Kurt makes it to his car before the first tear rolls down his cheek.
He just doesn't understand. They had been becoming so close, they were friends, and now they're this. He's not sure what he did wrong, what made Sebastian turn on him like this. Ever since that damn kiss everything has been wrong; he knew it was a mistake.
Sebastian must know how he feels. It's the only explanation that Kurt can think of. Sebastian knows Kurt has feelings for him. Of course he knows. Kurt has never been subtle about his feelings. Sure Blaine was oblivious at first, but... well, that's Blaine. Sebastian must know. And it must make him uncomfortable. It's the only explanation.
He kissed Kurt because he felt like it, because that's what Sebastian does; and Kurt doesn't really think there's a problem with that, but he also can't be that person for Sebastian when he feels like this about him. Of course it meant nothing to Sebastian, but Kurt must have been weird after that, right? He must have done something to give it away, and then Sebastian knew and clearly he was uncomfortable with it, and oh god he tried for so long to stay friends with Kurt but he just couldn't, and Kurt can't really blame him, it must have been so awkward for him. Hell, Sebastian probably knew Kurt's feelings before Kurt knew his feelings; he'd come to the right conclusions about Blaine long before Kurt had, and with much less information to go by, after all. So, he'd tried to be friends, and it was too much.
I like you. I am falling in love with you. Is that what you wanted to hear?
When Sebastian had said it, Kurt thought he meant it. He really, genuinely thought the other boy meant it, but he'd been a fool to think that.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
He knew. He knew. He knew that's what Kurt wanted to hear, but it's not true, of course it's not. It's what Kurt wanted to hear and he can't say it. Does he think he's doing Kurt a favour by staying away? Does he think he's helping Kurt get over him? Or is it just too weird for Sebastian to be friends with Kurt when he knows how he feels? If the other boy would just talk to him this would be so much easier, but, well... apparently that isn't going to work.
He wipes at the stray tears on his cheeks, takes a deep breath, and starts his car. If Sebastian wants nothing to do with him, he'll just have to get over it. It wouldn't be the first time the object of his affection wants nothing to do with him, and it certainly won't be the last.
He knows he's been moping. He's been trying not to think about Sebastian, but trying not to think about something just makes you think about it more. He needs a distraction.
He walks into the choir room and sees Blaine and Sam sitting together in their usual spots, chatting happily. He's glad the others haven't turned on Blaine after the breakup. The girls are on his side, of course, but they haven't been hostile toward his ex. And the guys haven't really taken sides at all. Finn made Kurt swear that the breakup wasn't because Blaine had hurt him – and Kurt figures he didn't really lie to his step-brother when he'd promised that wasn't the reason – so the boys have no reason to hold anything against Blaine. It's high school, couples break up, you're not supposed to stay with your high school boyfriend forever. If you picked two people from this choir room at random it was almost more likely that they had dated at one point than that they hadn't. And they're all still friends.
They're all still friends.
He should at least try to be friends with Blaine, right? They were best friends before they were boyfriends, and maybe dating Blaine wasn't going to work out, but they should still be friends, right? He can at least try. And maybe that will give him something to focus one while he tries to get over Sebastian.
"Is anyone sitting here?" he asks Blaine, gesturing to the empty chair beside him.
Blaine looks up at him, clearly surprised. "Uh... no. It's all yours."
"Thanks," Kurt says, offering Blaine a small smile as he takes a seat.
They've barely spoken since that one day in the Lima Bean. Blaine has been keeping his distance, they've only spoken when required for classes or Glee club and it's always been civil. Blaine has been seemingly respecting the boundaries Kurt has set, and he's pretty sure that's a big part of the reason that he's even considering being Blaine's friend again. Blaine must be hurting, and the fact that he's been giving Kurt his space – mostly respectfully, unlike a certain other person he needs to stop thinking about – is a big plus.
