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who put these waves in the door? (i crack and out i pour)

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Amity knows she conceals her emotions well. Years of being put under the pressure of the blight name forced her to wind, to shift into the mold she was supposed to fill in since birth, like her siblings and her parents and possibly every other substantial family on the boiling isles. She knows how to growl, how to mask those troublesome little imperfect emotions, and fiddle with the fear of other peers like a bard witch playing with their instrument, making them sing the verses of her choosing. She sharpens her tongue, making them cut deeper than any blades, she cools her gaze to freeze their limbs in place and make their hearts burst with fear, and most importantly she keeps them all at arm's length as to not endanger her family name in any way shape or form, less her parents remind her of disappointment at every turn.

 

The absolute wrath flaring in her chest cannot be contained this time. It spreads like a malignant disease, slithering through the barely-there fissures in her not so perfect mold she contorted herself to fit in and making her spill out onto the ground, overflowing and pouring out in heaps of repressed sadness turned to anger. But the shake in her hands does not do well with the situation, as she struggles to hold the other girls head close to her chest, a pitiful attempt at protection, at safety. There is blood splattered on her not-so-pink-anymore dress but the source of it makes her heart clench in painful terror.

 

Luz's face is peacefully unconscious, a glaring contrast to the singed markings on her clothes and the red dripping down the side of her features. Her breath is steady and Amity stares at the rise and fall of her chest almost like it's her lifeline.

 

Too far.

 

The rage boils underneath her eyes and spilling out in clear droplets of briny tears, hands curling hard into the moss-colored jacket until it hurts her, knuckles whiten, anything at all to feel her close and safe.

 

She lifts her head and she can feel the spell circles already forming around her wrists.

 

They took it too far this time.

 

She gently sets the limp girl's head on the ground, heart slamming in her ribs when nothing happens. She looks forward again, at the retreating figures of Boscha and her pack, backs turned to them and walking with that air of superiority they always think they have.

 

"Willow," she says, her voice foreign to her ears but she doesn't take her gaze away from what's in front of her. "Take her to the healing wing, please."

 

"Amity?"

 

She hears the underlying meaning. She only nods once. Approval is in her gaze, she knows, and she inwardly sighs.

 

When Willow reaches her she doesn't look at her eyes. 

 

I'm sorry.

 

It goes unspoken

 

It's not your fault.

 

Her shoulder tense, and she bolts.

 

Her feet thumped onto the ground, Boscha's smirk and cruel laughter flashing in her head along with a pained yelp ringing in her ears and Luz's body crumbling to the soil, and she feels the blazing desire to pummel that smug face into the ground. She shoots her arm up and the circle glows.

 

The sprouted flames cut them off, making them stumble back like scared mice and Boscha turns around.

 

Her eyes widen but Amity doesn't stop running.

 

Her pulse thunders in her ears as she slams into her, the kick connecting with her stomach directly, and the satisfaction in her chest triples when she makes a pained noise as she collapses. She crouches right in front of her face, her hand fists into her shirt and she slams her down again. There's a wild roar inside her, raging and thrashing, wanting to hurt, to tear, to destroy-

 

Boscha chokes, grabbing her hand and digging her fingernails into her wrists, tugging and pleading to be let go-

 

She twists her face into an innocent smile, letting her head tilt a bit as she brings her close, the gold of her eyes sharpening into something terrifyingly dangerous.

 

"Are you going somewhere?"  she whispers, and it most certainly is a threat.

 

She vaguely gestures to Skara, that pesky little girl still clinging to Boscha when she knows nothing good can come out of it, a silent sign to leave.

 

"Amy-" she steps forward, arms spread in a placating manner.

 

She twists her head fast, outright growling at the girl. "Don't you dare call me that you little idiotic porcelain  bitch! "

 

She lets the fear in her eyes fuel her desire to burn.

 

The flames get higher, brighter, deadly and there's sweat forming at their temples but she doesn't care-

 

She pushes Boscha with a sudden jerk of her arm, a thrill running up her spine when she hears her head hit the dirt with a groan of discomfort, and rises. Skara shakes as she approaches, a carnal predator closing up on a meek little piece of worthless living meat, but stands her ground. Amity notes somewhere in the murky parts of her mind that the others have fled, likely running through the fire to get out.

 

Her fangs show when she snarls. Skara trembles.

 

Good.

 

She can feel the way she cracks, like the little weak thing she is, but she gets close, closer than she's ever stood in front of the girl. Her fists are clenched, and she knows the blood seeped into her dress, the wild look in her eye and angry creases on her face does not give her an appearance even close to friendly.

 

"Listen well, you worthless excuse for a  witch,"  she feels the fires encompassing her fists, and she clenches harder, "you lost the right to call me that the second you let Boscha enter the field. You lost the right to look at me and say,  this is my friend when you didn't do anything to stop Boscha from throwing the Titan-forsaken fireball at my  Luz and you lost every single thread of connection you had with me when you decided to walk away like the coward. You. Are."    

 

She leans in, making sure to give Skara a good look at the purple flames glinting in her eyes, before gnarring out one more thing.

