Chapter Text
Trans Globe
The Gremlin added Gray Fullbuster.
The Only Cis Allowed: Why Sting?
Crazy Cousin: Another stolen child?
Gray Fullbuster: What the fuck Sting
The Gremlin: It was necessary! Besides we have a baby Trans here!!!
Gray Fullbuster: ..
Star Kick Ass: Hello Gray. Welcome to hell.
Gray Fullbuster: I'm going to fucking kill him.
The Gremlin: :0
The Only Cis Allowed: No. Don't kill him.
Gray Fullbuster: Why?
The Only Cis Allowed: She will actually murder you.
Mother changed Gray Fullbuster's name.
Mother: Welcome.
The Only Cis Allowed: Oh god
Baby Bro: ERZA
Mother: You recognized me!
Baby Bro: You are the only one that calls me this.
The Only Cis Allowed: Oh so you know Erza?
The Gremlin: I'm,,,
Baby Bro: Yeah I grew up with her
Mother: You are leaving out the fact that we live together Gray
Baby Bro: How is that relevant?
Star Kick Ass: How are you alive?
Baby Bro: I'm already dead Inside
Mother: Gray we talked about this
Baby Bro: Nope don't remember
Wine Uncle: Why the fuck is Gray here?
Baby Bro: Shut it Laxus
Mother: Yeah shut it Laxus
Wine Uncle: I will murder you both
Baby Bro: Please? Put me out of my misery
Star Kick Ass: …
Star Kick Ass: I like him.
Mother: Don't encourage him
The Gremlin: Maybe he can make you all come out of hiding and actually talk
The Only Cis Allowed: Not a fucking chance
The Gremlin: :(
Baby Bro: Lmao BYE Weirdos I gotta go b4 my best friend kills me
Mother: Bye Have Fun!
Baby Bro: I'm going to strangle you.
Wine Uncle: How.
The Gremlin: He said he was trans after I asked him about the pride pin on his bag & I had to add him here.
Crazy Cousin: I still don't know why Rogue is here
The Only Cis Allowed: Because Sting can't be in a gc without me apparently.
The Gremlin: Hey!
____________________________________
Trans Globe
Mother: @Baby Bro Are you alive?
The Only Cis Allowed: What happened?
Mother: I saw him do a backflip off a wall. Maybe I should ask Lucy.
Wine Uncle: Who's Lucy?
Mother: The Blond.
Wine Uncle: Oh.
____________________________________
Trans Globe
The Only Cis Allowed: @Mother Is he alive?
Mother: Yes surprisingly.
The Only Cis Allowed: Thank fuck
The Gremlin: Language
The Only Cis Allowed: Bitch you curse worse than I do
Mother: Sting you have no rights
The Gremlin: No!
Mother: Yes. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
The Gremlin: ;(
____________________________________
The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards
Wine Uncle: Whom.
The Gremlin: Gray.
Wine Uncle: Thank you.
____________________________________
The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards
Baby Bro: Sting you fucking SNITCH
The Gremlin: :)
Baby Bro: No fuckin perish
The Gremlin: :0
The Gremlin: >:0
____________________________________
The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards
Crazy Cousin shared a video.
[Video is set in a well lit room, Rufus' back is facing the camera. The room is filled with people with a circle cleared where Rufus is standing. The footage is shakey has it catches Rufus punching a person in front of him. There's a loud yell of " Trans Rights " before the video cuts out.]
Crazy Cousin: Transphobes aren't allowed.
The Only Cis Allowed: You better of not hurt your hand again.
Mother: I'm so proud
Wine Uncle: Good job
Baby Bro: …
Baby Bro: Oh so when Rufus punches a transphobe it's " I'm so proud " but when I do it it's " Gray be more careful! " " Stop getting into fights! "
Mother: Because you fight men 10x your size
Baby Bro: And I fucking win
Wine Uncle: He has a point
Crazy Cousin: We should punch transphobes together
Baby Bro: Yes.
____________________________________
The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards
The Gremlin: I can't believe that it's been a month since I've adopted Gray
Crazy Cousin: Surprise adoption
Mother: Kidnapping
The Only Cis Allowed: None of those things!
Mother: Party pooper
The Only Cis Allowed: Did you take your meds
Mother: No
The Only Cis Allowed: Go take them before I get Gray
Mother: ….
Mother: No
The Only Cis Allowed: @Baby Bro
Baby Bro: Erza.
Mother: Fine.
Baby Bro: That's what I fucking thought dumb bitch
Mother: Cuddles?
Baby Bro: After you take your meds.
Mother: Okay
____________________________________
The clap of my ass cheeks keep alerting the guards
Baby Bro: Erzas user is a lie she's a disaster
Mother: You have to be put down
Baby Bro: N o p e
The Gremlin: But I like him
Mother: Friendship?
The Gremlin: Yes because I would ever date Gray
Baby Bro: I hope the fuck you wouldn't
The Gremlin: big mood
Mother: Good.
Chapter 2: Natsu Dragneel? You mean: Chronic dumbassary?
Summary:
Natsu appears. Him & Sting are brothers.
Notes:
Yo small tw for Jellal having a panic attack & needing Erza to get him out of public (it's right @ the beginning)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Trans Globe
Star Kick Ass: Can someone find me? Please?
Mother: What's wrong? Where are you?
Star Kick Ass: Plaza. Hurry I can't stop shaking.
Mother: I'm on my way Jellal.
Baby Bro: Is he gonna be okay?
Wine Uncle: Yeah Jellal just has episodes sometimes
The Only Cis Allowed: Yeah he tends to deal with things differently than any of us
Baby Bro: Okay
____________________________________
Trans Globe
Baby Bro: Hi I would die for Jellal
Star Kick Ass: Gray No!
Baby Bro: Gray Yes.
Wine Uncle: @Mother
Mother: Gray No.
Baby Bro: …
The Gremlin: is he actually gonna,,
Baby Bro: Gray No.
Mother: Good.
____________________________________
Trans Globe
Baby Bro: Which one of you fucks changed the chat name back?
The Only Cis Allowed: Laxus pressured me.
Baby Bro: I see.
____________________________________
In this household we are trans
The Gremlin: I'm not complaining about this new chat name
The Gremlin: I am however here to complain about Minerva who's a fucking tratior
The Gremlin: So Minerva is my best friend besides Rouge and she's a tratior for blue shelling me in mario kart ON RAINBOW ROAD.
Baby Bro: I dunno sounds like you deserved it
The Gremlin: I did not!
Baby Bro: Bullshit
The Gremlin: I know where you sleep
Baby Bro: You don't know where me & Erza live
The Gremlin: …
The Gremlin: I can find out
Baby Bro: With what brain cells?
The Gremlin: RUDE
____________________________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: I'm just saying maybe you should give him a shot
Authority issues: No.
Fight the man: Will you consider meeting up with him at Pride? It gives you time.
Authority issues: This is gonna go poorly I already know it
Fight the man: Gray stop being a downer
Fight the man: He's a super nice guy
Authority issues: You said that about the last guy
Authority issues: Who was outright transphobic
Fight the man: It wasn't my finest hour
Authority issues: It's never your finest hour
Fight the man: Rude
Fight the man: At least consider it
Authority issues: No.
Fight the man: If you seriously don't want to I will tell him you don't want to
Authority issues: Do it. I don't want to and not because I don't trust you, but I don't trust him.
Fight the man: That's fair
Authority issues: Yeah I just I can't
Fight the man: That's okay Gray you don't have to explain yourself to me
Fight the man: I get it
Authority issues: Thanks
Fight the man: No problem
Fight the man: Wanna come over?
Authority issues: Yeah sure
Authority issues: Should be over in 5
Fight the man: Just hurry before I eat all the cookies
Authority issues: You fucking wouldn't
Fight the man: I would
Authority issues: Bitch
____________________________________
In this household we are trans
Baby Bro: @Mother I'm going to Lucy's
Mother: Okay be safe have fun
Star Kick Ass: Don't do drugs
Crazy Cousin: Fistfight someone on your way over
Wine Uncle: Do better & murder them
The Only Cis Allowed: No. Have fun Gray.
The Gremlin: Don't kiss her while you are over there :p
Baby Bro: Fucking Disgusting
The Gremlin: :0
The Gremlin: Alright you gay bitch
Baby Bro: Fuck Off Factory Reject Dildo
Wine Uncle changed The Gremlin's name.
Factory reject dildo: I-
____________________________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: Yo this boy is cute
Fight the man shared an image.
[The camera is peaking over the edge of a book facing a boy that's stretching in what appears to be a park. The boy is in a cutoff sleeve shirt & shorts. His wild pink hair is in clear view of the camera while everything else is blurry.]
Authority issues: If only you could actually take pictures
Fight the man: Shut up
Authority issues: All jokes aside he is cute
Fight the man: Yeah he's definitely built too
Authority issues: Wack
Fight the man: Poggers
Authority issues: No
Fight the man: Coward
Authority issues: Shut the fuck up
____________________________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Authority issues: Hello??? Dumb bitch are you okay????
Authority issues: Dude
Authority issues: I can see the read notification you asshole
Fight the man: LISTEN OKAY HE ACTUALLY CAME OVER & ASKED ME WHY THE HELL I TOOK A PICTURE OF HIM
Fight the man: He is totally your type. He even has piercings & a bad boy attitude.
Authority issues: And let me guess? You fessed up awkwardly
Fight the man: WELL YEAH
Authority issues: Dumbass
Fight the man: Are you free to come to the park tho?????
Authority issues: Turn around dumbass
____________________________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Authority issues: I hate you.
Fight the man: You love me.
____________________________________
In this household we are trans
Baby Bro: So I have a guys number
The Gremlin: Whom
Wine Uncle: What's his social security?
Mother: And address.
Star Kick Ass: Also his daily schedule.
Baby Bro: No.
Mother: Yes
Star Kick Ass: I will murder him for he even thinks about hurting you
Baby Bro: You can do that later for now let me fucking gay panic
The Gremlin: Again: WHOM
The Only Cis Allowed: 1) No to all of you wanting to murder.
Crazy Cousin: :(
The Only Cis Allowed: 2) Give his name.
The Gremlin: he said his name is Natsu Dragneel?
The Gremlin: O H
The Only Cis Allowed: oh
Baby Bro: You two know him
The Gremlin: He's my brother but go off I guess
Baby Bro: I regret my decision I'm leaving
Mother: No you aren't
Baby Bro: h
The Gremlin: No like I 100% approve but I would punch him if he hurt you ever but I seriously doubt he would.
Mother: That's good news
Star Kick Ass: Can we meet him? I just wanna judge for myself :)
The Gremlin: Hold up let me ask him & interrogate
The Gremlin: Because we are not pressuring Gray
____________________________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Bi: Run Sting is going to question you
The Pan: FUCKING HELL
____________________________________
In this household we are trans
The Gremlin: hEy gray wanna explain why my trust is now broken?
Baby Bro: I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me
Mother: You warned Natsu
Baby Bro: Yes
Mother: Good job you backstabbing bitch
Baby Bro: Thank you
The Only Cis Allowed shared an image.
[The angle is wonky but you can clearly see a man with pink hair cowering in a tall tree.]
The Only Cis Allowed: @The Gremlin
The Gremlin: THANKS
Baby Bro: dude,,,
The Only Cis Allowed: Natsu ate my fucking poptarts
____________________________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Pan: Call rouge a bitch for me & leave flower @ my grave
The Bi: Got it
____________________________________
In this household we are trans
Baby Bro: @The Only Cis Allowed Natsu says you are a bitch
The Only Cis Allowed: Fucking ASSHOLE
Notes:
Thanks hoes
Chapter 3: IM HERE FOR A GOOD TIME NOT A LONG TIME
Summary:
Short memes
Notes:
Hello I'm fucking depressed
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick AssChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
In this house we are trans
Baby Bro: Sting I'm going to fucking skin you
The Gremlin: No
The Only Cis Allowed: Yes just shut up about your crush already
The Gremlin: No
Baby Bro: I will call him
The Gremlin: :0
The Gremlin: You wouldn't you fucking bitch
Baby Bro: Guess I'm making a call
The Only Cis Allowed: I'll hold him back
Baby Bro: Thank you
____________________________________
In this house we are trans
Wine Uncle: What was the number you called to deal with Sting because I need to know
Baby Bro shared a contact with Wine Uncle.
Wine Uncle: Thank you
Baby Bro: Np
____________________________________
In this house we are trans
Mother: I'm screaming
Mother: So me, Gray & Sting are hanging out and Sting starts talking about his crush
Mother: Gray just looks at him and says: shut the fuck up simp
Crazy Cousin: I am so proud
Wine Uncle: We taught him well
Mother: Yes we did
The Gremlin: You are hurtful
Baby Bro changed The Gremlin's name.
Simp: I-
Mother: GET REKTED
____________________________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Pan: I cannot believe,,
The Bi: Why?
The Pan: I can't understand how Gajeel can have friends???
The Bi: Dude it's not that far fetched
The Pan: Yes it is when you've seen the man grumble & snarl about seeing people
The Bi: He does that because he's emotionally constipated
The Pan: That's fair
The Bi: Yeah dumbass
The Bi: Oh yeah that reminds me.
The Pan: What are you doing?
The Bi: You'll see.
The Pan: [Gay Fear]
Notes:
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 4: Who's thirsty? Sting
Summary:
New chats happen & the gays and the bees arrive. (Gray is secretly a fucking sap)
Notes:
Hey let's just pretend I didn't fucking drop off the planet for a bit. I need stress relief that won't distract me from school so here we are
Anyways hope everyone is saying safe & let's get to the mess I spent too long on:
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick AssChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good OneThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Pan: I literally hate you
The Bi: That's not what you said last night coward
The Pan: SHUT UR UP
The Bi: You cuddled me and told me you love me so much you'd rather die than be without me you sappy bitch
The Pan: Why
The Bi: Because you are adorable when you blush
The Pan: SHUT IT
____________________________________
Hi mY nAmE iS yOuR mOm
Wine uncle: Gray Fullbuster.
Baby Bro: No
The Only Cis Allowed: Laxus don't kill him
Star Kick Ass: Is this what your character is used for? Memery?
The Only Cis Allowed: Absolutely you wrinkled pickle
Baby Bro: You've been spending too much time with Sting
The Only Cis Allowed: So?
Baby Bro: Gay
Mother: Gay
The Only Cis Allowed: Stop and maybe the demons of hell won't skin you
simp: gay
Star Kick Ass: gay
Wine Uncle: Gay
The Only Cis Allowed: Blocked and reported
The Only Cis Allowed: Also fuck you Sting
____________________________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: I'm just saying it would solve all of your problems instantly
Authority issues: Lucy murder is illegal
Fight the man: if you get caught
Authority issues: No.
____________________________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Bi: Lucy is trying to get me to commit murder again
The Pan: Tell her the gods are watching and they will remember her misdeeds
The Bi: Fucking bet
____________________________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Authority issues: The Gods are watching and they will remember your misdeeds against this world.
Fight the man: what the fuck? You even used capitalization? And a period?! I'm so proud
Authority issues: You stuffed your bra in the 8th grade shut the fuck up
Fight the man: HOW DARE YOU
Authority issues: Bet or I'll fucking tell.
Fight the man: …
Fight the man: fuck you
Authority issues: (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
____________________________________
Don't talk down to me young man
Mother: how do I get Gray to stop screeching like a demon?
The crazy cousin: Hit him
Wine Uncle: Try smothering it with a pillow
Mother: No
Simp: Natsu might know
Mother: Good idea! Surprisingly.
Simp: Hey!!!
____________________________________
Erza created a chat room.
