"Everything alright out here?" Sebastian asks, slowly approaching Kurt in the empty parking lot. He's never seen Kurt get that upset, and he's quite honestly surprised to see Blaine that handsy; for all that Blaine let him flirt, he did a pretty good job of keeping up the physical boundaries, and Sebastian had been starting to think that maybe Blaine was just a prude.
Kurt spins around at the sound of his voice and shoots Sebastian a glare. "What do you want?"
Sebastian raises his hands, raises his eyebrows. "Woah, calm down, tiger. Just making sure everything's good here. I caught the end of that fight, didn't sound great."
"Whatever, Sebastian," Kurt rolls his eyes, turns away and reaches for the car door.
"Kurt, wait," Sebastian says, stepping forward and grabbing hold of Kurt's shoulder to stop him. He could care less about Kurt Hummel, but he's never seen the kid this upset (and he's tried), and despite what everyone else may think he does, deep down, have a heart.
Kurt flinches at the touch, shrugs his shoulder out from under Sebastian's hand. "Don't touch me, you overgrown ferret."
Sebastian rolls his eyes, runs a hand through his hair. Jesus Christ, this kid is touchy. "My sincere apologies, Ice Queen, for trying to make sure you're okay."
Now it's Kurt's turn to roll his eyes, and Sebastian finally notices the tears he must be holding back. "Yeah, right. We all know this is what you wanted anyway, no need to pretend you care."
"Wow, you really are impossible, aren't you?" Sebastian says, crossing his arms, because this is ridiculous. Kurt isn't entirely wrong, Sebastian did invite them here hoping to get under Kurt's skin; it's not often he meets someone that can hold his own against him, and Kurt can certainly hold his own. It's fun. But he's pretty sure that fight wasn't about him, it was about Blaine being pushy, and that's just not cool. Sebastian is all for getting it on whenever and wherever, but he would never pressure someone who didn't want it; not that he ever has that problem, of course.
"Fuck off, Sebastian," Kurt says, shooting him an icy glare worthy of his Ice Queen title but otherwise not bothering to engage in their typical banter, before he hauls the door open and gets into the car. Sebastian takes a step back, watches as Kurt makes a point not to look at him as he pulls out of the parking space and drives away.
Sebastian just rolls his eyes again, makes his way back to the bar as he slides his cell out of his pocket to call a cab.
He doesn't know that Kurt pulls over on the side of the road half way home to cry for half an hour.
Sebastian had spotted Kurt and Blaine at their usual Lima Bean table when he walked through the door, and he makes his way over now, coffee in hand. Talking to these boys is always good for some quick fun.
"Why hello there Blaine," he says, pulling a chair up alongside the dark-haired boy and taking a seat, "I walked through the door and my eyes were just immediately drawn to this sexy man with his little fairy friend, and then I thought, 'hey, I know that guy,'" he winks at Blaine, then turns to give Kurt a smug grin, "Kurt."
"How charming," Kurt says, sarcasm dripping from the words, and Blaine's cheeks redden ever so slightly. It always is so easy to make him blush.
"We were just talking about choreography for out next competition," Blaine says, changing the subject as he always does when Sebastian flusters him, and at first it was kind of cute but it's starting to get boring.
"Oh really? After last weekend, I was under the impression that some of the people at this table aren't exactly, how can I put this delicately, skilled dancers." He shoots Kurt a pointed look, and Kurt glares back.
"Well, it's different when we have the choreography sorted out ahead of time," Blaine says, seemingly completely missing the jab at his boyfriend, and sometimes Sebastian isn't sure if Blaine really is that oblivious or if he actually just doesn't mind letting another guy insult his boyfriend right in front of him.
"I'm just going to grab another coffee," Blaine says, standing from his chair and walking behind Kurt toward the counter, "do you want anything?"
Sebastian doesn't miss Kurt's flinch as Blaine lays a hand on his shoulder with the question, but he recovers quickly. "No thanks, I still have some," Kurt says, lifting his cup and swirling the liquid inside.
Sebastian narrows his eyes at Kurt; something's not right here. "Seems like you two made up just fine," he says once Blaine is out of earshot.
Kurt shoots back his trademark icy glare. "Don't you have literally anywhere else to be, Sebastian?"
"And miss out on talking to my favourite soloist and his missus?"
"That's really creative, careful you don't hurt yourself thinking too hard," Kurt snarks back.
"I appreciate the concern, but I don't think you need to worry about anything being too hard around you, looking like that," Sebastian says, flicking his eyes up and down Kurt's body.
Kurt's cheeks flush red at that, but he doesn't react otherwise. "Trust me Waluigi, that's not an issue. Just because whatever clients you manage to find on the corner can't get it up doesn't mean we all have the same problem."
Sebastian is actually pretty impressed with that one. Usually Kurt stays away from anything overtly sexual, but he really went for it and it's kind of... well, it might have been hot, if it wasn't Kurt Hummel. "Your boyfriend certainly didn't seem to have any issues when I was dancing with him. Maybe if you weren't such a frigid bitch you would have actually gotten laid for once in your life."
There's a flash of something in Kurt's eyes – panic? shame? fear? – and Kurt sits there for a moment, speechless, lips parted slightly in shock, staring back at Sebastian. Clearly he hit a nerve. Looks like everything isn't back to sunshine and rainbows between the two of them after all. But then Blaine is back, taking his seat at the table, and Kurt's expression is masked with one of bored annoyance.
"Did I miss anything?" Blaine asks as he takes a sip of his new coffee and looks between the two of them.
"No, Sebastian here was just leaving, he has some kind of appointment to deal with the rat nest on top of his head," Kurt says, offering a tight smile and fluttering his hand in the air toward Sebastian's hair.
"It was great to see you," Sebastian says as he stands; it's always more fun when he gets Kurt on his own anyway, now that Blaine's back with a fresh coffee he won't get as many opportunities to snipe at Kurt.
"Oh, sure. See you, Sebastian," Blaine says, and Sebastian gives him a little salute as he walks away.
"Could you be a little nicer," he hears Blaine whispering behind him, "he's just trying to be friendly."
"Oh please, Captain Licentious only ever talks to us so he can hit on you and insult me."
Sebastian smirks at that. He's not so full of himself that he can't appreciate a good insult when he hears it, even when directed at himself. It's one of the reasons Kurt is so fun.
"Kurt, come on, don't be like that."
He takes a final glance over his shoulder as he walks through the door, sees Blaine moving to wrap an arm around Kurt and Kurt scoots his chair away a little, and he frowns. Watching their relationship slowly starting to fracture is much less satisfying than he thought it would be.
"Well look who it is," Sebastian smirks, standing in front of Kurt in the small waiting room. Kurt's eyes flit up from the copy of Vogue in his hands, a brief flash of surprise before recognition and then he's wordlessly looking back down at the magazine again.
"Well that's not very polite," Sebastian says, taking the seat next to Kurt and glancing at the open page. "I don't think you have the hips for that," he adds, looking at the model clad in a sparkly red dress taking up the whole page.
"Some people aren't worth the effort," Kurt retorts, eyes not leaving the magazine as he flips to the next page.
Sebastian sits back in his chair, tips his head to rest against the wall. "You really are more fun when Blaine is around," he decides. "Where is he, anyway?"
Again, Kurt doesn't respond.
"Oh, you don't know. Still fighting, I see. Still won't put out for him?"
Kurt snaps the magazine shut, turns to glare at Sebastian. "Our sex life is none of your business."
"Oh, so I'm right," he says with smirk.
"Just because some people have no problem sleeping with the first warm body they come across doesn't mean everybody else is so easy," Kurt spits, and usually his voice is so icy but there's something else in his voice, too, and holy shit they actually haven't had sex yet.
"No way," Sebastian says, barking out a laugh, "I'm right. You actually won't."
Kurt shoots him a fiery glare. "Some of us have more than a modicum of patience and actually want to wait for the right time," he says, cheeks flushed. How cute, he's embarrassed.
"You know, if it's causing you relationship issues I'd be more than happy to offer your boyfriend my services to take the pressure off you," Sebastian offers with a wide smirk.
Kurt's eyes go wide, shock and disgust and – hurt? – before he masks it again quickly, because that's something Kurt must have a lot of practice with; he knows masks well, he's not a stranger to them, either.
"I hardly think Blaine would be interested in such debauchery," Kurt says, opening the magazine again and staring at it hard, thought Sebastian can tell he's not really looking, and he isn't usually able to get under Kurt's skin like this.
"I never would have thought you such a prude, what with that stick shoved so far up your ass."
"Just because I won't let my boyfriend force me into having sex with him doesn't mean I'm a prude," Kurt shoots back, and just as soon as he says it he seems to realize what he said and his eyes go wide.
Sebastian is actually at a loss of what to say, he just stares back at Kurt. This isn't banter, this is... well, is Blaine actually trying to force Kurt to sleep with him? Because that doesn't seem Blaine's style. But he remembers that night in the parking lot at Scandals, and he remembers the times since then when he's noticed Kurt flinching at Blaine's touch, or moving himself further away, or wrapping his arms around himself protectively, and shit.
"As lovely as this has been, Sebastian, I have to go," Kurt says icily, standing, and Sebastian sees a woman – Kurt's stepmother, maybe? – give a small wave as Kurt strides past and toward her, arm linking with hers as they make their way out the door.
He sits there alone, thinking. Shit. Blaine is really... shit. Sebastian knows he can be an asshole, but he also knows that there needs to be a line drawn somewhere. And that line definitely needs to be drawn before forcing people to have sex with you. Because that's sexual assault. That's rape. And Kurt is scared. He leans forward, rests his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. Now what? It's not like he can have a friendly heart to heart with Kurt Hummel; the boy would hardly listen to him, anyway. But he needs to try, right? Sebastian is all for casual sex nowadays, has no problem going to a bar and finding a guy to hook up with on a weekend, but he remembers being younger, he remembers... well, he remembers when he wasn't ready for that. And he remembers what it feels like when someone else doesn't care. And he wouldn't wish that on anyone.
The next time Sebastian sees Kurt, he's at Dalton with Blaine. Sebastian's not really sure why they're at Dalton; they transferred to McKinley for a reason, right? But he doesn't really care about the why; he just needs a chance to get Kurt alone.
"Hey, Blaine. Kurt," he greets them as he approaches where they stand, reading a notice posted on one of the hallway doors.
The boys turn to look at him, Kurt rolling his eyes and crossing his arms across his chest as Blaine says, "Oh hey, maybe you can help, I was trying to find Ms. Bishop, I have to get her to sign a form for me. Did she switch classrooms?"
"Yeah, she did. I'll walk with you," he says, ushering for Blaine and Kurt to walk down the hall with him.
They make their way down a couple hallways, up a flight of stairs, down another hallway, and then they're standing outside a different classroom and Sebastian says, "Here it is."
"Thanks," Blaine says with a smile, then to Kurt, "I'll just be a minute," and then he's heading inside the room.
Kurt leans against the wall beside the door, head tipped back, apparently trying his best to ignore Sebastian.
"You know you can leave him."
Kurt's head snaps toward Sebastian, his expression incredulous. "Excuse me?"
"You don't have to stay with him," Sebastian says simply.
Kurt actually snorts his derision, "You know, I at least respected that you were passably creative in your attempts to steal my boyfriend, but this is sad even for you."
"If I were seriously trying to steal your boyfriend, Mickey Mouse, you'd have been broken up with a long time ago," because he can't help it. Kurt just rolls his eyes, rests his head back against the wall and stares at the ceiling.
Sebastian wets his lips; as much fun as it would be to keep this up, he needs Kurt to understand this. "Look, Kurt, I... I'm serious. If he's not... don't let him make you do anything you don't want to."
Kurt tips his head back down, stares at Sebastian, eyes filled with suspicion. "I have no idea what your angle is here, but I guarantee you it's not working."
"No angle. I just know what it's... I don't want anything to happen."
Kurt's face is a mask of suspicion, but he sees the confusion in his eyes before the understanding hits, then the brief flare of panic, and then a whole new mask of bored annoyance, again, the mask he usually wears for Sebastian, as Blaine is coming out of the classroom.
Kurt offers Blaine a tight smile, "Ready to go?"
"Yeah," Blaine says, smiling back. "It was good to see you," to Sebastian.
"See you around," Sebastian nods, and watches the pair make their way down the hall, Blaine reaching an arm to wrap around Kurt's waist and Kurt pushing it away back to Blaine's side.
Kurt and Blaine don't break up. Sebastian still sees them around the Lima Bean sometimes, still sits at their table and swaps insults with Kurt when Blaine gets up for a new coffee. Still sees the tension between the two boys. But there's only so much he can do, he and Kurt aren't friends, he can't make Kurt break up with Blaine, and of course if he tried Kurt wouldn't trust his motivations anyway. But the truth is, Sebastian doesn't even like Blaine anymore, not really. He's not sure if he ever did, if he's honest with himself. Blaine is just boring, to put it simply. Easy to get a blush out of, but he's too plain. No depth. If he really thinks about it – which he tries not to do – then he has to admit to himself that the reason he still talks to the pair isn't for Blaine, but it's for Kurt. Kurt is sharp, witty, fun and interesting, and though he'd never admit it out loud... Kurt is not half bad looking. He tells himself that he's just trying to be a good person, keep an eye on the other boy and make sure he's okay, and maybe that's partly true, maybe it has nothing to do with the interest that he's taken in Kurt... but then again, maybe that does have something to do with it.
He's at a Warbler party, and for God knows what reason all the Warblers love Blaine, which means Blaine gets invited even though he's no longer a Warbler. And because Blaine is here, Kurt is here. He's not sure if Blaine insists on taking Kurt everywhere, or if Kurt insists on not letting Blaine go anywhere near Sebastian without Kurt present if he can do anything about it, but he doesn't really care either way; Kurt's here, so the evening will be fun. Though, come to think of it, he hasn't actually seen the two boys in a while. But it's a big house – Jeff's parents are away for the week, so they have free rein – and people are all over the place, so he's not really concerned. He swirls the liquid in his cup, downs the rest of it, then makes his way back upstairs toward the kitchen.
He's walking through the hallway to the kitchen when he hears the dull thud behind the closed door. He pauses, hears a groan, smirks; someone's getting it on in there. He's about to continue down the hall when he hears another sound; a voice, a soft stop, and he freezes. He takes a step closer to the door, presses his ear against it and listens.
"Want you." Blaine's voice.
"No, Blaine, stop." Kurt's voice, strained, pleading.
"Wanna make you feel good," Blaine says, voice muffled.
