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Radiance ☀️🐻

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Jeno was not sure when it happened.

When his heart started fluttering in between his rib cage and his stomach started brimming with overactive hummingbirds whenever Donghyuck was within his vicinity.

Maybe it had started when they were shooting for the We Go Up music video. It was a long day of shooting, and the sun had decided to bid them goodbye in the most beautiful shade of orange as they had their breaks. The screams from Mark, Chenle, and Jisung could be heard from a distance as they chased each other—the winner got the right to sit behind the wheel of their car props for the next scene. Jaemin and Renjun were busy taking each other's pictures, indulging Jaemin in the new hobby he had picked up lately. Jeno was basking under the sun rays with Donghyuck lying on his lap. The sight of the boy napping and being caressed by the gentle orange glow of the sunset right on his golden hair and skin was a glorious sight to behold. Jeno felt starstruck that day. He had known Donghyuck for more than five years, but as he sat by the pier while soothingly stroking Donghyuck's hair, he knew his heart had never skipped so many beats.

Maybe it had started when he found out about how simple it was to exist alongside Donghyuck. When they were in LA, 5,931 miles away from their home, and yet everything about Donghyuck still felt the same. It was an epiphany that he got as he sat beside his best friends inside the small In and Out near their shooting location for the Go music video. The Dreamies were joking around and they kept teasing him for almost kissing Donghyuck while shooting, but everything just felt easy—despite the fact that they're somewhere so far and so different from home, and there was only one English speaker to speak for another 6 rambunctious boys. Ordering food had been scary, straying away from his group or Mark had been terrifying, he had been wary the whole night about whether people would judge them for being too loud and shameless in someone else's country—but Donghyuck had joked around all the same. His laugh had been unabashedly loud and beautiful, and his arm that was perched on Jeno's shoulder had been warm all the same. Thinking back, maybe Jeno had ended up falling that day, simply letting his epiphany consume him, and so did all the feelings that entailed.

Maybe it had started way before. Maybe it was when they were still in high school, wearing stifling yellow blazers, and navigating life through homeworks and dance practice routines and deep bone exhaustion as days passed by. Maybe it happened when they learned to share each other's space in between the evening crowds of the 4318 bus. Maybe it grew as they learned to live together under the strict surveillance of their company. 

Jeno was never certain about how deep his feelings ran for his bandmate.

However, one thing he knew for sure was his bad habit had started developing somewhere in between sharing an empty bus seat after school and whispering each other's worries on the dirty floor of SM's practice studio.

Unfortunately, he fell too deep into this habit that he couldn't just quit it now. 

You see, Jeno has always liked photography. He loves taking pictures, especially pictures of those whom his heart is fond of—starting from his three cats to his fellow members. Although taking his friends' pictures should never be deemed as a bad thing, he's currently toeing the line as he uploads another batch of pictures from his memory card to a folder named as 200510 Beyond Live Donghyuck (unedited). Okay, so maybe it's normal to have folders of his crush's pictures, but is it truly okay if he hypothetically posted those pictures into the world wide web under a pseudo nickname without his crush's consent? Jeno is afraid of the answer.


Radiance ☀️🐻 

like the longing of one person,

the sunflowers cannot wait for the sun.


2407 Retweets       5029Likes


K ¹²⁷ @suhnnyhyuck replying to @radiance


jeje💕 @bubuhyuckie replying to @radiance

radiance-nim 고마워용!

haegs (haechan legs) @babysunhyuk replying to @radiance

he’s so cute ㅠㅠ im dying radiance-nim! thank you!

[41 more replies]



Jeno grins at the influx of interactions in his mention tab, slowly going through each comment and liking those that make him smile. It's funny how he could relate so easily to Donghyuck’s fans. Donghyuck is indeed cute, and lovely, and sometimes—well, often time —makes Jeno want to die, but like in a good way, you know? In a way that used to feel frustrating, but he learned how to annoy the other boy back, and now it has always been all fun and games to tease each other.

