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Bad Birthday

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Sunday, September 20, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

So... did you get laid?

Impatiently awaiting your response,

Ginny Weasley
Party Pimp

P.S. Belated Happy Birthday!

…...........................

 

Sunday, September 20, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Are you mad at me? Or are you just tied up in the kinky way?

Imagining furry, pink handcuffs,

Ginny Weasley
Faithful Confidante

…...........................

 

Sunday, September 20, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

I'm sorry we didn't make it back in time for your party. The game went into overtime and, well, you know how that goes. Well, I guess you don't know since you've never understood Quidditch, but anyway, we just got back this morning. I have a horrid hangover, but I wanted to check in. Because I'm a good friend like that. Hope you had a good birthday—meaning hope you got laid!

Your well-meaning friend,

Ginny Weasley
Helpless Quidditch Fanatic

P.S. Harry and Ron said to tell you they are sorry, too, and that they hope you had a happy birthday. They're too big of wusses to write to you themselves.

…...........................

 

Sunday, September 20, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Come on, I said I was sorry. I have to know. Did you get laid or didn't you?

Dying of curiosity,

Ginny Weasley
The Nosiest Witch of Her Age

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Okay, I've been through the whole invitation list, and no one I talked to admitted to having sex with you. The only three I couldn't get a response from were Cormac, Seamus and Malfoy. Please tell me you had sex with one of them.

Never giving up,

Ginny Weasley
Super Sleuth

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Fred and George,

Thank you for the wand and the cake. They were delicious. Just out of curiosity, did you ever find a spell that worked for getting icing out of inappropriate places?

With sincere thanks,

Hermione Granger
Satisfied Birthday Girl

P.S. The Wonder Wand also works as an excellent drink mixer. You should put that on the package.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Delicious? Are you sure you used the wand appropriately?

Doubley troubley yours,

Fred & George Weasley
Wonder Twins

P.S. Icing needs to be removed manually. Want some help?

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Fred & George,

I think I can say with absolute certainty that I used it quite inappropriately.

Thanks again,

Hermione Granger
Wonder Witch

 

P.S. No.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

I'm so sorry! Fred and George told me you enjoyed their gift and now I feel horrible that you had to spend your birthday with only one of their crappy products for company. I promise I'll make this up to you. We'll throw you another birthday party this coming Saturday. I've already started a guest list with the second stringers. Don't worry! I'm on the job!

Ciao for now,

Ginny Weasley
Redeemed Party Planner

P.S. That wizard that you thought was dead is actually alive. Maybe I should add him to the new list.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Editor of the Daily Prophet,

I insist on a retraction. I am not dead. I have missed several social invitations as a result of this egregious error. Quit ruining my chances at love.

Still kicking,

Dedalus Diggle
SND/W (Single Non-Dead Wizard)

P.S. Can you move my obituary to the singles section?

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Ginny,

No! Do not throw me another party. The party you already threw for me really sucked, and I don't need another one. You are maybe the worst party planner in the entire world. The decorations were tacky. The locale, which, by the way, I heard that you didn't even have to pay for, you cheap bitch, had some sort of infestation. And while the cake was pretty good, I think the party games may have scarred me for life. You obviously put very little time and effort into planning my birthday party. The fact that you couldn't even be bothered to show up pretty much says it all. My birthday was so bad, I can't even put what happened down on parchment. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you. I'm glad I came. Like really, really glad I came. Like five times over glad I came.

Grudgingly grateful,

Hermione Granger
Sex Goddess

P.S. The rumors were true. Malfoy really is a sex god! Five year dry spell OVER!!!!!!

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

I told you so! Good thing I got Harry out of the way so he didn't scare off Malfoy. You're lucky I'm selfless like that. Quidditch was awesome, by the way. Did I mention we had box seats! I want all of the slutty details next time I see you.

Always right,

Ginny Potter
Matchmaker Extraordinaire

P.S. Harry seems oddly happy about the news. You should bring Malfoy to Sunday dinner.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Smith,

Mental breakdown over thirtieth birthday has transpired. Please send cash.

Sincerely,

Harry Potter
The Boy Who Really Won the Bet

P.S. Don't tell Hermione that I told you she had sex with Malfoy. Even though she did. On her thirtieth birthday as per my winning guess.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Professor Trelawney,

Just wanted to let you know that your prediction came true. Good job.