"I don't want – no, Blaine." Kurt again, and Sebastian can hear the panic rising in his voice, and he's not going to stand outside this door doing nothing while this happens on the other side.
"Blaine, there's someone – stop it, no," Kurt says, pleading still, scared, but Blaine doesn't seem to care.
"Just ignore it, they'll go away." Blaine cuts himself off with a groan, and Kurt whimpers, but it sounds more fearful than pleasurable, and that is absolutely enough of this.
He tries the doorknob; it opens. God bless drunk people and their lack of foresight.
He steps through the doorway, locks eyes with Kurt, pinned against the wall by Blaine's body, Blaine's mouth on his throat, Blaine's hand down his pants. Kurt's eyes are wide with shock and fear and panic and wet with tears.
"Hey, Blaine, what the hell?" Sebastian asks, voice raised, striding across the room. He grabs Blaine by the shoulder, pulls him away from Kurt. "What the hell are you doing?"
Blaine takes a step backward, shrugs Sebastian's hand off his shoulder. "What are you... what the hell are you doing?" Blaine asks, bewildered.
"I'm making sure you don't rape your boyfriend," Sebastian spits back at him.
Blaine's eyes widen in shock. "You – I – what? I would never –"
"Oh stop it, Blaine. I know what I heard and I know what I saw," Sebastian cuts him off.
"This is ridiculous," Blaine splutters, "we were just –"
"Get out, Blaine."
"Like hell I'm leaving," Blaine says.
"I said get the fuck out, Blaine," Sebastian repeats more forcefully, shoving Blaine toward the door.
"You can't tell me what I can and can't do with my boyfrien–"
"I swear to god Blaine if you say one more word you will not live to regret it, get the fuck out of this room."
Blaine stares him down for a few moments, before finally he turns away. "This is ridiculous," he mutters, stalking out of the room.
Sebastian walks back across the room, pushes the door closed, and when he turns back to Kurt, the other boy is crumpled on the floor, back against the wall, knees pulled to his chest, shaking with silent sobs. What the hell has Sebastian gotten himself into?
"Hey, um, are you... okay?" Sebastian asks, standing awkwardly above Kurt. He doesn't do comforting, but he can't very well leave the boy alone here in this state, and he doesn't want to chance leaving the room to find someone else in case Blaine comes back first, and okay, maybe part of him wants to be the one to help Kurt.
Kurt doesn't respond, just stays where he is, crying into his hands.
Sebastian shuffles on his feet in front of Kurt for a moment, not sure what to do, until finally he slides down the wall and sits beside him. He stays there, silent, waits as Kurt's sobs slowly turn to sniffles and he's wiping at his eyes with his hands.
"Did he hurt you?" Sebastian asks, eyes still straight ahead, but he sees Kurt turn to look at him in his peripheral vision.
"Like you care," Kurt says with a huff, voice watery.
"I do, actually," Sebastian counters, turning to look Kurt in the eye. "I do," a little softer.
"Why are you being nice to me?" Kurt asks, pulling his eyes away from Sebastian and tipping his head back, staring up at the ceiling.
Sebastian mirrors his movements, stares at the ceiling as well. "I just know that... I didn't want anything to happen. To you."
Kurt is silent for a while, and Sebastian almost thinks he's not going to say anything else, until quietly, "Thank you."
"You really don't have to stay with him, you know. You could do a lot better," Sebastian says, tipping his head to the side to look at Kurt and smirk.
Kurt snorts indelicately. "Did you fall and smack your head?"
"Maybe," Sebastian says, looking back to the ceiling.
Apparently, Kurt did break up with Blaine after that. Sebastian found out when he'd approached a sullen-looking Blaine at the Lima Bean one afternoon, and when he'd asked where his more effeminate other half was, Blaine said they'd broken up. He'd left Blaine to sulk over his coffee after that; Blaine on a normal day is a bore, but a depressed Blaine with no Kurt around sounded like absolute torture and he has better things to do with his time.
But today it's Kurt who's sitting alone at a table in the Lima Bean, so Sebastian makes his way over and sits in the chair opposite him. Kurt looks up, meets his eye, gives him an oh, you look with an eyebrow cocked.
"Heard you broke up with your boyfriend," Sebastian says, forgoing a greeting.
"You must be thrilled," Kurt says, looking back down at his coffee and swirling the liquid in his cup.
"I've heard worse news," Sebastian muses, sipping his own coffee.
They sit in silence for a few minutes, each sipping their coffee, before Kurt looks up and speaks again. "Why are you here, Sebastian?"
Sebastian sets his cup down, meets Kurt's eyes. "You know, I'm still trying to figure that out myself." It's not entirely a lie; he is still trying to figure it out. But deep down, he's pretty sure he knows exactly why he feels so drawn to the boy sitting across the table, hands wrapped around a cup of coffee.
Kurt makes a noncommittal noise, takes another sip of his coffee as he contemplates the words. "You know, you're not so bad when you're not actively antagonistic," he muses.
"And you're not so bad when you don't have a whiny puppy dog following you around everywhere," Sebastian shoots back, and Kurt raises his eyebrows questioningly. Sebastian just shrugs. "He got boring after a while. You're much more... interesting."
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Well, I'm glad I interest you, Sebastian," Kurt says, standing with his cup. "As delightful as I find your company, I have to go now."
He sits at the table, coffee in hand, and watches as Kurt strides across the coffee shop, drops his empty cup in the trash bin, then walks through the door. He wonders what he ever saw in Blaine, how he missed Kurt, sitting right next to Blaine the whole time, right under his nose and he didn't even notice until he did and now he sees.
Sebastian had sent Kurt a friend request on Facebook, and miraculously, by the grace of a god that Sebastian doesn't believe in, Kurt had accepted it. They've been messaging back and forth for over a month now, and they've even been seeing each other at least once a week. And he feels... different. It's not like it's been with every other guy he's ever talked to. Usually he finds a hot guy, and they get talking, and it's not long before they're hooking up, and it's usually not even that good, and they aren't usually very interesting anyway, and then he's just bored and he moves on. It was like that with Blaine, in a way, except they never actually hooked up, he just got bored.
But it's not like that with Kurt. Not that he doesn't want to hook up with Kurt; he's finally admitted to himself that Kurt is hot, and he would happily sleep with the other boy, but he knows Kurt isn't ready for that, doesn't want that, and he's... surprisingly okay with it. And it's fucking weird. He could talk to Kurt all day, about nothing, and still feel like the day was well spent. He could spend a whole day with Kurt and not even touch him and it wouldn't bother him at all. And this is so unlike Sebastian that it's freaking him out a bit. He wants to have sex with Kurt, yes, but he also just wants to hold his hand, run his fingers through his hair, oh god kiss him, take him out to dinner and go home after to curl up together on the couch and watch a movie and kiss him and this has never been him, but this is what Kurt is doing to him, and he's tried to reason with himself but there's no way out of it; he caught feelings.
Sebastian, surprisingly, has never had a boyfriend. He's slept with a lot of guys, sure. He's had guys want to be his boyfriend. He's just never been interested. He likes to keep people at a distance, doesn't like letting anyone in, doesn't want anyone to really know him, but he wants Kurt to know him. They've talked a lot, some about Kurt's relationship with Blaine, and Kurt has opened up a bit about it; Blaine was getting pushy about sex. There was the sexual assaults outside Scandals and at that party – both of which Kurt is still refusing to acknowledge as sexual assault, despite Sebastian's insistence that that's exactly what they were – as well as a few other less severe and less drunk incidents that Kurt has shared some detail about. And while Kurt still won't call it what Sebastian knows it is, he at least acknowledges that it wasn't right, and Sebastian knows that this is hard to deal with, so he doesn't push for more.
He's sort of amazed at how well they get along. He'd almost expected them to be back to insulting each other with every second word after a week, but it never happened. They still snipe at each other of course, neither one able to pass up a good opportunity to roast the other, but it's much more lighthearted than it had once been, and they're usually smiling as they do it, and god that smile and god what is wrong with him gushing about another boy's smile but he seriously cannot help it because have you seen Kurt's smile?
They're sitting on the couch in Sebastian's living room, the credits to some particularly gory horror film that neither of them paid that much attention to rolling; Kurt spent the whole time hiding behind a blanket, and Sebastian spent the whole time laughing at Kurt's disgust.
"I really don't understand the appeal of movies like this," Kurt complains, "it's just gross. How can you watch this?"
Sebastian laughs. "I didn't, really. I mostly just watched your reaction."
Kurt shoots him a glare. "You really are such an ass, you know that?"
"At least I'm no pussy," Sebastian shoots back.
"You are incorrigible," Kurt grumbles, rolls his eyes, flops his head back onto the couch.
Sebastian watches Kurt, head thrown back, throat stretched out, long and pale. Watches Kurt's chest rise and fall with his breaths, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. He shifts on the couch, closer to Kurt. Kurt tilts his head to the side as he feels Sebastian's weight shifting, meets Sebastian's eyes. Sebastian lifts a hand, brushes a stray hair from Kurt's face, then leaves his hand resting against Kurt's cheek. He watches Kurt's eyes, sees them flick down to his lips then back up. His own eyes flicker down to Kurt's lips as he parts them ever so slightly and wets them subconsciously. He leans forward, slowly, eyes fluttering closed, closing the distance between them. He presses his lips, ever so gently, to Kurt's. A sweet, simple, chaste kiss, and then he pulls pack, hand still resting on Kurt's cheek. He opens his eyes, stares back into Kurt's. They stay just like that for a moment, soft breaths ghosting over lips and skin, and then Kurt leans forward, presses his lips more firmly to Sebastian's, threads his fingers into Sebastian's hair and holds him there. Sebastian runs his tongue along Kurt's lower lip, and Kurt parts his lips, their tongues swirling together.
It was only a kiss, but somehow it was so much more, too.
In which Sebastian Smythe has a tendency to throw up his walls and push people away when he's hurt.
A/N: We're back with chapter 2! This chapter is a bit shorter than the first. Chapter 1 was originally intended to be a standalone piece, but I had so much fun writing it, and enough of you seemed to want more, so I decided to continue it!
This time around we get some of Kurt's perspective.
I think last night was a mistake
Kurt stares down at the phone in his hand and hits send. Then he throws it onto his bed, out of reach, and covers his face with his hands. What is he doing? He's been single for less than two months, and he's already thinking about another guy, and that guy is Sebastian Smythe. What is he doing?
Sebastian has been... surprisingly helpful, really, this past month or so they've been talking. And really, before Kurt broke up with Blaine, Sebastian was... less awful than he used to be. But Sebastian still was awful, right? And he's done a lot to make up for that, Sebastian has been a good friend to Kurt, but there's still something in the back of his mind, wondering, what's the catch? Because Sebastian has spent almost the entire time he's known Kurt trying to steal Blaine from him. And now he could have Blaine but he's just wasting his time with Kurt and Kurt just doesn't get it. And then he kissed him last night, and Kurt kissed him back, and something just felt right. And Kurt is terrified.
What would Blaine think? He keeps trying to tell himself he shouldn't care what Blaine thinks, but it's really not that easy. Blaine was his first boyfriend. His first love. And he knows he wasn't happy, it was the right decision – when he manages to be really honest with himself, he knows he was scared of what might have happened had he stayed – but he can't just stop caring about someone who meant so much to him. And that's the biggest problem, really; he does still care about Blaine. Maybe it's not the same, never will be the same, and he's never getting back together with Blaine – he can't – but he still feels for Blaine, and he can't do that to himself, can't do that to Sebastian.
The phone buzzing on his bed pulls him from his thoughts, and he stares at it with wide eyes for a few minutes before finally, slowly, he stands from the chair at his vanity and walks to his bed, takes a seat, takes a deep breath, and picks up the phone.
Calm down it's not like I'm your boyfriend now
Kurt blinks down at the text. He supposes Sebastian has a point, but it just felt like more while it was happening, and they didn't talk about it so he assumed it meant something, Sebastian knows him and knows that he thinks things like that mean something, and –
You know you can make out with a guy just for fun, right Mother Teresa? Don't be such a prude
Oh. Well then. He knows he shouldn't feel bad for not being ready for sex. He knows, logically, that there's no problem with waiting until he's ready. But fuck if it doesn't sting when someone points it out, acts like he's a child or immature or a prude or naïve because of it, and Sebastian doesn't really do it anymore so it catches him off guard and it's worse now because they're friends.
Or was this what Sebastian wanted? Maybe he'd decided Kurt was a more fun challenge than Blaine, wanted to play with his head, see how far he could get, and Kurt just let him – no. No, he knows Sebastian now, knows Sebastian wouldn't do that, they're friends. God, they're friends, it was just a dumb mistake, why does Kurt have to make such a big deal out of nothing?
He's not sure how to respond. He sits there for a while, loses track of time rereading the message, trying to decide on a reply, until finally he gives up and puts the phone down on his bedside table and flops onto the bed, burying his head in a pillow. He'll respond later.
If he doesn't want this to change anything between them, why is he upset Sebastian thinks it's nothing?
They're walking through the park, enjoying the crisp autumn air, and Kurt is just glad he managed to convince Sebastian to do something with him. He can't help but feel that Sebastian has been pushing him away since the night they kissed, and he doesn't want to lose his friend; as weird as it is to think that about Sebastian Smythe of all people, they have become friends, and it's true.
Kurt holds his coffee in both hands, letting the heat from the cup warm his fingers. "I always loved this time of year. The colours are so pretty."
"You're such a girl," Sebastian says.
Kurt turns to look at the other boy, but Sebastian is staring straight ahead, not even a smirk on his face. Kurt frowns. Of course they still banter, Kurt wouldn't have their friendship any other way, but since they've actually become friends and Kurt told him how much he hated the girly jokes, Sebastian had made a point to avoid them. It was actually kind of sweet, in a weird way.
"Enjoying nature has nothing to do with gender," he replies, taking a sip of his coffee.
Sebastian doesn't respond. They continue walking along the path, a few runners passing them at their leisurely pace. It's an uncomfortable silence, Kurt just wants Sebastian to talk, to say something, he doesn't know why this is such a big deal if Sebastian himself said it wasn't a big deal. Why won't he talk to him?
"I never did understand how anyone could enjoy running. I guess I see the appeal of getting outside, but you can just go for a walk and then not worry about getting all sweaty and ruining your joints. And you can still wear all the cute workout clothes doing yoga or something," he tries again.
Sebastian scoffs at that. "You would be the guy doing yoga, wouldn't you?"
