Laughter echoes throughout the rooftop and it feels like a soothing balm to Kara’s heart. They’re having a much needed get together – the first in what feels like forever. They haven’t been up here since that time Brainy got hilariously drunk and babbled about “finding” Nia. Kara’s lips twitch at the memory. He sits next to Nia now, still not quite the same as he once was, but trying so hard to be. They haven’t gotten back together, but Kara knows that Nia wants to let him back in. Some things just need time though. She can tell by the softness in his eyes that he would wait as long as it took if the result was Nia just holding his hand again.
They had spent the early evening up here having drinks and takeout – they’re currently sitting around a firepit making s’mores as the sun sets over the city. Alex and Kelly sit to the right of Nia and Brainy. Alex is currently defending the merits of completely burning the outside of the marshmallow while Kelly vouches for her lightly toasted one.
“You’re eating charcoal, honey.” Kelly’s tone is playful and she hasn’t stopped smiling since Alex began her tangent.
“No, but see, that’s that best part! It’s that crispy outer layer – that’s what makes it.” Alex whips her head around their group circle, with a look that says need I say more?
Kara grins, but stays silent. What Kelly doesn’t know is that Alex prefers hers that way because of all the times they spent during their teenage years playing with Kara’s heat vision. Kara burnt a lot of marshmallows – Alex never complained though. She makes a mental note to tell Kelly about it when they don’t have to watch what they say.
Kara glances to her right where William sits, constructing his own s’more. She finds herself leaning towards the vacant seat to her left though, like maybe through sheer force of will, she can get her best friend to sit down again by her side. Lena had gotten up around ten minutes ago citing the need for some fresh air. Kara had wanted to object – they were on the roof, so technically all the air was fresh. But she knows that’s not what Lena meant. And this is part of it all – the steps they need to take in order to rebuild their friendship. And boundaries is definitely a necessary step.
Kara had been so scared – terrified really – to let Lena back in. But Lena showed up on her doorstep, ready to take a leap that Kara isn’t sure she was brave enough to take herself. And since that day, Lena hasn’t stopped showing up for her. In the months following their takedown of Leviathan, her and Lena have worked side by side to take down Lex.
She’s both surprised and not at all with how well Lena fits into their new makeshift headquarters. The Tower had always felt right to Kara, but unexplainably incomplete. And then they had rescued Brainy, and Lena had sat there next to him, going over plans and calculations, and it’s like a missing piece finally slotted into place. Kara had almost cried the day J’onn presented Lena with her own designated chair in The Tower – a small L-Corp logo embossed on the back. Lena did actually cry once she thought J’onn couldn’t see, which had prompted her and Kara’s first hug in what felt like a lifetime. It hadn’t even been a particularly good hug – it was awkward and stilted. But her stomach flipped the second they touched and her arms tingled for twenty minutes afterward. They haven’t hugged since then, but she remembers the feeling in every nerve of her body. And she remembers the silent communication she and J’onn had over Lena’s shoulder that day – the softness in his eyes had healed a piece of her heart.
Kara hadn’t realized how important it was for not only Lena to be there by her side, but for her family to take Lena under their wing, just as they had for her. It felt real in a way it never truly did before Lena knew she was Supergirl. She can tell it felt different to Lena too, knowing that she had a proper seat at this table.
And together, they made a team that Kara had never dreamed she would be able to call her own. Lena had outfitted their base with tech since they no longer had access to any without the DEO. She had modified the Kryptosuit so that it was held in an even smaller compact disk that could now be kept pinned onto her regular suit. It could be engaged remotely via The Tower, or voice activated by anyone on the team by saying “kryptonite”. Lena had also been helping out with Alex’s new suit and weapons, much to Alex’s pleasure. She now had a black eye mask to match her suit which came with an abundance of techy features like night vision and infrared. Lena had spent most of the past couple months operating as the comms for the team, relaying critical information from The Tower. In the end, it had taken nearly 6 months to finally take down Lex for good. And during that time Kara and Lena started the slow process of learning one another again.