Keep prophesying,

Harry Potter
The Boy Who Actually Listened to Your Prophecy

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Mr. Potter,

You're finally dead?

See you in the far and cloudy future,

Sybil Trelawney
Seer of All

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Professor Trelawney,

The other prediction. The one about Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger.

Beating the odds as always,

Harry Potter
The Boy Who Still Lives

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Potter says you did the nasty with Malfoy on your thirtieth birthday. I have a lot riding on this. Please advise.

Your timely assistance in this matter is appreciated,

Zacharias Smith
Current Bet Winner

…...........................

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2009

 

HARRY POTTER!

HOW DARE YOU MAKE A BET WITH THAT PRICK ZACHARIAS SMITH! WHO I DO OR DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS! WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN SEX LIFE. YOU... YOU, WIFE SPANKER!

YOUR PISSED OFF FRIEND,

HERMIONE GRANGER
SEXIEST WITCH OF HER FUCKING AGE

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

I'm really sorry. I totally deserved that Howler that came during a really important meeting at work and which just so happened to have had the Minister of Magic and other high-ranking officials of the Ministry in attendance.

My sincerest apologies,

Harry Potter
The Boy Who is Currently Dying of Shame

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Zacharias,

Sorry to hear that you are still suffering from Loser's Lurgy. Give Harry his frigging money.

With no regards whatsoever,

Hermione Granger
The Girl Who Does Not Have a Stick Up Her Ass

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Potter,

Enclosed is your frigging money. By the way, Michael Corner says to say hello to your wife. He also says to tell her if she still has that itch to scratch, he's available. He remembers just the way she liked it.

Not at all sincerely,

Zacharias Smith
Sore Loser

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Smith,

Enclosed is some frigging itching powder. The twins assure me that the itch will last five to seven days. If you need some help scratching that itch, I hear Michael Corner is available.

Wishing you continued failure in life,

Harry Potter
The Boy Who Wins Again

…...........................

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

 

Dear Weaselette,

I would rather puke slugs than attend Sunday dinner.

Not at all cordially,

Draco Malfoy
Granger's New Sex Toy

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Luna,

Thank you for the Passion Paddle. It has surprisingly turned out to be a very practical gift. I have already gotten plenty of use out of it and have a feeling it will come in quite handy in the future. And I can't believe I'm asking this, but do you have a copy of that article that Rolf wrote on Love Locusts? Just curious. How was your trip?

Thinking about Love Locusts,

Hermione Granger
Believer

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

You are welcome! Glad to hear the gift was a big hit! Our trip was a smashing success. Draco Malfoy, our financier, said it was money well spent. I have enclosed the article you requested. I should warn you, though, it's a steamy read! Enjoy!

Wishing you a Blibbering Humdinger of a day,

Luna Lovegood
Queen of the Jungle

P.S. I knew you would come around! I heard the infestation was a nasty one this year!

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Seamus,

I'm really sorry for hexing you like that and for you having to wake up to you know what. Yikes! No hard feelings, huh? Thank you for the flowers. I gathered them up off the floor sometime after you fled the building. They are in a vase on my desk and look beautiful! I really appreciate you being such a kind and forgiving friend.

Hex you later,

Hermione Granger
Straight Shooter

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Neville may let you get away with that kind of shit, but I'm Irish, and we don't forgive or forget that easily. The flowers were from my garden.

Forever holding a grudge,

Seamus Finnigan
Mad Irishman

P.S. Which book did you learn how to do you know what from? I'd like to borrow it if that's alright.

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Seamus,

I actually just borrowed that book from Malfoy. I asked him if he would mind lending it to you, but he said that there was no way in hell he was lending anything to that stupid Irish bloke who blows himself up every five minutes and tried to wreck all of his plans with a stupid bouquet of flowers that he probably just dug out of the dirt and didn't even pay for. Or something to that effect. But the book is called Moste Potente Sexual Positions for the Advanced Witch and Wizard, and Malfoy said you can special order it at Flourish & Blotts. He also said not to be cheap and to spring for the illustrated edition.

Happy reading,

Hermione Granger
Book Lover

P.S. I didn't know you were into reading. I host a book club at my house on Thursday nights. You should come!

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Weaselette,

Please disregard my previous response. I was not thinking with my dick at the time. I have since been informed that I most certainly will be attending Sunday dinner whether I like it or not. And I assure you that I will not like it. At all. Put me down for chicken.