 

"If I ever see Boscha and the little clique you hang with even remotely close to us, I'll make sure you won't even recognize yourselves in the mirror. Got that  Skar ?" she spits out her name with venom.

 

The other girl gulps, tears gathering at the edges of her eyes, swimming and swirling with shame and guilt, and nods lowering her head.

 

She snaps her jaw once. "Good." And turns around.

 

The flames die out, smoke clouding her eyes, and she walks back inside the school.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

The floor is unnaturally white.

 

The healing wing has always been a place Amity detested. It was too bright and it hurt her eyes, everything black and white, and plain and scary and the sterile scent followed her wherever she went, stinging her nostrils and usually leaving her with headaches. You wouldn't even find her a step near it, only going in case one of her sibling's plans backfired, or when she got hurt in Grudgby. Those were the only and extremely rare occasions and she would try in all her power not to remain there more than was necessary. 

 

For her to come here for one week repeatedly,  each fucking day was more than just surprising. It felt like she was breaking an unspoken rule of hers, stepping each day through the doorstep of the wing and tightening her grip on whatever flower she brought that day.

 

(Yeah, sue her, she's bringing fucking flowers. She would do so much more if she could.)

 

Does that mean she got odd looks?

 

Fucking definitely.

 

(She vaguely realizes how much more vulgar her vocabulary has gotten, and her mind flashes with the image of her parents. She shakes it away.)

 

Well... from her siblings at least. She would step outside, barely a foot out the door before they just teleport next to her and tease her endlessly the entire way to Hexide. The other students didn't want to mess with her because of her family name, and she didn't have a reason why teachers would inquire about her whereabouts. They were the only ones who asked about why she was going there, even if it was annoying. That didn't mean she would answer their questions but... she enjoyed their presence. It takes her mind off other less desirable thoughts.

 

But as she stands still next to the blue sheets of the healing bed, staring with her blurred vision at the still unconscious human, she realizes she would keep doing it. She would push away discomforts, she would fight tooth and nail, she would be vulnerable if it meant she could stand beside Luz her whole life. She would bury these thoughts with her since she was still denying that yeah, she is going soft on her and only her,  but that little prideful part of her is slowly decaying itself as she puts the flower in the pot next to the numerous others.

 

She was still a Blight, that bitch with an attitude everyone knows at school and fancy parties and meetings, but here in this too white room with the stinging sterile scent, she is  Amity. Amity, who enjoys playful banter, Amity who cant properly use words when she wants to tell you how much you mean to her but she tries anyway, Amity who squeals when she sees something cute, Amity who flaps her hands when she's happy, Amity who fell hard for this dumb stupid human who just won't wake up.

 

She falls into the chair, taking a slightly cold tanned hand into her own and just wishing she could have done something.

 

I'm sorry.

 

And, she realizes yet again, she means it.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

So... tired...

 

Stupid fucking pompous parents with their stupid fucking expectations.

 

It has been one week and two days since the incident at the Grudgy field. Amity has been doing a little back and forth between the school and the healing wing, not having time to sleep or do anything outside of excessive studying and helping the staff.

 

Why was she helping the staff?

 

No idea.

 

Liar.

 

She scoffs, and she blinks when the pencil in her hand snaps in two.

 

The enraged groan she lets out gets muffled by the loud thump of her forehead connecting with her desk.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

One and a half weeks.

 

Students have noticed.

 

Where's the human?

 

I haven't been seeing the human.

 

Is the human girl okay?

 

I heard that something happened regarding her and Boscha.

 

Do you think she's sick?

 

She has been missing a lot of classes...

 

Amity just tenses her shoulders and snaps whenever anyone comes close. Her head is starting to hurt, and her chest stings whenever they mention Luz in the hallways. She almost smashes her locker door when someone asked if she knew why the human ditched school.

 

They left with a half-burned oracle book and fear in their steps.

 

On her way to class, she comes to a sudden halt. Her mind is filling up with the image Luz's bloodied face, her slightly shallow breathing, and how scared her eyes looked when she saw that fireball approaching.

 

"Amity, watch out!"

 

She screws her eyes shut, vision blurring. Her hands clutch the strap of her bookbag, and she exhales.

 

She just needs sleep.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

 "You haven't been sleeping well, have you Mittens?"

 

"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that you dumbass parasite?" 

 

"Oh Ed, it seems our dear little sister is avoiding the subject." 

 

"It's none of your fucking business anyway."

 

"Aw, Mittens but it is! As your older siblings, it is our job to tease you-"

 

"And make sure you're in tippy-top shape!"

 

"Why did the Titan give you as my siblings of all people?"

 

"Because he knew you would overwork yourself to death."

 

"My dear brother truer words have never been spoken!"

 

"I will burn your hair off."

 

"You would never!"

 

"We're too charming for that kind of cruel punishment!"