Erza named the chat: The gays + the dumbasses
Erza changed Erza's name.
Eye See changed Gray's name.
Eye See changed Stings' name.
Eye See changed Rouge's name.
Eye See changed Natsu's name.
Eye See changed Laxus' name.
Eye See changed Cobra's name.
Eye See changed Jellal's name.
Eye See changed Gajeel's name.
Eye See changed Wendy's name.
Eye See: How do I get Gray to shut the fuck up?
Simp: You already asked this.
Eye See: I need an answer still you slut
Thot™: Erza what the fuck?
Eye See: Later Jellal.
The Drunk relative: Holy fuck
Simp: That's me!!!
The Brain Cell: Silence nothing about you is holy
Snake: Why am I here
Airport Securities Menace: Erza what the Absolute Fuck.
Eye See: Why is no one answering my fucking question?
Simp 2.0: He needs a weighted blanket and headphones. Preferably with the volume on 13 & his ' I'm fucking depressed ' playlist.
Eye See: Okay thank you Natsu
Simp 2.0: Np
Airport Securities Menace: Why is he here?!
Simp 2.0: Bitch we are related
Simp: Yeah Gajeel don't be mean
Thot supreme: I fucking hate you
Simp 2.0: You okay Baby?
Thot supreme: Yes you are the only one I love at the moment
The Good One: What's happening? Is everything okay?
Eye See: Don't worry sweetie!!!
Thot supreme: You named me this,,, named everyone else that & you ADDED FUCKING WENDY?!
Eye See: Ah I may of made a mistake
Thot supreme: YOU MAY HAVE?!
Eye See: I just wanted to include her!!!
Eye See: She hasn't met Natsu yet!
Simp 2.0: Erza I literally am in tears right now. You named me this and I'm just now meeting Wendy.
The Good One: It's okay Natsu! I'm sure you are more than Erza says you are!
Simp 2.0: Are you sure she's your sister?
Thot supreme: Yes
The Drunk relative: Are you serious?
Snake: I can't- She's genuinely your sister?
Eye See: Yes we get it me and Gray are bitches MOVING ON
The Brain Cell: I hate it here.
____________________________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot™: It's later and I'm fucking irritated.
Eye See: Let's call! It will be easier to explain!
Thot™: Bet
____________________________________
Being trans is like breathing you fucking bitch
Baby Bro: You two good?
Star Kick Ass: Yes
Mother: Yes!
Baby Bro: Good.
Baby Bro: Is it anything serious?
Star Kick Ass: No I was just well trauma reacting
Mother: Are you still okay? I know you are non-verbal right now but would you like some tea?
Star Kick Ass: Yes please
Baby Bro: Glad you two got your shit together
____________________________________
ERZA SCARLET YOU ARE DEAD
Mother: oh no
Baby Bro: Wanna explain how you have 2 whole gfs I didn't know Jack shit about?
Mother: uhhhhhhhh
Baby Bro: :)
The Only Cis Allowed: And she didn't tell you? She told me she told you.
Baby Bro: Erza.
Baby Bro: Get your ass up here before I kick you down the stairs.
Mother: OMW
____________________________________
DM
Jellal: Are you okay?
Erza: Yes I explained I shouldn't of kept it from him I was just scared
Jellal: that's understandable
Erza: Yes I can see now I was irrational
Jellal: and that's fine
Erza: yes I am allowed to have human emotions
Jellal: He already gave you the talk
Erza: Yes I am very loved & cared for
Jellal: as it should be
Erza: Thank you for checking in
Jellal: Ofc you are my best friend
Erza: I appreciate you <3
Jellal: Love you too little shit
____________________________________
Gray made a chat.
Gray named the chat: interrogation.
Gray added Erza, Mira and Minerva.
Gray: Welcome to hell
Erza: Oh you were serious
Gray: You really thought I was going to allow them to fucking get out of this because of work?
Erza: you know what that's fair
Gray: yes so you are here to stop me from going to far & I'm going over the agreed script because I may be over protective but I am not here to trigger anyone
Mira: Oh hello!!! I do appreciate you reaching out about it! It definitely made my anxiety a little easier!!!
Erza: Gray is very kind and I love him
Gray: Wow love you too
Erza: Yes it's appreciate my brother time
Gray: No it's interrogation time
Erza: Appreciating afterwards?
Gray: fine
Minerva: Hello.
Erza: Oh before forget Gray Minerva is a lot like you in the way you literally just bottle your feelings behind a bitchy mask so don't mind her
Gray: Ah calling me out already
Erza: sh and get on with it
____________________________________
Interrogation
Mira: I am somehow terrified for my life
Minerva: You really are terrifying I would hate to get on your wrong side
Gray: :)
Erza: Gray you overdramatic shit
Gray: It's not over dramatic if I'm just gay
Erza: You are bisexual actually & you literally have a boyfriend who's gayer than you are
Erza: You have transcended Gay
Minerva: A life long goal
Gray: And? Why are you mentioning Natsu? What are you up to?
Erza: :D
Gray: Oh god no GET AWAY JAHDJSKS SHSHSIDKDKODKS
Gray added Natsu.
Gray changed Natsu's name.
💞: Why am I here?
Gray: My cursed fucking sistsjjdkdkdkdoodsjjdjdHSHDYDIDKID
Gray changed the chat name: Siblings & the hoes
Mira: How rude! I am at least a girlfriend!
Erza: of course sweetheart!
Gray: Erza why did you do this
Erza: You mean why did I change Natsu's name to your contact name for him or why did I add him?
Gray: You fucking BITCH
💞: this is my contact name?
Minerva: You should marry him.
💞: fuck that's fair
Minerva: Yes I would marry someone if they changed my contact name to hearts.
Mira: 👀
Erza: 👀
Gray: Gay
____________________________________
Minerva is a fuck
The Only Cis Allowed: Don't even- GOD
Simp: what did she do?
The Only Cis Allowed: You saw
Simp: Oh but you looked so cute!
The Only Cis Allowed: BITCH-
Baby Bro: what happened?!???
The Only Cis Allowed: Minerva fucking betrayed me is what
Simp: She did Rouge's make up & it's glittery
Simp: instead of his usual black or red eyeshadow and liner
Baby Bro: What color tho?
The Only Cis Allowed: Silver
Baby Bro: At least she kept to your emo color palette
The Only Cis Allowed: Bitch I will stab you
Simp: Rouge no
Star Kick Ass: Rouge yes
Star Kick Ass: If you want I can help you fix her mess
The Only Cis Allowed: Thank you
The Only Cis Allowed: friendship ended with Sting Jellal is now my only friend
Baby Bro: well fuck you too I guess
The Only Cis Allowed: shut up I can't alter the meme!!
Notes:
Thanks for reading & uh sorry for just up and disappearing???? Yeah.
Also small plot things that are going to happen now:
New relationships in the works: Rouge/Sting/Jellal
Some random shit I added in here:
Wendy, Gray & Erza- Adopted siblings
Gajeel, Natsu & Sting- Adopted siblings
Laxus always has " drunk " something in his username has a fucking running joke bc he got wasted one time & declared it had to happen
Everyone is their canon ages!! (NOT COUNTING WHATEVER WEIRD TIMEY WIMEY BULLSHIT THE S-CLASS ARC WAS OR THE WEIRD BULLSHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH THE DRAGONSLAYERS. THIS IS GOING OFF OF PHYSICAL AGE.)
Also Erza is missing her eye here stop forgetting she has a fake eye you cowards
Chapter 5: Attack & dethrone Laxus
Summary:
Depression with a new ship on the side.
Notes:
Okay so tags are going to be added. It's like 1 in relationships & one in additional tags!!!! (Also a name change happens it's listed below!)
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick AssChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good OneThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Authority issues: Bitch what do you want?
Fight the man: Pudding & some chicken!!
Authority issues: Ight me & Nats are going over
Fight the man: ugh of course you brought your mans
Authority issues: shut the fuck up he's a precious ray of sunshine
Fight the man: He keeps calling me a stalker!
Authority issues: then perish
Fight the man: :0
Fight the man: stop booing me I'm right!!
_________________
GRAY YOU SHITHEAD
The Only Cis Allowed: what did he do now?
Crazy Cousin: Oh come on! It was funny
Wine Uncle: Why am I not suprised you are involved?
Mother: You encouraged him to fight a man who's around 200 pounds of pure muscle and 6'5.
Crazy Cousin: Gray's 6 foot Erza he could handle a guy with 5 inches on him
Mother: That plus the 200 pounds is why he has a black eye right now you idiot
Crazy Cousin: He only has one because the dudes girlfriend was fast and afterwards he bodied her into a table so clearly he was doing fine
Mother: I'm sorry what???
Crazy Cousin: She deserved it for calling him the word we don't fuckin say around here
Mother: She said that?
Crazy Cousin: Yeah and Gray beat both of their asses for it
Mother: I see.
Baby Bro: Yeah Erza clearly I fucking won and I'm definitely better off
Baby Bro: Besides you act like I can't handle myself I know what I'm doing
Mother: I know that I just hate it when you get hurt
Baby Bro: I understand that but I'll be fine it's just a black eye
Star Kick Ass: I'm alerting Natsu
Baby Bro: BITCH NO HE'LL MURDER ME
Simp: It's what he deserves
The Only Cis Allowed: Tragic
_________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Pan: Gray what the absolute fuck
The Bi: Babe listen it's not that bad
_________________
Fuck all of you
Baby Bro: I hope you are happy bc he's fucking cryin
Mother: tragic maybe don't get into fights and worry him
Baby Bro: Fuck
_________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Pan: Call?
The Bi: Look outside babe
_________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot™: You two okay?
The Drunk Relative: If you aren't I can send over cookies
Thot supreme: We are okay but we want cookies
Snake: Bet
The Brain Cell: Mayhaps you both should stop lighting shit on fire
Simp 2.0: No fuck you
The Brain Cell: I will take your matches you bitch
Thot supreme: But this is the only thing bringing us joy
The Brain Cell: You are lighting your empty cigarette box on fire
Thot supreme: and?
Airport Securities Menace: You smoke???
Thot supreme: Yes
The Good One: Gray it's been a while since you've had a relapse
Thot supreme: I'm fine just fucking stressed
The Good One: Did you try all of those methods your therapist taught you?
Thot supreme: Yes didn't work
Simp 2.0: He was really bad Wendy
The Brain Cell: I'm gonna take your lighter that's your second cig
Thot supreme: Fair enough
Eye See: Gray why are you smoking again?
The Good One: He was freaked out enough
Eye See: that's not a good thing none of it is
The Brain Cell: Stop worrying so much right now he's only had 2 I just took his lighter and everything that can light shit on fire is locked away
Eye See: Good
Eye See: What caused this?
Airport Securities Menace: It was or this was at least part of it but a few jerks by the corner store Natsu & Gray get their drinks from started talking shit
Airport Securities Menace: They may or may not all have a broken nose or worse
The Drunk Relative: Did you fuck up your prosthetic?
Airport Securities Menace: Nah it's fine
The Drunk Relative: That's good
Simp: We should all hang out
The Brain Cell: The majority of us are already here
Snake: You and Gajeel are the only ones missing
Airport Securities Menace: Bitch I'm getting drinks I'm not " missing "
Snake: my bad we sent Gajeel out it's just you
Simp: :0 and y'all didn't call me fucking rude
The Brain Cell: You are at work right now
Simp: I just got off whose house we at?
Eye See: Natsu's it's the biggest
Snake: don't remind me that he's somehow fucking rich
Simp 2.0: bitch just be happy I have a goddamn theater and we can die on the floor like the heathens we all are
Eye See: I didn't see it coming either Cobra I thought he wasn't going to be from good money
Thot supreme: The bitch has under amour he's definitely fucking rich
Simp 2.0: Oh please you love me
Thot supreme: Yeah fine
Thot™: The rat is here
Simp: Excuse you bitch
Thot™ changed Simp's name.
Gay Bottom: YOU WHORE
The Brain Cell: Wow you really called him out
Eye See: Is this because you all fucked three days ago or?
Gay Bottom: how do you know that?
Thot™: Because fuck you I talk to her
Gay Bottom: You talk to her about our sex lives
Eye See: I talk to him about mine so shut up
The Brain Cell: Aren't you two hoe buddies?
Thot™: Yeah we don't fuck each other but we talk to each other about who we fuck
The Drunk Relative: That's fair enough
Thot supreme: Isn't ever your hoe buddy?
The Drunk Relative: Yeah what's about it?.
Thot supreme: Congratulations
The Drunk Relative: Wait fuck how do you know about that
Eye See: are you hiding something Laxus?
Simp 2.0: I'll give you a hint he was just awfully nice to them
The Drunk Relative: SHUT THE FUCK UP
The Brain Cell: It's Gajeel.
Airport Securities Menace: YOU FUCKING BITCH OF A BROTHER
The Brain Cell: You deserve it
Simp 2.0: Yes they are dating & yes Laxus is gonna murder me and Gray
Eye See: He can murder you not my brother
Thot supreme: But sis!!! I love him!!
Eye See: Then perish
Simp: So Laxus and Gajeel fucked finally?
Snake: Stop talking Wendy is here
The Good One: I don't want to be
_________________
DM
Gajeel: Well fuck
Laxus: I guess we just suffer now
Gajeel: I hate every last one of them
Laxus: Same
Gajeel: Cuddles now.
Laxus: alright fine jfc
_________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot supreme sent an image.
[ID: Laxus and Gajeel are curled up together on a pile of blankets. There's light coming from one direction where a tv may be and there's a pikachu plushie in the background.]
Eye See: Ha gay
Notes:
Yes Gajeel is missing both of his hands and has cool ass prosthetics!!! I thought it would be neat to reference his magic :D oh yeah there's no magic here sjjdkdkd I forgot to mention that maybe I'm pretty sure I did??? I don't know
Chapter 6: That emotional rollercoaster: Is it fluff again or are my feelings getting hurt?
Summary:
Spoliers: It's angst AND fluff
Notes:
Okay so!!!! There's like talk to Zeref here it's literally the same plot shit (minus Turning Natsu into a demon, Bringing him back from the dead & any other magic bullshit I don't remember that's involved) but like no magic. And trigger warnings of harassment, sexual harassment, Following people to be fucking disgusting, gangs, fighting, violence, medical terms (a word but whatever), implied attempted murder, brief mention of bribing law enforcement (implied), Cops aren't exactly present it's just at most a 2 line mention. Mention of a mental health facility & arrest (Both related to Zeref), Slight implied partially mute Natsu (In extreme emotional distress he can't make his voice work.), Mention of murder, being held hostage & emotional & physical abuse
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second childChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanAccident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
LucyThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfilaThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The gays + the dumbasses
The Good One: Hi I like gorl
Snake: It's okay take your time
The Good One: Girl
The Brain Cell: You are doing amazing sweetie
The Good One: Girl pretty
Eye See: Yes good job Wendy
___________
Simp 2.0: Gray's fucking pretty and I'm not handling it
Gay Bottom: Seems kinda gay
Simp 2.0: He's my boyfriend
Snake: Gay
Simp 2.0: I know where you sleep
Snake: do you rlly???
Simp 2.0: Yuh
Snake: I live in fear now
Thot supreme: Wow that's my boyfriend everyone
Eye See: We get it none of us are straight
Airport Securities Menace: I mean you aren't wrong
Thot supreme: Aren't I like half straight?
Eye See: No there's nothing gayer than being Bi
The Drunk Relative: Yes being Bi is the peak of gay how dare you assume otherwise
The Brain Cell: You are only agreeing because you are bi
The Drunk Relative: And?