Eternally Ungrateful,

Draco Malfoy
Granger's Pussy-Whipped Sex Slave

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Dear Crabbe and Goyle,

Cancel plans for world domination. Have to attend Sunday dinner.

Plot with you later,

Malfoy
The Next Dark Lord

P.S. Tell the house-elves.

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Potter,

Please disregard that last message. There was some kind of mix up with the owl. It was meant for some other stupid four eyes. See you at dinner. Unfortunately.

Worst Regards,

Draco Malfoy
Not Really the Next Dark Lord

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Malfoy,

I knew you were up to something! You won't get away with it. Not on my watch. I will Expelliarmus your ass. Oh, and Ginny wants to know if you like white or dark meat?

Always watching,

Harry Potter
Dark Lord Exterminator

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Potter,

I was just joking. I have no intention of becoming the next Dark Lord. You are a paranoid bastard with no sense of humor whatsoever. And I like dark meat, of course.

Your archenemy,
Draco Malfoy
Dark Meat Eater

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Malfoy,

I do, too, have a sense of humor. Bring your Quidditch gear with you. We'll play after dinner and all have a good laugh at your shitty skills on the field.

Looking forward to kicking your ass,
Harry Potter
The Boy Who Always Beats You to the Snitch

P.S. Voldemort was my archenemy. You're more of a ferret-like nuisance.

…...........................

 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

 

Potter,

Thanks for the offer, but I'll probably be too busy shagging your bushy-haired best friend to have time for Quidditch. And I think you underestimate me. You can ask Hermione about my skills on and off the field.

Looking forward to having sex on your dining room table,

Draco Malfoy
Slytherin Sex God

…...........................

 

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

I can't remember a thing from last Saturday night, but I'm guessing we had a lot of fun. I woke up with some splinters in some kinky places. Want to do it again sometime?

Still wishing I could remember,

Cormac McLaggen
Proud Bunny Lover

…...........................

 

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

 

Dear Cormac,

Sorry. It wasn't me you hooked up with. I've tried to Obliviate the mental image from my brain, but I do remember the object of your affection had a nice rack. Good luck with that.

Still wishing I could forget,

Hermione Granger
Obliviation Specialist In Training

P.S. Where did you get those fuck me leather trousers that you told me about?

…...........................

 

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Glad Rags. I'm one of their best clients. I have all of my Quidditch uniforms made there. Tell them Tippy sent you and get twenty percent off.

Cormac McLaggen
The Tipster

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Crabbe,

Did you ever remember to tell the house-elves that the plans for world domination were off?

Grunt at you later,

Goyle
Goon #1

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Goyle,

Shit. I thought you were going to do it. Oops?

Grunting back at you,

Crabbe
The Real Goon #1

P.S. You're #2. It's alphabetical.

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Crabbe,

Fuck. Malfoy is going to kill us. You still got that emergency Portkey?

Still grunting,

Goyle
The New Goon #1

P.S. I'm tired of being shitty #2.

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Goyle,

Yeah. I'll meet you at the secret place in a half an hour. Bring some snacks.

Always grunting,

Crabbe
The One and Only Goon #1

P.S. Sorry, man, but you can't fuck with the alphabet.

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Crabbe,

You like beef jerky?

Thinking about meat,

Goyle
Slim Jim

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Goyle,

Beef jerky is good. And bring some cake. All hell is about to break loose. This is no time for dieting.

Thinking about meat and cake,

Crabbe
Beefcake

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Draco,

Why am I getting complaints that house-elves are trying to take over the Ministry? And by the way, Harry is looking for you.

Lecture you later,

Hermione Granger
Harassed Ministry Worker

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Fucking Crabbe and Goyle. I'm on it. You sleeping at my place tonight?

Make it up to you later,

Draco Malfoy
Make-up Sexpert

 

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Draco,

If you don't get hauled off to Azkaban, you can sleep at my place tonight. On the couch. Take care of it!

Wishing you success in not fucking things up further,

Hermione Granger
Headache Sufferer

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Good news. The Minister accepted my generous apology. What do you say we celebrate tonight?

Hoping I got rid of your headache,

Draco Malfoy
Love Healer

P.S. If you are up for celebrating, you'll have to spring for it. I'm all tapped out.

…...........................

 

Thursday, September 24, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Come on, I said I'm sorry. It was really all just a misunderstanding. I'm sure one day we'll all laugh about this. Even that humorless, fun-sucking Potter. Please forgive me. I'll do that thing you like. You know, that thing you've been wanting me to try.