Many nights were spent huddled over leads. She would be lying if she said she didn’t experience a rush just standing in the same room as Lena again. She had stopped daring to hope that the two of them could even be a shadow of what they once were. But now? There’s a distinct lightness that Kara has never experienced before with Lena, and she feels high on it – bare in a vulnerable way, but the relief it brings is nothing short of intoxicating. She wants to drown in it and every moment she spends next to Lena is a near desperate attempt to somehow say, Rao, I want you to know me.
She wants to know Lena too – wants Lena to give each piece to her now, and know who she is giving those pieces to. Not every moment was a good one – there were still times where they became short with one another, or when a painful memory broke its way to the surface. But Kara didn’t run from them anymore, and neither did Lena. It could be draining sometimes – but it was cathartic in a way that she knew they both needed. Those moments were becoming less and less frequent as time passed.
Kara glances towards where Lena is currently standing near the roof’s edge, looking out at the setting sun. Alex’s eyes finally connect with hers after a long moment and she gives Kara an all too knowing look – she can always tell when Kara’s distracted. A moment passes before Alex gives an imperceptible nod in Lena’s direction that has Kara smiling softly back at her sister.
She rises from her chair. “I’ll be back.”
Soft smiles greet her as she squeezes out of their circle, but she misses the way William’s brow furrows at her departure.
Kara makes her footsteps loud to alert Lena to her presence. Her shuffling feet have Lena turning her head in greeting.
“Hey,” she says softly.
She settles herself next to Lena until they’re both leaning with their forearms on the roof’s edge, staring out over the city. Kara gives it a moment before she starts speaking again.
Kara knows besides herself, no one wanted to take down Lex more than Lena. Despite that fact, she’s still mourning the loss of her brother, no matter how terrible of a man he was. Lena had gone half a year after shooting Lex, without anyone knowing. All that time, suffering in silence. Kara doesn’t want history to repeat itself. Lena takes a deep breath before she finally responds.
“I’m alright. Just … thinking.” It’s left to hang there and Kara ponders for a moment what she’s meant to do here – back off or push for more? She used to feel like she could read Lena better than anyone. But their relationship is still new enough now though that Kara doesn’t know which course to take. She isn’t left floundering for long though as Lena begins to speak again.
“Sorry it’s just…sometimes I have these moments where it’s a little hard to breathe. When I remember all that’s happened. All that I’ve done.” Her voice cracks and Kara has to resist the urge to touch her. “It can be overwhelming at times, being around everyone again. I think I’m still getting used to what it feels like to not be a one woman show – to be part of a team again, you know?”
Kara nods in understanding. “Yeah, I know. It’s not just a team though, Lena.” She turns to face her now. “These people are my friends – my family. They can be yours too. I need you to know that.” She tilts her head to catch Lena’s eyes.
“I know. It’s just going to take some time to feel –” she pauses and shrugs her shoulders. “To feel like I belong.” Something in Kara’s heart breaks at that, but she knows why Lena feels this way. She knows she helped contribute to it – making Lena feel like she doesn’t belong here with them.
“I’m going to do everything I can to show you that you do.” She’s resolute in her words as she meets Lena’s eyes again.
“I know you will.” Lena’s are glassy with tears but she smiles genuinely as she meets Kara’s gaze head on. It has Kara smiling back to her. Lena wipes at her eyes and clears her throat before she speaks again.
“There’s actually something I wanted to tell you.” She turns back towards the city and takes a deep breath. “I’ve been seeing someone.”
Kara’s stomach drops to the floor at that, and she finds she can’t hide how quickly the smile has been wiped from her face. She doesn’t really know why her body reacts the way it does. All she knows is the only thing running faster than her heart right now is her brain trying to come up with potential suitors.
Who would she even have time to see? They’ve been so busy. Maybe it’s someone she knows already. James? No, he would’ve told her if that had been the case. Someone else from work? No, she’s never mentioned anyone else. For some reason, Andrea’s face suddenly flashes to the forefront of her brain and Kara finds her jaw clenching uncontrollably. Her inner turmoil is cut short though as Lena continues speaking.
