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I can't deal with emotions so I text instead

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1:18pm 15th Sept
Cornnuts added Ihavethebraincell to the conversation

Cornnuts: It’s been three weeks

Ihavethebraincell: since what????

Thegrinch: dw heathers just a cryptic texter half the time

Thegrinch: shes referring to when you joined us in hell

Ihavethebraincell: oh cool

Goldenretriever: Hi Ronnie!!!!!

Ihavethebraincell: hey mac!!!

Ihavethebraincell: very noice username

Goldenretriever: Thx!!!!!!!!

Cornnuts: FJSHJKFHJSHJHFGHJH

Cornnuts: EXCUSE ME

Cornnuts: MY USERNAME IS FUCKING AMAZING

Thegrinch: its about fucking corn nuts

Ihavethebraincell: urs is about the grinch tho?

Thegrinch: yeah cos i despise christmas like the grinch

Thegrinch: heather just likes corn nuts

Ihavethebraincell: lmao why do u not like christmas

Thegrinch: cos my extended family are annoying as fuck and i hate them

Ihavethebraincell: reasonable

Cornnuts: Me and grinch girl chose heathers username as she is pure innocence and to wholesome for this cruel world

Thegrinch: *grinch girl and i

Cornnuts: Fuck you grinch binch

Thegrinch changed their username to Grinchbinch

Grinchbinch: thank you for referring to me as my full name

Goldenretriever: Lol you all think Im innocent

Goldenretriever: Jokes on you Im a bastard

Goldenretriever: Anyway whats your userbame supposed to mean

Grinchbinch: userbame

Goldenretriever: I cant believe that this is where our friendship ends

Grinchbinch: bruv u wish

Cornnuts: Did you just say bruv

Cornnuts: BRUV

Grinchbinch: ye

Goldenretriever: Let Veronica answer the question about her username!!!!

Ihavethebraincell: lol its cos me,jd and betty have like one braincell and i have it most the time

Ihavethebraincell: hence my 2000iq

Cornnuts: What about dumptruck

Ihavethebraincell: firstly dunnstock secondly shes a funtual human being unlike betty whos fucking feral, jd whose an angsty emo and me whos just sad

Cornnuts: Right whatever then i forget calling her that gets you all riled up

Ihavethebraincell: yea cos shes my friend

Grinchbinch: oOF

Grinchbinch: destroy her ass ronnie

Cornnuts: Shut up Heather

Grinchbinch: sorry heather

Snurch
1:38pm 15th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: hi welcome to another episode of im regretting all of my life choices that lead up to where i am rn

Feralchild: oof sucks to be u

Martha<3: Oh no Ronnie, what did you do?

Martha<3: And that’s not nice JD! What is she’s in serious trouble!

Feralchild: im sure shes fine like the worst that could happen is an accidental murder

Notasferalchild: How tf can a murder be accidental

Notasferalchild: Like murder is intentanal

Feralchild: fine if it was accidental it wouldve been manslaughter

Martha<3:We are going off topic!

Martha<3: Ok so Ronnie, what’s happened?

Ihavethebraincell: its nothing serious im just questioning why i chose to join the heathers

Notasferalchild: questioning that as well

Ihavethebraincell: like one minute were just chatting and then the next duke and chandler are in mood with eachother while me and mac just kinda stand there unsure of what to do

Ihavethebraincell: and then theyll insult one of youse and then be surprised when im upset

Ihavethebraincell: its just really draining being friends with them

Ihavethebraincell: well friend is a bit of a stretch their more like coworkers and our job is being popular and shit

Martha<3: I’m sorry you feel like that Ronnie. Just remember that we’re always here for you [heart emoji x3]

Ihavethebraincell: thanks yall

Notasferalchild: omg jds rubbing off on u

Notasferalchild: dont become southern on me bitch

Feralchild: no join me in the depths of hell

Martha<3: Hey are you all able to hang out tonight?

Ihavethebraincell: yep

Notasferalchild: u see ronnie that is how you refer to everybody

Notasferalchild: and ye im able to hang

Feralchild: i aint got nothing else to do so ill come

Martha<3: Okie dokie! Should we meet at the park at 4pm?

Martha<3: We would be able to hang at mine but it’s my turn to walk Lenny so… yeah.

Ihavethebraincell: thats cool well meet there then

Notasferalchild: am gonna steal ur dog martha

Ihavethebraincell: betty no

Notasferalchild: betty yes

Martha<3: Don’t worry Betty, I’ll let you walk Lenny :).

Notasferalchild: hgfdhgshjdgfhjdsgddhj

Notasferalchild: martha what did i do to deserve you

Martha<3: Being my friend.

Notasferalchild: ok im just going to happy cry goodbye

Martha<3: Nooooo don’t cry

Traffic Lights
3:05pm 15th Sept

Cornnuts: @Ihavethebraincell Tonight

Ihavethebraincell: ???????

Grinchbinch: she just want you over at hers tonight

Ihavethebraincell: oh thx

Ihavethebraincell: sorry cant me martha betty and jd already have plans

Cornnuts: delete them

Ihavethebraincell: my friends or the plans????????

Cornnuts: Both

Cornnuts: Preferably

Cornnuts deleted two messages

Ihavethebraincell: i saw them

Cornnuts deleted Ihavethebraincell’s message

Cornnuts: The plans

Cornnuts: Delete the plans

Ihavethebraincell: right…

Ihavethebraincell: that isnt going to happen

Ihavethebraincell: ive flaked on them enough times already from joining your little lipgloss gestapo

Cornnuts: Fine then tomorrow morning your history

Cornnuts: Unless you can convince me otherwise ;)

Ihavethebraincell: ok then…

Ihavethebraincell: tf

Cornnuts kicked Ihavethebraincell out of Traffic Lights

Cornnuts: Fuck

Cornnuts: Fuck fuck fuck fuck

Goldenretriever: Heather…

Goldenretriever: You shouldnt have done that

Cornnuts: I KNOW I SHLOULDNR HAVE DOME THAT

Grinchbinch: here we see the texts between a useless lesbian and her calm friend 2020 colourized

Cornnuts: SHUT UP HEATHER

Grinchbinch: sorry heather

Cornnuts: YKNOW WHAT FUCK IT IF SHE REALLY WANTS TO BE IN THE HEATHERS THEN SHE BETTER FUCKING COME AND BEG

Snurch
4:30pm 15th Sept

Martha<3: Betty stop yelling

Notasferalchild: THIS FUCKER HAS NO GAG REFLEXE

Feralchild: reflexe

Notasferalchild: U DONT GET TO SPEAK U DEEP THROAT FUCKER

Feralchild: how tf else are u supposed to eat an ice lollie

Notasferalchild: FUCKING BITING IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

Ihavethebraincell: who tf bites a ice lolly

Feralchild: WHO THE FUCK DOESNT

Ihavethebraincell: M E B I C T H

Martha<3: Betty I don’t think most people bite ice lollies

Notasferalchild: well fuck them there doing it wrong

Notasferalchild: the only person who is allowed to not bite ice lollies is lenny

Feralchild: the only valid licker tbh

Feralchild: wait

Feralchild: no

Ihavethebraincell: image01.jpg
[JD is sat on a bench with a fruit pastel ice lolly in his mouth looking at his phone, eyebrows furrowed]

Notasferalchild: in fuvking cxackling

Notasferalchild: amd distgustaed tha u can fit a entire ice lol in ur mouth

Martha<3: Is it not hurting your mouth at all?

Martha<3: Like they’re really thick

Feralchild: theyre dummy thicc

Ihavethebraincell: im just going to start carrying around a spray bottle of soapy water so i can spray u when u say shit like this

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
8:15am 16th Sept

Cornnuts: Fuck

Cornnuts: Ronnies not come to apologize yet

Cornnuts: I really dont want to have to make the whole school turn against her

Grinchbinch: oh heather heres a grand idea

Grinchbinch: how about u appollogize to ronnie

Goldenretriever: Yeah Heather I think its best if you just apologize

Cornnuts: But if i apologize thattll take a hit at my rep

Grinchbinch: oh for the love of god heather

Grinchbinch: Just fucking apologize

Cornnuts: But how

Cornnuts: Like ice never had to apologize before

Cornnuts: Except when ive pissed off my parents

Goldenretriever: Ok Heather literally just take her aside at lunch and say youre sorry and that you will not insult her friends anymore

Goldenretriever: And boom shes back sitting with us

Grinchbinch: and we dont have to listen to you be a useless lesbien

Cornnuts: Shut up heather

Grinchbinch: sorry heather

8:30am 16th Sept
Footballstar made a new group chat
Footballstar named the group chat Wtf is up with Veronica
Footballstar added Itscominghome to the conversation
Footballstar added Cornnuts to the conversation
Footballstar added Grinchbinch to the conversation
Footballstar added Goldenretriever to the conversation

Footballstar: why isn't veronica with u guys

Itscominghome: Yeah shes hanging out with dumptruck trenchcoat and that other one

Cornnuts: Its nothing you two need to know about

Grinchbinch: wtf is rams username

Grinchbinch: like kurts i get but rams

Itscominghome: https://youtu.be/RJqimlFcJsM

Goldenretriever: Ram buddy thats a song about the english soccer team

Itscominghome: Its still about football

Cornnuts: Its about soccer you single cell dip shit

Footballstar: You lot never answered our question on veronica

Cornnuts: Tf you call this Cornnuts: Its nothing you two need to know about

Footballstar: You being difficult

Cornnuts: I am going to shatter your knee caps

Footballstar: I’d like to see u try

Cornnuts: Kurt bitch I have 10 inch stilettos that I once kicked Mac with accidentally and she needed stitches

Goldenretriever: Didn’t your parents throw those away after that

Cornnuts: I dug them out of the trash

Cornnuts: They had gained sentimental value from me digging them into your shins

Grinchbinch: this is why u need mental help

Cornnuts: Literally only u think that

Grinchbinch: youll be surprised that how many people disagree

Goldenretriever: Hey guys just so yall know kurt and ram have gone offline

Cornnuts: finally fucking rambling worked

Grinchbinch: u didnt plan shit

Snurch
1:20pm 16th Sept

Notasferalchild: hey ronnie why u not sat with the literal demons

Ihavethebraincell: oh yeah ive officially resigned from being their little forgery girl

Ihavethebraincell: also where tf are u i cant see you

Notasferalchild: image_02.jpg
[The image is taken from a set of stairs overlooking a canteen with the camera pointing to a small cafeteria area partially covered by the floor above. Veronica and Martha are sat near the back of the cafeteria talking and the Heathers are sat near the front also talking with Heather Chandler noticeably looking at Veronica and Martha]

Notasferalchild: me an jd are getting food

Notasferalchild: ih sjot phkefms seem me om mtpgone

Feralchild: video_01.mov
[The video shows miss. Fleming stood about halfway up the stairs saying, “Miss. Finn give me your phone, you know the school's policy on mobile phones.” There's silence as Betty, off-screen, and Miss. Fleming, with her hand out expecting Betty’s phone, staring at each other. Fast footsteps are heard from behind the camera and Miss. Fleming began to head up the stairs shouting, “Betty Finn get back here! You are going to have a week's detention!”]

Feralchild: rip betty

Notasferalchild: duck u bsstrd tat

Feralchild: sorry what was that

Notasferalchild: fuck u bastard rat

Martha<3: Betty that took you 5 minutes to write. Are you still running?

Notasferalchild: nah i ran to d block bathroom

Martha<3: Why didn’t you just give her your phone?

Notasferalchild: it will be a cold day in hell before i give phlegm the satisfaction of taking my phone off me

Ihavethebraincell: honestly surprised our grades not made her have a mental breakdown yet

Notasferalchild: bold of u to assume we havent

Ihavethebraincell: good point

Martha<3: I’m going to keep JD company in the line

Traffic Lights
1:32pm 16th Sept

Goldenretriever: Right Heather just go and apologize to Ronnie now

Goldenretriever: Marthas gone somewhere so shes alone

Grinchbinch: stop being a pussy

Grinchbinch: cos when u finally get into a girls pants we dont want canibalism

Cornnuts: this is why ur single

Grinchbinch: nah im single cos most the girls that go here are homophobic as fuck

Goldenretriever: Go

Goldenretriever: And

Goldenretriever: Apologize

Snurch
1:41pm 16th Sept

Feralchild: where te fuck are u ronnie

Feralchild: me and martha have been sat at our table for like 5 minutes

Ihavethebraincell: yeah sorry heather came over and apologized for some shit and practically forced me to re join the heathers

Ihavethebraincell: so now were just chilling in the c block bathrooms and heather making me watch rwby

Notasferalchild: which heathers

Notasferalchild: we dont who tf ur talking about when u dont yse their last names

Ihavethebraincell: chandler and mac

Notasferalchild: ah yes demon and literal sunshine

Notasferalchild: anyway do any of you have mr edwards for history as i have homework due next period that i havent done

Martha<3: We sit right next to each other in the class and I’m sat right next to you right now.

Martha<3: Why didn’t you just ask me?

