Everything is chosen randomly, as none of them have any creativity when it comes to stage plays, they just stole Muggle fairy tales.

He cursed Potter's unlucky hand as the bespectacled boy pulled out Cinderella out of all things.

The cast and roles where chosen the same way. Each of them stuck their hands in a box and then pulls out what they are supposed to be.

The roles are as goes:

-Potter is the Prince, fitting yet also ironic at the same time if you account his constant lusting over Lily.

-Black is the King, and he whined about not having enough screen time.

-Lupin is the Step-mother, which is completely Out-Of-Character for the usually quiet and (dare he say it) nice boy.

-Pettigrew is supposed to be the mouse, however, the boy had stage fright. So they just decided to cut his role in general, because if Cinderella could do all those chores all by herself, then she doesn't need a damn rat to fix a dress for her.

-Mulciber is Step-sister 1.

-Avery is Step-sister 2.

-Abbott is Cinderella's father.

-Louis is the Fairy godmother, oh lords..

-And Aleta, the lucky bitch, got the director.

Oh, what did he get? Cinder-fucking-ella herself.

Severus burried his head into the pillow, he was supposed to attend another meeting so they could practice the lines (the play is already going to start tommorow..), but he's sure that nobody is there except for Lupin anyways. Why even bother.

'Screw it' He thought to himself 'I'm going to just.. ruin that play. Make it up on the fly, who gives a shit.'


The day of the play has finally come, and..

"Why the fuck do I need to wear that!?" He screamed, pointing at the hideous... thing that dares to call itself a dress which Aleta is holding up. Don't get him wrong, he was used to wearing old shit from his mom, feminine clothing is nothing to him. But even then, he still only wear blouses.

"Oh c'mon Sev, you knew this was gonna happen. You're the main girl goddamnit." The Ravenclaw girl said, shoving the dress into his unwilling arms "Now go get dressed, the play starts in 10 minutes so hurry up." 

Severus sighed, and reluctantly put the dress on. He was going to ruin this play for fucking sure. This is public humiliation..

The thing was actually pretty comfortable, obviously designed that way so they could move better. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, and he thought he looked like a 15th century peasant girl sent out to get some fresh water from the well.

"The play is starting!" He heard the girl shout and prepared himself to come onto the stage.

Meanwhile, outside, everyone was waiting to see what Snape looked like. Words spread throughout the school about the reclusive Slytherin's role as a girl and everyone was eager to see where the play would go in general.

The candles dimmed, and the curtains moved aside. Revealing Simon Abbott, lying and breathing heavily on the bed,out of breath and slowly dying. The students frowned at the scene, as well as marvel at how realistic the acting seemed.

Meanwhile, Simon is actually gasping for breath, as he was forced by Aleta (who claimed to be the director, but he refused to believe her) to put small weight on his scarf, slightly consticting his breathing. Curse that woman.

He did his best impression of a scraggly voice and said "Ella, my precious daughter. Come..to me.."

Meanwhile, Severus just stood there, glaring at him as he checked his nails for dirt. Simon, thinking that maybe he didn't hear him, spoke a bit louder "Ella, please..come here."

Seeing Snape refusing to come, he got angry and accidentally said "For fucks sake Ella! I'm dying over here! Your manicures are ugly anyway!" and gasped when he realised he just broke character. Some of the proffesors turned away and snorted, while many students openly laugh.

Finally, Severus stopped being a creep and stepped out of the shadows. He looked..not bad. 

While the original Cinderella was delicate, like a flower. Snape looked good in a way that was energetic and youthful. The boy faked tears him his eyes, ran to him and moaned "No! Father! You can't die yet!"

"I'm sorry..my dear."

"You haven't even told me my share of the fortune yet!"

Meanwhile, Aleta from the wing hace palmed as she looked at the scene. Louis was snorting loudly and some of the Marauders were coughing uncontrollably. This play has only just begun and it has already gone to shit.

"Goodbye, I love you..my sweet girl.." Abbott gasped out, closing his eyes and playing dead the best he could, which is just going to sleep. Severus cried, grasping his hands, making the audience's heart churn in sympathy for the poor girl..boy..

"No! Just what is the bank account password! Father!!" 

Is this Cinderella'a only motivation money!?

The curtains closed, moving onto the next scene. Poor Ella was relocated to his step-mother's house, who married his father not long ago. There, he was faced with a challenge.

"Hey Ella, but hey..you're just so dirty, always sleeping in the fireplace and all. Cinders have fallen all over you." Says Mulciber, looking absolutely splendid in a hideous bright pink dress.

