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It Was Only A Kiss

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Sebastian reaches up and threads his fingers into Kurt's hair, and he almost expects Kurt to swat the hand away because it's Kurt's hair, but he doesn't, just deepens the kiss as he moans softly into Sebastian's mouth. He feels one of Kurt's hands come to rest on his cheek, the other reaching to grip the back of his neck, holding him firmly there as their lips move together, tongues exploring each others' mouths, and technically this isn't their first kiss but it feels like it is, because Kurt likes him back and he never thought he'd hear those words, never thought this could happen, and kissing isn't usually like this, but this is Kurt.

This is Kurt.

He doesn't want to ruin this. Maybe Kurt does like him – well, more than maybe, apparently, but he'll need some time to get used to that – but Sebastian still has no idea how to do this. He's never had a boyfriend, only ever been one for casual sex and one-night stands, and Kurt deserves better than that. He knows Kurt isn't ready for sex yet, and obviously making out in his car in the middle of the daytime in a crowded parking lot was never going to lead to sex anyway, but even without that, he wants to take things slow. This isn't something he'd ever thought he would want – both taking things slow, and a relationship – but he also never thought he'd be in this position, either.

He pulls back, breaking the kiss, and just stares at Kurt, eyes wide and sparkling, hair a little dishevelled, lips wet and just slightly red and swollen, and fuck he looks good like that.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this... right here," Sebastian says, and Kurt looks around for a moment, a blush rising in his cheeks as he realizes just where exactly here is.

"Oh, right," he agrees with a shy smile. Kurt flips down the sun visor and uses the mirror there to begin smoothing down his hair. "You need to watch the hair."

And there's the hair comment, he thinks to himself. "You didn't seem to mind a few seconds ago," Sebastian says with a smirk, and Kurt blushes again, but doesn't respond.

He's not really sure what to say. He's not sure how to do this, what this means. Are they going to be boyfriends now? Because he likes Kurt, he really likes Kurt, but he's not sure if he's ready to call someone his boyfriend. He feels a little silly for it, because he's the one who has no qualms with meeting a guy and hopping into bed with him the same night, but... maybe his motivation for taking things slow isn't entirely for Kurt's sake.

"Are you okay?" Kurt sounds concerned, and Sebastian looks over to find that he looks concerned, too.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," he says quickly.

"Are you sure? I'm sorry if... if you didn't want that. I... it wasn't a mistake this time, though. To me. I'm glad. I meant it."

"No, it's not a mistake, of course not, I just...," Sebastian trails off, not really sure how to say what he's thinking, because he doesn't do this whole talking about his feelings thing.

"Should we... we should talk about this," Kurt decides, and as much as Sebastian hates the idea, he knows Kurt is probably right.

"Yeah," he agrees simply.

"There's nobody at my house right now," Kurt offers a little awkwardly, "we can go there. If you want."

"That... yeah. That would be good," Sebastian agrees.

"Okay," Kurt says with a small smile. "I'll, um... I'll go get in my car, and I'll meet you there?"

"Sure," Sebastian agrees.

Kurt reaches for the handle, and is about to open his door when Sebastian reaches out, lays a hand on his arm to stop him. "Wait, Kurt?"

Kurt turns back to look at him curiously. "Yeah?"

Sebastian lays a hand on Kurt's face and leans forward to give him a small kiss. "I just had to do that one more time."

The smile on Kurt's face is something Sebastian doesn't think he'll ever get tired of.

"So, I have to ask... what do you want this to be?" The two boys are sitting together on the coach, and Kurt looks at Sebastian hesitantly as he asks the question.

"I'm not sure," Sebastian admits, because honestly his thoughts are a whirlwind right now.

"Okay," Kurt says with a cautious nod, "well, how about I tell you what I want this to be... and maybe you can tell me how you feel about that?"

Thank god Kurt is handling this so well. Sebastian just nods his head in agreement.

"I really like you, Seb. A lot. And I... I am over Blaine. And I want us to be something, I don't want to just be another guy, you know?"

"No, of course not. You're not, Kurt," Sebastian reassures quickly, because Kurt is the furthest thing from just another guy. How could Kurt even think that's what he is to Sebastian?

"Okay," Kurt says, a relieved smile spreading across his face. "I know you haven't really had one before, but I... um, I would like to be your boyfriend. If you would want that." His cheeks flush again, and he spits the words out quickly like if he doesn't say them right now then he never will, and Sebastian admires the courage it must take to be this honest at the same time that he feels the uncomfortable knot in his stomach because he wants that, too, he really does, but he doesn't know if he's ready, he doesn't know how to be in a relationship, and he doesn't want to do that to Kurt.

"Seb?" Kurt asks, and the smile slowly fades from his face as Sebastian doesn't respond. "Do you not want...?"