Kurt stops then, finally, turns to look at Sebastian, because this is ridiculous. "What's your problem?"
Sebastian stops then, too, levels a condescending look at Kurt. "I don't have a problem. But you know what, I have to go now anyway. Bye, Kurt."
Then Sebastian is just walking away, back toward the parking lot, leaving Kurt standing there, cooling coffee cup in his hands and a deeper frown on his face. He needs to fix this, whatever this is, but how?
Kurt convinces Sebastian to meet him at the Lima Bean the next week after school, so now they're sitting together in another awkward silence, slowly sipping on their coffees.
"Kurt?" the familiar voice comes from behind him, and he turns in his chair to see Blaine approaching.
"Blaine," Kurt says dumbly, surprised, not really sure what else he could say. He hasn't really spoken to Blaine since their breakup. A few short words here and there at school when it couldn't be avoided, but other than that, nothing. He's made a point to keep his distance. But he's also tried hard to make sure none of the other Glee clubbers are picking sides. He knows Blaine transferred to McKinley to be with him, could have stayed at Dalton, and Kurt still cares; he doesn't want Blaine to hate coming to school every day, he still wants Blaine to have friends even if he doesn't want to be one of them. And actually, come to think of it, it's kind of weird that he hasn't run into Blaine here until now, because they used to come here all the time together, but... maybe that's why he's been avoiding it.
"You're, um...," Blaine starts, stops himself, swallows and rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly before trying again, "You look good."
Kurt's cheeks redden a little at the compliment. "Thanks."
"Can I... sit?" Blaine asks, shooting a glance at Sebastian before looking back at Kurt.
"Oh! I, um...," Kurt starts, but then trails off, turns back to look at Sebastian.
"Yeah, whatever. I was just leaving anyway," Sebastian says, standing up and leaving the still half-full mug on the table. "Frodo. Galadriel," he says, glancing unamusingly between the two boys, and then he's gone before Kurt can argue.
Blaine takes the vacant seat, pushing the mud aside, and linking his own hands together on the table in front of him, fidgeting with his thumbs. "So, how have you been?"
"Fine," Kurt says with a small nod, "you?"
"I'm good," Blaine replies. They sit in awkward silence for a moment, and got Kurt is starting to hate awkward silences, before Blaine speaks again. "Was he, uh, bothering you?"
Kurt blinks hard, looks at Blaine a bit confused before he realizes that Blaine doesn't know they're friends. Kurt's other friends know, of course, and they'd all been in shock when he'd told them, and he'd kind of just assumed that Blaine would have heard about it, but apparently he hasn't.
"Oh, no he wasn't, we um... we're friends now."
Blaine raises his eyebrows. "You're... friends."
"Yeah." Kurt nods, takes a sip of his coffee, just for an excuse to not have to say anything else.
"You're friends with Sebastian Smythe?" Blaine asks carefully.
"You hate him," Blaine reminds him.
"He's... not so bad," Kurt argues.
Blaine frowns. "So, what, you break up with me so you can get together with him?"
Kurt's eyes widen in shock. "What? No! We're not together, god Blaine, we're just friends."
"You're just friends with Sebastian Smythe," Blaine says, rolling his eyes.
"You were friends with him," Kurt points out.
"Yeah, until he brainwashed my boyfriend and stole him from me," Blaine spits back at him.
"I am not brainwashed, and he did not steal me from you," Kurt says, voice rising a bit in frustration.
"Well what other explanation do you have for all of this?" Blaine huffs. "We had everything together, Kurt, everything, and you ruined that, and I can't for the life of me figure out why."
"Maybe if you ever listened to me you would know!" Kurt is just shy of yelling, and they're definitely drawing a lot of attention from the other patrons by now but he just doesn't care. "I'm a big boy and I can make my own decision, and I wasn't happy."
"I can make you happy, Kurt, you just have to let me! I love you, I want to be with you!"
"Well maybe I don't love you anymore!" The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them, and he realizes with certainty that wasn't there before, for the first time since their break-up, that he really doesn't love Blaine anymore.
The two boys stare back at each other wordlessly, Blaine wide-eyed. And then Kurt stands, takes a final look at Blaine, and leaves the coffee shop without another word.
Sebastian is at Kurt's house. It's the first time Kurt has been able to convince him to do anything other than go for a coffee in the past month, and he had to practically beg the other boy to come over. They have the house to themselves, and they're curled up on opposite ends of the couch, watching as the credits roll at the end of Sweeney Todd.
"Do you want to watch another movie?" Kurt asks, glancing over at Sebastian.
"Whatever," Sebastian mutters, not looking back at Kurt.
Kurt frowns. He's getting sick of this. "We can do something else if you want. We don't have to watch a movie, but since you seem to have no interest in actually talking to me I thought that was the best compromise."
"I don't care, Kurt. Whatever," Sebastian shoots back at him, finally turning to meet Kurt's gaze with a look of annoyance.
"Why are you even here?"
"Because you asked me to come," Sebastian points out.
"Yeah, because I wanted to spend time with my friend, not some asshole who can barely bring himself to say five words to me!" Kurt says, exasperated.
"We're not friends, Kurt. We were never friends," Sebastian spits the words at him, like he can't get the awful taste out of his mouth, "you just needed someone to make you feel good about yourself until Blaine Anderson came crawling back to you to apologize."
Kurt's jaw drops, the anger flushed out of his body in an instant. "... What?"
"Oh come on, Tinkerbell, don't act like you're surprised I figured it out. Blaine's back, you got what you wanted, stop wasting my fucking time." Sebastian stands then, moves toward the doorway.
"Sebastian, stop," Kurt says, standing and following behind him, "that's not – I don't want to be with Blaine, Seb, come on, you're the one who made me realize I could break up with him! You can't seriously think that–"
"I'm not an idiot, Kurt," Sebastian snaps, spinning back around to face Kurt, "you had no problem ditching me for him at the Lima Bean the other day, don't even think for a second I don't know exactly how this ends."
"How what ends? Sebastian, I didn't ditch you, you left! Nobody asked you to do that! I didn't want you to do that!"
"Yeah, right." Sebastian laughs darkly, turns again, continues toward the door. "You know, Kurt, for a minute there I actually thought maybe this could work, you know? But who was I kidding. Of course you're all over Blaine the second he manages to weasel his way back into your life. I should have known. Guess I am an idiot."
"Seb, you're not – god you are infuriating – you're not an idiot, but I am not going back to Blaine. After you left I got in a fight with him! About you! And I told him I don't love him anymore, and I got up, and I left!"
Sebastian doesn't reply to that, just continues on his way, reaching the closet in the entryway and pulling out his jacket.
"I don't know what I did to you, Sebastian, but I wish you would just tell me, because you were acting like this before Blaine even showed up and we both know it. What is your problem?"
Sebastian shrugs on his jacket, still not facing Kurt. "I don't have a problem. "
"You sure? Could have fooled me."
Sebastian turns to face Kurt again as he zips his jacket. "You want to know what my problem is, Kurt? I like you. Okay? There, are you happy now? I like you. I am falling in love with you. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Kurt is quiet for a few beats, the anger once again drained from him, as he stares back wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the other boy. "You...," he starts, but then trails off.
"See, this is why I didn't say anything. Fuck this. I'm not hanging around waiting for you and Blaine to get back together."
"What are you, Sebastian, twelve? We're not in elementary school, god, you don't just bully the kid you have a crush on, you could have talked to me!"
"Oh please, Miranda Priestly, if I were bullying you, you'd know it."
"You are unbelievable," Kurt says, crossing his arms.
"And we're done," Sebastian says simply, pulling the front door open and then slamming it in his face without another word.
Kurt pulls the door open again, steps outside to see Sebastian making his way to his car. "Sebastian, wait! Come back! We can – we can talk about this, don't just leave!"
Sebastian doesn't reply, doesn't even acknowledge that he hears Kurt, just pulls open his car door and climbs in, starting up the engine. Kurt stands outside the doorway, watches as Sebastian pulls out onto the road and drives away.
He lifts a hand to his face, covers his mouth as the tears start to fall. Shit. What has he done? If things weren't a mess before, they definitely are now.
Apologies for the wait! I'm posting this story as I write it, which is unusual for me; I tend to complete my fics before I start posting, but since this was initially a one-shot that I decided to continue, the situation is a little different. I appreciate your patience. We're back to Sebastian's perspective.
I've added some new tags covering some content in this chapter as well as content that I plan on incorporating in later chapters. Please check out the updated tags and heed those warnings; things are going to get worse before they get better, and I don't plan on this being a light and fluffy story.
Sebastian keeps his eyes glued to the road ahead. He can't look back, doesn't want to see Kurt standing on the front step watching him leave, waiting for him to come back and talk. Because if he sees that, he actually might turn around and go back, and he just can't.
He can't do this. It's gone too far already, Sebastian doesn't do feelings, what the hell was he thinking letting it get this far?
He slams his hand into the steering wheel in frustration; the horn honks loudly, startling him, and the woman driving the oncoming car gives him a confused look as she passes. He huffs an irritated sigh and runs a hand back through his hair. This is why he doesn't do feelings.
Why was he so stupid? Of course Kurt would never like him back, of course Kurt thought the kiss was a mistake, of course Kurt doesn't want him, god, who would? He's attractive, and he knows that, and lots of people do want him, but they don't want him like that, like how he wants Kurt, like how he wants Kurt to want him. Even the ones who have tried to be his boyfriend, he knows they don't really want that, can't really want that, they don't know him, if they did they would know better. And Kurt, well, Kurt is the closest anyone has ever come to knowing him, so of course Kurt won't want him.
Kurt's not stupid. He's one of the smartest people Sebastian knows. So of course he noticed that Sebastian has been pushing him away. And Kurt isn't like Sebastian – he actually cares about people. He just wants to help, and god, what is Sebastian doing? None of this is fair to Kurt. All this is doing is hurting Kurt. Sebastian went from trying to steal Kurt's boyfriend, to just trying to get them to break up, to trying to be Kurt's friend, to kissing him – and god that kiss was everything but he can't think about that – to pushing him away again, and Kurt is too good, he doesn't deserve this, and Sebastian doesn't deserve him even if Kurt wanted him back.
He's thankful campus is quiet when he gets back; he's able to make his way to his room without running into anyone. He's also thankful for his single room, knowing he won't have to deal with a roommate coming back. He closes the door a little too forcefully behind himself, then shrugs out of his jacket and hangs it back in his closet. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket, and pulls it out to check the message; it's from Kurt.
Can we just talk about this?
No. No, they can't just talk about this. Kurt was right, the kiss was a mistake, everything has been a mistake. He blocks Kurt's number, he can't deal with this right now, then starts rooting through his dresser in search of his running clothes. He needs to get out of here, blow off some steam, distract himself before he puts his fist through the wall. Running always helps him calm down.
It's been two weeks, and Sebastian hasn't spoken to Kurt once, but he has blocked him on Facebook in addition to blocking his number; Kurt must have realized Sebastian wasn't getting his texts, so he'd sent him a Facebook message after the first week. Part of him still feels bad; he knows it's childish, and this isn't fair to Kurt. He knows Kurt deserves more of an explanation than he gave him, deserves any explanation, but Sebastian just can't. And Kurt is probably glad he's not around anymore, anyway; wouldn't anyone be? He's sure Kurt was only reaching out from some unfounded sense of obligation; Kurt is a good person, that's the kind of thing he would do.
Too good for Sebastian.
He really needs to stop thinking about this. He needs to get over this, whatever this is, and then he can move on with his life. He needs to get back to what he does best. This isn't him.
He runs his hands over his hair, smoothing it out in the mirror a final time before he heads out for the night. To Scandals. Because that's what he was doing with his Friday nights before Kurt, and if he has any hope of getting over the other boy, he figures this is the way to do it. This is the way to forget.
He drives himself to the bar – he's not an idiot, he knows not to drink and drive, he'll come back for the car in the morning – and it's busy when he arrives. He smiles to himself; he hates getting here early, before the crowd shows up. He makes his way inside, the bouncer at the front not even bothering to ask for an ID since he's been here so many times. He heads to the bar, orders a beer, and sits back on a stool as he takes a sip; he doesn't usually need to go looking for a guy here, they tend to come to him.
It's not long before a man – and that is the proper term, the person standing before him is far past the age where he could be considered a boy – approaches Sebastian at the bar, taking a seat next to him. "Hey gorgeous," the man says, eyeing Sebastian up and down.
Sebastian returns the look, running his eyes noticeably over the man's body before he responds. "Hi." He likes to make them work for it a little.
"You all alone tonight?" the man asks, angling himself further toward Sebastian.
"I am," Sebastian says, taking a swig of his beer and then placing the empty bottle on the bar top, pushing it away.
"What's a pretty boy like you doing all alone on a Friday night?"
"Trying to find someone worth my time," Sebastian says with a smirk.
"Ah," the man says with a chuckle, "I see. That can be hard to do in this place."
"Exceptionally so," Sebastian agrees.
"Sometimes you'll get lucky and find a real gem, though," the man comments, and Sebastian feels the eyes on him, roaming over his body; it's one of the parts he likes best about this game he plays. It always makes him feel so powerful, knowing what he does to these men, knowing what he's giving to them. Because he's choosing this, he wants this, nobody can take anything from him if he gives it freely. Men like this want him, he wants them to want him, he wants to give them what they want because it makes him feel strong.
"Is that so?" he asks, playing along with the game he knows so well.
"It sure is," the man confirms, shifting closer again and placing a hand on Sebastian's thigh.
"What's your name?"
"The name's Robert," the man informs him, "but you can call me Rob. Or you can call me daddy, or whatever you want, really."
Sebastian suppresses the urge to roll his eyes. So it's one of those. "Think I'll stick with Rob."
"How about you, sweetheart? Got a name?"
He'd considered going by a different name when he started coming here, but had ultimately decided against it; there was always a chance he'd slip up, and the possibility of running into someone he knows, and then there was the time he'd brought Blaine and Kurt– he needs to stop thinking about this.
"Sebastian," the man repeats, "why don't you let me buy you a drink?" The hand moves a little further up his thigh.
"I think I've had enough for the night," Sebastian replies easily, indifferently.
"Night's only young," the man comments, giving his thigh a squeeze, "and so are you. Can't be turning in this early, are you?"
"I wasn't planning on it," Sebastian says, then gives the man a dark look, "unless you had somewhere in mind?"
The man chuckles, a little taken aback by Sebastian's forwardness no doubt, but he's no less enthusiastic. "I just might. Let's get out of here, baby."
