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She Started It First

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Now

 

“You’re a God Damn Coward. I can’t believe you are going to do nothing. Get off your ass and go get your girl!" Follows him as he stomps into his room and slams the door. 

 

He falls on his cot. Who the hell is Forman to tell him what to do?

 

To tell him two days before Jackie is suppose to marry God Damn Kelso and is gone forever, that Kelso planned their demise.

 

To tell him that he has a plan, and he believes Jackie could still be his.

 

What the fuck does Eric know? Kelso may have played puppet master, but he is the one to blame. There is no getting her back.

 

He closes his eyes, willing his brain to not think of her, but a huge crash of lightning forces him back in time to one of the most crucial days of his life.

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Then

He was in a mood. Every crack of thunder and high wind that nailed the house, he got tenser. He knew somewhere Jackie was scared to death, she hates storms and he knew that there was no way she would come out in this. No way she would be coming to the basement, leaving him alone to his thoughts and his secret desire for her. 

 

He ruminated darkly to himself, she better not be out driving in this weather. No one should be out in this. He had sent Fez home before the storm hit and Eric was still being a dink and acting like a baby up in his room, so he didn’t to have worry about him. He did go check to make sure Mrs. Forman was in the house, and he got a sweet kiss on his cheek. He didn’t worry about Red, he was pretty sure the storm would bow down in the presence of Red Forman.

 

 Jackie…. He sighed. He was worried about her.  She had been strangely quiet since Kelso and Donna left. He had expected tears, rage, and blinding pain to come to those eyes he loved so much. He had been prepared to kill Kelso when he rolled back into town. 

 

He had seen her sob in Red’s arms like her heart had be shredded, but when she came out of the garage, she was oddly calm and she ambled had towards him, stopping right in front of him but not looking at him. This is not acceptable and never will be to him, the denial of her eyes.

 

He had tipped her chin and said, “Doll?”

 

He had been waiting for her to fall apart on him, but instead she had taken a shaky breath and looked at him and said

 

 “I’ll be okay”

 

She had then hugged him tightly almost like he would disappear just like Kelso did. He had kissed the top of her head and had said quietly 

 

“Kelso's a fool”

 

Her head had come up sharply and looked at him strangely, her eyes almost like she had been given some great piece of knowledge she had been searching for.

 

She had sighed  “It’s time for me to go home.”

 

She had started to saunter down the drive. He remembered thinking Red would kill him for letting her walk home alone, and he didn’t like her walking by herself anyway, so he followed. 

 

She didn’t say a word the whole way home and when they arrived in the shadow of the mansion, those mismatched eyes had turned on him and smiled sweetly.

 

“Thank You, Steven. You always take care of me.” 

 

She had kissed his cheek and went inside. He remembered thinking she looked so slight walking into that monstrous house. 

 

He had shaken his head and muttered “Fucking Kelso”

 

He jumped up from his chair and paced the basement. He was restless and felt like a caged animal. Spending so much time with Jackie without the spectator of Kelso was making him want to crawl out of his skin. The want, the desire, the craving to touch Jackie was getting out of hand. Sitting with her day after day in the basement was the cruelest torture. He wants so badly to be with her, but he can’t cross the line, he is scared to risk losing her. 

 

His thoughts are completely scattered by the basement door flying open. He looked immediately assuming the wind had blown it opened, but there stood Jackie. Her clothes plastered to her body. Her hair looked like she had stood out in the storm for hours, mud was caked on her arm and blood was coming from her elbow. He did what he had been doing his whole life, He sprung up and darted to her the overwhelming desire to scoop her up and protect her from whatever had dared to try to hurt her. In this case the sidewalk where she had slipped in the mud and scrapped her elbow. 

 

Instead, he did what he always did when she scared the crap out of him he started yelling

 

“Jesus Jackie! Why would you come out in this weather? You don't even have an umbrella. We’ve talked about this. You have to have better common sense.” 

 

Another chapter added to endless series of lectures about taking care of herself.

 

He stops when he realizes she is saying nothing. Just staring at him, her eyes glazed over. She keeps licking her lips.

 

“Jackie are you okay?” he puzzled out. Perplexed by her silence.