Notasferalchild: i spent all of that class asleep and i only found out about the homework when i got the reminder email when i was in the bathroom

Feralchild: mood

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
2:50pm 16th Sept
Cornnuts added Ihavethebraincell to the conversation

Cornnuts: My car

Ihavethebraincell: im just gonna asssume you want me to meet you at your car after school

Grinchbinch: wow its learning

Grinchbinch: also

Grinchbinch: asssume

Ihavethebraincell: image_03.jpg
[The image is the blinking man meme]

3:01pm

Ihavethebraincell: right so are yall going to tell me why im wanted at the queens car

Cornnuts: We’re going to the mall cos you have like 2 outfits

Ihavethebraincell: ah ok

3:02pm 16th Sept
Cornnuts created a new group chat
Cornnuts named the group chat Im a useless lesbian
Cornnuts added Grinchbinch to the conversation
Cornnuts added Goldenretriever to the conversation

Grinchbinch: so ur finally admitting it

Cornnuts: I already have

Grinchbinch: u haven

Grinchbinch: ive called u a lesbian but youve not

Cornnuts: Shut up smart ass

Goldenretriever: Why did you make this group chat

Cornnuts: Because a veronica called me queen b im gay for veronica and c i have no fucking clue if she likes girls

Goldenretriever: Just ask her

Cornnuts: Hgdjhfghsdgfhjsgzxhjdfgshjkg

Cornnuts: How the fuc am i supposed to just casually ask if she likes girls

Grinchbinch: jast say u wanted to make sure she wasnt a straggot

Cornnuts: Tf is a straggot

Grinchbinch: A straight person who does or is one or more of the following: rape jokes, is addicted to puffs, says the n word, sexualizes everything, or is basic

Goldenretriever: She didnt do any of those in the first place

Grinchbinch: she couldve we didnt know her

Cornnuts: U two riding with me and ronnie

Grinchbinch: fuck no i cant leave my jeep at school

Goldenretriever: I'm gonna ride with Heather

Goldenretriever: Let you and Veronica get to know each other a bit more ;)

Cornnuts: I cant believe i ever thought you were innocent

Ihavethebraincel to Cornnuts
3:07pm 16th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: are we going or r u just going to stand out of the car looking pissed at ur phone

Cornnuts: Sorry Kurt and Ram were texting me trying to get into my pants

Ihavethebraincell: oof that sucks

Ihavethebraincell: you know you can just block them

Cornnuts: Ive tried but then they fucking mither me about constantly until i unblock them and its just not worth it

Ihavethebraincell: just like ignore them fo a while and theyll stop

Ihavethebraincell: thats why they barely bother me ive just ignored them since 7th grade

Cornnuts: Im not that patient

Cornnuts: Now talk to me bitch Im in the car and crave attention

Snurch
3:10pm 16th Sept

Notasferalchild: ronica where te fuc r u

Ihavethebraincell: with heather

Notasferalchild: which one

Ihavethebraincell: chandler sorry i forgot yall cant differentiate them

Notasferalchild: i will pay you actual money to stop saying yall

Ihavethebraincell: yall

Notasferalchild: stop

Feralchild: no dont stop

Notasferalchild: i am going to shatter ur skull with bricks

Feralchild: im over a foot taller than u

Feralchild: u wouldnt be able to reach my head

Notasferalchild: i will climb ur wilbur soot looking ass purely to cave in ur skull

Feralchild: wilbur soot doesnt need to be insulted like that

Ihavethebraincell: im gonna need a spray bottle for both of your asses

Im a useless lesbian
3:15pm 16th Sept

Cornnuts: Jfghjsdfghjhsdfhgfj

Goldenretriever: Heather wants to know if youve crashed

Cornnuts: No

Cornnuts: Im just really fucking gay

Goldenretriever: we know, were all gay you fuck - Heather

Cornnuts: Oh fuck we are

Goldenretriever: We should rebrand to the gays

Cornnuts changed the group chats name to The Gays

Cornnuts: Anyway

Cornnuts: Her laugh hjdfgfhgfhgs

Goldenretriever: We get your pining now focus on the road - Heather

Cornnuts: Fuck you

3:30pm

Grinchbinch: we should get lesbian pride flags

Goldenretriever: !!!!!!

Goldenretriever: We can get veronica to get a pride flag to see if she likes girls

Cornnuts: What is shes straight tho

Goldenretriever: She seems respectful im sure shell just go ‘oh im straight i dont want a flag’

Grinchbinch: or shes a straggot

Cornnuts: Stop shes not as straggot

Grinchbinch: shes a straggot until proven otherwise

Goldenretriever: Shes not a straggot

Grinchbinch: can i just insult people in peace

Cornnuts: Theres like 356 other people in our school you can insult

Grinchbinch: how tf do you know the exact number of people in our school excluding us and veronica

Goldenretriver: How do you

Grinchbinch: we were discussing layout for this years yearbook and someone said we need to fit 360 people in this year and i guess it stook idk

Goldenretriever: Weve been texting for 5 minutes and i want to get me a pride flag

Traffic Lights
3:36pm 16th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: where we going

Ihavethebraincell: we not going into gucci or something expensive

Cornnuts: Were going to find pride flags

Cornnuts: Also ew guccis ugly as fuck

Ihavethebraincell: noice

Ihavethebraincell: jfk recked my old bi flag a bit ago and i never got round to getting a new one

The Gays
3:39pm 16th Sept

Cornnuts: Hfjgfhsgfhsdgfhfdshdjfgsdjghb

Cornnuts: She likes girls!!!

Grinchbinch: yes cool but who or what tf is jfk

Goldenretriever: Ill go ask

Traffic Lights
<3:41pm 16th Sept

Goldenretriever: Hey Ronnie who is JFK

Ihavethebraincell: oh ye hes my cat

Ihavethebraincell: image_03.jpg
[The image shows a chubby, grey, tabby cat asleep on a blue duvet on veronica’s bed]

Grinchbinch: a heckin chonker

Grinchbinch: my new son

The Gays
3:43pm 16th Sept

Cornnuts: Why the fuck is her cat called jfk

Grinchbinch: dont insult my new son

Chapter Text

Snurch
9:30pm 16th Sept

Feralchild: its [sparkling emoji]trauma[sparkling emoji] time

Martha<3: Oh no! Where are you? I can come and comfort you if you want.

Feralchild: its half 9 at night you dont need to go out of ur way for me

Feralchild: its stupid anyway

Feralchild: i dont want to be a burden

Martha<3: Listen JD it’s ok. You’re not a burden and we are always here for you.

Feralchild: ima fucking mess and i ont want yall to have to deal with me its fine

Ihavethebraincell: jfc

Ihavethebraincell: jd i am coming to ur house and u r going to tell me whats wrong

Feralchild: u dont have to

Ihavethebraincell: no fuk u i will help

ihavethebraincell: ill be half an hour

Feralchild to Ihavethebraincell
9:35pm 16th Sept

Feralchild: u dont have to do this

Ihavethebraincell: yes i do

Ihavethebraincell: now tell what the fuks happened

Feralchild: itb wasnt that bad

Feralchild: me and my dad just got into an argument it got loud im panicking and he was making fun of me for it

Feralchild: as i said it wasnt that bad

Traffic Lights
9:38pm 16th Sept

Cornnuts: Where u goin

Ihavethebraincell: a friend needs help with something

Cornnuts: Where u helping them ill give u a lift

Ihavethebraincell: its not far i can walk its only half an hour

Cornnuts: Im giving you a ride

Cornnuts: Meet me at the 711 at the end of the road

Ihavethebraincell: right ok then

The Gays tm
9:40pm 16th Sept

Grinchbinch: this is getting more interesting than masterchef

Cornnuts: Shut up heather let me be gay in peace

Grinchbinch: sorry heather

Feralchild to Ihavethebraincell:
9:44pm 16th Sept

Feralchild: veronica?

Feralchild: its k if u decided im not worth it i get it

Ihavethebraincell: no no no no no no no i am still coming heather just wanted to give me a ride

Ihavethebraincell: ill be at urs in 4

Snurch
9:55pm 16th Sept

Martha<3: Hey JD how are you feeling?

Feralchild: better still shit tho

Ihavethebraincell: were just playing minecraft now

Notasferalchild: send me the server

Ihavethebraincell: jd was talking about trauma and u remain silent yet as soon as minecraft is mentioned u make an appearance

Feralchild: dont blame you

Feralchild: whats ur microsoft username

Notasferalchild: Thepanagenda

Feralchild: cool ill send u the realm link

Traffic Lights
<9:59pm 16th Sept

Cornnuts: Hows greece ass

Ihavethebraincell: hes fine thanks for ride

Cornnuts: No problem

Grinchbinch: why u wif jd

Ihavethebraincell: he needed help with something

Ihavethebraincell: now were playing minecraft

Goldenretriever: !!!

Goldenretriever: Heather our old minecraft world

Grinchbinch: !!!

Grinchbinch: im gonna go and grab my laptop be back in 10

Snurch
<10:03pm 16th Sept

Feralchild: just so yall know the server is my cousins and his friends are on it so if u see someone its one of them

Notasferalchild: u have a cousin

Feralchild: ye

Notasferalchild: i dont like that

Notasferalchild: how do i unlearn something

Ihavethebraincell: betty most people have cousins

Notasferalchild: but this is jd

Notasferalchild: it doesnt seem right

Feralchild: why is me having extended family so hard for you accept

Notasferalchild: i dont knOW!

Traffic Lights
10:16pm 16th Sept

Grinchbinch: im here im queer and im filled with existential fear

Grinchbinch: now let me in the door has ben locked

Cornnuts: Come round the back

Grinchbinch: the gate is locked

Cornnuts: Go back round the front

Grinchbinch: its locked

Cornnuts: Ill unlock it

Grinchbinch: OH U FUCKER

Grinchbinch: I SWEAR TO GOD IF MY LAPTO IS BROKEN UR BUYINGNME A NEW ONE

Ihavethebraincell: i gues my username applies to yall as well

Goldenretriever: Did you just say yall

Ihavethebraincell: mayhaps

Cornnuts: Hfgjkhsjhbljhgfjfhghjdfgskhjgdfhdfj

Grinchbinch: IT LIVES

Grinchbinch: U R SO LUCKY U OVERSIZED TWO YEAR OLD

Cornnuts: Why didnt you just say whore or bitch or a normal insult

Grinchbinch: cos im special

Ihavethebraincell: what happened

Grinchbinch: this hoe decided to fucking throw a shoe at me and i dropped my laptopo

Ihavethebraincell: laptopo

Goldenretriever: Does it still work

Grinchbinch: Grinchbinch: IT LIVES

Goldenretriever: Oh right

Ihavethebraincell: is ur world still on there

Grinchbinch: IT IS!!!!!!!!!

Cornnuts: Ive not seen you this excited since ur brother moved out

Grinchbinch: dont remind of that fucker

Snurch
10:26pm 16th Sept

Notasferalchild: whos this bastard

Notasferalchild: image_04.jpg
[The image is a screenshot from a minecraft world with a player at the side in full diamond armor]

Feralchild: its me

Feralchild: check the gamertag

Notasferalchild: oh it is

Notasferalchild: sup rat man

Notasferalchild: i cant believe this is where our frandship ends

Feralchild: friendship

Notasferalchild: i live like a 5 minute walk from urs so i can climb threw ur window and snap each of fingers

Ihavethebraincell: tomorrow im gonna bring a spray bottle to school with me co i swear to god betty

Ihavethebraincell: in fact u and jd swap usernames

Ihavethebraincell: how did we ever think jd was less chaotic than u

Notasferalchild changed their username to Feralchild
Notasferalchild changed Feralchild’s username to Notasferalchild

Feralchild: he brought agun to school thats why

Chapter Text

Wtf is up with Veronica
1:30pm 17th Sept

Cornnuts: @Footballstar @Itscominghome why did you fuckers set the trash can on fire

Footballstar: Aesthetic

Itscominghome: To piss off phelgm

Grinchbinch: u have gotten all of our grade detention until u own up

Grinchbinch: i cant believe this is the day ill commit knife crime

Goldenretriever: How can they give 90 kids detention

Goldenretriever: like they only have 1 teacher on detention duty each day

Goldenretriever: 1 cant control 30 let alone 90

Cornnuts: Ill get ronnie to forge us a note

Traffic Lights
1:34pm 17th Sept

Cornnuts: Ronnie we need a note

Ihavethebraincell: what did u do

Cornnuts: We didnt do anything kurt and ram set fire to a trash can and the whole grade has detention until they own up

Ihavethebraincell: oof

Ihavethebraincell: ill get a note

Cornnuts: Thx

Snurch
1:37pm 17th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: meet me at the back entrance in 5 i need to hand yall to something

Notasferalchild: what is it

Ihavethebraincell: a note to get out of detenntion

Feralchild: detenntion

Martha<3: Why does JD have a detention?

Notasferalchild: i dont

Ihavethebraincell: the whole grade does cos kurt and ram set fire to a trash can

Notasferalchild: why did those dickwadss set fire to a bin

Feralchild: bin wtf stop pretending to be british

Notasferalchild: not my fault i was brought up saying it

Feralchild: tf ur parents british or something

Notasferalchild: my mom was

Martha<3: Where is your mom JD? We’ve only ever seen your dad.

Notasferalchild: she left us

Ihavethebraincell: u ok that took a bit to type

Notasferalchild: yeah im fine

Ihavethebraincell: ok just meet me at the back entrance in 2 mins

Traffic Lights
1:47pm 17th Sept

Grinchbinch: oh shout theuie after me

Goldenretriever: Who is

Grinchbinch: miss hilton

Ihavethebraincell: oof good look getting out of detention

Grinchbinch: i wouldnr have this problem id u hasd a fuclki g note

Cornnuts: You sound like your having a stroke

Cornnuts: Also ronnie where is the notes

Ihavethebraincell: i have them i just have no clue where you are

Goldenretriever: Oh were just hanging in the B block bathrooms

Ihavethebraincell: right ill be their in like 5ish minutes

1:56pm

Ihavethebraincell: im here let me in

Ihavethebraincell: image_05.jpg
[The image is the let me in meme]

Goldenretriever: Its unlocked

3:05pm

Grinchbinch: rip those with detention but im different

Goldenretriever: So you got out of it then?

Grinchbinch: turns out the fence around the astroturf is really easy to climb

Goldenretriever: That fence is like 15 feet tall

Grinchbinch: its still easy to climb tho

Snurch
3:50pm 17th Sept

Notasferalchild: do any of yall know where the closest pet store is

Martha<3: Yeah, I do.

Martha<3: image_06.jpg
[The image is of google maps with directions to a nearby petsmart]

Notasferalchild: right thanks

Feralchild: why tf u need to go to petsmart

Notasferalchild: i need shit for my hamster

Feralchild: let me see the s m o l b o i

Notasferalchild: image_07.jpg
[The image is of a tan hamster in a cage on a desk]

Feralchild: cronch

3:55pm

Feralchild: dshgfhjgsdhjsgk

Feralchild: this is a disgrace

Ihavethebraincell: i told you id have a fecking spray bottle today

Feralchild: i thought u were joking

ihavethebraincell: anyway come pick us up from bettys well come with

Martha<3: I’ll come as well!

Notasferalchild: ok ill be there in like 5

Traffic Lights
4:45pm 17th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: fun fact: it is really difficult to get kicked out of the local petsmart

Cornnuts:

Cornnuts: How is that a fun fact

Ihavethebraincell: cos ‘i found this out cos my friend spilt spilt 2 pounds of dog food down an entire isle and didnt get immediately kicked out fact’ doesnt sound as good

Goldenretriever: Was it Betty?

Ihavethebraincell: what fucking question is that of course it was

Cornnuts: idk rebel without a cause is sort of a wild card

Cornnuts: like hes already had multiple fights with kurt and ram

Ihavethebraincell: firstly dumb and dumber started the fights and jd literally did not go anywhere near the dog food

Ihavethebraincell: anyway any of you want a kfc

Grinchbinch: just get me the 14 piece party bucket

Ihavethebraincell: for urself?

Grinchbinch: did i stutter

Goldenretriever: Just get me like a regular popcorn chicken pls

Cornnuts: I dont want anything

Ihavethebraincell: right cool ill see yall in a bit

The Gaystm
4:51pm 17th Sept

Grinchbinch: lmao i cant believe heathers in love with a girl that say yall

Cornnuts: Shut up heather

Chapter Text

10:20am 18th Sept
Traffic Lights

Cornnuts: Fhjgskgfdhjsdgfhjkdsgkdjsh

Cornnuts: Im c a c k l i n g

Grinchbinch: this is homophobia

Cornnuts: But it was funny

Grinchbinch: you dont get to say anything ronnie got u out of fucking gym

Cornnuts: And you wouldve gotten out as well if you didnt insist you needed to beat kurt at cross country

Grinchbinch: im infront of him again now so i have no regrets yet

Goldenretriever: I got Heather falling on video

Cornnuts: Send the sacred video

Grinchbinch: heather no

Cornnuts: Heather yes

Goldenretreiver: video_02.mov
[The video shows a muddy path with about 27 teenagers running, jogging or walking along it. At the front of the group is Heather and Kurt sprinting and obviously being competitive. Heather’s left leg slips on some mud and she falls on her side. The video ends.]