This had started as something simple, something fun that Jeno didn’t think further of its consequences. He never thought he would get this big. After all, there are like hundreds of Donghyuck's fansites out there, he was just adding another small account to the growing pile. Looking back at it, he really should have thought twice— thrice , and plus another 50 times before sending those unseen pictures of red haired Haechan from one of their Boy Video shooting a year after its release. He was surely stupid because how can a fansite who posted unseen pictures of an idol not get noticed by the entire fandom? Now he’s already too involved to ever think of quitting—like having 23k followers kind of too involved. And he hates to admit it, but honestly the process of taking, choosing, and editing Donghyuck’s pictures from his secret stash had been a therapeutic escape for Jeno. Also it’s a way to interact more with their fans through their love for Donghyuck, which is definitely a plus point in Jeno’s dictionary. Anything that involves praising Donghyuck is always an activity he is willing to indulge in his free time.

Out of nowhere, his door is being slammed open so hard that it rattles on its hinges. Jeno’s soul almost jumps out of his body as he hastily tries to close his twitter tab before his butt kisses the floor. Once he's 90% sure that there’s nothing on his desktop, he turns his head to the entrance of his room.

“Jisung what the fuck?” His voice definitely contains some anger, but Jisung is too busy holding himself up from laughing too hard at Jeno’s downfall.

“Hyung,” he stops to take a breather before going back for another round of laugh. “Sorry, I’m sorry! I was just coming in to invite you for a round of the game but you’re—” Jisung just dissolves into laughter again. Jeno rolls his eyes as he sits back down on his chair.

“Yeah, yeah, just set up the game, I’ll come in a few.” Jeno grumbles. His heart is still beating a bit too fast for his liking. He almost got caught for fuck's sake.

“Okay, come quick, Haechan hyung has arrived from his schedule too!” Jeno can feel his insides light up at that.

Jisung sends him an offended pout, “You look way too happy when I mention Haechan hyung and it hurts me! You’re way too obvious, Hyung, it baffles me how dumb he could be sometimes.” Jeno’s jaw drops at how their youngest member just exposed Jeno’s secret crush and at the way Jisung actually looks disappointed at Haechan for not noticing the said obvious feeling. He tries to say something to defend himself, but nothing comes up to his brain. 

“What?” Jisung says defensively, “I told you, you’re the one being too obvious! The whole dorm has a running bet on your head.”

Jeno makes a choking noise at the new information.

“What? What bet? Are you all betting against Jeno without telling me?!” Donghyuck suddenly asks as he appears behind Jisung—fresh out of the shower. His long hair is still dripping droplets of water down the column of his neck, and simply wearing a big white t-shirt and shorts that fall to his mid thighs, shamelessly showcasing his long, long pretty legs. Jeno thinks he properly choked on air this time. He feels faint.

“No,” his voice cracks and he tries to collect himself before speaking again. “No, it’s nothing! They’re not betting against anything.” Hyuck frowns at him before rolling his eyes.

“Jeno, sweetheart, you’re the one they’re betting against, there’s no way they would tell you. Now Jisung-ah, tell Hyung about this little bet,” Hyuck says as he steers Jisung away from Jeno’s room, one hand slung over the youngest's shoulders, effectively preventing him from running away. Jeno watches them leave before slowly exhaling the breath he has been holding. It’s Jisung’s problem now, he’d just hope the boy won’t run his mouth about Jeno’s crush.

“Jeno-yah, hurry up!” Jaemin’s loud voice can be heard echoing around the dorm.

“Give me five minutes!” Jeno yells back as he opens back his closed tab and sends the tweet he had been drafting before Jisung barged into his room.


Radiance ☀️🐻

he was made of sunlight,

sparks-filled, and larger than life.


3915 Retweets       9706Likes




June 7, 2020.

NCT’s Haechan had closed his birthday by celebrating it with his fans all around the world through the VLive app. After a frustrating number of technical mishaps, the beloved vocalists, who had finally turned 21, decided to drop a shocking bomb through his video.

