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English
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Published:
2020-10-17
Updated:
2021-05-02
Words:
21,247
Chapters:
14/?
Comments:
25
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The way my trans themed boots crush transphobes is satisfying

Summary:

A chat fic for fairy tail.

 

Crazy Cousin: Transphobes aren't allowed. 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: You better of not hurt your hand again. 

 

Mother: I'm so proud 

 

Wine Uncle: Good job 

 

Baby Bro: … 

 

Baby Bro: Oh so when Rufus punches a transphobe it's " I'm so proud " but when I do it it's " Gray be more careful! " " Stop getting into fights! " 

Notes:

Hey guys! I wanted to start off with a small chapter! I also do accept ship suggestions if there's a pairing you want to see! (Yes this is a based off a rant I posted on Tumblr.)

Usernames
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin
Jellal- Star Kick Ass

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Trans Globe 

 

The Gremlin added Gray Fullbuster. 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Why Sting? 

 

Crazy Cousin: Another stolen child? 

 

Gray Fullbuster: What the fuck Sting 

 

The Gremlin: It was necessary! Besides we have a baby Trans here!!! 

 

Gray Fullbuster: ..  

 

Star Kick Ass: Hello Gray. Welcome to hell. 

 

Gray Fullbuster: I'm going to fucking kill him. 

 

The Gremlin: :0 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: No. Don't kill him. 

 

Gray Fullbuster: Why? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: She will actually murder you. 

 

Mother changed Gray Fullbuster's name. 

 

Mother: Welcome. 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Oh god 

 

Baby Bro: ERZA 

 

Mother: You recognized me! 

 

Baby Bro: You are the only one that calls me this. 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Oh so you know Erza? 

 

The Gremlin: I'm,,, 

 

Baby Bro: Yeah I grew up with her 

 

Mother: You are leaving out the fact that we live together Gray 

 

Baby Bro: How is that relevant? 

 

Star Kick Ass: How are you alive? 

 

Baby Bro: I'm already dead Inside 

 

Mother: Gray we talked about this 

 

Baby Bro: Nope don't remember 

 

Wine Uncle: Why the fuck is Gray here? 

 

Baby Bro: Shut it Laxus 

 

Mother: Yeah shut it Laxus 

 

Wine Uncle: I will murder you both 

 

Baby Bro: Please? Put me out of my misery 

 

Star Kick Ass: … 

 

Star Kick Ass: I like him. 

 

Mother: Don't encourage him 

 

The Gremlin: Maybe he can make you all come out of hiding and actually talk

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Not a fucking chance 

 

The Gremlin: :( 

 

Baby Bro: Lmao BYE Weirdos I gotta go b4 my best friend kills me 

 

Mother: Bye Have Fun! 

 

Baby Bro: I'm going to strangle you. 

 

Wine Uncle: How. 

 

The Gremlin: He said he was trans after I asked him about the pride pin on his bag & I had to add him here. 

 

Crazy Cousin: I still don't know why Rogue is here 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Because Sting can't be in a gc without me apparently. 

 

The Gremlin: Hey! 

 

____________________________________

 

Trans Globe 

 

Mother: @Baby Bro Are you alive? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: What happened? 

 

Mother: I saw him do a backflip off a wall. Maybe I should ask Lucy. 

 

Wine Uncle: Who's Lucy? 

 

Mother: The Blond. 

 

Wine Uncle: Oh. 

 

____________________________________

 

Trans Globe 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: @Mother Is he alive? 

 

Mother: Yes surprisingly. 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Thank fuck 

 

The Gremlin: Language  

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Bitch you curse worse than I do 

 

Mother: Sting you have no rights 

 

The Gremlin: No! 

 

Mother: Yes. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done. 

 

The Gremlin: ;( 

 

____________________________________

 

The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards 

 

Wine Uncle: Whom. 

 

The Gremlin: Gray. 

 

Wine Uncle: Thank you. 

 

____________________________________

 

The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards 

 

Baby Bro: Sting you fucking SNITCH 

 

The Gremlin: :) 

 

Baby Bro: No fuckin perish 

 

The Gremlin: :0 

 

The Gremlin: >:0 

 

____________________________________

 

The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards 

 

Crazy Cousin shared a video. 

[Video is set in a well lit room, Rufus' back is facing the camera. The room is filled with people with a circle cleared where Rufus is standing. The footage is shakey has it catches Rufus punching a person in front of him. There's a loud yell of " Trans Rights " before the video cuts out.] 

 

Crazy Cousin: Transphobes aren't allowed. 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: You better of not hurt your hand again. 

 

Mother: I'm so proud 

 

Wine Uncle: Good job 

 

Baby Bro: … 

 

Baby Bro: Oh so when Rufus punches a transphobe it's " I'm so proud " but when I do it it's " Gray be more careful! " " Stop getting into fights! " 

 

Mother: Because you fight men 10x your size 

 

Baby Bro: And I fucking win 

 

Wine Uncle: He has a point 

 

Crazy Cousin: We should punch transphobes together 

 

Baby Bro: Yes. 

 

____________________________________

 

The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards 

 

The Gremlin: I can't believe that it's been a month since I've adopted Gray 

 

Crazy Cousin: Surprise adoption

 

Mother: Kidnapping 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: None of those things! 

 

Mother: Party pooper 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Did you take your meds 

 

Mother: No 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Go take them before I get Gray 

 

Mother: …. 

 

Mother: No 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: @Baby Bro 

 

Baby Bro: Erza. 

 

Mother: Fine. 

 

Baby Bro: That's what I fucking thought dumb bitch 

 

Mother: Cuddles? 

 

Baby Bro: After you take your meds. 

 

Mother: Okay 

 

____________________________________

 

The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards 

 

Baby Bro: Erzas user is a lie she's a disaster 

 

Mother: You have to be put down 

 

Baby Bro: N o p e 

 

The Gremlin: But I like him 

 

Mother: Friendship? 

 

The Gremlin: Yes because I would ever date Gray 

 

Baby Bro: I hope the fuck you wouldn't 

 

The Gremlin: big mood 

 

Mother: Good. 








Chapter 2: Natsu Dragneel? You mean: Chronic dumbassary?

Summary:

Natsu appears. Him & Sting are brothers.

Notes:

Yo small tw for Jellal having a panic attack & needing Erza to get him out of public (it's right @ the beginning)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Trans Globe 

 

Star Kick Ass: Can someone find me? Please? 

 

Mother: What's wrong? Where are you? 

 

Star Kick Ass: Plaza. Hurry I can't stop shaking. 

 

Mother: I'm on my way Jellal. 

 

Baby Bro: Is he gonna be okay? 

 

Wine Uncle: Yeah Jellal just has episodes sometimes 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Yeah he tends to deal with things differently than any of us 

 

Baby Bro: Okay 

 

____________________________________

 

Trans Globe

 

Baby Bro: Hi I would die for Jellal 

 

Star Kick Ass: Gray No! 

 

Baby Bro: Gray Yes. 

 

Wine Uncle: @Mother 

 

Mother: Gray No. 

 

Baby Bro: … 

 

The Gremlin: is he actually gonna,, 

 

Baby Bro: Gray No. 

 

Mother: Good. 

 

____________________________________

 

Trans Globe 

 

Baby Bro: Which one of you fucks changed the chat name back? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Laxus pressured me. 

 

Baby Bro: I see. 

 

____________________________________

 

In this household we are trans 

 

The Gremlin: I'm not complaining about this new chat name 

 

The Gremlin: I am however here to complain about Minerva who's a fucking tratior 

 

The Gremlin: So Minerva is my best friend besides Rouge and she's a tratior for blue shelling me in mario kart ON RAINBOW ROAD. 

 

Baby Bro: I dunno sounds like you deserved it 

 

The Gremlin: I did not! 

 

Baby Bro: Bullshit 

 

The Gremlin: I know where you sleep 

 

Baby Bro: You don't know where me & Erza live 

 

The Gremlin: … 

 

The Gremlin: I can find out 

 

Baby Bro: With what brain cells? 

 

The Gremlin: RUDE 

 

____________________________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Fight the man: I'm just saying maybe you should give him a shot 

 

Authority issues: No. 

 

Fight the man: Will you consider meeting up with him at Pride? It gives you time. 

 

Authority issues: This is gonna go poorly I already know it 

 

Fight the man: Gray stop being a downer 

 

Fight the man: He's a super nice guy 

 

Authority issues: You said that about the last guy 

 

Authority issues: Who was outright transphobic 

 

Fight the man: It wasn't my finest hour 

 

Authority issues: It's never your finest hour 

 

Fight the man: Rude 

 

Fight the man: At least consider it 

 

Authority issues: No. 

 

Fight the man: If you seriously don't want to I will tell him you don't want to

 

Authority issues: Do it. I don't want to and not because I don't trust you, but I don't trust him. 

 

Fight the man: That's fair 

 

Authority issues: Yeah I just I can't 

 

Fight the man: That's okay Gray you don't have to explain yourself to me 

 

Fight the man: I get it 

 

Authority issues: Thanks 

 

Fight the man: No problem 

 

Fight the man: Wanna come over? 

 

Authority issues: Yeah sure 

 

Authority issues: Should be over in 5 

 

Fight the man: Just hurry before I eat all the cookies 

 

Authority issues: You fucking wouldn't 

 

Fight the man: I would 

 

Authority issues: Bitch 

 

____________________________________

 

In this household we are trans 

 

Baby Bro: @Mother I'm going to Lucy's 

 

Mother: Okay be safe have fun 

 

Star Kick Ass: Don't do drugs 

 

Crazy Cousin: Fistfight someone on your way over

 

Wine Uncle: Do better & murder them 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: No. Have fun Gray. 

 

The Gremlin: Don't kiss her while you are over there :p 

 

Baby Bro: Fucking Disgusting 

 

The Gremlin: :0 

 

The Gremlin: Alright you gay bitch 

 

Baby Bro: Fuck Off Factory Reject Dildo 

 

Wine Uncle changed The Gremlin's name. 

 

Factory reject dildo: I- 

 

____________________________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Fight the man: Yo this boy is cute 

 

Fight the man shared an image. 

[The camera is peaking over the edge of a book facing a boy that's stretching in what appears to be a park. The boy is in a cutoff sleeve shirt & shorts. His wild pink hair is in clear view of the camera while everything else is blurry.] 

 

Authority issues: If only you could actually take pictures 

 

Fight the man: Shut up 

 

Authority issues: All jokes aside he is cute 

 

Fight the man: Yeah he's definitely built too 

 

Authority issues: Wack 

 

Fight the man: Poggers 

 

Authority issues: No 

 

Fight the man: Coward 

 

Authority issues: Shut the fuck up 

 

____________________________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

 

Authority issues: Hello??? Dumb bitch are you okay???? 

 

Authority issues: Dude

 

Authority issues: I can see the read notification you asshole 

 

Fight the man: LISTEN OKAY HE ACTUALLY CAME OVER & ASKED ME WHY THE HELL I TOOK A PICTURE OF HIM 

 

Fight the man: He is totally your type. He even has piercings & a bad boy attitude. 

 

Authority issues: And let me guess? You fessed up awkwardly 

 

Fight the man: WELL YEAH 

 

Authority issues: Dumbass 

 

Fight the man: Are you free to come to the park tho????? 

 

Authority issues: Turn around dumbass

 

____________________________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Authority issues: I hate you. 

 

Fight the man: You love me. 

 

____________________________________

 

In this household we are trans 

 

Baby Bro: So I have a guys number 

 

The Gremlin: Whom 

 

Wine Uncle: What's his social security? 

 

Mother: And address. 

 

Star Kick Ass: Also his daily schedule. 

 

Baby Bro: No. 

 

Mother: Yes 

 

Star Kick Ass: I will murder him for he even thinks about hurting you 

 

Baby Bro: You can do that later for now let me fucking gay panic 

 

The Gremlin: Again: WHOM 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: 1) No to all of you wanting to murder. 

 

Crazy Cousin: :( 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: 2) Give his name. 

 

The Gremlin: he said his name is Natsu Dragneel? 

 

The Gremlin: O H 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: oh 

 

Baby Bro: You two know him 

 

The Gremlin: He's my brother but go off I guess

 

Baby Bro: I regret my decision I'm leaving 

 

Mother: No you aren't 

 

Baby Bro: h 

 

The Gremlin: No like I 100% approve but I would punch him if he hurt you ever but I seriously doubt he would. 

 

Mother: That's good news 

 

Star Kick Ass: Can we meet him? I just wanna judge for myself :) 

 

The Gremlin: Hold up let me ask him & interrogate 

 

The Gremlin: Because we are not pressuring Gray 

 

____________________________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Bi: Run Sting is going to question you 

 

The Pan: FUCKING HELL 

 

____________________________________

 

In this household we are trans 

 

The Gremlin: hEy gray wanna explain why my trust is now broken? 

 

Baby Bro: I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me 

 

Mother: You warned Natsu 

 

Baby Bro: Yes 

 

Mother: Good job you backstabbing bitch 

 

Baby Bro: Thank you 

 

The Only Cis Allowed shared an image. 

[The angle is wonky but you can clearly see a man with pink hair cowering in a tall tree.] 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: @The Gremlin 

 

The Gremlin: THANKS 

 

Baby Bro: dude,,, 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Natsu ate my fucking poptarts 

 

____________________________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Pan: Call rouge a bitch for me & leave flower @ my grave 

 

The Bi: Got it 

 

____________________________________

 

In this household we are trans 

 

Baby Bro: @The Only Cis Allowed Natsu says you are a bitch 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Fucking ASSHOLE 

 

 

 

Notes:

Thanks hoes

Chapter 3: IM HERE FOR A GOOD TIME NOT A LONG TIME

Summary:

Short memes

Notes:

Hello I'm fucking depressed

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

In this house we are trans 

 

Baby Bro: Sting I'm going to fucking skin you 

 

The Gremlin: No 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Yes just shut up about your crush already 

 

The Gremlin: No 

 

Baby Bro: I will call him 

 

The Gremlin: :0 

 

The Gremlin: You wouldn't you fucking bitch 

 

Baby Bro: Guess I'm making a call 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: I'll hold him back 

 

Baby Bro: Thank you 

 

____________________________________

 

In this house we are trans 

 

Wine Uncle: What was the number you called to deal with Sting because I need to know 

 

Baby Bro shared a contact with Wine Uncle. 

 

Wine Uncle: Thank you 

 

Baby Bro: Np 

 

____________________________________

 

In this house we are trans

 

Mother: I'm screaming 

 

Mother: So me, Gray & Sting are hanging out and Sting starts talking about his crush 

 

Mother: Gray just looks at him and says: shut the fuck up simp 

 

Crazy Cousin: I am so proud 

 

Wine Uncle: We taught him well 

 

Mother: Yes we did 

 

The Gremlin: You are hurtful 

 

Baby Bro changed The Gremlin's name. 

 

Simp: I- 

 

Mother: GET REKTED 

 

____________________________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Pan: I cannot believe,,

 

The Bi: Why? 

 

The Pan: I can't understand how Gajeel can have friends??? 

 

The Bi: Dude it's not that far fetched 

 

The Pan: Yes it is when you've seen the man grumble & snarl about seeing people 

 

The Bi: He does that because he's emotionally constipated 

 

The Pan: That's fair 

 

The Bi: Yeah dumbass 

 

The Bi: Oh yeah that reminds me. 

 

The Pan: What are you doing? 

 

The Bi: You'll see. 

 

The Pan: [Gay Fear] 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Thanks for reading!

Chapter 4: Who's thirsty? Sting

Summary:

New chats happen & the gays and the bees arrive. (Gray is secretly a fucking sap)

Notes:

Hey let's just pretend I didn't fucking drop off the planet for a bit. I need stress relief that won't distract me from school so here we are

Anyways hope everyone is saying safe & let's get to the mess I spent too long on:
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Pan: I literally hate you 

 

The Bi: That's not what you said last night coward 

 

The Pan: SHUT UR UP 

 

The Bi: You cuddled me and told me you love me so much you'd rather die than be without me you sappy bitch 

 

The Pan: Why 

 

The Bi: Because you are adorable when you blush 

 

The Pan: SHUT IT 

 

____________________________________

 

Hi mY nAmE iS yOuR mOm 

 

Wine uncle: Gray Fullbuster. 

 

Baby Bro: No

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Laxus don't kill him 

 

Star Kick Ass: Is this what your character is used for? Memery? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Absolutely you wrinkled pickle 

 

Baby Bro: You've been spending too much time with Sting 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: So? 

 

Baby Bro: Gay 

 

Mother: Gay 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Stop and maybe the demons of hell won't skin you 

 

simp: gay 

 

Star Kick Ass: gay 

 

Wine Uncle: Gay 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Blocked and reported 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Also fuck you Sting 

 

____________________________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Fight the man: I'm just saying it would solve all of your problems instantly 

 

Authority issues: Lucy murder is illegal 

 

Fight the man: if you get caught 

 

Authority issues: No. 

 

____________________________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Bi: Lucy is trying to get me to commit murder again 

 

The Pan: Tell her the gods are watching and they will remember her misdeeds 

 

The Bi: Fucking bet 

 

____________________________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Authority issues: The Gods are watching and they will remember your misdeeds against this world. 

 

Fight the man: what the fuck? You even used capitalization? And a period?! I'm so proud 

 

Authority issues: You stuffed your bra in the 8th grade shut the fuck up 

 

Fight the man: HOW DARE YOU 

 

Authority issues: Bet or I'll fucking tell. 