“Kelly insisted to me that she can not be my therapist,” Lena chuckles self deprecatingly, “so she was kind enough to make me a referral.” And just like that the tension in her jaw releases as she comprehends what Lena is really telling her.
“You’re going to therapy?”
Lena nods in response. She looks proud of herself – it’s a look that Kara hasn’t seen on her face in a long time. Kara can’t help but be proud in return.
“Lena, I – that’s so great. That’s not an easy step to take.” She blows out a big breath. “Good for you. I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you,” Lena ducks her head at that as she whispers the words. When she lifts her head again, her voice is a bit stronger. “One of the things we’ve talked about in therapy is how I can’t expect people to read my mind. If there’s something I want, I have to ask for it.” Kara finds herself following quicker now.
“Ok. Ask me then.” She feels nervous but her voice doesn’t waver, and she thinks it gives Lena the push she needs.
“Can you – “ she hesitates for a second before squaring her jaw but Kara can see the vulnerability behind her eyes. “Will you hold me?”
To anyone else, it may seem like an awkward if not random request. But Kara feels her body warm at all the potential it brings – the door opening to physical closeness again. It’s something Kara hasn’t known how to navigate in their newfound friendship, but she’s always tended to be tactile when it comes to loved ones. After being so jarringly separated from Lena in the past year, she doesn’t waste another second before pulling her into her arms.
It isn’t like their stilted hug at The Tower – it’s like how they hugged before . No – it's better than before.
Before the world came crashing down on them – before they fell apart. In the beginning, Kara had thought those shattered pieces of their friendship were big enough to glue back together. It had taken a while to accept that maybe the fractured pieces were too small for her and Lena.
Maybe that didn’t matter though. Even glass can be remolded – shaped into something new. It wasn’t about gluing those pieces together, Kara realizes. It was about creating a new beginning. As she holds Lena in her arms, she feels a wave of hope drape over her shoulders. She doesn’t know what just yet, but she can feel her and Lena being molded into something new. Something good – something better .
Her arms rest around Lena’s lower back, and they just feel right there. She feels and hears Lena sigh in relief, morph into a hum of content before she buries her face in the crook of Kara’s neck. Kara takes it as an invitation and does the same, her nose brushing against Lena’s neck in the process – she can feel the goosebumps rise on Lena’s skin. Their fronts are flush against each other. They’ve hugged tight before, but she doesn’t think a piece of paper could fit between them right now as they slowly sway back and forth. Kara can smell Lena’s shampoo and the perfume on her neck. So many words could describe the smell that is so distinctly Lena, but all Kara can think of is home .
“So you and Lena seemed cozy last night,” William says as he places down his coffee.
They’re in Kara’s kitchen, going over some sources before their staff meeting tomorrow. She can feel the crinkle in her forehead form before she can even decipher his tone.
“Yeah – things have been going well. Really well.” She finds that she doesn’t want to divulge much more to him. Her and Lena still feel so fresh. For some reason she feels a strong urge to keep William and Lena separate. She finds that unlike with Alex, J’onn, and all the others, she feels no desire for Lena and William to know one another. “Actually, we’re gonna hang out on Friday. Stay in and have a movie night,” she says as she highlights the last of her page before flipping to the next.
After their embarrassingly long embrace the night before, Alex had softly interrupted, citing the need to clean up for the night. It had left her awkwardly scratching at the back of her neck, and then impulsively inviting Lena over. To her relief, Lena readily agreed. Kara had ended the night grinning to herself over paper plates, bottles, and trash bags.
“Oh…” William fumbles at that, and it has Kara glancing up at him. Her face must convey enough confusion because he barrels on, “I just – I was thinking we could go try that new board game restaurant that just opened.”
Kara nods. “Yeah sure – maybe another time?” She turns her attention back to the notes in front of her, but she can feel his stare lingering. “Everything alright?”