Rob hails them a cab – again, Sebastian isn't an idiot, he wouldn't have let the man drive him even if Rob had planned on it – and it's not long before they're pulling up to a small house in a modest subdivision. Roberts keeps his hands to himself until they're through the entryway, door locked securely behind them, and then there's hands touching his arms, shoulders, chest, back, anywhere they can find as he guides Sebastian through the house toward the bedroom. As they make their way through the halls, Sebastian sees the pictures – he's not an idiot – and it's clear this man has a wife and two young children. That's fine, it's not the first time Sebastian has been in this exact situation, and he's sure it won't be the last. As far as he's concerned, he's doing nothing wrong; Robert is the one cheating on his wife with a teenage boy. If it weren't Sebastian, it would be someone else, and at least Sebastian wants to be here.
He doesn't mention the wife. He's learned it doesn't usually go over well, so he pretends he doesn't see the photos on the walls.
He's gone early the next morning, before Robert even wakes up. These types of men always regret it in the morning, want him gone, so he's found it's easier to make himself scarce before they get the chance to kick him out. Of course, it's not like he wants to be there, either. This doesn't mean anything to him, it's just a hookup. Just a way to get off and get someone else off and deal with all the stress and the shit life throws at him. He doesn't need to hang around for tea and breakfast in the morning with some man who picks his daughter up from soccer practice every Thursday evening. But he doesn't usually feel so... hollow, after. Empty. He's usually indifferent, unfazed, smug if anything. But today, rather than feeling nothing, he feels like he's nothing, like he let this man use him, and it just feels gross. Dirty. Wrong.
He drives himself to the Lima Bean. It's the closest coffee shop, and he needs some coffee. It's early, and it's been a long time since he's had a drink – he hadn't been going to Scandal's since he'd started talking to Kurt – so he's sure he'll feel better once he's gotten some caffeine into his system. He pulls up to the curb, kills the engine, and climbs out of his car.
The little bell chimes as the door swings open and he enters, making his way to the line; only one person ahead of him, good. He wants to spend as little time here as possible. It's not long before he's ordered his coffee and is standing off to the side, waiting for the barista to call his name.
It's not the barista's voice. He whips his head around to look at the source; not that he needed to see him to know who it was, because he'd know Kurt's voice anywhere. As soon as he locks eyes with Kurt he wishes he hadn't turned, wishes he'd just ignored the other boy and maybe he would have gone away, but it's too late for that now. He doesn't say anything, just stares back at Kurt.
"I tried to call and text you, but you never answered," Kurt says a little helplessly as he approaches Sebastian.
"I've been busy," Sebastian says with a shrug, trying to come off as casually as he can.
"Oh," Kurt says softly. They stand there in awkward silence for a few moments before Kurt speaks again. "Do you, um... could we sit and talk?" he asks hesitantly.
"Can't," Sebastian says, looking over his shoulder to see if his coffee is almost ready, "I'm on my way home."
"Home?" Kurt's brow furrows. "It's eight in the morning."
"Yeah, I was out all night. Went home with a guy from Scandals," Sebastian provides, because maybe if Kurt can see that Sebastian has moved on then Kurt leave him alone.
He glances back over his shoulder again, partially looking for his coffee, but mostly to avoiding looking at Kurt's reaction to that; he looks upset, more so than Sebastian had thought he would be, but then maybe that was just because he'd expected better from Sebastian.
"Seb, just... I don't understand. I thought–"
"What did you think, Kurt?" Sebastian snaps at him. "Did you think I wanted to be your boyfriend and go for walks through the park and smell the flowers and bake cookies? Because if you knew anything about me, Kurt, anything, you'd know that's not who I am."
"I do know you, Sebastian, please, can we just talk about–"
"There's nothing to talk about, Kurt," Sebastian cuts him off. "This was never going to work, I mean, you're you, I don't know what I was thinking."
"What?" Kurt's voice is quiet and hollow, kind of like how he feels, but it's too late to stop now.
"Seriously, Kurt, come on, did you really expect this to be anything? I mean, yeah, it was fun for a while, but you're boring."
"You don't mean that," Kurt argues, though Sebastian can hear his voice wavering; he continues anyway.
"You don't think so? Do you know how many guys I've been with since I finally ditched you? It's like just being in your presence kills my libido for days at a time." Kurt doesn't have to know that Sebastian has only been with one person since he walked out of his house two weeks ago.
Kurt's face hardens; it's like he can see the walls going up, and it breaks his heart a little to know that he's the one doing this to Kurt, but he knows it's for the best. "Maybe if you had any sense of self-respect you wouldn't feel the need to go out and find yourself a different suitor every night."
"Maybe if you weren't such an uptight cunt you'd let someone stick it in your ass every now and then, have a sense of adventure, live a little for fuck's sake."
"Having standards doesn't make me uptight, Sebastian, it makes me sensible and not a complete moron. You should try it sometime."
"My standards are the only reason I never fucked you."
He knows it's too far the second it's out of his mouth, and he sees Kurt set his jaw, eyes icing over as he glares back at Sebastian.
"You know, for a second there, I actually thought you might be a good person."
"Joke's on you then, I guess."
"You really are an asshole."
"Sure did take you long enough to figure that out."
"Goodbye, Sebastian," Kurt says icily, turning on his heel and walking slowly toward the exit, trying to keep himself calm but Sebastian can see the slight tremor in his shoulders.
It kills him to do this, absolutely tears him up inside, but Kurt deserves better than him, and if this is what he needs to do to make Kurt realize that, well, this is what he'll do.
Back with another chapter from Kurt's perspective! My plan is to switch perspectives each chapter, so we get equal insight to both Kurt and Sebastian.
I've also decided to try to finish this fic for NaNoWriMo. That doesn't mean I'll be posting the whole thing this month, because I'll need time to edit and I'm going to have to dedicate as much time as I can to actually writing. But it does mean that I am making this story a priority, so you can have faith that it won't be abandoned!
Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)
Kurt makes it to his car before the first tear rolls down his cheek.
He just doesn't understand. They had been becoming so close, they were friends, and now they're this. He's not sure what he did wrong, what made Sebastian turn on him like this. Ever since that damn kiss everything has been wrong; he knew it was a mistake.
Sebastian must know how he feels. It's the only explanation that Kurt can think of. Sebastian knows Kurt has feelings for him. Of course he knows. Kurt has never been subtle about his feelings. Sure Blaine was oblivious at first, but... well, that's Blaine. Sebastian must know. And it must make him uncomfortable. It's the only explanation.
He kissed Kurt because he felt like it, because that's what Sebastian does; and Kurt doesn't really think there's a problem with that, but he also can't be that person for Sebastian when he feels like this about him. Of course it meant nothing to Sebastian, but Kurt must have been weird after that, right? He must have done something to give it away, and then Sebastian knew and clearly he was uncomfortable with it, and oh god he tried for so long to stay friends with Kurt but he just couldn't, and Kurt can't really blame him, it must have been so awkward for him. Hell, Sebastian probably knew Kurt's feelings before Kurt knew his feelings; he'd come to the right conclusions about Blaine long before Kurt had, and with much less information to go by, after all. So, he'd tried to be friends, and it was too much.
I like you. I am falling in love with you. Is that what you wanted to hear?
When Sebastian had said it, Kurt thought he meant it. He really, genuinely thought the other boy meant it, but he'd been a fool to think that.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
He knew. He knew. He knew that's what Kurt wanted to hear, but it's not true, of course it's not. It's what Kurt wanted to hear and he can't say it. Does he think he's doing Kurt a favour by staying away? Does he think he's helping Kurt get over him? Or is it just too weird for Sebastian to be friends with Kurt when he knows how he feels? If the other boy would just talk to him this would be so much easier, but, well... apparently that isn't going to work.
He wipes at the stray tears on his cheeks, takes a deep breath, and starts his car. If Sebastian wants nothing to do with him, he'll just have to get over it. It wouldn't be the first time the object of his affection wants nothing to do with him, and it certainly won't be the last.
He knows he's been moping. He's been trying not to think about Sebastian, but trying not to think about something just makes you think about it more. He needs a distraction.
He walks into the choir room and sees Blaine and Sam sitting together in their usual spots, chatting happily. He's glad the others haven't turned on Blaine after the breakup. The girls are on his side, of course, but they haven't been hostile toward his ex. And the guys haven't really taken sides at all. Finn made Kurt swear that the breakup wasn't because Blaine had hurt him – and Kurt figures he didn't really lie to his step-brother when he'd promised that wasn't the reason – so the boys have no reason to hold anything against Blaine. It's high school, couples break up, you're not supposed to stay with your high school boyfriend forever. If you picked two people from this choir room at random it was almost more likely that they had dated at one point than that they hadn't. And they're all still friends.
They're all still friends.
He should at least try to be friends with Blaine, right? They were best friends before they were boyfriends, and maybe dating Blaine wasn't going to work out, but they should still be friends, right? He can at least try. And maybe that will give him something to focus one while he tries to get over Sebastian.
"Is anyone sitting here?" he asks Blaine, gesturing to the empty chair beside him.
Blaine looks up at him, clearly surprised. "Uh... no. It's all yours."
"Thanks," Kurt says, offering Blaine a small smile as he takes a seat.
They've barely spoken since that one day in the Lima Bean. Blaine has been keeping his distance, they've only spoken when required for classes or Glee club and it's always been civil. Blaine has been seemingly respecting the boundaries Kurt has set, and he's pretty sure that's a big part of the reason that he's even considering being Blaine's friend again. Blaine must be hurting, and the fact that he's been giving Kurt his space – mostly respectfully, unlike a certain other person he needs to stop thinking about – is a big plus.
Sam and Blaine have stopped talking, and the silence is awkward, Sam is just staring between Kurt and Blaine, Blaine is staring straight ahead like he's not sure if he should talk to Kurt or pretend he's not there, and Kurt could almost laugh at how awkward the whole situation is.
"How are you?" Kurt asks.
Blaine turns his head to look at Kurt, still surprised but he also seems a little relieved that now he at least knows what he should be doing.
"I'm good. Um, how are you?"
"I'm good, too," Kurt replies.
Another awkward silence. They were best friends, it shouldn't be this hard to talk to Blaine.
"I was thinking, um," Kurt starts, "maybe we could get a coffee sometime?"
"Oh," Blaine says simply.
"Just as friends, of course," Kurt adds quickly, awkwardly, cheeks flushing, because apparently he's incapable of not embarrassing himself.
"Right, yeah, of course. Just as friends," Blaine agrees, "that would be nice. I'd like that."
"Okay, good," Kurt says.
Then Mr. Shue is at the front of the choir room interrupting their conversation, and for once Kurt is grateful for the man's presence.
"I was surprised you wanted to do this."
Blaine is sitting across from him at their usual – does it still count as their usual if they haven't come here together in months? – table at the Lime Bean. Kurt had followed through on his invitation for a coffee, just as friends, so here they are.
"Me too, honestly," Kurt replies.
Blaine raises his eyebrows a bit at that. "So why did you?"
"I think I just..." he starts, but trails off. There are so many answers to that question, some of which he doesn't want to share with Blaine, some of which he doesn't even fully understand himself. He decides to go with the simplest. "We used to be best friends. And we were best friends for a reason. I guess I just thought that maybe we should try to be friends again."
Blaine smiles; apparently that was a good answer.
"I really miss you, Kurt."
Kurt's not sure how to respond to that, because he still can't figure out if he does miss Blaine or not. Sometimes he thinks he does, but other times he's so okay with Blaine not being a part of his life anymore, and it's hard to figure his feelings out.
"What have you been up to?" Changing the subject seems like a safer option.
"Oh, um, not much I guess. I've been hanging out with Sam a lot. He's been really good for... well, you know."
"Yeah," Kurt agrees with an awkward nod – is everything about this going to be awkward?
"Sorry," Blaine says, "I probably shouldn't be... bringing that up, it's... sorry."
"No, it's... it's fine. You don't need to pretend we never dated, Blaine."
They sit there – awkwardly – for another minute, each sipping on their coffee and looking anywhere but at each other, and why is this so difficult? Being with Blaine shouldn't be so hard, it's never been hard, it's only ever been easy since the day they met.
Just another thing he's broken, he supposes. But at least in this case, the other person seems to be willing to let him fix things.
Blaine tips his head to the side a little, confused. "What? Why?"
"I've been... I'm not sorry for breaking up with you, I think... I think we needed that. Or, at least, I needed that. But I'm sorry for hurting you. And I'm sorry I haven't been... well, I guess I didn't need to push you away as much as I did."
"Kurt, hey," Blaine says, reaching his hand across the table and grabbing Kurt's, and it feels a little weird, he's not sure if Blaine did it intentionally or as a reflex, but he doesn't pull away, "it's okay. You don't need to apologize, it was... I get it. You needed some space. I understand. But, um... I am glad. That you want to be friends again." Blaine gives his hand a little squeeze – okay, so probably intentional – and shoots him a small smile.
Kurt smiles back. Blaine's hand is warm and familiar and once he's gotten past the weirdness of it all it is kind of nice, in a totally-platonic-not-at-all-romantic kind of way. Maybe they can get past the awkwardness and this will be okay after all.
Things have been getting progressively better. The awkward moments are few and far between now, and Kurt has been spending more and more time with Blaine as they've slowly gotten reacquainted with each other. They're out for a movie on this particular Friday evening. It was Blaine's idea, the theatre is playing classic musicals this week, so they're going to see Phantom of the Opera. Blaine had suggested Moulin Rouge at first, and Kurt had awkwardly – because there are still some awkward moments – talked him out of that because, well… he doesn't think they're quite there yet.
While Blaine is getting the tickets, Kurt is getting the popcorn. Somehow the concessions line is shorter than the box office line, so Kurt is standing off to the side, big bag of popcorn in hand, waiting.
He watches people walk by as he waits for Blaine; an elderly couple, parents with their two kids, a group of teens he vaguely recognizes from school but can't name. And then his eyes land on Sebastian. The other boy pauses in the middle of the lobby, scanning the crowd as he seemingly looks for someone, and then he sees Kurt, too. Their eyes lock and Kurt sees the surprised expression on Sebastian's face, fading to uncertainty. They stand there staring at each other across the room for what feels like forever but is really only a few seconds, and then Sebastian takes a step toward him, and is Sebastian actually coming over to talk to him?
"Hey, sorry that took so long! That line was crazy."
His head snaps to the side to look at the source of the sound. It's Blaine, not Sebastian, and Kurt jumps in surprise because he'd almost forgotten he was waiting for Blaine.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Blaine adds with a chuckle.