 

Fight the man: … 

 

Fight the man: fuck you 

 

Authority issues: (。•̀ᴗ-)✧

 

____________________________________

 

Don't talk down to me young man 

 

Mother: how do I get Gray to stop screeching like a demon? 

 

The crazy cousin: Hit him 

 

Wine Uncle: Try smothering it with a pillow 

 

Mother: No 

 

Simp: Natsu might know 

 

Mother: Good idea! Surprisingly. 

 

Simp: Hey!!! 

 

____________________________________

 

Erza created a chat room. 

 

Erza named the chat: The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Erza changed Erza's name. 

 

Eye See changed Gray's name. 

 

Eye See changed Stings' name. 

 

Eye See changed Rouge's name. 

 

Eye See changed Natsu's name. 

 

Eye See changed Laxus' name. 

 

Eye See changed Cobra's name. 

 

Eye See changed Jellal's name. 

 

Eye See changed Gajeel's name. 

 

Eye See changed Wendy's name. 

 

Eye See: How do I get Gray to shut the fuck up? 

 

Simp: You already asked this. 

 

Eye See: I need an answer still you slut 

 

Thot™: Erza what the fuck? 

 

Eye See: Later Jellal. 

 

The Drunk relative: Holy fuck 

 

Simp: That's me!!! 

 

The Brain Cell: Silence nothing about you is holy 

 

Snake: Why am I here 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Erza what the Absolute Fuck. 

 

Eye See: Why is no one answering my fucking question? 

 

Simp 2.0: He needs a weighted blanket and headphones. Preferably with the volume on 13 & his ' I'm fucking depressed ' playlist. 

 

Eye See: Okay thank you Natsu 

 

Simp 2.0: Np 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Why is he here?! 

 

Simp 2.0: Bitch we are related 

 

Simp: Yeah Gajeel don't be mean 

 

Thot supreme: I fucking hate you 

 

Simp 2.0: You okay Baby? 

 

Thot supreme: Yes you are the only one I love at the moment 

 

The Good One: What's happening? Is everything okay? 

 

Eye See: Don't worry sweetie!!! 

 

Thot supreme: You named me this,,, named everyone else that & you ADDED FUCKING WENDY?! 

 

Eye See: Ah I may of made a mistake 

 

Thot supreme: YOU MAY HAVE?! 

 

Eye See: I just wanted to include her!!! 

 

Eye See: She hasn't met Natsu yet! 

 

Simp 2.0: Erza I literally am in tears right now. You named me this and I'm just now meeting Wendy. 

 

The Good One: It's okay Natsu! I'm sure you are more than Erza says you are! 

 

Simp 2.0: Are you sure she's your sister? 

 

Thot supreme: Yes

 

The Drunk relative: Are you serious? 

 

Snake: I can't- She's genuinely your sister? 

 

Eye See: Yes we get it me and Gray are bitches MOVING ON 

 

The Brain Cell: I hate it here. 

 

____________________________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Thot™: It's later and I'm fucking irritated. 

 

Eye See: Let's call! It will be easier to explain! 

 

Thot™: Bet 

 

____________________________________

 

Being trans is like breathing you fucking bitch 

 

Baby Bro: You two good? 

 

Star Kick Ass: Yes 

 

Mother: Yes! 

 

Baby Bro: Good. 

 

Baby Bro: Is it anything serious? 

 

Star Kick Ass: No I was just well trauma reacting 

 

Mother: Are you still okay? I know you are non-verbal right now but would you like some tea? 

 

Star Kick Ass: Yes please 

 

Baby Bro: Glad you two got your shit together 

 

____________________________________

 

ERZA SCARLET YOU ARE DEAD 

 

Mother: oh no 

 

Baby Bro: Wanna explain how you have 2 whole gfs I didn't know Jack shit about? 

 

Mother: uhhhhhhhh 

 

Baby Bro: :) 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: And she didn't tell you? She told me she told you. 

 

Baby Bro: Erza. 

 

Baby Bro: Get your ass up here before I kick you down the stairs. 

 

Mother: OMW 

____________________________________



DM 

 

Jellal: Are you okay? 

 

Erza: Yes I explained I shouldn't of kept it from him I was just scared 

 

Jellal: that's understandable 

 

Erza: Yes I can see now I was irrational

 

Jellal: and that's fine 

 

Erza: yes I am allowed to have human emotions 

 

Jellal: He already gave you the talk 

 

Erza: Yes I am very loved & cared for 

 

Jellal: as it should be 

 

Erza: Thank you for checking in 

 

Jellal: Ofc you are my best friend 

 

Erza: I appreciate you <3 

 

Jellal: Love you too little shit 

 

____________________________________

 

Gray made a chat. 

 

Gray named the chat: interrogation. 

 

Gray added Erza, Mira and Minerva. 

 

Gray: Welcome to hell 

 

Erza: Oh you were serious 

 

Gray: You really thought I was going to allow them to fucking get out of this because of work? 

 

Erza: you know what that's fair 

 

Gray: yes so you are here to stop me from going to far & I'm going over the agreed script because I may be over protective but I am not here to trigger anyone 

 

Mira: Oh hello!!! I do appreciate you reaching out about it! It definitely made my anxiety a little easier!!! 

 

Erza: Gray is very kind and I love him 

 

Gray: Wow love you too 

 

Erza: Yes it's appreciate my brother time 

 

Gray: No it's interrogation time 

 

Erza: Appreciating afterwards? 

 

Gray: fine 

 

Minerva: Hello. 

 

Erza: Oh before forget Gray Minerva is a lot like you in the way you literally just bottle your feelings behind a bitchy mask so don't mind her 

 

Gray: Ah calling me out already 

 

Erza: sh and get on with it 

 

____________________________________

 

Interrogation 

 

Mira: I am somehow terrified for my life

 

Minerva: You really are terrifying I would hate to get on your wrong side 

 

Gray: :) 

 

Erza: Gray you overdramatic shit 

 

Gray: It's not over dramatic if I'm just gay

 

Erza: You are bisexual actually & you literally have a boyfriend who's gayer than you are 

 

Erza: You have transcended Gay 

 

Minerva: A life long goal 

 

Gray: And? Why are you mentioning Natsu? What are you up to? 

 

Erza: :D 

 

Gray: Oh god no GET AWAY JAHDJSKS SHSHSIDKDKODKS 

 

Gray added Natsu. 

 

Gray changed Natsu's name. 

 

💞: Why am I here? 

 

Gray: My cursed fucking sistsjjdkdkdkdoodsjjdjdHSHDYDIDKID 

 

Gray changed the chat name: Siblings & the hoes 

 

Mira: How rude! I am at least a girlfriend! 

 

Erza: of course sweetheart! 

 

Gray: Erza why did you do this 

 

Erza: You mean why did I change Natsu's name to your contact name for him or why did I add him? 

 

Gray: You fucking BITCH 

 

💞: this is my contact name? 

 

Minerva: You should marry him. 

 

💞: fuck that's fair 

 

Minerva: Yes I would marry someone if they changed my contact name to hearts. 

 

Mira: 👀 

 

Erza: 👀

 

Gray: Gay 

 

____________________________________

 

Minerva is a fuck 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Don't even- GOD 

 

Simp: what did she do? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: You saw 

 

Simp: Oh but you looked so cute! 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: BITCH- 

 

Baby Bro: what happened?!??? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Minerva fucking betrayed me is what 

 

Simp: She did Rouge's make up & it's glittery 

 

Simp: instead of his usual black or red  eyeshadow and liner 

 

Baby Bro: What color tho? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Silver 

 

Baby Bro: At least she kept to your emo color palette 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Bitch I will stab you 

 

Simp: Rouge no 

 

Star Kick Ass: Rouge yes 

 

Star Kick Ass: If you want I can help you fix her mess 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Thank you 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: friendship ended with Sting Jellal is now my only friend 

 

Baby Bro: well fuck you too I guess 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: shut up I can't alter the meme!!










Notes:

Thanks for reading & uh sorry for just up and disappearing???? Yeah.

Also small plot things that are going to happen now:
New relationships in the works: Rouge/Sting/Jellal
Some random shit I added in here:
Wendy, Gray & Erza- Adopted siblings
Gajeel, Natsu & Sting- Adopted siblings
Laxus always has " drunk " something in his username has a fucking running joke bc he got wasted one time & declared it had to happen
Everyone is their canon ages!! (NOT COUNTING WHATEVER WEIRD TIMEY WIMEY BULLSHIT THE S-CLASS ARC WAS OR THE WEIRD BULLSHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH THE DRAGONSLAYERS. THIS IS GOING OFF OF PHYSICAL AGE.)
Also Erza is missing her eye here stop forgetting she has a fake eye you cowards

Chapter 5: Attack & dethrone Laxus

Summary:

Depression with a new ship on the side.

Notes:

Okay so tags are going to be added. It's like 1 in relationships & one in additional tags!!!! (Also a name change happens it's listed below!)

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

 

Authority issues: Bitch what do you want? 

 

Fight the man: Pudding & some chicken!! 

 

Authority issues: Ight me & Nats are going over 

 

Fight the man: ugh of course you brought your mans 

 

Authority issues: shut the fuck up he's a precious ray of sunshine 

 

Fight the man: He keeps calling me a stalker! 

 

Authority issues: then perish 

 

Fight the man: :0 

 

Fight the man: stop booing me I'm right!! 

 

_________________

 

GRAY YOU SHITHEAD 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: what did he do now? 

 

Crazy Cousin: Oh come on! It was funny 

 

Wine Uncle: Why am I not suprised you are involved? 

 

Mother: You encouraged him to fight a man who's around 200 pounds of pure muscle and 6'5. 

 

Crazy Cousin: Gray's 6 foot Erza he could handle a guy with 5 inches on him 

 

Mother: That plus the 200 pounds is why he has a black eye right now you idiot 

 

Crazy Cousin: He only has one because the dudes girlfriend was fast and afterwards he bodied her into a table so clearly he was doing fine 

 

Mother: I'm sorry what??? 

 

Crazy Cousin: She deserved it for calling him the word we don't fuckin say around here 

 

Mother: She said that? 

 

Crazy Cousin: Yeah and Gray beat both of their asses for it 

 

Mother: I see. 

 

Baby Bro: Yeah Erza clearly I fucking won and I'm definitely better off 

 

Baby Bro: Besides you act like I can't handle myself I know what I'm doing 

 

Mother: I know that I just hate it when you get hurt 

 

Baby Bro: I understand that but I'll be fine it's just a black eye 

 

Star Kick Ass: I'm alerting Natsu 

 

Baby Bro: BITCH NO HE'LL MURDER ME 

 

Simp: It's what he deserves 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Tragic 

 

_________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Pan: Gray what the absolute fuck 

 

The Bi: Babe listen it's not that bad 

 

_________________

 

Fuck all of you 

 

Baby Bro: I hope you are happy bc he's fucking cryin 

 

Mother: tragic maybe don't get into fights and worry him 

 

Baby Bro: Fuck 

 

_________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Pan: Call? 

 

The Bi: Look outside babe 

 

_________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Thot™: You two okay? 

 

The Drunk Relative: If you aren't I can send over cookies 

 

Thot supreme: We are okay but we want cookies 

 

Snake: Bet 

 

The Brain Cell: Mayhaps you both should stop lighting shit on fire 

 

Simp 2.0: No fuck you 

 

The Brain Cell: I will take your matches you bitch 

 

Thot supreme: But this is the only thing bringing us joy 

 

The Brain Cell: You are lighting your empty cigarette box on fire 

 

Thot supreme: and? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: You smoke??? 

 

Thot supreme: Yes 

 

The Good One: Gray it's been a while since you've had a relapse 

 

Thot supreme: I'm fine just fucking stressed 

 

The Good One: Did you try all of those methods your therapist taught you? 

 

Thot supreme: Yes didn't work 

 

Simp 2.0: He was really bad Wendy 

 

The Brain Cell: I'm gonna take your lighter that's your second cig 

 

Thot supreme: Fair enough 

 

Eye See: Gray why are you smoking again? 

 

The Good One: He was freaked out enough 

 

Eye See: that's not a good thing none of it is 

 

The Brain Cell: Stop worrying so much right now he's only had 2 I just took his lighter and everything that can light shit on fire is locked away 

 

Eye See: Good 

 

Eye See: What caused this? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: It was or this was at least part of it but a few jerks by the corner store Natsu & Gray get their drinks from started talking shit 

 

Airport Securities Menace: They may or may not all have a broken nose or worse 

 

The Drunk Relative: Did you fuck up your prosthetic? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Nah it's fine 

 

The Drunk Relative: That's good 

 

Simp: We should all hang out 

 

The Brain Cell: The majority of us are already here 

 

Snake: You and Gajeel are the only ones missing 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Bitch I'm getting drinks I'm not " missing " 

 

Snake: my bad we sent Gajeel out it's just you 

 

Simp: :0 and y'all didn't call me fucking rude 

 

The Brain Cell: You are at work right now 

 

Simp: I just got off whose house we at?

 

Eye See: Natsu's it's the biggest 

 

Snake: don't remind me that he's somehow fucking rich 

 

Simp 2.0: bitch just be happy I have a goddamn theater and we can die on the floor like the heathens we all are 

 

Eye See: I didn't see it coming either Cobra I thought he wasn't going to be from good money 

 

Thot supreme: The bitch has under amour he's definitely fucking rich 

 

Simp 2.0: Oh please you love me 

 

Thot supreme: Yeah fine 

 

Thot™: The rat is here 

 

Simp: Excuse you bitch 

 

Thot™ changed Simp's name. 

 

Gay Bottom: YOU WHORE 

 

The Brain Cell: Wow you really called him out 

 

Eye See: Is this because you all fucked three days ago or? 

 

Gay Bottom: how do you know that? 

 

Thot™: Because fuck you I talk to her 

 

Gay Bottom: You talk to her about our sex lives 

 

Eye See: I talk to him about mine so shut up 

 

The Brain Cell: Aren't you two hoe buddies? 

 

Thot™: Yeah we don't fuck each other but we talk to each other about who we fuck 

 

The Drunk Relative: That's fair enough 

 

Thot supreme: Isn't ever your hoe buddy? 

 

The Drunk Relative: Yeah what's about it?.

 

Thot supreme: Congratulations 

 

The Drunk Relative: Wait fuck how do you know about that 

 

Eye See: are you hiding something Laxus? 

 

Simp 2.0: I'll give you a hint he was just awfully nice to them 

 

The Drunk Relative: SHUT THE FUCK UP 

 

The Brain Cell: It's Gajeel. 

 

Airport Securities Menace: YOU FUCKING BITCH OF A BROTHER 

 

The Brain Cell: You deserve it 

 

Simp 2.0: Yes they are dating & yes Laxus is gonna murder me and Gray 

 

Eye See: He can murder you not my brother 

 

Thot supreme: But sis!!! I love him!! 

 

Eye See: Then perish 

 

Simp: So Laxus and Gajeel fucked finally? 

 

Snake: Stop talking Wendy is here 

 

The Good One: I don't want to be 

 

 _________________

 

DM 

 

Gajeel: Well fuck 

 

Laxus: I guess we just suffer now 

 

Gajeel: I hate every last one of them 

 

Laxus: Same 

 

Gajeel: Cuddles now. 

 

Laxus: alright fine jfc 

 

 _________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses

 

Thot supreme sent an image. 

[ID: Laxus and Gajeel are curled up together on a pile of blankets. There's light coming from one direction where a tv may be and there's a pikachu plushie in the background.] 

 

Eye See: Ha gay 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Yes Gajeel is missing both of his hands and has cool ass prosthetics!!! I thought it would be neat to reference his magic :D oh yeah there's no magic here sjjdkdkd I forgot to mention that maybe I'm pretty sure I did??? I don't know

Chapter 6: That emotional rollercoaster: Is it fluff again or are my feelings getting hurt?

Summary:

Spoliers: It's angst AND fluff

Notes:

Okay so!!!! There's like talk to Zeref here it's literally the same plot shit (minus Turning Natsu into a demon, Bringing him back from the dead & any other magic bullshit I don't remember that's involved) but like no magic. And trigger warnings of harassment, sexual harassment, Following people to be fucking disgusting, gangs, fighting, violence, medical terms (a word but whatever), implied attempted murder, brief mention of bribing law enforcement (implied), Cops aren't exactly present it's just at most a 2 line mention. Mention of a mental health facility & arrest (Both related to Zeref), Slight implied partially mute Natsu (In extreme emotional distress he can't make his voice work.), Mention of murder, being held hostage & emotional & physical abuse

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

Accident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
Lucy

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

The Good One: Hi I like gorl 

 

Snake: It's okay take your time 

 

The Good One: Girl 

 

The Brain Cell: You are doing amazing sweetie 

 

The Good One: Girl pretty 

 

Eye See: Yes good job Wendy 

 

___________

 

Simp 2.0: Gray's fucking pretty and I'm not handling it

 

Gay Bottom: Seems kinda gay 

 

Simp 2.0: He's my boyfriend 

 

Snake: Gay 

 

Simp 2.0: I know where you sleep 

 

Snake: do you rlly??? 

 

Simp 2.0: Yuh 

 

Snake: I live in fear now 

 

Thot supreme: Wow that's my boyfriend everyone 

 

Eye See: We get it none of us are straight 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I mean you aren't wrong 

 

Thot supreme: Aren't I like half straight? 