Cornnuts: Jdflghsjghjkshgjkshdgjkdhfkjgh

Grinchbinch: i am going to fucking deck u when im finished

10:30am

Grinchbinch: ok so i may or may not be bleeding

Grinchbinch: ands its beginning to hurt to run

Goldenretriever: Scale 1-10 how much does it hurt

Grinchbinch: idk its like a 2 maybe 3

Cornnuts: Your fine then keep running

Grinchbinch: im going to blame u when this gets infected and my leg needs amputating

Cornnuts: Alright dramatic ass

12:20pm

Cornnuts: Bicth where te fuck are your socks

Grinchbinch: have u seen the state of my leg

Cornnuts: Its not that bad

Cornnuts: It looks like a cat scratch

Grinchbinch: it hurts to walk

Cornnuts: Get over it

Grinchbinch: i dont need to take this from someone who sucks toes

Cornnuts: Fhgjhksgfhjdsgfjg

Cornnuts: Who the duck told u about that

Grinchbinch: you

Cornnuts: Fuck

Snurch
1:16pm 18th Sept

Feralchild: ronnieeeeeee

Ihavethebraincell: yeseeeeeee

Feralchild: can u buy me food

Ihavethebraincell: why

Ihavethebraincell: what have u done

Feralchild: i havent done anything

Feralchild: i had fucking hardy last period and its not my fault she hates me

Ihavethebraincell: oof shes a bitch

Ihavethebraincell: ye ill get ur food

Traffic Lights
1:20pm 18th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: im gonna join youse later im just doing a favour for betty

Cornnuts: What is it ill get someone else to do it

Ihavethebraincell: shes got detention so im just getting her food

Ihavethebraincell: u wont need to get someone else to get her food

Cornnuts: Right fine then well meet you in the b block bathrooms

Ihavethebraincell: see u there

Snurch
1:23pm 18th Sept

Martha<3: Hey where are all of you?

Ihavethebraincell: bettys got detention jds getting food and im with him grabbing bettys food

Martha<3: Ok then, I’ll see you two once you’ve gotten food.

Ihavethebraincell: see you then

Ihavethebraincell: wont be able to hang long thos the heathers want me once ive gotten bettys food

Martha<3: Ok, hope you have fun with them :)

Ihavethebraincell: what did i do to deserve you martha xxx

Traffic Lights
1:45pm 18th Sept

Grinchbinch: @Ihavethebraincell are u got the food yet

goldenretriever: Did you just have a stroke Heather

Grinchbinch: the pain is getting to me

Ihavethebraincell: i dont think ill be able to get to yall during lunch

Ihavethebraincell: like everyone decided thisll be the day they eat the shit served at school

Goldenretriever: Oh yeah the corner store where the freshmen and sophomores usually get their food wont let them in cos some people like destroyed an entire aisle and the manager got pissed

Ihavethebraincell: fuckers

Ihavethebraincell: me and jd have been stood in line for 28 minutes watching dr horribles sing along blog cos they all think there hard

Cornnuts: This is why I never eat the filth served here

Ihavethebraincell: neither do i but betty does

Grinchbinch: if school shooters with u why doesnt he just grab her food

Ihavethebraincell: ive reached the point where im to stubborn to leave the line now

Grinchbinch: mood

Snurch
1:50pm 18th Sept

Feralchild: ronnie where the fuck are you

Ihavethebraincell: still in line

Feralchild: how it never takes me this long

Ihavethebraincell: freshmen and sophomores got themselves kicked out of that store down the road

Martha<3: What did they do?

Ihavethebraincell: according to heather some of them wrecked an isle and the manager got pissed and now both grades are banned

Martha<3: I don’t get why they do that stuff, what do they gain?

Notasferalchild: they think theyre cool

Notasferalchild: theyll calm down once they realise nobody will remember them in three generations

Feralchild: try telling that to my great great great grandpa who was really really violent and my mom told me would come drag me to hell if i was naughty

Ihavethebraincell: betty what the fuck

Feralchild: dont tell me u never wondered what she meant when she said gramp jo will get u when i was being a little shit

Ihavethebraincell: were out of the line just come get ur food

Traffic Lights
2:07pm 18th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: @Grinchbinch what happened to ur leg

Grinchbinch: i fell

Cornnuts: Goldenretreiver: video_02.mov

Ihavethebraincell: oof

Goldenretriever: We had to spend 10 mins in the changing room cleaning the dirt off

Goldenretriever: Please dont fall again Heather

Grinchbinch: i still beat kurts ass so that doesnt matter

Ihavethebraincell: is that why u didnt want me to get u out of gym

Ihavethebraincell: just so u could beat kurt

Grinchbinch: absolutely

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
3:11pm 18th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: you: a skull

Ihavethebraincell: me, an intellectual: a brain cage

Cornnuts: What in the everloving fuck

Grinchbinch: no she has a point

Ihavethebraincell: i sent this to the wrong chat

Ihavethebraincell: just pretend i never sent that

Goldenretriever: Ronnie are you ok

Ihavethebraincell: ye

Snurch
3:14pm 18th sept

Ihavethebraincell: you: a skull

Ihavethebraincell: me, an intellectual: a brain cage

Feralchild: oh my god

Feralchild: ur right

Notasferalchild: i feel like thats caused me physical pain

Notasferalchild: but your not wrong

Martha<3: Just so you know Ronnie, I’m helping out our science teacher after school right now and they saw you text that.

Martha<3: She’s very disappointed.

Feralchild: HA FUCKER

Ihavethebraincell: this is biphobia

Traffic Lights
3:33pm 18th Sept

Cornnuts: Whose ready to get fucking TANKED

Grinchbinch: its half three

Grinchbinch: its far to late

Grinchbinch: stop being a little pwussy girl and start drinking when u wake up

Goldenretriever: You didn’t put gin and lemonade in your hydroflask again did you Heather?

Grinchbinch: no

Grinchbinch: i have san miguel

Goldenretriever: How is that better

Grinchbinch: tastes better

Cornnuts: Are you able to drive

Cornnuts: I dont want you wrecking your jeep

Grinchbinch: ive only had pint

Grinchbinch: ill be fine

Cornnuts: Hhm

Cornnuts: @Ihavethebraincell

Ihavethebraincell: ye

Cornnuts: Mine

Ihavethebraincell: tonight

Cornnuts: Tonight

Ihavethebraincell: cant i dont want to flake on movie night again

Grinchbinch: oOF

Grinchbinch: way to wreck heathers fragile gay heart

Cornnuts: Gdfhsjhfdgjldfhgjlk

Ihavethebraincell: i mean theres always tomorrow ;)

The Gays
3:42pm 18th Sept

Cornnuts: Sldhjfgjksdhgljkaghjkgh

Grinchbinch: were still getting drunk at urs tho right

Goldenretriever: Heather nows not the time

Goldenretriever: Ronnie just flirted with our girl!!!!!!

Cornnuts: My brain has short circuited and i want to die

Grinchbinch: u cant be with ronnie if ur dead

Cornnuts: Oh shit ur right

Grinchbinch: but r we still getting drunk off our tits

Cornnuts: Yes we have to celebrate my great fucking victory

Snurch
3:42pm 18th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: i feel like dieing

Martha<3: Please don’t.

Ihavethebraincell: dw but guess who just flirted with the demon queen herself

Martha<3: You?

Ihavethebraincell: fuck yea

Feralchild: our girl has come so far

Feralchild: i still remember when u thought u were straight so many years ago

Feralchild: oh how youve grown

Martha<3: Are you still coming to movie night or do already have plans?

Ihavethebraincell: dw im still coming

Feralchild: we need to celebrate!

Feralchild: jd pick me up we are off to wallmart

Notasferalchild: be yours in five

Ihavethebraincell: betty what are you doing

Feralchild: dont worry nothing bad will happen

Ihavethebraincell: that does not assure me

Feralchild: everything will be fine

Feralchild: just make sure to be at marthas by 5

Notasferalchild to Feralchild
3:49pm 18th Sept

Notasferalchild: you willing to tell me what were doing

Feralchild: ill tell u in the car

Ihavethebraincell to Notasferalchild
3:50pm 18th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: what is betty planning

Ihavethebraincell: cos i do not trust her

Notasferalchild: idk she told me shell tell me when she gets in my car

Ihavethebraincell: do not let her do anything stupid

Notasferalchild: ill try

Ihavethebraincell to Martha<3
4:55pm 18th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: hey im outside your house rn

Martha<3: Ok I’ll open the door in a second, I just have to wash my hands quickly.

Snurch
5:02pm 18th Sept

Feralchild: right bitches open up were here

Martha<3: I’ll be down in a minute.

Traffic Lights
5:33pm 18th Sept

Cornnuts: Ronnieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ihavethebraincell: yeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Cornnuts: Hows yor nit

Ihavethebraincell: very pog

Grinchbinch: POG

Goldenretriever: Pog?

Grinchbinch: pog

Ihavethebraincell: betty and jd went to walmart before and got a shit load of candy

Ihavethebraincell: and alcohol

Ihavethebraincell: they wont tell me how they got it so im just gonna assume they stole it

Goldenretriever: What mvie u wtchng

Ihavethebraincell: princess bride

Ihavethebraincell: after were gonna watch horrible histories

Grinchbinch: fck ye

Grinchbinch: wheee dus mrtha life

Grinchbinch: i wnna watch i t two

Cornnuts: Fok i hrribel his stories

Ihavethebraincell: have u ever had mr jones for history

Cornnuts: No

Grinchbinch: oof

Grinchbinch: four lick evry new toopc he jst pay farus clpd frm it ands it bmb

Ihavethebraincell: are yall drunk

Cornnuts: Myhps

Ihavethebraincell:Cornnuts: wll ty <3

Snurch
6:51pm 18th Sept

Feralchild: jd how do u work a vpn

Notasferalchild: were in the same room you dont need to text me

Feralchild: i dont want to wake up lenny

Notasferalchild: hes slept threw all of the princess bride

Feralchild: just do the fucking vpn

Notasferalchild: fuck you

7:02pm

Feralchild: are we just gonna ignore how jd knows the entire intro song to a british kids tv show

Notasferalchild: its a good show

10:36pm

Ihavethebraincell: being bisexual is fun

Ihavethebraincell: like im head over heels for heather but i also find the guy who plays charles the second hot

Feralchild: british people are just good looking all around

Feralchild: like boom christian bale boom tom holland boom guy who plays charles the second

Martha<3: The actors name is Mathew Baynton.

Feralchild: like boom christian bale boom tom holland boom mathew baynton

Cornnuts to Ihavethebraincell
10:40pm 18th Sept

Cornnuts: Ur vry butifull

Ihavethebraincell: thanks

Cornnuts: N rlly i lve ur eys

Ihavethebraincell: i love yours to <3

Cornnuts: Lke i wnt to hve ur hed on me la an twrl ur har in mu fngas

Ihavethebraincell: thanks id love that <3

Chapter Text

The Gays
6:09am 19th Sept

Grinchbinch: pain

Grinchbinch: it all hurts

Grinchbinch: help

Cornnuts: Go back to sleep

Cornnuts: Its to early

Grinchbinch: im raiding ur coffe

Cornnuts: No

Cornnuts: That coffee costs more that your entire life

Grinchbinch: >:]

Cornnuts: Dont you fucking dare

Grinchbinch: image08.jpg
[The image is a blurry picture of a hallway]

Cornnuts: BASTARD

Grinchbinch: >:D

Cornnuts: Ths iss ur folt m runin at 6 in three monin

Grinchbinch: HAHAHAH FUCK YOU BITCH

Grinchbinch: image09.jpg
[The image is of Duke sticking her tongue out and giving two fingers to the camera while running through the hallway leading to Chandler’s kitchen]

Goldenretriever: Why did I have to wake up to this

Grinchbinch: shshshshshshs uve been blessed

Goldenretriever: This happens almost every saturday

Grinchbinch: ur so lucky to have been blessed so much

Goldenretriever: jfc

Traffic Lights
6:17am 19th Sept

Cornnuts: Ronnie heather took my fucking coffee

Grinchbinch: i offered u a mug when u got into the kitchen

Cornnuts: It was a mug of draino hoe

8:23am

Ihavethebraincell: heather why tf did u try and make heather drink drain cleaner

Grinchbinch: i thought itd be funny

Ihavethebaincell: it couldve killed her

Grinchbinch: itd still be funny

Cornnuts: Slhgjklsdhgkjlsdzhjkadhgljkdsh

Cornnuts: Bitch

Cornnuts: I keep fucking law and order in place if im gone there be no one to keep kurt and ram in place

Grinchbinch: oh shit good point

Snurch
9:04am 19th Sept

Feralchild: my fucking minecradt house has been destroiwed

Notasferalchild: destroiwed

Feralchild: fuck off u are on the suspect list and suspects dont get to talk

Feralchild: dirty crime boy

Notasferalchild: it hurts to talk anyway

Feralchild: but ur talking right now

Notasferalchild:

Notasferalchild: u dont talk to text

Feralchild: oh shit i forgot

Martha<3: Betty this needs to be said.

Martha<3: You really are stupid sometimes.

Feralchild: well sorry its not my fault ronnie has mine jds and hers single brain cell 24/7

Feralchild: with the exception of yesterday

Martha<3: What happened yesterday?

Ihavethebraincell: is it how you got the booze

Feralchild: yes its how we got the booze

Martha<3: Please tell me you didn’t steal it.

Feralchild: what no i am a law abiding citizen

Ihavethebraincell: ive seen you piss drunk before

Ihavethebraincell: and last time i checked ur not 21

Feralchild: yeah but like everyone 14-20 have drank before

Feralchild: i aint special

Ihavethebraincell: for fucks sake

9:32am

Martha<3: Notasferalchild: it hurts to talk anyway
Wait are you Okay JD?

