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I Don't Remember Me (Before You)

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You'd been here for three years. Three long years. You were grateful for the shelter and the safety but sometimes you wondered if it was worth the pain it caused you. Sometimes you think life outside of here was easier. It sure as hell was more simple. You'd proven your worth quickly. You were strong, confident in your abilities and didn't fear much things now. You rose through the ranks quickly and even quicker when you saved the boss' life after an accident when a floor collapsed in when you were out scavenging. You were just behind the second hand man now. Who turned into your closest friend. That's how you ended up here. Sitting in the open cafeteria area eating your porridge while Simon natters on about something you tuned out five minutes ago. He's eccentric, smart but definitely on another level to anyone else. 

"Are you even listening to me?' Simon grumbled.

"Honestly? I tuned you out when you started talking about id, ego and super-ego. Like what the shit, Si?" You groaned.

"Freud's psychoanalytic theory may be more important that ever, you know. Apocalypse's bring out the best in people." He grinned before shovelling an overfull spoon of porridge into his mouth.

"Or the worst." You made a disgusted face at him.

"Shut up," He mumbled before swallowing, "I know you love me." 

"Clearly I have a brain tumour."

"Won't you be pissed when Carson comes back and tells you, you do. Manifestation, Y/N." He raised his eyebrows, "Put that energy out there..."

"Fuck, Simon. What were you reading last night?" You snorted.

"I may have stumbled upon a self-help section in a store on the last scavenge."

You laughed, shaking your head. "That's some true Simon bullshit there." 

He grinned before digging back into his porridge. You let your eyes take you away from that sight and you landed on an all black clad figure leaning over the rails watching over the cafeteria. Negan. His leather jacket and red scarf with Lucille hanging by his side. His classic look. You watched as a scantily clad Sherry in her tight black dress shimmied up to Negan. She slid her paw up over his shoulder and leaned in to him, pushing her breasts at him as she whispered in his ear, eliciting a smirk from the man himself. You hated her. You envied her. 

"Which one is it today?" Simon asked, quietly.

"Sherry." You grumbled, stabbing at your porridge with the spoon.

"You know, you need to get over him. Let someone fuck it out you." He grinned.

"Why are you offering?" You grinned back.

"God no, you're like my sister now. I'm kinky but I don't think I could get my dick up for that."

"Are you calling me the ugly sister?" You mocked him.

"Oh no, you're smokin', really but I like what we have going here." He waved his hand between the two of you.

"I'm kidding, Si. I think it's just gonna take time." You mumbled, flicking you gaze back at Negan.

You froze for a minute, unable to avert your gaze. Sherry was still pressed against him, whispering something in his ear while her hand roamed up his neck and back down. What caught you off guard was that Negan's eyes were staring directly at you. After a moment he looked away and pushed Sherrie away from him, dismissing her quickly with the flick of his fingers. He swung Lucille up onto his shoulder and made his way down to the floor. immediately everyone left their seats and kneeled as he made their way by them. 

"He's coming." You said to Simon.

You were both exempt from kneeling when it wasn't something important like Negan showing everyone who's boss. So you both stayed in your chairs. Negan slipped into the chair next to Simon, patting his hand on Simon's shoulder. 

"So, what were we talking about?" Negan grinned, his beautiful toothy smile. 

"Oh you know, just about how Y/N needs a good hard fucking." Simon grinned his maniac smile at you.

You kicked him hard under the table and glared furiously at him, your eyes flicked to Negan's and his smile had fallen a little. 

"...and were you offering her, Simon?" Negan asked, you could see his hand tighten painfully on Simon's shoulder. 

"God no, no way." Simon shook his head.

"What, you think our Y/N isn't hot?" Negan cocked his head.

"No, isn't that. Just she's my friend. Don't really go around fucking my friends, do I? I mean, you and I have never fucked." Simon made eye contact with Negan.

"Simon, are you coming on to me?" Negan asked, quizzical. 

"No, no, I'm making a fact." He shrugged, "Don't fuck your friends." 

Negan shook his head. Sometimes I think we were all dumbfounded with what comes out of Simon's mouth sometimes. Negan turned his attention to you, leaning over the table.

"Is there no-one here in the sanctuary you deem able enough to give you that good hard fucking you so apparently need?" He smirked at you.

"I don't need any fucking. Really." You looked down at your porridge, "Simon's just being an idiot."

"That's nothing new though, is it?" Negan replied, "I haven't seen you with any man around here apart from this weird bastard." Negan slapped Simon on the shoulder.

"That's because I'm not interested in anyone here." You lied.

"Damn, doesn't she know how to put our egos down, brother." Negan chuckled lowly. 

"You've got your wives to raise it back up for you." It came out your mouth before your brain had time to process it.