Resorting to bribery as usual,

Draco Malfoy
Reluctant Initiate

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25, 2009

 

Dear Draco,

Sorry you didn't like that thing I wanted you to try as much as I hoped you would. Book club isn't usually that disturbing, I promise.

Keep reading,

Hermione Granger
Book Club President

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25, 2009

 

Dear Seamus,

Sorry to hex you again, but who shows up to book club wearing nothing but a shamrock sock? I'm not sure how our signals got crossed but appropriate attire for book club is always clothing. Always.

Hex you next time,

Hermione Granger
Rule Enforcer

P.S. Next week's book is Pride & Prejudice!

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

I have to admit, book club was definitely less boring than I thought it would be. But not in a good way. Although seeing that idiot get hexed again was fairly entertaining. Unfortunately, I can't get that whole “kiss the blarney stone” image out of my mind. Maybe you can make it up to me. In the bedroom or on Potter's dining room table.

Looking forward to doing you,

Draco Malfoy
Lucky Bastard?

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25, 2009

 

Dear Draco,

Kingsley came into my office today and told me that you not only generously apologized for yourself but for the house-elves as well. You single-handedly freed hundreds of house-elves. You're my hero! I think it's time we celebrated for real. I'm planning the party now. I have included the guest list for your perusal.

1. Hermione Granger

Thinking of you,

Hermione Granger
Party Planner to the Sex Gods

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

Is this a list to get me laid?

Thinking of you with my hand in my pants,

Draco Malfoy
Horny Hero

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25, 2009

 

Dear Draco,

You bet your ass it is. And speaking of soon-to-be, leather-clad asses, the package that came with this letter is your attire for the party. Don't be alarmed by the very clever alteration spell that comes with it. A shirt is optional. The party starts at 7:00 sharp. Do not be late. I have a Passion Paddle, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Hugs and spankings,

Hermione Granger
Dominatrix, aka Your Mistress

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25, 2009

 

Dear Hermione,

I will be there at 7:01.

All yours,

Draco Malfoy
Bad Boy

…...........................

 

Friday, September 25. 2009

 

Malfoy,

Freeing the house-elves? Well played. This isn't over. I know you're up to something.

Until we meet again,

Harry Potter
Even Worthier Opponent

…...........................

 

Saturday, September 26, 2009

 

DEAR HARRY,

MALFOY AND I ARE DATING! THERE IS GOING TO BE SOME SCREAMING. SENDING THE ENTIRE AUROR DEPARTMENT TO MY FLAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE!

P.S. Looking forward to dinner tomorrow.

Hermione Granger
DRACO MALFOY'S FUCKING GIRLFRIEND

…...........................

 

Sunday, September 27, 2009

 

Dear Potter,

Hermione said I needed to bring something to dinner to show my appreciation. I hope you like wine. It may or may not be poisoned.

Draco Malfoy
Disgruntled Dinner Guest

P.S. Quit having me followed.

…...........................

 

Sunday, September 27, 2009

 

Dear Malfoy,

I'll quit having you followed when you stop acting suspicious.

Constantly vigilant,

Harry Potter
Disgruntled Dinner Host

P.S. White wine would go better with chicken. Something sparkling would be nice. Save the poison for yourself.

 

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Dear Harry and Ginny,

Thank you so much for dinner. It was lovely. Sorry about the dining room table. We'll be happy to replace it.

Thinking of doing it again sometime,

Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy
The Witch and Wizard Who Came to Dinner

P.S. Draco would like a copy of your chicken recipe.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Potter,

I see you're still having me followed. If you're not careful, I'm going to ask Dawlish to be my best man at the wedding.

Until we're forced to meet again,

Draco Malfoy
Dawlish's New Best Friend

P.S. Hermione, Dawlish, and I are going out for drinks after work. I'm supposed to ask you if you'd like to join us.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Malfoy,

Do you really enjoy her company?

Thinking the worst about you,

Harry Potter
Skeptic

P.S. Where are we meeting? I have a feeling I'm going to need a drink.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Potter,

I think I might love her company.

Having gushy thoughts about a certain bushy-haired know-it-all,

Draco Malfoy
Hermione's Boyfriend

P.S. Three Broomsticks. And yes, you're probably going to need a few drinks. By the way, you're buying.

