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I See You Pretending

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“How the fuck did I get talked into this again?” David asks, adjusting the lime green scarf around his neck to try and make it sit correctly.

“You can never resist taking people’s bets.” Stevie’s been mostly ready forever, as her costume was ridiculously simple; a binder and then a loose green t shirt and brown pants. Her contouring makeup is done but he still needs to paint on some straggly facial hair for her and help her with her wig.

“This still seems excessive just because I lost one bet.”

“Um, no, David, you didn’t just lose one bet. You lost a series of escalating bets,” Alexis says, striding in. Her costume is definitely the most restrained. Without the orange cravat, the white and blue of the rest of the outfit would be positively demure compared to his own green and purple.

“Ugh, I wasn’t asking you, Alexis. And I thought you were supposed to be helping Patrick?”

Alexis huffs and rolls her eyes. “I did! He’s just finishing getting dressed, but his makeup is all done and it was so easy to get a wig cap over his hair because he barely has any.”

David humphs. “Well, whatever, help Stevie with hers.” Really they should have done it before the make up, but Stevie had refused to wear a wig cap any longer than necessary.

“Are you as mean as David is with the hairpins?” Stevie asks Alexis, looking at her suspiciously.

“She’s worse!” David says.

“Ugh, shut up, David. I am not!” Alexis flaps her hand at him. “I’ll be, like, really gentle, Stevie.”

“Fine,” Stevie relents.

For a while there’s just the noises of them working on getting the finishing touches done. David’s all set and has just finished painting on Stevie’s facial hair when there’s a cough from the door.

David vaguely hears the sound of himself dropping the eyebrow pencil he’d been holding, but that’s secondary to the sight of his husband in a turtleneck, knee-high socks, and a pleated mini-skirt. Even the bright orange and red of the items isn’t enough to distract for how incredibly into the whole thing David is.

“Ruh roh, I bet it’s painful to get a boner when you’re tucking,” Stevie says with a smirk, knocking David out of his revery at the sight of his husband in full drag.

“David, that’s gross, ew!” Alexis shrieks.

“What? It was Stevie who was gross, I didn’t do anything!” David snaps back at her.

Patrick smirks in a way that highlight the freckles Alexis painted onto his cheeks and David smoothes out the skirt of his purple dress and tries to remind himself that what Stevie said is absolutely true. Even if he had no idea how cute Patrick would be in glasses and a brown bob wig.

“The Mystery Machine’s gonna be here in a minute, we good to go?” Patrick asks as they head into the living room.

“Okay, Ray’s rideshare van is no Mystery Machine, but yes, I think so,” David says, checking the details on each of their costumes.

Stevie suddenly jumps up. “Zoinks, I almost forgot Scoob!”

“You’re going to find it really annoying to carry that around all night, you know,” David can’t help but say as she comes back in with a large stuffed toy Great Dane.

“Eh, we’ll just hang around by the Scooby Snacks. You’re the one who insisted we have such good costumes, can’t do that without a Scoob!”

David rolls his eyes. “If you let were going to force me into a group costume in which I am dressed as my sister’s girlfriend there’s no way I was going to allow it to be half-assed!”

Alexis opens her mouth to say something but before she does Patrick says, “Jinkies! Ray’s here. Let’s go. We got some work to do now!”

David really wishes he was less amused by Patrick’s enthusiasm than he is, but he can’t help himself. “Jeepers, we’d better go,” he says, dead-pan, and is rewarded by a kiss from Patrick as he walks past.

“I always thought Velma and Daphne and Shaggy and Fred would be cuter couples anyway,” Alexis says, booping Stevie on the nose. David and Patrick share a significant look at the flirting before Alexis continues. “Now, let’s go gang. I heard old Mr Wilikers was having some ghost trouble at the The Crystal Palace in Elmdale. Don’t split up until we get there!”

The Greater Elm’s LGBTQ+ Society’s Halloween Kiki won’t know what’s hit it.