"Oh, no sorry, I was just distracted." He looks back to the spot where Sebastian had been, and the other boy is nowhere to be found. It's not like he'd actually been coming to talk to Kurt, anyway, he supposes. Sebastian has made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with him. "Are you ready to go in?"
"Yeah," Blaine replies with a warm smile, "let's go."
He had considered trying to text Sebastian when he got home that night, but he'd decided against it; Sebastian probably still had his number blocked, anyway. But he'd been doing so good, he thought, he hadn't been thinking about the other boy that often, and it had been… manageable. But seeing Sebastian brought him all the way back to square one. He needs to do something about this, because clearly he is not handling it.
He's at the sheet music store - with Blaine, of course, because it feels like he does everything with Blaine lately - looking for songs for Glee club. They've split up to cover more ground, and he's nose deep in a stack of sheet music when a friendly, excited voice pulls him back to reality.
"Hi, I'm sorry, I just had to say that I absolutely love that scarf you're wearing," the boy, who Kurt is sure he has never seen before, says, gesturing at the purple neck scarf tied snugly around his throat.
"Oh," Kurt says, smiling, "thank you." He's not used to random compliments from strangers; usually they're giving him dirty looks, if not completely ignoring his existence.
"I never would have thought to pair it with that outfit, but it just looks divine," the boy gushes.
"Thank you! I do love an unconventional pairing, it keeps a little excitement in my life." He's smiling wider now, he can't help it, the boy's energy is infectious.
The other boy giggles – actually giggles – as he nods his head in agreement. "You're so right, most people's fashion is just so boring, I always love seeing something new."
"Who's our new friend?"
Blaine lays a hand on Kurt's shoulder as he steps up beside him and looks at the other boy.
"Oh, this is, um… sorry, I didn't catch your name, actually."
"I'm Chandler!" the boy – Chandler – says, extending his hand for Kurt to shake.
"I'm Kurt," Kurt says, shaking Chandler's hand.
"Blaine," Blaine adds when Chandler reaches to shake his hand as well.
"Are you together?" Chandler asks, tipping his head to the side a little inquisitively.
"Oh, no, not together, just… we're just friends," Kurt says quickly.
"Oh, okay," Chandler says cheerfully, "in that case, I'm not usually so bold but I just have to ask, could I get your number?"
"Oh. Um, yeah, sure." He's never just been asked for his number like that; or ever, really. But Chandler seems friendly enough, so he doesn't see the harm in it. He feels Blaine give him a look, but he ignores it. Blaine doesn't get a say in who he gives his number to.
Chandler hands him his phone, and he types in his name and number before handing it back with a tentative smile.
"Thank you so much! I will definitely be texting you," the boy says with a wide grin, and again, Kurt can't help but return it.
This will be good for him. Maybe someone new is what he needs. Even if this never becomes anything, even if they're only ever friends, this will be good for him.
I've added a couple new tags related to this chapter. Trigger warning for drugging (date rape drugs) and attempted sexual assault/rape. Please read with caution.
What had he expected? Of course Kurt would go back to Blaine. Sebastian was a fun distraction for a while, but he's no Blaine Anderson. Not that he saw the appeal of Blaine anymore, of course, now that he saw Kurt, but... well, apparently Kurt still saw the appeal, because there's no way that wasn't a movie date.
He has no right to be as angry about it as he is. He knows that. He's the one who had insisted on having nothing to do with Kurt, he doesn't get to have an opinion on what Kurt does with his life now that Sebastian isn't in it. Hell, he didn't have that right before, either, but at least then he could try to talk some sense into the other boy if he was doing something stupid like getting back together with Blaine fucking Anderson.
What does Kurt think he's doing? Kurt knows what Blaine is like, they've talked about this. Kurt broke up with Blaine for a reason, has he just... forgotten about all of that? Does he think Blaine has changed? Because Sebastian is pretty sure Blaine hasn't changed at all, if anything he's learned that he can do whatever he wants and still get Kurt back in the end, apparently. Why is Kurt being so stupid, it's like he's asking for it–
Shit. No. Kurt isn't asking for it. Sebastian is an idiot, how could he even start to think that? Of course Kurt isn't asking for it, nobody asks for that, god, Sebastian of all people should know that nobody asks for that, and now he feels like the biggest asshole for even letting the thought enter his mind.
Sebastian knows Kurt's other friends don't know what Blaine is really like behind closed doors, how Blaine treated Kurt when nobody was around to see. Kurt wouldn't – or couldn't – tell them, and Sebastian doesn't blame him, but that also means there's nobody else to try to talk Kurt out of this. Sebastian is the only one who knows. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if everyone else wants them to get back together.
Kurt needs him.
And, really, he knows that he needs Kurt, too. He can't stop thinking about the other boy. His usual coping mechanisms have just left him feeling worse – and, of course, he knows they aren't exactly healthy coping mechanisms, anyway – so at this point, he's out of options. He needs Kurt. He knows he can't have Kurt the way he wants to have him, but maybe he can have him as a friend, and that will just have to be enough. Because staying out of Kurt's life is not working.
It's been a month since he decided he needed Kurt back in his life. A month full of trying to talk himself out of it, going back to those coping mechanisms again and again, even though he knows it's not working, just hoping that one night it might. A month full of nights showing up to Scandals and letting the older men hit on him until it just feels wrong, and then he leaves in a hurry, the man of the night left at the bar with a look of confusion – and sometimes irritation or anger, those are always the worst nights – on his face. Tonight is another one of those nights.
"Hey sexy, everything okay? You seem kind of distracted."
The man sitting at the bar with him isn't even very attractive, below Sebastian's usual standards, but he's desperate to feel something other than the fog of confusion and hurt that's been consuming him since his big fight with Kurt, and the bar is pretty empty tonight, so he figures it will be fine.
It's not fine.
He doesn't want to go home with this man, doesn't want to talk to him, doesn't want to even look at him, doesn't want to look at anybody unless that somebody is Kurt.
"Sorry, I'm not feeling well," he mumbles, and it was meant to be an excuse but as he says it he realizes it's actually kind of true. "I think I'll just head home."
"Come on baby, I'm sure it will pass. Let me buy you another drink," Stephen – that's what the man had introduced himself as earlier – insists, running his hand along the inside of Sebastian's thigh.
"No, I think I just need to go home," Sebastian insists, standing to leave, and wow he really isn't feeling good, he's dizzy, and before he realizes what's happening he's stumbling and Stephen is standing up, catching him and looping an arm around his waist to support him.
"Wow, you weren't lying, were you?" the man asks with a concerned tone. "I'll drive you home, come on," and then Stephen begins leading Sebastian out of the bar.
"I'm fine," Sebastian says, although he feels anything but; but there's no way he's getting in a car with this man.
"Don't be ridiculous, you've clearly had way too much to drink, you're in no state to get home by yourself. Don't worry about it, I'll take care of you."
By now they're outside in the parking lot, and he's confused, doesn't know what's going on, the world is spinning, but he knows that he cannot get in a car with this man.
"'m fine," he mumbles, slurring a little, and god he's only had a drink and a half, he should not be slurring his words, but he manages to pull free from the man's grasp.
He stumbles away a few feet before falling to the ground, landing hard on his ass, but at least the world feels a little more stable now that he has something more solid than his legs supporting him.
"What are you doing?" he hears Stephen grumble. "Come on, let's go."
He feels the man's hands grabbing at his arms, hauling him up off the ground, and he tries to pull away but the older man's grip on him is strong and he's having a bit of a hard time coordinating his limbs to do anything let alone fight someone off.
"Everything okay here?"
It's another male voice, deeper than Stephen's.
"Yeah, he's just had a bit too much tonight, I told him I'd drive him home."
That's not true, he barely even drank anything.
"Hey kid, everything alright?"
Sebastian looks at the new man. He's short and wide, a dark cowboy hat perched atop his head. Sebastian just shakes his head, not really sure he can make words come out.
"Alright, why don't we get you back inside," the man in the hat says, looping an arm around Sebastian to support his weight and pulling him away from Stephen, "and give someone a call to come pick you up, huh?"
Sebastian just nods.
"Really, I don't mind driving him home, it's on my way anyway," Stephen explains.
"I bet it is," the new man replies incredulously. "What's his address?"
Stephen splutters a bit, before finally muttering something about how he was just trying to help and then he must get in his car to leave because the man in the hat is guiding him back inside the bar.
"I'm Greg, " the man introduces himself once they're back inside and seated at a table, "what's your name, kid?"
"Sebastian," he replies quietly, finally finding the ability to speak.
"Alright Sebastian, you got someone I can call to come pick you up?" The man already has his phone somehow, Sebastian isn't really sure when that happened, but he can't really bring himself to care at this point.
"Kurt." He doesn't think about the answer, just knows he wants Kurt, knows he needs Kurt, and he knows that Kurt wouldn't say no to him even after everything. And maybe he doesn't deserve it, but he can't be bothered to care about that right now.
"Kurt. Alright kid, you just hang tight, and I'll give this Kurt guy a call for you, okay?"
"Yeah," Sebastian agrees as he lays his head down on the table, because he really is just exhausted, and maybe if he closes his eyes the world will stop spinning.
The first thing Sebastian realizes when he wakes up is that he has the worst headache he has ever experienced in his entire life.
The next thing he realizes is that he's not in his bed.
He squints his eyes open and looks around. He recognizes the room, knows he's been here before but can't remember where here is over the pounding in his head and the haze that hasn't quite lifted and then he sees him and–
Oh. Kurt. This is Kurt's room. He's in Kurt's room, in Kurt's bed. He'd been at Scandals, and there was that man, and then the other man who had called Kurt for him, and then... well, he doesn't remember anything after that. The rest of the night is gone. But apparently Kurt had answered that call, and Kurt had come to pick him up, because now he's laying in Kurt's bed and the boy he hasn't spoken to in months is sitting about ten feet away from him, back to him as he rubs something into his face at his vanity.
Sebastian feels his stomach heave, and he rolls to the side just in time to vomit all over the hardwood floor.
Kurt is there in an instant, stroking his hair as he heaves again, though there's not much left in his stomach after the first time so not much comes up. He spits onto the floor – his mouth tastes gross, and it's not like a bit of spit is going to make that mess any worse – then rolls onto his back again and closes his eyes.
He feels the bed shift with Kurt's weight, feels the hand still stroking his hair softly. "Hey, you're okay," Kurt's voice whispers soothingly to him, "I've got you. You're okay."
"Water," Sebastian rasps.
"Right here," Kurt says, seemingly materializing a bottle from thin air and handing it to him. "Here, sit up," Kurt coaxes, and Sebastian shifts in the bed, Kurt helping to pull him into somewhat of an upright position against the headboard.
Sebastian takes a sip of water then closes his eyes and tries to will his headache away.
It's not working.
"Advil?" Kurt asks softly, and when Sebastian squints an eye open to look, he sees Kurt holding out a couple small red pills in his hand. Sebastian pops them into his mouth and chases them with another sip of water, closing his eyes again and resting his head back against the headboard.
"You should try to get some more sleep," Kurt says, tugging gently at Sebastian until he's lying back down in the bed, then taking the water bottle from him and laying the blankets over him again.
He's not sure how much later it is when he wakes up again, but his pounding headache has eased to a dull throb, and he doesn't feel nauseous anymore, although his mouth still tastes foul. He sits up in the bed, and looks around the room; it's dark, the lights are off, and Kurt has drawn the curtains to keep the sunlight out, although he can see it peeking through around the edge so it's definitely still daytime. He looks around the room and finds a clock; just after 2. Well, there's half the day gone.
He swings his legs over the side of the bed, plants his feet on the ground. He looks down and remembers there used to be a pool of his vomit here, and Kurt must have cleaned it up, and oh god what is he going to say to Kurt? But Kurt isn't even here right now, he must be somewhere else in the house, and oh god what is he going to say to Kurt's family? Do they know that Sebastian was here last night? Because Sebastian doesn't actually remember being here last night, but he woke up here this morning so he must have been.
He runs a hand through his hair and tips his head back to stare up at the ceiling. That man... he could have woken up somewhere very different this morning if it weren't for the other man in the cowboy hat. He doesn't even remember his name, just the hat. He remembers Stephen's name, though. He remembers with an uncanny clarity the man who all but carried him out of the bar, because Sebastian wasn't even capable of taking 5 steps on his own, which now that his head is a bit clearer he realizes really doesn't make any sense at all, he'd barely had anything to drink, there was no reason for him to be that out of it, unless...
Stephen had drugged him. He must have. It's the only explanation. He'd been distracted all night at the bar, he hadn't been paying attention, the man must have slipped something into his drink and he wasn't paying attention and he nearly let that man take him home high on god knows what and there was nothing he could do about it because he let it happen to himself and, god, what was he thinking going into that bar and not paying attention, he knows what men like that are like, knows how vigilant he needs to be and he let it happen and this isn't what's supposed to happen, this is supposed to make him feel strong and powerful and in control but he wasn't in control last night, he didn't have any say last night, he couldn't do anything last night, if that man in the hat hadn't shown up when he did Sebastian could be anywhere right now and–
"Hey, hey, you're okay, it's okay, just breathe."
Kurt is sitting on the bed beside him, arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he wonders why Kurt is shaking him until he realizes it's him that's shaking.
"Come on, breathe with me, okay? In... out... in... out..."
He tries to time his breathing with Kurt's words, with Kurt's breaths, and slowly he feels himself calm down. Kurt's arms are still wrapped around him, a hand stroking gently along his arm. They sit there in silence for a while, until Sebastian's breathing has finally returned to normal, and then even longer, before Kurt finally speaks again.
"Are you... are you okay?" His tone is cautious, like he's not sure if it's a question he's allowed to ask.
"Sebastian," Kurt says, unconvinced.
"I said I'm fine," he snaps, a little more harshly than he means to.
"Okay," Kurt concedes, letting his arms fall away from Sebastian.
"I should go," he decides, standing up and starting for the door, but then he stops when he remembers his car isn't here, and he doesn't know where his phone, so he doesn't really have a way to leave. He turns back to look at Kurt. "Do you uh... do you know where my phone is?"
"It's right there," Kurt says, pointing to the bedside table next to where Sebastian had been sleeping, and of course it is. He makes his way back across the room to grab it.
"I can drive you to get your car if you want," Kurt offers carefully.
Sebastian considers the offer for a moment; if he refuses, then he'll just be sitting around Kurt's house waiting for a cab to pick him up anyway. Either option means he'll have to talk to Kurt. "Yeah, okay," he agrees.