Following the recent conduct of mysterious phone calls that were targeting the majority of NCT members during their lives, it had seemed like an act of both bravery and desperation when the birthday boy finally called out the invasive fans that were lounging right outside of the idols’ dorm. 

“We’re thankful that you love us in many ways, but there are many fans waiting outside the dorm, [. . .] if you like us, you won’t do that.” said the vocalist in a somber tone.

Fans are currently enraged, urging SM Ent., NCT’s entertainment label, to do something about the situation and to protect their artists better. So far there is still no comment from SM Ent., but we can only wish the best for these boys’ future endeavors.


Hanna🌻  @sunglazed replying to @soompi

here’s a blocklist of NCT’s sasaengs, subscribe to it you motherfuckers

mel🐻  @sf_heart_fs replying to @soompi


JOHNNY'S FAMILY✨  @markyhyucky replying to @soompi

nctzens better be ready to protect my sunshine from these motherfuckers if they retaliate for this 

[View more replies]

Jeno throws his phone on his mattress in frustration before taking his glasses off and hardly pressing the heel of his hands to his tired eyes. He regrets his decision to sleep earlier because now he has to wake up to the internet being filled with what is allegedly Haechan’s drunk picture in some random street at night.

It’s not. Donghyuck has never gotten drunk outside of the dorm.

But the fans don’t know that, and the non-fans just love to fuel the fire with more gasoline. 

Jeno gets up from his bed to take a peek through the window in his room. The so called invasive fans are still there, lounging around as if it’s their living room or something. Jeno lets out a groan because not only Donghyuck’s plan of calling them out doesn’t have any impact, but now he’s also dragged under the bus by these same people. Backfired . It’s just putting more stress onto Donghyuck than necessary when he is still in the middle of a comeback promotion. Jeno lets out another frustrated groan before firing up his computer and sends something out as a futile attempt to distract people from the currently circulating picture.


Radiance ☀️🐻

selflessness and bravery,

are they so different?

you love so ferociously it blurs the line.


2713 Retweets       6204Likes



vivi @haechieround ok but oomfs be like FUCK ALL THOSE SSNGS and then retweet a ssng picture :// this is why i have trust issue

987 Retweets         1374Likes


Yukki⁷⁷ @yukichan replying to @haechieround

dont be shy, drop the @

blubu (blue bubu) @tysuhnny replying to @haechieround

the society has progressed past the need for hypocrites, drop the ssng @

vivi @haechieround replying to @tysuhnny

@/radiance :/

[156 Replies       571 Retweets       1390 Likes]

haegs (haechan legs) @babysunhyuk


vivi @haechieround replying to @tysuhnny

@/radiance :/

286 Retweets       529Likes


vivi @haechieround replying to @babysunhyuk

didnt that fansite post unseen pictures of haechan multiple times? Like i dont want to accuse anyone of anything but that sounds like a ssng to me :/ where else could they got that backstage tds haechan picture if not from the staff or them following the boys backstage?

[77 Retweets       85 Likes]



“Jeno! Wake up!”

Jeno’s peaceful slumber officially ended with his phone ringing non stop at some ungodly hours in the morning—10.48 AM, his phone said. By the time he had picked up the relentless call and groaned at the other person on the other side, Hyuck’s voice already flowed through the speaker in a cheery tone. Jeno just groans once again.

“Hyuck, it’s too early.” he grumbles.

“No~” the boy whines and right at that moment Jeno knows he won’t be able to say no to anything Hyuck has planned—not like Jeno has ever been able to say no to Donghyuck. God, he's too whipped.

“Should I invite the others?”

“They said they’re all busy today,” Hyuck says and Jeno buries his head back into his pillow.

“I knew it! No, you can go by yourself, I’m obviously just your last resort.” Jeno teases just to make him beg a little or else it would just be too easy for Donghyuck to win.

"Jeno-yah, please go out with me today, pretty please? My treat, I swear!" Jeno knows Donghyuck doesn't mean it like he wants it to mean, but still his heartbeat spikes up and his cheeks warmed at the words. Lee Donghyuck will truly be the death of him.