Notasferalchild: ye its probably just tonsillitis

Notasferalchild: ill be fine

Ihavethebraincell: knowing you and ur inability to admit when u feel like shit im gonna come to urs around noon

Ihavethebraincell: i would come sooner but im at my nanas

Notasferalchild: im fine

Notasferalchild: i got tonsillitis a shit bunch as a kid i know how to handle this

Ihavethebraincell: im still coming round

Traffic Lights
10:51am 19th Sept

Cornnuts: My house 2

Cornnuts: Does that work

Goldenretriever: I might be a bit late my Aunts are coming into town and I want to see them

Grinchbinch: bitch i havent left yours left

Cornnuts: You smell go home and get changed

Grinchbinch: im smell perfectly fine

Cornnuts: You smell like axe

Ihavethebraincell: i should be able to make it might need a lift tho

Cornnuts: Heather

Grinchbinch: ill pick her up

Grinchbinch: right hoe where will u be cos i swear u are like never at ur own home whenever i need to pick you up

Ihavethebraincell: Ill be at jds

Ihavethebraincell: you know where that is

Grinchbinch: absolutely not

Ihavethebraincell: its 41 brookfield way

Grinchbinch: right cool ill pick you up 5 to 2

Ihavethebraincell: cool

Ihavethebraincell to Notasferalchild
11:56am 19th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: im coming onto your street now

Ihavethebraincell: how do you feel

Notasferalchild: fine

Notasferalchild: got a bit of a headache but thats mainly from my cousin calling me to complain about some scousers that took his and his mates table at a pub they regular

Ihavethebraincell: oof

Ihavethebraincell: what the fuck is a scouser

Notasferalchild: someone from liverpool

Notasferalchild: my cousins from manchester and so he hates them

Ihavethebraincell: ah

Ihavethebraincell: anyway i bought some stuff from the corner shop on my way here

Notasferalchild: noice

Snurch
12:28pm 19th Sept

Martha<3: @Notasferalchild How are you feeling?

Notasferalchild: im fine

Feralchild: u said u got tonsillitis alot as a kid how often are we speaking

Notasferalchild: like every three months nothing to bad

Ihavethebraincell: how have you not had them removed???

Notasferalchild: idk only ever whent to get it checked out a couple of times before my dad found out it goes away on its own

Feralchild: whent lmao

Martha<3: How often do you get it now?

Notasferalchild: like every 6 - 12 months

Feralchild: oof

Feralchild: i have an increased chance of going into cardiac arrest if that makes you feel better

Notasferalchild: it does not but thank you i guess

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
1:52pm 19th Sept

Grinchbinch: oi bitch im outside

Ihavethebraincell: be down in a min

Grinchbinch: hurry up

Ihavethebraincell: im going as fast as i fucking can

Grinchbinch: well move faster

Cornnuts: Shut up heather

Grinchbinch: sorry heater

Goldenretriever: Heater lmao

Grinchbinch: gfjhksdglkjhgfkjshdgjklshdgkj

Grinchbinch: how the fuck am i in love with you

Cornnuts:

Ihavethebraincell: haha gay

Cornnuts: Are u two dating???

Goldenretriever: Ye

Cornnuts: Since when???

Grinchbinch: since like thursday

Cornnuts: Why didnt you tell us???

Goldenretriever: We had a bet going to see whether you or Veronica would figure it out first

Grinchbinch: then i went an ruined it :’)

Goldenretriever: Noooo you didn’t!!!

Grinchbinch: :’)

Snurch
5:26pm 19th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: image_10.jpg
[The image is of Veronica sitting on Chandler’s lap. The two of them are kissing]

Ihavethebraincell: oi fuckers ur fren has a girlfren now

Feralchild: who tf r u

Ihavethebraincell: duke

Martha<3: Hey!!!

Ihavethbraincell: hey

Ihavethebraincell: anyway goodbye biotches

8:03am 20th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: jhkfdgfghjkljgkfhld

Ihavethebraincell: hangovers are the wordt

Feralchild: wordt

Martha<3: Betty now is not the time.

Feralchild: martha my love it is always the time to insult peoples spelling

Martha<3: Don’t we have bigger news?

Feralchild: OH FUCK YEA

Feralchild: OUR GAL HAS FINALLY GOTTEN THE GUIRL OF HER DREMAS!!11!!!

Ihavethebraincell: wait what

Martha<3: Ihavethebraincell: image_10.jpg

Martha<3: Ihavethebraincell: oi fuckers ur fren has a girlfren now

Ihavethebraincell: ah yes i forgot we did that

Feralchild: ronnie i swear to god that if you twodid that as a joke i will fuckingf d3ck u

Ihavethebraincell: it was real

Martha<3: Yes!!! That’s our girl!!!

Feralchild: wait does jd know

Feralchild: he hasnt been reading these texts

Ihavethebraincell: hes in the chat hell find out sooner or later

Feralchild: no this cant wait

Feralchild: im gonna call that fucker

Feralchild to Ihavethebraincell, Martha<3 and Notasferalchild
8:10am 20th Sept

Feralchild: JD we come with fucking ass important news.

Notasferalchild: It is eight in the morning on a Sunday what could be so fucking important that you have to wake me up?

Martha<3: Ronnie and Heather finally got together!

Notasferalchild: Oh cool.

Notasferalchild: Is that it ‘cause I’d like to go back to sleep.

Ihavethebraincell: Yep that’s it.

Notasferalchild: good.

Notasferalchild left the call
Ihavethebraincell left the call
Feralchild ended the call

Traffic Lights
10:06am 20th Sept

Cornnuts: Right cunts who wants to get brunch

Goldenretriever: We gonna get it at brunch

Cornnuts: Fuck yea

Cornnuts: We must show my bootiful girlfriend the glorys of brunch in the village

Ihavethebraincell: you talking about that cafe near the bus stop all the college students get on in the morning

Goldenretriever: It is not just a cafe

Goldenretriever: It holds a special place in our hearts

Goldenretriever: It was where I realised I was gay

Ihavethebraincell: cool

Grinchbinch: let me get changed first

Goldenretriever: Lets all go home and get changed and meet at brunch at half past

Cornnuts: That sound good

Snurch
10:24am 20th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: right who wants something from that cafe near the bus spot

Feralchild: get me a brownie

Martha<3: Could you get me a smartie cookie please?

Ihavethebraincell: jd i know ur awake as you were active on tumblr like 5 minutes ago so what do you want

Notasferalchild: dont want anything

Ihavethebraincell: u sure

Notasferalchild: ye

Ihavethebraincell: right ok ill give you ur stuff in like an hour

Feralchild: why did you ask us know then

Ihavethebraincell: felt like it

11:43am

Feralchild: YOUFUCKET

Ihavethebraincell: fucket

Feralchild: FUCK YOU YOU THREW A FUCKING BROWNIE AT ME THREW MY WINDW

Ihavethebraincell: it was funny tho

Ihavethebraincell: I even have a video

Ihavethebraincell: video_03.mov
[The video is taken from Veronica’s bedroom window. Veronica is shouting for Betty to open her window. The window across from Veronica’s opens and Betty shouts “What the fuck do you want?” over to Veronica. Betty is then hit in the face by a plastic bag thrown by Veronica. Veronica laughs and the video ends]

Martha<3: Is Betty ok?

Feralchild:no turns out a brownie to the face hurts quite a bit

Ihavethebraincell: youll be fine

Traffic Lights
11:47am 20th Sept

Goldenretriever: Heather Ronnie did you two get home ok?

Cornnuts: image_11.jpg
[The image is of Heather stood infront of her mirror wearing a grey blouse and bright red skirt]

Cornnuts: Yeah im home

Grinchbinch: was the picture really necessary

Cornnuts: yes im beautiful

Ihavethebraincell: video_03.mov

Ihavethebraincell: ye im home now

Goldenretriever: You two are perfect for eachother

Goldenretriever: You both do unnecessary things

Goldenretriever: Which are sometimes mean

Cornnuts: Ghfjldhjglfkdfghjkdlghfjkdl

Cornnuts: Excuse me but i am so fucking nice

Grinchbinch: eehh

Grinchbinch: you call at least one person a cunt each day

Cornnuts: they deserve it

Goldenretriever: I dont think that junior in the art club did

Goldenretriever: Or Jeremy from theater

Goldenretriever: Or Mr. Brown in english

Cornnuts: Ok ok i get it im a bit mean

Grinchbinch: more like very mean

Grinchbinch: like its good that ur finally dating veronica but i dont get what she sees in you

Ihavethebraincell: you know im in this chat

Ihavethebraincell: i can see you i nsulting my girlfriend

Grinchbinch: good

Grinchbinch: she deserves it

Grinchbinch: also

Grinchbinch: i nsulting

Ihavthebraincell:

Ihavethebraincell: w o w

cornnuts: Heather im going to shatter your bones

Grinchbinch: see you aint fucking nice

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
10:15am 21st Sept

Ihavethebraincell: im beginning to think that my username is beginning to apply to yall

Cornnuts: I have deja vu

Goldenretriever: For what

Cornnuts: The sentence

Cornnuts: I feel like ronnies said that before

Ihavethebraincell: i probably have

Goldenretriever: Anyway why do you have our braincell

Goldenretriever: I want mine back thank you

Ihavethebraincell: you can have yours back

Ihavethebraincell: your actually sensible

Ihavethebraincell: but in other words

Ihavethebraincell: heather may or may not be bleeding profusely from her finger

Ihavethebraincell: image_12.jpg
[The image is of Duke at a sink in a DT workshop]

Ihavethebraincell: it wont stop bleeding

Ihavethebraincell: we dont know what to do

Goldenretriever: WHAT DID SHE DO?!?!?!!?

Ihavethebraincell: she was using the saw and her hand slipped

Cornnuts: Oh for fucks sake

Ihavethebraincell: the teachers noticed and is having a look at it

Ihavethebraincell: from what i can tell its bad

Goldenretriever: the cut or is the teacher mad

Ihavethebraincell: former

Ihavethebraincell: i dont think miss shaw can get mad

Cornnuts: Good point

Ihavethebraincell: im having to take heather to the nurse now

Ihavethebraincell: goodbye bitches

Snurch
11:05am 21st Sept

Feralchild: ronnie where r u

Feralchild: yo did not come back to dt

Ihavethebraincell: me and heather are waiting for for her parents to show up to take her to a and e

Ihavethebraincell: they dont want to pay for an ambulance

Feralchild: oh

Feralchild: you gonna be in next period

Ihavethebraincell: probably idk

Goldenretriever to Grinchbinch
11:08am 21st Sept

Goldenretriever: Are you ok

Grinchbinch: yeah ill be fine

Goldenretriever: No are you ok now?

Grinchbinch: ye

Goldenretriever: Heather…

Grinchbinch: fine its a bit sore but it aint much

Grinchbinch: i just need stitches

Grinchbinch: ill be back in tomorrow

Goldenretriever: Ok just tell me if you feel bad

Grinchbinch: i will

Traffic Lights
11:12am 21st Sept

Cornnuts: Oi @Grinchbinch u ok

Grinchbinch: ye im fine

Grinchbinch: ive stolen your girl friend

Grinchbinch: image_13.jpg
[The image is of Veronica sat on the floor of the schools nurses office on her phone]

Cornnuts: Why arent you sat on a chair

Ihavethebraincell: im bi i cant sit on chairs properly

Goldenretriever: But you sit during class and at lunch??

Ihavethebraincell: i work in mysterious ways

Cornnuts: Christ im dating a dork

Ihavethebraincell: yeah but you love me

Snurch
1:30pm 21st Sept

Notasferalchild: yall got recommendations for like shit

Martha<3: Recommendations for what sorta stuff?

Notasferalchild: like musicals, shows, film

Notasferalchild: fuck at this point im willlinhg to except youtubers

Feralchild: firstly willlinhg

Feralchild: secondly musicals

Feralchild: oh my god u a theathre kid

Notasferalchild: mayhaps

Feralchild: pics or it didnt happen

Feralchild: i refuse to except that you of all people are/were a theater kid

Notasferalchild: image_14.jpg [The image is of a 14 to 15 year old JD dressed in a dirty t-shirt and waistcoat with a cigar in his mouth]

Notasferalchild: look heres some fucking proof

Notasferalchild: i played race in my schools performance of newsies back in like freshman year

Martha<3: Isn’t Newsies that musical with all the really complicated dancing?

Feralchild: also arent you always moving

Notasferalchild: this was the school i stayed at the longest

Notasferalchild: was their christmas to the end of the school year

Notasferalchild: also ye its the one with the dancing

Feralchild: for fucks sake you can dance cant you

Notasferalchild: :)

Feralchild: when you get back in school i am going to break yout neecaps

Notasferalchild: you saw how i beat kurt and ram shitless on my first day you count stand a chance

Martha<3: Be careful JD, Betty’s feral.

Martha<3: Even says it in her username.

Traffic Lights
3:06pm 21st Sept

Cornnuts: @Grinchbinch you out of the hospital yet

Grinchbinch: not even had my stitches yet

Goldenretriever: When are you getting them?

Grinchbinch: in like half an hour

Cornnuts: How long have you fucking been there

Grinchbinch: like 3 hours

Grinchbinch: its really busy only got in to get it checked out about an hour ago

Cornnuts: Didnt your parents pick you up at like half 11

Grinchbinch: were in toledo

Grinchbinch: my dad thought wed get my finger checked out sooner cos my uncle works here but hes not on shift so we had to wait in a and e for 2 hours

Goldenretriever: Have you eaten in the last 6 hours

Grinchbinch: ye why

Goldenretriever: How are they gonna do your stitches then

Grinchbinch: with a needle??

Goldenretriever: Arent they going to put you under??

Grinchbinch: no the stitches are on my finger theyll just use local anesthetic

Goldenretriever: I thought they put you into surgery for stitches

Ihavethebraincell: they dont

Ihavethebraincell: heather have you ever had your wisdom teeth removed

Goldenrteriever: Yeah

Ihavethebraincell: you know how they numb your mouth

Goldenretriever: Yeah

Ihavethebraincell: thats what theyll do to heathers finger theyll just numb it

Goldenretriever: Oh i just thought you went into surgery as when ive had stitches theyve done that

Cornnuts: Heather the two times youve had stitches was when you got hit in the face with a golf club and when i kicked you in my 10 inch heels

Ihavethebraincell: youve been hit in the face with a golf club

Goldenretriever: Oh yeah when i was ten my cousin accidentally hit me in the face with a driver while practicing golf and the cut needed stitches

Goldenretriever: Its how i got the scar next to my left eye

Ihavethebraincell: i can see why they put you under for that but why for when heather kicked you

Cornnuts: The heels had glitter on them

Goldenretriever: Honestly no clue

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
7:52pm 21st Sept

Grinchbinch: right bitches im home

Goldenretriever: Im coming over

Goldenretriever: Ill be there in 5

Grinchbinch: :DDD

Cornnuts: Eww look at them being gay

Ihavethebraincell: your gay

Ihavethebraincell: we’re dating

Cornnuts: Shshshshssh let me make fun of them

Snurch
3:34pm 22nd Sept

Feralchild: oi fuckers guess who i just saw the pack horse

Martha<3: Urrrm…

Martha<3: Your Uncle Dan

Ihavethebraincell: oh sketchy dans 100% there

Ihavethebraincell: betty didnt he show up at yours last christmas at like 5 in the morning, raided your liquor cupboard, lit the bbq and had made chicken wings and was piss drunk by 7

Feralchild: of course mu uncle is here

Feralchild: but guess who else i saw

Notasferalchild: its gonna be a teacher isnt it

Feralchild: ding ding ding

Feralchild: jd is right

Feralchild: its fucking ass flubby foy is here

Martha<3: I never liked her

Feralchild: whats this

Feralchild: martha not liking someone

Feralchild: what universe is this

Feralchild: where am i

Feralchild: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Martha<3: You know I am allowed to dislike people.