"Your name is Cinderalla from now on!" Avery exclaims, not doing much better with his neon yellow gown.

The challenge was to have enough self control to not just kill this fucker.

He grabbed the mop, and started to clean the floor, Avery decided to go a step further in order to achieve his dream of becoming an actor, poured the tea he was drinking on the floor. The floor that Severus had just cleaned. And yelled "Hey Cinderella! You missed a spot."

Said 'Cinderella' can no longer take it, "I'll fucking show you!" he jumped up and just started strangling the taller boy. While Mulciber cried "Holy fuck! Mother! Mother! Cinderella is killing my sister! Mother!!"

The curtains hastily closed, leaving the audience to wonder just what the fuck happened. This wasn't how the classic fairy tale went, this was more of an action movie than anything!

The next scene had Remus, looking down in shame while he had on the ugliest purple frock Severus had ever seen in his life, the werewolf clearing his throat and said "The palace is going to be holding a ball tonight. And they're going to choose a bride for the prince."

"Oh! I want to marry prince James!" Mulciber sighed, leaning onto Avery and he continued to be over-dramatic. Avery meanwhile, frowned "I'm much hotter than the prince, why don't you marry me?" which earned him a slap from the other boy.

"Of course, Cinderella isn't going, you have to do chores afterall." Remus tried to mock, though he just ended up sounding sorry and sympathetic. Oh Remus, can't even pretend to be mean, god knows why you're friends with the Marauders.

"Who the fuck says i'm going to go!?" Severus snapped, looking up from the apple he was peeling. Avery snorted "You are just lealous that you don't get to go. Poor Cinderella, don't even have a dress."

"Fuck you, i've already fixed my real mum's old one. So i do have a dress, and i think that the prince would rather rip his eyes out than even contemplate dancing with you. Your dress looks like it's stained with piss!"

"What the hell are you talking about Cinderella! My dress looks great. And also, you're so fucking short that prince James won't even notice- ACK!!"

Severus jumped up again, mauling the taller boy, this time with a knife. The curtains had to close once more just as Remus and Mulciber ran over to stop him from just offing poor Avery. 

Down at the Proffesors' table, McGonagall leaned over to Dumbledore and whispered "I told you this was a bad idea Albus, but you never listen to me, don't you."

The Headmaster laughed and said "Bad? My girl Minerva, I believe you are mistaken. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen."

The curtains opened again, this time to reveal Severus sitting on a log, with a crumbled and ripped dress. Looking all pissy and glaring at the ground.

Suddenly, a flash of light appeared. And out was Louis, dressed in a... Demons' costume.

"Oh my dear Cinderella. Why are you staining your beautiful face with those tears-" The Hufflepuff drawled, being more dramatic than necessary. But he was cut off by a rude hiss.

"Do i look like i'm crying to you!"

"Hey!" He scolded, looked down at Severus "I'm older than you! Show some fucking respect." Followed by a audible mumble of 'Kids these days..'

"Who the fuck even are you?" Severus asked, this was claerly not part of the script. Though he wasn't even following the script, how did Louis manage to convince Aelta into letting him dress like the villain of a otome game?

"Well i'm your demon godmother, obviously, fucking dumbass. Now tell by why is your dress all ripped up slut style."

"Tch" The Slytherin spat "I got in a fight."

"Who won?"

"I did!" 

"Good girl!" Louis said, playing along better than anyone else had. He took out his wand and tapped the tip of the wand on the ruined dress. It turned into a beautiful emerald green gown, much like the original story, except it's green and suit's Severus better. His feet now had these dainty glass shoes on, charmed to not break just in case Severus decides that it'll be a good weapon.

With a few more waves, a pumpkin turned into a carriage, a horse appeared as well as a driver. Louis pushed him into the pumpkin as it 'drove off', saying "Oh yeah! Get home by12 o'clock or you'll be bare assed. Like completely naked, everybody's gonna see your-"

"That's enough!"

The curtains closed once more. The students watching were full-belly laughing by now, even the proffesors were giggling to some degree.

Once again the curtains opened, this time having James and Sirius sitting side by side, both of them bored. 

James was as charming as ever, sporting a fitting gold and red outfit, which, despite the very gaudy colours, showed off his very good looking body and face. Sirius looked ridiculous, wearing a red fur cape that he definitely chose himself. The Black had a crown on his head, and wore an obvious fake moustache.