He exhales heavily as a means to control his smile—so that it won't be heard through his voice. "Okay, fine."

Jeno can hear the small cheers that Donghyuck lets out and once again the corners of his lips could probably touch his ears. "Okay! We’re eating crab by the way, see you at my dorm!” He says even cheerier than before, if that’s even possible, and swiftly cuts off the line. Jeno lets out a wistful sigh and buries another smile into his pillow, trying his best to not squeal at the prospect of hanging out with Donghyuck—just the two of them.

He gets ready in a record time, subconsciously trying to look both good and casual at the same time. Jeno arrives at Donghyuck’s dorm 20 minutes later, armed with his most charming smile and an empty stomach. Donghyuck can eat better than him and he’s not going to be defeated by marinated raw crab today. It’s okay though, Jeno loves watching Donghyuck eat—loves watching his cheeks filling up and his eyes turn into two happy crescents.

“Let’s go, I’m hungry!” Jeno says right after Donghyuck opens the door. He looks unfairly gorgeous in a plain black t-shirt and dark denim jacket that would probably fall flat on other people. The simplicity only enhances Donghyuck’s golden skin and sharp edges in the best way possible. Jeno almost subconsciously wipes the corner of his mouth, scared if he ends up drooling all over the sight.

“Hello to you too, I thought it’s too early for you.” There’s an amusement that grows inside Donghyuck’s eyes before he swiftly turns his head back into the apartment and yells, “Hyungs, I’m going now!”

There are a few ‘ take care Haechan-ah!’ and ‘okay, be careful!’ being yelled back at him in return, which warms Jeno’s heart. Donghyuck is just so loved.

“Okay, let’s go!” Donghyuck sends him a vibrant grin and swiftly takes Jeno’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers together and swinging their arms back and forth. He can feel his cheeks and ears heats up so quickly, he’s afraid he’d look like a boiled crab. It feels like his heart has jumped right into his throat and made a home there. He forces his legs to move in tandem with Donghyuck’s pace—forces his heart to move in tandem with the one it yearns for the most.


Radiance ☀️🐻

in a world built upon shades of grey,

you glow as bright as the golden sun.


12.7k Retweets       27.3kLikes


M.LEE ♡ @mercykill replying to @radiance


shâ ¹²⁷ @sockjinnius replying to @radiance

master-nim, please leave our haechan’s personal life alone ㅠㅠ

vivi @haechieround replying to @radiance

i told yall 🙄🙄😐😐 leave haechan alone bitch???

[234 more replies]



taeyong in a bun @jenhyucks unpopular opinions!! this is going to sound wild but instead of being sasaeng, what if they r someone close to hyuck?? like lets say,, other members maybe?

2729 Retweets         365Likes

taeyong in a bun @jenhyucks replying to @jehyucks

WHy am i getting ratioed 😫😫


ren🌙 @ten_taeil

now THIS,,, this is fanfiction worthy!!

taeyong in a bun @jenhyucks unpopular opinions!! this is going to sound wild but instead of being sasaeng, what if they r someone close to hyuck?? like lets say,, other members maybe?

86 Retweets       229Likes


vivi @haechieround replying to @ten_taeil

can yall MAYBE PLEASE FOR ONCE stop seeing donghyuck as a mere character in your goddamn fanfiction!! he is a fucking person being stalked ffs

[29 Retweets       83 Likes]


♡♡ @xuxiaibot okay but you don’t fully know if radiance is actually stalking him or not either?? for all we know they could be jaemin??

vivi @haechieround replying to @ten_taeil

can yall MAYBE PLEASE FOR ONCE stop seeing donghyuck as a mere character in your goddamn fanfiction!! he is a fucking person being stalked ffs

175 Retweets       473Likes


eel-nim ♡🌸🐰 @xingowo replying to @xuxiaibot

my money’s on renjun

@scammerjaem replying to @xuxiaibot and @xingowo

okay but what if it’s jeno??? the man’s in love Love

🌻 @hoshitigersona replying to @xuxiaibot

schrodinger’s sasaeng

[13 Retweets       38 Likes]


johnny seoft @taeyongseo can people maybe stop blowing things out of proportion? why are you all fighting on the lysn board where the boys can See?? Embarrassing.