 

Then she did something that would be important and essential to who they are together, something that Kelso could never manage and would always fear. Jackie asked him to read her.

 

Unblinking she grabbed is hand and said softly 

 

“Steven look at me.”

 

He stopped scanning her for injuries and did what she asked. He stared straight in those hypnotic eyes. 

 

He gasped softly. His whole body comes to attention as he reads her every thought, hope and wish. She’s hiding nothing and everything she feels for him is proudly on her face. She is finally telling him out loud how she feels. 

 

He steps forward and rests his head on hers, barely daring to believe 

 

“Why Now?”

 

With an iron will that only Jackie could  produce for someone so tiny she says with deliberate passion 

 

“I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending I’m upset he left.  I’m tired of hiding who I want. I’m tired of selling myself short because I’m worried you don’t want me, the way I want you. I’m tired of hiding behind and clinging to Kelso because I live in fear of losing you. I want to be with you. This is my stand Steven.”

 

He can barely believe it. A thousand words well up in him but all he can get out is

 

 “Doll” he says it with reverence.

 

 For the second time in his life he kisses the only girl he has ever wanted. As soon as his lips hit hers he feels that click again, he feels utter balance, and he knows she is who he needs. 



They haven’t moved an inch from the door, the rain is still blowing around them. They have become oblivious to the world. Then she rocks him to his very core and says something that even in his wildest dreams he couldn't have imagined she would say, or he could have predicted would happen when he woke up this morning.

 

She reaches up and brushes his cheek, and she takes a nervous breath. 

 

“Steven I want to be with you. I want you to make me yours. Please.”

 

If someone had told him he was the king of fucking England at that moment he would have believed it more than what just came out of her mouth, if he didn’t know better he would think he was on the best trip of his life.

 

Not ten minutes ago he had been pacing the room with the desperate need to even touch her, and now she was asking him to be with her. To take her. His mind shuts off as his whole body heats and becomes turned on. 

 

He’s stunned silent. She looks at him, and arches her eyebrow in challenge. It takes everything in him to not throw her up the against the wall, and answer that dare in every way. Fierce and fast and on fire will come for them in time, this is more than that, so he cools his blood.

 

“Jackie, are sure?” he whispers

 

Her eyes are luminous. He’s never seen her like this, he’s dreamed of it in the darkest part of the night, wanted it when she has strolled into the basement unaware he is watching her, and occasionally thought he glimpsed the return desire for him, but nothing his imagination could build could compare to the reality of a Jackie with desire vibrating through her fairy sized body.

 

Still, he loves her too much to do this if she doesn't really want it. Hell 20 minutes ago they were still just friends and now Jackie has blown them across the line like the hurricane the outside.

 

He is pulled from his musing by her voice; soft, breathless and full of something yet to come voice

 

“Steven, look at me, Really look at me.”  She pulls his forehead to hers. 

 

She has been saying this and doing this to him since she was little. They have always been able to read each other. This expression came to be in the middle of their first fight when she couldn't get him to listen. She had grabbed him and yelled

 

 “STEVEN! Look at me. Really look at me!” 

 

It was this moment in a middle of a stupid squabble  that their souls became connected for life. He had been 10 and she 9, but he had understood a million things in that moment and he knew her eyes would never lie to him. 

 

Those word were code for…. she needs him to know the real her.  

 

He doesn’t hesitate, to see her, connect with her, and know her this way. This is something he shares with no one not even Kelso. This is solely his. This is what later will cause Kelso to fear and wake up in a cold sweat because Jackie is a mystery to him and it burns him that Hyde sees something he doesn’t. 

 

What Hyde identifies nearly causes him to buckle. Those pools of green and blue are not even blinded by passion or teenage horniness. Those mysterious looking eyes are brimming, almost overflowing with need, want and love for him.

 

He needs nothing else,  Jackie’s eyes never lie.

 

“Baby”  he gruffly whispers.

 

He scoops her up and on instinct her petite legs clench around his waist.

 

She grabs his face and kisses him. There is no more softness; this kiss is ravenous, full of need, and want. REAL WANT. 