“Yea, it’s just –” he hesitates now and it has Kara setting down her highlighter to give him her full attention. “It’s just that I wanted to go out last Friday and the Friday before that. I don’t know, lately – It just feels like you don’t want to put the time into this anymore.”
For the first time in a while Kara contemplates what this actually is. They’ve been going on dates, although Kara would hesitate to call them that if she’s being honest. They’re casual and they never end with anything physical. He tried to kiss her once after their fifth date, but she had cited wanting to take things slow before turning away. He had been apologetic and graceful in response and hadn’t pushed for more since then.
Outside of that, he’s continued to ply her with baked goods that were beginning to feel excessive even to Kara – she had eventually gotten him to ease back on that. Kara thinks it must be therapeutic for him though. He had taken the time to show her some of his favorite recipes that had Kara finally learning how to stop burning every baked good she makes. It had been fun. But they haven’t been hanging out one on one anymore. And as she loops their conversation back in her head, she thinks she realizes what he’s implying.
“And you think that has to do with Lena?”
“I – well…does it?” His tone is non-confrontational and she can tell that really, he just wants her to talk to him.
“I – “ she flounders for a moment. “Lena and I have been through a lot this past year. You know that.” Her mouth feels dry all of a sudden. He does know that, but when it comes down to it, he really doesn’t. She had obviously never divulged why her and Lena had a falling out, just that they had. And she wasn’t in any rush to talk more to William about Lena, especially since he’d revealed getting closer to Lena and the Luthor’s was the entire reason he had moved to National City.
He nods in understanding. “Yeah, and I get that. I guess I just feel like I’m trying to do the same with you, but – “ he trails off for a moment. “I just mean to say, if you don’t want to pursue this – you and I anymore – I would understand.” And for the first time tonight, Kara notices the forlorn look on his face.
“William…” she’s always hated this part – men looking at her like she kicked their puppy. But she finds she has no counter argument to give. She has been distracted lately. Enough so that hanging out with William had completely taken a back seat if it wasn’t in a group setting or work related. At one point or another, Kara had been happy to explore a potential new avenue with him. But it hits Kara heavy in her gut as she realizes that interest has waned, until it has disappeared entirely. And she finds that she can pinpoint exactly what changed – what William had alluded to earlier.
Kara takes a moment to collect her thoughts before meeting William’s eyes again. Be honest .
“I’ve known Lena for four years now, and she’s – “ Kara doesn’t know how to finish that sentence but she finds her brain silently filling in the gap before she has time to unpack it. Everything .
“I just feel like right now, in my life, I want to give that relationship the attention I should have been giving it before.” She swallows down the dryness in her throat. “I’m sorry it’s been to the detriment of ours though.”
“It’s ok.” His smile is subdued but genuine. “I just needed to know where things were at with you. If friendship is enough for you, then it’s enough for me. Am I reading this wrong?”
“No,” she says before she can second guess herself. “No, you’re not.”
He nods in a way that seems final. Kara has a fleeting feeling of loss that inevitably comes in times like this, but it’s followed by a surge of relief that she no longer has to put up a pretense she didn’t even realize she was upholding. They sit in silence for a long moment until finally William lifts up his styrofoam coffee cup and tilts it towards Kara.
And just like that, the awkwardness that had been suffocating the room dissipates. Kara hadn’t imagined this is how her night was going to turn out, but she finds herself smiling as she lifts her own cup to tap against his. Maybe this didn’t have to always be so hard.
“To friends,” she agrees.
He nods again. Kara goes to take a sip of her own coffee, but ends up snorting into it instead when William somewhat ridiculously chugs his. He faux slams the styrofoam cup onto the table before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Gesturing to the highlighted documents strewn before them, he rolls up his sleeves.
“Alright Danvers, lets see what we’ve got.”
“So wait – he broke up with you?” Alex says as she crunches on a tortilla chip loaded with salsa. She says it like she finds the idea ludicrous.