"Father.." James whined "I do not wish to have a bride. I am at the prime of my life and do not with to burden myself with-"

"Those babies aren't gonna make themselves James and I ain't gettin' any younger. At least give me some grandchildren before you inevitably throw me off by throne and take over."

The audience whistled, there was even hidden lore in this thing...

James looked over, the entire stage was glamoured to look like a luxurious ball room,  it would be hard to find Severus in this crowd. However, utilising his skills from 6 years of far-away-observing (not stalking), he quickly located the small boy.

With the grace of a peacock, he stood from his chair and made way for the Slytherin. Once he got near enough, he reached out his hand, bowed and said "My beautiful lady, may I have this dance?"

Severus looked over into the wing, Aleta was holding up her wand in a very threatening motion. He sighed and took the offered hand.

It was supposed to be a waltz, however, both boys were so bad at dancing, they kept stepping on eachothers' feet. Making loud 'thud' sounds that can be heard all the way from the proffesors table.

Slughorn turned to Kettleburn, and asked "Did Cinderella invite the prince to tap dance with her?"

The clock striked 12 o'clock, and Severus physically pushed James away from him. He ran and said "Oh no! I'm sorry! I must go, I'll never see you again for our love is not permitted! But I still love you my prince!" Despite his words, the Slytherin looked extremely eager to get away from the place.

James regained his senses, he reached his hands out and said "Guards! Do not let that woman escape!"

The fuck!? Though it was very logical in this scenario, it wasn't described in the fairy tale..

Severus took off his heels once he saw the 'guard' trying to stop him. He threw one of the slippers into the illusions face, making Aleta from the wing sigh in relief that she had put unbreaking charms on the slipper.

Severus grabbed and threw the other one away, running bare foot back to his house. James walked over to the shoes, frowning as he picked both of them up. Since there wasn't supposed to be 2, he 'discreetly' threw one away, and by discreet, i mean he yeeted it into the wing, where a scream could be heard.

He turned to Sirus, and said "Father, whoever fits this shoe..I shall marry."

The next scene showed James at the house, talking to Remus as Avery and Mulciber looked at him dreamily. Actually, Avery was looking at Mulciber dreamily while the boy just stared blankly at James because the script told him to.

"Are you sure there's noone else in the house?" James pressed, Remus shuddered and responded "No your majesty. There is truly none other in this house."

They stopped for a moment, waiting for Severus to come out. After a few seconds, Remus cleared his throat and said, louder this time "As you can see! There is no one left in this house!"

Another few seconds passed, with no signs of Severus coming out. Remus smiled gently at James, "Please wait here, your majesty."

He motioned Mulciber and Avery to follow him into the wing. Screeches and sounds of violence was heard, then they came out, dragging along with them a screaming Severus.

"Let me go! Let me go you psycho bitch!-"

"It's her!" James exclamied "I don't need a test! I remember! My dear, I have fallen inlove with you. Please, marry me!"

"Fuck no!" 

James eye twitched, this little brat-

He took a deep breath and pulled out his wand threateningly, looking straight into Severus' eyes and asked in a hard tone "Are you going to marry me or not!"

"I said no!"

James pressed the wand against Severus' temple, the audience below gasped. The gall of this prince! What a dog-blooded romance drama! Meanwhile, proffesor Mcgonagall looked like she was going to go up the stage herself and give this 'Prince James' a stern talk about consent. 

Severus hissed, similar to a cat, and then suddenly with an impressive amount of strength that noone knew he had, ripped both Mulcibers' and Averys' arms which were holding him back off. He pulled out his own wand and exclaimed "I challenge you to a duel of honor, Prince James!"

"I accept!"

Remus rubbed his temples, holding James back "Please, your majesty! Rethink your decision! Ella here is just... suprised! That you-"

"Zip it, stepmother! Fight me you disgusting coward!!"

At that very moment, Sirius Black marched in with a stern expression. Remus sighed in relief "My king! Please, stop this madness-"

"Kick his ass, James!! Get that bride!!"

Ah, of course. Remus was a fool to have thought that Sirius Black, the man who tried to shove 20 jumbo-sized marshmellows into his mouth in one go, would possibly try to help them in this situation.

A flash of light appeared out of nowhere and Louis stepped out. The Hufflepuff holding a chair and some popcorn, smiled and said "Make sure he regrets it Ella! I'm rooting for you!!"

Both of them, none are to be trusted in the slightest bit.

Finally, the curtains closed and both boys (or one boy and one.. girl??) fired their spells at eachother. And thus, concluding the chaotic play.