Sebastian grabs his phone, then follows Kurt out to his car. They climb in and sit in silence as Kurt starts the car and pulls out of the driveway onto the road, and the silence hangs over them until they're about half way to Scandals and Kurt finally speaks.
"So are we going to talk about this at all?"
"Talk about what?"
"I don't know, anything? You cut me out of your life out of nowhere, for months, and then I get a call out of the blue to come pick you up from a bar in the middle of the night basically unconscious and you just expect me to... to what? Act like this is normal?"
"That would be nice actually," Sebastian mutters, keeping his eyes on the road ahead, but he sees Kurt shoot him a look in his peripheral vision. "I'm sorry."
Kurt sighs. "So after I drop you off, then what? Are you going back to not speaking to me?"
"I don't know."
"Look, if you don't want me in your life, that's fine, okay? But, don't you think I at least deserve to know?"
"I don't want that," he says quietly.
"Don't want what?"
"I don't want you not in my life."
Kurt is silent for a moment before he responds. "Okay. So where does that leave us?"
"We could... try to be friends again?'
"Okay," Kurt agrees.
"Okay?" He almost can't believe it's this easy. But, then again, of course it is.
Kurt always has been so forgiving. He really is too good for Sebastian.
I was going to update tomorrow, but I'm feeling really good about this story at the moment because I made some good progress with writing today, so have the chapter a day earlier than I'd planned. Hope you enjoy. :)
Kurt doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do. It's clear that something happened to Sebastian at Scandals that night, but he doesn't know what because Sebastian won't talk to him about it, just brushes him off and says there's nothing to talk about every time he tries to bring it up.
Kurt gets it. He knows what it's like to hold things in and keep them to yourself. He does it all the time, if anyone understands keeping things to yourself it's Kurt. It's just that… he doesn't do that with Sebastian. He tells Sebastian everything – or, at least, just about everything – and he thought that Sebastian would feel comfortable talking to him when the time came that he had something to talk about.
Apparently that's not the case.
He tries not to take it personally. He should just be glad they're finally friends again, finally speaking to each other at all. He knows Sebastian is stubborn, even when the tendency actively works against him, so the fact that Sebastian is talking to him again after all this time is sort of a miracle, he figures. It will just have to be enough, and if Sebastian really needs someone to talk to, Kurt just hopes he'll come to him.
As it is, they've been... surprisingly good. Not totally back to normal, but slowly they're starting to settle back into something that resembles the friendship they'd had before the kiss. It was only a kiss, it shouldn't have been a big deal, it shouldn't have caused this rift between them in the first place, but at least now they're slowly starting to fix things.
Kurt's phone buzzes again on the table, and he picks it up to check the message. He's making plans with Mercedes to go shopping on the weekend, so he taps out a reply and hits send before placing the phone back on the table.
"Boyfriend got a lot to say today?" Sebastian asks, and it sounds a little too hostile to be teasing.
"What? No. It's Mercedes," he answers, confused, because Sebastian knows he doesn't have a boyfriend.
"You know, you don't have to lie to me about it."
"You know I saw you and Harry Potter at the movies, Kurt, you don't have to lie to me about him."
"You... wait, wait. You think Blaine is my boyfriend?"
"Well it's not like it's outside the realm of possibilities, is it?" Sebastian asks, raising an eyebrow at him.
Kurt just stares back for a moment, shocked, because how could Sebastian actually think he'd get back together with Blaine after... well, after everything? "Sebastian, you know I'm not... I am not dating Blaine."
"Right," Sebastian rolls his eyes.
"Seriously, you think I would do that again?"
Kurt is starting to remember why he found the other boy so infuriating before. "No, of course not. God, Seb, you of all people should know that."
Sebastian narrows his eyes, stares at Kurt for a long minute. "So you're really not dating him?"
Kurt sighs. "No. I'm not." This is ridiculous.
"Okay," Sebastian says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms across his chest. "Well, don't."
"I don't plan on it."
"I can't believe you thought I was." He knows it took a lot for him to finally believe Blaine, but he figured Sebastian thought better of him than to go back to him.
"Well what was I supposed to think when I saw you on a movie date?"
"It wasn't a date, it's called being friends."
"Why would you want to be friends with him, after what he did to–"
"You can stop right there. He didn't do anything, he just... I was just...," he trails off, because it still makes him uncomfortable to think about. He knows Blaine was pushy sometimes, and that upset him, and sometimes he was scared of what Blaine might do, but he'd never actually really done anything to him, right? Sebastian insisted he had but it wasn't really like that, Blaine didn't... he's not a victim here. Maybe he could have been, if he'd stayed, but he hadn't. He's not a victim.
"Okay, whatever, you know what I mean," Sebastian says, brushing it off, and Kurt is glad that at least the other boy isn't arguing with him this time, because he usually does and it just makes him feel worse.
"He's at school and in my classes and in Glee club, what am I supposed to do, Seb? And we were friends before, you know... everything. I don't see why I can't try. He's not so bad."
"Not so bad?" Sebastian asks incredulously. "Kurt, he sexually assaulted you, I think that's pretty fucking bad, don't you?"
Kurt flinches a little at the words, Sebastian's tone is so harsh, and he doesn't like to think about it like that, that's not what it was, because if that's what it was then Kurt let it happen, he's a victim, but he's not.
So much for not arguing about it this time.
"You're over-reacting. And, newsflash, you don't get a say in who I'm friends with," Kurt counters, his voice rising a little.
"I'm not trying to tell you who to be friends with, just don't be friends with him."
"That's exactly what you're doing."
"I'm just worried about you, Kurt, I don't want anything to happen to you."
"Well don't. I think I can take care of myself."
"From experience, that doesn't seem to be the case."
Kurt's jaw falls open as the words hit him. It's like Sebastian just slapped him across the face, hard. He sees the flash of fear in Sebastian's eyes as he registers exactly what it is that he just said.
"Shit, Kurt, I didn't mean–"
"Just drop it," Kurt cuts him off, voice flat, setting his jaw.
"Yeah," Sebastian agrees, and Kurt watches his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. "So, uh... what does Mercedes have to say?"
"How about Tuesday?" Blaine asks, looking up at Kurt from the calendar on his phone.
"Oh, um, I can't do Tuesday."
"Hot date?" Blaine asks teasingly.
"What? No. Why does everyone think I'm going on all these dates?" Kurt asks with a frown.
"I was just kidding, sorry. What's going on Tuesday?"
"I told Sebastian we'd do something that evening."
"Oh," Blaine says simply, and his tone is off.
"Nothing, I just... I didn't think you two were friends anymore."
"We... weren't, for a bit. But we're fine now."
"Oh," Blaine repeats. "I don't know what I did to make him hate me."
"He doesn't hate you, Blaine," Kurt argues.
Blaine gives him a look. "I'm pretty sure he does."
"Well... he's not your biggest fan," Kurt concedes.
"We used to get along so well," Blaine muses, "I don't know what changed. And he used to hate you. And you hated him, too."
"Guess he finally came around to the error of his ways," Kurt jokes.
"I swear, if there was any chance of you dating him I'd think this was his plan all along, breaking us up so he could steal you."
"I'm pretty sure you're the one he was trying to steal, Blaine." Kurt is always a little uncomfortable any time Blaine hints at their past together. He's not sure why, it's not like he wants to pretend it never happened, they both clearly know it happened, but... it's just easier when it's not in his face. It's easier to separate his friend Blaine from his ex boyfriend Blaine when he's not being reminded that they're the same person.
"Yeah, well, I guess he decided I wasn't worth it."
"Blaine, hey, don't say that," Kurt says, turning to look at Blaine head on.
"Well it's true, isn't it? Not worth it to him, not worth it to you."
"Blaine, that's not– don't think like that."
"Why shouldn't I? Am I wrong?"
He hates seeing Blaine like this, sad and beating himself up, and of course neither he nor Sebastian have any interest in dating Blaine but that doesn't mean there's nobody out there for the other boy.
"Of course you're wrong," Kurt insists. "Blaine, just because we didn't work out doesn't mean nothing is ever going to work out. Come on, you know that. You'll find someone else."
"Yeah well, I don't want someone else. I want you. And it's pretty clear I'm not good enough for that."
"Blaine, I...," he trails off, not really sure what to say. He wants to reassure Blaine, but he's not sure how without telling Blaine they can get back together, and he's not doing that, but he just feels so... guilty. He hadn't realized Blaine was still having such a hard time with this. He doesn't want Blaine to be hurting, he doesn't want to be the cause of this.
"It's fine, don't worry about it. I shouldn't be putting this on you. It's not your fault."
"Blaine, I'm sorry," he says weakly.
"Really, it's fine. I'll be fine. Anyway, what about Thursday?"
"Thursday should work," Kurt agrees with a small nod.
"I think he's upset I'm spending so much time with you."
Sebastian barks out a laugh at that. "What?"
"He just gets... really weird and upset whenever I tell him I have plans with you."
The other boy laughs again. "Anderson's jealous."
"It's obvious, isn't it? He's jealous you're spending time with me instead of him. Oh, this is gold," Sebastian says with a smirk.
"He's not jealous," Kurt argues, "I think he's upset because he thinks you hate him."
"I do hate him," Sebastian responds easily.
"Oh come on, you don't hate him."
"Hmm," Sebastian hums, bringing his hand to his chin and concentrating in mock thought, "no, I'm pretty sure I do."
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Well, whatever."
"He wants you back, and he knows it won't happen as long as I'm here."
For a split second he thinks Sebastian means it like that. Like that Kurt won't get back with Blaine because he likes Sebastian, and of course he knows Sebastian knows but he's been trying not to bring it up because last time they went anywhere near those feelings things went very south very fast.
"What?" he asks, voice pitched higher than it should be.
"He knows I'd talk you out of it because he sucks," Sebastian clarifies.
"Oh, right," Kurt says, too quickly, "of course."
What's this? Two chapters in one week? I'm impatient and don't know the meaning of "regular upload schedule" and like the validation your kudos and comments give me, so this is where we find outselves. Please enjoy another chapter from Seb's perspective.
Being just friends with Kurt hurts. But, so did being not friends with Kurt, that hurt more, so at least this is an improvement.
He really had thought that Kurt was back with Blaine. He figured Kurt was trying to hide it either because he was embarrassed to admit it to Sebastian or, more likely, for the sake of Sebastian's feelings. Because Kurt knows how Sebastian feels about him, because Sebastian told him. And Kurt hadn't said it back, because of course Kurt doesn't feel the same way, and that's fine, really it is, it's fine.
He's still relieved when he finds out that Kurt isn't dating Blaine.
Normally he would have no problem voicing his concerns about Blaine; he's done it before after all. But now that Kurt knows, he might have thought it was for the wrong reasons, and he doesn't think their friendship can take that. Again. Not right now, anyway. So he's stayed quiet, until he couldn't anymore because, well, there's only so much that he can manage to not say. And now he kind of wishes he had said it before, because it just feels so much better to know.
So maybe it's not the saying things that's bad for their friendship, maybe it's the how he says things that keeps hurting him – them. He's never really had somebody that he can just talk to and be honest with, and if he's truthful, he doesn't entirely know how to do that. He's never been a talker. He keeps his feelings to himself and either deals with them alone or pushes them to the back of his mind until he's – mostly – forgotten about them. And that's worked well enough for him for a long time. It's not that he thinks people shouldn't be able to talk about how they're feeling, it's that he thinks he doesn't have to; he's strong, independent, he doesn't need anyone. He can do things on his own.
But sometimes, he wants someone. And that's getting harder and harder to ignore.
Kurt sighs and slides his phone back into his pocket before he takes a seat on the swing beside Sebastian.
"Blaine?" Sebastian hazards a guess.
Kurt turns to look at him, an eyebrow raised. "You know I have other friends, right?"
"Yeah, but usually you're happier to hear from them," Sebastian points out, and it's true.
Kurt shrugs, but doesn't argue the point. "It's Chandler."
Sebastian narrows his eyes a little as he looks at Kurt, who isn't looking back, is just staring down at the ground and scuffing his feet in the gravel there. "Who's Chandler?"
"He's just this guy I met at the sheet music store a while ago."
"Oh," Sebastian says simply. That doesn't really give him any information. "So, what's wrong with him?"
Kurt glances up and chuckles lightly, but then looks back at the ground before he responds. "Nothing's wrong with him, I just don't... he asked me for my number, and I thought it might be good for me to try to date someone else and get over... well, you know. And he's nice enough, but he's just so... much."
Sebastian feels his stomach twist a little at the knowledge that Kurt must still not be over Blaine; he swears he'd never date the other boy again, which Sebastian had taken to mean that Kurt was over him, but apparently that isn't the case.
As usual, he pushes his feelings on the matter aside.
"So, what, are you dating him?" Because he needs to know.
"No," Kurt says quickly, shaking his head. "I mean, we went out together once, and it was fine, I guess, but I just... I don't know. He keeps trying to get me to go out with him again, and I don't want to but I can't figure out how to tell him that. He is a really nice guy, and I don't want to hurt him, but I don't even really want to be his friend. We just... don't mesh."
Sebastian tries to hide the smile on his face; he's glad Kurt is looking at the ground, because he does feel a little bad that he's happy about this; it's clearly a difficult situation for Kurt. But he can't help but be glad that Kurt has no interest in dating this other boy, even if it may be largely because of Blaine Anderson. Sebastian isn't sure he could handle being friends with Kurt if he had a boyfriend.
"Let me see your phone."
"What?" Kurt looks up at him in surprise.
"I said, let me see your phone."
"Okay...," Kurt says slowly, pulling it from his pocket and handing it to Sebastian.
Sebastian rolls his eyes and hands it back. "You have to unlock it first, Einstein."
Kurt takes the phone back, unlocks it, and hands it to Sebastian again. "Why? What are you doing?"
He smiles a little, knowing that Kurt trusts him enough to just hand his phone over without knowing what Sebastian is planning to do with it.
"Getting rid of him for you," Sebastian says simply as he navigates to Kurt's texts and selects Chandler's contact.
Are you sure you're not tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.
Sebastian can't help but bark out a laugh as he reads the most recent text. No wonder Kurt wants nothing to do with this guy.
"You're what?" Kurt asks, voice pitched a little higher than usual.
"Don't worry about it, it will only take a second," Sebastian brushes him off as he begins to tap out a message.
"Seb, give me my phone back," Kurt says, swiping out to grab at the phone, but Sebastian had been anticipating this and he stands and takes a step away. Kurt stands, too, following him and reaching out to grab for the phone, but Sebastian holds it up over his head, using his thumb to finish tapping out the text as he pushes Kurt away with his other hand.