“I don’t know if I'd say he broke up with me . It was more like I broke up with him, but he did the work for me.” Kara takes her own large bite of chips and dip before she continues mid crunch. She backtracks, “I mean actually, it was mutual. We agreed to be friends. You know, doesn’t really feel like a breakup. I kinda don’t feel like we were even dating, if I’m being honest.” She shrugs her shoulders at that.
They’re sitting in Kara’s living room – her on the floor as Alex sits on the couch. Kelly makes her way back to them from the kitchen, adding a bowl of guacamole to their spread. She turns towards Kara as she gets comfortable next to Alex again.
“Hey, that happens sometimes. Not everyone you date is gonna be the love of your life, you know?”
“Except for me though right?” Alex chimes in with a dumb grin.
Kelly rolls her eyes but smirks despite herself, “Of course babe, you’re the love of everyone’s life.”
Alex waggles her eyebrows at that as she shoots Kara a smug look. Kara throws her handful of popcorn at her sister with a laugh. Alex cackles before she picks at the ones that have fallen to her lap and proceeds to pop one into her mouth.
“Did he say why he suddenly felt this way though? I mean I could have guessed you were only one foot in this, but he seemed head over heels for you, what with the baked goods thing and all that.”
Kara groans, “Yeah I know, it started getting weird. I was beginning to feel less like he was a potential partner, and more like a nice delivery person who happens to know my name.”
Alex snorts, “Who would’ve thought – I figured the way to your heart was your stomach.”
“So did I, but even I have my limits apparently.” She takes the time to chew another handful of chips before speaking again.
“He did though – mention why he felt the way he did. Apparently I spend too much time with Lena.” Alex frowns at that, while Kelly’s brow furrows in deep thought.
“Huh,” Alex’s lips twist in consideration. “Is that what he said?”
Kara wipes her hands together to shake off the excess salt. “No, not exactly – but he basically said that since Lena and I have made up, I dedicate more to her than to him.”
Alex and Kelly share a look before Kelly replies, “Well what do you think?”
Kara blows out a puff of air, “I mean, I think he’s not wrong – I have been prioritizing spending time with Lena over him. But like – I can’t even find it in me to feel bad about it, really. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am with Lena.” She finds herself rambling now. “It sucks that it didn’t work out, but I’m not going to throw my four plus year relationship with Lena down the toilet after everything, you know?”
Alex raises her eyebrows in that way she always does whenever Kara rants about Lena, but she nods her head in understanding. Alex had been skeptical to say the least when Lena had integrated herself back into their lives again. Her and Lena had their own issues to work through. The walls between her sister and her best friend seemed to somewhat dismantle though once Alex revealed that she had also been in the dark about Kara’s identity the year before. Since then, she knows her sister and her best friend have been working through their own relationship together.
“I guess though, I’m struggling to figure out what makes this time so different,” Kara says. “I feel like I’ve never had a problem balancing my relationships like this before.”
Even when she was with Mon-El, who admittedly took up a large chunk of her time, she never felt like her other relationships significantly suffered as a result. She still found time to have sister nights with Alex, hang with James and Winn, chats with J’onn, brunches with Lena.
“Well you’re here with us – it’s not like you’ve thrown everyone to the wayside just for Lena,” Alex says. “Maybe the problem isn’t prioritization skills. Maybe you just aren’t interested in hanging out with the dude.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She finds the crinkle between her brow forming again as her mind veers off into space. Kelly’s voice breaks her out of the trance.
“Sometimes we compartmentalize the people in our lives – kinda like having a bucket for each type of person relative to us. Maybe the problem is just that you’re trying to fit Lena and William into the same bucket, that in your case, really only has room for one.”
Kara hums in thought. It would certainly explain a lot – maybe she just had some reorganization to do. “That makes sense. But wait, what kind of bucket is it?”
Kelly throws her legs over Alex’s lap. “Nuh uh, we talked about this. I referred Lena, I can get you a therapist like that,” she says as snaps her fingers. She’s teasing for the most part, but Kara whines anyway before hanging her head.