1563 Retweets         4629Likes


Melissa💖 @Tinywriterfairy replying to @taeyongseo

yikes, i guess we’re getting another vlive so they could sort our mess out

[193 more replies]


m.🌸 | IN生 @baojaewin i hate it here

2639 Retweets       5830Likes



Today Donghyuck wakes up to a shiny Sunday. The curtain to the window in their room has been opened by Johnny for God knows how long because Johnny always wakes up earlier than the rest of the dorm. Donghyuck can feel the corners of his lips widening though, he loves the feelings of waking up to a warm and toasty blanket. Or maybe it’s just the residual happiness from his hang out with Jeno.

Yesterday was so nice. He spent the entire day with Jeno, from having a very fulfilling lunch to renting a bike for two people and just cycling their way around the track, enjoying their time together until they came back to 127’s dorm. Jeno had stayed a bit longer for a few Overwatch sessions and dinner before finally bidding his goodbye just a few hours before midnight because Doyoung had started nagging. Donghyuck was left feeling all joyful and just so lighthearted that he ended up chatting all night with Johnny about the nothings and the everythings of their life—about Jeju-do and Chicago, about friends and families, about attainable dreams and lingering regrets, all about the future and the past.

And as he burrows himself back into his bedsheet, Donghyuck knows he hasn’t felt this free for a while. The smile on his face is honestly quite embarrassing and he sure hopes Johnny won’t come inside their shared room until he can control this fluttery feelings in his chest.

When Donghyuck finally comes out for his late breakfast, Johnny is already perched on the long sofa—they bought that particular sofa so that it could cater to Johnny’s height—in old t-shirts and sweatpants. He looks so cozy, lying across the sofa and scrolling over things in his phone. He decides to bother his hyung first thing in the morning, food can wait.

“Morning, Hyung!’ Hyuck says as he walks over to Johnny and drapes his body across his bandmate’s body, arms wrapping around the wide torso and refusing to let go until he gets his hugs. Johnny lets a small oof before winding his long arms around Donghyuck’s middle, squeezing the younger so tightly he almost couldn’t breathe. Johnny simply laughs as Donghyuck whines for mercy.

“Morning, Hyuck,” he finally says in between breathless laughs as he lets Donghyuck free. “Go have some breakfast.”

Donghyuck is delighted when he finds a full pot of kimchi jjigae on their stove, ready for the members to devour. Johnny disappears into their room as Hyuck enjoys his breakfast, only coming out a few minutes later, looking like he's ready to go out.

"I'm going out with Jae, Hyuck. Please tell Taeyong for me."

"Yeah sure," he says with his mouth still half full, which makes Johnny wince a little.

"Oh right, I think you should check your lysn while I'm out." There's a strange type of amusement growing in Johnny's eyes which catches Hyuck's attention.

"Uh? Okay?" he says, voice rising in confusion Johnny just laughs a little. "What are you hiding, Hyung?”

“Nothing! Just you know, it’s Sunday ! Okay, I’m going now, bye!”

Hyuck stares at his half eaten breakfast as he thinks what Johnny could have meant. The only thing that’s up on Sunday is just the usual fan’s scheduled fight. He can feel his heart drop into his stomach at the prospect of becoming the center of another fight between the fans—but Johnny’s laughing, so it wouldn’t be that bad, right?