 

Eye See: No there's nothing gayer than being Bi 

 

The Drunk Relative: Yes being Bi is the peak of gay how dare you assume otherwise 

 

The Brain Cell: You are only agreeing because you are bi 

 

The Drunk Relative: And? 

 

The Brain Cell: Have some class you heathen 

 

___________

 

Gray's name is one letter away from Gay 

 

Star Kick Ass: Listen I know it's fucking 4am but I just had a realization 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Holy fuck you are right

 

Wine Uncle: That means he's the gayest of us all 

 

Crazy Cousin: Wild 

 

simp: Don't remind me bitch 

 

Star Kick Ass: Shut the fuck up you are awake with me 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: And now I'm awake 

 

Star Kick Ass: Congratulations 

 

simp: You literally threw a pillow at him 

 

Star Kick Ass: Shut I'm sleep deprived 

 

Mother: When was the last time you slept? 

 

Star Kick Ass: But- 

 

Mother: No 

 

Star Kick Ass: :/ 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Ah so you've been fake sleeping and waiting until we are asleep 

 

Star Kick Ass: No? I've actually been wide awake when you guys go to sleep 

 

simp: Seems fake 

 

Mother: No he does that sometimes 

 

Baby Bro: Okay first off which one of you sick motherfuckers started this 

 

Baby Bro: Jellal go the fuck to bed before I drug you to sleep 

 

Star Kick Ass: Roger 

 

Baby Bro: Good 

 

simp: Damn he rlly went to fucking bed 

 

Baby Bro: You are next 

 

simp: I'm sorry 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Please don't murder my bf 

 

Baby Bro: Fine 

 

Mother: coward 

 

Wine Uncle: rid us of this curse

 

simp: excuse you bitch 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Both of you perish 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Sting is a delight and we love him 

 

Baby Bro: I mean you love him but he's not a fuckin delight 

 

simp: shit you right 

 

___________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Fight the man: Hey uh I wanted to tell you this because like I'm,,, uhhh I'm nonbinary,,, Please use they/them for me 

 

Authority issues: A fellow trans 

 

Fight the man: ajsjjdjd yeah 

 

Authority issues: I gotta add ur ass to a gc hold on 

 

Fight the man: Oh no 

 

___________

 

Give me the fucking bees

 

Baby Bro added Lucy to Give me the fucking bees. 

 

Baby Bro changed Lucy's name. 

 

Second child: what's this? 

 

Baby Bro: Welcome to the trans community in this horrid town 

 

simp: I'm so proud you have adopted another 

 

Baby Bro: quiet thot 

 

Second child: Y'all really go ham here huh? 

 

Baby Bro: because there's always transphobes everywhere else bitch 

 

Crazy Cousin: Another Child? 

 

Wine Uncle: Fresh Blood? 

 

Second child shared an image. 

[ID: A man with glasses has one arm on the wall with a pan braced out in front of him turned at an angle. His expression is terrified and he appears to be screaming. Captioned: Gay fear.] 

 

Crazy Cousin: I love this child already 

 

Star Kick Ass: Ah another meme 

 

simp: how tragic 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Fucking perish the both of you 

 

Star Kick Ass: Love you too 

 

Mother: Lucy!!! 

 

Second child: Erza!!! 

 

Baby Bro: Mkay so small introduction say name & pronouns like y'all did with me 

 

simp: Bet 

 

simp: I'm Sting! He/him & You've probably seen me before around Gray annoying him 

 

Mother: Erza she/her & you already know me 

 

Star Kick Ass: Jellal he/him & uh fuck I don't know??? I'm blue???? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: He means he has blue hair his skin isn't blue 

 

Second child: good to know 

 

Star Kick Ass: jsjsjdjd sorry 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: You are fine babe & hi I'm Rouge he/him I'm not trans at all but I am an ally (I wouldn't be here if I wasn't) I'm mostly here to be Stings (my other boyfriends) brain cell 

 

simp: :/ 

 

Crazy Cousin: Rufus he/they & I'm the one the cis & straights refer to has " the sinner " in that condescending tone that gets the majority of them punched 

 

Wine Uncle: Laxus he/him & I've met you like once and I remember scaring you on accident 

 

Second child: You have a very convincing resting bitch face 

 

Wine Uncle: That's fair my boyfriend is worse tho for some reason 

 

Second child: That's terrifying 

 

Wine Uncle: Yes it is 

 

Baby Bro: He's dating Gajeel the guy that's friends with Levy 

 

Second child: You mean the practically six foot terrifying man that my best friend managed to bond with? 

 

Mother: Yes 

 

simp: If it makes you feel better I grew up with the asshole he's not that bad 

 

Baby Bro: Bullshit but okay 

 

simp: You are literally his favorite you don't get to say bullshit 

 

Wine Uncle: I'm the favorite he's the second favorite 

 

simp: Fair 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Why are you dragging my brother? 

 

Second child: I'm not I value my life 

 

Baby Bro: I don't 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Gray you suicidal bitch 

 

Baby Bro: Perish scum 

 

Mother: He's wrapped up in five different blankets somehow 

 

Baby Bro: don't fuckin expose me 

 

Mother: I do what I want 

 

Second child: Sorry I forgot to introduce myself I got distracted by my bitch of a best friend 

 

Second child: I'm Lucy and I go by They/Them 

 

Second child: I'm sure the majority of you have seen me at some point 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: We literally share a class together and are trying to figure out fucking statistics 

 

Second child: Bitch????? Is rouge a nickname??? 

 

Baby Bro: Shit yeah his actual name is Raios we all just call him Rouge 

 

Second child: RAS MY FUCKING BRAIN CELL 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: Jfc I had some sort of hope gray didn't ruin your mental health but ya know 

 

Second child: No I ruined his first 

 

Baby Bro: bullshit 

 

Mother: I agree with Gray here 

 

Second child: Fine then I made it worse 

 

Baby Bro: there you go 

 

Mother: you both say this like you haven't shared coping mechanisms 

 

Second child: Smoking is a great coping mechanism 

 

Baby Bro: Yes 

 

Wine Uncle: None of that 

 

simp: Damn y'all just traumatized on main 

 

Baby Bro: you've never been held hostage with a literal serial killer who murdered your parents and it shows bitch 

 

Second child: you've never had an abusive father who manipulates you & hits you when you " do something wrong " which is basically just fucking existing and it shows 

 

simp: Shit y'all popped off 

 

Second child: I'm bitter 

 

Mother: Fair enough would you like hot chocolate? 

 

Baby Bro: yes 

 

Second child: Bitch I'm going over just for that hot chocolate 

 

Star Kick Ass: Is it time to break into Gray and Erza's house? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: I'm already here so hurry the fuck up 

 

Wine Uncle: Bet 

 

___________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Bi: How close are you to 26th St? 

 

The Pan: 3 minutes if I respect the law 

 

The Bi: Can you please get Erza and Lucy? Someone's following them. I know Erza could handle it but there's a possibility of it being more than one person. 

 

The Pan: Big bet I'll beat a skull in if I have to 

 

___________

 

DM 

 

Natsu: Yo stop at that blue shop & wait tell the cashier Natsu sent you 

 

Erza: Okay 

 

Lucy: What's the ETA? 

 

Natsu: Less than a minute I'd rather just be safe about it 

 

Erza: Okay thank you 

 

Natsu: No prob 

 

___________

 

DM 

 

Lucy: What the fuck is your boyfriend made of??? 

 

Gray: Ah did he get into a fight 

 

Erza: They stopped him at the door and asked if he's seen their " dear two lost sisters " 

 

Lucy: He threw a guy into a fucking wall 

 

Lucy: Why didn't you tell me you are dating a tank? 

 

Gray: You saw him in a sleeveless jacket Lucy he's clearly not weak 

 

Erza: I am just impressed he was that fast for his size 

 

Gray: He's literally a fucking heathen of course he's fast 

 

Gray: I'm convinced it's because he would blow shit up when he was younger 

 

Erza: Ah a true rascal 

 

Gray: Yeah he's pretty much a fucking thug not gonna lie 

 

Lucy: Seriously? 

 

Gray: He got into a lot of fights in school 

 

Gray: Natsu's fucking batshit but he won't hit anyone if they didn't do shit to deserve it 

 

Lucy: But like not involved in illegal shit? 

 

Gray: Nope his mom was a firefighter he's definitely grown up on the " right " side of the law he just doesn't give a shit about the law when one of his friends just got the shit beaten out of them 

 

Erza: That's fair actually I wouldn't react well either 

 

Gray: I sure as fuck wouldn't besides we can't judge him for that when we are 10x worse

 

Lucy: damn you are right 

 

Gray: Especially you bitch fuckin crazy 

 

Gray: You all okay tho? I don't need to grab the kit? 

 

Erza: Natsu needs a cut stitched but that's about it 

 

Gray: That idiot 

 

Lucy: He is one but he's also a little pissy still 

 

Erza: Yes he might just need to lay down 

 

Gray: I'll make him don't worry 

 

___________

 

Natsu made a chat. 

 

Natsu named the chat: Accident Prone Bitches. 

 

Natsu added Gray, Lucy, Erza. 

 

Natsu: I swear to fuck STOP GETTING IN TROUBLE 

 

Gray: You have no right to fucking tell me that mr let me break this guy's skull in 

 

Erza: I may of gone a little overboard 

 

Natsu: A LITTLE?! 

 

Natsu: Gray you fucking bitch shut up for a second that was 1) years ago and 2) he wouldn't get off of me so bitch deserved it 

 

Lucy: That's a valid reason 

 

Gray: Natsu I swear 

 

Natsu: No heck you and listen 

 

Gray: FINE

 

Natsu: I literally had to bail all of you out of fucking jail bc you just had to trash the bar 

 

Natsu: I then had to convince the fucking cops to not throw you idiots into trail or lock you up 

 

Natsu: And my father called me asking why the fucking shit 20K is missing so I had to explain to him and he got dissapointed 

 

Natsu: And I hate it when my dad's disappointed so never do that again 

 

Gray: Okay fine 

 

Erza: Okay first, thank you for bailing us out 

 

Natsu: You are welcome 

 

Erza: Secondly does he want the money back? 

 

Gray: Erza none of us can afford 20K not even in our dreams 

 

Natsu: Yeah no he doesn't really care he just wanted to know what the fuck cost 20K 

 

Natsu: He also can make that back easily so you guys are good 

 

Erza: We have managed to scare the gangs at least? 

 

Natsu: I guess bitch 

 

Lucy: I think they already fear Natsu 

 

Gray: They do and it's because he kicked their leader so hard he broke his ribs,, 

 

Gray: According to Natsu they were being annoying 

 

Natsu: They were bc they wouldn't leave me alone at all 

 

Natsu: It was always: Hey wanna fucking join us? [Insert a shitty threat here] And I'm already rolling my eyes at them saying no trying to be decent but after the 4th time the fucking patience I barely had snapped 

 

Lucy: That's suprisingly in Character for you 

 

Gray: Yes he has a temper Lucy yours is worse 

 

Erza: Actually out of all of us it's Mira's who's worse 

 

Gray: Worse than yours? 

 

Natsu: Ira is fucking batshit it's not surprising 

 

Lucy: You know Mira? 

 

Erza: You call her Ira? 

 

Natsu: Yes and yes 

 

Natsu: We grew up together she's basically a terrifying sister and I say that knowing exactly how big Elfman is I don't care she's always terrifying 

 

Gray: Fair enough 

 

Lucy: ;) 

 

Gray: No don't you fucking dare

 

Lucy: Didn't Gray scare both Minerva and Mira? 

 

Natsu: Babe you fucking what? 

 

Gray: :) it was for a good cause 

 

Erza: I change my mind I can't believe I forgot Gray is secretly terrifying and lures you in with his awkwardness and cute smile 

 

Gray: Hey! I'm genuinely a good person you shithead 

 

Natsu: Babe what the fuck? You scared Mira? Like Mirajane? 

 

Gray: Yes?? 

 

Lucy: I haven't seen him actually pissed off in a long time but I don't remember what happened that one time he did and that says something 

 

Erza: It was such a horrible event your mind repressed the memory 

 

Natsu: Why am I dating someone who's worse than fucking Ira? 

 

Gray: Bitch you fucking love me 

 

Natsu: I do I really do I'm just having a crisis 

 

Gray: It's not like it's easy to get me to that point 

 

Natsu: reassuring 

 

Lucy: No it isn't 

 

Natsu: Shut up 

___________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Pan: Babe what do you want from Bubbles? 

 

The Bi: Cherry Coke & the number 6 please 

 

The Pan: Ight & the rest of the heathens that I know are there? 

 

The Bi: Give me a second don't get in line yet 

 

The Pan: I'm not 

 

The Bi: Okay so Laxus just wants a #3, Gajeel wants a #2 & #4 with a sprite (No joking he's in his feelings right now), Rouge & Sting just want: #7 with a Pepsi (Yes they each want one), Lucy said to grab her a 6 (the only one with taste smh) and a lemonade & please grab Erza a 3 with a Water? (Jellal claims he already ate but get the bastard a coke & some fries) 

 

The Pan: Got you babe 

 

The Pan: She's getting off work at like 7 right? 

 

The Bi: Yes 

 

The Pan: Just move your hang out to my place it's closer to here & to her work I'm not gonna be back in enough time for her to be able to stay awake enough to eat something if it's at your place 

 

The Bi: Aight we should be there in 5 I'll text Erza & Tell your dad so he's not confused 

 

The Pan: Yeah got it 

___________

 

DM 

 

Natsu: Hey dad Gray & the others are going over. 

 

Igneel: Ah do they need to be fed? 

 

Natsu: I'm already picking something up. 

 

Igneel: What's the tea? Why at our place? 

 

Natsu: Erza is working late. Our place is closer to her work & she needs to stay awake long enough to eat something. 

 

Igneel: Fair enough. If she doesn't feel comfortable with driving I can get someone to pick her up. 

 

Natsu: Thanks Dad love you I gotta fuckin order 

 

Igneel: Love you too kid. I'm glad you have your own gaggle of dumbasses to look after 

 

___________

 

Natsu: Fuckin true I swear they are all stupid 

 

Igneel: I'm sending this to Gray 

 

Natsu: Wow time to die 

 

Igneel: Stop being dramatic 

 

___________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Pan: Here. You assholes better help me carry this shit in. 

 

The Bi: I'm gathering them we are going. 

 

The Bi: Also fuck you I'm not dumb

 

The Pan: I was talking about the REST of them 

 

The Bi: Okay wow you look tired 

 

The Pan: Work fucking sucks dude 

 

___________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

The Brain Cell: Thank you for the food Natsu 

 

Simp 2.0: Np 

 

Thot™: You and Erza look dead 

 

Eye See: I am dead bitch 

 

The Drunk Relative: Ah here we go again 

 

Snake: The both of you are disasters.

 

The Good One: You can't talk 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Yeah bitch you can't talk 

 

Snake: Rude 

 

Simp 2.0: My dad called you all a gaggle of dumbasses and I swear I started laughing so hard in the truck that I swerved a little

 

The Drunk Relative: I'd say he's wrong but he's not 

 

Thot supreme: I need to add Rufus for two seconds to get his opinion because Jellal is a fucking whore 

 

Thot™: I am not you fucking bitch 

 

Thot supreme added Rufus to The gays + the dumbasses. 

 

Rufus: Why did you forsake me 

 

Thot supreme: It's for 2 seconds and you don't have to stay 

 

Rufus: Fucking bet what's up 

 

Thot supreme: So like does the body harness go on under or over a button down 

 

Rufus: Depends on the mood like if you are trying to be a subtle kinky bitch then under but if the shirt isn't that baggy & tight fitting than over 

 

Thot supreme: I FUCKING TOLD YOU JELLAL 

 

Thot™: Fuck you 

 

Rufus: Wait Natsu Dragneel is here? 

 

Thot supreme: He's my boyfriend wym 

 

Rufus: Oh no it's because I know the guy 

 

Thot supreme: He's not paying attention to anything but playing patty cake with Erza spill the tea 

 

Rufus: It's just that your boyfriend used to be a fighter when he was younger maybe around 13? 

 

Rufus: Went under the Anagram E.N.D which stood for Etherious Natsu Dragneel. He was an amazing fighter, an absolute delight to have at my club. 

 

Eye See: E.N.D? 

 

Snake: Oh shit I know about this 

 

Eye See: Why E.N.D? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: It was something fucked up his brother used to call him. And his brother is absolutely batshit. Like crazy needs help kinda batshit. Last I heard the asshole got arrested and is in a care facility actually getting help. 

 

Rufus: He was really going through it at the time. I hope he's okay now. 

 

Thot supreme: What the fuck? He never told me any of this??? 

 

Rufus: Talk to him chances are he didn't realize it was important. He never actually hides shit he's just a dumbass who's not used to others caring. 

 

Thot supreme: So you knew him knew him 

 

Rufus: Uh yeah? We were bros??

 

Thot supreme: Okay hold up finna have a conversation 

 

___________

 

Simp 2.0: Thanks for letting me type it. It's just bad memories. 

 

Eye See: That's fine we are just concerned. 

 

Snake: Seriously grab tissues. 