Feralchild: no??????????????????????????????????????????????????

Traffic Lights
9:39am 22nd Sept

Grinchbinch: i hate science

Grinchbinch: like the fuck is a chlorophyll

Grinchbinch: also i have to do a fucking assignment with fucking bean ass whose not been in since monday

Grinchbinch: like has he just fucking died

Ihavethebraincell: oof you have to do the assignment with jd

Ihavethebraincell: good luck hes hopeless with science

Grinchbinch: also where the fuck is that bitch

Ihavethebraincell: hes got tonsillitis

Grinchbinch: WANKER

Grinchbinch: give me his contact

Ihavethebraincell: Notasferalchild

Grinchbinch: thx

Grinchbinch to Notasferalchild
1:26pm 22nd Sept

Grinchbinch: oi fucker

Notasferalchild: who are you

Grinchbinch: h duke

Grinchbinch: we have to do the science assignment together

Notasferalchild: ok firstly you better be prepared to fail

Notasferalchild: secondly who gave you my contact

Grinchbinch: ronnie

Notasferalchild: git

Notasferalchild: anyway is it on google classroom

Grinchbinch: ye

Notasferalchild: right cool ill go over it and split so we do equal

Grinchbinch: right year ok

Snurch
3:06pm 23rd Sept

Feralchild: right @Notasferalchild how the fuck you holding up

Notasferalchild: ive been listening to the world will know from newsies on loop

Notasferalchild: help

Martha<3: Have you done anything else?

Notasferalchild: i made a playlist called dont die and the only songs on it are stay alive from himitlon 49 times and stay alive reprise once right in the middle

Feralchild: himitlon

Notasferalchild: you cant do this to me im sick

Feralchild: i can do what the fuck i like thank you very much

Notasferalchild: fight me

Feralchild: no thank you xxx

Traffic Lights
11:03am 24th Sept

Grinchbinch: guys look what i found

Grinchbinch: image_15.jpg
[The image is of a frog on the school’s field]

Ihavethebraincell: mmmm yes f r o g

Goldenretriever: A smol boii

Grinchbinch: the best boii

Ihavethebraincell: hes my new son

Grinchbinch: no me and heather are his moms

Grinchbinch: you can be the wine aunt

Goldenretriever: No Heather is the wine aunt

Goldenretriever: Ronnie is the cool aunt

Ihavethebraincell: FUCK YEA

Cornnuts: ,,,,,, all this over a frog

Grinchbinch: DO NOT INSULT MY NEW SON!!!!

Traffic Lights
1:23pm 25th Sept

Grinchbinch: heather where are you???

Goldenretriever: Ill be at the table in a sec im just talking to Kurt

Grinchbinch: eww

Grinchbinch: you missed heather sying ‘im right here you fuckwad’ after she got the notif for the first text

Cornnuts: If kurt gives you any trouble i will crack his shins

Goldenretriever: Please dont

Goldenretriever: Hes not giving me any trouble he was literally just asking when a piece of homework was due

Cornnuts: Good

Snurch
8:21am 28th Sept

Feralchild: @Notasferalchild where the fuck are you

Notasferalchild: i refuse to tell you

Feralchild: we have home room together bitch

Notasferalchild: i aint afraid of skipping

Feralchild: i have blackmail material

Notasferalchild: such as what

Feralchild: Notasferalchild: image_14.jpg
[The image is of a 14 to 15 year old JD dressed in a dirty t-shirt and waistcoat with a cigar in his mouth]

Notasferalchild: ooo im so scared

Feralchild: you better be

Notasferalchild: its not like i can just tell everyone how you dressed up as an elderly woman in order to buy booze and it almost got us arrested

Ihavethebraincell: THATS HOW YOU GOT THE FUCKING BOOZE YOU NOB

Feralchild: JD YOU TWAT

Notasferalchild: this is what happens when you cross me

Feralchild: i will chop you up and make you into limb soup

Notasferalchild: yum

Ihavethebraincell: jfc

Traffic Lights
1:43pm 29th Sept

Ihavethebraincell: Have you guys noticed how Kurt and Ram have been ignoring each other

Grinchbinch: i just assumed they were having a lovers quarrel

Cornnuts: ^^^

Goldenretriever: I think i have an idea of whats happened but it isnt really my place to say

Grinchbinch: dont do this to us

Grinchbinch: dont entice us with these secrets and then say oh its not my place to say

Goldenretriever: Look ill see if kurt is willing to tell yall but if hes not we dont talk about this

Cornnuts: Fine then you go and do that

3:38pm

Goldenretriever: Kurt said he’d be willing to tell you guys why him and Ram are ignoring eachother

Goldenretriever: So be fucking kind to him or Ill drop kick you

Grinchbinch: god i fucking love you

Goldenretriever added Footballstar to the group chat

Grinchbinch: sup fucker heather said your willing to tell us why you and ram are having a lovers quarrel

Footballstar: Dont say that

Grinchbinch: yeah right sorry go on

Footballstar: Right so i told ram im gay cos yknow hes my bro and i feel like he deserves to know and after that he just walks out my house and he hasnt talked to me since

Cornnuts: Wait your gay??

Footballstar: Yeah

Grinchbinch: smae

Footballstar: Cool

Goldenretriever: Right so everybody what we are going to do is get Ram to stop being weird about this

Goldenretriever: You all onboard?

Grinchbinch: go on then

Cornnuts: Yeah

Ihavethebraincell: sure

Goldenretriever: Good because i didnt have a plan incase you said no

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
3:44pm 29th Sept

Goldenretriever: Right so do you know why Ram reacted the way he did?

Footballstar: No

Footballstar: Why would i???

Goldenretriever: Ok well this means that he might just need time to except that your gay and that hes not being a homophobic piece of trash

Footballstar: Sounds fake but go off i guess

Grinchbinch: ye the fact that he’s not a twat seems unlikely

Goldenretriever: We’ll find out

Goldenretriever: Heather Ram is scared shitless of you corner him and ask him

Cornnuts: Ronnie come with

Cornnuts: Pls

Ihavethebraincell: when r we doing it

Ihavethebraincell: cos incase yall havent noticed its almost 4

Footballstar: Football practice

Goldenretriever: Yeah we’re gonna ask Ram when he comes out the changing room

Ihavethebraincell: right i get you

Ihavethebraincell: ill come with you heather <3

Cornnuts: <3

Grinchbinch: ew

Goldenretriever: I’m literally sat on your lap

Footballstar: Jfc

Footballstar: Are you all usually like this

Grinchbinch: yes bitch get used to it

Cornnuts: We’ve all known each other since kindergarten why are you surprised

Footballstar: Cos i didn’t know you crackheads until freshmen year

Ihavethebraincell: but youve always lived in sherwood

Footballstar: I was the grade below

Footballstar: Skipped 8th grade

Footballstar: Bada bing bada boom im in freshman year with youse

Goldenretriever: You werent just in different classes before then???

Footballstar: I mean i was

Goldenretriever: You know what I mean

Goldenretriever: A N Y W A Y

Goldenretriever: Its five to Heather and Veronica go and corner ram

Ihavethebraincell: yep on it

4:17pm

Goldenretriever: Weve just seen Ram leave

Goldenretriever: How did it go??

Ihavethebraincell: its very long and complicated but in short lots of insults and slurs directed at kurt and i now love my wonderful girlfriend so much more

Cornnuts: Yeah as the love of my life said its long so just meet us at mine

Cornnuts: Also Kurt come to

Footballstar: Was going to come anyway

Snurch
5:38pm 29th Sept

Feralchild: RONNIE

Feralchild: I HAVE SOME REALLLY FUQKIGN IPORTANT NEWS

Ihavethebraincell: WHAT

Feralchild: I HAVE AQUIRED BLACKMAIL ON OUR TOLL BOI JD

Notasferalchild: which i gave you

Notasferalchild: cos i dont care who sees it

Feralchild: SHSHSHSHSHSH LET ME FEEL ACOMPLISHJXGVDZHJXFJZKS

Notasferalchild: no

Snurch
1:33pm 30th Sept

Martha<3: Hey Ronnie?

Ihavethebraincell: ye

Martha<3: How come Kurt is sitting with you and the Heathers?

Martha<3: Doesn’t he usually sit with Ram?

Ihavethebraincell: theres something going on between them

Ihavethebraincell: its not really my place to say

Martha<3: Okay then, tell him I hope him and Ram make up soon.

Ihavethebraincell: will do

Traffic Lights
12am 1st Oct

Grinchbinch: its spoop time

Notasferalchild to Ihavethebraincell
6:59am 1st Oct

Notasferalchild: was there homework due

Ihavethebraincell: shit

Ihavethebraincell: yes there is

Ihavethebraincell: you got any shoe boxes

Notasferalchild: yeah

Notasferalchild: what the fuqk was the homework???

Notasferalchild: what lesson is it for???

Ihavethebraincell: drama

Notasferalchild: what the fukc do we need shoe boxexs for

Ihavethebraincell: idk

Ihavethebraincell: just bring two one for me and one for you

Notasferalchild: i dont have two

Ihavethebraincell: why didnt you mention it?!?!?!?!

Notasferalchild: cos you never asked

Ihavethebraincell: ok then you use the shoebox and ill see if betty or martha have any

Snurch
7:05am 1st Oct

Ihavethebraincell: @Feralchild @Martha<3 do you have any shoeboxes

Feralchild: why do you need one

Ihavethebraincell: for drama

Feralchild: oh you have that homework

Feralchild: im not giving you a shoebox

Ihavethebraincell: why

Feralchild: biytch i also have that homework and i only have one biocx

Martha<3: I have a spare shoebox you can use Ronnie.

Ihavethebraincell: thank you martha

Ihavethebraincell: the only saving grace in this world

Traffic Lights:
8:03am 1st Oct

Ihavethebraincell: why is heather aggressively banging the car

Grinchbinch: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Grinchbinch: also

Grinchbinch: ITS SPOOOP TIME BIATCGHESJHDFGSKJDSZHG

Ihavethebraincell: did you just have a stroke???

Grinchbinch: PROBABLY

 

Snurch
10:02am 2nd Oct

Feralchild: why are we doing cross cuntry again

Martha<3: I don’t know

Notasferalchild: i dont think the bastard has realised that someone always ends up having a panic attack and or throwing up whenever we do this

Ihavethebraincell: welsford is just like that

Ihavethebraincell: you get used to him after having him for pe the entirety of high school

Notasferalchild: good job im probably leaving after christmas then

Martha<3: What no

Martha<3: We don’t want you to leave

Notasferalchild: well unless i can find a place before then im gone

Martha<3: :(

Goldenretriever made a new group chat
Goldenretriever changed the group chats name to dfhkljs
Goldenretriever added Grinchbinch to the conversation
Goldenretriever added Cornnuts to the conversation
Goldenretriever added Ihavethebraincell to the conversation

Goldenretriever: Right you all just keep Kurt away from the A block lockers

Ihavethebraincell: sure why

Grinchbinch: ram

Grinchbinch: and the foot ball team

Cornnuts: Sup sluts whats happening

Goldenretriever: Ram must have told the football team and theyve all graffitied Kurts locker with stuff...

Goldenretriever: Theyre also stood nearby the locker presumably waiting for Kurt to show up

Cornnuts: Right ill go tell them all to fuck off and clean his locker

Cornnuts: Also what harm would letting kurt know do

Grinchbinch: my wonderful and amazing girlfriend here cares about peoples feelings

Goldenretriever: Thx but i just hadnt thought of telling kurt not to go to his locker esp while theyre waiting

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights
8:10am 5th Oct

Cornnuts: @Footballstar

Cornnuts: Stay away from your locker

Footballstar: Why…

Cornnuts: Football team graffitied your locker

Footballstar: Fuckers

Footballstar: Im gonna have to wait til after practice to clean it

Goldenretriever: NO

Goldenretriever: We are going to get them bastards to clean it

Grinchbinch: also be prepared for more insults

Grinchbinch: cos like at least half the school have seen it

Footballstar: Can i just like not show up for the next week

Grinchbinch: can i join you

Footballstar: Yeah

Footballstar: You want to go get macccies

Goldenretriever: Stop trying to steal my girlfriend Kurt

Goldenretriever: Also macccies????

Goldenretriever: MACCCIES???

Grinchbinch: friendship ended with heather

Grinchbinch: now kurt is my best friend

Goldenretriever: >:0

Ihavethebraincell: anyways yall me and heather have gotten the freshmen on the team to clean it later

Ihavethebraincell: turns out theyre all really willing to do as heather says

Cornnuts: Theyre all boot lickers

Cornnuts: And yeah we also told the others to fuck off so you should be right to get your shit

Footballstar: You guys didnt have to do this

Goldenretriever: Shshshshshs we fake dated for a year

Goldenretriever: This is me repaying the favour

Footballstar: You already repaid the favour!!!

Goldenretriever: Bitch let me do this

Grinchbinch: why is this friendship so wholesome???

Grinchbinch: how have we never noticed this???

Snurch
12:23pm 5th Oct

Feralchild: i hate pd

Ihavethebraincell: you doing the sex lesson to

Martha<3: Yeah…

Notasferalchild: like do they really expect 17 and 18 year olds to not know what sex is

Feralchild: and that were virgins

Martha<3: Betty we all you’re a virgin.

Feralchild: well not everyone in our class are virgins

Ihavethebraincell: good point

Ihavethebraincell: wait are yall having to put the condom on the dildo

Martha<3: Yeah…

Notasferalchild: same

Notasferalchild: we also have a shit ton of the people in our class who still think that sex is some dirty act

Ihavethebraincell: so far weve had people say

Ihavethebraincell: why do we need to know this if were never gonna have sex before marriage

Ihavethebraincell: i dont want sex right now why are we learning this

Ihavethebraincell: and the fucking cherry on top

Ihavethebraincell: but miss ive watched anime i already know this

Notasferalchild: they said it completely unprompted

Feralchild: wtf wtf wtf

Martha<3: Who the fuck is in your class?

Notasferalchild: the weebs and the innocents

Notasferalchild: and then just me and ronnie at the back

Ihavethebraincell: were just here watching shit

Martha<3: Oooh what are you watching?

Ihavethebraincell: no clue

Notasferalchild: im watching ghosts and ronnie is looking over from her seat

Ihavethebraincell: all i know so far is something to with war and people are clearing a garden

Traffic Lights
1:22pm 5th Oct

Grinchbinch: image_16.jpg
[The image is of a full McDonalds bag]

Cornnuts: Fucker you better have brought us some

Goldenretriever: Why didnt you tell me you were going to mcdonalds???

Goldenretriever: Ive just been worrying about you cos you didnt show up or table!!!