The Brain Cell: Have some class you heathen
___________
Gray's name is one letter away from Gay
Star Kick Ass: Listen I know it's fucking 4am but I just had a realization
The Only Cis Allowed: Holy fuck you are right
Wine Uncle: That means he's the gayest of us all
Crazy Cousin: Wild
simp: Don't remind me bitch
Star Kick Ass: Shut the fuck up you are awake with me
The Only Cis Allowed: And now I'm awake
Star Kick Ass: Congratulations
simp: You literally threw a pillow at him
Star Kick Ass: Shut I'm sleep deprived
Mother: When was the last time you slept?
Star Kick Ass: But-
Mother: No
Star Kick Ass: :/
The Only Cis Allowed: Ah so you've been fake sleeping and waiting until we are asleep
Star Kick Ass: No? I've actually been wide awake when you guys go to sleep
simp: Seems fake
Mother: No he does that sometimes
Baby Bro: Okay first off which one of you sick motherfuckers started this
Baby Bro: Jellal go the fuck to bed before I drug you to sleep
Star Kick Ass: Roger
Baby Bro: Good
simp: Damn he rlly went to fucking bed
Baby Bro: You are next
simp: I'm sorry
The Only Cis Allowed: Please don't murder my bf
Baby Bro: Fine
Mother: coward
Wine Uncle: rid us of this curse
simp: excuse you bitch
The Only Cis Allowed: Both of you perish
The Only Cis Allowed: Sting is a delight and we love him
Baby Bro: I mean you love him but he's not a fuckin delight
simp: shit you right
___________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: Hey uh I wanted to tell you this because like I'm,,, uhhh I'm nonbinary,,, Please use they/them for me
Authority issues: A fellow trans
Fight the man: ajsjjdjd yeah
Authority issues: I gotta add ur ass to a gc hold on
Fight the man: Oh no
___________
Give me the fucking bees
Baby Bro added Lucy to Give me the fucking bees.
Baby Bro changed Lucy's name.
Second child: what's this?
Baby Bro: Welcome to the trans community in this horrid town
simp: I'm so proud you have adopted another
Baby Bro: quiet thot
Second child: Y'all really go ham here huh?
Baby Bro: because there's always transphobes everywhere else bitch
Crazy Cousin: Another Child?
Wine Uncle: Fresh Blood?
Second child shared an image.
[ID: A man with glasses has one arm on the wall with a pan braced out in front of him turned at an angle. His expression is terrified and he appears to be screaming. Captioned: Gay fear.]
Crazy Cousin: I love this child already
Star Kick Ass: Ah another meme
simp: how tragic
The Only Cis Allowed: Fucking perish the both of you
Star Kick Ass: Love you too
Mother: Lucy!!!
Second child: Erza!!!
Baby Bro: Mkay so small introduction say name & pronouns like y'all did with me
simp: Bet
simp: I'm Sting! He/him & You've probably seen me before around Gray annoying him
Mother: Erza she/her & you already know me
Star Kick Ass: Jellal he/him & uh fuck I don't know??? I'm blue????
The Only Cis Allowed: He means he has blue hair his skin isn't blue
Second child: good to know
Star Kick Ass: jsjsjdjd sorry
The Only Cis Allowed: You are fine babe & hi I'm Rouge he/him I'm not trans at all but I am an ally (I wouldn't be here if I wasn't) I'm mostly here to be Stings (my other boyfriends) brain cell
simp: :/
Crazy Cousin: Rufus he/they & I'm the one the cis & straights refer to has " the sinner " in that condescending tone that gets the majority of them punched
Wine Uncle: Laxus he/him & I've met you like once and I remember scaring you on accident
Second child: You have a very convincing resting bitch face
Wine Uncle: That's fair my boyfriend is worse tho for some reason
Second child: That's terrifying
Wine Uncle: Yes it is
Baby Bro: He's dating Gajeel the guy that's friends with Levy
Second child: You mean the practically six foot terrifying man that my best friend managed to bond with?
Mother: Yes
simp: If it makes you feel better I grew up with the asshole he's not that bad
Baby Bro: Bullshit but okay
simp: You are literally his favorite you don't get to say bullshit
Wine Uncle: I'm the favorite he's the second favorite
simp: Fair
The Only Cis Allowed: Why are you dragging my brother?
Second child: I'm not I value my life
Baby Bro: I don't
The Only Cis Allowed: Gray you suicidal bitch
Baby Bro: Perish scum
Mother: He's wrapped up in five different blankets somehow
Baby Bro: don't fuckin expose me
Mother: I do what I want
Second child: Sorry I forgot to introduce myself I got distracted by my bitch of a best friend
Second child: I'm Lucy and I go by They/Them
Second child: I'm sure the majority of you have seen me at some point
The Only Cis Allowed: We literally share a class together and are trying to figure out fucking statistics
Second child: Bitch????? Is rouge a nickname???
Baby Bro: Shit yeah his actual name is Raios we all just call him Rouge
Second child: RAS MY FUCKING BRAIN CELL
The Only Cis Allowed: Jfc I had some sort of hope gray didn't ruin your mental health but ya know
Second child: No I ruined his first
Baby Bro: bullshit
Mother: I agree with Gray here
Second child: Fine then I made it worse
Baby Bro: there you go
Mother: you both say this like you haven't shared coping mechanisms
Second child: Smoking is a great coping mechanism
Baby Bro: Yes
Wine Uncle: None of that
simp: Damn y'all just traumatized on main
Baby Bro: you've never been held hostage with a literal serial killer who murdered your parents and it shows bitch
Second child: you've never had an abusive father who manipulates you & hits you when you " do something wrong " which is basically just fucking existing and it shows
simp: Shit y'all popped off
Second child: I'm bitter
Mother: Fair enough would you like hot chocolate?
Baby Bro: yes
Second child: Bitch I'm going over just for that hot chocolate
Star Kick Ass: Is it time to break into Gray and Erza's house?
The Only Cis Allowed: I'm already here so hurry the fuck up
Wine Uncle: Bet
___________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Bi: How close are you to 26th St?
The Pan: 3 minutes if I respect the law
The Bi: Can you please get Erza and Lucy? Someone's following them. I know Erza could handle it but there's a possibility of it being more than one person.
The Pan: Big bet I'll beat a skull in if I have to
___________
DM
Natsu: Yo stop at that blue shop & wait tell the cashier Natsu sent you
Erza: Okay
Lucy: What's the ETA?
Natsu: Less than a minute I'd rather just be safe about it
Erza: Okay thank you
Natsu: No prob
___________
DM
Lucy: What the fuck is your boyfriend made of???
Gray: Ah did he get into a fight
Erza: They stopped him at the door and asked if he's seen their " dear two lost sisters "
Lucy: He threw a guy into a fucking wall
Lucy: Why didn't you tell me you are dating a tank?
Gray: You saw him in a sleeveless jacket Lucy he's clearly not weak
Erza: I am just impressed he was that fast for his size
Gray: He's literally a fucking heathen of course he's fast
Gray: I'm convinced it's because he would blow shit up when he was younger
Erza: Ah a true rascal
Gray: Yeah he's pretty much a fucking thug not gonna lie
Lucy: Seriously?
Gray: He got into a lot of fights in school
Gray: Natsu's fucking batshit but he won't hit anyone if they didn't do shit to deserve it
Lucy: But like not involved in illegal shit?
Gray: Nope his mom was a firefighter he's definitely grown up on the " right " side of the law he just doesn't give a shit about the law when one of his friends just got the shit beaten out of them
Erza: That's fair actually I wouldn't react well either
Gray: I sure as fuck wouldn't besides we can't judge him for that when we are 10x worse
Lucy: damn you are right
Gray: Especially you bitch fuckin crazy
Gray: You all okay tho? I don't need to grab the kit?
Erza: Natsu needs a cut stitched but that's about it
Gray: That idiot
Lucy: He is one but he's also a little pissy still
Erza: Yes he might just need to lay down
Gray: I'll make him don't worry
___________
Natsu made a chat.
Natsu named the chat: Accident Prone Bitches.
Natsu added Gray, Lucy, Erza.
Natsu: I swear to fuck STOP GETTING IN TROUBLE
Gray: You have no right to fucking tell me that mr let me break this guy's skull in
Erza: I may of gone a little overboard
Natsu: A LITTLE?!
Natsu: Gray you fucking bitch shut up for a second that was 1) years ago and 2) he wouldn't get off of me so bitch deserved it
Lucy: That's a valid reason
Gray: Natsu I swear
Natsu: No heck you and listen
Gray: FINE
Natsu: I literally had to bail all of you out of fucking jail bc you just had to trash the bar
Natsu: I then had to convince the fucking cops to not throw you idiots into trail or lock you up
Natsu: And my father called me asking why the fucking shit 20K is missing so I had to explain to him and he got dissapointed
Natsu: And I hate it when my dad's disappointed so never do that again
Gray: Okay fine
Erza: Okay first, thank you for bailing us out
Natsu: You are welcome
Erza: Secondly does he want the money back?
Gray: Erza none of us can afford 20K not even in our dreams
Natsu: Yeah no he doesn't really care he just wanted to know what the fuck cost 20K
Natsu: He also can make that back easily so you guys are good
Erza: We have managed to scare the gangs at least?
Natsu: I guess bitch
Lucy: I think they already fear Natsu
Gray: They do and it's because he kicked their leader so hard he broke his ribs,,
Gray: According to Natsu they were being annoying
Natsu: They were bc they wouldn't leave me alone at all
Natsu: It was always: Hey wanna fucking join us? [Insert a shitty threat here] And I'm already rolling my eyes at them saying no trying to be decent but after the 4th time the fucking patience I barely had snapped
Lucy: That's suprisingly in Character for you
Gray: Yes he has a temper Lucy yours is worse
Erza: Actually out of all of us it's Mira's who's worse
Gray: Worse than yours?
Natsu: Ira is fucking batshit it's not surprising
Lucy: You know Mira?
Erza: You call her Ira?
Natsu: Yes and yes
Natsu: We grew up together she's basically a terrifying sister and I say that knowing exactly how big Elfman is I don't care she's always terrifying
Gray: Fair enough
Lucy: ;)
Gray: No don't you fucking dare
Lucy: Didn't Gray scare both Minerva and Mira?
Natsu: Babe you fucking what?
Gray: :) it was for a good cause
Erza: I change my mind I can't believe I forgot Gray is secretly terrifying and lures you in with his awkwardness and cute smile
Gray: Hey! I'm genuinely a good person you shithead
Natsu: Babe what the fuck? You scared Mira? Like Mirajane?
Gray: Yes??
Lucy: I haven't seen him actually pissed off in a long time but I don't remember what happened that one time he did and that says something
Erza: It was such a horrible event your mind repressed the memory
Natsu: Why am I dating someone who's worse than fucking Ira?
Gray: Bitch you fucking love me
Natsu: I do I really do I'm just having a crisis
Gray: It's not like it's easy to get me to that point
Natsu: reassuring
Lucy: No it isn't
Natsu: Shut up
___________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Pan: Babe what do you want from Bubbles?
The Bi: Cherry Coke & the number 6 please
The Pan: Ight & the rest of the heathens that I know are there?
The Bi: Give me a second don't get in line yet
The Pan: I'm not
The Bi: Okay so Laxus just wants a #3, Gajeel wants a #2 & #4 with a sprite (No joking he's in his feelings right now), Rouge & Sting just want: #7 with a Pepsi (Yes they each want one), Lucy said to grab her a 6 (the only one with taste smh) and a lemonade & please grab Erza a 3 with a Water? (Jellal claims he already ate but get the bastard a coke & some fries)
The Pan: Got you babe
The Pan: She's getting off work at like 7 right?
The Bi: Yes
The Pan: Just move your hang out to my place it's closer to here & to her work I'm not gonna be back in enough time for her to be able to stay awake enough to eat something if it's at your place
The Bi: Aight we should be there in 5 I'll text Erza & Tell your dad so he's not confused
The Pan: Yeah got it
___________
DM
Natsu: Hey dad Gray & the others are going over.
Igneel: Ah do they need to be fed?
Natsu: I'm already picking something up.
Igneel: What's the tea? Why at our place?
Natsu: Erza is working late. Our place is closer to her work & she needs to stay awake long enough to eat something.
Igneel: Fair enough. If she doesn't feel comfortable with driving I can get someone to pick her up.
Natsu: Thanks Dad love you I gotta fuckin order
Igneel: Love you too kid. I'm glad you have your own gaggle of dumbasses to look after
___________
Natsu: Fuckin true I swear they are all stupid
Igneel: I'm sending this to Gray
Natsu: Wow time to die
Igneel: Stop being dramatic
___________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Pan: Here. You assholes better help me carry this shit in.
The Bi: I'm gathering them we are going.
The Bi: Also fuck you I'm not dumb
The Pan: I was talking about the REST of them
The Bi: Okay wow you look tired
The Pan: Work fucking sucks dude
___________
The gays + the dumbasses
The Brain Cell: Thank you for the food Natsu
Simp 2.0: Np
Thot™: You and Erza look dead
Eye See: I am dead bitch
The Drunk Relative: Ah here we go again
Snake: The both of you are disasters.
The Good One: You can't talk
Airport Securities Menace: Yeah bitch you can't talk
Snake: Rude
Simp 2.0: My dad called you all a gaggle of dumbasses and I swear I started laughing so hard in the truck that I swerved a little
The Drunk Relative: I'd say he's wrong but he's not
Thot supreme: I need to add Rufus for two seconds to get his opinion because Jellal is a fucking whore
Thot™: I am not you fucking bitch
Thot supreme added Rufus to The gays + the dumbasses.
Rufus: Why did you forsake me
Thot supreme: It's for 2 seconds and you don't have to stay
Rufus: Fucking bet what's up
Thot supreme: So like does the body harness go on under or over a button down
Rufus: Depends on the mood like if you are trying to be a subtle kinky bitch then under but if the shirt isn't that baggy & tight fitting than over
Thot supreme: I FUCKING TOLD YOU JELLAL
Thot™: Fuck you
Rufus: Wait Natsu Dragneel is here?
Thot supreme: He's my boyfriend wym
Rufus: Oh no it's because I know the guy
Thot supreme: He's not paying attention to anything but playing patty cake with Erza spill the tea
Rufus: It's just that your boyfriend used to be a fighter when he was younger maybe around 13?
Rufus: Went under the Anagram E.N.D which stood for Etherious Natsu Dragneel. He was an amazing fighter, an absolute delight to have at my club.
Eye See: E.N.D?
Snake: Oh shit I know about this
Eye See: Why E.N.D?
Airport Securities Menace: It was something fucked up his brother used to call him. And his brother is absolutely batshit. Like crazy needs help kinda batshit. Last I heard the asshole got arrested and is in a care facility actually getting help.
Rufus: He was really going through it at the time. I hope he's okay now.
Thot supreme: What the fuck? He never told me any of this???
Rufus: Talk to him chances are he didn't realize it was important. He never actually hides shit he's just a dumbass who's not used to others caring.
Thot supreme: So you knew him knew him
Rufus: Uh yeah? We were bros??
Thot supreme: Okay hold up finna have a conversation
___________
Simp 2.0: Thanks for letting me type it. It's just bad memories.
Eye See: That's fine we are just concerned.
Snake: Seriously grab tissues.
Simp 2.0: Fuck I forgot that's how I know you but uh so starting this shit show (sorry I didn't say anything about it it's not easy for me to talk about)
Thot supreme: Baby it's fine
Simp 2.0: Okay
Simp 2.0: My brother's name is Zeref Dragneel he's really batshit he would say that I was supposed to murder him so he could finally die and more
Simp 2.0: It was obviously fucked and after him trying to constantly get me to do that and him being gone because regardless of how much of a fucking dick he was he was still my brother and all I had left of my parents.