 

Simp 2.0: Fuck I forgot that's how I know you but uh so starting this shit show (sorry I didn't say anything about it it's not easy for me to talk about) 

 

Thot supreme: Baby it's fine 

 

Simp 2.0: Okay 

 

Simp 2.0: My brother's name is Zeref Dragneel he's really batshit he would say that I was supposed to murder him so he could finally die and more 

 

Simp 2.0: It was obviously fucked and after him trying to constantly get me to do that and him being gone because regardless of how much of a fucking dick he was he was still my brother and all I had left of my parents. 

 

Simp 2.0: To the suprise of no one I'm adopted, Igneel is really fucking kind to me and I'm grateful for it but uh so fighter thing I was kinda lost? Really? I didn't feel there at all it felt like I was on autopilot 

 

Simp 2.0: so uh Rufus who was the best and genuinely helped me so much during the time helped me because at that point I was 18? Just turned 18? Out of the system but struggling because I didn't have anyone 

 

Simp 2.0: The blue shop on the corner used to give me food. Free of charge. Let me work around a little and gain some sort of cash. 

 

Simp 2.0: He had offered me a job. A place with him and I took it. I don't remember why I did, maybe it was all getting to me. And I don't know exactly why I chose that horrid fucking name but maybe that's just exactly how I felt at the time? I don't know it was an emotional choice for whatever fucked reason maybe a last ditch effort to be " normal " again even if my " normal " was never healthy 

 

Simp 2.0: Uh parent thing I don't really remember what happened? I was young very young and Zeref had custody of me at that time 

 

Simp 2.0: Yeah that's uh the rough run down? I'm pretty sure? I don't think I'm missing anything? Maybe if I am I'll update you

 

___________

 

Simp 2.0: Y'all didn't have to make me fucking cry like that you assholes 

 

The Drunk Relative: Natsu's not allowed to be by himself ever 

 

Thot supreme: Yes two traumatized bitches in a relationship 

 

Simp 2.0: Traumatized and traumatized^2 

 

Thot supreme: Baby! 

 

___________

 

Thot supreme: Before I forget & Rufus gets mad at me, 

 

Thot supreme removed Rufus. 

 

Thot supreme added Lucy. 

 

Thot supreme changed Lucy's name. 

 

HURTfila: About time you fucking bitch 




Notes:

Thanks for reading & let me know if you think the tags should be updated for Something!

Also Rufus is removed and only stays after he's told he can leave the chat bc Rufus doesn't like texting he's usually ACTUALLY talking with Gray and calling his friends. (Also why his apperances are random). Gray's poor call logs look like this:

TODAY
Rufus- 5 hours
Rufus-2 hours
Rufus- 3 hours

YESTERDAY
Rufus- 7 hours
Etc.

(These phone calls can be included if you'd like to have them! 👀)

Chapter 7: Snitches get stitches so do stalkers

Summary:

Slight Juvia bashing it's not rlly a bashing tho (gfo if you like or support her horrible behavior & stay far away from me THANKS), protective Natsu, one cranky gray and sting somehow causing his own demise.

Very short

Notes:

Hey guys! Long time no see sjdjdjdjd sorry school has been the worst! Anyways: TW FOR STALKING MENTION (Nothing described but will be tagged anyways for future reference!) I don't think there's anything else that's going to bed added to the tags? Let me know if I'm forgetting something or you think smth should be tagged!
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

Accident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
Lucy

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Jellal is a fucking SNITCH 

 

Mother: it was worth it 

 

Wine Uncle: was it? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: No it was not 

 

Second child: I had to call Natsu to get you out of jail Erza 

 

Mother: She Deserved It 

 

Star Kick Ass: I don't regret it 

 

Second child: move to the main™ chat with everyone they are concerned 

 

Mother: ah okay 

 

______________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

The Good One: If I don't hear from Erza or Gray I'm going to fucking SCREAM 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Who taught you how to fucking curse?! 

 

The Good One: You. 

 

Snake: Wendy calm down 

 

Snake: I'm sure they are both fine 

 

HURTfila: They are I promise 

 

Eye See: Sorry I wasn't trying to scare you Wendy 

 

The Good One: ERZA 

 

The Drunk Relative: what happened was Grays Stalker who shall not be named, found him again and Erza lost her fucking shit 

 

Thot™: She's here? 

 

Snake: He's not allowed to go alone anywhere 

 

Eye See: Yes perhaps we should inform Natsu? 

 

The Good One: Bad idea 

 

Airport Securities Menace: It's too late he's in the fucking chat 

 

Gay Bottom: Fuck who has eyes on Natsu? 

 

Snake: I don't 

 

Eye See: Last I heard he was with Mira 

 

Snake: talk to her and don't let Natsu check his phone 

 

Gay Bottom: that's just gonna piss him off more 

 

The Good One: we may need Gray for this 

 

HURTfila: I hate that you may be right 

 

Thot™: Talking to Gray right now 

 

Snake: okay 

 

______________________

 

Simp 2.0: Why is Mira telling me not to fucking check my phone? 

 

Eye See: we uh don't want you to get charged with manslaughter or murder 

 

Simp 2.0: ight I've read the chat and I'm gonna fucking kill all of you and then her 

 

Thot™: uh no Natsu Gray doesn't want you to do anything 

 

Simp 2.0: and you know this how? 

 

Thot™: fuck it @Thot Supreme

 

Thot Supreme: Natsu get the fuck over here 

 

Simp 2.0: fine 

 

______________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Thot Supreme: Natsu what are we not gonna do? 

 

Simp 2.0: Murder your stalker 

 

Thot Supreme: and what are we gonna do? 

 

Simp 2.0: respect your wishes as your boyfriend 

 

Thot Supreme: thank u 

 

______________________

 

Gay Bottom: His name is weird now that I'm not named simp 

 

Gay Bottom Changed Simp 2.0's user. 

 

Gay Bottom: perfect 

 

______________________

 

Grays bitch: STING YOU FUCKING WHORE 

 

______________________

 

Gay Bottom: Gotta blast 

 

______________________

 

Thot™: why is sting screaming 

 

The Brain Cell: who's murdering him? 

 

Thot™: excuse me I have to save our stupid boyfriend from Natsu 

 

The Brain Cell: fuck what did sting do now? 

 

Thot Supreme: read up 



Notes:

Hahahshhs thanks to whoever's even still reading this!!!! I'm trying to be better abt updating anything for stress relief but sadly shits not working out. I'mma try and at least update every two weeks sorry if I miss an update!!

Thanks for your patience & for sticking around!

Chapter 8: Mayhaps stop doing illegal shit

Summary:

Gray & Natsu are nerds & everyone else is tired of them.

Notes:

Okay so slight implied/referenced attempted suicide? It's not graphic and it's maybe two lines. Slight I guess sexual content (will be added to be safe)? It's not graphic and nothing is described other than ass grabbing and making out (also technically slapping your partners ass but it's not kinky). Then harrassment and of course violence and fighting (the main themes of Fairy Tail besides friendship). I believe that's all. Also I am SORRY for forgetting to tag for Gajeel's prosthetics!!! And yes implied/referenced attempted suicide will be added (if it's not already there? I didn't check before writing this.)

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

Accident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
Lucy

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Snake: Listen up bitches if I have to WITNESS THIS SHIT AGAIN I WILL LOSE IT 

 

Thot™: Are you functional? 

 

Snake: never 

 

HURTfila: same 

 

Airport Securities Menace: What's happening? 

 

Snake: So Glad You've asked 

 

Snake: so my friends are fucking idiots and angel JUST TRIED TO TRIP ME INTO A CLOTHING RACK 

 

Eye See: damn 

 

HURTfila: damn 

 

Snake: I know I'm so offended 

 

The Brain Cell: why tho? 

 

Snake: I called her a disaster lesbain 

 

Thot™: ah that will make any lesbain murder you on site 

 

Snake: gee thanks I haven't noticed 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Stop being a bitch 

 

Gay Bottom: are we calling out cobra for being a bitch? 

 

Snake: fuck you 

 

Snake: the true bitch here is gray and we all know it 

 

Thot™: I can't even argue 

 

The Brain Cell: Shit he's right 

 

Eye See: I can't even deny it 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I wish I could 

 

Grays Bitch: y'all just out here calling my bf a bitch huh 

 

Snake: yeah and? What about it 

 

_______________ 

 

Thot supreme: Hey cobra? :) 

 

Snake: oh no 

 

The Brain Cell: he's kinda in the chat man 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you did this to yourself 

 

Thot supreme: I Hope You Are Ready To Die 

 

_______________

 

Gay Bottom: Damn I can't believe cobra is dead 

 

_______________

 

The siblings & the hoes: 

 

Minerva: I know we don't talk here but I found a meme and it reminds me of Gray 

 

Erza: share 

 

Minerva: [IMG: Elmo is shown badly photoshopped in front of fire with a black backdrop.] 

 

Mira: Oh my god 

 

Gray: Fuck I can't even be offended 

 

Erza: if you tried I would of called you out 

 

Mira: it's funny because it also describes Natsu 

 

Minerva: shit I didn't think about that 

 

💞: Wow fuck you too 

 

Gray: glady ;) 

 

💞: JSHDJDJDJDJJDJD BABY 

 

_______________

 

Accident Prone Bitches 

 

Natsu: babe can I ask a favor 

 

Gray: fuck who did you punch 

 

Lucy: goodness 

 

Natsu: shut ur mouth 

 

Natsu: I didn't punch him I punted him into a table 

 

Erza: Natsu it's the third time this week 

 

Natsu: sh 

 

Gray: I'm coming where are you 

 

Natsu: The market 

 

Gray: babe how the fuck

 

Lucy: what did he even do? 

 

Natsu: pulled a knife on me so I said go fuck yourself and kicked him 

 

Gray: babe h ow do you always get into these situations 

 

Erza: we need a hamster ball for him 

 

Natsu: No! 

 

_______________

 

Natsu can get it 

 

Baby bro: I stand by what I said 

 

Star Kick Ass: I didn't want an explanation on how much of a top Natsu is but yet I've received one 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: I feel violated

 

Baby bro: coward 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: I GREW UP WITH HIM 

 

Second child: grays right tho 

 

simp: no that's my fucking brother 

 

Second child: no let him speak 

 

Baby bro: Natsu can bench press me and I love it 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: you literally swing him around like he weighs nothing 

 

Crazy Cousin: it's because they are both ripped has shit 

 

Crazy Cousin: I may be ace but I am not blind grays biceps are bigger than my head 

 

Second child: yes 

 

Second child: he's so ridiculously thicc it's fucking wild 

 

simp: I hate to agree but you are right 

 

simp: my brother is a mini brick house but grays just thicc 

 

Baby bro: thanks I know my ass is great 

 

Baby bro: Natsu is a mini brick house I swear 

 

Wine Uncle: why are we discussing them being athletic? Everyone here is? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: god everytime I see Jellal's abs I start crying and prasing god 

 

Star Kick Ass: SHUT UP

 

simp: he's right babe your abs are a godsend

 

Second child: I haven't seen them but if they move rouge to tears I'll believe it 

 

Baby bro: okay but like Laxus and Gajeel are both fucking trees I swear 

 

Baby bro: I have to look up at them and I'm not used to looking up at people 

 

Wine Uncle: it's the genetics of my shitty father 

 

simp: may he rest in piss bc he's fucking dead 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: amen 

 

Mother: amen 

 

Mother: everyone I know is ripped even my girlfriends 

 

simp: gay 

 

Mother: you have two whole bfs 

 

Baby bro: how tall are Laxus and Gajeel??? I just realized I don't know and I only know they are taller than 6 feet 

 

Wine Uncle: I'm 6'7. Gajeel is 6'6. 

 

Baby bro: bitch there's NO WAY WE ARE ONLY 7 & 6 INCHES APART 

 

Baby bro: y'all are fucking taller

 

Mother: they aren't 

 

Baby bro: bullshit 

 

Second child: I also call bullshit 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: you are literally 5'3 you don't count 

 

Second child: shut the FUCK UP 

 

_______________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Thot™: Hey Natsu wanna hear about how Gray thirsted over you in the trans chat? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: holy shit you are actually doing it 

 

Eye See: do it expose him 

 

Thot supreme: I heard you taking shit

 

Grays Bitch: yes I wanna know 

 

Thot supreme: BABE 

 

Thot™: Gray said your arms are so big he wants you to crush him w/ them and then he said he wants his head crushed by your thighs & then he went on a tangent about watching you throw someone into a wall for the first time and him gay panicking 

 

Grays Bitch: HSJDKDJDJDJDJDKDJD 

 

Grays Bitch: LOVE THAT'S SO GAY 

 

Thot™: he also said you could rail him anytime 

 

Grays Bitch: BSGYSUSJDBDHDJDHD 

 

Thot supreme: I'm going to die now 

 

Eye See: no 

 

Grays Bitch: babe we are dating 

 

Thot supreme: that makes it worse 

 

Grays Bitch: gray I literally slapped your ass five minutes ago 

 

The Drunk Relative: I witnessed it 

 

Eye See: ah I smack my gfs asses all the time 

 

Grays Bitch: are u rlly dating if you don't slap your partner's ass 

 

Thot supreme: babe why did you just grab a handful of my a s s 

 

Grays Bitch: and? I like your ass it's great 

 

Thot supreme: jdjdjdkdkdkd Natsu I swear

 

HURTfila: and they are making out 

 

Eye See: Natsu's hands are back on his ass 

 

The Brain Cell: disappointed but not surprised 

 

_______________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Authority issues: the next person who tells me what to do is getting punched 

 

Fight the man: not that I don't support but why 

 

Authority issues: I'm getting talked down to by these guys and I wasn't even talking to them in the first place??? 

 

Authority issues: they heard Erza mention my 23rd birthday & their 40 yr old asses automatically assumed that means they are superior 

 

Fight the man: how close is erza to breaking them 

 

Authority issues: abt the same as me 

 

Fight the man: just call Natsu passive aggressively 

 

Authority issues: he's at work

 

Fight the man: he got off an hour ago 

 

Fight the man: remember when he said to just call him when you are about to fight someone? 

 

Authority issues: ugh fine 

 

_______________

 

" Natsu. I'm two seconds away from breaking someone's skull in. " 

 

Gray stares down the group of men. Erza smiles in front of him. 

 

" Wow you actually called me instead of beating their heads in? So proud of you babe. " 

 

" Yeah it's like a whole group of forty year old men who somehow think age is equivalent to respect and like it would stop me from beating their asses. " 

 

" Gray no committing murder. I will not bail you out again. " 

 

All of the men pale while Gray just smiles widely. 

 

" Fine. Erza won't hold me back through. " 

 

She gives him a shit eating grin. 

 

" Oh of course you are out with your trigger happy sister. Why am I not fucking suprised. " 

 

" Yeah sure fucking am. " 

 

" Did you put me on speaker to scare the shit out of them? " 

 

Gray snickers, Erza's blocking her own laughter with a hand to her mouth. 

 

" You know me so well. " 

 

" Babe. Turn the fuck around. " 

 

He turns around, eyes meeting Natsu's. " Fucking brat. " His boyfriend curses, flopping down right next to Gray. 

 

" Listen it was for the greater good. " 

 

Erza nods. " It was truly. " Natsu gives her a flat look. " You assholes are lucky I was already out when you called me. " 

 

Gray laughs. 

 

_______________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar  

 

The Bi: love can you please get me the heat pad? 

 

The Pan: ofc baby 

 

The Bi: thank you 

 

The Pan: even brought cramp meds 

 

The Bi: god I love you 

 

_______________

 

Eat my fucking ass Laxus I'll change the chat name every damn day: 23 days in a row 

 

Mother: an f in the chat bc Gray got his period 

 

Crazy Cousin: F 

 

Star Kick Ass: F 

 

Second child: F 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: F 

 

simp: F 

 

Wine Uncle: F 

 

Baby bro: thanks for the support in my time of dying 

 

Second child: stop quoting three days grace you emo 

 

Baby bro: I will scream the lyrics to Bully don't fucking try me 

 

Second child: wow fuck you 

 

Mother: And risk waking up Natsu? Surprising 

 

Baby bro: fuck 

 

_______________

 

Star Kick Ass: erza I'm coming over 

 

Mother: bet bitch 

 

simp: abandonment 

 

Star Kick Ass: u are welcome to come w/ me I just want bff time 

 

simp: bet 

 

Mother: Gray just finished making cookies 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: BET 

 

_______________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Gay Bottom: let's appreciate Natsu rlq 

 

Grays Bitch: wait why 

 

The Brain Cell: you just saved what's left of my sanity 

 

Snake: you stopped us from dying 

 

HURTfila: you took my children and sent them to college 

 

Eye See: you took my acne and killed it 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you gave me my hands back 

 

Thot™: you saved me & my bfs 

 

Thot supreme: You kissed me on the forehead and cured my depression 

 

Eye See: you gave me my fucking eye back 

 

Snake: yes 

 

Grays Bitch: sjdjkdkdkdkd do y'all rlly fucking hate them that much??? 

 

Thot™: they never leave us alone 

 

HURTfila: they started harassing me after they found out I'm friends with Gray & Erza

 

Snake: they started trying to mess with me after they found our Gajeel & I are close 

 

The Brain Cell: I was always a target because I'm Gajeel's brother 

 

Gay Bottom: I was targeted because I'm bfs w/ rouge (b4 it was bff's but we upgraded) 

 

The Drunk Relative: they don't have the balls to mess with me 

 

The Drunk Relative: I however am not around all the time to scare the assholes off 

 

Thot supreme: I wish they would fear me 

 

Grays Bitch: so like these asshats have been bothering y'all for eons 

 

Thot™: they decided we are all rivals for some reason? 

