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Happy Birthday, Hidan

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Alone on his birthday, Hidan ordered a cheap, single topping pizza for dinner, got a couple of beers from his fridge and made himself comfortable on his couch with netflix in his underwear. It was kind of pathetic, but he'd had worse birthdays. Still... he couldn't help but feel hurt that his two closest friends hadn't even at the very least sent him a text. As he absentmindedly ate a slice of pizza, his mind wandered to what Kakuzu was doing, and how he could have forgotten his birthday. And then he thought about Kisame, and wondered if he was just too busy. Kisame was more thoughtful, it would be unlike him to have actually forgotten completely. Maybe they were both just too caught up with work. 

The year before the three of them had gone out for lunch and drinks, after that they bought some cake from a bakery and went to Kakuzu’s to eat it and have a few more drinks. Him and Kisame had spent the night, the three of them asleep on the couches. Hidan would be lying if he said he hadn’t been hoping for a repeat of the same, and maybe something more... But at this point, he would take just a text. 

Anything.

Leaning back with an exaggerated sigh, Hidan shut the TV off, uninterested in watching anything more and made up his mind to go lay down in his bed and just go to sleep. It was still early, but he had nothing else to do and he just wanted the day over and done with. Almost as soon as he was in bed, his hand started to wander, trailing it's way down his chest, over his stomach and under the waistband of his shorts. Just because he was alone on his birthday didn’t mean he couldn’t at least make himself feel good...

Lifting his hips, he slid his shorts off and reached into the drawer of his nightstand for some lube. Hidan squirted a generous amount out onto his hand, then wrapped it around the base of his cock and began to slowly stroke himself with a soft moan.

Several minutes later, his phone buzzed but he ignored it, too into the task at hand. Until it buzzed again and then there were a set of familiar footsteps coming down the hall outside his apartment.

His hand froze in place, cock twitching, heart pounding. With his clean hand, Hidan grabbed his phone and saw the texts were from Kakuzu.

“Oh shit!” 

Kakuzu wanted to come by with Kisame, they were bringing an ice cream cake. Hidan let his hand slide up his cock once more as he finished reading the messages and moaned softly. 

There was a knock on his door that he recognized as Kisame’s. 

“Open the door, we know you’re home and I know you read my messages!” Kakuzu shouted through the door.

Then Kisame shouted, “Don’t make us wait, the cake will melt!” 

Hidan jumped off his bed in an instant, grabbing his jeans and stuck his head out his bedroom door, “I’m taking a piss!” Once dressed, he quickly washed his hands and dried them on his way to open the door.

His cheeks were pink and his breathing faster than it should be, and Kakuzu just looked at him a moment before asking, “Did we come at a bad time?” 

Shaking his head, Hidan let them in, “No, not at all. I was on the toilet!” There was no way they could have known what he was doing, so why did he feel like they did?

“Hope you washed your hands,” Kisame said as he set the cake on his counter and Kakuzu looked to see if there was anything to drink. Only finding a few beers in the fridge, he spotted two empty bottles on the coffee table next to the partially eaten pizza in the pizza box. 

“Who wants a beer?” Kakuzu asked. 

“Beer and ice cream cake? Have some class, Kakuzu,” Kisame said, coming up behind Kakuzu, and pulled the vodka and a bottle of juice from off the door of the fridge, “That’s better. Alright, who wants a drink?” 


The alcohol and sugar, combined with being wedged between his two best friends. Two very attractive best friends, Hidan amended in his mind. Over the course of their friendship, he had tried not to think about that, but he just couldn’t help it. They were both so handsome, and his feelings towards them had moved past friends to something more some time ago.

The close proximity had Hidan warm, and his jeans becoming uncomfortably tight as he couldn't stop the thoughts that ran through his head, about what he'd like them to be doing to him. The fact he hadn’t been able to finish earlier certainly didn’t help. 

Kakuzu was close. Kisame was even closer. And it smelled like they were wearing the same cologne- Kakuzu's, Hidan recognized it. It was Hidan’s favorite, a spicy, woodsy scent. 

“You were in the middle of something when we got here, weren’t you?” Kakuzu asks, his voice dropped low and he finished his second drink.

Hidan flushed scarlet, “Uh, yeah, taking a piss.” 

“If that's what you want to call it,” Kakuzu moved closer, and Hidan couldn’t take his eyes off him, while on his other side he felt Kisame move closer, “I’ve heard that two hands are better than one. Haven’t you heard that, Kisame?”

“Oh yes, that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never tried it before. Have you?”

“Tried… two hands? What are you getting at?” Hidan asked, confusion on his face. 

Kakuzu ignored him, answering Kisame instead, “Never. I haven’t ever been tempted enough before now.”