Sam and Blaine have stopped talking, and the silence is awkward, Sam is just staring between Kurt and Blaine, Blaine is staring straight ahead like he's not sure if he should talk to Kurt or pretend he's not there, and Kurt could almost laugh at how awkward the whole situation is.
"How are you?" Kurt asks.
Blaine turns his head to look at Kurt, still surprised but he also seems a little relieved that now he at least knows what he should be doing.
"I'm good. Um, how are you?"
"I'm good, too," Kurt replies.
Another awkward silence. They were best friends, it shouldn't be this hard to talk to Blaine.
"I was thinking, um," Kurt starts, "maybe we could get a coffee sometime?"
"Oh," Blaine says simply.
"Just as friends, of course," Kurt adds quickly, awkwardly, cheeks flushing, because apparently he's incapable of not embarrassing himself.
"Right, yeah, of course. Just as friends," Blaine agrees, "that would be nice. I'd like that."
"Okay, good," Kurt says.
Then Mr. Shue is at the front of the choir room interrupting their conversation, and for once Kurt is grateful for the man's presence.
"I was surprised you wanted to do this."
Blaine is sitting across from him at their usual – does it still count as their usual if they haven't come here together in months? – table at the Lime Bean. Kurt had followed through on his invitation for a coffee, just as friends, so here they are.
"Me too, honestly," Kurt replies.
Blaine raises his eyebrows a bit at that. "So why did you?"
"I think I just..." he starts, but trails off. There are so many answers to that question, some of which he doesn't want to share with Blaine, some of which he doesn't even fully understand himself. He decides to go with the simplest. "We used to be best friends. And we were best friends for a reason. I guess I just thought that maybe we should try to be friends again."
Blaine smiles; apparently that was a good answer.
"I really miss you, Kurt."
Kurt's not sure how to respond to that, because he still can't figure out if he does miss Blaine or not. Sometimes he thinks he does, but other times he's so okay with Blaine not being a part of his life anymore, and it's hard to figure his feelings out.
"What have you been up to?" Changing the subject seems like a safer option.
"Oh, um, not much I guess. I've been hanging out with Sam a lot. He's been really good for... well, you know."
"Yeah," Kurt agrees with an awkward nod – is everything about this going to be awkward?
"Sorry," Blaine says, "I probably shouldn't be... bringing that up, it's... sorry."
"No, it's... it's fine. You don't need to pretend we never dated, Blaine."
They sit there – awkwardly – for another minute, each sipping on their coffee and looking anywhere but at each other, and why is this so difficult? Being with Blaine shouldn't be so hard, it's never been hard, it's only ever been easy since the day they met.
Just another thing he's broken, he supposes. But at least in this case, the other person seems to be willing to let him fix things.
Blaine tips his head to the side a little, confused. "What? Why?"
"I've been... I'm not sorry for breaking up with you, I think... I think we needed that. Or, at least, I needed that. But I'm sorry for hurting you. And I'm sorry I haven't been... well, I guess I didn't need to push you away as much as I did."
"Kurt, hey," Blaine says, reaching his hand across the table and grabbing Kurt's, and it feels a little weird, he's not sure if Blaine did it intentionally or as a reflex, but he doesn't pull away, "it's okay. You don't need to apologize, it was... I get it. You needed some space. I understand. But, um... I am glad. That you want to be friends again." Blaine gives his hand a little squeeze – okay, so probably intentional – and shoots him a small smile.
Kurt smiles back. Blaine's hand is warm and familiar and once he's gotten past the weirdness of it all it is kind of nice, in a totally-platonic-not-at-all-romantic kind of way. Maybe they can get past the awkwardness and this will be okay after all.
Things have been getting progressively better. The awkward moments are few and far between now, and Kurt has been spending more and more time with Blaine as they've slowly gotten reacquainted with each other. They're out for a movie on this particular Friday evening. It was Blaine's idea, the theatre is playing classic musicals this week, so they're going to see Phantom of the Opera. Blaine had suggested Moulin Rouge at first, and Kurt had awkwardly – because there are still some awkward moments – talked him out of that because, well… he doesn't think they're quite there yet.
