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Tell Me Your Love Again

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'Love Again' – By Baekhyun

 

Tell me once again
Tell me you love me like
You did that day

Gulf missed those days. The days when everything was easy and simple. The time when he had everyone baby him. When every mistake of his was taken as a cute thing that a baby did. Now everyone took him to be an adult that he actually should be but was not.

Of all the things he missed, he missed someone the most. The person who had opened his eyes to such immense love that he had never imagined to experience.

MEW SUPPASIT

The name that always brought a smile to his face. Whom he had loved dearly.

Mew, a beautiful person with a beautiful heart, always had so much love to give and had given a lot of it to Gulf. How Gulf wished that he could go back in time and live those moments again.

Gulf was sitting on the couch with Mew’s head on his lap. Both busy playing games on their phones in a comfortable silence. A shrill “Phiiiii” was heard suddenly.

“What’s wrong Nong?”

“I lost the game again Phi”

A chuckle followed by a series of laughter had Gulf pouting and sulking. Mew who had a clear view of Gulf’s face muttered a “Narak” and got up from his position.

“It’s okay tua-aeng. It’s just one game. Don’t sulk na. You get all too cute and I feel like squeezing you and we don’t want that to happen unless you are okay with crumpled clothes.”

Gulf was awestruck. It was the first time he had heard the older call him darling. It made him feel giddy and happy. Even without a label to their relationship, being called “tua-aeng” felt intimate and right. So without another word he just gave his Phi a sweet smile which gained him one in return from the older.

He got so used to being taken care of that he almost forgot that at one point he would have to do everything alone again. Almost. He was aware of how they bounced around the topic of their relationship but he never thought that one day everything would collapse just because of them not having any labels.

The “love you tua-aeng’s” were now distant memories. The words that were uttered anytime Mew felt like, were now something that Gulf longed to hear.

 

I couldn't believe it
Everything about you was
Like looking in the mirror
We were so much alike

People called them soulmates. Even though they had a lot of dissimilarities, they still molded into one when together. For one, Mew’s love for music and Gulf’s for soccer was something that showed the contrast but they always met somewhere in the middle and everything about the other was loved. People commented that they even looked similar. People would regularly comment how similar their faces and actions were. Though their fans weren’t surprised. They knew with the amount of time they spent together it was bound to happen. They even had copied each other’s moves somehow.

Mew had just finished his report. He was over the moon. He had been working on it for such a long time. He let out a tiny “Yay”.

Gulf who was sitting on the bed had clearly heard his Phi. He was amused. The person who had teased him for always cheering and saying “Yay” was now saying it himself. It brought a smile to his face. He wondered if this was what people always pointed out. Gulf copying Mew’s words and actions and Mew doing the same.

Gulf had felt it then. How even with so many differences they still matched so well. How looking at Mew had felt like looking at a mirror.

 

The beautiful lips that used speak of love,
Now they don’t say a word, as if locked

It was expected. Gulf had known all along that they would come to a point were Mew would carry on with his life. He had also expected Mew to not contact him at all. But it wasn't the case. NO. It was the exact opposite. Mew still called him, gave him advise and sometimes even talked about random stuff. But, there is always a but, the love that Mew had showered Gulf in was now not visible. Even though Gulf had expected this change, he had never wanted it.

Gulf knew that people most of the times fall out of love. It was one of the reasons why he was scared to love. Scared to open up. But Mew had come and broke down his walls one by one. Now here he was still in love. Gulf also had a hard time letting go of people he loved. How had he let Mew slip away would always remained a mystery to him.

(It was not a mystery. He knew it in his heart that he had let Mew slip away thinking that Mew had fallen out of love. He was more scared of restraining Mew in a suffocating relationship even when they weren’t even in a relationship)

Gulf had questions. Why had Mew stopped calling him Tua-aeng? When and why did the love you’s disappear? He had many questions but when he voiced one he had received the answer for everything.

“Phi, why don’t you call me as often as before?”

Mew had shifted uncomfortably in his seat. This should have given Gulf a hint. But being the easy-going person he was, he didn’t give it much thought.

“Yai Nong is busy, so is Khun Phi. It was something bound to happen. We can’t be the same as before na Nong krub.”

The answer was enough for Gulf to push away all other questions.

Gulf should have asked the questions that he had. Atleast he wouldn’t have been this lost now.

 

Deep in my heart, I could not understand why?
You say you love me, but why do you try to run away
our love is like a race, it can’t be stopped babe
If you turn away now
We can never come back to this

Gulf was comfortable with their dynamics then. Even though they never labeled themselves, everyone around them knew that their connection was something special. No one would try to flirt with them and even if someone had that kind of audacity, the other person’s glare and the possessive aura radiating out of them would push everyone away.

It was always said that when they were together everyone around them turned into air. Gulf would always giggle and nod at the comment because it was true. When they were together they were not Mew and Gulf. They were MewGulf and their love for eachother would automatically shine through when together. It was a plus that people thought that they were adorable like that.

 

Gulf knew better than anyone to not let go of Mew. But here he was sad and lost. He had known that it would be like a race. Once they go back they would lose. Just the thought that they weren’t boyfriends had made Gulf take a step back from the constant need to call and with time came the thought of himself being a bother that had penetrated in his mind. He guesses that maybe it was the same with Mew.