She’s embarrassed to say that she’s had the same idea as Lena once before – about Kelly giving her therapy, long before she had even known Lena was seeing anyone. And Kelly had assured her same as she did Lena, that she very much could not be her therapist. The conversation had left Kara feeling a mix of shame and embarrassment for even asking. But Kelly had been comforting and understanding in return and Kara had found herself not for the first time, feeling lucky that Kelly was part of their lives now.
They’ve broached the subject again since then, but every time the idea surfaces again she finds herself shying away from it. Back when the DEO had agents who knew her identity it would’ve been easier. Even if the DEO hadn’t been reduced to rubble, it had still been compromised on their new Earth with Lex running it, and everyday Kara feels more and more like she’s missed her window of opportunity. It’s not that she can’t get therapy – she just feels that so much of what needs to be addressed revolves around her being an alien and Supergirl. The idea of having to rewrite the script of her life to make it human friendly makes Kara’s head hurt. She finds herself moping slightly as she shovels another chip into her mouth.
“Well if I was gonna guess, I’d say you were trying to fit William into the ‘currently pursuing’ bucket,” Alex says slowly like she’s calculating an equation in her head. “So if he doesn’t fit in there anymore because of Lena, then that would mean…” her sister trails off before quizzically turning to Kelly, who offers no more than an eyebrow raise.
But Kara isn’t paying much attention to them anymore, because suddenly her entire world has shifted on its axis. She feels as though her stomach has dropped completely out of her body and her face goes hot as her hearing becomes muffled. Alex’s words cycle on repeat in her head, then that would mean…. And it's like she’s discovered all the world's secrets – like every thought and feeling and action all makes sense now. Like there was a piece of a puzzle missing that’s been hiding there this entire time.
William doesn’t fit anymore because she’s no longer pursuing him.
She’s pursuing Lena.
And then all at once, Kara finds herself replaying the last few months – the last few years, really. How invested she is – has always been – when it comes to Lena. How her secret had hung heavy between them in a way that felt more terrifying than it has with anyone else before.
How their fallout felt more like a breakup than her conversation with William last night did. All the lengths that she’d gone to fix things between them.
Changing history to save a friendship? Kara hears her sister’s voice one again, breaking through her racing mind, and she finds herself wondering how she’s made it over four years now, never once realizing what’s really been going on here. And then her thoughts do a complete 180 as she suddenly realizes how embarrassingly attractive she’s always found Lena – how she had always chalked it up to friendly admiration. Has she been unknowingly checking Lena out this entire time? She can feel her face get even hotter and she’s seconds away from launching into a full blown panic before her hearing starts to fade back in.
“Kara?” Alex’s voice is raised slightly and the look on her face is concerned. Kara hones in on Alex and Kelly’s heartbeats until she can feel her own start to slow as she centers herself again. She takes several calming breaths before her eyes snap back up to them. Kara finds herself launching back into the conversation before she remembers that Alex and Kelly were not privy to her own existential crisis only seconds before.
“Did you two know about this?!” Her voice is higher and louder than intended in her panicked state and her tone comes out unintentionally accusatory. It has her sister immediately rising to the defense.
“Me??” she says incredulously. “What am I, a mind reader? I didn’t even know you were gay!”
“I thought you had a radar or something!”
“Well evidently not I guess!”
“Guys!” Kelly’s voice breaks through, and it has Kara and Alex snapping their mouths shut.
A long moment of resounding silence follows as Kara realizes they’ve all come to the same conclusion. That wave of panic returns to Kara’s gut and her voice is smaller this time when she looks back up to them.
“What do I….what am I gonna do?” Kara finds herself breathless. “I just got Lena back, I can’t complicate this again with another secret.” She feels like she’s about to spiral under the weight of it all.