"Seb, give it back," Kurt says again, reaching up for the phone, but he's shorter than Sebastian so he can't reach, ends up just grabbing at Sebastian's arms in his failed attempts.
I don't want anything to do with you. Stop texting me.
He hits send, before lowering his arm enough that Kurt can grab the phone, and it's only then that he realizes just how close Kurt is to him, chest pressed up against his as he reaches up, face only inches away, and his breath catches just a little in his throat at the sudden realization of the closeness.
Luckily, Kurt doesn't seem to notice; or, at the very least, does a very good job ignoring it.
Kurt swipes the phone from his hand, then takes a step back and looks down at the screen, eyes going wide as he reads the message.
"Sebastian, I can't believe you sent that, what the hell?"
"You don't want to talk to him anymore. That should do it," Sebastian says with a shrug and a smirk; it's a little easier to concentrate now that Kurt isn't pressed up against him.
"Yeah but I didn't want to be an asshole to him," Kurt insists.
"I know, that's why I did it for you."
"But he'll think it's me," Kurt insists.
"So? Who cares? He won't want to date you if he thinks you're an asshole. Sounds like a good thing to me."
Kurt rolls his eyes, but there doesn't seem to be any heat behind it. "You are impossible."
"But you love me anyway."
He doesn't mean to say it. The words have passed his lips before he'd even realized they had formed in his head. But they're out there now.
Kurt laughs, looking away as he slides his phone back into his pocket, but he doesn't respond.
"Come on, it's starting to get dark. And I told my dad I'd be home for supper."
"Yeah, right. We should go," Sebastian agrees, and follows behind as Kurt leads the way back down the path toward the parking lot.
Sebastian takes his coffee cup from the barista and turns to leave the Lima Bean, but he pauses for a double-take when someone familiar catches his eyes. Or rather, upon close inspection, someones. Kurt is sitting at a table tucked away in a corner with Blaine. It's not the table they used to sit at all the time, and it's kind of out of the way, which is why Sebastian must have missed them when he'd come in, but there they are, sitting and chatting, and they don't seem to see him.
He makes his way to the table, and Blaine spots him first, a surprised expression crossing his face because the two boys haven't spoken to each other in... well, a very long time. Sebastian hears about Blaine through Kurt, and presumably Kurt talks about him to Blaine as well, but he's had no reason to talk to Blaine since he and Kurt had broken up, and he hasn't run into the two of them out together until now – or at least, hasn't run into them when he and Kurt have been on speaking terms.
"Well if it isn't Hall and Oates," he says with a smirk as he walks up from behind Kurt. Kurt turns his head in surprise, but then he smiles a little when their eyes meet.
"Oh, hey Sebastian."
"Hi Kurt," Sebastian says with a smile, then looking at Blaine and grinning smugly, "Blaine."
"Hi Sebastian," Blaine says, and his expression is difficult to read; maybe something between shock and annoyance? Not that Sebastian cares.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" he asks, not really caring if he is as he drags an extra chair over and takes a seat.
"Well actually–" Blaine starts, but Kurt cuts him off.
"No, we were just having coffee. Nothing important."
"Hmm. I thought not," Sebastian says, giving Blaine another smug smile, and Blaine frowns a little at him. "So, Blaine, haven't seen you around in a while. I was starting to wonder if you even like coffee or if you just pretended to in your sad and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to get in Kurt's pants."
Blaine just kind of gapes at him, apparently unsure how to respond. If he'd said something like that to Kurt, he would have gotten a some people's world doesn't revolve around trying to have sex with every new guy they meet or an oh please, not everyone is so intolerable that they need to lie about something so trivial for someone to be interested in them or even just a fuck you, but Blaine just says nothing, and he's starting to remember why he doesn't like the other boy all that much. Well, other than the obvious reasons, of course.
He looks back to Kurt, already bored with Blaine, and sees the uncomfortable expression on his face and shit, he kind of hadn't thought about how the comment might make Kurt feel – if he's honest, he doesn't usually care about how his comments make anyone feel, but he does care about Kurt.
"So, Kurt, we're still on for this weekend right?"
Kurt brightens a little at that. "Yes, of course."
"Great," Sebastian says with a smile. "I should actually get going. But it was nice seeing you," he adds, making a point to look only at Kurt as he says the last sentence.
"Yeah, you too," Kurt agrees.
"I'll see you Saturday," he says to Kurt, then winks at Blaine, whose frown deepens.
"Bye, Sebastian," Blaine says, voice not nearly as cheery as it usually is, and Sebastian smirks to himself as he walks away.
Our idiots are maybe, finally, being slightly less idiotic ;) Enjoy!
"I can't believe you're friends with him," Blaine says with bewilderment as they watch Sebastian walk away from the table.
"You were friends with him," Kurt points out, a little annoyed, because every time Sebastian comes up this happens, and Kurt had managed to keep his mouth shut when Sebastian was trying to steal his boyfriend so he's not really sure why this is such a big problem for Blaine.
"That was different," Blaine argues.
"Yes, it was worse," Kurt points out, barely concealing the frustration in his voice.
"You don't get it, he's– it's just– never mind," Blaine mumbles, crossing his arms and looking to the side.
"Don't get what?"
"It doesn't matter. Never mind."
"No, tell me, Blaine, what don't I get?"
"He's the reason we're not together, Kurt! If it weren't for him we'd be back together already, we were doing so good when you stopped being friends because he wasn't whispering in your ear about how awful I apparently am, and I can't believe you're fine with just letting him be your friend after how he treated you. And now he's back, and just... can't you see that he's the reason we can't just be happy together?"
Kurt gawks at Blaine for a moment in shock, trying to digest everything that Blaine has just said because... what?
"Are you serious, Blaine? You think we're not together because of Sebastian?"
"Well it's the only reason I can think of," Blaine says simply, resolutely, meeting Kurt's eyes again.
"I can't believe this...," Kurt mutters. "You really... Okay, let me make this clear. We aren't together because I don't want to be with you, Blaine. I thought I had made that abundantly clear, but apparently not. We didn't break up because of Sebastian, we broke up because I wasn't happy. And that's not going to change if we get back together, so that is not going to happen. And it has nothing to do with Sebastian."
"Oh come on Kurt, don't be dramatic. We're so good together, how do you not see that? Sure, we were having some issues, but everyone has issues, seriously, I think this has been going on long enough. I'm not sure how long you expect me to wait for you to get over... whatever this is, but you need to get over it soon."
"Did you... is that what you thought this was? You're just waiting for me to get over it and come back to you? I... you're kidding, right?"
There's no way Blaine is being serious right now. Absolutely no way, because what he's suggesting is preposterous, and if Blaine claims to have ever known Kurt – and, really, they were together long enough that even Kurt can't deny that Blaine should know him – then he should know that when Kurt makes a decision, when Kurt knows we he wants, that his mind is made up and he will stand firm in his choice.
"Kurt," Blaine says, reaching across the table to take Kurt's hand in his, "look, I'm not sure what brought all this on, and I swear, I'm willing to work on us, whatever you want, but if you keep letting Sebastian tell you what to think then I'm not sure if we can fix this." He says it sincerely, like he genuinely believes what he's saying, like he's trying to comfort Kurt and Kurt is a small child who needs things explained to him simply, and it's infuriating.
"Fix... Blaine, there's nothing to fix. We are nothing, we're not... We are never getting back together, I'm sorry if you misunderstood that but I thought I was pretty clear from the start," he says, pulling his hand away from Blaine's on the table.
"How do you not see how perfect we are for each other, Kurt? Look, I'm not saying we didn't have issues, but we can fix them, you don't have to do this just because he convinced you that you should."
"You think he... okay, I'm done Blaine, we're done here. He didn't convince me of anything, I made that choice all on my own, and clearly if you're acting like this it was the right choice." Kurt stands, grabs his satchel and hoists it over his shoulder.
"Kurt, wait, come on," Blaine says, standing as well and reaching out to grab Kurt as he pleads with him to stay.
"Don't touch me," he snaps, before Blaine's hand can reach him, and Blaine pulls his arm back. "Goodbye, Blaine," he adds simply, coolly, and then he turns on his heel and walks away, through the crowded Lima Bean, out the door, and to his car.
How could he be so stupid? Of course Blaine didn't want to be just friends. He should have seen this coming a mile away. Because while it's true that Blaine should know Kurt, Kurt should know Blaine, too. He should have known by all the little comments he's made, all the small ways he's made Kurt feel guilty about their breakup and for hurting Blaine, but he tries to see the good in people and he'd really thought that maybe he and Blaine could be friends, but apparently not.
He's calling Sebastian before he's really thinking about calling Sebastian, and the other boy answers the call before he has time to decide what he even wants to say.
"Miss me already?" He can hear the smirk in Sebastian's voice, and he laughs a little.
"Surprisingly not," Kurt says sarcastically. "Are you busy?"
"Right now?" Sebastian asks.
"Oh, I don't know, I'm kind of in the middle of watching something," Sebastian tells him.
"You just left, Seb, what could you be watching?"
Kurt looks forward out his windshield, confused, until he spots Sebastian sitting in his own car across the parking lot and rolls his eyes.
"You're an asshole," he says fondly.
"I know," Sebastian agrees.
"I'm coming over there." He doesn't give Sebastian a chance to answer, just ends the call and climbs out of his car to make his way across the parking lot. He slides into the passenger seat beside the other boy and pulls the door closed behind him.
"So, what's going on that you just couldn't be without me for more than 10 minutes?" Sebastian asks, and now Kurt can see the smirk.
He groans. "Blaine's an asshole." This time, it's not very fond.
Sebastian chuckles. "I could have told you that... oh wait, I have told you that."
"Yeah, yeah, you were right, congratulations," Kurt grumbles.
"What's the date today? I'm going to have to write it down. The day Kurt Hummel finally admits he was wrong. And to me, of all people."
"You know what, maybe I should have just left," Kurt counters, but he makes no move to get out of the car. "Why did I think we could be friends?"
"He just... apparently he thought we were going to get back together eventually? Which, I mean, why would he think that? I thought I was pretty clear."
"He's not really the best at taking no for an answer," Sebastian says pointedly, and Kurt wants to argue, but he knows Sebastian is right.
"He thinks you're the reason we're not back together yet."
Sebastian barks out a laugh at that. "What?"
"Yeah. He figures you've been whispering bad things about him in my ear–"
"–and that if it weren't for you we would have gotten back together by now."
Sebastian laughs again. "I guess I should feel honoured he thinks I have so much power over you."
Kurt chuckles a little awkwardly at that; if only Blaine knew how Kurt really felt about Sebastian. Not that it was the reason he wasn't dating Blaine, but... it would certainly drive Blaine nuts to know how he felt.
"You know, I'm pretty impressed that you haven't," Sebastian comments, and Kurt gives him a confused look.
"Impressed I haven't what?"
"Gotten back together with him."
"What? Why would I... we talked about this, you know I never planned on getting back together with him."
"Sure, but you're not over him, either, so... I figured there was always a chance."
"I'm not... sorry, what? Since when am I not over him? I am so, so over Blaine. What ever made you think I'm not over him?" Since when have all the men in his life who he thought knew him suddenly decided to demonstrate that, apparently, they don't know him at all?
"Oh," Sebastian replies, seeming genuinely surprised, "well the other day, when we were talking about Tyler Oakley, you said you weren't over him."
Kurt feels his cheeks flush. Why would Sebastian ever think he was talking about Blaine? Sebastian knows Kurt likes him, he's never explicitly said it but he must know, right?
"That wasn't... I wasn't talking about Blaine," he says, looking forward out the windshield and his face is on fire. "Why would you ever think I was talking about Blaine?"
"Well, you definitely weren't cheating on him, you don't have it in you, so who else would it be?"
Kurt stares at Sebastian, and Sebastian just stares right back intently.
"Who else... you're serious?"
"Kurt, there is literally nobody else I can think of that you would need to get over other than Blaine."
Sebastian doesn't know. Sebastian doesn't know. Sebastian doesn't know.
So then why all the awkwardness? Why did everything change after the kiss, the icing out, everything that had gone wrong between them because of Kurt's feelings – or, rather, because of something that wasn't Kurt's feelings, apparently, because Sebastian doesn't know. Why would Sebastian have said those things to him that day he stormed out the house, unless...
Unless he meant it.
Kurt just blinks at Sebastian as the realization hits him like a freight train. He's never told Sebastian his feelings, just assumed the other boy must know because Kurt isn't exactly known for being the most subtle. But Sebastian had meant it when he said he had feelings for Kurt, and then Kurt hadn't told him he felt the same way, and god, how must Sebastian have felt after that? Of course he needed space from Kurt. He knows Sebastian pretty well now, knows that talking about his feelings isn't something that Sebastian ever really does, so for him to say that to Kurt... and then for Kurt to not say it back... of course that's how he reacted.
"So are you going to tell me, or...?" Sebastian teases, and Kurt blinks again, brought back from his thoughts by Sebastian's voice.
"You," he says simply.
"Me what?" Sebastian asks, brow furrowed slightly but still smirking.
"It's you. That I'm not over."
The smirk slowly fades from his face, replaced with confusion. "What?"
"I thought... I thought you knew, and you just didn't, but... you actually meant it, didn't you?"
Sebastian frowns, his brow furrowing. "Meant what?"
"What you said to me. When we had that fight, and we... well, you know."
He swears he sees Sebastian's cheeks flush just slightly, but it's barely there, he'd have missed it had he blinked.
"Yeah," he replies, voice a little strained, looking away from Kurt, and it breaks his heart a little.
"I thought you knew, I thought that was why you said it, because you thought I wanted to hear it, I didn't realize you... meant it."
Sebastian doesn't say anything so Kurt adds, "I, um... I don't know if you... if you would still mean it, but. I like you. I really like you, Seb, I just thought you knew, and you weren't interested, I didn't realize that you... didn't."
Sebastian turns to look at him again, a look of confusion and bewilderment and disbelief on his face. "What?"
He wants to laugh. It's not often that Sebastian is at a loss for words like this.
"I like you," Kurt repeats simply. "A lot," he adds, for good measure.
He hears the sharp intake of breath, watches Sebastian's Adam's apple bob as he swallows, but he still doesn't say anything, and oh god, what if he doesn't feel the same way anymore? What if he is over Kurt? And now Kurt has gone and made things awkward all over again.