Simon's body froze. His face screamed that I had just fucked up. Negan's playful expression shifted slightly. You knew never to comment on things with Negan, his ego or his wives. It was a touchy subject for anyone to approach. Let alone you, with your jealousy and anger. Negan was uncomfortably quiet for a long time, you couldn't help but flick your eyes up to him. He was staring at you. There was no anger in his face, more as if he was trying to figure you out. Negan could read people better than anyone you'd ever met. 

"Well, Simon. We'll just have to find someone worthy of getting her that fucking. She's clearly getting grouchy in her horny state." He stared you out, a small sly smile on his lips. 

"Find her a tall, dark, older man that's gonna take control of her and she'll be all over that thing, the little horndog she is." 

You kicked him again hard under the table, he actually grunted this time. You couldn't believe he was selling you out like this. To Negan! He's definitely going to pick up on that now. There was no hiding behind that statement.

"Well, we haven't much of those with a set of balls on them." Negan stroked his stubble, sticking his tongue to the edge of his lips as he sometimes would. "Are you looking for your daddy?" He asked you.

Fuck. You were blushing now. What the fuck. You were in the deep end, surrounded by fucking sharks. Simon looked as if he was going to choke on his held back laughter. Fucking choke, you bastard you thought

"Oh, you totally are, aren't you?" Negan laughed, "Simon, we have a dirty little girl here." 

"Well on that note. I'm going to work." You grabbed your porridge bowl and took it to the containers for them to be washed. 

You were fucking mortified. You were going to kick Simon in the balls so hard when you saw him next he'd be walking bow legged for the rest of his life. Negan knew. Negan fucking knew you wanted him and he'd finally read you well enough to pull your dirty little secret from you without you even speaking. Right there in front of your best friend. You were well and royally fucked. You pushed up the stairs and down the hall to your room. It was quieter here as only the respected and trusted saviours had rooms here, as it was the same hallway Negan's was on. You pushed open your door and slammed it behind you. Maybe you could get away with hiding in here until you rotted away. A knock sounded at your door and before you could speak, in walked Negan. 

"You know, if you wanted me...all you had to do was say so. There's plenty of me for everyone. My wives won't even complain." He grins at you.

"I'm not going to have sex with you, Negan." You sighed, not looking at him.

"Why? Clearly you want me and you know I can give you the things you want. No-one calls me daddy here. That shit makes my dick hard." He grinned.

"I'm not having sex with you, Negan. I'll kill walkers for you, I'll kill people for you. I'll save your ass when it needs saving but that's as far at this goes." You snapped.

"Watch your tone. Remember who the fuck you're talking to." Negan was directly in front of you, his deep voice hard as he growled at you.

"I'm...I'm sorry." You mumbled. 

"Darling, me fucking you won't change shit, if that what you're worried about?" He grasped your chin and forced you to look at him. "You are my badass lady, I won't put you in a room in a skimpy as fuck dress and make you wait for me. That would such a waste on your other talents." 

"I'm not worried about that." You told him.

You didn't want to be that kind of wife, you knew that. But that's not what stopped you from taking that extra step. 

"Then tell me what is, so I can hurry up to getting my girl to scream my name." He said gently, stroking your chin with his finger. 

"I can't have sex with you." You whispered.

"Why? Are you sewn up or something?" He grinned.

You let out a short laugh, "No, I'm not sewn up." 

"Then tell me, god." He stressed, "just be honest with me." 

You sighed, paused then spoke, "I can't have sex with you because I'm jealous."

Negan stared at you, trying to understand your words, "What the fuck does that even mean?" 

"I can't have sex with you because if I do, I won't want to stop and I couldn't put up with sharing you." You closed your eyes. 

Negan let go of your face and stepped back. He was frowning hard. He ran his hand over his face and sighed heavily. You wished you could read his mind. 

"Can't we just go back to before this mornings conversation?" You asked. 

"Too damn late for that now." Negan grunted. 

"You were the one that fucking pushed me for this, okay." You snapped at him.

"Watch your fucking tongue." Negan growled back. 

"No, you pressure me into revealing my personal shit, talk about my sex life and preferences in front of my best friend then chase me here to my fucking room and demand why I won't fuck you and then get upset with me because my reasons are the fucking sensible and normal one?" You lost it. You were dead after this. You could already imagine Lucille caving your skull in.

You were grabbed by the throat and shoved hard into the wall behind you. "You do not want to fuck with me." Negan swore, darkly. After a pause, his grip loosened, "well actually you do."

He leaned in and trailed the point of his nose from your jaw line up to your temple, making you bite your lip to hold in any noises you were afraid to make. He rested his forehead on your temple and you could hear his breathing was laboured. 

"You want me to give all my wives up, to be with you?" He asked, his tone normal with no animosity.