Why can't he just talk to Kurt? Kurt can do it, why can't Sebastian? He knows the things he needs to say, he knows what he should say, but he just can't and god it's not fair, not fair to him but especially not fair to Kurt who is sitting here in front of him, laying his heart out to Sebastian, and looking more and more heartbroken with every second that passes and Sebastian remains silent.

"No, no– I mean, yeah– I mean, it's not that I don't want that," Sebastian splutters, falling over his words because he just wants to see that bright smile again but he also can't lie. Not to Kurt.

"But...?" Kurt prompts.

Sebastian sighs. Why is this so hard?

"I just... I've never had a boyfriend," he mutters.

A soft smile graces Kurt's lips, and he reaches out to lay a hand on top of Sebastian's. "That's okay. Seb, you know me... you know that doesn't matter to me."

"Well maybe it matters to me," he snaps, and he didn't meant to say it like that, but it's too late now and he watches as the corners of Kurt's mouth twitch down into a frown. "Shit, Kurt, that's not what I meant–"

"If you don't want to date me then just say so, Sebastian," Kurt says coolly.

Sebastian runs a hand through his hair and lets out a frustrated sigh. "I do, I just...," he starts, but trails off, because how can he say this?

"Look, we don't have to jump right in, if you don't want," Kurt starts, tone warming a little, and he's eying Sebastian carefully now. "If that's what you're... if you're worried about being in a relationship, I... we can take things slow. That's why we're talking about it."

Sebastian just nods and looks down at the floor.

"If you don't want to be anything official yet, we don't have to be. We can take our time."

He looks back up at Kurt, sees the tentative sincerity in his eyes and the reassuring smile, and he actually laughs, because honestly this whole situation is sort of surreal.

Kurt looks at him, confused. "What?"

"I just... never thought you would be the one telling me we can take things slow."

Kurt laughs then, too, and easier smile spreading on his lips. "Well, I never really thought any of this would happen."

"Touché," Sebastian agrees.

"So, we're not dating dating, but can I still...," Kurt starts, trailing off as Sebastian catches his eyes flickering down to his lips.

"Please do," Sebastian says, and then their lips are pressed together again, fingers tangling together and into hair, and everything just feels right.

Kurt had suggested they go to Breakstix for their first official date, but despite having done that exact thing on several occasions before, Sebastian had shot the idea down immediately. Kurt had laughed at him, but said it was fine, and asked if he had a better idea. Which he didn't. But going to dinner just seemed too... formal, to him. Too official. And the idea of a boyfriend still felt... weird. So Kurt had just rolled his eyes and waited patiently as Sebastian tried to think of something sufficiently not date-like. Which, Kurt had pointed out, kind of defeated the purpose of going on a date, and Sebastian had just told him to shut up.

Kurt had also insisted it wouldn't feel any different, it would be just like every other time they've hung out together. But Kurt was wrong, it undeniably feels very different.

"I can't believe you wanted our first date to be at an arcade," Kurt says with a chuckle as he follows Sebastian through the doors.

"I figured I'd be a little more comfortable if I could spend the afternoon kicking your ass," Sebastian explains with a shrug. He's gotten a little better at acknowledging his feelings, but usually it's in the form of a joke.

"How charming," Kurt says with a smirk. "I wouldn't count on you being the one doing the ass kicking, though."

Sebastian laughs. "You hate video games. Of course I'll kick your ass."

"If you know I don't like video games, why would you take me on a date here?" Kurt teases, pouting slightly.

"Because I knew that if you agreed to come it meant you really do like me," Sebastian teases right back.

Kurt grabs Sebastian's hand to stop him, and Sebastian turns to look at him. "I do," Kurt says with a shy smile, a slight blush rising in his cheeks.

"Obviously," Sebastian jokes, and then pulls his hand from Kurt's and keeps walking. He's never had a problem with physical contact, whether in public or in private; never had a problem with touching other guys or letting them touch him. But there's something about the hand holding and the cuddling and the tendernessand intimacy that comes with these small touches he shares with Kurt sometimes that just unnerves him. It makes him uncomfortable. And he'd thought that he'd gotten over that reaction to being touched a long time ago – he's spent a lot of time getting comfortable touching and being touched – but there's just something different about this, about how intimate it feels, and it's the most frustrating thing in the world because this is Kurt and he shouldn't be feeling that way. Not with Kurt. He can trust Kurt. He knows he can.

Kurt doesn't reach for his hand again.

"Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I'm not good at them," Kurt says as Sebastian feeds money into the machine which promptly dispenses a handful of tokens.

"Well, we'll just have to find out then, won't we?" Sebastian says with a smirk.

"I guess so," Kurt responds with a grin. "What are we playing first?"

"Air hockey?" Sebastian suggests as innocently as he can.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "That's not even a video game."