While Blaine is getting the tickets, Kurt is getting the popcorn. Somehow the concessions line is shorter than the box office line, so Kurt is standing off to the side, big bag of popcorn in hand, waiting.
He watches people walk by as he waits for Blaine; an elderly couple, parents with their two kids, a group of teens he vaguely recognizes from school but can't name. And then his eyes land on Sebastian. The other boy pauses in the middle of the lobby, scanning the crowd as he seemingly looks for someone, and then he sees Kurt, too. Their eyes lock and Kurt sees the surprised expression on Sebastian's face, fading to uncertainty. They stand there staring at each other across the room for what feels like forever but is really only a few seconds, and then Sebastian takes a step toward him, and is Sebastian actually coming over to talk to him?
"Hey, sorry that took so long! That line was crazy."
His head snaps to the side to look at the source of the sound. It's Blaine, not Sebastian, and Kurt jumps in surprise because he'd almost forgotten he was waiting for Blaine.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Blaine adds with a chuckle.
"Oh, no sorry, I was just distracted." He looks back to the spot where Sebastian had been, and the other boy is nowhere to be found. It's not like he'd actually been coming to talk to Kurt, anyway, he supposes. Sebastian has made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with him. "Are you ready to go in?"
"Yeah," Blaine replies with a warm smile, "let's go."
He had considered trying to text Sebastian when he got home that night, but he'd decided against it; Sebastian probably still had his number blocked, anyway. But he'd been doing so good, he thought, he hadn't been thinking about the other boy that often, and it had been… manageable. But seeing Sebastian brought him all the way back to square one. He needs to do something about this, because clearly he is not handling it.
He's at the sheet music store - with Blaine, of course, because it feels like he does everything with Blaine lately - looking for songs for Glee club. They've split up to cover more ground, and he's nose deep in a stack of sheet music when a friendly, excited voice pulls him back to reality.
"Hi, I'm sorry, I just had to say that I absolutely love that scarf you're wearing," the boy, who Kurt is sure he has never seen before, says, gesturing at the purple neck scarf tied snugly around his throat.
"Oh," Kurt says, smiling, "thank you." He's not used to random compliments from strangers; usually they're giving him dirty looks, if not completely ignoring his existence.
"I never would have thought to pair it with that outfit, but it just looks divine," the boy gushes.
"Thank you! I do love an unconventional pairing, it keeps a little excitement in my life." He's smiling wider now, he can't help it, the boy's energy is infectious.
The other boy giggles – actually giggles – as he nods his head in agreement. "You're so right, most people's fashion is just so boring, I always love seeing something new."
"Who's our new friend?"
Blaine lays a hand on Kurt's shoulder as he steps up beside him and looks at the other boy.
"Oh, this is, um… sorry, I didn't catch your name, actually."
"I'm Chandler!" the boy – Chandler – says, extending his hand for Kurt to shake.
"I'm Kurt," Kurt says, shaking Chandler's hand.
"Blaine," Blaine adds when Chandler reaches to shake his hand as well.
"Are you together?" Chandler asks, tipping his head to the side a little inquisitively.
"Oh, no, not together, just… we're just friends," Kurt says quickly.
"Oh, okay," Chandler says cheerfully, "in that case, I'm not usually so bold but I just have to ask, could I get your number?"
"Oh. Um, yeah, sure." He's never just been asked for his number like that; or ever, really. But Chandler seems friendly enough, so he doesn't see the harm in it. He feels Blaine give him a look, but he ignores it. Blaine doesn't get a say in who he gives his number to.
Chandler hands him his phone, and he types in his name and number before handing it back with a tentative smile.
"Thank you so much! I will definitely be texting you," the boy says with a wide grin, and again, Kurt can't help but return it.
This will be good for him. Maybe someone new is what he needs. Even if this never becomes anything, even if they're only ever friends, this will be good for him.