You didn't reply, verbally or physically. You remained still with your eyes screwed shut while letting his smell of leather and cedar wood fill your senses. You knew Negan wouldn't give anything up. Why have one woman when you can have five. 

"Cause I will if you ask me to." He murmured against your cheek. "All I've wanted in a long fucking time is to have you. The more I got to know you, the more I got to trust you, I realised none of those other women mean shit when you are in comparison." 

"I don't understand..." You whimpered. Yes you couldn't believe you fucking whimpered.

"What I mean is when I'm with you, fighting out there or talking here, It's made me feel shit I didn't ever think I'd feel again since Lucille died."

You knew about Lucille, the real Lucille, his dead wife. Negan spoke about her briefly sometimes when he was on the runs with you or when he'd had too much whiskey. You knew how important she was to him. 

"You can't say stuff like that just to get me to have sex with you." You sighed. 

"I'm telling you the fucking truth, darling." He whispered against your ear before kissing along your jaw line.

"Okay..." You breathed out as if it was just that simple...but it was, "Okay." 

"Just let me, let daddy make you feel good." Trailing kisses toward your mouth.

You couldn't hold back the groan as you felt your stomach flutter. You were definitely growing heat down between your legs. You needed to be touched soon or you felt as if you would combust into flames. It had been years. Years since you felt someone else's touch. 

"Tell me I can," Negan pressed in to you, you could feel how hard he was on your hip, "Tell daddy he can."

"You can." You pleaded, "Please, you can."

"Tell me properly, darling." He rolled his hips into you as his hand trailed down your waist.

"Daddy, please, you can." 

"Fuck." Negan cursed, crashing his lips into yours. 

His hand followed round your stomach and one handedly undid your belt and the button on your jeans before he slipped his hand down your panties and cupped you.

"Fuck, baby, you are so wet." He moaned against your lips. 

One of your arms wrapped around his head and you grabbed the back of his head to deepen the kiss, while your other hand grabbed his bicep of his arm that was in your pants. He wasted no time in parting you and dipping his fingers in your core. You gasped into the kiss. He made quick motion of his fingers until you were breaking the kiss and crying out against his mouth. Negan removed his hand from your pants and pulled you up onto him, your legs resting either side of his hips. He turned and carried you to the bed before letting you fall down gently. He kicked off his boots and threw his leather jacket and scarf down to the floor. Falling back down on top of you, he claimed your mouth again before he trailing down your neck, nipping gently. 

"This off. Now." He growled, pulling your top up.

You lifted your arms and he pulled it off and threw it to the floor behind him. He leaned down, working his mouth over your breasts that weren't covered with your bra before unhooking it and flinging that back somewhere with your t-shirt too. He brought your nipple into his mouth and swirled his tongue around until it was a hard nub and he bit down on it. You groaned. back arching into it. 

"Shit, darling, you are so fucking responsive." He groaned before doing the same to your other nipple and receiving the same reaction.

He then slowly made his way down, trailing kisses down your stomach until he pulled back and grabbed the top of your jeans and pants and in one skilled movement tore them down to your feet. You had your boots on. He growled and made quick work of tearing at the laces and throwing everything else behind him too.

"Fuck, you are so fresh. Look at you." He was staring at you, full of want.

He began to trail kisses up your legs, jumping from one to the other. His large hands spread open your legs for him and he trailed the kisses on the inside of your thigh. 

"Tell daddy what you want from him." He nipped at your thigh making you jump.

"Please, please touch me." You moaned.

"You can do better than that..." You could feel his kisses turn into a grin.

"Touch me. Put your mouth on me..." You begged.

"Try harder, baby." He chuckled.

"Fuck, daddy please put your mouth on me, taste me. Touch me." You wriggled and whined.

He was on you in a second. His tongue flicking over your most sensitive area making you jolt and grab his hair in your hands. His fingers trailed over your flesh and dipped two into you immediately. There was nothing slow about him. He was fast and thorough. Building you higher and higher and you thought you might just explode. You bit you arm to prevent your volume increasing. 

Negan pulled his mouth from you, "Don't you dare be fucking quiet. Let daddy hear you. Let everyone know daddy is making you feel good."

You let your arm fall back to his head and you couldn't prevent the moans of pleasure escaping you.

"Negan, fuck, oh my god." You cried, "Daddy please, right there...I'm going to cum."

You were so grateful Negan kept up his relentless pace with his tongue and fingers, he never changed the angle and just kept bringing you closer...and closer... and....

You convulsed hard, no sound escaping you, you bent back then near up into a sitting position and pulled hard at Negan's hair, "Fuck, oh fuck, Daddy!" You finally cried, bending back down to the bed.