"True, but it is sports, which you also hate," Sebastian teases with a wide grin. When they're like this, it's easy to forget about the flash of disappointment he'd caught on Kurt's face when he pulled away.

"Fine, whatever. Air hockey it is," Kurt agrees.

They make their way over to the air hockey tables; there are two in the arcade, one of which is being used by a pair of younger boys, so they claim the other. Sebastian deposits the tokens, and the table comes to life, air spewing from the small holes and the red puck starts moving around of its own accord.

"I'll let you start," Sebastian offers, making his way to the opposite end of the table and gripping the striker.

"You sure about that?" Kurt asks him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I figure you could use the advantage," Sebastian shoots back.

Kurt just rolls his eyes, grips his own striker and catches the puck underneath as it floats by. "Ready?"

"Born ready," Sebastian says with a smirk.

Kurt's striker connects with the puck then, sending it flying across the table toward Sebastian, and he smacks it right back toward Kurt. It bounces back and forth between the two boys several times before Kurt sends it ricocheting off the side and sliding into Sebastian's goal.

"Oh, what happened there?" Kurt asks with mock innocence and a teasing grin.

He can't deny that he's a bit impressed; not that he could ever admit that to Kurt. "Nothing. Just thought I'd give you a head start is all," he responds as he pulls the puck out and sets it back on the table.

"Right," Kurt says with raised eyebrows and an exaggerated nod, "of course. How thoughtful."

"I didn't want to show you up too badly right away. This is a date, after all."

"A date you planned specifically with the intention of kicking my ass," Kurt points out.

"Can't do it all at once," Sebastian says with a sly grin, "where's the fun in that?" Then he sends the puck flying back across the table toward Kurt.

Kurt wins air hockey; it's close, but he manages to win by one point, and Sebastian attributes it to going easy on Kurt, but really he's pretty impressed with the other boy's skill. He hadn't expected that. They play a game of skee ball, which Sebastian wins, and then Kurt wins the racing game, which is the first actual video game they've played, and he's even more surprised.

"I told you just because I don't like them doesn't mean I'm bad at them. Finn is my brother, you think I don't get stuck playing video games at least once a week?"

"Not enough to be that good," Sebastian argues, "it was just luck. Rematch."

"Fine," Kurt says, rolling his eyes fondly.

Sebastian inserts another token, and the game starts up again. He beats Kurt this time, and turns to look at him with a smug grin as he passes the finish line.

"Now who's the winner?"

"Nobody. If you haven't noticed, Seb, we're tied."

"Only because I let you win the first game of air hockey," Sebastian says with a smirk.

"You did not," Kurt argues, "I won that fair and square. It's not my fault you underestimated me."

"Whatever you say," Sebastian says as he turns to walk toward the claw machine.

"You're not insisting on breaking the tie? You know nobody can win at a claw machine, right?" Kurt asks with a laugh.

"We only have one token left," Sebastian explains, "and besides, I decided I don't want to crush your spirits too much on the first date. Have to save something for next time."

"How thoughtful," Kurt says with a roll of his eyes.

Sebastian pops the last token into the machine then grips the joystick as the claw rises up. He manoeuvres it around until it's positioned over a rubber ball.

"You know these things never work," Kurt comments as Sebastian hits the button.

"Maybe not for you," Sebastian says, turning to smirk at the other both, "but I never lose."

"You lost twice today," Kurt deadpans.

Sebastian doesn't bother to respond as he turns to look back at the machine and watches as the claw descends, missing the ball he'd aimed for entirely and gripping the foot of a stuffed animal buried among the other toys instead; that's fine, Kurt doesn't know what he was aiming for, anyway.

The claw raises, and it looks like it's going to lose grip of the foot as it pulls the toy out of the pile, but it somehow hangs on and Sebastian is glad for that until he realizes what kind of animal it is.

Kurt bursts into laughter beside him. "It's a meerkat," he giggles, actually giggles.

"Since when do they even make meerkat toys?" Sebastian asks incredulously, watching as the claw drops the toy down the chute for him to take.

"Aren't you going to take it?" Kurt asks with a wide grin.

"You can have it," he mumbles, crossing his arms. This is stupid.

"How sweet, you won me a stuffed animal on our first date," Kurt teases as he takes the stuffed animal from the machine and holds it up to Sebastian. "Who knew you were such a romantic?"

"Don't get your hopes up," Sebastian says, "it was purely by chance."

"Wait, so you're saying this isn't what you were trying to win?"

Sebastian rolls his eyes. "I'm saying I wasn't trying to be romantic."

"Right, of course," Kurt says, a smug tone to his voice, "whatever you say."

Sebastian glances at Kurt, who's grinning widely, and he can't help but smile back at the other boy. Not that he has anything to really compare it to, but he'd say this was a pretty damn good date.