 

Eye See: it's a them thing and I don't appreciate it 

 

HURTfila: big fucking mood 

 

Grays Bitch: Hold the fuck up 

 

_______________

 

Snake: fucking bless Natsu for beating the shit out of all of them 

 

Thot™: thank fuck Lucy took that picture of him at the park 

 

HURTfila: I know right??? 

 

Eye See: that was so satisfying 

 

Airport Securities Menace: yes it was 

 

Thot supreme: thank you baby 

 

Grays Bitch: np they fucking deserved it 

 

Eye See: I genuinely appreciate you so much 

 

Grays Bitch: thank you!! 

 

Thot supreme: watching Natsu just chunk one of them into a car was fucking beautiful 

 

Snake: so was watching him drop kick the other one 

 

_______________

 

The Good One: FINALLY 

 

Snake: oh? 

 

The Good One: They have been bothering me for months after finding out I'm related to Erza & Gray 

 

Eye See: they've been fucking what 

 

The Good One: it was fine! It's not like I didn't kick their asses every time 

 

The Good One: half the time they started crying when I looked like I was getting mad 

 

Snake: fuck she's been curoupted 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I'm so proud 

 

Eye See: same 

 

The Good One: :D 

 

_______________

 

Fun fucking times with the fam 

 

Baby bro: listen is it like illegal to just???? Climb construction equipment

 

Second child: I genuinely don't know 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: but why are you climbing??? 

 

Star Kick Ass: gray you better fucking not be doing that 

 

Baby bro: oh shit I forgot about that 

 

Baby bro: but no I'm not doing that 

 

Mother: thank God 

 

Baby bro: I just hold on 

 

Baby bro: [IMG: A landscape photo of the city with a golden sunset behind it.] 

 

Star Kick Ass: :0 pretty 

 

Mother: it's beautiful 

 

Baby bro: I kinda like it up here 

 

Second child: just be safe 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: please be safe 

 

Baby bro: I am! 






Notes:

Thanks for reading & I definitely fucked up the schedule I think? Because my time management is shit but Hey y'all already know this.

Also I just want to leave you with this thought; There's no way Natsu isn't an ass man and that's That. (Yes I'm right I know.) (This is purely jokes I promise)

Chapter 9: It's revealed Gray stole Gajeel

Summary:

Gray & Gajeel are close has fuck and y'all can't change my fucking mind about it.

Notes:

Small thing: Gray & Gajeel meet at an abusive orphanage b4 Gajeel loses his hands. Which is why neither of them want to talk about it. Also after I post this the character tags & another set of tags (I think) will be changed. We also have some new chats and developments!

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- Baby

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

Accident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
Lucy

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- Smol

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

Oh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Fight the man: guess what 

 

Authority issues: what 

 

Fight the man: it turns out Freed is trans 👀 

 

Authority issues: HOLD THE FUCK UP 

 

____________

 

Please for the love of fuck stop being a simp 

 

Second child: so anyways I was sitting there bbq sauce on my tits

 

Baby Bro added Freed. 

 

Baby Bro changed Freed's user. 

 

Baby: why the fuck am I here

 

simp: welcome to the towns trans community 

 

Baby: we have a trans community? 

 

Star Kick Ass: mood 

 

Mother: gray stop adopting people 

 

Baby Bro: No fuck you mom 

 

Mother: how dare you 

 

Crazy Cousin: ah another child 

 

Wine Uncle: why did you steal Freed 

 

Baby Bro: he's a baby trans 

 

Wine Uncle: carry the fuck on 

 

Baby: LAXUS?! 

 

Wine Uncle: yuh 

 

Baby Bro: okay asshats roll call bc none of you are functional 

 

Second Child: that's fair actually 

 

Baby Bro: Erza 

 

Mother: I am here and I am queer 

 

Baby Bro: Rufus 

 

Crazy Cousin: what's good 

 

Baby Bro: we already did Laxus so I'm skipping him 

 

Baby Bro: Jellal 

 

Star Kick Ass: present 

 

Baby Bro: Sting 

 

simp: Hola 

 

Baby Bro: Rouge 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: My username explains 

 

Baby Bro: Lucy 

 

Second Child: I am g a y 

 

Baby: I- 

 

Baby Bro: scream if you need to 

 

Baby: I did not realize I was surrounded by people like me this entire fucking TIME 

 

simp: that's fair we all just pass super fucking well 

 

Mother: I don't know how you don't know about Gray or Rufus 

 

Mother: Gray refuses to wear shirts half the time & his top surgery scars are just on full display 

 

Mother: Rufus is always screaming trans rights 

 

Baby: I am an introvert 

 

Second Child: that's fair 

 

Wine Uncle: yeah but anyways we are the only trans ppl in this town so if you need something just holler at us or an Ally if you rlly wanna 

 

Baby: can I have a list of allies? I am small and Anxious 

 

Star Kick Ass: fuck what a mood 

 

Mother: Gray type up the list

 

Baby Bro: oh shit yeah hold on 

 

Baby Bro: This is gonna take a hot minute 

 

Baby: thank you tho 

 

simp: if you feel comfortable we will add you to a separate chat we have that has all of our allies in it 

 

Baby: please I am tired of feeling scared 

 

simp: got you 

 

Baby Bro: Natsu Dragneel (My boyfriend), Rouge Redfox (Sting & Jellal's boyfriend), Gajeel Redfox (Yes they are related & He's Laxus' bf), Levy McGarden, Wendy Marvell (My & Erza's little sister), Cobra/Erik, Minerva Orland, Mirajane Strauss, Elfman Strauss, Lisanna Strauss

 

Baby: thank you 

 

____________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

Thot supreme: listen up whores 

 

Snake: do we get to know why sting added someone 

 

Thot supreme: yeah so Smol is Freed Justine 

 

Thot supreme: he's trans and like he needs allies 

 

Airport Securities Menace: fair enough 

 

Thot supreme: so if y'all could be grand and just send in your names (I gave him a list) 

 

The Good One: Wendy 

 

Snake: Cobra 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Gajeel 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Natsu is busy right now but he's @Grays bitch 

 

The Brain Cell: Rouge 

 

Smol: thank you I live near so many transphobes it makes me anxious 

 

The Drunk Relative: I will smite all of them 

 

The Good One: We need to get him away from there 

 

Airport Securities Menace: True 

 

Snake: @Grays Bitch yo can we just borrow your mansion 

 

Smol: jsjdjdjd 

 

Grays Bitch: for what? Don't assume it's mine bitch both sting & I live there 

 

The Good One: Freed doesn't live in a safe area for him could he potentially live with you? 

 

Grays Bitch: ???? Shit lemme ask dad 

 

____________

 

DM 

 

Natsu: dad do you want another child 

 

Igneel: maybe 

 

Natsu: his name is Freed and he doesn't live in a good area 

 

Igneel: your brother is already harassing me

 

Natsu: we just need a fam gc hold up 

 

____________

 

Natsu created Oh? Same Dad. 

 

Natsu added Sting and Igneel to Oh? Same Dad. 

 

Natsu: okay so 

 

Sting: do it we need another brother 

 

Igneel: fine 

 

Natsu: Yesss 

 

____________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Grays Bitch: he said yes!!! 

 

Gay Bottom: thanks to us being annoying 

 

The Good One: nice 

 

Eye See: perfect!!! 

 

Smol: I'm going to cry thank you 

 

____________

 

Oh? Same Dad.

 

Natsu added Freed. 

 

Natsu: okay so now that we are all here 

 

Igneel: ah!!! Hello third son!!! 

 

Freed: hi! 

 

Sting: I'm glad we all agree Freed is too precious for this world 

 

____________

 

DM 

 

Freed: I just got adopted!!! 

 

Evergreen: gasp!!!!! Yes!!! 

 

Freed: They are so nice to me??? I- 

 

Evergreen: has they should be

 

Freed: shush but I think maybe they would be good for you also? 

 

Evergreen: uhhh I don't know? Trust issues and all that 

 

Freed: think about it at least? 

 

Evergreen: okay for you 

 

Freed: !!! 

 

____________

 

DM 

 

Freed: Ever promised to think about it 

 

Bixlow: !!! Progress 

 

Freed: I think she still needs you to calm her down tho

 

Bixlow: already on it little dude 

 

Freed: no 

 

____________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Grays Bitch: why did no one tell me Gray adopted Gajeel 

 

The Drunk Relative: did you not know? 

 

Grays Bitch: NO 

 

Smol: isn't that a good thing? 

 

Snake: depends because grays actually good for Gajeel 

 

The Brain Cell: it's true 

 

The Brain Cell: he helps him with things I can't which is nice to know my brother can have that happen 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I thought dad told you? 

 

Grays Bitch: YOU CALL GRAY DAD?! 

 

Airport Securities Menace: he is my dad you fuck 

 

HURTfila: like literally or? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: no not literally 

 

HURTfila: okay bc I'm still offended he didn't tell me I'm an aunt 

 

Eye See: ah I thought he did 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I just? The fuck is dad doing I have questions 

 

Thot supreme: ah so y'all found out 

 

Airport Securities Menace: did you not wanna tell them bc explaining is hard 

 

Thot supreme: yes and also because it's extremely personal to you and I'd rather not make you uncomfortable 

 

Airport Securities Menace: that's fair & no one gets the explanation 

 

Grays Bitch: that's fair enough I just wanna know why I'm just now aware I'm a dad 

 

Airport Securities Menace: b l e h 

 

The Drunk Relative: how are you grays kid? Is this like an ' my child ' thing or a ' we went through trauma together so we are now family ' thing? 

 

Thot supreme: second 

 

Airport Securities Menace: yep 

 

Airport Securities Menace: was incredibly fucked up for me so no questions 

 

Grays Bitch: no one will question you 

 

The Drunk Relative: I'll fight them 

 

The Brain Cell: mood 

 

The Brain Cell: we respect boundaries in this household 

 

The Good One: yes! 

 

The Good One: I am offended I didn't know I had a brother! 

 

Eye See: I don't think that's how it works 

 

The Good One: A Brother

 

Thot supreme: bc I can't just go: hey I have a kid & then not explain why 

 

Snake: It's good for him tho Gajeel is genuinely less tense and ready to jump someone which is improvement 

 

Airport Securities Menace: fuck off 

 

Snake: no 

 

The Good One: I wish my family would stop being hurt but it appears I may have to fight god for that to happen 

 

Eye See: no fighting god until you are 18 

 

The Good One: bold of you to assume I'll listen 

 

Eye See: 

 

Eye See: GRAY THIS IS YOUR DOING 

 

Thot supreme: and? 







Notes:

Thank you for reading! It might not be long? I didn't check the word count before doing this I probably should of.

Chapter 10: Sir your vibes are absolutely Horrendous.

Summary:

TRIGGER WARNING: Attempted Rape and Rape IMPLIED. (Word rape is not used it is heavily implied) Skip this by avoiding bolded: [Warning beyond this section is an attempted rape mention. It does not occur and the word Rape is not used. It is referred to Vaguely, I suggest scrolling past if this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Just scroll until the next bolded words.] 
& Continuing reading at: [Trigger warning ends here.] 

Stay safe and DO NOT READ THE SECTION IF IT BOTHERS YOU OR IS SOMETHING YOU CANNOT HANDLE.

Notes:

Hey so massive tag update + revealed orientations for both Sting and Freed! (Also going to be tagged) obv bc like self projecting trauma onto characters! The gays favorite passtime. Please do take care of yourselves and don't read that section (has explained above) if it's something that bothers you.

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- Baby

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

Accident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
Lucy

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- Smol

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

Oh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Oh? Same Dad 

 

Natsu: Hey y'all want food? 

 

Igneel: yes where are you going? 

 

Sting: please tell me it's Miras 

 

Natsu: it is 

 

Igneel: can I get my second favorite thing? 

 

Natsu: ye with a Pepsi? 

 

Igneel: yes 

 

Natsu: sting 

 

Sting: sh I was thinking but a 7 w/ no pickles & I already made tea b4 you texted so 

 

Natsu: mkay 

 

Freed: oh Miras? 

 

Natsu: ye what ya want 

 

Freed: a 8 please 

 

Natsu: drink? 

 

Freed: lemonade 

 

Natsu: bet I'll be home in 30 

 

___________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Snake: I'm just saying that Gajeel can still bitch slap someone from a distance 

 

Thot™: stop talking about how Gajeel can bitch slap people with his hand 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I like this idea 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I should slap Natsu 

 

The Drunk Relative: Don't break your hand 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I won't 

 

Smol: why are we hitting my brother 

 

Thot™: bc he's a bitch 

 

The Good One: Is it because he's making dad jokes 

 

Airport Securities Menace: ye ah 

 

Smol: carry on 

 

Grays Bitch: how hurtful fucking betrayed 

 

Thot™: a bitch deserves it 

 

The Good One: I have to agree 

 

Airport Securities Menace: why? You aren't mean who are you and why did you steal Wendy's phone 

 

The Good One: it's because he steals gray all the time :/ 

 

Snake: Natsu how could you 

 

Grays Bitch: it's not my fault he breaks into the house to sleep in my bed 

 

HURTfila: It's not breaking and entering if you gave him a key 

 

Gay Bottom: Grays gonna be home tommorow Wendy 

 

Eye See: promise? 

 

Gay Bottom: ye he said so just now 

 

Thot supreme: I'm sorry I was gone for a fucking week I just needed Natsu 

 

Eye See: I know this and I will still pout 

 

The Good One: mood 

 

Thot supreme: I'll just steal Natsu this time 

 

Eye See: better 

 

___________________

 

[Warning beyond this section is an attempted rape mention. It does not occur and the word Rape is not used. It is referred to Vaguely, I suggest scrolling past if this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Just scroll until the next bolded words.] 

 

Catch these hands transphobes

 

simp: gray are u like available rn 

 

Baby Bro: why 

 

simp: uhhh may or may not of lost my fucking shit 

 

Star Kick Ass: babe that hardly ever happens 

 

Star Kick Ass: Where are you 

 

simp: h 

 

simp shared location with Star Kick Ass, Baby Bro and The Only Cis Allowed. 

 

Baby Bro: omw do you two need a ride? 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: please 

 

___________________

 

Mother: what happened? 

 

Star Kick Ass: So in addition to being trans Sting is openly Gray Ace, which means he sometimes feels sexual attraction, but uh someone tried to hold him down and do that 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: to " fix " him and I am shaking with rage right now. 

 

Baby Bro: I might have gotten myself handcuffed but then again they needed to visit a hospital :) 

 

Crazy Cousin: omw 

 

Wine Uncle: Fuck 

 

Wine Uncle: Is he good? They didn't actually do that right? 

 

Baby Bro: no sting lost his fucking shit before they could even try 

 

Wine Uncle: thank fuck 

 

Mother: Gray I can feel you scratching stop it 

 

Baby Bro: sorry it just reminded me of that 

 

Baby Bro: I went batshit 

 

Mother: black out? 

 

Baby Bro: yeah 

 

Mother: fuck I'm on my way & I'm bringing Natsu

 

Baby Bro: thank you 

 

___________________

 

simp: my house now. 

 

___________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Eye See: get to stings place 

 

Eye See: something triggering happened and both Sting & Gray are fucked up 

 

The Good One: gosh I'm going 

 

HURTfila: I'll bring cookies 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I'll pick up drinks 

 

Eye See: thank you 

 

___________________

 

Grays Bitch: I'm going to fucking murder someone 

 

Grays Bitch: tell me I can't murder someone 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you can't murder someone 

 

Grays Bitch: thanks 

 

Snake: I hate this fucking town 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you and me both 

 

Smol: I am filled with rage 

 

Smol: I haven't really shared this but has a person who's ace has well I am Livid. 

 

Thot™: I'm not ace and I'm still fucking livid 

 

___________________

 

Snake: The guys arrested. Both Gray & Sting aren't going to be charged. 

 

Snake: Off the books you are welcome. 

 

Snake: He's getting sentenced to life for a hate crime and attempted that. 

 

Eye See: Good. 

 

Thot supreme: hell fucking yeah 

 

___________________

 

[Trigger warning ends here.] 

 

Fuck YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS BITCH 

 

Second Child: I'm just saying it should happen 

 

simp: we can't hunt down every hetero and murder them 

 

Second child: true there are some good ones 

 

Star Kick Ass: Exactly just murder the homophobes 

 

Wine Uncle: and transphobes 

 

Baby Bro: especially the transphobes 

 

Mother: they are first 

 

Second child: I support this 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: same fuck transphobes 

 

Wine Uncle: fuck transphobes 

 

Mother: fuck transphobes 

 

Second child: fuck transphobes 

 

Baby Bro: fuck transphobes 

 

Baby: fuck transphobes 

 

simp: fuck transphobes 

 

Star Kick Ass: fuck transphobes 

 

Crazy Cousin: fuck transphobes.