Negan slowly finished off and removed his mouth and hand from you, he crawled up your body, grinning happily to himself as he dipped down to kiss you. His face was wet and you tasted yourself on his mouth. You pushed him back by his shoulders.

"Let me, let me taste you." You asked, breathless.

"Well shit, baby, if I put my dick in your mouth right now, I wouldn't fucking last. I need to be in you. Right fucking now."

You nodded, pulling him into a kiss as you tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. He allowed you to remove it before dipping down to kiss you again. He ground his denim clad dick against your bare mound and groaned deep into your mouth. You felt as if it caused your whole body to vibrate. He pulled back and shimmied so far out of his jeans and boxers and kicked them off to the end of the bed. You stared at him. He was thick and just above average and he stood proud out of his trimmed back dark curls. You couldn't resist and wrapped your hand around his girth and moved your hand up and down a few times. Negan's head fell back as he was on his knees, as if he was staring at the roof and let out a groan.

"Baby, let daddy in you." He growled, leaning over you he hooked your thigh over his hip. "Fuck, I need to be in you."

"Yes, Negan, I wanna feel you.” You groaned.

"Shit." Negan groaned.

Negan grabbed a hold of himself and positioned himself at your entrance and sank into you in one fluid motion. You arched back, gasping loudly and Negan bit into your neck. Fuck, it's been so long since you felt this full. Negan pulled back and snapped his hips forward making you gasp out again.

"Fuck. You are so damn tight on my dick baby, you are gripping me like I belong in there." He panted against your neck.

"That's because you do, daddy." You mewled back.

"Damn right I fucking do." He snapped his hips hard into you, again and again, "Only me, only your daddy is allowed here."

You wrapped your legs around his hips and your arms around his shoulders and he began to set a relentless pace. The room filled with the sound of skin slapping, your increasing gasps and moans and the sound of your mental bed frame groaning in protest.

"Tell me, tell me who you fucking belong to." Negan growled.

"You." You gasped, breathless from the force of his thrusts.

"Make me believe it." He snapped.

"You, daddy! All of me belongs to you, Negan." You cried.

”Yes, you fucking do.” He growled. 

You were building again, that euphoric feeling was climbing.

"Oh yes, Negan. Please fuck." You called.

Negan took his hand from your breast he’d been gripping and kneading and started rubbing your clit furiously with expertise fingers. You were brought so much closer. The pleasure was all consuming and you couldn't do anything but hold on and cry out.

"I'm gonna come again, fuck, fuck I'm gonna c-" You cried out, past words now.

"Come on daddy's cock. Fuck, baby come for me."

You felt the pleasure hit you like a tsunami and you silently screamed while all you could do was allow your body to be wrecked with full body tremors and pleasure.

"Yes, shit, that's it, come for me." He groaned in your ear, “Fuck, you are pulling me in so tight.” 

Negan removed his hand and put his hand under your body and up until he was grabbing your shoulders and with all the force he could muster he thrust into you so hard you felt all consumed by him. Every grunt and groan he made set you off again and you started trying to push back onto his dick.

"Shit, yes baby. Ride daddy's cock.” He groaned.

He was so close himself. He couldn’t believe how tight you were. Gripping onto him and barely letting him go. 

“You want me to come in you? You want me to fill you up?" He groaned into your neck.

"Negan, fuck please. Yes. yes come in me." You moaned in reply, fucking yourself back onto him.

Negan groaned loud, slapping hard into you. You don't think you'll ever walk the same after today. After a few more minutes his pace unrelenting and never slowing. He began to make more noise.

"I'm not gonna last longer," He moaned, grabbing onto your jaw he looked deep into your eyes, "I'm gonna come in you, fuck, baby."

"Do it, really make me yours Negan." You panted back at him.

"Fuck! Shit, oh fuck, I'm gonna come, Fuck..." He leaned down and claimed your mouth in a rough kiss.

His hips started stuttering, once, twice and finally he thrust hard into you and ground himself in further. The kiss stopped but his lips never left yours as his mouth dropped open wide and he groaned into your mouth loudly whilst panting hard. 

All that was left in the room were the sounds of both of you breathing heavily and and the occasional moan from one of you. After a moment, Negan pulled his softening cock from you and rolled over so he was on his side facing you. He grabbed your chin and forced your head to turn to him. Claiming your mouth in a deep, all consuming kiss before breaking apart. His hair was soaked with sweat and he was still breathing hard but he was smiling wide at you. You knew you looked exactly the same, if not flushed all over too.

"Fuck." He groaned.

"Yeah..." you replied, breathless. 

"You are so tight. It's like you were made for my cock." He stroked his hand down your cheek, your neck.

"I think I was." You smiled back.

he grinned, leaning in to peck you on the lips.

"Who was I before you?" He murmured quietly before leaning in and claiming your mouth in a passionate, slow and loving kiss.