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Talk About Him

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Remus couldn't sleep later that evening.

He tossed and turned in his sheets, let out a sigh of defeat as he just sprawled his limbs across the bed. It was going to be one of those nights. The nights were his thoughts moved to quick for him to keep up. The nights where he felt like his lungs were slowly shrinking in his chest. Remus hated those nights. Not that he imagined anyone in the right state of mind liked those nights. The nights where you truly feel utterly alone, no matter who you are with or where you are.

Remus took a deep breath before throwing the covers off ad swinging his legs out of bed. He peered out his curtain, checking the other boys bed and sure enough they were asleep. He gently pushed himself out of bed, watching his step and making sure to avoid the squeaky floorboard as he tiptoed closer to the door. He carefully shuffled out the door, closing it behind him, flinching as it loudly clicked. He waited a few moments before creeping down the steps and throwing himself onto the couch, the fire lighting up as soon as his back touched the fabric.

He cursed himself for not bringing a book with him but it was too late now, he was comfy and didn't favour the idea of trying to sneak back into the room. Despite all the noise he made (and how loudly he snored) James Potter was a light sleeper and Remus didn't want to listen him whine about how he woke him up. Remus tilted his head to the side and eyed one of the magazines sprawled across the table. He reached out and pulled it towards himself. It was a muggle one, he recognised the cover from the corner shop near his parents house.

He lifted it up and began to flick through the pages, not really able to focus on the words in front of him as his mind began to loop back to the thoughts that had been keeping him up. He hated how Sirius was ignoring him.

He hated being ignored by anyone, but when Sirius didn't acknowledge him, it hurt. It made him feel like he was that scared little boy in first year who had missed the first two days of lessons due to the shear agony he was in with the upcoming moon. He attributed the pain with the amount of stress he had been under coming to Hogwarts. He had been so scared of hurting someone when the wolf came out, though Dumbledore assured him that would never happen.

He sighed dropping the magazine over his face. Why did life always have to be so complicated?

"I'm sure you know that not how you read, Moony." A familiar voice teased.

"Did you not know if you eat the pages, you retain the information better?" He grumbled, not wanting to lift it off his face. He heard a small chuckle, followed by the magazine being pulled off his face. He glanced up as Sirius held it out in front of him, reading the cover, "Didn't know you had a thing for muggle cars?"

"I don't it's someone else's, just having a nosey at it." Remus replied, the tight feeling reappearing in his chest. He glanced briefly at Sirius, he looked tired, "Sorry if I woke you up."

Sirius shook his head and laid back against the couch after throwing the magazine back onto the small table, "Couldn't sleep either, thought I would join you down here."

Remus was all too aware this was the first time they had spoken in days. The days Sirius had spent avoiding him all seemed to be forgotten as the other boy sat at the far end of the bed, his hand resting on Remus's shin. Like he hadn't yanked his hand away from Remus earlier at dinner when they brushed briefly when they both reached for he carrots. He gave Remus the Sirius Black smile, as if he had been scowling at him all week, turning a shoulder whenever Remus tried to engage in a conversation.

Remus sighed and pulled his leg away from Sirius, curling it up close to his chest and gazing at the fire, "Why were you ignoring me?"

"No I wasn't!" Sirius replied, Remus rolled his eyes at him, "Don't play dumb."

Sirius didn't respond. He turned his attention to the fire glowing before them, playing with the sleeve of his pyjama shirt. Remus bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, he should ask but he knew better than to push Sirius. If he wanted to talk, he would talk. But the tension between them was beginning to eat away at Remus. It didn't help that the next moon was in two days.

"Do-Do you still want to be friends with me?" Remus mumbled quietly, not sure if he wanted Sirius to even hear it. Sirius snapped his head to Remus, the hurt etched onto his face, "Of course I do."

"Then can you please stop ignoring me." He replied, his voice shaking a little. He didn't look up at Sirius, focusing on the small stain on the knee of his pants, scrapping his nail across it. Sirius stayed silent for a few moments, "I thought you didn't want to talk to me, after the Ball."

Remus finally looked up at Sirius, his body stiff as he gripped onto the arm of the chair, "Why wouldn't I?"

Sirius looked at Remus with pleading eyes, he knew exactly what he was talking about. He ducked his head back down and shrugged, "You were drunk, I'm not gonna hold it against you or go around telling people. If you want it to stay between us, then it'll stay between us."

Remus saw Sirius's shoulders ease a bit which only made the knot in his stomach tighten further. He knew Sirius had a lot on his shoulders as it was, running away and being disinherited. He knew how the pure-bloods talked about men like Remus. He knew Sirius didn't think like that, but he probably feared those who did. Or at least that's what Remus told himself.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel bad." Remus continued, Sirius shook his head, scooting closer to Remus, "Don't do that thing!"

Remus furrowed his brows and looked up, "What thing?"

"When you start thinking about something too much, somehow making everything that's gone wrong or astray your fault."

Remus when to open his mouth to protest when a hand covered it, "Ah-ah, no. Don't apologise again."

Sirius slowly pulled his hand away and Remus mumbled an apology, early him a gently thump on the leg. He scowled and leaned back, the tight feeling in his chest having eased a little now that he and Sirius were at least talking again. Though he still had a lot of questions left unanswered and some new ones that had sprung into mind during their short chat. But they were for another day, "What was keeping you up?"

"Mmh?"

"You said you couldn't sleep, what kept you up?"

"James's snoring, swear he does it on purpose sometimes." Sirius grumbled, Remus let out a small chuckle, "How about you Moony, worried about the next moon?"

"No more than I usually am, just a bit restless." He replied. It wasn't a lie, had his mind not been preoccupied with Sirius he probably would still be awake thinking about the upcoming moon. His body preparing for the change itself, usually left him on edge.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll always be your friend, okay? I'm sorry for ignoring you, I was just too caught up in my own thoughts and I never even stopped to think about how it must have made you feel-"

"Sirius-"

"Shush, Moony. The elder is speaking." He replied with a smirk.

"You're a good friend. Better than good. Nothing you could ever say or do could change that alright?"

Remus couldn't stop himself as he lunged forward, tackling Sirius into a hug. The other boy froze for a moment before wrapping his arms around Remus, his hand rubbing his back gently. Remus pulled away after a few moments, falling back onto the couch. Sirius smiled, patting his legs gently, "I mean it, Moony."

"Nothing?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"What if I cut your hair?"

"Okay, one thing."