Grinchbinch: sorry :(

Grinchbinch: i just wanted to get to in before the younger years did

Grinchbinch: but i did get yall mcflurries

Goldenretriever: Forgiven give me the ice cream

11:03pm

Cornnuts: Wait did duke use yall

Grinchbinch: im blaming ronnie

Ihavethebraincell: :0

Ihavethebraincell: this is biphobia

Cornnuts: :) <3

Cornnuts: I still love you tho <3

Ihavethebraincell: <3

Footballstar: Ew saps

Traffic Lights
8:03am 6th Oct

Footballstar: Do you think people would notice if i just didnt show up to school

Goldenretriever: Probably

Goldenretriever: Did anyone start calling you stuff

Footballstar:No but people were definitely ignoring me

Footballstar: Theyre probably waiting for you four to react

Cornnuts: We wont do anything then

Cornnuts: I swear to god most the people at this hell hole are dumb as fuck

Grinchbinch: the only smart people are us and ronnies frens

Grinchbinch: kurt is on thin ice

Footballstar: >:0

Ihavethebraincell: did

Ihavethebraincell: did you just compliment my friends

Ihavethebraincell: after you insulted them constantly since 6th grade

Grinchbinch: character growth

Footballstar: I dont know why im shocked you said im on thin ice ive been a dick since freshmen year

Goldenretriever: To be honest we were all dicks

Goldenretriever: Except for Martha

Goldenretriever: Shes like the only person whose not been a dick to anyone

Cornnuts: Grinchbinch: the only smart people are us and ronnies frens
Never thought id agree to this but here we are

Ihavethebraincell: wow never thought me asking for a boon from the heathers would result in yall gaining feelings

Goldenretriever: >:0

Goldenretriever: I felt sadness :,)

Ihavethebraincell: :(

Ihavethebraincell now i feel bad

Goldenretriever: noooo sshshshsh im getting my prescription in a weeks time

Grinchbinch: :000

Grinchbinch: yeeeeeeeeee

Grinchbinch: babe im so happy for you <333

Goldenretriever: <333

Snurch
1:16pm 6th Oct

Feralchild: ronnie

Feralchild: i need you to get my lunch again

Ihavethebraincell: detention?

Feralchild: ye

Ihavethebraincell: you want your usual

Feralchild: please

Martha<3: J.D. and I are going to meet you on the stairs

Ihavethebraincell: pog ill see you there

Traffic Lights
1:19pm 6th Oct

Ihavethebraincell: ill meet yall in a bit i just need to get bettys lunch cos shes got detention

Footballstar: D o you want my queue pass

Ihavethebraincell: if you dont mind sure

Cornnuts: When did you get a lunch pass???

Footballstar: I got one when i broke my leg and school just never took it back

Grinchbinch: didnt you break your leg like sophomore year

Footballstar: Ye

Ihavethebraincell: kurt you wanna meet me at the top of the lunch stairs

Footballstar: Sure ill be there in a couple minutes

Ihavethebraincell: pog

Snurch
1:25pm 6th Oct

Ihavethebraincell: @Notasferalchild @Martha<3 change of plans meet me in the courtyard near the lunch line

Martha<3: Okie Dokie

Traffic Lights
3:26am 7th Oct

Grinchbinch: is it like normal for a person to spend liek 3 hours blasting the end of the last day of summer from the lightning thief and crying

7:48am

Ihavethebraincell: mood

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights

8:21am 7th Oct

 

Cornnuts: Right bitches me and ronnie are getting starbucks

 

Cornnuts: You guys want anything

 

Grinchbinch: *cocks gun* boba bitches

 

Cornnuts: *guns cock* no

 

Goldenretriever: Please never say that again

 

Goldenretriever: Also yes get us boba

 

Cornnuts: We’re at starbucks

 

Grinchbinch: and you have the boba place down the road in the mall

 

Ihavethebraincell: were already pushed for time

 

Ihavethebraincell: we wont have time to get there and back before first period

 

Cornnuts: Shshshshshs we have re first

 

Ihavethebraincell: were gonna get boba arent we

 

Grinchbinch: you better be

 

Cornnuts: Fuck yea i want boba now

 

Footballstar: You lot getting boba

 

Cornnuts: Ye

 

Cornnuts: Right bitches what flavour you want

 

Goldenretriever: Chocolate pls

 

Grinchbinch: WATERMELOAN

 

Footballstar: Apple

 

Ihavethebraincell: pog meet us in the courtyard at break

 

Ihavethebraincell: the mall doesnt open till 10

 

Goldenretriever: >:0

 

Goldenretriever: This is homophobia

 

Grinchbinch: ikr

 

Snurch

11:02am 7th Oct

 

Feralchild: @Ihavethebraincell bitch did you get boba and not get us some

 

Ihavethebraincell: mayhaps

 

Feralchild: i am going to shatter your knee caps

 

Notasferalchild: do you want any weapons

 

Feralchild: what you got

 

Notasferalchild: guns knives an axe pretty sure we have a sword in the bottom of the truck

 

Martha<3: J.D. why do you have so many weapons?

 

Notasferalchild: guns were left from my dads dad

 

Notasferalchild: knives from the kitchen and some throwing ones from when i wanted to learn in 7th grade

 

Notasferalchild: axe is cos for some reason we only rent homes with log burners so we have the axe to chop logs to fit

 

Notasferalchild: and i bought the sword when i lived in vegas a couple years ago cos it looked cool

 

Feralchild: :000 i wanna see the sword

 

Notasferalchild: image_17.jpg

[The image is of a sword with a patterned handle]

 

Martha<3: Ooh fancy

 

Ihavethebraincell: jfc how much did that cost

 

Notasferalchild: $200 i think

 

Feralchild: :)))))

 

Feralchild: ronnieeeeeeeee

 

Ihavethebraincell: jd do not let betty have the sword

 

Feralchild: :))) jd give me the sword

 

Notasferalchild: no

 

Feralchild: >:000

 

Feralchild: let me be a dirty dirty crime girl

 

Martha<3: Betty no!

 

Feralchild: betty yes!!

 

Traffic Lights

1:17pm 7th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: any of yall have a weapon that could easily beat a sword

 

Grinchbinch: my grandad has an air rifle

 

Grinchbinch: why

 

Ihavethebraincell: self defense from betty

 

Ihavethebraincell: but only if jd agrees to give her his sword

 

Goldenretriever: Wh-why does Jd have a sword???

 

Ihavethebraincell: he got in in vegas

 

Ihavethebraincell: i dont know how but he got one

 

Cornnuts: Honestly i dont see why yall are surprised

 

Footballstar: Did you just use yall

 

Grinchbinch: :00 ronnie is rubbing off on you

 

Grinchbinch: so romantic

 

Cornnuts: Ive been betrayed by my own girlfriend

 

Cornnuts: I dont want to become southern

 

Ihavethebraincell: dfgjkhdfjkgh shut up you love me

 

Ihavethebraincell: and if your really angry then blame jd

 

Cornnuts: give me his contact i need to call him a bastard

 

Ihavethebraincell: right hang on let me see if hes ok with it

 

Ihavethebraincell to Notasferalchild

1:23pm 7th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: right bitch do you mind if i give heather your number

 

Notasferalchild: yes why

 

Ihavethebraincell: she said yall and blames you

 

Notasferalchild: we literally havent talked

 

Ihavethebraincell: its cos i say it because of you and she said it because of me

 

Ihavethebraincell: so she blames you

 

Ihavethebraincell: and wants to call you a bastard

 

Notasferalchild: sure give her my contact my self esteem is low enough already

 

Ihavethebraincell: you ok there

 

Notasferalchild: absolutely not :)

 

Notasferalchild: im so touch starved

 

Ihavethebraincell: do you want a hug

 

Notasferalchild: please

 

Ihavethebraincell: ok when i next see you i am going to give you the best hug you will ever get

 

Ihavethebraincell: also im going back urs with you

 

Notasferalchild: you dont have to

 

Ihavethebraincell: but i want to

 

Traffic Lights

1:29pm 7th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: jd doesnt want to give you his contact

 

Cornnuts: Aw just call him a cunt for me

 

Ihavethebraincell: maybe

 

Cornnuts: Good enough

 

Ihavethebraincell to Notasferalchild

3:04pm 7th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: hey should we meet at the 711 at half past

 

Notasferalchild: yea sure

 

Notasferalchild: erm do you mind if we chill at urs cos my dads home and i know hell get suspicious when we walk in

 

Notasferalchild: even tho theres no reason to be hes just like that the bastard

 

Ihavethebraincell: yea we can chill at mine

 

Ihavethebraincell: you know where i live so just like show up when youve dropped ur school shit at urs

 

Notasferalchild: ok then

 

Snurch

10:24pm 7th Oct

 

Feralchild: ok you lot guess who just ordered a sword from a dodgy website for like most of their money

 

Martha<3: Betty…

 

Ihavethebraincell: jfc betty why are you like this

 

Feralchild: remember that time miss wall wouldnt give me my meds while i just sorta almost went into cardiac arrest

 

Martha<3: Vividly seeing as 6th grade me worried for your health a lot

 

Ihavethebraincell: ye…

 

Feralchild: yea well when that happened i sorta just realised that i could die at any point so i might as well live a full half life eing a feral bastard than live a half full life as a chill motherfucker

 

Notasferalchild: that was weirdly insightful

 

Feralchild: thank you

 

Traffic Lights

10:28pm 7th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: ive finally found out why bettys like a feral chil

 

Grinchbinch: finally the archives will be complete

 

Cornnuts: Fucking hell ronnie pls tell us the secrets

 

Ihavethebraincell: image_18.jpg

[The image is of the following conversation on Snurch:

Feralchild: remember that time miss wall wouldnt give me my meds while i just sorta almost went into cardiac arrest

 

Martha<3: Vividly seeing as 6th grade me worried for your health a lot

 

Ihavethebraincell: ye…

 

Feralchild: yea well when that happened i sorta just realised that i could die at any point so i might as well live a full half life eing a feral bastard than live a half full life as a chill motherfucker]

 

Goldenretriever: oh yeah i remember that

 

Goldenretriever: it was pretty scary tbh


Ihavethebraincell: yea but i mean it explains a lot

Chapter Text

Snurch

1:26am 8th Oct

 

Feralchild: rick astley said hes never gonna give you up then if you want the disney movie up then he cant give you it cos he said hes never gonna give you up but by not giving you up hes letting you down which he also said he wouldnt do

 

Feralchild: so what would he do

 

7:48am

 

Ihavethebraincell: betty what le fuqk

 

Feralchild: you cant deny im right

 

Martha<3: She has a point Ronnie

 

Ihavethebraincell: ik and i dont like it

 

Traffic Lights

8:06am 8th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: Hey guys looks at my candle

 

Goldenretriever: image_19.jpg

[The image is of a white candle in a black jar on a pastel yellow shelf. The candle says, I wish I were a unicorn so I could stab idiots with my head]

 

Grinchbinch: :000 yeeeeee i love <3<3<3

 

Goldenretriever: <3<3<3

 

Cornnuts: I love

 

9:47pm

 

Footballstar: is it illegal to kill

 

Grinchbinch: unfortunately yes

 

Ihavethebraincell: what do you mean unfortunately

 

Grinchbinch: dont tell me youve never wanted to suffocate someone, hack them apart and throw their body down a manhole

 

Cornnuts: Heather what the fukc

 

Grinchbinch: what????

 

Grinchbinch: dont tell me youve never vividly thought about the best way to kil someone

 

Ihavethebraincell: no??

 

Goldenretriever: Pretty sure thats a sign of some mental issue

 

Grinchbinch: probably is

 

Grinchbinch: anyway i dont like talking about me so @Footballstar who you wanna kill ill help

 

Footballstar: i have been working on this course work for computing for 5 hours last night and it all got erased by that bastard emo kid who turned off my laptop

 

Footballstar: i was up till 3 in the morning working on that and now its all gone

 

Goldenretriever: Oh ye them i hate them

 

Ihavethebraincell: when you say bastard emo kid are you referring to jd cos i know you two dont get along well

 

Grinchbinch: you turn off auto capitalization

 

Footballstar: no im not talking about jd and ye auto correct as well it was annoying

 

Grinchbinch: finally we out number those with it on

 

Grinchbinch created a new group chat

Grinchbinch named the conversation Lowercase Gang

Grinchbinch added Ihavethebraincell

Grinchbinch added Footballstar

 

Grinchbinch: welcome to the superiors biatches

 

Grinchbinch: this is where we will scheme to overthrow the 1%

 

Ihavethebraincell: fuck elon musk

 

Footballstar: ye

 

Footballstar: wait wait search up who is the richest person in the world

 

Grinchbinch: image_20.jpg

[The image is a screenshot of google showing the elon musk is the richest person in the world but it shows a picture of Jeff Bezos]

 

Grinchbinch: googles on crack

 

Footballstar: smh its becoming bing

 

Ihavethebraincell: i cant believe it

 

Grinchbinch: im gonna have to change  my default browser to firefox

 

Grinchbinch: image_21.jpg

[The image is a screenshot of the download page for firefox]

 

Snurch

3:03pm 8th Oct

 

Martha<3: I’ve never seen JD run this fast

 

Feralchild: bitch can run???

 

Notasferalchild: i am so fucking tense right now

 

Notasferalchild: over a  m i n e c r a f t  stream

 

Ihavethebraincell: oh fuck ye dsmp

 

Feralchild: ronnie i am coming to yours and we are watching this livestream

 

Ihavethebraincell: oki martha jd you coming

 

Martha<3: I don't watch those minecraft streams but sure

 

Notasferalchild: ye

 

Ihavethebraincell: right cool ok do yall mind if i invite my wonderful girlfriend and the other two

 

Martha<3: I don’t mind

 

Feralchild: i dont trust your taste in women but go on i guess

 

Notasferalchild: ok then…

 

Ihavethebraincell: ok pog get to mine as soon as you can

 

Ihavethebraincell to Cornnuts

3:08pm 8th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: me martha betty and jd are hanging at mine you wanna come

 

Cornnuts: I have a feeling theyll give me a ‘you hurt ronnie and well kill you’ talk

 

Ihavethebraincell: probably

 

Ihavethebraincell: but were watching minecraft streams and which i know heather will want to watch and her and heather come as a pair at this point so youre coming to because i love you

 

Ihavethebraincell: and i want cuddles because im touchstarved

 

Cornnuts: Okay then but only because your the bestest girlfriend ive ever had

 

Ihavethebraincell: im the only girlfriend youve ever had

 

Cornnuts: And therefore your the best one Ive had

 

Cornnuts: me heather and heather will be at yours as soon as we can ily xx

 

Ihavethebraincell: ily to xx

 

Traffic Lights

9:18am 9th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: Finally got a day off from hell

 

Grinchbinch: hey guyyyyyyyyysssssss

 

Cornnuts: What the fuck did you do

 

Grinchbinch: so i may or may not have just ordered like $100 worth of worms on a string

 

Grinchbinch: so who wants some i have 360 on the way

 

Ihavethebraincell: make a curtain out of them

 

Grinchbinch: :000 ye

 

Goldenretriever: Ronnie dont temp her!!!