 

Mother: I love that we all came online to say fuck transphobes 

 

simp: a ritual 

 

Baby: yes 

 

Crazy Cousin: I will never miss the chance to say fuck transphobes 

 

simp: god a mood 

 

Baby Bro: we need a big fire pit to shove them all in 

 

Wine Uncle: yes 

 

___________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Fight the man: listen the bees can 

 

Authority issues: no they can't 

 

Fight the man: ITS LOGICAL 

 

Authority issues: IT'S NOT LOGICAL TO TRY AND DESTROY THE ONLY INDUSTRY TRYING TO SAVE THE BEES DUMBASS 

 

Fight the man: how do you know 

 

Authority issues: I will Fucking Kill You 

 

Fight the man: me a n 

 

___________________

 

Accident Prone Bitches 

 

Erza: So we all remember how Gray lost it twice this week 

 

Lucy: I can't even blame him 

 

Natsu: I was scared and horny at the same time what fucking combination 

 

Gray: sjjdjdjdjd 

 

Erza: I'm going to ignore that 

 

Gray: please do 

 

Erza: anyways so do we think the second victim is still alive 

 

Natsu: after that? No 

 

Lucy: same 

 

Erza: glad we are all on the same page 

 

Gray: stop bullying me 

 

Natsu: baby I'd never 

 

Gray: bitch 







Notes:

Thanks for reading! I appreciate your support! 💖

Chapter 11: Gray stop fucking stealing cats

Summary:

Gray murders Natsu with gay and steals a lot of cats.

Notes:

Hello!!! Suprisingly nothing triggering!!!!

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- Baby

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

Accident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
Lucy

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- Smol

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

Oh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Accident Prone Bitches 

 

Natsu: can y'all stop giving me heart attacks please? 

 

Lucy: no fuck you 

 

Gray: Lucy no 

 

Lucy: Lucy yes 

 

Erza: Lucy no 

 

Lucy: … 

 

Natsu: Lucy. 

 

Lucy: Lucy no :/ 

 

Gray: that's what I fucking thought 

 

Erza: I don't know how we got into that situation 

 

Natsu: Erza you punched a man 

 

Natsu: into a wall

 

Erza: did I? 

 

Gray: Actually I started it after they called me a weirdo for being in a body harness 

 

Lucy: I don't know why your body harness is sick as fuck 

 

Natsu: gray honey 

 

Gray: And what Natsu? Let that shit slide? No. 

 

Natsu: you all are going to give me a heart attack 

 

____________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Thot™: Gray hey wanna twin today? 

 

Thot supreme: what's the idea? 

 

Smol: oh no 

 

Snake: guys please 

 

Thot™: Like our matching pink shorts and black button down? 

 

Eye See: wait you mean the booty shorts

 

HURTfila: dear god 

 

Smol: I feel scared 

 

The Brain Cell: you should 

 

Thot supreme: Bet bitch lemme get changed 

 

Eye See: can you both please stop wearing slutty clothes in public? 

 

Snake: last week someone thought you were escorts 

 

Airport Securities Menace: okay and? Sex workers are metal has fuck

 

Thot™: exactly 

 

Eye See: you both have boyfriends who did not appreciate it 

 

The Brain Cell: listen has one of the boyfriends I was mad 

 

The Brain Cell: I also however know no one is going to win this argument

 

Airport Securities Menace: Good 

 

Thot™: wanna twin with us? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: fuck it just don't comment on my scars and we'll be good 

 

Thot supreme: hell yeah! 

 

Thot supreme: I'll kill anyone who does :) 

 

The Drunk Relative: why is my boyfriend putting on booty shorts 

 

The Drunk Relative: you 

 

Thot™: I just asked and he agreed ;) 

 

HURTfila: Gray please- 

 

Thot supreme: no fuck you 

 

Gay Bottom: I'm not complaining 

 

The Brain Cell: sting please 

 

Gay Bottom: you act like Jellal isn't gorgeous 

 

Thot™: thanks I know I'm pretty 

 

Thot™: Gray buttoned up or down? 

 

Thot supreme: like that's even a question 

 

Thot supreme: don't be a coward 

 

Snake: dear fuck 

 

Airport Securities Menace: where are we meeting 

 

Thot™: at the brick 

 

Airport Securities Menace: k can Laxus come with me? 

 

Thot supreme: yeah 

 

The Drunk Relative: fuck 

 

Eye See: dear god someone alert Natsu 

 

Snake: not it 

 

Smol: not it 

 

HURTfila: not it 

 

Thot™: cowards 

 

Thot™: @Grays Bitch Your boyfriend is looking hot today 

 

Grays Bitch: oh god 

 

Thot™: damn he has his eyeliner & make-up on rest in pieces 

 

Grays Bitch: fuck 

 

Smol: I only one one brother the other has died of gay 

 

HURTfila: God I can see Natsu dying 

 

Eye See: gray sitting in the man's lap is excessive 

 

Thot supreme: it's my lap I can sit in it all I want 

 

Gay Bottom: they sit in each other's laps all the time 

 

The Brain Cell: especially Natsu he's a clingy bitch 

 

____________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs  

 

Fight the man: gray what are you holding 

 

Authority issues: fuck off 

 

Fight the man: gray what the fuck 

 

Fight the man: IS THAT A FUCKING CAT 

 

Authority issues: FUCK OFF 

 

Fight the man: WHY ARE YOU RUNNING 

 

____________________

 

Put it BACK GRAY 

 

Baby: why are we trying to make him release the cat? 

 

Second child: he will acquire more 

 

Baby: s o 

 

Star Kick Ass: don't encourage him 

 

Crazy Cousin: let him keep the fur child 

 

Baby: no one was taking care of them anyways 

 

Second child: you may have a point 

 

Wine Uncle: get the cat from gray before he adopts every cat in this town 

 

Baby Bro: bold of you to assume I haven't already 

 

Mother: gray we've talked about this 

 

Baby Bro: I refuse to put her down 

 

Star Kick Ass: that's fucking it. 

 

____________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Smol: GRAY RUN 

 

Thot supreme: zoom zoom 

 

Eye See: GET BACK HERE YOU TRAITOR 

 

Smol: NEVER 

 

The Good One: @Grays Bitch help Gray got ahold of another cat 

 

Grays Bitch: baby what the fuck

 

Thot supreme: no one was taking care of her!!! 

 

Thot™: that doesn't mean you kidnap the fucking child 

 

Airport Securities Menace: so let him 

 

Airport Securities Menace: the fur child will be happier and not harmed 

 

Gay Bottom: fuck Gajeel's a cat person isn't he 

 

The Drunk Relative: yes 

 

The Brain Cell: Natsu's talking to Gray but he might be getting bribed over to the dark side 

 

Thot™: considering Gray just kissed him it's safe to say yes 

 

Snake: fuck he got a cat again 

 

Eye See: unfortunately 

 

The Good One: and Natsu is supporting it along with Gajeel and Freed 

 

Snake: f u c k 

 

Snake: @Grays Bitch Weak willed hoe 

 

Grays Bitch: don't make me kick your fucking ass again 

 

____________________

 

HURTfila: Gray why are there ten cats 

 

Thot supreme: no reason 

 

Grays Bitch: he bribed me again 

 

HURTfila: Gray. 

 

Thot supreme: fuck off 

 

Airport Securities Menace: the cats aren't all his anyways bitch 

 

HURTfila: I find that hard to believe. 

 

The Drunk Relative: no Gajeel is right 

 

The Drunk Relative: the calico cat is ours her name is Daisy and the black cat is Panther lilly. 

 

Eye See: then we already have Opal and Rage 

 

Eye See: plus Frost 

 

HURTfila: that only accounts for five 

 

Smol: The cat missing an ear is bixlows 

 

Smol: I'm cat sitting & his name is Jazz. 

 

Thot™: And then Galaxy and Squeaky are obviously mine. 

 

HURTfila: that's eight 

 

Snake: excuse you the blue russian is Happy or Natsu's cat and then the purple cat is mine so yeah ur not correct 

 

Eye See: we are having a cat socializing day 

 

Thot supreme: they are all getting along 

 

Smol: that reminds me Gray could you adopt evergreen? 

 

Thot supreme: whom

 

Smol: she's a friend of mine but she's uh trust issues and trauma 

 

Smol: I think you could understand her better than I can 

 

Airport Securities Menace: shit he really said: you don't trust shit 

 

Thot supreme: untrue 

 

Thot supreme: but yeah sure I'll adopt another child 

 

Smol: bet 

 

____________________

 

Accident Prone Bitches 

 

Gray: hey erza Wendy has a cat now 

 

Erza: why 

 

Gray: I can't legally try to convince her to leave behind a cat she saved from the stupid ghetto ass drain thing 

 

Lucy: shit she's attached isn't she 

 

Gray: and I'm pretty sure someone dumped the fucking cat in there 

 

Natsu: shit

 

Gray: yeah shit 

 

Erza: goddamnit what's the child's name 

 

Gray: Carla 

 

Erza: fuck I guess she can stay 

 

Gray: ha! 

 

____________________

 

All of my problems would be gone with a sugar daddy 

 

simp: gray you can't just do this to Natsu twice in a week 

 

Star Kick Ass: he will live 

 

Baby Bro: exactly 

 

Baby: he really might not 

 

simp: he's so red

 

Baby Bro: he hasn't stopped staring at my ass and honestly? that's valid 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: please Gray Natsu's dying you are killing him 

 

Baby Bro: and where's my apology for when he wears skin tight shirts or those tank tops that cover nothing

 

simp: fuck he's right 

 

Second child: yeah he is right 

 

Wine Uncle: he is Natsu constantly lives like that 

 

Baby Bro: I'm aware and I suffer 








Notes:

Stay tuned for evergreen getting adopted by gray. Also cobra's cat is safely dyed purple.

Chapter 12: Suprise adoption

Summary:

The stealing of Evergreen and Levy.

Notes:

There's a mention of Insomnia and nightmares but nothing graphic or describing it.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Bigfoot is real in my heart 

 

Star Kick Ass: okay but mothman 

 

Baby Bro: shit you right 

 

Star Kick Ass: he is husband material 

 

Baby Bro: agreed 

 

Baby Bro: he's just??? A feminist??? 

 

Star Kick Ass: and he can play the piano 

 

Baby Bro: ugh he's so good 

 

Star Kick Ass: he really is he's even a real one that will give you cats 

 

Baby Bro: I know and it's so dreamy 

 

Star Kick Ass: it really fucking is 

 

Star Kick Ass: I wish my boyfriend's would give me cats 

 

Baby Bro: aren't they like asleep rn 

 

Star Kick Ass: it's only 2am gray why are they sleeping

 

Baby Bro: mayhaps because they don't have Insomnia and nightmares like we do? 

 

Star Kick Ass: fuck 

 

Baby bro: yeah fuck bitch ass 

 

________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Fight the man: why were you up at 2am 

 

Authority issues: can't a man stay up in peace? 

 

Fight the man: s u r e 

 

Authority issues: I just had a nightmare and Jellal was already up so 

 

Fight the man: you good now? 

 

Authority issues: ye I'm fine and vibing

 

________________

 

Bigfoot is real in my heart 

 

Mother: Gray did you have a nightmare again 

 

Baby Bro: yeah :( 

 

Mother: are you okay? 

 

Baby Bro: ye I don't feel weird which is good 

 

Mother: thank goodness 

 

Baby: we should all hang out today 

 

Star Kick Ass: can we? I haven't been able to sleep at all 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: he really hasn't been able to 

 

simp: yeah I think he'll enjoy seeing y'all 

 

Baby Bro: we should 

 

Baby Bro: it's been eons 

 

Wine Uncle: we literally hung out yesterday 

 

Baby Bro: E O N S 

 

Mother: it's decided someone warn the main chat

 

Baby Bro: I'll take one for the team 

 

Baby Bro: I'm assuming Natsu's? 

 

Crazy Cousin: yeah 

 

simp: ye 

 

Baby Bro: bet 

 

________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Thot supreme: we are hanging out at Natsu's today so show up or die 

 

Snake: violent but alright 

 

Smol: it's at 12pm so please don't just show up now 

 

The Good One: why can't I? 

 

Smol: you are excused everyone else can perish 

 

HURTfila: rude 

 

HURTfila: y'all good if I drag Levy? 

 

Gay Bottom: yeah she's nice 

 

Smol: can I take ever??? 

 

Thot supreme: yes and yes. I need to adopt ever anyways 

 

Airport Securities Menace: ah levy hasn't met Laxus yet 

 

The Drunk Relative: should I be scared 

 

HURTfila: yeah 

 

The Drunk Relative: please don't let her skin me 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I would never 

 

Grays Bitch: I'm in the worst mood today so don't even talk to me bc I might be snippy and I'd rather n o t be snippy 

 

Thot supreme: that's fine baby you can sit on my lap 

 

Grays Bitch: wow my day is going so much better 

 

simp: gay bitch 

 

Grays Bitch: I'm grays bitch actually you fucking whore 

 

________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

HURTfila added Worm. 

 

HURTfila: welcome to hell 

 

Worm: wow thanks such a warm welcome 

 

Smol added sparkle. 

 

Smol: was that a fucking pun 

 

Snake: your rights hand them over 

 

Eye See: puns are illegal 

 

Worm: coward 

 

Worm: which one of you is Laxus 

 

The Drunk Relative: hello 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you aren't allowed to kill him I love him 

 

Worm: fine he will live 

 

Worm: hello Laxus Drayer. 

 

The Drunk Relative: yes that's my last name. 

 

The Drunk Relative: congratulations. 

 

Worm: mean 

 

The Drunk Relative: I was congratulating you? How is that mean? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: babe it can read has sarcasm

 

The Drunk Relative: oh sorry 

 

Worm: why is he so pure 

 

Thot™: Laxus you socially stunted man 

 

The Drunk Relative: bitch 

 

Snake: Laxus buddy- 

 

Gay Bottom: I cannot believe you don't know how to socialize 

 

The Brain Cell: yes you fucking can 

 

The Drunk Relative: alright meet me in the fucking pit 

 

Eye See: no 

 

Thot supreme: bet 

 

Snake: Gray no. 

 

Eye See: gray I swear to God 

 

Thot supreme: f I n e 



________________

 

Smol: you really just adopted her in under twenty five minutes what the fuck 

 

The Good One: he has that effect 

 

Snake: I'm not surprised it took him only 25 minutes I'm shocked it took that long 

 

Airport Securities Menace: do I have a sister now 

 

Thot supreme: yes 

 

sparkle: hello 

 

Airport Securities Menace: hello 

 

Thot™: I'm dead that Natsu fucking swiped at erza like an angry cat 

 

HURTfila: he did say he's in a pissy mood 

 

Airport Securities Menace: he's only calm because he's curled up in grays lap 

 

Gay Bottom: yeah Natsu in a bad mood is a Natsu that is capable of murdering you and not feeling bad about it 

 

worm: I thought that was just normal Natsu??? 

 

sparkle: clearly it's not 

 

Smol: it isn't the only one who will ever live against Natsu in a bad mood is Gray 

 

Airport Securities Menace: it's because he's too gay for him 

 

The Brain Cell: gray pouts even slightly and Natsu's wrapped around his finger 

 

worm: o h 

 

Snake: that's accurate 

 

The Good One: gray pouted to get another cat and it worked 

 

worm: another cat? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: he has Frost, Rage, Opal and now Mr Whiskers 

 

sparkle: do you have a cat here 

 

Thot™: yes two actually lector and happy. Lector is on stings shoulder but happy would love to let you pet him 

 

sparkle: where 

 

Airport Securities Menace: hold on lemme get him 

 

________________

 

Thot supreme: I'm so proud my child is a cat person 

 

Smol: she loves cats 

 

Grays Bitch: I am now a father of two I love my children 

 

Airport Securities Menace: b l e h 

 

sparkle: love you too dad 

 

Thot supreme: Gajeel 

 

Airport Securities Menace: f I ne love you too 

 

Grays Bitch: I'm crying 

 

Grays Bitch: I've been blessed he actually said it 

 

Thot™: why are you crying 

 

Thot supreme: because it's a milestone in their relationship 

 

sparkle: yes because Gajeel is emotionally constipated 

 

The Good One: I like my new sister 

 

Eye See: I'm glad you do Wendy 

 

sparkle: I also like my new sister 

 

________________

 

DM 

 

Smol: how right was I 

 

sparkle: shut your mouth 

 

Smol: LMAO COMPLETELY RIGHT 

 

sparkle: I hate you 

 

Smol: no 

 

sparkle: ;( 

 

Smol: he gets you doesn't he? 

 

sparkle: yes and it feels nice 

 

sparkle: thank you for introducing us 

 

Smol: np he just reminded me of you so badly then I realized he could potentially help you big time 

 

sparkle: never say big time near me ever again 

 

________________

 

DM 

 

worm: your friends are all so nice??? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: yeah they are 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I don't know how I managed to again these heathens 

 

worm: I've never been more welcomed somewhere and included 

 

worm: what the fuck 

 

Airport Securities Menace: they have that effect 

 

worm: I'm- 

 

worm: they are just all a group of angels what the fuck 

 

Airport Securities Menace: well I mean you aren't wrong 

 

worm: I accidentally called Lucy a bitch in front of them and no one got mad 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you watched Gray yell slut at Jellal who was twerking on sting halfway across the room 

 

Airport Securities Menace: curse words and insults are a form of affection at this point 

 

worm: that's amazing 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you are welcome to hang out with us again if you want 

 

Airport Securities Menace: everyone likes you so there's no problem with that 

 

worm: thank you I'd really like that 

 

worm: I just don't have many friends??? Other than you and Lucy

 

worm: It makes me happy??? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: yeah don't worry they will all insist on being friends 

 

worm: ahhhhhh 







Notes:

Thank you for reading!

Srry to remind you Levy has four close friends but like gonna fuckin fix that shit.