Simp 2.0: To the suprise of no one I'm adopted, Igneel is really fucking kind to me and I'm grateful for it but uh so fighter thing I was kinda lost? Really? I didn't feel there at all it felt like I was on autopilot
Simp 2.0: so uh Rufus who was the best and genuinely helped me so much during the time helped me because at that point I was 18? Just turned 18? Out of the system but struggling because I didn't have anyone
Simp 2.0: The blue shop on the corner used to give me food. Free of charge. Let me work around a little and gain some sort of cash.
Simp 2.0: He had offered me a job. A place with him and I took it. I don't remember why I did, maybe it was all getting to me. And I don't know exactly why I chose that horrid fucking name but maybe that's just exactly how I felt at the time? I don't know it was an emotional choice for whatever fucked reason maybe a last ditch effort to be " normal " again even if my " normal " was never healthy
Simp 2.0: Uh parent thing I don't really remember what happened? I was young very young and Zeref had custody of me at that time
Simp 2.0: Yeah that's uh the rough run down? I'm pretty sure? I don't think I'm missing anything? Maybe if I am I'll update you
___________
Simp 2.0: Y'all didn't have to make me fucking cry like that you assholes
The Drunk Relative: Natsu's not allowed to be by himself ever
Thot supreme: Yes two traumatized bitches in a relationship
Simp 2.0: Traumatized and traumatized^2
Thot supreme: Baby!
___________
Thot supreme: Before I forget & Rufus gets mad at me,
Thot supreme removed Rufus.
Thot supreme added Lucy.
Thot supreme changed Lucy's name.
HURTfila: About time you fucking bitch
Notes:
Thanks for reading & let me know if you think the tags should be updated for Something!
Also Rufus is removed and only stays after he's told he can leave the chat bc Rufus doesn't like texting he's usually ACTUALLY talking with Gray and calling his friends. (Also why his apperances are random). Gray's poor call logs look like this:
TODAY
Rufus- 5 hours
Rufus-2 hours
Rufus- 3 hoursYESTERDAY
Rufus- 7 hours
Etc.(These phone calls can be included if you'd like to have them! 👀)
Chapter 7: Snitches get stitches so do stalkers
Summary:
Slight Juvia bashing it's not rlly a bashing tho (gfo if you like or support her horrible behavior & stay far away from me THANKS), protective Natsu, one cranky gray and sting somehow causing his own demise.
Very short
Notes:
Hey guys! Long time no see sjdjdjdjd sorry school has been the worst! Anyways: TW FOR STALKING MENTION (Nothing described but will be tagged anyways for future reference!) I don't think there's anything else that's going to bed added to the tags? Let me know if I'm forgetting something or you think smth should be tagged!
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second childChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanAccident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
LucyThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfilaThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jellal is a fucking SNITCH
Mother: it was worth it
Wine Uncle: was it?
The Only Cis Allowed: No it was not
Second child: I had to call Natsu to get you out of jail Erza
Mother: She Deserved It
Star Kick Ass: I don't regret it
Second child: move to the main™ chat with everyone they are concerned
Mother: ah okay
______________________
The gays + the dumbasses
The Good One: If I don't hear from Erza or Gray I'm going to fucking SCREAM
Airport Securities Menace: Who taught you how to fucking curse?!
The Good One: You.
Snake: Wendy calm down
Snake: I'm sure they are both fine
HURTfila: They are I promise
Eye See: Sorry I wasn't trying to scare you Wendy
The Good One: ERZA
The Drunk Relative: what happened was Grays Stalker who shall not be named, found him again and Erza lost her fucking shit
Thot™: She's here?
Snake: He's not allowed to go alone anywhere
Eye See: Yes perhaps we should inform Natsu?
The Good One: Bad idea
Airport Securities Menace: It's too late he's in the fucking chat
Gay Bottom: Fuck who has eyes on Natsu?
Snake: I don't
Eye See: Last I heard he was with Mira
Snake: talk to her and don't let Natsu check his phone
Gay Bottom: that's just gonna piss him off more
The Good One: we may need Gray for this
HURTfila: I hate that you may be right
Thot™: Talking to Gray right now
Snake: okay
______________________
Simp 2.0: Why is Mira telling me not to fucking check my phone?
Eye See: we uh don't want you to get charged with manslaughter or murder
Simp 2.0: ight I've read the chat and I'm gonna fucking kill all of you and then her
Thot™: uh no Natsu Gray doesn't want you to do anything
Simp 2.0: and you know this how?
Thot™: fuck it @Thot Supreme
Thot Supreme: Natsu get the fuck over here
Simp 2.0: fine
______________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot Supreme: Natsu what are we not gonna do?
Simp 2.0: Murder your stalker
Thot Supreme: and what are we gonna do?
Simp 2.0: respect your wishes as your boyfriend
Thot Supreme: thank u
______________________
Gay Bottom: His name is weird now that I'm not named simp
Gay Bottom Changed Simp 2.0's user.
Gay Bottom: perfect
______________________
Grays bitch: STING YOU FUCKING WHORE
______________________
Gay Bottom: Gotta blast
______________________
Thot™: why is sting screaming
The Brain Cell: who's murdering him?
Thot™: excuse me I have to save our stupid boyfriend from Natsu
The Brain Cell: fuck what did sting do now?
Thot Supreme: read up
Notes:
Hahahshhs thanks to whoever's even still reading this!!!! I'm trying to be better abt updating anything for stress relief but sadly shits not working out. I'mma try and at least update every two weeks sorry if I miss an update!!
Thanks for your patience & for sticking around!
Chapter 8: Mayhaps stop doing illegal shit
Summary:
Gray & Natsu are nerds & everyone else is tired of them.
Notes:
Okay so slight implied/referenced attempted suicide? It's not graphic and it's maybe two lines. Slight I guess sexual content (will be added to be safe)? It's not graphic and nothing is described other than ass grabbing and making out (also technically slapping your partners ass but it's not kinky). Then harrassment and of course violence and fighting (the main themes of Fairy Tail besides friendship). I believe that's all. Also I am SORRY for forgetting to tag for Gajeel's prosthetics!!! And yes implied/referenced attempted suicide will be added (if it's not already there? I didn't check before writing this.)
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second childChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanAccident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
LucyThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfilaThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
Mira
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The gays + the dumbasses
Snake: Listen up bitches if I have to WITNESS THIS SHIT AGAIN I WILL LOSE IT
Thot™: Are you functional?
Snake: never
HURTfila: same
Airport Securities Menace: What's happening?
Snake: So Glad You've asked
Snake: so my friends are fucking idiots and angel JUST TRIED TO TRIP ME INTO A CLOTHING RACK
Eye See: damn
HURTfila: damn
Snake: I know I'm so offended
The Brain Cell: why tho?
Snake: I called her a disaster lesbain
Thot™: ah that will make any lesbain murder you on site
Snake: gee thanks I haven't noticed
Airport Securities Menace: Stop being a bitch
Gay Bottom: are we calling out cobra for being a bitch?
Snake: fuck you
Snake: the true bitch here is gray and we all know it
Thot™: I can't even argue
The Brain Cell: Shit he's right
Eye See: I can't even deny it
Airport Securities Menace: I wish I could
Grays Bitch: y'all just out here calling my bf a bitch huh
Snake: yeah and? What about it
_______________
Thot supreme: Hey cobra? :)
Snake: oh no
The Brain Cell: he's kinda in the chat man
Airport Securities Menace: you did this to yourself
Thot supreme: I Hope You Are Ready To Die
_______________
Gay Bottom: Damn I can't believe cobra is dead
_______________
The siblings & the hoes:
Minerva: I know we don't talk here but I found a meme and it reminds me of Gray
Erza: share
Minerva: [IMG: Elmo is shown badly photoshopped in front of fire with a black backdrop.]
Mira: Oh my god
Gray: Fuck I can't even be offended
Erza: if you tried I would of called you out
Mira: it's funny because it also describes Natsu
Minerva: shit I didn't think about that
💞: Wow fuck you too
Gray: glady ;)
💞: JSHDJDJDJDJJDJD BABY
_______________
Accident Prone Bitches
Natsu: babe can I ask a favor
Gray: fuck who did you punch
Lucy: goodness
Natsu: shut ur mouth
Natsu: I didn't punch him I punted him into a table
Erza: Natsu it's the third time this week
Natsu: sh
Gray: I'm coming where are you
Natsu: The market
Gray: babe how the fuck
Lucy: what did he even do?
Natsu: pulled a knife on me so I said go fuck yourself and kicked him
Gray: babe h ow do you always get into these situations
Erza: we need a hamster ball for him
Natsu: No!
_______________
Natsu can get it
Baby bro: I stand by what I said
Star Kick Ass: I didn't want an explanation on how much of a top Natsu is but yet I've received one
The Only Cis Allowed: I feel violated
Baby bro: coward
The Only Cis Allowed: I GREW UP WITH HIM
Second child: grays right tho
simp: no that's my fucking brother
Second child: no let him speak
Baby bro: Natsu can bench press me and I love it
The Only Cis Allowed: you literally swing him around like he weighs nothing
Crazy Cousin: it's because they are both ripped has shit
Crazy Cousin: I may be ace but I am not blind grays biceps are bigger than my head
Second child: yes
Second child: he's so ridiculously thicc it's fucking wild
simp: I hate to agree but you are right
simp: my brother is a mini brick house but grays just thicc
Baby bro: thanks I know my ass is great
Baby bro: Natsu is a mini brick house I swear
Wine Uncle: why are we discussing them being athletic? Everyone here is?
The Only Cis Allowed: god everytime I see Jellal's abs I start crying and prasing god
Star Kick Ass: SHUT UP
simp: he's right babe your abs are a godsend
Second child: I haven't seen them but if they move rouge to tears I'll believe it
Baby bro: okay but like Laxus and Gajeel are both fucking trees I swear
Baby bro: I have to look up at them and I'm not used to looking up at people
Wine Uncle: it's the genetics of my shitty father
simp: may he rest in piss bc he's fucking dead
The Only Cis Allowed: amen
Mother: amen
Mother: everyone I know is ripped even my girlfriends
simp: gay
Mother: you have two whole bfs
Baby bro: how tall are Laxus and Gajeel??? I just realized I don't know and I only know they are taller than 6 feet
Wine Uncle: I'm 6'7. Gajeel is 6'6.
Baby bro: bitch there's NO WAY WE ARE ONLY 7 & 6 INCHES APART
Baby bro: y'all are fucking taller
Mother: they aren't
Baby bro: bullshit
Second child: I also call bullshit
The Only Cis Allowed: you are literally 5'3 you don't count
Second child: shut the FUCK UP
_______________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot™: Hey Natsu wanna hear about how Gray thirsted over you in the trans chat?
Airport Securities Menace: holy shit you are actually doing it
Eye See: do it expose him
Thot supreme: I heard you taking shit
Grays Bitch: yes I wanna know
Thot supreme: BABE
Thot™: Gray said your arms are so big he wants you to crush him w/ them and then he said he wants his head crushed by your thighs & then he went on a tangent about watching you throw someone into a wall for the first time and him gay panicking
Grays Bitch: HSJDKDJDJDJDJDKDJD
Grays Bitch: LOVE THAT'S SO GAY
Thot™: he also said you could rail him anytime
Grays Bitch: BSGYSUSJDBDHDJDHD
Thot supreme: I'm going to die now
Eye See: no
Grays Bitch: babe we are dating
Thot supreme: that makes it worse
Grays Bitch: gray I literally slapped your ass five minutes ago
The Drunk Relative: I witnessed it
Eye See: ah I smack my gfs asses all the time
Grays Bitch: are u rlly dating if you don't slap your partner's ass
Thot supreme: babe why did you just grab a handful of my a s s
Grays Bitch: and? I like your ass it's great
Thot supreme: jdjdjdkdkdkd Natsu I swear
HURTfila: and they are making out
Eye See: Natsu's hands are back on his ass
The Brain Cell: disappointed but not surprised
_______________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Authority issues: the next person who tells me what to do is getting punched
Fight the man: not that I don't support but why
Authority issues: I'm getting talked down to by these guys and I wasn't even talking to them in the first place???
Authority issues: they heard Erza mention my 23rd birthday & their 40 yr old asses automatically assumed that means they are superior
Fight the man: how close is erza to breaking them
Authority issues: abt the same as me
Fight the man: just call Natsu passive aggressively
Authority issues: he's at work
Fight the man: he got off an hour ago
Fight the man: remember when he said to just call him when you are about to fight someone?
Authority issues: ugh fine
_______________
" Natsu. I'm two seconds away from breaking someone's skull in. "
Gray stares down the group of men. Erza smiles in front of him.
" Wow you actually called me instead of beating their heads in? So proud of you babe. "
" Yeah it's like a whole group of forty year old men who somehow think age is equivalent to respect and like it would stop me from beating their asses. "
" Gray no committing murder. I will not bail you out again. "
All of the men pale while Gray just smiles widely.
" Fine. Erza won't hold me back through. "
She gives him a shit eating grin.
" Oh of course you are out with your trigger happy sister. Why am I not fucking suprised. "
" Yeah sure fucking am. "
" Did you put me on speaker to scare the shit out of them? "
Gray snickers, Erza's blocking her own laughter with a hand to her mouth.
" You know me so well. "
" Babe. Turn the fuck around. "
He turns around, eyes meeting Natsu's. " Fucking brat. " His boyfriend curses, flopping down right next to Gray.
" Listen it was for the greater good. "
Erza nods. " It was truly. " Natsu gives her a flat look. " You assholes are lucky I was already out when you called me. "
Gray laughs.
_______________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Bi: love can you please get me the heat pad?
The Pan: ofc baby
The Bi: thank you
The Pan: even brought cramp meds
The Bi: god I love you
_______________
Eat my fucking ass Laxus I'll change the chat name every damn day: 23 days in a row
Mother: an f in the chat bc Gray got his period
Crazy Cousin: F
Star Kick Ass: F
Second child: F
The Only Cis Allowed: F
simp: F
Wine Uncle: F
Baby bro: thanks for the support in my time of dying
Second child: stop quoting three days grace you emo
Baby bro: I will scream the lyrics to Bully don't fucking try me
Second child: wow fuck you
Mother: And risk waking up Natsu? Surprising
Baby bro: fuck
_______________
Star Kick Ass: erza I'm coming over
Mother: bet bitch
simp: abandonment
Star Kick Ass: u are welcome to come w/ me I just want bff time
simp: bet
Mother: Gray just finished making cookies
The Only Cis Allowed: BET
_______________
The gays + the dumbasses
Gay Bottom: let's appreciate Natsu rlq
Grays Bitch: wait why
The Brain Cell: you just saved what's left of my sanity
Snake: you stopped us from dying
HURTfila: you took my children and sent them to college
Eye See: you took my acne and killed it
Airport Securities Menace: you gave me my hands back
Thot™: you saved me & my bfs
Thot supreme: You kissed me on the forehead and cured my depression
Eye See: you gave me my fucking eye back
Snake: yes
Grays Bitch: sjdjkdkdkdkd do y'all rlly fucking hate them that much???
Thot™: they never leave us alone
HURTfila: they started harassing me after they found out I'm friends with Gray & Erza
Snake: they started trying to mess with me after they found our Gajeel & I are close
The Brain Cell: I was always a target because I'm Gajeel's brother
Gay Bottom: I was targeted because I'm bfs w/ rouge (b4 it was bff's but we upgraded)
The Drunk Relative: they don't have the balls to mess with me
The Drunk Relative: I however am not around all the time to scare the assholes off
Thot supreme: I wish they would fear me
Grays Bitch: so like these asshats have been bothering y'all for eons
Thot™: they decided we are all rivals for some reason?