Once finished with his breakfast and cleaning the dishes, Hyuck power walks to his room, turns on his computer, and unplugs his phone from its charger. Once he has landed on the Dream’s lysn board, his phone keeps firing up notifications as almost all the messages are addressed to him and the rest of the 00 line.




for: 햬찬

Haechan-ah are you okay? The ssng are not hurting you, are they? ㅠㅠ Haechan please take care




for: 해찬

please tell radiance to stay away from you ㅠㅠ




the radiance fansite master must be one of you right? ㅋㅋㅋ 




for: Radiance-nim (라디안-님)

master-nim!! thank you so much for all the haechan boyfriend pictures you gave us!! ㅋㅋㅋ


Honestly, Donghyuck doesn’t understand a thing of what he read, all he catches is about a fansite master— his fansite—that is also a sasaeng, but also his members? What? He decides to go to twitter and have a little research about the said problematic fansite. Typing in Radiance Haechan is enough to bring him to the fansite’s account and also to all of the discourse that people are having. After snooping for a few minutes, he kind of gets the big picture of the problem, and it shocks him how the first picture of the fansite is when he was eating with Jeno yesterday.

Maybe he is indeed being stalked.

At first, he feels strange because as he looks at the account, it’s obvious how the fansite is not in this for money. There is no single tweet about their own brand of season greetings and merchandises. However, the account owner has also never replied to any other fans. The account has 23k followers and not one single interaction—also they don’t have a lot of pictures for a two year old account. 287 tweets of Haechan’s pictures for the past two year; now this catches Hyuck’s attention because business is business, and there’s no way only 287 pictures of Lee Haechan would hook twenty three thousands people into one fansite. He wonders how good the pictures are.


Radiance ☀️🐻

as the stars belong to the sky,

you belong to the stage.


7209 Retweets       18.3kLikes


Radiance ☀️🐻

the compass that i saw in my dreams

i know now that it’s you


13.2k Retweets       30.7kLikes


Radiance ☀️🐻

you are a wish upon a star

and i am a mortal, drunk on the idea of love.


3927 Retweets       8263Likes


Radiance ☀️🐻

how could god create a boy so vibrant,

and not expect everyone to fall in love with him?


957 Retweets       2263Likes


He stops and stares at the displayed tweet in front of him. It’s the first picture that the fansite has ever posted.The numbers of retweets and likes are still very little if he compared it to the latest tweets. He is absolutely aware about how warm his face is, all of the photos and the captions are very nice—Donghyuck understands why the fans are calling it his boyfriend pictures . They are always simple, edited in a way that made them look even more raw than the unedited— candid. These pictures, somehow, grow something inside the cavity of his chest. Something warm, something that makes him feel real and tangible, something that makes him feel seen —as if these pictures are about Lee Donghyuck instead of Lee Haechan. 

However, the first picture strikes him in the guts deeper than the rest because he recognizes this picture. The picture clearly showcases his fiery red hair. His skin was golden and glowing under the summer’s sunlight. His smile was so wide and bright—as if nothing could ever defeat him, as if he could overcome anything that tomorrow would bring. And Donghyuck understands why this is the one that brought attention to the fansite account. Not to flatter himself, but he would honestly give up almost everything that he has right now, only to be able to look like that again.

how could god create a boy so vibrant ?

There’s a lump that’s growing rapidly in his throat because he knows this picture—knows the only person who possessed this exact photo of him. Donghyuck remembered feeling so carefree that day, spending his time making shitty videos with his 6 other friends. And when he was asked to pose out of nowhere, he just summoned his biggest smile—a smile so true and honest that his heart constricts looking back at it now—to be captured by the camera.

Jeno’s camera.

Donghyuck can feel the rapid beating of his heart, feeling it swell ten times bigger than his chest capacity. He feels like combusting. There are so many feelings brewing inside his body, to the point that he can feel tears brimming in his eyes, falling slowly as a soft chuckle is drawn from his tight throat.

“Lee Jeno, you bastard,” he croaks, voice cracking as he starts scrolling upward once again—this time slower in order to absorb everything that Jeno wants to convey through his pictures. He wants to understand the Lee Donghyuck that is seen through Jeno’s eyes—the Lee Donghyuck that is vibrant, that belongs to the star, that is bigger than life itself, that is brave, and selfless, and loved.

