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Five years...

Five years since you left. Leaving nothing but a short note behind. In it you claimed it was for our own good. That you didn' want to cause us anymore pain. You claimed you would be okay if we ended up hating you for your decision. I can't speak for the others, but I never could. Don't get me wrong I am mad at you. Even if it has been five years since you left. I still can't help but not understand why you did it. I understand that you didn't want us to go through the process of watching you die. To see the last bit of life fade away in your eyes. To not have Mikasa watch another one of her loved ones die. But by leaving you broke her more than she ever was when see watched how her mother and father were killed in cold blood right before her eyes. Or to live through the destruction of her second home and to lose her second mother figure to the ever present hunger of the Titans. To look how the only remaining adult in her life walked to his own death. You once told me you never wanted to be like your father, but by leaving you only proved how much the two of you are alike. For Jean, Sasha, Connie and Historia you're another friend they lost due to this wretched war. That has kept us prisoner inside these walls. Hange lost another subordinate and comrade. One of the few people who could endure her madness. The captain... You hurt him really bad by leaving. The moment we found your note something broke inside of him. Then there is me. I lost my best friend, the first friend I ever had. The one who stuck by me no matter what. I always thought we would go and see the world behind these walls together. I guess you no longer shared this dream. Which I honestly can understand. You really went through to much, at a way to young age. Somethig that goes for all of us you know. You’re not alone in this cruel world. It seems you’ve forgot. You can argue of course that none of our friends share the same burden as you do, but what about me? I share the same curse like you. When you left it didn't just shatter our childhood dream, it also shattered my hope. The hope we could defy the odds and live a long and peaceful life. Living our dreams. Don't you remember Hange telling us she would find a way to prolong our lifes? That she would make it so us surviving wasn't just to be a weapon for humanity. A tool created by your father to avenge your mother's death and freeing all the Eldians. You have given so much. You deserved that cure, because it excists. She found a way to save our lives. It saved me and it could have saved you to. You can’t believe how shocked we all were when we heard they had found your body by your old home. A month after Hange found the cure. A month after I was saved. We were looking for you. Never stopped, but I guess we were to late huh. Those letters you wrote. Did you ever plan to send them? Maybe you just assumed they would be found together with your body.
I know you’re long gone and have joined all the other fallen people that were lost due to this war, but I still wanted to tell you this…

Thank you Eren.

For everything.