Eye See: it's a them thing and I don't appreciate it
HURTfila: big fucking mood
Grays Bitch: Hold the fuck up
_______________
Snake: fucking bless Natsu for beating the shit out of all of them
Thot™: thank fuck Lucy took that picture of him at the park
HURTfila: I know right???
Eye See: that was so satisfying
Airport Securities Menace: yes it was
Thot supreme: thank you baby
Grays Bitch: np they fucking deserved it
Eye See: I genuinely appreciate you so much
Grays Bitch: thank you!!
Thot supreme: watching Natsu just chunk one of them into a car was fucking beautiful
Snake: so was watching him drop kick the other one
_______________
The Good One: FINALLY
Snake: oh?
The Good One: They have been bothering me for months after finding out I'm related to Erza & Gray
Eye See: they've been fucking what
The Good One: it was fine! It's not like I didn't kick their asses every time
The Good One: half the time they started crying when I looked like I was getting mad
Snake: fuck she's been curoupted
Airport Securities Menace: I'm so proud
Eye See: same
The Good One: :D
_______________
Fun fucking times with the fam
Baby bro: listen is it like illegal to just???? Climb construction equipment
Second child: I genuinely don't know
The Only Cis Allowed: but why are you climbing???
Star Kick Ass: gray you better fucking not be doing that
Baby bro: oh shit I forgot about that
Baby bro: but no I'm not doing that
Mother: thank God
Baby bro: I just hold on
Baby bro: [IMG: A landscape photo of the city with a golden sunset behind it.]
Star Kick Ass: :0 pretty
Mother: it's beautiful
Baby bro: I kinda like it up here
Second child: just be safe
The Only Cis Allowed: please be safe
Baby bro: I am!
Notes:
Thanks for reading & I definitely fucked up the schedule I think? Because my time management is shit but Hey y'all already know this.
Also I just want to leave you with this thought; There's no way Natsu isn't an ass man and that's That. (Yes I'm right I know.) (This is purely jokes I promise)
Chapter 9: It's revealed Gray stole Gajeel
Summary:
Gray & Gajeel are close has fuck and y'all can't change my fucking mind about it.
Notes:
Small thing: Gray & Gajeel meet at an abusive orphanage b4 Gajeel loses his hands. Which is why neither of them want to talk about it. Also after I post this the character tags & another set of tags (I think) will be changed. We also have some new chats and developments!
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- BabyChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanAccident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
LucyThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- SmolThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
MiraOh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: guess what
Authority issues: what
Fight the man: it turns out Freed is trans 👀
Authority issues: HOLD THE FUCK UP
____________
Please for the love of fuck stop being a simp
Second child: so anyways I was sitting there bbq sauce on my tits
Baby Bro added Freed.
Baby Bro changed Freed's user.
Baby: why the fuck am I here
simp: welcome to the towns trans community
Baby: we have a trans community?
Star Kick Ass: mood
Mother: gray stop adopting people
Baby Bro: No fuck you mom
Mother: how dare you
Crazy Cousin: ah another child
Wine Uncle: why did you steal Freed
Baby Bro: he's a baby trans
Wine Uncle: carry the fuck on
Baby: LAXUS?!
Wine Uncle: yuh
Baby Bro: okay asshats roll call bc none of you are functional
Second Child: that's fair actually
Baby Bro: Erza
Mother: I am here and I am queer
Baby Bro: Rufus
Crazy Cousin: what's good
Baby Bro: we already did Laxus so I'm skipping him
Baby Bro: Jellal
Star Kick Ass: present
Baby Bro: Sting
simp: Hola
Baby Bro: Rouge
The Only Cis Allowed: My username explains
Baby Bro: Lucy
Second Child: I am g a y
Baby: I-
Baby Bro: scream if you need to
Baby: I did not realize I was surrounded by people like me this entire fucking TIME
simp: that's fair we all just pass super fucking well
Mother: I don't know how you don't know about Gray or Rufus
Mother: Gray refuses to wear shirts half the time & his top surgery scars are just on full display
Mother: Rufus is always screaming trans rights
Baby: I am an introvert
Second Child: that's fair
Wine Uncle: yeah but anyways we are the only trans ppl in this town so if you need something just holler at us or an Ally if you rlly wanna
Baby: can I have a list of allies? I am small and Anxious
Star Kick Ass: fuck what a mood
Mother: Gray type up the list
Baby Bro: oh shit yeah hold on
Baby Bro: This is gonna take a hot minute
Baby: thank you tho
simp: if you feel comfortable we will add you to a separate chat we have that has all of our allies in it
Baby: please I am tired of feeling scared
simp: got you
Baby Bro: Natsu Dragneel (My boyfriend), Rouge Redfox (Sting & Jellal's boyfriend), Gajeel Redfox (Yes they are related & He's Laxus' bf), Levy McGarden, Wendy Marvell (My & Erza's little sister), Cobra/Erik, Minerva Orland, Mirajane Strauss, Elfman Strauss, Lisanna Strauss
Baby: thank you
____________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot supreme: listen up whores
Snake: do we get to know why sting added someone
Thot supreme: yeah so Smol is Freed Justine
Thot supreme: he's trans and like he needs allies
Airport Securities Menace: fair enough
Thot supreme: so if y'all could be grand and just send in your names (I gave him a list)
The Good One: Wendy
Snake: Cobra
Airport Securities Menace: Gajeel
Airport Securities Menace: Natsu is busy right now but he's @Grays bitch
The Brain Cell: Rouge
Smol: thank you I live near so many transphobes it makes me anxious
The Drunk Relative: I will smite all of them
The Good One: We need to get him away from there
Airport Securities Menace: True
Snake: @Grays Bitch yo can we just borrow your mansion
Smol: jsjdjdjd
Grays Bitch: for what? Don't assume it's mine bitch both sting & I live there
The Good One: Freed doesn't live in a safe area for him could he potentially live with you?
Grays Bitch: ???? Shit lemme ask dad
____________
DM
Natsu: dad do you want another child
Igneel: maybe
Natsu: his name is Freed and he doesn't live in a good area
Igneel: your brother is already harassing me
Natsu: we just need a fam gc hold up
____________
Natsu created Oh? Same Dad.
Natsu added Sting and Igneel to Oh? Same Dad.
Natsu: okay so
Sting: do it we need another brother
Igneel: fine
Natsu: Yesss
____________
The gays + the dumbasses
Grays Bitch: he said yes!!!
Gay Bottom: thanks to us being annoying
The Good One: nice
Eye See: perfect!!!
Smol: I'm going to cry thank you
____________
Oh? Same Dad.
Natsu added Freed.
Natsu: okay so now that we are all here
Igneel: ah!!! Hello third son!!!
Freed: hi!
Sting: I'm glad we all agree Freed is too precious for this world
____________
DM
Freed: I just got adopted!!!
Evergreen: gasp!!!!! Yes!!!
Freed: They are so nice to me??? I-
Evergreen: has they should be
Freed: shush but I think maybe they would be good for you also?
Evergreen: uhhh I don't know? Trust issues and all that
Freed: think about it at least?
Evergreen: okay for you
Freed: !!!
____________
DM
Freed: Ever promised to think about it
Bixlow: !!! Progress
Freed: I think she still needs you to calm her down tho
Bixlow: already on it little dude
Freed: no
____________
The gays + the dumbasses
Grays Bitch: why did no one tell me Gray adopted Gajeel
The Drunk Relative: did you not know?
Grays Bitch: NO
Smol: isn't that a good thing?
Snake: depends because grays actually good for Gajeel
The Brain Cell: it's true
The Brain Cell: he helps him with things I can't which is nice to know my brother can have that happen
Airport Securities Menace: I thought dad told you?
Grays Bitch: YOU CALL GRAY DAD?!
Airport Securities Menace: he is my dad you fuck
HURTfila: like literally or?
Airport Securities Menace: no not literally
HURTfila: okay bc I'm still offended he didn't tell me I'm an aunt
Eye See: ah I thought he did
Airport Securities Menace: I just? The fuck is dad doing I have questions
Thot supreme: ah so y'all found out
Airport Securities Menace: did you not wanna tell them bc explaining is hard
Thot supreme: yes and also because it's extremely personal to you and I'd rather not make you uncomfortable
Airport Securities Menace: that's fair & no one gets the explanation
Grays Bitch: that's fair enough I just wanna know why I'm just now aware I'm a dad
Airport Securities Menace: b l e h
The Drunk Relative: how are you grays kid? Is this like an ' my child ' thing or a ' we went through trauma together so we are now family ' thing?
Thot supreme: second
Airport Securities Menace: yep
Airport Securities Menace: was incredibly fucked up for me so no questions
Grays Bitch: no one will question you
The Drunk Relative: I'll fight them
The Brain Cell: mood
The Brain Cell: we respect boundaries in this household
The Good One: yes!
The Good One: I am offended I didn't know I had a brother!
Eye See: I don't think that's how it works
The Good One: A Brother
Thot supreme: bc I can't just go: hey I have a kid & then not explain why
Snake: It's good for him tho Gajeel is genuinely less tense and ready to jump someone which is improvement
Airport Securities Menace: fuck off
Snake: no
The Good One: I wish my family would stop being hurt but it appears I may have to fight god for that to happen
Eye See: no fighting god until you are 18
The Good One: bold of you to assume I'll listen
Eye See:
Eye See: GRAY THIS IS YOUR DOING
Thot supreme: and?
Notes:
Thank you for reading! It might not be long? I didn't check the word count before doing this I probably should of.
Chapter 10: Sir your vibes are absolutely Horrendous.
Summary:
TRIGGER WARNING: Attempted Rape and Rape IMPLIED. (Word rape is not used it is heavily implied) Skip this by avoiding bolded: [Warning beyond this section is an attempted rape mention. It does not occur and the word Rape is not used. It is referred to Vaguely, I suggest scrolling past if this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Just scroll until the next bolded words.]
& Continuing reading at: [Trigger warning ends here.]Stay safe and DO NOT READ THE SECTION IF IT BOTHERS YOU OR IS SOMETHING YOU CANNOT HANDLE.
Notes:
Hey so massive tag update + revealed orientations for both Sting and Freed! (Also going to be tagged) obv bc like self projecting trauma onto characters! The gays favorite passtime. Please do take care of yourselves and don't read that section (has explained above) if it's something that bothers you.
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- BabyChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanAccident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
LucyThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- SmolThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
MiraOh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Oh? Same Dad
Natsu: Hey y'all want food?
Igneel: yes where are you going?
Sting: please tell me it's Miras
Natsu: it is
Igneel: can I get my second favorite thing?
Natsu: ye with a Pepsi?
Igneel: yes
Natsu: sting
Sting: sh I was thinking but a 7 w/ no pickles & I already made tea b4 you texted so
Natsu: mkay
Freed: oh Miras?
Natsu: ye what ya want
Freed: a 8 please
Natsu: drink?
Freed: lemonade
Natsu: bet I'll be home in 30
___________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Snake: I'm just saying that Gajeel can still bitch slap someone from a distance
Thot™: stop talking about how Gajeel can bitch slap people with his hand
Airport Securities Menace: I like this idea
Airport Securities Menace: I should slap Natsu
The Drunk Relative: Don't break your hand
Airport Securities Menace: I won't
Smol: why are we hitting my brother
Thot™: bc he's a bitch
The Good One: Is it because he's making dad jokes
Airport Securities Menace: ye ah
Smol: carry on
Grays Bitch: how hurtful fucking betrayed
Thot™: a bitch deserves it
The Good One: I have to agree
Airport Securities Menace: why? You aren't mean who are you and why did you steal Wendy's phone
The Good One: it's because he steals gray all the time :/
Snake: Natsu how could you
Grays Bitch: it's not my fault he breaks into the house to sleep in my bed
HURTfila: It's not breaking and entering if you gave him a key
Gay Bottom: Grays gonna be home tommorow Wendy
Eye See: promise?
Gay Bottom: ye he said so just now
Thot supreme: I'm sorry I was gone for a fucking week I just needed Natsu
Eye See: I know this and I will still pout
The Good One: mood
Thot supreme: I'll just steal Natsu this time
Eye See: better
___________________
[Warning beyond this section is an attempted rape mention. It does not occur and the word Rape is not used. It is referred to Vaguely, I suggest scrolling past if this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Just scroll until the next bolded words.]
Catch these hands transphobes
simp: gray are u like available rn
Baby Bro: why
simp: uhhh may or may not of lost my fucking shit
Star Kick Ass: babe that hardly ever happens
Star Kick Ass: Where are you
simp: h
simp shared location with Star Kick Ass, Baby Bro and The Only Cis Allowed.
Baby Bro: omw do you two need a ride?
The Only Cis Allowed: please
___________________
Mother: what happened?
Star Kick Ass: So in addition to being trans Sting is openly Gray Ace, which means he sometimes feels sexual attraction, but uh someone tried to hold him down and do that
The Only Cis Allowed: to " fix " him and I am shaking with rage right now.
Baby Bro: I might have gotten myself handcuffed but then again they needed to visit a hospital :)
Crazy Cousin: omw
Wine Uncle: Fuck
Wine Uncle: Is he good? They didn't actually do that right?
Baby Bro: no sting lost his fucking shit before they could even try
Wine Uncle: thank fuck
Mother: Gray I can feel you scratching stop it
Baby Bro: sorry it just reminded me of that
Baby Bro: I went batshit
Mother: black out?
Baby Bro: yeah
Mother: fuck I'm on my way & I'm bringing Natsu
Baby Bro: thank you
___________________
simp: my house now.
___________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Eye See: get to stings place
Eye See: something triggering happened and both Sting & Gray are fucked up
The Good One: gosh I'm going
HURTfila: I'll bring cookies
Airport Securities Menace: I'll pick up drinks
Eye See: thank you
___________________
Grays Bitch: I'm going to fucking murder someone
Grays Bitch: tell me I can't murder someone
Airport Securities Menace: you can't murder someone
Grays Bitch: thanks
Snake: I hate this fucking town
Airport Securities Menace: you and me both
Smol: I am filled with rage
Smol: I haven't really shared this but has a person who's ace has well I am Livid.
Thot™: I'm not ace and I'm still fucking livid
___________________
Snake: The guys arrested. Both Gray & Sting aren't going to be charged.
Snake: Off the books you are welcome.
Snake: He's getting sentenced to life for a hate crime and attempted that.
Eye See: Good.
Thot supreme: hell fucking yeah
___________________
[Trigger warning ends here.]
Fuck YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS BITCH
Second Child: I'm just saying it should happen
simp: we can't hunt down every hetero and murder them
Second child: true there are some good ones
Star Kick Ass: Exactly just murder the homophobes
Wine Uncle: and transphobes
Baby Bro: especially the transphobes
Mother: they are first
Second child: I support this
The Only Cis Allowed: same fuck transphobes
Wine Uncle: fuck transphobes
Mother: fuck transphobes
Second child: fuck transphobes
Baby Bro: fuck transphobes
Baby: fuck transphobes
simp: fuck transphobes
Star Kick Ass: fuck transphobes
Crazy Cousin: fuck transphobes.