Donghyuck wants to know it all.

His heart aches at how his smile has changed the more he scrolls through Jeno's pictures—he mellowed out. He matured so much in a span of two years and Donghyuck doesn't know whether to like it or not, but the lens which captures him never changes. Jeno captures him in his realest moments—eyes sparkling as he's looking at marinated raw crab, skin glowing under the afternoon sun near the Han river, track of tears running down his cheeks on the stage as Mark graduated. And he realizes why it feels real—because Jeno grew up with him. The rose tinted lens had also changed somewhere along the way to capture Donghyuck's core—honest, true, like a simple crush that blooms into a field of fondness.

And as Donghyuck reaches the latest tweet of Radiance, there's a small bar of notification sitting right at the top.


1 New Tweet

Radiance ☀️🐻

and if i said the words i've been wanting to,

would you also condemn me?


4374 Retweets       9239Likes


It's Donghyuck's picture, being taken from his back as he walks across the street. It's very simple, colored in black and white and focuses solely on him. The people in the background are edited as if they're moving very quickly—as if the world moves at double speed—and then there's Donghyuck, suspended in time, unmoving.

His heart clenches. There's something awfully melancholic with the picture and the caption only adds to the growing pain of longing. It makes him think about the hurtful words that are being thrown away so carelessly by the fans, about a certain moon-eyed boy that hides behind an anonymous account, just so that he could pour his feelings out. And his heart yearns for the boy who has always worn his heart on his sleeve. There's a sense of urgency filling him to be certain that Radiance is Jeno—that there's a place for his yearning heart to settle.

A home for his restless heart to come back to, and maybe someday he'd be able to smile as bright as Radiance's first post.


Radiance ☀️🐻




Jeno once again jumps from his computer seat as the door to his room is being slammed open until it rattles on its hinges. This time it's Donghyuck instead of Jisung, and to his horror his reflexes aren't quick enough to close the Twitter tab from his computer screen. His eyes train on Donghyuck's closing figure, wincing a little as his friend's gaze flicks to his computer for a few seconds. And Jeno knows that Hyuck knows when there's not even a slight surprise that is painted on his face at the computer display. He's not really sure what kind of outcome that would entail Donghyuck knowing about his one little secret, but there's a small part inside his brain that sighs in relief. After all, he deserves to know—whether it's about his secret fansite or about his secret feelings, Donghyuck deserves to know.

The boy stops right in front of him—Jeno has to look up slightly as he's still in his computer chair— Donghyuck's eyes lock with him in a menacing glare, his hands holding the chair in place, trapping Jeno in between his extended arms. Jeno, hopeless as ever, can feel his heart grappling to hold onto the edge of his feelings, just so that he doesn't drown into the soft pool of brown.

"Have you read what's happening on Lysn?" 

Jeno tilts his head to the side slightly at the question before nodding. He has seen the discourse. That's the exact reason for his latest post because for a second he feels like it's the time to let Radiance go. He had thought about this somewhere in the past, what he would do if Radiance ever went wrong. He had promised himself to close the fansite and come clean to Donghyuck, so that’s what he’s currently trying to do right now.

“Is it true then?” Donghyuck asks again in a softer tone.

And Jeno doesn’t want to say it, wants to stall it for as long as he could because he doesn’t know if Donghyuck would get mad at him or mock him about it for the rest of his life. Both would definitely leave his heart in shatters. He wants to postpone the heartbreak just a little bit longer, still wants to taste a little of forever with Donghyuck in his life.

"What's true?"

Jeno can see the frustration in Donghyuck's eyes, but he knows how hard he would work for something that he wants. Donghyuck is both too stubborn and resilient when he wants to be. It's one of the reasons that he's still here, that they're still here as a group of seven.

"That you are Radiance." It comes out as a statement and Jeno can't refute the truth.

"Yes," he says in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry—"

"Is it also true then?" Donghyuck cuts off his apologies. He elaborates before Jeno could voice his confusion, "Whatever you write on there—that I'm brave, and selfless, and vibrant, that I'm larger than life? What you've written as Radiance, is it true? Do you mean it?"

