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Hiding my heart away

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This is how the story went

I met someone by accident 

It blew me away 

Blew me away 



I was only twelve when you walked into my life. The last thing I expected to find on New Years was love. I wanted to go to the party like my older sisters, but I was too young. I saw you helping Meg getting out of the carriage. I couldn’t believe it, “it’s the Laurence boy!”, I told Beth. We went to meet you all. While everyone attended Meg, I looked at you. 

“I’m Amy,” I said with adoration. You look so handsome that night. 

“Hello,” you answered out of politeness. But your attention was already devoted to Jo. You watch us all being ourselves, but you really watched her. We all called you Laurie, but she called you Teddy. That’s how special she was to you. 

And so, I kept quiet. The last thing I needed was for everyone to know my crush and pitied me. 



It was in the darkest of my days 

When you took my sorrow and you took my pain 

And buried them away, you buried them away 




You became our friend. I will never forget how when Beth got sick and I had to live with Aunt March, you visit me every day. You didn’t have to, and yet you did. After all the chores and reading, you came. And even if it was for a couple of hours, we had fun, didn’t we? You took me riding and on a carriage. I felt nice. 

You were honest with me, even if you didn't intend to. You told me about Beth and you didn’t laugh when I presented my testament to you. Do you remember that? I don’t know what I would have done without you during those times. My sisters were too busy taking care of our Beth and Mother was in Washington taking care of Father. I was scared and you calmed me down. Did you sense how important you were to me then?





I wish I could lay down beside you 

When the day is done 

And wake up to your face against the morning sun 

But like everything I've ever known 

You disappear one day 

So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away 





You dropped me off at the train station 

Put a kiss on top of my head 

Watch me wave 

And watched me wave  

 

Years went by, we all grew up. And when Aunt March decided to go to Europe, she chose me. I knew Jo was angry and sad, but this was my chance. I earned it. You went with my father to say goodbye to the port. Just before stepping into the ship, I turned and hugged you. 

“You will take care of them,” I said. You promise to come to comfort me if anything happens. I stayed waving at you until the coast disappeared. 

I set myself to discover Europe and myself. This was my chance to be an artist, or at least figure out if I could be one. 




Then you went on home to your skyscrapers 

And neon lights and waiting papers 

That you call home 

You call that home  

 

I came back from Europe for your wedding. I expected it, everyone did. From the moment you and Jo met, you were tied to each other. I watched you promising eternal love for my sister. And her doing the same in an intimate ceremony with only our dear friends and family. I caught Marmee cleaning tears and Mr. Laurence looked so proud of you. I was also proud of you, even if my heart was aching.  

“They look so happy, don’t they?” I ask Meg, who sat next to me in the ceremony holding my hand. She had always been my confidant. You danced lovingly with Jo, rounded by your loved ones. Everyone was delighted at the union. Who wouldn’t?

With a watery smile that was between compassion and pity, she tightens her grip on my shoulders and says, “yes. Yes they are.” I nodded and tried to be happy for you. It wasn’t easy. 

 

And how curious that it was you who helped with the pain. Your generosity always amazed me. Now that our families were one, you offered help to all of us. I had told you I didn’t have genius, that I would never be an artist.

“Nonsense!” you exclaimed. And days later you and Jo came excited. You were paying for another trip to Europe for me. Last time, Aunt March wanted me to find a good suitor, but he wasn’t what I wanted. Now I do not have that pressure anymore. You will help my family, I can take my time. Time to forget you, time to open my heart to someone else. You offered to pay for my classes and everything I needed. 

So I left, and you stayed at home with Jo. 




I wish I could lay down beside you 

When the day is done 

And wake up to your face against the morning sun 

But like everything I've ever known 

You disappear one day 

So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away, away 







Woke up feeling heavy-hearted 

I'm going back to where I started 

The morning rain, the morning rain 

And though I wish that you were here 

On that same old road that brought me here 

It's calling me home, It's calling me home 



Years later, I was selected at the Paris Salon for the first time! I send you news of it and you reply with amazement and congratulations. After years of training, I was proud of my progress. I dedicated my whole life to my art and it paid off. I had a name of my own. Amy March was not only the sister of the famous Jo March, author of Little Women. Now I was a recognized Turner’s copyist and my paintings were bought by aristocrats. Even more, I stopped depending on you. My earnings were enough to live decently. How funny life turns out to be! I stopped caring about richness and settled into a modest but honest way of life. Meanwhile, you and Jo opened a school in Plumfield. 

 

Not everything was happy. Due to a stupid fight with Jo, I ended up missing my chance to say goodbye to Marmee. We made amends, but that hole in my heart and the guilt never disappeared. I didn’t come back after that. It was too painful. 



I wish I could lay down beside you 

When the day is done 

And wake up to your face against the morning sun 

But like everything I've ever known 

You disappear one day 

So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away 



Time passed, I reached 37 years old, way passed my primed years. There were wrinkles in my face and my hands didn’t have the same softness as before. But I wasn’t dead. I also noticed that your memory didn’t cause me pain anymore. How wonderful I thought. Now I could be ready to find someone, but who? I decided not to think much about it. In the end, my time to have a family was gone. I console myself with my career and independence. 



I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away




It all changed when I came to Switzerland. I lived in a guest house where Albert Nieriker stayed. My friends introduced us and we began to spend more and more time together. Over the past years, I have had possible suitors, but none of them was the one. They rejected my profession or they weren’t serious about me. But Albert… I catch him looking at me. He makes excuses to come and see me and we have lovely conversations. He would sit next to me while I draw. And he makes me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. You’ll like him. For a moment I think it’s too late for me, but then I think about him and I want to try.