Mother: I love that we all came online to say fuck transphobes
simp: a ritual
Baby: yes
Crazy Cousin: I will never miss the chance to say fuck transphobes
simp: god a mood
Baby Bro: we need a big fire pit to shove them all in
Wine Uncle: yes
___________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: listen the bees can
Authority issues: no they can't
Fight the man: ITS LOGICAL
Authority issues: IT'S NOT LOGICAL TO TRY AND DESTROY THE ONLY INDUSTRY TRYING TO SAVE THE BEES DUMBASS
Fight the man: how do you know
Authority issues: I will Fucking Kill You
Fight the man: me a n
___________________
Accident Prone Bitches
Erza: So we all remember how Gray lost it twice this week
Lucy: I can't even blame him
Natsu: I was scared and horny at the same time what fucking combination
Gray: sjjdjdjdjd
Erza: I'm going to ignore that
Gray: please do
Erza: anyways so do we think the second victim is still alive
Natsu: after that? No
Lucy: same
Erza: glad we are all on the same page
Gray: stop bullying me
Natsu: baby I'd never
Gray: bitch
Notes:
Thanks for reading! I appreciate your support! 💖
Chapter 11: Gray stop fucking stealing cats
Summary:
Gray murders Natsu with gay and steals a lot of cats.
Notes:
Hello!!! Suprisingly nothing triggering!!!!
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- BabyChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanAccident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
LucyThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- SmolThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
MiraOh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Accident Prone Bitches
Natsu: can y'all stop giving me heart attacks please?
Lucy: no fuck you
Gray: Lucy no
Lucy: Lucy yes
Erza: Lucy no
Lucy: …
Natsu: Lucy.
Lucy: Lucy no :/
Gray: that's what I fucking thought
Erza: I don't know how we got into that situation
Natsu: Erza you punched a man
Natsu: into a wall
Erza: did I?
Gray: Actually I started it after they called me a weirdo for being in a body harness
Lucy: I don't know why your body harness is sick as fuck
Natsu: gray honey
Gray: And what Natsu? Let that shit slide? No.
Natsu: you all are going to give me a heart attack
____________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot™: Gray hey wanna twin today?
Thot supreme: what's the idea?
Smol: oh no
Snake: guys please
Thot™: Like our matching pink shorts and black button down?
Eye See: wait you mean the booty shorts ?
HURTfila: dear god
Smol: I feel scared
The Brain Cell: you should
Thot supreme: Bet bitch lemme get changed
Eye See: can you both please stop wearing slutty clothes in public?
Snake: last week someone thought you were escorts
Airport Securities Menace: okay and? Sex workers are metal has fuck
Thot™: exactly
Eye See: you both have boyfriends who did not appreciate it
The Brain Cell: listen has one of the boyfriends I was mad
The Brain Cell: I also however know no one is going to win this argument
Airport Securities Menace: Good
Thot™: wanna twin with us?
Airport Securities Menace: fuck it just don't comment on my scars and we'll be good
Thot supreme: hell yeah!
Thot supreme: I'll kill anyone who does :)
The Drunk Relative: why is my boyfriend putting on booty shorts
The Drunk Relative: you
Thot™: I just asked and he agreed ;)
HURTfila: Gray please-
Thot supreme: no fuck you
Gay Bottom: I'm not complaining
The Brain Cell: sting please
Gay Bottom: you act like Jellal isn't gorgeous
Thot™: thanks I know I'm pretty
Thot™: Gray buttoned up or down?
Thot supreme: like that's even a question
Thot supreme: don't be a coward
Snake: dear fuck
Airport Securities Menace: where are we meeting
Thot™: at the brick
Airport Securities Menace: k can Laxus come with me?
Thot supreme: yeah
The Drunk Relative: fuck
Eye See: dear god someone alert Natsu
Snake: not it
Smol: not it
HURTfila: not it
Thot™: cowards
Thot™: @Grays Bitch Your boyfriend is looking hot today
Grays Bitch: oh god
Thot™: damn he has his eyeliner & make-up on rest in pieces
Grays Bitch: fuck
Smol: I only one one brother the other has died of gay
HURTfila: God I can see Natsu dying
Eye See: gray sitting in the man's lap is excessive
Thot supreme: it's my lap I can sit in it all I want
Gay Bottom: they sit in each other's laps all the time
The Brain Cell: especially Natsu he's a clingy bitch
____________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: gray what are you holding
Authority issues: fuck off
Fight the man: gray what the fuck
Fight the man: IS THAT A FUCKING CAT
Authority issues: FUCK OFF
Fight the man: WHY ARE YOU RUNNING
____________________
Put it BACK GRAY
Baby: why are we trying to make him release the cat?
Second child: he will acquire more
Baby: s o
Star Kick Ass: don't encourage him
Crazy Cousin: let him keep the fur child
Baby: no one was taking care of them anyways
Second child: you may have a point
Wine Uncle: get the cat from gray before he adopts every cat in this town
Baby Bro: bold of you to assume I haven't already
Mother: gray we've talked about this
Baby Bro: I refuse to put her down
Star Kick Ass: that's fucking it.
____________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Smol: GRAY RUN
Thot supreme: zoom zoom
Eye See: GET BACK HERE YOU TRAITOR
Smol: NEVER
The Good One: @Grays Bitch help Gray got ahold of another cat
Grays Bitch: baby what the fuck
Thot supreme: no one was taking care of her!!!
Thot™: that doesn't mean you kidnap the fucking child
Airport Securities Menace: so let him
Airport Securities Menace: the fur child will be happier and not harmed
Gay Bottom: fuck Gajeel's a cat person isn't he
The Drunk Relative: yes
The Brain Cell: Natsu's talking to Gray but he might be getting bribed over to the dark side
Thot™: considering Gray just kissed him it's safe to say yes
Snake: fuck he got a cat again
Eye See: unfortunately
The Good One: and Natsu is supporting it along with Gajeel and Freed
Snake: f u c k
Snake: @Grays Bitch Weak willed hoe
Grays Bitch: don't make me kick your fucking ass again
____________________
HURTfila: Gray why are there ten cats
Thot supreme: no reason
Grays Bitch: he bribed me again
HURTfila: Gray.
Thot supreme: fuck off
Airport Securities Menace: the cats aren't all his anyways bitch
HURTfila: I find that hard to believe.
The Drunk Relative: no Gajeel is right
The Drunk Relative: the calico cat is ours her name is Daisy and the black cat is Panther lilly.
Eye See: then we already have Opal and Rage
Eye See: plus Frost
HURTfila: that only accounts for five
Smol: The cat missing an ear is bixlows
Smol: I'm cat sitting & his name is Jazz.
Thot™: And then Galaxy and Squeaky are obviously mine.
HURTfila: that's eight
Snake: excuse you the blue russian is Happy or Natsu's cat and then the purple cat is mine so yeah ur not correct
Eye See: we are having a cat socializing day
Thot supreme: they are all getting along
Smol: that reminds me Gray could you adopt evergreen?
Thot supreme: whom
Smol: she's a friend of mine but she's uh trust issues and trauma
Smol: I think you could understand her better than I can
Airport Securities Menace: shit he really said: you don't trust shit
Thot supreme: untrue
Thot supreme: but yeah sure I'll adopt another child
Smol: bet
____________________
Accident Prone Bitches
Gray: hey erza Wendy has a cat now
Erza: why
Gray: I can't legally try to convince her to leave behind a cat she saved from the stupid ghetto ass drain thing
Lucy: shit she's attached isn't she
Gray: and I'm pretty sure someone dumped the fucking cat in there
Natsu: shit
Gray: yeah shit
Erza: goddamnit what's the child's name
Gray: Carla
Erza: fuck I guess she can stay
Gray: ha!
____________________
All of my problems would be gone with a sugar daddy
simp: gray you can't just do this to Natsu twice in a week
Star Kick Ass: he will live
Baby Bro: exactly
Baby: he really might not
simp: he's so red
Baby Bro: he hasn't stopped staring at my ass and honestly? that's valid
The Only Cis Allowed: please Gray Natsu's dying you are killing him
Baby Bro: and where's my apology for when he wears skin tight shirts or those tank tops that cover nothing ?
simp: fuck he's right
Second child: yeah he is right
Wine Uncle: he is Natsu constantly lives like that
Baby Bro: I'm aware and I suffer
Notes:
Stay tuned for evergreen getting adopted by gray. Also cobra's cat is safely dyed purple.
Chapter 12: Suprise adoption
Summary:
The stealing of Evergreen and Levy.
Notes:
There's a mention of Insomnia and nightmares but nothing graphic or describing it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Bigfoot is real in my heart
Star Kick Ass: okay but mothman
Baby Bro: shit you right
Star Kick Ass: he is husband material
Baby Bro: agreed
Baby Bro: he's just??? A feminist???
Star Kick Ass: and he can play the piano
Baby Bro: ugh he's so good
Star Kick Ass: he really is he's even a real one that will give you cats
Baby Bro: I know and it's so dreamy
Star Kick Ass: it really fucking is
Star Kick Ass: I wish my boyfriend's would give me cats
Baby Bro: aren't they like asleep rn
Star Kick Ass: it's only 2am gray why are they sleeping
Baby Bro: mayhaps because they don't have Insomnia and nightmares like we do?
Star Kick Ass: fuck
Baby bro: yeah fuck bitch ass
________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Fight the man: why were you up at 2am
Authority issues: can't a man stay up in peace?
Fight the man: s u r e
Authority issues: I just had a nightmare and Jellal was already up so
Fight the man: you good now?
Authority issues: ye I'm fine and vibing
________________
Bigfoot is real in my heart
Mother: Gray did you have a nightmare again
Baby Bro: yeah :(
Mother: are you okay?
Baby Bro: ye I don't feel weird which is good
Mother: thank goodness
Baby: we should all hang out today
Star Kick Ass: can we? I haven't been able to sleep at all
The Only Cis Allowed: he really hasn't been able to
simp: yeah I think he'll enjoy seeing y'all
Baby Bro: we should
Baby Bro: it's been eons
Wine Uncle: we literally hung out yesterday
Baby Bro: E O N S
Mother: it's decided someone warn the main chat
Baby Bro: I'll take one for the team
Baby Bro: I'm assuming Natsu's?
Crazy Cousin: yeah
simp: ye
Baby Bro: bet
________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot supreme: we are hanging out at Natsu's today so show up or die
Snake: violent but alright
Smol: it's at 12pm so please don't just show up now
The Good One: why can't I?
Smol: you are excused everyone else can perish
HURTfila: rude
HURTfila: y'all good if I drag Levy?
Gay Bottom: yeah she's nice
Smol: can I take ever???
Thot supreme: yes and yes. I need to adopt ever anyways
Airport Securities Menace: ah levy hasn't met Laxus yet
The Drunk Relative: should I be scared
HURTfila: yeah
The Drunk Relative: please don't let her skin me
Airport Securities Menace: I would never
Grays Bitch: I'm in the worst mood today so don't even talk to me bc I might be snippy and I'd rather n o t be snippy
Thot supreme: that's fine baby you can sit on my lap
Grays Bitch: wow my day is going so much better
simp: gay bitch
Grays Bitch: I'm grays bitch actually you fucking whore
________________
The gays + the dumbasses
HURTfila added Worm.
HURTfila: welcome to hell
Worm: wow thanks such a warm welcome
Smol added sparkle.
Smol: was that a fucking pun
Snake: your rights hand them over
Eye See: puns are illegal
Worm: coward
Worm: which one of you is Laxus
The Drunk Relative: hello
Airport Securities Menace: you aren't allowed to kill him I love him
Worm: fine he will live
Worm: hello Laxus Drayer.
The Drunk Relative: yes that's my last name.
The Drunk Relative: congratulations.
Worm: mean
The Drunk Relative: I was congratulating you? How is that mean?
Airport Securities Menace: babe it can read has sarcasm
The Drunk Relative: oh sorry
Worm: why is he so pure
Thot™: Laxus you socially stunted man
The Drunk Relative: bitch
Snake: Laxus buddy-
Gay Bottom: I cannot believe you don't know how to socialize
The Brain Cell: yes you fucking can
The Drunk Relative: alright meet me in the fucking pit
Eye See: no
Thot supreme: bet
Snake: Gray no.
Eye See: gray I swear to God
Thot supreme: f I n e
________________
Smol: you really just adopted her in under twenty five minutes what the fuck
The Good One: he has that effect
Snake: I'm not surprised it took him only 25 minutes I'm shocked it took that long
Airport Securities Menace: do I have a sister now
Thot supreme: yes
sparkle: hello
Airport Securities Menace: hello
Thot™: I'm dead that Natsu fucking swiped at erza like an angry cat
HURTfila: he did say he's in a pissy mood
Airport Securities Menace: he's only calm because he's curled up in grays lap
Gay Bottom: yeah Natsu in a bad mood is a Natsu that is capable of murdering you and not feeling bad about it
worm: I thought that was just normal Natsu???
sparkle: clearly it's not
Smol: it isn't the only one who will ever live against Natsu in a bad mood is Gray
Airport Securities Menace: it's because he's too gay for him
The Brain Cell: gray pouts even slightly and Natsu's wrapped around his finger
worm: o h
Snake: that's accurate
The Good One: gray pouted to get another cat and it worked
worm: another cat?
Airport Securities Menace: he has Frost, Rage, Opal and now Mr Whiskers
sparkle: do you have a cat here
Thot™: yes two actually lector and happy. Lector is on stings shoulder but happy would love to let you pet him
sparkle: where
Airport Securities Menace: hold on lemme get him
________________
Thot supreme: I'm so proud my child is a cat person
Smol: she loves cats
Grays Bitch: I am now a father of two I love my children
Airport Securities Menace: b l e h
sparkle: love you too dad
Thot supreme: Gajeel
Airport Securities Menace: f I ne love you too
Grays Bitch: I'm crying
Grays Bitch: I've been blessed he actually said it
Thot™: why are you crying
Thot supreme: because it's a milestone in their relationship
sparkle: yes because Gajeel is emotionally constipated
The Good One: I like my new sister
Eye See: I'm glad you do Wendy
sparkle: I also like my new sister
________________
DM
Smol: how right was I
sparkle: shut your mouth
Smol: LMAO COMPLETELY RIGHT
sparkle: I hate you
Smol: no
sparkle: ;(
Smol: he gets you doesn't he?
sparkle: yes and it feels nice
sparkle: thank you for introducing us
Smol: np he just reminded me of you so badly then I realized he could potentially help you big time
sparkle: never say big time near me ever again
________________
DM
worm: your friends are all so nice???
Airport Securities Menace: yeah they are
Airport Securities Menace: I don't know how I managed to again these heathens
worm: I've never been more welcomed somewhere and included
worm: what the fuck
Airport Securities Menace: they have that effect
worm: I'm-
worm: they are just all a group of angels what the fuck
Airport Securities Menace: well I mean you aren't wrong
worm: I accidentally called Lucy a bitch in front of them and no one got mad
Airport Securities Menace: you watched Gray yell slut at Jellal who was twerking on sting halfway across the room
Airport Securities Menace: curse words and insults are a form of affection at this point
worm: that's amazing
Airport Securities Menace: you are welcome to hang out with us again if you want
Airport Securities Menace: everyone likes you so there's no problem with that
worm: thank you I'd really like that
worm: I just don't have many friends??? Other than you and Lucy
worm: It makes me happy???
Airport Securities Menace: yeah don't worry they will all insist on being friends
worm: ahhhhhh
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
Srry to remind you Levy has four close friends but like gonna fuckin fix that shit.
Chapter 13: Lyon is a bitch boy
Summary:
" please no. "
" I'm gonna fucking do it. "
Notes:
Okay this is basically a lyon & ultear introduction and roasting (they will come up again I promise and half of the jokes are memes.) Also there's uh non serious threats made bc overprotective family. Also I don't really know what happened here? I just started writing and I spaced the fuck out while doing it so take this. There's a lot of hcs and shit. Also disabled Jellal!!! Because fuck you disabled people are valid and so is Jellal. It's also a personal hc of mine that he can't walk all the time and needs a wheelchair for when his legs won't work.