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Dear Ron,

Our worst fears have come to pass. Hermione and Malfoy are... in love.

Thinking the worst,

Harry Potter
Dooms Day Reporter

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Dear Harry,

Bloody hell. Well, we can't say we didn't see it coming. Although I really had my money (well, your money) on the Quidditch pitch.

Thinking about Quidditch,

Ronald Weasley
Quidditch Lover

P.S. Doesn't Malfoy have Quidditch box seats?

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Dear Ron,

Hermione and Malfoy are a couple. How can you think of Quidditch at a time like this?

Still thinking the worst,

Harry Potter
The Boy Who Can't Save Hermione

…...........................

 

Monday, September 28, 2009

 

Dear Harry,

Silver lining, dude. Silver lining.

Looking on the bright side,

Ronald Weasley
Eternal Optimist

P.S. Go Cannons!

…...........................

 

Monday, August 9, 2010

 

Dear Ginny,

I was wondering if you wanted to get together for your birthday after work on Wednesday. Maybe a girls' night out? After all, I owe you.

Looking forward to paying you back for all you did,

Hermione Granger
Ultimate Party Plotter

P.S. Harry and Ron can meet up with us later.

…...........................

 

Monday, August 9, 2010

 

Dear Hermione,

Girls' night out is code for getting a stripper, right? If so, I'm in!

Ready to party,

Ginny Weasley
Naughty Birthday Girl

…...........................

 

Monday, August 9, 2010

 

Dear Cormac,

Do you happen to know if Tippy the Tornado does birthday parties? I have a friend I'm throwing a Quidditch/bunny-themed birthday party for on Wednesday. Think he's available?

Let me know,

Hermione Granger
Just Deserts Server

P.S. I'm looking for a stripper, too. Does Tippy do that kind of thing?

…...........................

 

Monday, August 9, 2010

 

Dear Hermione,

I just so happen to know that Tippy does do birthday parties, and he is available that day. For an extra fee, he strips, too. He takes off everything but his mask. And in case you are wondering, he's totally hung. It's quite a show, if I do say so myself. There's a whirlwind feature and everything.

Gone with the wind,

Cormac McLaggen
Tippy's Talent Manager

P.S. Great party theme. Tippy can incorporate it into his show if you want.

…...........................

 

Monday, August 9, 2010

 

Dear Cormac,

That sounds awesome! I want the works. This birthday girl really deserves it. Wish I was able to be there to see her face. Unfortunately, I have other plans. Just send me the bill.

Break a leg,

Hermione Granger
Party Patron

…...........................

 

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

 

Dear Draco,

I've finally decided to do that thing you've been wanting me to do since we first started dating. I'm available tomorrow if you're up for it. I should warn you, I probably won't enjoy it.

Willing to fake it if I have to,

Hermione Granger
So-So Actress

…...........................

 

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

 

Dear Hermione,

I'm a Slytherin. I think I know an ulterior motive when I see one. Not that I care. Quidditch is Quidditch. I'll definitely take you up on your generous offer. Don't think you can distract me with sex until after the game though. Did I mention I have box seats?

Saving myself for Quidditch,

Draco Malfoy
International Association of Quidditch Honorary Member

P. S. The Falcons are playing the Harpies. I support the Falcons, however, I will understand if you identify more with the Harpies. I have included a few books on Quidditch for your reading pleasure.

…...........................

 

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

 

Dear Draco,

Challenge accepted.

Looking forward to playing dirty with you,

Hermione Granger
The Witch Soon-to-be Coming with the International Association of Quidditch Honorary Member in her Vagina

P.S. Thank you for the Quidditch books. They will undoubtedly be a great resource in helping me get a good night's rest. After all, I'm going to need my stamina for when we are not watching the game tomorrow.

…...........................

 

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

 

HERMIONE JEAN GRANGER!

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU REMOVE THESE FUZZY, PINK HANDCUFFS! TIPPY'S BEDAZZLED G-STRING IS ABOUT TO BLOW! AND FOR MERLIN KNOWS WHAT REASON, HE'S BROUGHT BUNNIES!

SEND HELP,

GINNY WEASLEY
NAUSEOUS BIRTHDAY GIRL

P.S. What's the score?

…...........................

 

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

 

Dear Ginny,

Harry and Ron should be there soon if all goes according to plan.

Hang in there,

Hermione Granger
Winner

P.S. Gryffindor three, Slytherin zero.