“Kakuzu? Kisame? ‘the fuck are you up to?” Hidan asked, his voice sounding strange to his ears.  

He didn’t miss the two of them eyeing the now visible tenting of his jeans and he felt his face flush even deeper.

“It seems you could use a hand, or two.” Kakuzu leaned over, lips grazing his skin, breath hot against Hidan’s neck.

Hidan could only groan, all rational thought gone from his head as he felt Kisame do the same, and asked, “Would you like that, Hidan? Would like the both of us to get you off for your birthday?”

How did they know?! And what were they up to?! He wouldn’t be able to stand it if they were playing a joke on him. 

It didn't take long for Hidan to nod, “Hell yeah, I want it. I want both of you. Fucking get me off for my birthday, please! I’m begging here!” Maybe it was the alcohol, or just Hidan’s own impulsiveness, but he confessed, “I was totally jacking off when you texted me, even when you knocked on the door. Why don’t you two finish what you couldn’t let me do?”

“With pleasure.” Kakuzu drawled, leaning in and kissing Hidan’s neck. Hidan groaned and then gasped as he felt another mouth, hot and wet, against the other side of his neck. With two sets of hands on his chest, his stomach, moving up and down his sides, and two mouths kissing and sucking and biting, Hidan was quickly reduced to a writhing, moaning mess. Unable to sit up on his own, he fell back against the couch, his legs spread wide, granting permission, as his cock ached against its confines. 

Kakuzu reached for him first. His hand, large and firm, gripped him through his jeans and then Kisame was sliding his own hand down under the waistband, quirking a brow as he realized Hidan had nothing on underneath and his fingers brushed soft hair. 

“What? I had to get dressed quick to let you two in.” Hidan grinned.

Rolling his hips up into Kakuzu’s palm, Hidan closed his eyes and trusted them to take care of him. As his pants were pulled off by one of them, and his shirt by the other, he reached up, opening his eyes to see who was closest, Kisame, and he pulled him down for a kiss. Moments later, Kakuzu wanted in on that kiss, too, as his hand, large and rough with callouses, wrapped around the base of Hidan’s cock. Kisame’s hand, smoother but just as large, soon joined Kakuzu’s and they worked together to push Hidan over the edge. 

It didn’t take long at all, and Hidan was almost disappointed as he felt the heat coil inside him. He tried to hold back but the feeling of two sets of hands and two mouths on him had made him hypersensitive, and as he came hard, he was sure he might die then and there. 

Blood rushed in his ears as his vision went white. Someone kissed him, Kakuzu or Kisame, or maybe it was both of them together, swallowing his moans, muffling them in small living room.

And if he did die, Hidan thought, he would die a very happy man. He went slack against the couch as he rode out the waves of pleasure, eyes closed and breathing hard.

“Did he pass out?” Kisame chuckled, pushing Hidan’s hair back from his face and let his fingers thread through soft, silver locks.

“I hope not, I was going to suggest moving this to his bedroom.” Kakuzu said.

Kisame leaned over Hidan with a growl and caught Kakuzu’s mouth with his and that was what greeted Hidan as he opened his eyes.

Hidan’s eyes opened, “Uhm, bed-bedroom you say? Fuckin’ yes, please. This is gonna be the best birthday of my whole fucking life. Might be my last, too.” He grinned at the two, pulling them both down for a kiss, their tongues sliding against each others before Kakuzu pulled away first.

“Alright then, let’s move to the bedroom. I hope this time it’s clean.” 

“Fuck you, of course it is. I just changed my sheets the other day.”

“And we’ll make sure you have to change them again by morning,” Kisame laughed and lifted Hidan into his arms. 

He was soft and pliant, his limbs feeling like jelly, and he gave a shout as he was tossed on the mattress. Rolling over, he watched as Kisame and Kakuzu shed their clothes.

Never in his wildest dreams had he thought he would actually get not just one but both of them together in his bed. Fuck, they weren’t even crushes anymore, Hidan thought, he had completely fallen for them both a long time ago. 

“You alright, Hidan?” Kisame asked as he climbed into bed on one side as Kakuzu got in on the other, “You need to rest a little before we get started?”

Hidan shook his head, “I’m good.” 

“Good. But by the time we’re finished, you are going to need to rest. We have every intention of wearing you out tonight,” Kakuzu told him. 

“Yeah, when you’re finished, dammit, not now. Hey, wait. Did you two plan this?” 

After a shared look, and a single nod from Kisame, the two descended on Hidan together, mouths and hands on bare skin. Kissing, biting, touching and gripping him. 

“Best birthday ever...” Hidan gasped out between moans before Kakuzu filled his mouth with several fingers to silence him.