 

Grinchbinch: im already tempted

 

Cornnuts: Why when I’m about to go to sleep do you have to go and buy 360 fucking worms on a stings

 

Goldenretriever: Wh- why are you only just going to sleep

 

Ihavethebraincell: ok so yknow how when yall was at mine last night and after the stream ended we watched season 1 of whitechapel

 

Grinchbinch: yeah

 

Ihavethebraincell: well we watched the rest of it

 

Ihavethebraincell: all 11 hours and 15 mins of it

 

Ihavethebraincell: and we only just finished it

 

Grinchbinch: you absolute idiots

 

Cornnuts: Bastard

 

Goldenretriever: Guys calm down

 

Goldenretriever: Heather and Ronnie go to sleep

 

Goldenretriever: Heather idk you wanna play minecraft?

 

Grinchbinch: ye ill activate the server just give me a min

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights

10:26am 10th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: holy shit its been 25 hours

 

Grinchbinch: fjgkhdgfjshkd

 

Footballstar: i wish i was able to sleep that long

 

Goldenretriever: H- how did your parents not think you were in a coma

 

Ihavethebraincell: my parents probably just came into my room every once in a while

 

Ihavethebraincell: in other news they probably also know me and heather are dating so thats fun

 

Footballstar: are your parents ok with it

 

Ihavethebraincell: oh yeah my mums sister is bi and no one in the family has a problem with her or her wife

 

Grinchbinch: we stan lesbian aunts

 

Goldenretriever: Yasss

 

Cornnuts: Wassupppppp fuckerssssss

 

Cornnuts: I have just slept for the longest i think i have ever

 

Cornnuts: And now i know what normal people who get a good amount of sleep feel like

 

Ihavethebraincell: i envy them

 

Grinchbinch: lmao imagine being a functional human being that partakes in societal normalities

 

Footballstar: sucks to be them but were different

 

Goldenretriever: Im convinced you lot are a different kind

 

Grinchbinch: we prolly are and by extension you are

 

Goldenretriever: … 

 

Snurch

12:27pm 10th Oct

 

Feralchild: gotta love that feeling when like every adult youve ever met has called you an idiot at some point

 

Feralchild: even paramedics

 

Martha<3: :(

 

Martha<3: You’re not an idiot Betty

 

Martha<3: Also aren’t paramedics supposed to be kind and understanding

 

Martha<3: And not tell their patients their idiots

 

Feralchild: well i dont think this one got the memo

 

Notasferalchild: what did you even do

 

Feralchild: it was stupid

 

Feralchild: and you lot probably dont wanna know how much of a screw up i am

 

Ihavethebraincell: betty we dont care what you did we just want to make sure your ok

 

Feralchild: but i did something even like a small child would know not to do

 

Martha<3: Betty incase you didn’t realise we’re all stupid

 

Martha<3: Like I really don’t understand maths for the life of me

 

Martha<3: Ronnie has no common sense

 

Martha<3: Or at least none that I’ve seen

 

Martha<3: And just yesterday I saw JD almost get hit by a car

 

Notasferalchild: only cos i have to have my headphones on full blast to hear them so i didnt notice that car

 

Feralchild: i ate a poisonous plant

 

Ihavethebraincell: im sorry what

 

Feralchild: in my living room we have a pot of english ivy and i thought itd be a good idea to eat some of it

 

Notasferalchild: betty im actually curious for what went on in your head for that to happen

 

Feralchild: i used to eat grass as a child so i just thought itd taste the same

 

Martha<3: Why

 

Feralchild: IDK

 

Ihavethebraincell: this is honestly very on brand for you

 

Feralchild: i know and i feel like SHIT

 

Traffic Lights

5:48pm 10th Oct

 

Grinchbinch: GAWS

 

Goldenretriever: GAWS

 

Cornnuts: The fuqk

 

Footballstar: gaws

 

Grinchbinch: WERE ALL GAWS HERE

 

Cornnuts: What is gaws???

 

Goldenretriever: Gaws is gaws

 

Footballstar: gaws is unexplainable

 

Ihavethebraincell: cmon love you should know what gaws is

 

Cornnuts: Ronnie my love the light of my life please dont join them

 

Cornnuts: Dont join the dark side

 

Ihavethebraincell: its to late

 

Ihavethebraincell: i have a red lightsaber

 

Cornnuts: NOOOOOOooooooo

 

Ihavethebraincell: >:)

 

Footballstar: awww look at the gaws

 

Cornnuts: Im going to make ur chest cavity a full body cavity

 

Grinchbinch: festive

 

Goldenretriever: Give me a G

 

Grinchbinch: G

 

Ihavethebraincell: G

 

Goldenretriever: Give me a A

 

Footballstar: G

 

Footballstar: A

 

Grinchbinch: A

 

Goldenretriever: Give me a W

 

Ihavethebraincell: W

 

Grinchbinch: W

 

Footballstar: W

 

Goldenretriever: GIVE ME AN S

 

Grinchbinch: S

 

Footballstar: S

 

Ihavethebraincell: S

 

Goldenretriever: GAWS

 

Grinchbinch: GAWS

 

Ihavethebraincell: GAWS

 

Footballstar: GAWS

 

Cornnuts: You all are a different fucking breed

 

Cornnuts: At least tell me what it means

 

Grinchbinch: gaws means gaws

 

Cornnuts: Tell me

 

Grinchbinch: i have

 

Cornnuts: i really fucking hate you sometimes

 

Grinchbinch: well i strive to impress

 

Lowercase Gang

6:33pm 10th Oct

 

Footballstar: sometimes i wish i had the stella moustache wyoming has

 

Grinchbinch: ikr like seriously i would kill for his facial hair

 

Ihavethebraincell: whos wyoming???

 

Footballstar: this hoe

 The image is of a white man with black hair, he has white halo 3 amour on and a thick black moustache

Ihavethebraincell: oh my god yess

 

Ihavethebraincell: he has a brilliant moustache

 

Footballstar: he does

 

Grinchbinch: wait ronnie have you ever watched rvb

 

Ihavethebraincell: no…

 

Grinchbinch: bitch tomorrow i am forcing you to mine so i can force you to start watching rvb

 

Footballstar: imma join yall

 

Grinchbinch: we can heather and heather watch it as well

 

Footballstar: :0000 yasss

 

Grinchbinch: yasss

 

Snurch

1:29am 11th Oct

 

Notasferalchild: i want to fight god

 

Feralchild: smae

 

Ihavethebraincell: gotta love having religion forced on you by your elementary school :))))

 

Feralchild: ikr

 

Feralchild: sherwood catholic school was a wonderful place

 

Feralchild: that definitely didnt leave a chunk of our grade with some form of trauma/s

 

Ihavethebraincell: yep :))))



 

Chapter Text

Snurch

4:57am 11th Oct

 

Notasferalchild: is it ok to be playing blind spots from minecraft at 5 in the morning while crying

 

Feralchild: yea

 

Feralchild: i cried while watching stampy the other day

 

Ihavethebraincell: i did it over moshi monsters

 

Feralchild: !!!

 

Feralchild: holy shit i remember that!!!

 

Feralchild:  the memeories

 

Traffic Lights

8:26am 11th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: Hey yall wanna come kill a transphobe

 

Grinchbinch: FUCK YES

 

Ihavethebraincell: lets steal their kneecaps

 

Cornnuts: We take their spine and use it to whip them

 

Footballstar: my uncles a doctor he can get us supplies

 

Grinchbinch: imma steal my brothers baseball bat

 

Grinchbinch: AND SHATTER A HOES TOES

 

Goldenretriever: YASSSS

 

Footballstar: LETS STAB A BITCH

 

Cornnuts: RIGHT WHERE IS THE FUCKER

 

Goldenretriever: Montana 

 

Grinchbinch: ROADTRIP

 

Cornnuts: Wait wait where about in montana i wanna plan this

 

Goldenretriever: Billings

 

Cornnuts:  Oki oki let me see how long of a drive that is

 

Cornnuts:  Its 20 hours

 

Cornnuts:  wed be best doing it over two days

 

Cornnuts:  Split the trip in half spend the night somewhere

 

Footballstar: what about sight seeing and shit

 

Grinchbinch: top priority is committing murder on a transphobe we do sightseeing on the way home

 

Ihavethebraincell: ill make a playlist for the trip

 

Goldenretriever: Yesssss girl in red better be on there i swear to god

 

Snurch

12:13am 12th Oct

 

Notasferalchild: oh to be a british teenage mill worker in the 1800s

 

Notasferalchild: having a constant risk of dying from poor working conditions

 

Notasferalchild: those were the days

 

Feralchild: why are you speaking like that

 

Feralchild: wait no

 

Feralchild: texting

 

Feralchild: WHY ARE YOU TEXTING LIKE THAT

 

Notasferalchild: :)

 

Feralchild: HOEWHY WERE YOU TEXTING LIKE YOU WERE ONE

 

Notasferalchild: :)

 

Feralchild: S T O P

 

Notasferalchild: no

 

Feralchild: JFHDFDGHFGJ WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

 

Notasferalchild: fun

 

Traffic Lights

7:15am 12th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: Hhhhhhhnnnnnnnnggggggg

 

Grinchbinch: gay panic?

 

Goldenretriever: Y E S

 

Goldenretriever: Like my little cousin is making me watch newsies like the original 1992 version and holy fuck i love sarah

 

Grinchbinch: wait let me search her up

 

Grinchbinch: yeeeeeeeeeeeeee  gay panic time

 

Lowercase Gang

1:31pm 12th Oct

 

Footballstar: HOES FUCKIN SUSPENDED ME

 

Grinchbinch: pahahahahhaha

 

Grinchbinch: thats what fucking happens when you kick one of those snotty little snitchy freshmen

 

Footballstar: he deserved it

 

Ihavethebraincell: what did you do???

 

Footballstar: this wanker of a child pushed infront of me thinking he was fucking hard so i casually just kicked him away

 

Footballstar: and knob went and snitched on me

 

Ihavethebraincell: lmao that sucks

 

Ihavethebraincell: at least you get like a week off or something

 

Footballstar: i dont care about school but my dad said if i got suspended again hed pull me out

 

Footballstar: meaning i would probably loose my football scholarship

 

Footballstar: which i was lowkey relying on cos ive not taken any ap classes since sophomore year

 

Grinchbinch: i can take his kneecaps if you want

 

Footballstar: please

 

Snurch

3:05pm 12th Oct

 

Feralchild: hey hey you lot

 

Feralchild: you know the bridge in the woods in the fields behind school

 

Feralchild: the one we used to hang out at on the weekends

 

Ihavethebraincell: yea

 

Martha<3: Yeah

 

Feralchild: its gone

 

Ihavethebraincell: im sorry what

 

Feralchild: its just not there

 

Martha<3: Are you in the right spot?

 

Feralchild: YES

 

Feralchild: like i can see the posts but the bridge is gone

 

Ihavethebraincell: the fuck

 

Ihavethebraincell: this is a disgrace

 

Feralchild: i know right

 

Martha<3: It’s just a bridge

 

Feralchild: martha it was our bridge

 

Feralchild: we must hold a funeral

 

Feralchild: guys grab as much food as you can from the local store and get down here

 

Feralchild: jd get ur ass down here to

 

Notasferalchild: i dont know where the bridge is

 

Feralchild: well find the fuck out

 

Traffic Lights

3:47pm 12th Oct

 

Cornnuts: Youse ever want to kill you family

 

Footballstar: all the time

 

Goldenretriever: Mum yes dad no

 

Ihavethebraincell: only once after that time my aunt left me in a carpark

 

Grinchbinch: havent we all be left in a car park by some relative

 

Ihavethebraincell: ikr

 

Cornnuts: Right good to know im not the only one

 

Snurch

11:20pm 12th Oct

 

Notasferalchild: yall ever just watch a show thats based on like a real profession

 

Notasferalchild: and just wonder how realistic it is

 

Martha<3: Like the office

 

Notasferalchild: yea

 

Martha<3: Then absolutely

 

Ihavethebraincell: pfft who doesnt

 

Feralchild: no????

 

Notasferalchild: ???? why???/

 

Feralchild: i was brought up to not believe random shit

 

Feralchild: i dont trust that shows like that

 

Martha<3: Okay but I have told you blatantly fake stuff before and you believed me

 

Feralchild: i thought you were trustworthy martha


Martha<3: Well maybe Im not that trustworthy >:)

Chapter Text

Ihavethebraincell to Cornnuts

3:06pm 13th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: are you still coming to mine to ‘study’

 

Cornnuts: of course ;)

 

Snurch

4:23pm 13th Oct

 

Feralchild: sometimes i wish tumblr would revert back to itself in 2013 just so i could witness that shit for myself

 

Feralchild:  cos i was like 10

 

Notasferalchild: why would you want to witness like the height of superwholock

 

Feralchild: A list of my biggest fears:

rejection

seaweed

the show supernatural

the leeds rhino

the length of sherlock episodes

 

Martha<3: Why are you scared of these things

 

Feralchild: rejection cos apparently thats a thing with adhd its called like rsd or something idk

 

Feralchild: seaweed cos its slimy i dont like it

 

Feralchild: supernatural as my dad used to be really into it and it scared me when i was like a child

 

Feralchild: look at this

The image is of the leeds rhinos mascot Ronnie the rhino. He is stood up with his right arm bent in and his left arm stretched out.

 

Feralchild: and finally why the fuck are they an hour and a half long

 

Feralchild: they dont need to be that long

 

Notasferalchild: i fukin ass relate to to many of these

 

Martha<3: That’s just called being Gen Z JD

 

Notasferalchild: ah yes being mentally ill and having weird ass fears because of how we were brought up

 

Feralchild: its the gen z experience

 

Notasferalchild: its brilliant being brought up in a fucked up world and then being told you have to fix it

 

Martha<3: The best truly

 

Feralchild: amazing isnt it

 

Traffic Lights

5:17pm 13th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: Hahahahaha fuck having sensitive eyes

 

Goldenretriever: I do not want to have a migraine from turning on my phone in my pitch black room

 

Footballstar: just keep it on a low brightness

 

Goldenretriever: It is

 

Goldenretriever: constantly

 

Footballstar: lmao that sucks i guess

 

Grinchbinch: have you tried not using your phone when in a dark room

 

Goldenretriever: Heather I love you but please

 

Goldenretriever: What the fuqk

 

Grinchbinch: idk it was worth a shot

 

Footballstar: do youse have handler for history

 

Goldenretriever: Kurt we sit next to each other

 

Footballstar: oki but to be fair i am zoned out for the entire lesson

 

Grinchbinch: only us could be so unstable we dont know who were sat next to in lessons at week 6

 

Footballstar: goals

 

Footballstar: anyway mac do you have the homework answers cos its dues tomorrow and i have no clue what its about

 

Goldenretriever: Yea hang on

 

Goldenretriever: Wait aren’t you suspended

 

Footballstar: oh yea forgot about that

 

Footballstar: they havent kicked me outta my classes on google classroom yet so i just sorta forgot 

 

Grinchbinch: how do you forget about being suspended???

