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I can't deal with emotions so I text instead

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1:18pm 14th Oct

 

Footballstar: hey duke whatt the fuck

 

Grinchbinch: what???

 

Footballstar: no normal fucking person just puts a whole chocolate egg in their mouth

 

Grinchbinch: fuck you

 

Grinchbinch: they are hard to just bite

 

Snurch

8:07am 15th Oct

 

Notasferalchild: it is eight in the fucking morning and i have already recieveed several fucking texts off of a dead group chat

 

Notasferalchild: the first one from two in the morning and it says “october is the month of the gays”

 

Feralchild: ah yes gay spooky month

 

Ihavethebraincell: hoe i know how lonely you are what other group chats are you in

 

Notasferalchild: a surprising amount

 

Notasferalchild: they include

 

Notasferalchild: cumbrian sluts

 

Notasferalchild: spekal breeds

 

Notasferalchild: group therapy

 

Notasferalchild: and eye daddy my beloved

 

Feralchild: all of these are beautiful

 

Notasferalchild: one of these is a family group chat :)

 

Feralchild: i dont like that

 

Notasferalchild: :)

 

Martha<3: JD can go from like normal depressed emo to I am a little shit look at me go in a surprising amount of time

 

Ihavethebraincell: he just has a lot of spite in him

 

Notasferalchild: i do :)

 

Feralchild: oki but are just going to ignore that one of those is a family group chat

 

Ihavethebraincell: yeah what is that about

 

Ihavethebraincell: like my families gc is just chris stop being overprotective

 

Feralchild: how dare your family speak shit of your grandad

 

Feralchild: your grandad is the nicest fucker i have ever met

 

Martha<3: My families is still Quiz Time from like 2 years ago

 

Lowercase Gang

5:49pm 16th Oct

 

Grinchbinch: why the fuck is our name not in full lowercase?????

 

Footballstar: idk you made the group

 

Grinchbinch: i thought you did

 

Footballstar: fucken look back to when it was made

 

Grinchbinch: okay then

 

Grinchbinch: oh no

 

Grinchbinch: what have i done

 

Grinchbinch changed the groupchats name to lowercase gang

 

Grinchbinch: IT HAS BEEN FIXED

 

Grinchbinch: WE ARE NOT GOING TO MENTION THIS EVER AGAIN

 

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12:53pm 17th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: I hope the royal families necromancer is having a good day today

 

Cornnuts: He must have enough for retirement by now hes been working on old phil for the past 2 decades

 

Goldenretriever: Ikr

 

Goldenretriever: And hell have that job for a lot longer as well as long as we keep any sour patch kids away from him

 

Cornnuts: Gotta keep the 8th grade vsco girls out of london too

 

Goldenretriever: Yep

 

Cornnuts: Well have to be sorry for the queen when he finally goes shell lose her husband and her cousin on the same day

 

Goldenretriever: So sad

 

Cornnuts: So sad

 

Snurch

5:29pm 18th Oct

 

Feralchild: who wants to make a long furby with me

 

Martha<3: Hey Betty what the fuck

 

Feralchild:

The image is of a black and yellow plaid long furby on an outside chair

 

Feralchild: him

 

Ihavethebraincell: as martha said what the fuck

 

Notasferalchild: we should make one

 

Feralchild: yesssss jd gets it

 

Ihavethebraincell: guys please no

 

Itscominghome to Footballstar

7:36am 19th Oct

 

Itscominghome: Hey

 

Footballstar: what do you want

 

Itscominghome: Bit unwelcome arent you gays always going on about how everyones equal and being mean is bad

 

Footballstar: some do i dont care about taht shit though

 

Footballstar: anyway why are you texting me

 

Footballstar: seeing as the last time you did that you called me a traitor to the football team and the f slur

 

Itscominghome: You deserved it though

 

Itscominghome: Just quit the team straight up like that

 

Footballstar: seeing as you outed me to them and i know their homophobic id like to think it was self preservation

 

Footballstar: but that didnt matter as you graffitied my locker with slurs for the school to see

 

Footballstar: the only reason im not getting more shit is cos the heathers and veronica arent exactly secretive about what they are to eachother

 

Itscominghome: Fuck off

 

Itscominghome: I just texted to say I know your dad will probably pull you out cos you got suspended again

 

Footballstar: and?

 

Itcominghome: Jesus christ on crystal meth im getting to it you fag

 

Footballstar: ooh back on the slurs i see

 

Itscominghome: I just came to say that you were a good player and that its a shame you probably wont get your scholarship

 

Footballstar: theres gonna be another thing isnt there

 

Footballstar: you were never this like sentimental to me even when we were friends

 

Itscominghome: But your still a mega bitch traitor who I think should burn in hell

 

Footballstar: well ill see you there :)

 

lowercase gang

4:26pm 20th Oct

 

Footballstar: right fuckers guess whose no longer a student at wester fucking berg high

 

Grinchbinch: lucky slag

 

Footballstar: :)

 

Footballstar: i know

 

Ihavethebraincell: you dont have to deal with phlegm anymore you bastard

 

Footballstar: FUCK YEA BYE BITCHES

 

Grinchbinch: FUCK YOU

 

Snurch

7:03pm 21st Oct

 

Cornnuts: Why have i decided to start a show on netflix 4 days before it goes off

 

Grinchbinch: because your stupid

 

Grinchbinch: a big dumb dumb

 

Cornnuts: Well im sorry but i want the gay

 

Grinchbinch: hoe whats the show

 

Cornnuts: Go find it

 

Grinchbinch: HOE WHATS THE FUCKING SHOW

 

Cornnuts: Im not telling you bestie <3

 

Snurch

11:26pm 22nd

 

Martha<3: Hey JD when is your birthday

 

Notasferalchild: 31st this month

 

Notasferalchild: why???

 

Ihavethebraincell: you are so lucky that what i was planning to get you has a less than 8 day delivery

 

Feralchild: AW FUCK I CANT BELIEVE YOUVE DONE THIS

 

Notasferalchild: im sorry

 

Notasferalchild: i shouldve told yall but it just slipped my mind im sorry

 

Martha<3: No no no it’s okay

 

Martha<3: Just maybe be prepared to have some late presents

 

Martha<3: Especially from Betty


Feralchild: OI