Chapter 13: Lyon is a bitch boy

Summary:

" please no. "

" I'm gonna fucking do it. "

Notes:

Okay this is basically a lyon & ultear introduction and roasting (they will come up again I promise and half of the jokes are memes.) Also there's uh non serious threats made bc overprotective family. Also I don't really know what happened here? I just started writing and I spaced the fuck out while doing it so take this. There's a lot of hcs and shit. Also disabled Jellal!!! Because fuck you disabled people are valid and so is Jellal. It's also a personal hc of mine that he can't walk all the time and needs a wheelchair for when his legs won't work.

Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)

Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- Baby

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs

Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issues

A bi & a pan walk into a bar

Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan

Accident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
Lucy

The gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- Smol
Levy- worm
Ever- sparkle

The siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira

Oh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

HURTfila: I'm gonna expose Natsu 

 

HURTfila: who's all here? 

 

Smol: me 

 

worm: me now 

 

sparkle: spill the tea 

 

Thot™: I live for exposing Natsu 

 

The Brain Cell: babe please

 

worm: let him have fun 

 

Thot™: yeah babe let me have fun 

 

Gay bottom: we support Jellal having fun in this house 

 

sparkle: I support it 

 

Snake: what are you exposing Natsu for? 

 

HURTfila: I am so glad you asked 

 

HURTfila: Arthur holding a simp hard directly into the camera with part of his head in view at the top right corner. The card reads simp card in bold at the top and a picture of Arthur is right under that off to the side. There is also a barcode with numbers on top.

 

Eye See: oh 

 

Snake: what the fuck

 

HURTfila: So Gray is doing some yoga pose where his legs are over his head and it's super cool but also slightly terrifying 

 

Gay bottom: does gray is bendy straw??? does is??? 

 

Eye See: yes gray is actually a contortionist 

 

The Drunk Relative: google tells me that's horrifying 

 

Eye See: it's disturbing whenever he does it 

 

HURTfila: what's a contortionist??? 

 

Smol: google says by definition a contortionist is an entertainer who twists and bends their body into strange and unnatural positions.

 

HURTfila: thank you freed 

 

The Drunk Relative: I am terrified 

 

Eye See: I should get him to do it in front of you all 

 

Thot™: I knew he was flexible because he can pole dance but goddamn 

 

Smol: he can WHAT 

 

sparkle: !!! finally someone who pole dances too!

 

Thot™: I also pole dance! We should do it together :) 

 

sparkle: yes I'd like that 

 

Eye See: you all are strong people 

 

The Drunk Relative: I'm always amazed because the amount of strength it takes 

 

sparkle: it is a good workout 

 

Airport Securities Menace: oh cool 

 

Thot™: I love all of you for not calling me a whore and a cheater immediately 

 

Gay bottom: who did that 

 

The Brain Cell: I just wanna talk :) 

 

Airport Securities Menace: pole dancing is just an activity you do for fun tho 

 

Thot™: exactly 

 

Thot™: I am not dancing for anyone other than myself 

 

HURTfila: I asked gray to show me his contortionist magic and I will have nightmares 

 

Thot supreme: stop being dramatic it wasn't even anything cool 

 

Eye See: ah 

 

HURTfila: it was horrifying you wacky inflatable tube man 

 

Airport Securities Menace: it is not 

 

Airport Securities Menace: it's fun to draw him when he does it 

 

Thot supreme: see Gajeel gets me 

 

_________________

 

Accident Prone Bitches 

 

Gray: h e y 

 

Lucy: Jfc gray 

 

Erza: I left you alone for FIVE MINUTES 

 

Gray: it wasn't my fault tho 

 

Lucy: sure Jan 

 

Natsu: what did you do now 

 

Gray: ;( 

 

Erza: gray I swear 

 

Gray: fine bitch 

 

Gray: so I was sitting there being calm and civil and I was not starting shit I was on my phone 

 

Gray: and this Motherfucker Comes Up To Me 

 

Erza: I already hate this 

 

Gray: tries to tell me I'm not allowed to fucking sit and then SOMEHOW this Motherfucker Knows Juvia so of course they start screaming at me and saying " oh if you would quit leading her on " and shit 

 

Natsu: I swear to FUCK 

 

Lucy: fucking EW 

 

Gray: like first off I have A Boyfriend. I Don't Like Her. I've told her that to her face. She's also legally not allowed to be within thirty feet of me or else she gets arrested so 

 

Lucy: oh my god 

 

Erza: i- 

 

Natsu: Jfc how badly did you fuck them up 

 

Gray: it was self defense actually 

 

Gray: so like at some point between me being snarky and them being upset they whip out a knife on me so I break their fucking wrist and kick them into a few tables 

 

Gray: the cops are here and they are trying to arrest me which is rude 

 

Gray: I didn't do SHIT but no one wants to listen to the trans man 

 

Erza: I'm already here hold the fuck up 

 

_________________

 

Lucy: I've arrived and seeing Erza murdering some cops verbally is great 

 

Natsu: it's what they deserve 

 

Gray: it rlly fuckin is 

 

Natsu: if only they would actually be decent 

 

Lucy: fuckin rt 

 

Gray: massive rt 

 

_________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Authority issues: yo bitch why aren't you answering ur phone 

 

Fight the man: wym I don't have any call notifications??? 

 

Authority issues: did your dad block me again 

 

Fight the man: gdi if he fucking did I swear 

 

Authority issues: I can't stand that man 

 

Fight the man: me and you both bitch 

 

Fight the man: imagine him being a competent parent 

 

Authority issues: careful you might break reality with that much bullshit 

 

Fight the man: yeah anyways can I stay w/ you and erza this week 

 

Authority issues: ofc bitch 

 

Fight the man: bless I literally am losing my goddamn mind 

 

Fight the man: he's being mad at me bc his company is being exposed for the illegal practices HE DID 

 

Authority issues: Jfc 

 

Fight the man: I know 

 

Authority issues: just get over here bc you do not need to be around that 

 

Fight the man: big bet 

 

_________________

 

Oh? Same Dad 

 

Natsu: y'all chill w/ the squad coming over? 

 

Natsu: Lucy's dad is being a bitch again 

 

Freed: of course we love lucy 

 

Igneel: it's fine with me 

 

Igneel: just ask the gremlins what they want from bubbles 

 

Natsu: bet I'll report back 

 

_________________

 

Natsu: okay so Laxus wants a 3 & a coke, Gajeel wants a 2 w/ lemonade, Wendy would like a 5 w/ sprite, Erza wants a 5 w/ dr p, Gray wants a 7 w/ fanta, Cobra wants a 6 w/ salt water (he needs more salt in his system), Lucy wants a 9 w/ a cherry pepsi, Levy wants a 3 & a grape soda, Sting wants a 8 w/ a Coke & Freed wants a 1 w/ a fanta (grape if they have it) and if they don't have the grape one then a Pepsi & ever wants a 4 w/ no bread (gluten allergy) and a Dr p 

 

Igneel: alright the app says it will be there in 26 min 

 

Natsu: bet 

_________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

The Good One: thanks for signing me out of school 

 

Eye See: ofc fuck school 

 

worm: erza no 

 

Snake: no she's right 

 

The Good One: she is 

 

Thot™: school fucking sucks 

 

Eye See: yes especially Wendy's middle school 

 

The Good One: specifically my middle school 

 

The Brain Cell: why the middle school? And before y'all come for me remember I didn't go to middle school here 

 

Snake: fuck you joined high school right? 

 

The Brain Cell: yeah 

 

The Good One: it's because it's ablest 

 

Thot™: god there's no RAMPS THERE 

 

Thot™: do you understand how fucking hard it is TO GET A WHEELCHAIR UP A FUCKING STAIRCASE 

 

Gay bottom: I hate that 

 

The Good One: imagine trying to figure out how to do math when you are dyslexic and you don't have any accommodations that are respected 

 

The Good One: because " it's all in your head " 

 

Grays Bitch: dyslexia literally changes the actual structure of your goddamn brain " it's all in your head " my fucking ASS 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I will fight that fucking school fuck what they say 

 

The Good One: I just want to go one day without failing math 

 

Thot supreme: remember that you try harder than any kid in that room & it's not your fault the school is shit 

 

Grays Bitch: can't we just home school her? 

 

Snake: bold of you to assume gray or erza have a laptop for that 

 

Airport Securities Menace: or the money 

 

Grays Bitch: they Do Now 

 

The Good One: p l e a s e 

 

Eye See: Natsu we can't ask you to do that 

 

Grays Bitch: good thing you aren't asking then 

 

The Good One: I'm going to cry 

 

Grays Bitch: she's being homeschooled and Laxus can help her with math 

 

The Drunk Relative: I'm what now 

 

Grays Bitch: you know how you can just comprehend math 

 

The Drunk Relative: ah yes I will teach Wendy math 

 

Grays Bitch: who's good at what 

 

Eye See: Grays a literal whiz at science he's been helping her for years 

 

Smol: I am very good at english 

 

worm: yes I am too 

 

Smol: duo teachers 

 

worm: bet 

 

Airport Securities Menace: What classes does she even have? She'll definitely have the core classes but what would she even take for homeschooling? 

 

Grays Bitch: Gray's getting her enrolled rn she'll start tomorrow but it's English, Science, History, Math. She's picking out electives from the list 

 

Eye See: let me pull her out of school 

 

Thot™: yes 

 

Airport Securities Menace: lemme write this shit down so we don't forget 

 

Airport Securities Menace: so English helpers are Freed & Levy? 

 

Smol: yes 

 

worm: We think I can read things out loud for her and then Freed can help her memorize the vocab and things like that 

 

Airport Securities Menace: bet 

 

Airport Securities Menace: And grays got science down? 

 

Grays Bitch: yes 

 

Airport Securities Menace: Laxus is helping with math 

 

The Drunk Relative: yeah 

 

Gay Bottom: I'll never understand how you comperhend math 

 

The Drunk Relative: it's bc I'm bi 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I can help w/ history 

 

HURTfila: What's your plan 

 

Snake: yeah share the plan 

 

Airport Securities Menace: so I have ADHD and Dyslexia so I have a lot of tricks and I like history 

 

Airport Securities Menace: it's a fixation for me but I used to do color coordinated vocab cards and my notes had a lot of color in them 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I also tended to record the lecture (I wasn't allowed to do this but I did it anyways) 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I also had two notebooks one for in class and the other was for out of class for when I could organize my notes and have clear handwriting because I'm not having to rush or keep up with the teacher 

 

The Good One: !!!! I didn't know you have dyslexia 

 

Airport Securities Menace: yuh Natsu has it too so does Rouge and Sting and Laxus 

 

The Drunk Relative: after so many years with it you truly just master how to deal with it 

 

Gay bottom: yeah 

 

The Brain Cell: yes definitely it's like having a pet the more time you have with them the more you know them 

 

The Good One: ah that makes sense 

 

_________________

 

DM 

 

Gray: So uh something just happened 

 

Erza: what is it? 

 

Gray: so you know lyon? My technically adoptive brother who blamed me for Ur? 

 

Erza: oh god 

 

Gray: he called me 

 

Gray: left a uh pretty fucked up voicemail 

 

Erza: fuck what did he say 

 

Gray: hold on I'll play it and let speech to text type this shit out 

 

Erza: fair enough 

 

Gray: " Hey Gray if this even still is your number. You know how Ur dying was your fault? That it was you who caused her to die? Remember when I said that? Well uh I was really wrong. Super wrong. I was a dumbass kid who didn't understand that cancer isn't something that's given to people and-sobs-I am really sorry. You didn't deserve that. I yelled at you when you were just as hurt as I was. It's not like either of us had anyone else but her at that time. But uh I'm sorry. You didn't deserve it. " 

 

Erza: shit 

 

Erza: well he finally realized he was wrong 

 

Erza: but why does that bother you 

 

Gray: I don't know 

 

Gray: it's fuck I don't I never thought he would understand that 

 

Gray: it hurts a little to know it took him this fucking long 

 

Erza: at least he reached that point 

 

Gray: yeah 

 

Erza: wanna watch a movie to feel better 

 

Gray: please 

 

_________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses  

 

Eye See: we are watching a movie because Gray is sad 

 

worm: that's valid does he have a preference 

 

Smol: I want to know what made him sad 

 

sparkle: and if I can punch it 

 

Eye See: we'll see bc he kinda still cares about them so hold off on the punching 

 

The Brain Cell: does gray wanna watch frozen? 

 

Eye See: he nodded 

 

The Brain Cell: lemme steal stings projector 

 

Grays Bitch: I have hot cocoa who wants some 

 

The Good One: me please 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I asked everyone and they all said yes so 

 

Grays Bitch: thank u child 

 

Airport Securities Menace: fuck off 

 

_________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

Gray- The Bi 

Natsu- The Pan 

 

The Bi: I'm ready to tell u 

 

The Pan: are you sure? 

 

The Bi: yeah 

 

The Bi: I uh so I was in the foster care system because you know why but I was fostered by a woman named Ur, she had a daughter already and another foster kid. So um when the cancer took Ur they both kinda blamed me and lyon the foster kid kinda screamed at me and Ultear (her daughter) kicked me out and I spent the entire time in the foster care system until I turned eighteen. 

 

The Bi: so it's kinda a touchy subject for me 

 

The Bi: because on one hand I'm mad at them for blaming me for Urs fucking cancer it's not like I can give people cancer it's not- 

 

The Pan: it wasn't your fault 

 

The Bi: yeah it wasn't. 

 

The Bi: after that I met Erza tho so 

 

The Bi: but I just I hate them kinda for doing that to me 

 

The Pan: you have a right to be angry 

 

The Bi: I just I thought we were a family I didn't expect to be just dropped 

 

The Pan: they are fucked for doing that. 

 

The Bi: yeah they are. 

 

_________________

 

Erza glances at the phone in Grays hand. The phone number is one she doesn't recognize but Gray's pained expression and teary eyes tells her everything. She grabs the device and clicks the answer button before it can dial out. 

 

" Hello? Who is this? " 

 

" You aren't Gray. " 

 

" No I'm not. But he doesn't want to talk to you right now. So who is this? " 

 

" Lyon. " 

 

" You son of a bitch. " 

 

" That's fair. " 

 

" I don't know why you think you have the right to call him. " 

 

" I just wasn't sure if he got my apology. " 

 

" He did. And quite frankly I wish he would just block you already. " 

 

" Fair enough. " 

 

" It's more than fair. As his family, I'm never going to let you be anywhere near him. " 

 

" Family? " 

 

" Yes. And I won't just blame him and throw him out. " 

 

" I severely fucked up there. That's pretty much what I did. " 

 

" Could you please tell Ultear I said she has one chance and if she messes up and hurts him I will not hesitate. " 

 

" Uh yeah sure I can. " 

 

" Gray is very loved and he has a wonderful family who would plot your death in a second. You ever hurt him again and I swear to you it will not be pretty. As of now he's still uncertain if he even wants to talk to you. And I hope he makes a decision that makes him happy. " 

 

" I hope he does too. I never want to hurt him again. " 

 

" That's good. You have one chance and I swear a hand to God if you hurt him ever I will hang you. Or maybe I'll just let his boyfriend set you on fire. Depends. " 

 

" He has a boyfriend? " 

 

" Yes he does and at least I know his boyfriend isn't a piece of shit. So goodbye Lyon and remember Gray's not defenseless against your bullshit anymore. " 

 

She hangs up and hands the phone back. " Erza that was unnecessary. '' Gray huffs, placing his phone back in his pocket. " You handed me the phone. " She retorts. 

 

_________________

 

DM 

 

Lyon: Uh someone answered and it wasn't Gray 

 

Ultear: oh? 

 

Lyon: she said she's gray's family 

 

Lyon: and apparently he has a boyfriend now 

 

Ultear: ah that's good! 

 

Lyon: yeah even if she threatened to hang me and let his boyfriend set me on fire 

 

Ultear: it is deserved through 

 

Lyon: yeah it is 

 

Ultear: I'm glad he has a family 

 

Lyon: I am too 

 

Lyon: I just hope he's happy. And safe. 

 

Ultear: I do too. 

 

Lyon: uh the lady also had a message for you? 

 

Ultear: what was it? 

 

Lyon: do you want word for word or summarizing? 

 

Ultear: word for word 

 

Lyon: " Could you please tell Ultear I said she has one chance and if she messes up and hurts him I will not hesitate. " 

 

Ultear: that's fair 

 

Lyon: yeah it's less graphic than what she told me 

 

Ultear: surprising 

 

Lyon: he apparently has a family that would plot my death so 

 

Ultear: protective that's good

 

Lyon: yeah I'm just glad he found them 

 

Lyon: it's not like we did him any favors 

 

Ultear: true we definitely did not. 

 

_________________

 

ChIcKeN nUgGeTs 

 

Authority issues: help I handed erza my phone because Lyon called me 

 

Authority issues: and she threatened to hang him 

 

Fight the man: hell yeah! 

 

Authority issues: no not hell yeah 

 

Fight the man: she's right she would hang him too 

 

Authority issues: don't remind me 

 

Fight the man: accept that you are loved you dumbass 

 

Authority issues: jsjdjdjd 

 

Authority issues: I know that but was the multiple threats upon his life really needed? 