 

Footballstar: my mind works in mysterious ways duke

 

Lowercase Gang

6:49pm 13th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: is it romantic to listen to a gay horror podcast with your girlfriend after making out

 

Grinchbinch: oh absolutely

 

Footballstar: ultimate bonding experience

 

Snurch

7:32pm 13th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: i really want to stab elias bouchard in his gay ass homophobic multiple divorced literal god non existant heart

 

Notasferalchild: smæ

 

Feralchild: so many descriptors

 

Martha<3: Wow

 

Feralchild: do it

 

Feralchild: stab him

 

Notasferalchild: if only he was a real person

 

Ihavethebraincell: if he was he would be dead

 

Traffic Lights

8:09pm 13th Oct

 

Grinchbinch: i really want to steal someones brand

 

Ihavethebraincell: why??

 

Cornnuts: You better not take mine or you will be excommunicated from this group

 

Cornnuts: I will make Kurt wear green just to piss you off

 

Grinchbinch: you wouldnt dare

 

Cornnuts: Oh i would

 

Goldenretriever: But Kurts suspended though

 

Cornnuts: Fuck

 

Grinchbinch: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHFUQKYOU

 

Cornnuts: I have weapons

 

Grinchbinch: and i have knifes

 

Grinchbinch: check mate hoe

 

Snurch

9:26pm 13th Oct

 

Notasferalchild: why the fuqk do the pennines look so ugly from above on the bbc weather website

 

Ihavethebraincell: this is so specific

 

Ihavethebraincell: aslo what are the pennines

 

Notasferalchild: The Pennines, also known as the Pennine Chain or Pennine Hills, is a range of hills and mountains separating North West England from Yorkshire and North East England

 

Martha<3: How- what were you doing to find this out?

 

Notasferalchild: so right ive been on call with my cousin fro two hours cos his birthday is the 14th so tomorrow but because fo time differences its already the 14th for him so its his 18th meaning he can legally drink so right now hes in a field getting wasted as you do

 

Notasferalchild: said he wanted to ‘recreate his first time getting drunk with his mates when he was 13’

 

Notasferalchild: and so cos hes on call with me he cant check the weather so he asks me to

 

Notasferalchild: so i google hyde weather and go onto the bbc website

 

Notasferalchild: and seeing as hyde is right next to the pennines i just kinds noticed it looked weird

 

Feralchild: next question where the fuqk is hyde

 

Notasferalchild: east manchester my cousins staying with a friend

 

Notasferalchild: its like really unmemorable

 

Notasferalchild: its got like one memorable thing which is its where the most prolific british serial killer killed most his victims

 

Feralchild: ooh sexy

 

Martha<3: Betty no

 

Feralchild: martha its not my fault i find this shit interesting

 

Ihavethebraincell: betty that doesnt mean you call the fact the serial killer with the most kills is fro sexy

 

Feralchild: cmon ronnie you should know by now


Feralchild: i dont think before i speak

Chapter Text

Traffic Lights

1:18pm 14th Oct

 

Footballstar: hey duke whatt the fuck

 

Grinchbinch: what???

 

Footballstar: no normal fucking person just puts a whole chocolate egg in their mouth

 

Grinchbinch: fuck you

 

Grinchbinch: they are hard to just bite

 

Snurch

8:07am 15th Oct

 

Notasferalchild: it is eight in the fucking morning and i have already recieveed several fucking texts off of a dead group chat

 

Notasferalchild: the first one from two in the morning and it says “october is the month of the gays”

 

Feralchild: ah yes gay spooky month

 

Ihavethebraincell: hoe i know how lonely you are what other group chats are you in

 

Notasferalchild: a surprising amount

 

Notasferalchild: they include

 

Notasferalchild: cumbrian sluts

 

Notasferalchild: spekal breeds

 

Notasferalchild: group therapy

 

Notasferalchild: and eye daddy my beloved

 

Feralchild: all of these are beautiful

 

Notasferalchild: one of these is a family group chat :)

 

Feralchild: i dont like that

 

Notasferalchild: :)

 

Martha<3: JD can go from like normal depressed emo to I am a little shit look at me go in a surprising amount of time

 

Ihavethebraincell: he just has a lot of spite in him

 

Notasferalchild: i do :)

 

Feralchild: oki but are just going to ignore that one of those is a family group chat

 

Ihavethebraincell: yeah what is that about

 

Ihavethebraincell: like my families gc is just chris stop being overprotective

 

Feralchild: how dare your family speak shit of your grandad

 

Feralchild: your grandad is the nicest fucker i have ever met

 

Martha<3: My families is still Quiz Time from like 2 years ago

 

Lowercase Gang

5:49pm 16th Oct

 

Grinchbinch: why the fuck is our name not in full lowercase?????

 

Footballstar: idk you made the group

 

Grinchbinch: i thought you did

 

Footballstar: fucken look back to when it was made

 

Grinchbinch: okay then

 

Grinchbinch: oh no

 

Grinchbinch: what have i done

 

Grinchbinch changed the groupchats name to lowercase gang

 

Grinchbinch: IT HAS BEEN FIXED

 

Grinchbinch: WE ARE NOT GOING TO MENTION THIS EVER AGAIN

 

Traffic Lights

12:53pm 17th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: I hope the royal families necromancer is having a good day today

 

Cornnuts: He must have enough for retirement by now hes been working on old phil for the past 2 decades

 

Goldenretriever: Ikr

 

Goldenretriever: And hell have that job for a lot longer as well as long as we keep any sour patch kids away from him

 

Cornnuts: Gotta keep the 8th grade vsco girls out of london too

 

Goldenretriever: Yep

 

Cornnuts: Well have to be sorry for the queen when he finally goes shell lose her husband and her cousin on the same day

 

Goldenretriever: So sad

 

Cornnuts: So sad

 

Snurch

5:29pm 18th Oct

 

Feralchild: who wants to make a long furby with me

 

Martha<3: Hey Betty what the fuck

 

Feralchild:

The image is of a black and yellow plaid long furby on an outside chair

 

Feralchild: him

 

Ihavethebraincell: as martha said what the fuck

 

Notasferalchild: we should make one

 

Feralchild: yesssss jd gets it

 

Ihavethebraincell: guys please no

 

Itscominghome to Footballstar

7:36am 19th Oct

 

Itscominghome: Hey

 

Footballstar: what do you want

 

Itscominghome: Bit unwelcome arent you gays always going on about how everyones equal and being mean is bad

 

Footballstar: some do i dont care about taht shit though

 

Footballstar: anyway why are you texting me

 

Footballstar: seeing as the last time you did that you called me a traitor to the football team and the f slur

 

Itscominghome: You deserved it though

 

Itscominghome: Just quit the team straight up like that

 

Footballstar: seeing as you outed me to them and i know their homophobic id like to think it was self preservation

 

Footballstar: but that didnt matter as you graffitied my locker with slurs for the school to see

 

Footballstar: the only reason im not getting more shit is cos the heathers and veronica arent exactly secretive about what they are to eachother

 

Itscominghome: Fuck off

 

Itscominghome: I just texted to say I know your dad will probably pull you out cos you got suspended again

 

Footballstar: and?

 

Itcominghome: Jesus christ on crystal meth im getting to it you fag

 

Footballstar: ooh back on the slurs i see

 

Itscominghome: I just came to say that you were a good player and that its a shame you probably wont get your scholarship

 

Footballstar: theres gonna be another thing isnt there

 

Footballstar: you were never this like sentimental to me even when we were friends

 

Itscominghome: But your still a mega bitch traitor who I think should burn in hell

 

Footballstar: well ill see you there :)

 

lowercase gang

4:26pm 20th Oct

 

Footballstar: right fuckers guess whose no longer a student at wester fucking berg high

 

Grinchbinch: lucky slag

 

Footballstar: :)

 

Footballstar: i know

 

Ihavethebraincell: you dont have to deal with phlegm anymore you bastard

 

Footballstar: FUCK YEA BYE BITCHES

 

Grinchbinch: FUCK YOU

 

Snurch

7:03pm 21st Oct

 

Cornnuts: Why have i decided to start a show on netflix 4 days before it goes off

 

Grinchbinch: because your stupid

 

Grinchbinch: a big dumb dumb

 

Cornnuts: Well im sorry but i want the gay

 

Grinchbinch: hoe whats the show

 

Cornnuts: Go find it

 

Grinchbinch: HOE WHATS THE FUCKING SHOW

 

Cornnuts: Im not telling you bestie <3

 

Snurch

11:26pm 22nd

 

Martha<3: Hey JD when is your birthday

 

Notasferalchild: 31st this month

 

Notasferalchild: why???

 

Ihavethebraincell: you are so lucky that what i was planning to get you has a less than 8 day delivery

 

Feralchild: AW FUCK I CANT BELIEVE YOUVE DONE THIS

 

Notasferalchild: im sorry

 

Notasferalchild: i shouldve told yall but it just slipped my mind im sorry

 

Martha<3: No no no it’s okay

 

Martha<3: Just maybe be prepared to have some late presents

 

Martha<3: Especially from Betty


Feralchild: OI

Chapter Text

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2:16pm 23rd Oct

 

Grinchbinch: what the fook

 

Footballstar: ???

 

Ihavethebraincell: heather you are aware that hair can change colour as you get older

 

Grinchbinch: well i am now

 

Footballstar: whats going on?????

 

Goldenretriever: My ever so lovely and braincell less girlfriend didnt know that if you have blonde or light brown hair it probably will darken over time

 

Cornnuts: Just a quick one heather are you aware that heather dyes her hair blonde

 

Grinchbinch: yea of course im fucking aware that my own girlfriends dyes her fucking hair you twat

 

Cornnuts: Okay okay just checking

 

Grinchbinch: fuck you

 

Cornnuts: Thats ronnies job <3

 

Ihavethebraincell: hell yea

 

Grinchbinch: anyways i refuse to believe that fucking jd had blond hair as a kid

 

Grinchbinch: like his hair is black

 

Cornnuts: How do you know this

 

Cornnuts: Your not friends with him

 

Ihavethebraincell: god i wish you were in our science class

 

Goldenretriever: Right Right so Heather we’re looking at like genes and shit and Andrews said that its responsible for yknow hair colour and type, eye colour and all that

 

Goldenretriever: And that kid with the white hair and glasses, josh i think his name is, always saying he has some sort of genetic thing

 

Cornnuts: ah yea said he almost killed his mum in the womb from something we later found out couldnt happen

 

Grinchbinch: yea him

 

Goldenretriever: Yea so he asked if genes were responsible for when people have light hair as a kid that goes brown as they get older

 

Goldenretriever: And miss was like yea and then she went ‘right some examples, put your hand up if when you were younger your hair was lighter’

 

Goldenretriever: So some of us put our hands up including Jd

 

Goldenretriever: And here we are

 

Grinchbinch: i still dont get how that twat could have had blond hair when he was younger

 

Grinchbinch: wait wait wait ronnie ask him

 

Grinchbinch: you have his number

 

Ihavethebraincell: already have

 

Ihavethebraincell: what do you think i was doing while heather was explaining

 

Grinchbinch: idk 

 

Ihavethebraincell: anyway he said he had blonde hair as a kid that went dirty blonde around middle school but is like a lightish brown when cut short however he dyes his hair black

 

Footballstar: lmao imagine having four hair colours in the span on 17 years cant relate

 

Snurch

7:28pm 24th Oct

 

Feralchild: guys im watching a show that aired from 2006-2011 with canon gays and someone has shot someone else in the shoulder

 

Ihavethebraincell: fuck yea

 

Ihavethebraincell: canon gays canon gays canon gays

 

Notasferalchild: hoe what show is this???

 

Feralchild: torchwood

 

Feralchild: very dramatic

 

Feralchild: also im like not even a season in and i know for a fact that ⅗ of the main cast is dead by season 4

 

Feralchild: am also emotionally invested in the characters already

 

Notasferalchild: lmao i do that

 

lowercase gang

11:39pm 25th Oct

 

Grinchbinch: oki so in pixars cars theres a hippie volks wagon caravan meaning taht there was a cars vietnam war. This means that their is a cars america and seeing as they are cars they need lots more oil and therefore there is tension between cars america and cars middle east. Evidently this means theres a car 9/11 as if theirs cars america and cars middle east cnflict there is a cars al queada. Now this means that the cars equivalent of gerard way would be inspired to make a cars my chemical romance. What famous book series is inspired by my chemical romance? twilight. Meaning there is a cars twilight so there is a cars fifty shades of grey

 

Ihavethebraincell: Heather wtf

 

Grinchbinch: when left t my own devices i lose touch with reality

 

Footballstar: damn thats long

 

Footballstar: i cant be assed to read that

 

Footballstar: but from ronnies reaction i dont think its good

 

Ihavethebraincell: yea its not

 

Grinchbinch: im just speaking the truth

 

Grinchbinch: lightning mcqueen has probably read a cars fifty shade of grey

 

Footballstar: what in the ever living fuck goes on in your mind

 

Grinchbinch: i get a single thought whenever my braincell hits a corner in my skull

 

Ihavethebraincell: ah so your thoughtless

 

Snurch

2:03am 26th Oct

 

Feralchild: oh season 2 is going grate weve gotten a gay kiss and now they are punching the shit outta each other

 

Notasferalchild: oh?

 

12:47pm 27th Oct

 

Ihavethebraincell: time to shame betty

 

Martha<3: Why?

 

Ihavethebraincell: she thought the greeks spoke posh italian

 

Martha<3: W-what

 

Feralchild: in my defense it did look italian

 

Notasferalchild: how do greek letters look italian

 

Notasferalchild: they have completely different alphabets

 

Feralchild: well how was i supposed to know

 

Ihavethebraincell: by having basic knowledge

 

Feralchild: bold of you to assume i have that

 

Martha<3: What did you even see that made you say “ah yes the greeks spoke posh italian”

 

Feralchild: ive already repressed it idk

 

Ihavethebraincell: so we were reading a thing for history and it had a passage in greek and betty asks what the language is

 

Ihavethebraincell: i answer greek because its in greek

 

Ihavethebraincell: and betty replies with “is that what the speak in greece?”

 

Ihavethebraincell: it is so i answer yes

 

Ihavethebraincell: betty than says “oh i thought they spoke posh italian”

 

Martha<3: Oh Betty

 

Traffic Lights

5:29pm 28th Oct

 

Goldenretriever: Children always say the weirdest shit

 

Goldenretriever: Like my cousins just compared the tenth doctor to the rat from flushed away

 

Cornnuts: Whats flushed away?

 

Grinchbinch: hoe youve never watched flushed away

 

Cornnuts: No…

 

Grinchbinch: you are a disgrace

 

Cornnuts: I know :)

 

Grinchbinch: right tomorrow night we are watching flushed away

 

Grinchbinch: you do not get a choice in this

 

Cornnuts: Okay then…

 

Cornnuts: Ill be sure to bring snacks

 

Grinchbinch: also you fuckers are coming to


Grinchbinch: we are watching this masterpiece of a film together