 

Her hunger fuels the fire in him. Embers he has been trying to bank since she walked in the damn door with Keslo at 14, The fire that almost got out of control when she laid her head on his chest at prom. A blazing heat that coursed through him the first time they kissed, and she claimed she experienced nothing. The absolute craving to have her every fucking moment she has been with Kelso.

 

He carries her back into his room, kicking the door shut. Not once breaking contact from her pouty lips. Some part of him believes this a dream and if he breaks contact she will disappear and he will wake up turned on, sweaty and cursing Kelso with every fiber of his being.

 

He lays her down softly on the cot, like she really is the doll  he calls her. This is not the Hyde who has banged girls in the back of cars. This is not the Hyde who is known for screwing cheerleaders in the locker room and then leaving. That was about physical release. 

 

This is Steven. Jackie’s Steven, someone that is a stranger to everyone else and this is His Jackie. His Jackie. 

 

He pulls back and wants to see her face. He strokes her hair out of his way and rubs her cheek. She leans into the caress like she is starving for affection and tenderness, and he silently damns every man who has treated her like an object to be played with instead of cherished. 

 

Her soul reading eyes connect with his, and he watches a single but haunting tear fall down her flawless face.

 

He clenches “Jackie?”

 

He is in a panic, what if she already regrets but doesn’t know how to tell him. 

He forgets she can read him as perfectly as he can read her and she sees the worry sweep across his features. She grabs his face and says with a fierceness he’s never heard before

 

“I love you so much, and I am so tired of hiding it and dreaming you want me to."

 

He hears the words ‘I love you” and he feels an explosion in his body, he needs nothing else.



He begins to place soft and reverent kisses all over her face, neck and chest.

 

Every button on her wet crop top is slowly replaced with his mouth. The heat of his mouth on her chilled skin is intoxicating. When he gets her top off he gets the shock of his life

 

“Jesus Jackie” 

 

Before him is a bare chested Jackie, whose breasts are pert from cold and desire simultaneously. She fucking beautiful, and he devours the temptation in front of him.

 

“Steven” She murmurs out her voice throaty with pleasure.

 

The rest of her clothes and all of his come off quickly.

 

There she is his heart’s most secret desire, staring at him like he is the best thing that ever happened to her. He knows this can't be real or forever, but he refuses to think about that right now. He covers her with his body and he almost dies just from holding a naked Jackie under him.

 

He nuzzles into her hair and whispers

 

“Be sure. Please be sure. There's no going back. It will never be the same.”

 

She whispers with firmness and fierceness into his neck

 

“I don't want to go back.”

 

He comes out of her neck and kisses her deeply. 

 

He takes his knee and gently parts her legs. He has a moment of complete awe, he is between Jackie’s thighs, he can’t believe it. He grabs her wrists and raises them above her head, his eyes never leaving hers, and he slides himself into her, and it is the first time he hears her purr of pleasure.

 

As his body joins Jackie’s, all he can think is “She is mine.” It is the most primal of male thought but possessing, having and claiming her this way brings him a deep satisfaction he didn’t know he needed. 

 

Her face is one of rapture, and she raises her hips to him in an attempt to get him to move. He needs no more motivation.

 

They move in perfect rhythm. Watching Jackie while being inside her is his new favorite drug. Nothing he drinks, smokes or does will ever top the slick pleasure raging through his veins. He will be addicted to this, her, and then need to have her his whole life. When they are separated he will drink, smoke, get high and try to lose himself in other women, but nothing will ever quench the thirst of this addiction, only she can calm that unbearable need.

 

He feels her close to her peak, and he is close to his as well

 

He thrusts into her deeply and looks at her says what he has been thinking this whole time and wanting for years

 

“You are mine now. You are mine.”

 

Her eyes blaze and her body tightens around him, and they crash over the wave together.

 

He’s laid with Jackie a million times. It's one of the ways they have been taking care of each other since they were young.

 

He crawled in bed and held her the night her house went mad with anger and hate, and she was scared.

 

She kept him close when Edna was violent, and he had hidden in her closet. After her parents said goodnight, she ran to the closet and forced him out. She had drug him into her dainty pink Unicorn Bed. Although he was three times her size, he felt safe and warm. It awed him that he knew Jackie wanted to take care of him.