 

Fight the man: yes 

 

_________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

HURTfila: say rt if you think Erza was right to make multiple threats on lyons life 

 

Smol: rt 

 

The Good One: rt 

 

worm: rt 

 

sparkle: rt 

 

Snake: rt 

 

The Brain Cell: rt 

 

Gay Bottom: rt 

 

Thot™: rt 

 

Airport Securities Menace: rt 

 

The Drunk Relative: rt 

 

Eye See: rt 

 

Grays Bitch: rt 

 

Thot supreme: you fuckers 

 

Eye See: my opinion is the only one that matters 

 

Grays Bitch: I especially liked when she said she might let me set him on fire 

 

Thot supreme: ba b e 

 

Thot™: he's right 

 

Gay bottom: the appeal of watching lyon run around on fire like a headless chicken sounds satisfying 

 

HURTfila: listen gray we love you and he deserves it 

 

Thot supreme: y'all fucking suck stop threatening to murder people 

 

worm: no 

 

Airport Securities Menace: coward 

 

Thot supreme: what did you just say to me 

 

Airport Securities Menace: dad ur a fucking coward 

 

Thot supreme: THATS FUCKING IT 

 

Eye See: are you fucking calling him 

 

worm: gray oh my god 

 

_________________

 

" Gray? "

 

" Listen here YOU FUCKING BITCH " 

 

" Whoo! Get his ass! " Gajeel calls loudly. 

 

" Destroy him! " Jellal crackles from his wheelchair. 

 

" I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT! FUCKING TRY ME AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I WONT EVEN WAIT FOR MY SISTER TO FUCKING MURDER YOU. ILL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS MY GODDAMN SELF DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? " 

 

" Y-yes " 

 

" Lyon who's yelling? " 

 

" Uh Gray? He's um upset. " 

 

" He called you? " 

 

" ULTEAR YOU FUCKING BITCH! " 

 

" Hello Gray. " 

 

" I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS TOO I DONT GIVE A FUCK THAT YOU ARE A GIRL. " 

 

" Ah I would be offended if you did. " 

 

" I swear to fuck the both of you, if you test me I will fucking break both of your skulls in. Now Lyon quit fucking calling me at Three Am crying you bitch boy. " 

 

" I'm not a bitch boy! " 

 

" You fucking are. Mr ' Waaaahhhhh I'm upset I fucked up so I'm gonna call the person I hurt at three in the fucking morning. ' Whine at me again and I'll kick you through a wall. " 

 

" I wasn't whining! I was apologizing! " 

 

Natsu yells from his spot next to Gray. " At three in the fucking morning?! Bitch I was sleeping! I was having a peaceful fucking dream! " 

 

" Oh I'm sorry gray's boyfriend. " 

 

" Oh so you are sorry to him but not fucking me?! I have a sob instagram story sitting in my fucking voice mail! " 

 

" Roast his ass Gray! " Lucy cheers. 

 

" How many people are even listening to this?! " 

 

" Around five. Well more than five. "

 

" Lyons' new name is Bitch Boy. '' Rouge monotones with a shit eating grin. 

 

" Please no. " 

 

" They are certainly funny. " 

 

" Ultear please. " 

 

" What bitch boy? You can't take shit talk? God I can't imagine what a wimp you are. " 

 

" He's probably a fucking twink too. " Laxus jokes, Lucy dies from laughter in her chair. 

 

" With a whiney fucking voice like that? " Gajeel raises an eyebrow at his boyfriend, " He probably weighs like 90 pounds. " 

 

Jellal wheezes loudly. " Holy shit he's like those pastel twinks. " The comment sends Gray into a fit of laughter.

 

" I am not a twink! " 

 

" Then quit sounding like one bitch boy! " Sting calls, making everyone roar with laughter. " I can't breathe! " Erza gasps, leaning against his side. 

 

" Oh my god babe if you don't put his name as bitch boy in your contacts I will fight. " Gray blinks down at Natsu. " Bold of you to assume you'd win. But bet. " 

 

" Gray please don't make that my contact name. " 

 

Gray raises an eyebrow. " Then stop being a bitch boy. " Lyon groans loudly from the other side of the line. Erza snorts grabbing Gray's phone after he's done making Lyon's contact name Bitch Boy. " Hello. " She says into the speaker. 

 

Immediately there's a thud and a yelp. 

 

" Oh god. " 

 

" Yes I know I'm terrifying. Don't feel bad about pissing your pants. " 

 

Gray is sent into another fit of laughter with Natsu. " It's true though she's scary has fuck. '' Lucy comments grinning. " Oh definitely, she's terrifying because you just know she can back up what she says. " Jellal nods solemnly with Laxus' statement. Natsu snickers. 

 

" Oh wait is that the asshole that hurt my brother? " Wendy appears from the stairs, head tilted. Erza nods. " Can I speak to him? " 

 

" Sure. " Erza hands the phone over. 

 

" Lyon Vastia I will find you and I will wave your decapitated head in front of your weeping sister if you dare hurt my brother again. " Erza muffles her laughter in her hand. Gajeel looks ridiculously proud while Sting fake wipes away a tear. Jellal catches his eyes and mouths we taught her well. 

 

" Please don't do that. " 

 

" Where's Ultear? " Freed muffles his laughter behind his hand. 

 

" I can get her for you. " Gray can hear the fear in his voice. He grins. Good. 

 

" Please do. " Wendy looks murderous. 

 

" Hello? " 

 

" Ultear Milkovich. " The evil grin on Lucy's face matches Erza's. 

 

" How do you know my name? " 

 

" The moment you try to treat Gray like you did when Ur died I will make sure you end up buried right next to her. I don't care if I have to kill you first or if I just choose to bury you alive. Just know your days are numbered the moment you hurt him. " 

 

Gajeel slaps a hand over his mouth to stop his laughter. Laxus pats his shoulder. Ever shakes her head at all of them but she's smiling. 

 

" Okay. " 

 

" I'm glad we could come to this understanding. " They hang up immediately afterwards. 

 

_________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Thot supreme: we definitely traumatized them 

 

sparkle: wild almost seems as if karma exists 

 

Snake: yes 

 

Smol: I can't believe Wendy threatened to wave a man's decapitated head on a stick 

 

The Good One: it was deserved 

 

worm: y'all are wild but it's great 

 

Thot supreme: I told you you would fit in dumby 

 

HURTfila: I also told her that 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I did too 

 

worm: sjjdjdjd 

 

Thot™: what did we even do without levy honestly 

 

Eye See: who knows 

 

The Drunk Relative: she's very small and it scares me 

 

Airport Securities Menace: me too 

 

worm: i- 

 

Thot supreme: god mood like just anyone can snatch her? And if does not make me feel better 

 

HURTfila: You also feel that way abt me tho 

 

Grays Bitch: remember when that guy picked you up randomly and I had to beat his ass for it? 

 

HURTfila: fuck 

 

worm: sjdjjdkd oh my god I get it I'm short and tiny 

 

Airport Securities Menace: you aren't allowed to go out in public by yourself 

 

worm: I am a grown ass woman 

 

HURTfila: yeah let her do what she wants 

 

Gay bottom: no 

 

Thot supreme: levy and you are the shortest here and it's a crime 

 

worm: what abt Wendy then 

 

The Good One: I never go anywhere by myself because I am twelve 

 

Eye See: exactly 

 

The Good One: I also have Anxiety 

 

Snake: she's also taller than you are 

 

Thot supreme: she's also my sister so like fuck I'm gonna let her go anywhere by herself 

 

sparkle: and in this town? You want a twelve year old girl to go out by herself? How many men hit on you everytime you walk outside 

 

Eye See: exactly this is why we go in pairs or not at all 

 

HURTfila: that's actually fair 

 

worm: I can't even argue because a man backed off from flirting with me when he learned I'm twenty 

 

The Good One: I don't like going by myself anywhere because of this 

 

Eye See: I understand 

 

The Brain Cell: why do you think we walk to classes together Lucy 

 

HURTfila: i- 

 

The Brain Cell: I swear 

 

Gay bottom: hon- 

 

Thot supreme: I literally pick you & Levy up from fucking classes 

 

sparkle: father I have a question 

 

Thot supreme: yes? 

 

sparkle: can you please pick me up from classes on Wednesdays and Tuesdays?

 

Thot supreme: of course 

 

Thot supreme: do you go to the college close to here or the one that's purple 

 

sparkle: the close one 

 

worm: we just meet up at the front of the school 

 

HURTfila: What's your last class those days? 

 

sparkle: It's E-25 and it ends at 2 

 

Thot supreme: nice y'all's classes end at 2 

 

worm: that's actually right by my class!!! wait outside for me and we'll go and get Lucy together 

 

sparkle: okay 

 

Eye See: why do you only need a ride those two days? 

 

sparkle: my friend usually picks me up but he has work those days 

 

Smol: ah right Bixlow has that new schedule now 

 

sparkle: yeah 

 

Thot supreme: bixlow like the dude who refuses to wear his fuckin glasses 

 

Smol: yeah he's our friend 

 

Thot supreme: that Motherfucker 

 

The Drunk Relative: hey he's my idiot don't be mean 

 

Thot supreme: I'm fully allowed to be salty because he cryptically told me it was weird I had so many children and then refused to fucking say how he knows the exact number 

 

sparkle: sjdjkdkd that sounds exactly like him 

 

The Drunk Relative: you know what carry on 

 

Airport Securities Menace: bixlow is a fucking trip

 

Grays Bitch: he really is we need to add his ass 

 

Thot supreme: bet when it's not like 2am 

 

The Brain Cell: why do none of us sleep 

 

Snake: the trauma 

 

Notes:

Thanks for reading. And yes it was longer than usual. Like 4380 words????

Chapter 14: Gray is officially titled the mean one of the group of assholes

Summary:

That's it. That's all that fucking happens.

Notes:

Hello so nothing triggering but like stories of Jellal, Natsu and Gray being mean is definitely shared but I don't think it's triggering. Tell me if you want me to put a tag or something!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Trans household 

 

Crazy Cousin: listen up a ten is speaking 

 

Baby Bro: you mean a child 

 

Crazy Cousin: what did I Fucking Say 

 

Star Kick Ass: the whore is sorry 

 

Baby: continue rufus 

 

Crazy Cousin: thank you 

 

Wine Uncle: … 

 

Crazy Cousin: so you guys know that lit has fuck bakery we all usually go to in the morning? 

 

Second child: yes? Did something happen to it 

 

Crazy Cousin: no something happened near it but anyways 

 

Crazy Cousin: I was walking back from it on my way to Minerva's w/ food bc that's how it be and this BITCH 

 

Crazy Cousin: so she's like maybe 6ft tall and I may be 5'7 but that will not stop me 

 

Crazy Cousin: so she just YELLS YOU LOOK LIKE A BOOTLEG ELF AND IM SO OFFENDED 

 

Baby Bro: hahaha get fucking REKTED 

 

Mother: like legolas? 

 

Crazy Cousin: YES

 

Wine Uncle: I hate to say it but I see it 

 

Crazy Cousin: you will be the first to die 

 

Star Kick Ass: I can't breathe 

 

The Only Cis Allowed: can confirm he's just wheezing on the floor 

 

Star Kick Ass: fuck you I like the floor 

 

simp: why are y'all ignoring me 

 

simp: OH HOLY SHIT 

 

Second child: I thought rufus died and I would have held onto that until I saw him at the fuckin store 

 

Crazy Cousin: that's fair Actually 

 

Mother: you are offline more than half the time rufus 

 

Baby Bro: yeah asshole talk more 

 

Crazy Cousin: I'm literally in a call w/ you and erza rn I will hang the fuck up 

 

Baby Bro: don't you dare I'm still talking shit 

 

Crazy Cousin: f I n e 

 

_______________________

 

A bi & a pan walk into a bar 

 

The Bi: consider that barry b benson would never 

 

The Pan: the bastard sued all of humanity he fucking would 

 

The Bi: everyone has a chaotic side 

 

The Pan: his was lying to gain girls 

 

The Bi: you have a point 

 

The Pan: yes anyways do you want cookies love? 

 

The Bi: sjjdjdjdjd YES 

 

_______________________

 

The Pan: babe my asscheeks are too thicc for that 

 

The Bi: no they aren't 

 

The Pan: YES THEY ARE 

 

The Bi: BULLSHIT 

 

_______________________

 

The gays + the dumbasses 

 

Grays Bitch: YES GRAY MY ASSCHEEKS ARE TOO THICC 

 

Smol: what the literal fuck did I just read 

 

Eye See: what conversations are you two having 

 

Thot supreme: listen we were talking abt sneaking around town and Natsu said the clap of his asscheeks would wake the town up 

 

Snake: that doesn't help my eyes unsee it 

 

The Brain Cell: Natsu's been quiet 

 

Thot supreme: he's crying in our chat 

 

Grays Bitch: babe I sent that IN THE SAME CHAT WENDY IS IN 

 

Gay Bottom: rest in pieces 

 

Eye See: I love that Rouge and Sting and Jellal only add to conversations after one of them has said something 

 

Thot™: wow just snatch my weave 

 

Gay Bottom: erza just exposing us like she doesn't go into Jellal's job and kiss her girlfriend repeatdly 

 

Eye See: Fuck You Mira Is Beautiful 

 

Thot™: she is but like hon 

 

Eye See: fuck you 

 

HURTfila: I've watched you and sting kiss rouge before each berry you fed him 

 

HURTfila: in public 

 

HURTfila: in the middle of a crowded restaurant 

 

The Brain Cell: I'm just going to shut the fuck up now 

 

Thot supreme: and you made out with both of them right in front of an entire group of people you kinky bitch 

 

Gay Bottom: Wow Fuck You 

 

_______________________

 

Airport Securities Menace: I have a question 

 

sparkle: yes what is it 

 

Airport Securities Menace: so who's the meanest out of all of us 

 

Airport Securities Menace: all of us are assholes but I wanna know who's the most asshole 

 

Gay Bottom: it's not me 

 

sparkle: or me I don't get too mean 

 

worm: it's definitely not me I hate arguments 

 

Snake: it's definitely a tie between Natsu and Gray. 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I can see that 

 

Snake: I'm not kidding Natsu has a fucking mouth on him 

 

Grays Bitch: why y'all talking shit 

 

Airport Securities Menace: are you an asshole 

 

Grays Bitch: depends 

 

Eye See: normally I would agree with you but we are all forgetting Jellal 

 

Snake: so it's a tie between those three? 

 

Eye See: yes 

 

Eye See: the rest of us will get mean but those three always get worse than mean they go to the extreme to beat your ass 

 

Grays Bitch: wow 

 

Thot supreme: I dedicate my life to the gay and this is the thanks I get? 

 

Thot™: damn fuck you erza 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I need examples tho maybe we can find out who's the meanest of the three 

 

HURTfila: I've watched Gray take a girls drink and dump it over her head then he laughed and hit her in the head with the cup 

 

Eye See: I've witnessed Gray make a grown man burst into tears by talking. Gray had roasted him into oblivion 

 

sparkle: not too long ago I saw Gray slam dunk someone into a trash can and say " now you are where you belong. " 

 

Snake: I've seen Natsu lose his shit and the first thing out of his mouth was: And where's your fucking mom? I gotta tell her she didn't give birth to a kid she sat on the toilet and took a shit 

 

The Drunk Relative: Natsu has said this with a straight face when we were joking around about Ticktok sounds: and what shoes she got on? In her casket? He recited the entire fucking thing without even glancing up from his phone 

 

The Brain Cell: I've watched Sting & Natsu do this, so like we were vibing in high school and someone was starting shit with Sting and I don't remember why but Sting says " You want me to wake up my best friend? " And they go " Wake him up. " So Sting turns and yells at Natsu: " Wake up best friend and beat their fucking asses. " And Natsu got up and immediately squared up no questions asked just decked the leader so hard he knocked over a desk 

 

Gay Bottom: once Jellal got into an argument with Cobra and immediately the first thing out of his mouth when he started to get mad was: Why are you fucking stupid? And got in his face yelling: Stupid fucking bitch! You don't even know what three times four is! You dropped out of fucking high school!  

 

worm: Jellal lost his shit with a group of guys during high school and he was yelling: THATS IT IM GONNA GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND FUCK YOUR MOM & immediately decked one of them 

 

The Good One: Once my teachers were being mean to me so Jellal rolls up and screams at them. He said; " Where's your fucking brain? Where is it? Is it fucking gone? Not surprised I've been here for five minutes and I already want to get as far as I can from you! " 

 

Airport Securities Menace: I can't decide 

 

HURTfila: I feel like Gray's scarier 

 

Eye See: Jellal is the meanest 

 

Eye See: didn't even hesitate to roast the fuck out of cobra 

 

Snake: that's true 

 

Thot™: I've been nothing but nice to you people 

 

Snake: BULLSHIT 

 

Thot supreme: I shouldn't be happy I got labeled has the most scary 

 

Thot supreme: Natsu's scarier than Jellal tho 

 

Thot™: that's fair enough 

 

Airport Securities Menace: so has a physical threat it's Natsu. Has a verbal threat it's Jellal. And for the combo it's Gray. 

 

Eye See: seems about right 

 

worm: yeah 

 

The Good One: that's accurate 

 

sparkle: doesn't that make Gray the meanest? 

 

Airport Securities Menace: fuck 

 

The Drunk Relative: once again gray superpasing everyone's expectations of how mean he is 

 

Thot supreme: damn fuck you guys 

 

Grays Bitch: love you just called Lucy to tell them to die. 

 

Thot supreme: Shut Ur Up. 

Notes:

Thank you for reading

Notes:

Thanks for reading & don't worry this is going to continue!