Trans kid chat (name changes a lot)
Gray- Baby Bro
Erza- Mother
Laxus- Wine Uncle
Rufus- Crazy Cousin
Rouge- The Only Cis Allowed
Sting- The Gremlin to factory reject dildo to simp
Jellal- Star Kick Ass
Lucy- Second child
Freed- BabyChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Lucy- Fight the man
Gray- Authority issuesA bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The PanAccident Prone Bitches
Gray
Natsu
Erza
LucyThe gays + the dumbasses
Gray- Thot supreme
Natsu- Simp 2.0 to Grays Bitch
Gajeel- Airport Securities Menace
Sting- Simp to Gay Bottom
Jellal- Thot™
Rouge- The Brain Cell
Laxus- The Drunk Relative
Erza- Eye See
Cobra- Snake
Wendy- The Good One
Lucy- HURTfila
Freed- Smol
Levy- worm
Ever- sparkleThe siblings & the hoes:
Gray
Erza
Natsu- 💞
Minerva
MiraOh? Same Dad
Natsu
Igneel
Sting
Freed
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The gays + the dumbasses
HURTfila: I'm gonna expose Natsu
HURTfila: who's all here?
Smol: me
worm: me now
sparkle: spill the tea
Thot™: I live for exposing Natsu
The Brain Cell: babe please
worm: let him have fun
Thot™: yeah babe let me have fun
Gay bottom: we support Jellal having fun in this house
sparkle: I support it
Snake: what are you exposing Natsu for?
HURTfila: I am so glad you asked
HURTfila:
Eye See: oh
Snake: what the fuck
HURTfila: So Gray is doing some yoga pose where his legs are over his head and it's super cool but also slightly terrifying
Gay bottom: does gray is bendy straw??? does is???
Eye See: yes gray is actually a contortionist
The Drunk Relative: google tells me that's horrifying
Eye See: it's disturbing whenever he does it
HURTfila: what's a contortionist???
Smol: google says by definition a contortionist is an entertainer who twists and bends their body into strange and unnatural positions.
HURTfila: thank you freed
The Drunk Relative: I am terrified
Eye See: I should get him to do it in front of you all
Thot™: I knew he was flexible because he can pole dance but goddamn
Smol: he can WHAT
sparkle: !!! finally someone who pole dances too!
Thot™: I also pole dance! We should do it together :)
sparkle: yes I'd like that
Eye See: you all are strong people
The Drunk Relative: I'm always amazed because the amount of strength it takes
sparkle: it is a good workout
Airport Securities Menace: oh cool
Thot™: I love all of you for not calling me a whore and a cheater immediately
Gay bottom: who did that
The Brain Cell: I just wanna talk :)
Airport Securities Menace: pole dancing is just an activity you do for fun tho
Thot™: exactly
Thot™: I am not dancing for anyone other than myself
HURTfila: I asked gray to show me his contortionist magic and I will have nightmares
Thot supreme: stop being dramatic it wasn't even anything cool
Eye See: ah
HURTfila: it was horrifying you wacky inflatable tube man
Airport Securities Menace: it is not
Airport Securities Menace: it's fun to draw him when he does it
Thot supreme: see Gajeel gets me
_________________
Accident Prone Bitches
Gray: h e y
Lucy: Jfc gray
Erza: I left you alone for FIVE MINUTES
Gray: it wasn't my fault tho
Lucy: sure Jan
Natsu: what did you do now
Gray: ;(
Erza: gray I swear
Gray: fine bitch
Gray: so I was sitting there being calm and civil and I was not starting shit I was on my phone
Gray: and this Motherfucker Comes Up To Me
Erza: I already hate this
Gray: tries to tell me I'm not allowed to fucking sit and then SOMEHOW this Motherfucker Knows Juvia so of course they start screaming at me and saying " oh if you would quit leading her on " and shit
Natsu: I swear to FUCK
Lucy: fucking EW
Gray: like first off I have A Boyfriend. I Don't Like Her. I've told her that to her face. She's also legally not allowed to be within thirty feet of me or else she gets arrested so
Lucy: oh my god
Erza: i-
Natsu: Jfc how badly did you fuck them up
Gray: it was self defense actually
Gray: so like at some point between me being snarky and them being upset they whip out a knife on me so I break their fucking wrist and kick them into a few tables
Gray: the cops are here and they are trying to arrest me which is rude
Gray: I didn't do SHIT but no one wants to listen to the trans man
Erza: I'm already here hold the fuck up
_________________
Lucy: I've arrived and seeing Erza murdering some cops verbally is great
Natsu: it's what they deserve
Gray: it rlly fuckin is
Natsu: if only they would actually be decent
Lucy: fuckin rt
Gray: massive rt
_________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Authority issues: yo bitch why aren't you answering ur phone
Fight the man: wym I don't have any call notifications???
Authority issues: did your dad block me again
Fight the man: gdi if he fucking did I swear
Authority issues: I can't stand that man
Fight the man: me and you both bitch
Fight the man: imagine him being a competent parent
Authority issues: careful you might break reality with that much bullshit
Fight the man: yeah anyways can I stay w/ you and erza this week
Authority issues: ofc bitch
Fight the man: bless I literally am losing my goddamn mind
Fight the man: he's being mad at me bc his company is being exposed for the illegal practices HE DID
Authority issues: Jfc
Fight the man: I know
Authority issues: just get over here bc you do not need to be around that
Fight the man: big bet
_________________
Oh? Same Dad
Natsu: y'all chill w/ the squad coming over?
Natsu: Lucy's dad is being a bitch again
Freed: of course we love lucy
Igneel: it's fine with me
Igneel: just ask the gremlins what they want from bubbles
Natsu: bet I'll report back
_________________
Natsu: okay so Laxus wants a 3 & a coke, Gajeel wants a 2 w/ lemonade, Wendy would like a 5 w/ sprite, Erza wants a 5 w/ dr p, Gray wants a 7 w/ fanta, Cobra wants a 6 w/ salt water (he needs more salt in his system), Lucy wants a 9 w/ a cherry pepsi, Levy wants a 3 & a grape soda, Sting wants a 8 w/ a Coke & Freed wants a 1 w/ a fanta (grape if they have it) and if they don't have the grape one then a Pepsi & ever wants a 4 w/ no bread (gluten allergy) and a Dr p
Igneel: alright the app says it will be there in 26 min
Natsu: bet
_________________
The gays + the dumbasses
The Good One: thanks for signing me out of school
Eye See: ofc fuck school
worm: erza no
Snake: no she's right
The Good One: she is
Thot™: school fucking sucks
Eye See: yes especially Wendy's middle school
The Good One: specifically my middle school
The Brain Cell: why the middle school? And before y'all come for me remember I didn't go to middle school here
Snake: fuck you joined high school right?
The Brain Cell: yeah
The Good One: it's because it's ablest
Thot™: god there's no RAMPS THERE
Thot™: do you understand how fucking hard it is TO GET A WHEELCHAIR UP A FUCKING STAIRCASE
Gay bottom: I hate that
The Good One: imagine trying to figure out how to do math when you are dyslexic and you don't have any accommodations that are respected
The Good One: because " it's all in your head "
Grays Bitch: dyslexia literally changes the actual structure of your goddamn brain " it's all in your head " my fucking ASS
Airport Securities Menace: I will fight that fucking school fuck what they say
The Good One: I just want to go one day without failing math
Thot supreme: remember that you try harder than any kid in that room & it's not your fault the school is shit
Grays Bitch: can't we just home school her?
Snake: bold of you to assume gray or erza have a laptop for that
Airport Securities Menace: or the money
Grays Bitch: they Do Now
The Good One: p l e a s e
Eye See: Natsu we can't ask you to do that
Grays Bitch: good thing you aren't asking then
The Good One: I'm going to cry
Grays Bitch: she's being homeschooled and Laxus can help her with math
The Drunk Relative: I'm what now
Grays Bitch: you know how you can just comprehend math
The Drunk Relative: ah yes I will teach Wendy math
Grays Bitch: who's good at what
Eye See: Grays a literal whiz at science he's been helping her for years
Smol: I am very good at english
worm: yes I am too
Smol: duo teachers
worm: bet
Airport Securities Menace: What classes does she even have? She'll definitely have the core classes but what would she even take for homeschooling?
Grays Bitch: Gray's getting her enrolled rn she'll start tomorrow but it's English, Science, History, Math. She's picking out electives from the list
Eye See: let me pull her out of school
Thot™: yes
Airport Securities Menace: lemme write this shit down so we don't forget
Airport Securities Menace: so English helpers are Freed & Levy?
Smol: yes
worm: We think I can read things out loud for her and then Freed can help her memorize the vocab and things like that
Airport Securities Menace: bet
Airport Securities Menace: And grays got science down?
Grays Bitch: yes
Airport Securities Menace: Laxus is helping with math
The Drunk Relative: yeah
Gay Bottom: I'll never understand how you comperhend math
The Drunk Relative: it's bc I'm bi
Airport Securities Menace: I can help w/ history
HURTfila: What's your plan
Snake: yeah share the plan
Airport Securities Menace: so I have ADHD and Dyslexia so I have a lot of tricks and I like history
Airport Securities Menace: it's a fixation for me but I used to do color coordinated vocab cards and my notes had a lot of color in them
Airport Securities Menace: I also tended to record the lecture (I wasn't allowed to do this but I did it anyways)
Airport Securities Menace: I also had two notebooks one for in class and the other was for out of class for when I could organize my notes and have clear handwriting because I'm not having to rush or keep up with the teacher
The Good One: !!!! I didn't know you have dyslexia
Airport Securities Menace: yuh Natsu has it too so does Rouge and Sting and Laxus
The Drunk Relative: after so many years with it you truly just master how to deal with it
Gay bottom: yeah
The Brain Cell: yes definitely it's like having a pet the more time you have with them the more you know them
The Good One: ah that makes sense
_________________
DM
Gray: So uh something just happened
Erza: what is it?
Gray: so you know lyon? My technically adoptive brother who blamed me for Ur?
Erza: oh god
Gray: he called me
Gray: left a uh pretty fucked up voicemail
Erza: fuck what did he say
Gray: hold on I'll play it and let speech to text type this shit out
Erza: fair enough
Gray: " Hey Gray if this even still is your number. You know how Ur dying was your fault? That it was you who caused her to die? Remember when I said that? Well uh I was really wrong. Super wrong. I was a dumbass kid who didn't understand that cancer isn't something that's given to people and-sobs-I am really sorry. You didn't deserve that. I yelled at you when you were just as hurt as I was. It's not like either of us had anyone else but her at that time. But uh I'm sorry. You didn't deserve it. "
Erza: shit
Erza: well he finally realized he was wrong
Erza: but why does that bother you
Gray: I don't know
Gray: it's fuck I don't I never thought he would understand that
Gray: it hurts a little to know it took him this fucking long
Erza: at least he reached that point
Gray: yeah
Erza: wanna watch a movie to feel better
Gray: please
_________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Eye See: we are watching a movie because Gray is sad
worm: that's valid does he have a preference
Smol: I want to know what made him sad
sparkle: and if I can punch it
Eye See: we'll see bc he kinda still cares about them so hold off on the punching
The Brain Cell: does gray wanna watch frozen?
Eye See: he nodded
The Brain Cell: lemme steal stings projector
Grays Bitch: I have hot cocoa who wants some
The Good One: me please
Airport Securities Menace: I asked everyone and they all said yes so
Grays Bitch: thank u child
Airport Securities Menace: fuck off
_________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
Gray- The Bi
Natsu- The Pan
The Bi: I'm ready to tell u
The Pan: are you sure?
The Bi: yeah
The Bi: I uh so I was in the foster care system because you know why but I was fostered by a woman named Ur, she had a daughter already and another foster kid. So um when the cancer took Ur they both kinda blamed me and lyon the foster kid kinda screamed at me and Ultear (her daughter) kicked me out and I spent the entire time in the foster care system until I turned eighteen.
The Bi: so it's kinda a touchy subject for me
The Bi: because on one hand I'm mad at them for blaming me for Urs fucking cancer it's not like I can give people cancer it's not-
The Pan: it wasn't your fault
The Bi: yeah it wasn't.
The Bi: after that I met Erza tho so
The Bi: but I just I hate them kinda for doing that to me
The Pan: you have a right to be angry
The Bi: I just I thought we were a family I didn't expect to be just dropped
The Pan: they are fucked for doing that.
The Bi: yeah they are.
_________________
Erza glances at the phone in Grays hand. The phone number is one she doesn't recognize but Gray's pained expression and teary eyes tells her everything. She grabs the device and clicks the answer button before it can dial out.
" Hello? Who is this? "
" You aren't Gray. "
" No I'm not. But he doesn't want to talk to you right now. So who is this? "
" Lyon. "
" You son of a bitch. "
" That's fair. "
" I don't know why you think you have the right to call him. "
" I just wasn't sure if he got my apology. "
" He did. And quite frankly I wish he would just block you already. "
" Fair enough. "
" It's more than fair. As his family, I'm never going to let you be anywhere near him. "
" Family? "
" Yes. And I won't just blame him and throw him out. "
" I severely fucked up there. That's pretty much what I did. "
" Could you please tell Ultear I said she has one chance and if she messes up and hurts him I will not hesitate. "
" Uh yeah sure I can. "
" Gray is very loved and he has a wonderful family who would plot your death in a second. You ever hurt him again and I swear to you it will not be pretty. As of now he's still uncertain if he even wants to talk to you. And I hope he makes a decision that makes him happy. "
" I hope he does too. I never want to hurt him again. "
" That's good. You have one chance and I swear a hand to God if you hurt him ever I will hang you. Or maybe I'll just let his boyfriend set you on fire. Depends. "
" He has a boyfriend? "
" Yes he does and at least I know his boyfriend isn't a piece of shit. So goodbye Lyon and remember Gray's not defenseless against your bullshit anymore. "
She hangs up and hands the phone back. " Erza that was unnecessary. '' Gray huffs, placing his phone back in his pocket. " You handed me the phone. " She retorts.
_________________
DM
Lyon: Uh someone answered and it wasn't Gray
Ultear: oh?
Lyon: she said she's gray's family
Lyon: and apparently he has a boyfriend now
Ultear: ah that's good!
Lyon: yeah even if she threatened to hang me and let his boyfriend set me on fire
Ultear: it is deserved through
Lyon: yeah it is
Ultear: I'm glad he has a family
Lyon: I am too
Lyon: I just hope he's happy. And safe.
Ultear: I do too.
Lyon: uh the lady also had a message for you?
Ultear: what was it?
Lyon: do you want word for word or summarizing?
Ultear: word for word
Lyon: " Could you please tell Ultear I said she has one chance and if she messes up and hurts him I will not hesitate. "
Ultear: that's fair
Lyon: yeah it's less graphic than what she told me
Ultear: surprising
Lyon: he apparently has a family that would plot my death so
Ultear: protective that's good
Lyon: yeah I'm just glad he found them
Lyon: it's not like we did him any favors
Ultear: true we definitely did not.
_________________
ChIcKeN nUgGeTs
Authority issues: help I handed erza my phone because Lyon called me
Authority issues: and she threatened to hang him
Fight the man: hell yeah!
Authority issues: no not hell yeah
Fight the man: she's right she would hang him too
Authority issues: don't remind me
Fight the man: accept that you are loved you dumbass
Authority issues: jsjdjdjd
Authority issues: I know that but was the multiple threats upon his life really needed?
