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I can't deal with emotions so I text instead

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1:18pm 15th Sept
Cornnuts added Ihavethebraincell to the conversation

Cornnuts: It’s been three weeks

Ihavethebraincell: since what????

Thegrinch: dw heathers just a cryptic texter half the time

Thegrinch: shes referring to when you joined us in hell

Ihavethebraincell: oh cool

Goldenretriever: Hi Ronnie!!!!!

Ihavethebraincell: hey mac!!!

Ihavethebraincell: very noice username

Goldenretriever: Thx!!!!!!!!

Cornnuts: FJSHJKFHJSHJHFGHJH

Cornnuts: EXCUSE ME

Cornnuts: MY USERNAME IS FUCKING AMAZING

Thegrinch: its about fucking corn nuts

Ihavethebraincell: urs is about the grinch tho?

Thegrinch: yeah cos i despise christmas like the grinch

Thegrinch: heather just likes corn nuts

Ihavethebraincell: lmao why do u not like christmas

Thegrinch: cos my extended family are annoying as fuck and i hate them

Ihavethebraincell: reasonable

Cornnuts: Me and grinch girl chose heathers username as she is pure innocence and to wholesome for this cruel world

Thegrinch: *grinch girl and i

Cornnuts: Fuck you grinch binch

Thegrinch changed their username to Grinchbinch

Grinchbinch: thank you for referring to me as my full name

Goldenretriever: Lol you all think Im innocent

Goldenretriever: Jokes on you Im a bastard

Goldenretriever: Anyway whats your userbame supposed to mean

Grinchbinch: userbame

Goldenretriever: I cant believe that this is where our friendship ends

Grinchbinch: bruv u wish

Cornnuts: Did you just say bruv

Cornnuts: BRUV

Grinchbinch: ye

Goldenretriever: Let Veronica answer the question about her username!!!!

Ihavethebraincell: lol its cos me,jd and betty have like one braincell and i have it most the time

Ihavethebraincell: hence my 2000iq

Cornnuts: What about dumptruck

Ihavethebraincell: firstly dunnstock secondly shes a funtual human being unlike betty whos fucking feral, jd whose an angsty emo and me whos just sad

Cornnuts: Right whatever then i forget calling her that gets you all riled up

Ihavethebraincell: yea cos shes my friend

Grinchbinch: oOF

Grinchbinch: destroy her ass ronnie

Cornnuts: Shut up Heather

Grinchbinch: sorry heather

Snurch
1:38pm 15th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: hi welcome to another episode of im regretting all of my life choices that lead up to where i am rn

Feralchild: oof sucks to be u

Martha<3: Oh no Ronnie, what did you do?

Martha<3: And that’s not nice JD! What is she’s in serious trouble!

Feralchild: im sure shes fine like the worst that could happen is an accidental murder

Notasferalchild: How tf can a murder be accidental

Notasferalchild: Like murder is intentanal

Feralchild: fine if it was accidental it wouldve been manslaughter

Martha<3:We are going off topic!

Martha<3: Ok so Ronnie, what’s happened?

Ihavethebraincell: its nothing serious im just questioning why i chose to join the heathers

Notasferalchild: questioning that as well

Ihavethebraincell: like one minute were just chatting and then the next duke and chandler are in mood with eachother while me and mac just kinda stand there unsure of what to do

Ihavethebraincell: and then theyll insult one of youse and then be surprised when im upset

Ihavethebraincell: its just really draining being friends with them

Ihavethebraincell: well friend is a bit of a stretch their more like coworkers and our job is being popular and shit

Martha<3: I’m sorry you feel like that Ronnie. Just remember that we’re always here for you [heart emoji x3]

Ihavethebraincell: thanks yall

Notasferalchild: omg jds rubbing off on u

Notasferalchild: dont become southern on me bitch

Feralchild: no join me in the depths of hell

Martha<3: Hey are you all able to hang out tonight?

Ihavethebraincell: yep

Notasferalchild: u see ronnie that is how you refer to everybody

Notasferalchild: and ye im able to hang

Feralchild: i aint got nothing else to do so ill come

Martha<3: Okie dokie! Should we meet at the park at 4pm?

Martha<3: We would be able to hang at mine but it’s my turn to walk Lenny so… yeah.

Ihavethebraincell: thats cool well meet there then

Notasferalchild: am gonna steal ur dog martha

Ihavethebraincell: betty no

Notasferalchild: betty yes

Martha<3: Don’t worry Betty, I’ll let you walk Lenny :).

Notasferalchild: hgfdhgshjdgfhjdsgddhj

Notasferalchild: martha what did i do to deserve you

Martha<3: Being my friend.

Notasferalchild: ok im just going to happy cry goodbye

Martha<3: Nooooo don’t cry

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3:05pm 15th Sept

Cornnuts: @Ihavethebraincell Tonight

Ihavethebraincell: ???????

Grinchbinch: she just want you over at hers tonight

Ihavethebraincell: oh thx

Ihavethebraincell: sorry cant me martha betty and jd already have plans

Cornnuts: delete them

Ihavethebraincell: my friends or the plans????????

Cornnuts: Both

Cornnuts: Preferably

Cornnuts deleted two messages

Ihavethebraincell: i saw them

Cornnuts deleted Ihavethebraincell’s message

Cornnuts: The plans

Cornnuts: Delete the plans

Ihavethebraincell: right…

Ihavethebraincell: that isnt going to happen

Ihavethebraincell: ive flaked on them enough times already from joining your little lipgloss gestapo

Cornnuts: Fine then tomorrow morning your history

Cornnuts: Unless you can convince me otherwise ;)

Ihavethebraincell: ok then…

Ihavethebraincell: tf

Cornnuts kicked Ihavethebraincell out of Traffic Lights

Cornnuts: Fuck

Cornnuts: Fuck fuck fuck fuck

Goldenretriever: Heather…

Goldenretriever: You shouldnt have done that

Cornnuts: I KNOW I SHLOULDNR HAVE DOME THAT

Grinchbinch: here we see the texts between a useless lesbian and her calm friend 2020 colourized

Cornnuts: SHUT UP HEATHER

Grinchbinch: sorry heather

Cornnuts: YKNOW WHAT FUCK IT IF SHE REALLY WANTS TO BE IN THE HEATHERS THEN SHE BETTER FUCKING COME AND BEG

Snurch
4:30pm 15th Sept

Martha<3: Betty stop yelling

Notasferalchild: THIS FUCKER HAS NO GAG REFLEXE

Feralchild: reflexe

Notasferalchild: U DONT GET TO SPEAK U DEEP THROAT FUCKER

Feralchild: how tf else are u supposed to eat an ice lollie

Notasferalchild: FUCKING BITING IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

Ihavethebraincell: who tf bites a ice lolly

Feralchild: WHO THE FUCK DOESNT

Ihavethebraincell: M E B I C T H

Martha<3: Betty I don’t think most people bite ice lollies

Notasferalchild: well fuck them there doing it wrong

Notasferalchild: the only person who is allowed to not bite ice lollies is lenny

Feralchild: the only valid licker tbh

Feralchild: wait

Feralchild: no

Ihavethebraincell: image01.jpg
[JD is sat on a bench with a fruit pastel ice lolly in his mouth looking at his phone, eyebrows furrowed]

Notasferalchild: in fuvking cxackling

Notasferalchild: amd distgustaed tha u can fit a entire ice lol in ur mouth

Martha<3: Is it not hurting your mouth at all?

Martha<3: Like they’re really thick

Feralchild: theyre dummy thicc

Ihavethebraincell: im just going to start carrying around a spray bottle of soapy water so i can spray u when u say shit like this