It’s me, George.
Or GeorgeNotFound, as you probably know from YouTube.
I’m pretty sure you identify me as a friend of Dream’s and that’s probably also how you found out about me in the first place.
A description of myself?
Just a 23-year-old guy playing Minecraft and joking around with his idiot friends while getting flustered every so often whenever somebody would ask him to say the three famous words to his best friend.
And even though I deny it everywhere on the Internet and sometimes like to think it is not the case, it definitely is true.
I have a crush on said best friend.
And I’ve had one for quite some time now.
Now you might ask, why haven’t I asked him out or at least shown some kind of hints towards him?
The thing is, and that is the problem, a few months ago my friend flew over to London so we could finally meet up. During the time he stayed at my place, he didn’t only have a panic attack, I also thought he behaved a little off the whole time. My worst assumptions turned out true when he confessed to me that he had mental health problems, overthought everything all the time and basically put a fake personality on whenever he was on the Internet. Basically, he had told me just about everything he had been going through all the time.
I still don’t know the whole story, but I know enough to know that right now, under no circumstances it would be a good point in time to tell him about my feelings.
Another burden on his shoulders while he’s trying so hard getting rid of the ones he’s already carrying? No thanks.
And even though my heart broke a little more as I reminded myself that I probably also would have to live in denial for the next upcoming months, if not more, I also couldn’t be irresponsible and confess to said best friend.
My phone chirmed in my lap, just as I finished putting my thoughts together again.
I picked it up, unlocked the device and saw three new messages.
Dream: U up?
Dream: Let’s record the vid now :)
Dream: Only if ur free ofc
Speaking of the devil, huh?
I put my phone on my desk, opened Discord on my computer and answered a quick “Sure” before joining the recording voice channel, just to find Dream already waiting there for me.
We fell into an easy chatter before we finally started recording, my mood lightening up significantly with each passing minute.
Surely, I could just tell him, right?
Surely, all of his problems were already long gone, right?
I sighed, most surely no and no, they were not.
“Everything ok?”, I heard Dream saying, a slight concern hearable in his voice.
“Yeah of course.”, I answered half absently.
The last thing he needed was me to be selfish and put my stupid feelings over his health.
Just about three hours later, I found myself screaming of pure joy because we were just about to beat another “Minecraft but” challenge that Dream had come up with a couple of days ago.
I pressed my finger more into the W-key, desperately trying to sprint faster than it was technically possible.
Dream was wheezing like a kettle, as usual, as he watched me sprinting towards the dragon, trying to get the last hit before it would rise into the air and evaporate into pure XP.
When the “Free the End” achievement popped up in the bottom left corner of my screen, I wasn’t even paying attention anymore, I just sat there and tried not to die of laughter.
We quickly completed the “Extra Scenes” video for Dream’s second channel, before he pressed the “End recording” button and we fell into a comfortable silence.
There was also another reason why I kept thinking about Dream’s and my relationship.
Clay had invited me to fly over to Florida and the departure date was just a little less than a week away.
I chuckled, noticing the similarities between this trip and the last one. This time I would be the one to fly to Clay’s, and maybe, just maybe, I would be the one to confess something, to tell the truth about my feelings.
Getting up, I stretched and made my way to the kitchen, grabbing something eatable out of the fridge.
I should support my friend during these difficult times, so that’s what I was going to do.
Five very rainy days later, I shot the sky an annoyed glance for not clearing up and started packing my suitcase. I didn’t only sigh when I saw the mess in front of me, I also felt a mix of anticipation and a tad of panic bubbling up inside of me.
So much had changed since our last meetup and now in less than 24 hours I would be able to stand next to Clay finally again.
Shaking my head and turning my focus back to the mess that was my room, I started folding my T-shirts and various other articles of clothing, putting them neatly into my suitcase.
That night I actually went to bed early, so I wouldn’t be that sleep deprived the next day. I mean, sure, jet lag and all exists, but I still didn’t want to waste too much time I could spend with my best friend by passing out and sleeping all the time.
Dog popped his head into my room right as I was falling asleep, looking at me with those puppy eyes I wasn’t able to resist. Oh, being a dog would be so much easier. You’d always have that one person you know you can trust and turn to, your owner. Your whole world would revolve around him, food and squirrels outside the window. And all of that would come by instinct. No overthinking, no way to break relationships, no need to think about falling in love in the first place.
By the time I had exited my thoughts again, Dog had laid down, her eyes still fixed on me, her tail still wagging excitedly.
Sighing softly, I got up, picked her up gently and carried the small pup back into her dog bed. I quietly walked away, looking back at her one more time before doing so. The last thing I remember from that day before finally going to bed, is Dog sitting there, her eyes looking straight into mine, her tail wagging and her head slightly tilted, almost as if she could understand what I was going through internally.