Fight the man: yes
_________________
The gays + the dumbasses
HURTfila: say rt if you think Erza was right to make multiple threats on lyons life
Smol: rt
The Good One: rt
worm: rt
sparkle: rt
Snake: rt
The Brain Cell: rt
Gay Bottom: rt
Thot™: rt
Airport Securities Menace: rt
The Drunk Relative: rt
Eye See: rt
Grays Bitch: rt
Thot supreme: you fuckers
Eye See: my opinion is the only one that matters
Grays Bitch: I especially liked when she said she might let me set him on fire
Thot supreme: ba b e
Thot™: he's right
Gay bottom: the appeal of watching lyon run around on fire like a headless chicken sounds satisfying
HURTfila: listen gray we love you and he deserves it
Thot supreme: y'all fucking suck stop threatening to murder people
worm: no
Airport Securities Menace: coward
Thot supreme: what did you just say to me
Airport Securities Menace: dad ur a fucking coward
Thot supreme: THATS FUCKING IT
Eye See: are you fucking calling him
worm: gray oh my god
_________________
" Gray? "
" Listen here YOU FUCKING BITCH "
" Whoo! Get his ass! " Gajeel calls loudly.
" Destroy him! " Jellal crackles from his wheelchair.
" I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT! FUCKING TRY ME AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I WONT EVEN WAIT FOR MY SISTER TO FUCKING MURDER YOU. ILL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS MY GODDAMN SELF DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? "
" Y-yes "
" Lyon who's yelling? "
" Uh Gray? He's um upset. "
" He called you? "
" ULTEAR YOU FUCKING BITCH! "
" Hello Gray. "
" I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS TOO I DONT GIVE A FUCK THAT YOU ARE A GIRL. "
" Ah I would be offended if you did. "
" I swear to fuck the both of you, if you test me I will fucking break both of your skulls in. Now Lyon quit fucking calling me at Three Am crying you bitch boy. "
" I'm not a bitch boy! "
" You fucking are. Mr ' Waaaahhhhh I'm upset I fucked up so I'm gonna call the person I hurt at three in the fucking morning. ' Whine at me again and I'll kick you through a wall. "
" I wasn't whining! I was apologizing! "
Natsu yells from his spot next to Gray. " At three in the fucking morning?! Bitch I was sleeping! I was having a peaceful fucking dream! "
" Oh I'm sorry gray's boyfriend. "
" Oh so you are sorry to him but not fucking me?! I have a sob instagram story sitting in my fucking voice mail! "
" Roast his ass Gray! " Lucy cheers.
" How many people are even listening to this?! "
" Around five. Well more than five. "
" Lyons' new name is Bitch Boy. '' Rouge monotones with a shit eating grin.
" Please no. "
" They are certainly funny. "
" Ultear please. "
" What bitch boy? You can't take shit talk? God I can't imagine what a wimp you are. "
" He's probably a fucking twink too. " Laxus jokes, Lucy dies from laughter in her chair.
" With a whiney fucking voice like that? " Gajeel raises an eyebrow at his boyfriend, " He probably weighs like 90 pounds. "
Jellal wheezes loudly. " Holy shit he's like those pastel twinks. " The comment sends Gray into a fit of laughter.
" I am not a twink! "
" Then quit sounding like one bitch boy! " Sting calls, making everyone roar with laughter. " I can't breathe! " Erza gasps, leaning against his side.
" Oh my god babe if you don't put his name as bitch boy in your contacts I will fight. " Gray blinks down at Natsu. " Bold of you to assume you'd win. But bet. "
" Gray please don't make that my contact name. "
Gray raises an eyebrow. " Then stop being a bitch boy. " Lyon groans loudly from the other side of the line. Erza snorts grabbing Gray's phone after he's done making Lyon's contact name Bitch Boy. " Hello. " She says into the speaker.
Immediately there's a thud and a yelp.
" Oh god. "
" Yes I know I'm terrifying. Don't feel bad about pissing your pants. "
Gray is sent into another fit of laughter with Natsu. " It's true though she's scary has fuck. '' Lucy comments grinning. " Oh definitely, she's terrifying because you just know she can back up what she says. " Jellal nods solemnly with Laxus' statement. Natsu snickers.
" Oh wait is that the asshole that hurt my brother? " Wendy appears from the stairs, head tilted. Erza nods. " Can I speak to him? "
" Sure. " Erza hands the phone over.
" Lyon Vastia I will find you and I will wave your decapitated head in front of your weeping sister if you dare hurt my brother again. " Erza muffles her laughter in her hand. Gajeel looks ridiculously proud while Sting fake wipes away a tear. Jellal catches his eyes and mouths we taught her well.
" Please don't do that. "
" Where's Ultear? " Freed muffles his laughter behind his hand.
" I can get her for you. " Gray can hear the fear in his voice. He grins. Good.
" Please do. " Wendy looks murderous.
" Hello? "
" Ultear Milkovich. " The evil grin on Lucy's face matches Erza's.
" How do you know my name? "
" The moment you try to treat Gray like you did when Ur died I will make sure you end up buried right next to her. I don't care if I have to kill you first or if I just choose to bury you alive. Just know your days are numbered the moment you hurt him. "
Gajeel slaps a hand over his mouth to stop his laughter. Laxus pats his shoulder. Ever shakes her head at all of them but she's smiling.
" Okay. "
" I'm glad we could come to this understanding. " They hang up immediately afterwards.
_________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Thot supreme: we definitely traumatized them
sparkle: wild almost seems as if karma exists
Snake: yes
Smol: I can't believe Wendy threatened to wave a man's decapitated head on a stick
The Good One: it was deserved
worm: y'all are wild but it's great
Thot supreme: I told you you would fit in dumby
HURTfila: I also told her that
Airport Securities Menace: I did too
worm: sjjdjdjd
Thot™: what did we even do without levy honestly
Eye See: who knows
The Drunk Relative: she's very small and it scares me
Airport Securities Menace: me too
worm: i-
Thot supreme: god mood like just anyone can snatch her? And if does not make me feel better
HURTfila: You also feel that way abt me tho
Grays Bitch: remember when that guy picked you up randomly and I had to beat his ass for it?
HURTfila: fuck
worm: sjdjjdkd oh my god I get it I'm short and tiny
Airport Securities Menace: you aren't allowed to go out in public by yourself
worm: I am a grown ass woman
HURTfila: yeah let her do what she wants
Gay bottom: no
Thot supreme: levy and you are the shortest here and it's a crime
worm: what abt Wendy then
The Good One: I never go anywhere by myself because I am twelve
Eye See: exactly
The Good One: I also have Anxiety
Snake: she's also taller than you are
Thot supreme: she's also my sister so like fuck I'm gonna let her go anywhere by herself
sparkle: and in this town? You want a twelve year old girl to go out by herself? How many men hit on you everytime you walk outside
Eye See: exactly this is why we go in pairs or not at all
HURTfila: that's actually fair
worm: I can't even argue because a man backed off from flirting with me when he learned I'm twenty
The Good One: I don't like going by myself anywhere because of this
Eye See: I understand
The Brain Cell: why do you think we walk to classes together Lucy
HURTfila: i-
The Brain Cell: I swear
Gay bottom: hon-
Thot supreme: I literally pick you & Levy up from fucking classes
sparkle: father I have a question
Thot supreme: yes?
sparkle: can you please pick me up from classes on Wednesdays and Tuesdays?
Thot supreme: of course
Thot supreme: do you go to the college close to here or the one that's purple
sparkle: the close one
worm: we just meet up at the front of the school
HURTfila: What's your last class those days?
sparkle: It's E-25 and it ends at 2
Thot supreme: nice y'all's classes end at 2
worm: that's actually right by my class!!! wait outside for me and we'll go and get Lucy together
sparkle: okay
Eye See: why do you only need a ride those two days?
sparkle: my friend usually picks me up but he has work those days
Smol: ah right Bixlow has that new schedule now
sparkle: yeah
Thot supreme: bixlow like the dude who refuses to wear his fuckin glasses
Smol: yeah he's our friend
Thot supreme: that Motherfucker
The Drunk Relative: hey he's my idiot don't be mean
Thot supreme: I'm fully allowed to be salty because he cryptically told me it was weird I had so many children and then refused to fucking say how he knows the exact number
sparkle: sjdjkdkd that sounds exactly like him
The Drunk Relative: you know what carry on
Airport Securities Menace: bixlow is a fucking trip
Grays Bitch: he really is we need to add his ass
Thot supreme: bet when it's not like 2am
The Brain Cell: why do none of us sleep
Snake: the trauma
Notes:
Thanks for reading. And yes it was longer than usual. Like 4380 words????
Chapter 14: Gray is officially titled the mean one of the group of assholes
Summary:
That's it. That's all that fucking happens.
Notes:
Hello so nothing triggering but like stories of Jellal, Natsu and Gray being mean is definitely shared but I don't think it's triggering. Tell me if you want me to put a tag or something!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Trans household
Crazy Cousin: listen up a ten is speaking
Baby Bro: you mean a child
Crazy Cousin: what did I Fucking Say
Star Kick Ass: the whore is sorry
Baby: continue rufus
Crazy Cousin: thank you
Wine Uncle: …
Crazy Cousin: so you guys know that lit has fuck bakery we all usually go to in the morning?
Second child: yes? Did something happen to it
Crazy Cousin: no something happened near it but anyways
Crazy Cousin: I was walking back from it on my way to Minerva's w/ food bc that's how it be and this BITCH
Crazy Cousin: so she's like maybe 6ft tall and I may be 5'7 but that will not stop me
Crazy Cousin: so she just YELLS YOU LOOK LIKE A BOOTLEG ELF AND IM SO OFFENDED
Baby Bro: hahaha get fucking REKTED
Mother: like legolas?
Crazy Cousin: YES
Wine Uncle: I hate to say it but I see it
Crazy Cousin: you will be the first to die
Star Kick Ass: I can't breathe
The Only Cis Allowed: can confirm he's just wheezing on the floor
Star Kick Ass: fuck you I like the floor
simp: why are y'all ignoring me
simp: OH HOLY SHIT
Second child: I thought rufus died and I would have held onto that until I saw him at the fuckin store
Crazy Cousin: that's fair Actually
Mother: you are offline more than half the time rufus
Baby Bro: yeah asshole talk more
Crazy Cousin: I'm literally in a call w/ you and erza rn I will hang the fuck up
Baby Bro: don't you dare I'm still talking shit
Crazy Cousin: f I n e
_______________________
A bi & a pan walk into a bar
The Bi: consider that barry b benson would never
The Pan: the bastard sued all of humanity he fucking would
The Bi: everyone has a chaotic side
The Pan: his was lying to gain girls
The Bi: you have a point
The Pan: yes anyways do you want cookies love?
The Bi: sjjdjdjdjd YES
_______________________
The Pan: babe my asscheeks are too thicc for that
The Bi: no they aren't
The Pan: YES THEY ARE
The Bi: BULLSHIT
_______________________
The gays + the dumbasses
Grays Bitch: YES GRAY MY ASSCHEEKS ARE TOO THICC
Smol: what the literal fuck did I just read
Eye See: what conversations are you two having
Thot supreme: listen we were talking abt sneaking around town and Natsu said the clap of his asscheeks would wake the town up
Snake: that doesn't help my eyes unsee it
The Brain Cell: Natsu's been quiet
Thot supreme: he's crying in our chat
Grays Bitch: babe I sent that IN THE SAME CHAT WENDY IS IN
Gay Bottom: rest in pieces
Eye See: I love that Rouge and Sting and Jellal only add to conversations after one of them has said something
Thot™: wow just snatch my weave
Gay Bottom: erza just exposing us like she doesn't go into Jellal's job and kiss her girlfriend repeatdly
Eye See: Fuck You Mira Is Beautiful
Thot™: she is but like hon
Eye See: fuck you
HURTfila: I've watched you and sting kiss rouge before each berry you fed him
HURTfila: in public
HURTfila: in the middle of a crowded restaurant
The Brain Cell: I'm just going to shut the fuck up now
Thot supreme: and you made out with both of them right in front of an entire group of people you kinky bitch
Gay Bottom: Wow Fuck You
_______________________
Airport Securities Menace: I have a question
sparkle: yes what is it
Airport Securities Menace: so who's the meanest out of all of us
Airport Securities Menace: all of us are assholes but I wanna know who's the most asshole
Gay Bottom: it's not me
sparkle: or me I don't get too mean
worm: it's definitely not me I hate arguments
Snake: it's definitely a tie between Natsu and Gray.
Airport Securities Menace: I can see that
Snake: I'm not kidding Natsu has a fucking mouth on him
Grays Bitch: why y'all talking shit
Airport Securities Menace: are you an asshole
Grays Bitch: depends
Eye See: normally I would agree with you but we are all forgetting Jellal
Snake: so it's a tie between those three?
Eye See: yes
Eye See: the rest of us will get mean but those three always get worse than mean they go to the extreme to beat your ass
Grays Bitch: wow
Thot supreme: I dedicate my life to the gay and this is the thanks I get?
Thot™: damn fuck you erza
Airport Securities Menace: I need examples tho maybe we can find out who's the meanest of the three
HURTfila: I've watched Gray take a girls drink and dump it over her head then he laughed and hit her in the head with the cup
Eye See: I've witnessed Gray make a grown man burst into tears by talking. Gray had roasted him into oblivion
sparkle: not too long ago I saw Gray slam dunk someone into a trash can and say " now you are where you belong. "
Snake: I've seen Natsu lose his shit and the first thing out of his mouth was: And where's your fucking mom? I gotta tell her she didn't give birth to a kid she sat on the toilet and took a shit
The Drunk Relative: Natsu has said this with a straight face when we were joking around about Ticktok sounds: and what shoes she got on? In her casket? He recited the entire fucking thing without even glancing up from his phone
The Brain Cell: I've watched Sting & Natsu do this, so like we were vibing in high school and someone was starting shit with Sting and I don't remember why but Sting says " You want me to wake up my best friend? " And they go " Wake him up. " So Sting turns and yells at Natsu: " Wake up best friend and beat their fucking asses. " And Natsu got up and immediately squared up no questions asked just decked the leader so hard he knocked over a desk
Gay Bottom: once Jellal got into an argument with Cobra and immediately the first thing out of his mouth when he started to get mad was: Why are you fucking stupid? And got in his face yelling: Stupid fucking bitch! You don't even know what three times four is! You dropped out of fucking high school!
worm: Jellal lost his shit with a group of guys during high school and he was yelling: THATS IT IM GONNA GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND FUCK YOUR MOM & immediately decked one of them
The Good One: Once my teachers were being mean to me so Jellal rolls up and screams at them. He said; " Where's your fucking brain? Where is it? Is it fucking gone? Not surprised I've been here for five minutes and I already want to get as far as I can from you! "
Airport Securities Menace: I can't decide
HURTfila: I feel like Gray's scarier
Eye See: Jellal is the meanest
Eye See: didn't even hesitate to roast the fuck out of cobra
Snake: that's true
Thot™: I've been nothing but nice to you people
Snake: BULLSHIT
Thot supreme: I shouldn't be happy I got labeled has the most scary
Thot supreme: Natsu's scarier than Jellal tho
Thot™: that's fair enough
Airport Securities Menace: so has a physical threat it's Natsu. Has a verbal threat it's Jellal. And for the combo it's Gray.
Eye See: seems about right
worm: yeah
The Good One: that's accurate
sparkle: doesn't that make Gray the meanest?
Airport Securities Menace: fuck
The Drunk Relative: once again gray superpasing everyone's expectations of how mean he is
Thot supreme: damn fuck you guys
Grays Bitch: love you just called Lucy to tell them to die.
Thot supreme: Shut Ur Up.
Notes:
Thank you for reading