 

He gathered her close after she was almost raped and soothed her until she fell asleep. It was one of the rare times he stayed the whole night. He never let her go, not once. He spent the whole all night dreaming of killing the bastard, but he's grip was never anything but soft and comforting.

 

But this…. Holding her after being with her blows all of their moments out of the water.

 

Their bodies are still pressed together, not an inch of space between them and he knows this day will be permanently etched in his soul. He in this moment of bliss has no idea how right he is.

 

Her face is buried in his chest, and he lazily playing with her raven locks. He is stuck dumb by the fact that he was just with Jackie. JACKIE. He knows though he has to say something. His Doll will expect words

 

 “Jackie that was incredible”

 

Silence drifts back up to him, and he looks down to see she is asleep. Her face lays right over his heart. She looks so peaceful and happy that he can't help but let a contented sleep start to fall over him as well.

 

“Sweet Dreams Doll.” he murmurs into her hair before he drifts away.

 

The rain and crashing storm is their lullaby, as they both dream of what it means to be with each other.

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Now

 

 It’s the rain pounding on the roof and thunder rumbling that causes him to think of that day. He misses her terribly. He was such a fucking idiot. It was never a fling. It was never about sex,  though being with her is incredible. It was never about anything other than he has wanted and loved Jackie his whole life. He can’t help but grin at the memory of her that day. Leave it to Jackie to have the courage to pull them over the line.

 

It was a mystery to their friends, particularly Eric and Kelso, how he and Jackie got close so fast.

No one knew that Jackie and he had been hiding their friendship and who they were together for years. To the gang it was all brand new and strange, but to them it was finally being able to be who they really were together in front of the world. They got to stop pretending to hate each other and putting on a mass charade that they didn't know each other inside and out. 

 

 They had never felt the need to explain to anyone why they were so close. 

 

He closes his eyes with regret. He wishes they had told everyone everything. He wishes he had not used it as a weapon to drive Kelso into the ground. He wishes desperately that he hadn’t wanted to hoard that part of his life with Jackie closely, because he wanted no one else to have access to her like that.

 

Maybe, if they had, their friends would have understood more, maybe the destruction that was reeked on them would not have happened, or at least Eric would have understood sooner. 

 

Maybe…. If he wasn’t a fool

 

Maybe if had really understood the woman he loves

 

Maybe if he had remembered she loved him

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe,

 

So many maybes in the world that was the complete and total destruction of him and Jackie.

 

As he stares at the ceiling he feels tears of regret fall and mostly he is so sorry he is perfectly fucking stupid for not telling her how much he loved her and how much their closeness meant to him.

 

He knows Eric is mad at him for not going after Kelso and killing him after what he told him tonight, but it’s because while Kelso may have helped the chain of events….. No one made him

 

Lose his shit and never let go of “get off my boyfriend”

Screw that nurse

Be Black with Jealousy

Let his fears of losing her push her away

There  is no one to blame but himself for Vegas and Sam 

 

Most of all there is no one, NO ONE, to blame but him for the absolute sin he committed of treating her like trash. 

 

The afternoon changed it all, that one day that would alter the history of the basement gang. As much as their friends wanted to blame him…..It was her. Relentless, unapologetic, goes after what she wants………... her. She braved something that terrified her to be with him.  She had let nothing stop her. 

 

A perfect backdrop, he thinks of that storm that day with wistfulness, because they could be a storm themselves.  Again her soaking wet image coming in the door like hell on wheels comes tumbling into his mind, and he remembers how nasty the thunder and lightning were, how the wind roared and the rain had pelted down in blinding sheets, but Jackie, who is scared shitless of storms, had come anyway. 

 

He listens to the storm raging above him with unrelenting unforgiveness, it’s violent and it sounds like the sky has gone to war. He knows tomorrow trees will be down and things will be a mess, but he also knows that people always dig out after a storm. 

 

He swallows deeply and makes a decision that makes him want to crawl in a hole and die. It makes him want to tremble at the idea, but he gets up and gets off his cot and finds a still pissed off Eric on the couch.

 

He says from behind him “What time is the rehearsal dinner?”

 

He is going to brave the storm for Jackie.