"If you don't– you don't have to say anything, if you don't feel that way anymore it's fine, really, I just thought– god, Seb, I'm sorry, I didn't–"
"What?" It comes out on a sharp exhale, and it's Kurt's turn to be at a loss for words now.
"I do feel the same way," Sebastian clarifies, and he looks terrified, but that's how Kurt knows that he means it.
And then Kurt is leaning over the center console, lips meeting Sebastian's.
This time he knows it's not a mistake.
I would like to humbly offer you some fluff. Thanks for reading :)
Sebastian reaches up and threads his fingers into Kurt's hair, and he almost expects Kurt to swat the hand away because it's Kurt's hair, but he doesn't, just deepens the kiss as he moans softly into Sebastian's mouth. He feels one of Kurt's hands come to rest on his cheek, the other reaching to grip the back of his neck, holding him firmly there as their lips move together, tongues exploring each others' mouths, and technically this isn't their first kiss but it feels like it is, because Kurt likes him back and he never thought he'd hear those words, never thought this could happen, and kissing isn't usually like this, but this is Kurt.
This is Kurt.
He doesn't want to ruin this. Maybe Kurt does like him – well, more than maybe, apparently, but he'll need some time to get used to that – but Sebastian still has no idea how to do this. He's never had a boyfriend, only ever been one for casual sex and one-night stands, and Kurt deserves better than that. He knows Kurt isn't ready for sex yet, and obviously making out in his car in the middle of the daytime in a crowded parking lot was never going to lead to sex anyway, but even without that, he wants to take things slow. This isn't something he'd ever thought he would want – both taking things slow, and a relationship – but he also never thought he'd be in this position, either.
He pulls back, breaking the kiss, and just stares at Kurt, eyes wide and sparkling, hair a little dishevelled, lips wet and just slightly red and swollen, and fuck he looks good like that.
"Maybe we shouldn't do this... right here," Sebastian says, and Kurt looks around for a moment, a blush rising in his cheeks as he realizes just where exactly here is.
"Oh, right," he agrees with a shy smile. Kurt flips down the sun visor and uses the mirror there to begin smoothing down his hair. "You need to watch the hair."
And there's the hair comment, he thinks to himself. "You didn't seem to mind a few seconds ago," Sebastian says with a smirk, and Kurt blushes again, but doesn't respond.
He's not really sure what to say. He's not sure how to do this, what this means. Are they going to be boyfriends now? Because he likes Kurt, he really likes Kurt, but he's not sure if he's ready to call someone his boyfriend. He feels a little silly for it, because he's the one who has no qualms with meeting a guy and hopping into bed with him the same night, but... maybe his motivation for taking things slow isn't entirely for Kurt's sake.
"Are you okay?" Kurt sounds concerned, and Sebastian looks over to find that he looks concerned, too.
"What? Yeah, I'm fine," he says quickly.
"Are you sure? I'm sorry if... if you didn't want that. I... it wasn't a mistake this time, though. To me. I'm glad. I meant it."
"No, it's not a mistake, of course not, I just...," Sebastian trails off, not really sure how to say what he's thinking, because he doesn't do this whole talking about his feelings thing.
"Should we... we should talk about this," Kurt decides, and as much as Sebastian hates the idea, he knows Kurt is probably right.
"Yeah," he agrees simply.
"There's nobody at my house right now," Kurt offers a little awkwardly, "we can go there. If you want."
"That... yeah. That would be good," Sebastian agrees.
"Okay," Kurt says with a small smile. "I'll, um... I'll go get in my car, and I'll meet you there?"
"Sure," Sebastian agrees.
Kurt reaches for the handle, and is about to open his door when Sebastian reaches out, lays a hand on his arm to stop him. "Wait, Kurt?"
Kurt turns back to look at him curiously. "Yeah?"
Sebastian lays a hand on Kurt's face and leans forward to give him a small kiss. "I just had to do that one more time."
The smile on Kurt's face is something Sebastian doesn't think he'll ever get tired of.
"So, I have to ask... what do you want this to be?" The two boys are sitting together on the coach, and Kurt looks at Sebastian hesitantly as he asks the question.
"I'm not sure," Sebastian admits, because honestly his thoughts are a whirlwind right now.
"Okay," Kurt says with a cautious nod, "well, how about I tell you what I want this to be... and maybe you can tell me how you feel about that?"
Thank god Kurt is handling this so well. Sebastian just nods his head in agreement.
"I really like you, Seb. A lot. And I... I am over Blaine. And I want us to be something, I don't want to just be another guy, you know?"
"No, of course not. You're not, Kurt," Sebastian reassures quickly, because Kurt is the furthest thing from just another guy. How could Kurt even think that's what he is to Sebastian?
"Okay," Kurt says, a relieved smile spreading across his face. "I know you haven't really had one before, but I... um, I would like to be your boyfriend. If you would want that." His cheeks flush again, and he spits the words out quickly like if he doesn't say them right now then he never will, and Sebastian admires the courage it must take to be this honest at the same time that he feels the uncomfortable knot in his stomach because he wants that, too, he really does, but he doesn't know if he's ready, he doesn't know how to be in a relationship, and he doesn't want to do that to Kurt.
"Seb?" Kurt asks, and the smile slowly fades from his face as Sebastian doesn't respond. "Do you not want...?"
Why can't he just talk to Kurt? Kurt can do it, why can't Sebastian? He knows the things he needs to say, he knows what he should say, but he just can't and god it's not fair, not fair to him but especially not fair to Kurt who is sitting here in front of him, laying his heart out to Sebastian, and looking more and more heartbroken with every second that passes and Sebastian remains silent.
"No, no– I mean, yeah– I mean, it's not that I don't want that," Sebastian splutters, falling over his words because he just wants to see that bright smile again but he also can't lie. Not to Kurt.
"But...?" Kurt prompts.
Sebastian sighs. Why is this so hard?
"I just... I've never had a boyfriend," he mutters.
A soft smile graces Kurt's lips, and he reaches out to lay a hand on top of Sebastian's. "That's okay. Seb, you know me... you know that doesn't matter to me."
"Well maybe it matters to me," he snaps, and he didn't meant to say it like that, but it's too late now and he watches as the corners of Kurt's mouth twitch down into a frown. "Shit, Kurt, that's not what I meant–"
"If you don't want to date me then just say so, Sebastian," Kurt says coolly.
Sebastian runs a hand through his hair and lets out a frustrated sigh. "I do, I just...," he starts, but trails off, because how can he say this?
"Look, we don't have to jump right in, if you don't want," Kurt starts, tone warming a little, and he's eying Sebastian carefully now. "If that's what you're... if you're worried about being in a relationship, I... we can take things slow. That's why we're talking about it."
Sebastian just nods and looks down at the floor.
"If you don't want to be anything official yet, we don't have to be. We can take our time."
He looks back up at Kurt, sees the tentative sincerity in his eyes and the reassuring smile, and he actually laughs, because honestly this whole situation is sort of surreal.
Kurt looks at him, confused. "What?"
"I just... never thought you would be the one telling me we can take things slow."
Kurt laughs then, too, and easier smile spreading on his lips. "Well, I never really thought any of this would happen."
"Touché," Sebastian agrees.
"So, we're not dating dating, but can I still...," Kurt starts, trailing off as Sebastian catches his eyes flickering down to his lips.
"Please do," Sebastian says, and then their lips are pressed together again, fingers tangling together and into hair, and everything just feels right.
Kurt had suggested they go to Breakstix for their first official date, but despite having done that exact thing on several occasions before, Sebastian had shot the idea down immediately. Kurt had laughed at him, but said it was fine, and asked if he had a better idea. Which he didn't. But going to dinner just seemed too... formal, to him. Too official. And the idea of a boyfriend still felt... weird. So Kurt had just rolled his eyes and waited patiently as Sebastian tried to think of something sufficiently not date-like. Which, Kurt had pointed out, kind of defeated the purpose of going on a date, and Sebastian had just told him to shut up.
Kurt had also insisted it wouldn't feel any different, it would be just like every other time they've hung out together. But Kurt was wrong, it undeniably feels very different.
"I can't believe you wanted our first date to be at an arcade," Kurt says with a chuckle as he follows Sebastian through the doors.
"I figured I'd be a little more comfortable if I could spend the afternoon kicking your ass," Sebastian explains with a shrug. He's gotten a little better at acknowledging his feelings, but usually it's in the form of a joke.
"How charming," Kurt says with a smirk. "I wouldn't count on you being the one doing the ass kicking, though."
Sebastian laughs. "You hate video games. Of course I'll kick your ass."
"If you know I don't like video games, why would you take me on a date here?" Kurt teases, pouting slightly.
"Because I knew that if you agreed to come it meant you really do like me," Sebastian teases right back.
Kurt grabs Sebastian's hand to stop him, and Sebastian turns to look at him. "I do," Kurt says with a shy smile, a slight blush rising in his cheeks.
"Obviously," Sebastian jokes, and then pulls his hand from Kurt's and keeps walking. He's never had a problem with physical contact, whether in public or in private; never had a problem with touching other guys or letting them touch him. But there's something about the hand holding and the cuddling and the tendernessand intimacy that comes with these small touches he shares with Kurt sometimes that just unnerves him. It makes him uncomfortable. And he'd thought that he'd gotten over that reaction to being touched a long time ago – he's spent a lot of time getting comfortable touching and being touched – but there's just something different about this, about how intimate it feels, and it's the most frustrating thing in the world because this is Kurt and he shouldn't be feeling that way. Not with Kurt. He can trust Kurt. He knows he can.
Kurt doesn't reach for his hand again.
"Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I'm not good at them," Kurt says as Sebastian feeds money into the machine which promptly dispenses a handful of tokens.
"Well, we'll just have to find out then, won't we?" Sebastian says with a smirk.
"I guess so," Kurt responds with a grin. "What are we playing first?"
"Air hockey?" Sebastian suggests as innocently as he can.
Kurt rolls his eyes. "That's not even a video game."
"True, but it is sports, which you also hate," Sebastian teases with a wide grin. When they're like this, it's easy to forget about the flash of disappointment he'd caught on Kurt's face when he pulled away.
"Fine, whatever. Air hockey it is," Kurt agrees.
They make their way over to the air hockey tables; there are two in the arcade, one of which is being used by a pair of younger boys, so they claim the other. Sebastian deposits the tokens, and the table comes to life, air spewing from the small holes and the red puck starts moving around of its own accord.
"I'll let you start," Sebastian offers, making his way to the opposite end of the table and gripping the striker.
"You sure about that?" Kurt asks him, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. I figure you could use the advantage," Sebastian shoots back.
Kurt just rolls his eyes, grips his own striker and catches the puck underneath as it floats by. "Ready?"
"Born ready," Sebastian says with a smirk.
Kurt's striker connects with the puck then, sending it flying across the table toward Sebastian, and he smacks it right back toward Kurt. It bounces back and forth between the two boys several times before Kurt sends it ricocheting off the side and sliding into Sebastian's goal.
"Oh, what happened there?" Kurt asks with mock innocence and a teasing grin.
He can't deny that he's a bit impressed; not that he could ever admit that to Kurt. "Nothing. Just thought I'd give you a head start is all," he responds as he pulls the puck out and sets it back on the table.
"Right," Kurt says with raised eyebrows and an exaggerated nod, "of course. How thoughtful."
"I didn't want to show you up too badly right away. This is a date, after all."
"A date you planned specifically with the intention of kicking my ass," Kurt points out.
"Can't do it all at once," Sebastian says with a sly grin, "where's the fun in that?" Then he sends the puck flying back across the table toward Kurt.
Kurt wins air hockey; it's close, but he manages to win by one point, and Sebastian attributes it to going easy on Kurt, but really he's pretty impressed with the other boy's skill. He hadn't expected that. They play a game of skee ball, which Sebastian wins, and then Kurt wins the racing game, which is the first actual video game they've played, and he's even more surprised.
"I told you just because I don't like them doesn't mean I'm bad at them. Finn is my brother, you think I don't get stuck playing video games at least once a week?"
"Not enough to be that good," Sebastian argues, "it was just luck. Rematch."
"Fine," Kurt says, rolling his eyes fondly.
Sebastian inserts another token, and the game starts up again. He beats Kurt this time, and turns to look at him with a smug grin as he passes the finish line.
"Now who's the winner?"
"Nobody. If you haven't noticed, Seb, we're tied."
"Only because I let you win the first game of air hockey," Sebastian says with a smirk.
"You did not," Kurt argues, "I won that fair and square. It's not my fault you underestimated me."
"Whatever you say," Sebastian says as he turns to walk toward the claw machine.
"You're not insisting on breaking the tie? You know nobody can win at a claw machine, right?" Kurt asks with a laugh.
"We only have one token left," Sebastian explains, "and besides, I decided I don't want to crush your spirits too much on the first date. Have to save something for next time."
"How thoughtful," Kurt says with a roll of his eyes.
Sebastian pops the last token into the machine then grips the joystick as the claw rises up. He manoeuvres it around until it's positioned over a rubber ball.
"You know these things never work," Kurt comments as Sebastian hits the button.
"Maybe not for you," Sebastian says, turning to smirk at the other both, "but I never lose."
"You lost twice today," Kurt deadpans.
Sebastian doesn't bother to respond as he turns to look back at the machine and watches as the claw descends, missing the ball he'd aimed for entirely and gripping the foot of a stuffed animal buried among the other toys instead; that's fine, Kurt doesn't know what he was aiming for, anyway.
The claw raises, and it looks like it's going to lose grip of the foot as it pulls the toy out of the pile, but it somehow hangs on and Sebastian is glad for that until he realizes what kind of animal it is.
Kurt bursts into laughter beside him. "It's a meerkat," he giggles, actually giggles.
"Since when do they even make meerkat toys?" Sebastian asks incredulously, watching as the claw drops the toy down the chute for him to take.
"Aren't you going to take it?" Kurt asks with a wide grin.
"You can have it," he mumbles, crossing his arms. This is stupid.
"How sweet, you won me a stuffed animal on our first date," Kurt teases as he takes the stuffed animal from the machine and holds it up to Sebastian. "Who knew you were such a romantic?"
"Don't get your hopes up," Sebastian says, "it was purely by chance."
"Wait, so you're saying this isn't what you were trying to win?"
Sebastian rolls his eyes. "I'm saying I wasn't trying to be romantic."
"Right, of course," Kurt says, a smug tone to his voice, "whatever you say."
Sebastian glances at Kurt, who's grinning widely, and he can't help but smile back at the other boy. Not that he has anything to really compare it to, but he'd say this was a pretty damn good date.