 

"Will you two stop interfering with everything in my whole life for one fucking second?! Will it kill you to just leave me alone?! Isn't it enough that Luz is hurt, and Titan forbid dying and no one is trying to do anything to just help her, that mom and dad have breathing down my back since they caught me going out once, and I can't fucking go anywhere since you idiots appear every time and are only good for making me feel like the disappointment of the family! "

 

"Amity-"

 

"GET THE FUCK OUT!"

 

She slams the door close.

 

Her legs give out soon after, and she cries.

 

She hasn't sobbed like that since she was five.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

"You know," she says, slowly stroking the knuckles of the girl in the bed, "I'm starting to think you just refuse to wake up so you will avoid the scolding you so rightfully deserve."

 

Two weeks.

 

"It's been hard here without you, you know..." Her head tilts to the side, tiredly gazing at the other girl's sleeping face. "It's so... awfully quiet. There are no new explosions every break, or a Cerberus pup running in the halls, or even leftover slime you used to leave everywhere. It's all cleaned up."

 

You had a radiant smile every time you did something good.

 

"Remember when you said nobody knew you back in your world? Well, now everyone is asking what happened to you... If you're okay. They think you left and they're sad about it."

 

You matter so much to me.

 

" Gus and Willow visit sometimes too. They brought you a leftover dragon scale from Viney. She saved it for you. Jerbo also gave you a really big sample from his dirt abomination, since he knows you like to play with it."

 

I wonder if all of this can bring you back.

 

She laughs, a hollow sound in her throat. "Barkus is afraid to use oracle magic now. He says he doesn't want to see what will happen if you don't wake up."

 

You've been unconscious for so long.

 

"But you'll wake up eventually... Won't you Luz?" she tightens the grip around the tanned hand. "You'll wake up... And you'll... You'll be f-fine."

 

Please.

 

Wake up.

 

I won't know what to do with myself if you're gone.

 

"Why did you have to play the hero? Why must you be so stupid and selfless? Do you know how scared Eda was? Or how sad Willow and Gus were? Do you know how angry and terrified I was for you when you pushed me out of the way? That fireball was intended for me, so why in the name of the Titan-" she squeezes her eyes shut. "Why, why, why did you do that?  was supposed to end up here. Not you."

 

I love you too much. It hurts so much when I see you like this.

 

"You're supposed to be running around, looking for glyphs, and being your usual happy self. You're supposed to help Willow with her carnivorous plants, you're supposed to help Gus with his illusions, you're supposed to hang out with The Troublemakers and laugh at the pranks my siblings make." She shakes her head, shoulders tensing. "You promised me we would have the next Azura club a week ago. You said you love it when we banter. You said you like my hair, that it reminds you of a... lion from back in your world. You said that you wanted to show me that new fire spell you learned and that I should meet you in the field. You said so many things and yet all I can hear is how you screamed when you were almost scorched by-"

 

She stops. She gulps. She lets go of Luz's hand and rises from the chair. 

 

"I'm sorry. I'll stop by tomorrow."

 

And out the door, she goes.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

Two weeks and three days.

 

She didn't come back the next day.

 

She sat at her desk for the entire day, reading and writing, studying for everything and nothing at the same time. She was looking at the books, at the information they contained, yet her mind would not absorb anything from it.

 

So, she didn't leave the room until something other than fire and that one single scream repeated in her brain.

 

An entire day was wasted. She went to sleep at four am. She didn't bother to go to school for once in her life.

 

And the next day as well.

 

And she planning to do the same thing today.

 

And as always, her siblings noticed. 

 

Her ear twitches, a growl forming in the back of her throat. "What do you imbeciles want?"

 

The twins froze for a few seconds, and she rolls her eyes, annoyed. Were they seriously thinking they were being sneaky? She heard them come ever since the first step of the stairs creaked. They return to normal immediately though and they don't hesitate to cross the doorway into her room.

 

She does growl this time.

 

To her hidden surprise, they stop again.

 

Is this some kind of game?

 

"I said, what do you two want?" she asks again, not taking her eyes off the paper in front of her. She writes down a few more words about the ways the magic from the bile sac allows the abomination mixture to be maneuvered, then looks at the book next to her. "I'm busy right now."

 

"Can we come in?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Uh..."

 

Emira sighs. "We're worried about you, Amity.''

 

"There is no reason for you to worry." She jots down more ingredients for a more solid feel to the abomination. "If that is all, you can leave now."

 

"You haven't been sleeping at all."

 

"I have. You just didn't see when I did."

 

"Mittens, you're good at a lot of stuff, but you're a terrible liar."

 

She wants to snap her pen in half and hit them with it like drumsticks.

 

"We want to make sure you're okay."

 

"Well, you're here. You saw me. Now you can go."

 

"Mittens..."

 

"Emmy!" She mocks in a high pitched voice.

 

She hears a sigh.

 

Then she's hauled out of her chair, and dragged to her bed.

 

"What the-" She struggles against her brother's grip, kicking her feet. "Edric, let me go!"

 

"Sorry sis, big sis orders!"

 

"You dumbasses are the same age!"

 

"Actually," Emira pipes in with a smile, "I'm older by twenty seconds."

 

"Oh, for fuck's sake!"