There's a slight desperation that Jeno can pick up in Donghyuck's tone—as if this is an urgent matter, as if he would crack if Jeno says no. And Jeno—when has he ever said no to Donghyuck?

"Every single word. You are everything that I've ever written and more ."

"Then say it." Donghyuck's grip in his chair tightens, despite the gentle tone that he's using. "Say the words you've been wanting to." His voice is filled with so much conviction, it almost compels Jeno to just serve his heart on a silver platter just for him.

"Would you condemn me?" Jeno just has to ask to ease the heavy atmosphere or else he would choke on air and look even dumber in front of his crush. And Hyuck bites the bait, eyes twinkling in a short lasting amusement before it changes into an even more intense gaze. Maybe Jeno has dug his own grave because Donghyuck closes the distance between them as a response. One knee climbing into the small space between Jeno's thighs, he's so close that Jeno can feel his breath.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Jeno-yah?" There's a smirk growing on Hyuck's lips, voice dripping with so much honey that Jeno wants to melt. If Donghyuck could purr, he would.

Jeno is so wrapped around Donghyuck's fingers. He groans and drops his forehead on Donghyuck's shoulder, hiding his embarrassingly red face from view.

"I like you. I've liked you for years. I really, really like you, Donghyuck." He can feel his cheeks getting even hotter, but Donghyuck just puts a hand on his nape and moves his head away from his hiding place. Their eyes lock once again. All the mirth and teasing have been erased from Donghyuck's face, only leaving him with a joyful and gentle expression—eyes sparkling, the corner of his lips lifting up slightly.

"Good," he says before removing the glasses from Jeno's eyes in a swift motion and leaning in very closely. Suddenly, Jeno's lips are encased in a softer pair of lips, and he can do nothing but to close his eyes and give back into the kiss. It's nowhere near gentle and innocent, the way their lips are molding together. Donghyuck kisses the way he dances, with fervor and the perfect amount of ardor—smooth and efficient, Jeno can’t get enough of it. He doesn’t know how his kiss feels like, but he hopes he keeps up with Donghyuck, enough to keep the other intrigued and on his toes.

The moment they part for air, Jeno almost prays for God to substitute his life sustenance with Donghyuck’s lips. You don’t create a boy filled with so much ardor and expect Jeno to not fall in love. 

Donghyuck giggles, hiding his face in the juncture between Jeno’s neck and shoulder, and keeps giggling for a few seconds before moving to pepper kisses on Jeno’s cheeks and neck.

God, Jeno is so in love.

“You’re so dumb for the fansite move, but I like you too, Lee Jeno.”

Jeno laughs a little, “I know, I just closed the account before you barged in. I was going to come to you and confess about everything.”

Donghyuck giggles again, “It’s okay, I’m flattered that you love me that much to make a fansite account just for me. But the company might find you, and then you’ll get fired before I can give you more kisses, and we both don’t want that.” He climbs higher into the chair and slots his legs into the hole in the armrests, plopping down to sit straight on Jeno’s lap, arms circling Jeno’s neck.

Jeno’s heart is doing some gymnastic somersault inside his chest, despite the way his arms move to casually rest around Donghyuck’s hips. This way he could take a proper look on Donghyuck’s face and is delighted in the blush that sits high on the apple of his cheeks. Jeno can’t resist kissing them away.

“Say it again,” Donghyuck says, voice almost sounding shy. And Jeno grins because he’d love to scream it for the world to hear.

“I like you. I like you so much it’s unreal.”

Donghyuck’s eyes sparkle in delight. Jeno almost wishes that he has his camera in hand just to capture this moment and keep it as a memento of their life. He tightens his embrace in Donghyuck’s waist instead.

“Kiss me again,” Donghyuck says and like every other time in their life, Jeno obeys.



Radiance ☀️🐻

dear summerchild,

your lips taste like the ocean. 



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