Mew was always worried about coming off too needy and too clingy therefore it resulting in suppressing his wants. Even when Gulf had assured him that he loved that side of Mew, he still had his fears. And now Gulf thinks that maybe they should have defined their relationship. Maybe having a title would have saved them.

 

Tell me once again
Say that you love me again

Gulf just wished that he could hear the words filled with love once again. He wished to hear tua-aeng again.

“Phi can you come to my condo? I am lonely and its boring.”

“Sure tua-aeng”

“Thank you P’Mew. See you.”

“See you. Love you tua-aeng”

How Gulf wished that things could be as simple as calling Mew to his condo just because he was lonely.

 

Don't leave me alone baby
Just stay for the night baby, yeah
Tell me that you won't leave me

Mew had promised that he would never leave Gulf alone and Gulf was holding on to it with whole of his heart. And Mew kept his promise. He never left but what Gulf wanted was more than what Mew was currently giving him. He wanted to feel those strong arms around him and sleep peacefully on Mew’s chest atleast once if never again. He carved to feel Mew against him once again and tell Mew to never leave him.

“Why does Yai Nong want Phi to cuddle him?”

“Because Phi is comfortable”

Mew had smiled and lazily wrapped his hands around Gulf and brought him extremely closer to himself. They had fallen asleep on the blanket in the workshop in a corner with everyone laughing and shaking their heads at the cute antics of the couple.

It had been a routine to cuddle that had begun during the workshop and had continued for a long time. Gulf wanted to feel that security and comfort again.

Tell me your love again,
Come back to me again.
Tell me your love again, hey
Come back to me again, yeah.

Gulf wanted them to be the same as before. He longed to hear from Mew the sweet words of love. He wanted Mew to be with him. Together. As boyfriends. He was even ready to be husbands. The time away from Mew had him realize the depth of his feelings.

 

I want to put everything back the way it was
I'm where I've always been, I still love you

It had been exactly a year since he felt Mew next to him like how they were before. Mew had stopped initiating skinships and Gulf was too shy to do so. He just wanted everything to go back to how it was before. Gulf was still at the same place where Mew had left him. He still loved the older as much as before and always thought of ways to put everything back to how it was before. It most of the times ended up with him shedding tears on his pillow or him being overcome with immense sadness that allowed no other thought to seep in.

 

You filled up my everything
It's floating, like a balloon
I’m filled with those memories
I'm still just as I have always been

People always questioned how he had changed so much. From the rough and sharp guy to this soft and cute one. There was just one answer. He hadn’t changed, it had always been a part of him. He was always the soft-spoken guy with his family and friends. Just because he had a poker face with an intimidating look, people had misunderstood his personality. He was a goof ball who loved being taken care of. He showed this side only to the people who managed to break through his wall.

Being an introvert with a scary poker face had most of the times pushed people away from him and with him unable to start a conversation, his contacts had remained minimum.

But Mew had filled him with love and care. He never knew a person who had so patiently crawled into his heart. Mew did that and had stayed in his heart.

 

He missed those memories they made together. The fun they had together during the filming and events were some of Gulf’s most treasured memories. But what he missed the most were the cuddles, kisses and just simple talks that they had. Mew had filled his word with love and happiness. Now he was filled with the bittersweet memories and deep longing.

They were at Gulf’s condo doing nothing. Somehow while talking about a random topic Gulf had caught Mew staring at his lips. He knew that Mew liked his lips but seeing Mew staring at them like wanting to devour them had Gulf feeling tingly.

Gulf, mesmerized by the look in Mew’s eyes had leaned in and just like how they met in middle for everything else they had met for this too.
A slight peck given in daze was followed by hot, open mouthed kisses filled with passion and love.

When they pulled away panting for breath, both had fear lingering in their eyes. Seeing the fear in the other's eyes had snapped something in both and had them kissing again.

Gulf thinks maybe that was their mistake after all. They cuddled, kissed and did stuff that had him blushing furiously now, but had never named their relationship. Just a damn label would have done magic, Gulf believes.

 

Deep in my heart, I could not understand why?
You say you love me, but why do you try to run away
Our love is like a race, it can’t be stopped babe
If you turn away now
We can never come back to this

Although he was aware of the reasons that brought them here, somewhere deep in his heart he still couldn’t understand why everything had turned out like this. He still was too deep in love whereas he felt like Mew had moved on. Two years after the filming of the second season and here he was contemplating on confronting Mew about the stuff that they had left unsaid.

Even if he had previously thought that they could never go back again to how it was, he wanted to try one last time. For the sake of his sanity and the love that he was chocking up on, this had to be done.

 

Tell me your love again
Come back to me again.

Gulf just wanted to know what Mew had in his mind. He wanted to confess his feelings and see what the other man felt about it. He wanted to finally be at peace with his feelings. And if Mew also had the same feelings then he could finally be at home. He could finally live the life he had been longing for. If not, then Gulf had no idea on what he would do. Just like everything else he had left it to be thought later.

 

Tell me your love again, hey
Come back to me again, yeah

 

 

 

 

A notification popped up on every waanjais phone. It was an Instagram notification denoting that both Mew and Gulf had posted a picture. Both the guys had posted the same photo. The moment they looked at the picture they had tears of happiness in their eyes.

The pic was of MewGulf looking at each other with sweet smiles and heart eyes. Below was the caption,

 

“I wuv you”

 

 

THE END