“Hey now, it’s alright.” Kelly opens her arms and gestures until Kara crawls from her place on the floor to sit between them on the couch. Their warm hands find their way to Kara’s back, rubbing soothing circles. Some of the tension leaves her shoulders. She props her elbows on her knees before burying her head in her hands. Alex nudges her shoulder gently and it has Kara moving her hand aside to peak at her sister.
“I get it,” Alex begins. “I really do.” She grabs for Kara’s knee before continuing. “You’re probably realizing a whole lot right now that was never even a blip on your radar before.” Two beats later, she says, “ I’m realizing a whole lot.”
Kara snorts behind her hands, “That’s an understatement.” Shaking her head for a moment, she turns to Kelly with a quiet voice, “Did you?...did you know?”
Kelly shrugs lightly in response. “I mean – I kinda thought you and Lena had a thing when I first met you guys. I thought that was one of the reasons James was having problems with Lena.”
Alex leans over Kara’s back, just as Kara sits up straight. “You what ?” they blurt out in unison.
“You never told me that.” Alex looks just as dumbfounded as Kara feels. Kelly gives Alex a look that says later, before she turns back to Kara. She continues to rub comforting circles on her back.
“The most important thing here is that nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.” Kelly makes it sound so easy.
“How, though? How does this not change things?” Kara asks in complete disbelief.
“Kara, this is nothing like your secret. You aren’t deceiving Lena about who you are or pretending to be someone else,” Alex says.
“Yeah I know, but I’d still feel like I’m not being honest. And after everything, I’m never gonna be able to keep up a pretense with her.” Kara sighs. She looks at Alex and Kelly, biting her bottom lip. “She’s gonna know I’m hiding something.”
Deep down, she knows that she’s overthinking it – that part of the agreement between her and Lena was that clearer air between them didn’t mean they were privy to every aspect of each other's lives.
Still, she finds she can’t help the pang of anxiety at her new found revelation.
She has feelings for Lena. Big, deep feelings, of the non platonic sort. And it’s like a switch has flipped, or Pandora’s box has opened. Now that she knows, she can’t stop thinking about it and she can’t lock it away and pretend it doesn’t exist.
Alex hesitates, before turning to Kara again. “I mean…would it really be that bad to just…?” And then she’s making a vague gesture with her hands, and it launches Kara off the couch.
“To just tell her? No way! I can’t risk doing that. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? Or worse, what if this changes everything between us? Again .” She’s fully pacing around the room now.
“Ok first of all, I don’t think you’re giving Lena nearly enough credit here. I know this is scary and all, but after everything the two of you have been through together, do you really think Lena would just drop you because it turns out you care about her, more than you both thought?”
When her sister puts it that way, it does sound kind of ridiculous. One of the things Lena had confessed to her eventually, was that she struggled with not knowing Kara’s true intentions. Had she kept Lena so close because she actually cared? Or was it because she wanted to keep an eye on the residential Luthor? Kara had of course vehemently insisted it was the former rather than the latter. She doesn’t think Lena truly understood, though, until she explained her untimely run in with Mxy – that had been an interesting night to say the least.
“Look, Kara – I’ve been here before. Telling Maggie how I felt back then was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done in my life. And that’s really saying something, all things considered.” Kara pauses in her pacing to face her sister again. “But with you and Lena…it’s different. There wasn’t years worth of history between Maggie and I. It would take a whole lot to break that after everything. You guys survived this long, something like this wouldn’t even be a dent in comparison.”
As Alex rationalizes, Kara can feel some of the weight lifting off her chest. She finds herself going back to her conversation with Lena on the roof. If you want something, you have to ask.
When Kara continues to pace again, she feels a flicker of hope come over her.
What is the worst that could happen? Lena stops talking to her? Kara’s already been through that, and then some. And while she’d rather not relive the experience, she knows somehow, as hard as that’d be, she’d get through it with time. She finds Alex’s thought process resonating though – while that would be the worst case, it was unlikely at this point. Lena wanted to be in her life, that much was certain.
So what was the best case scenario? A distinct image of her and Lena kissing bubbles to the surface and it has her stomach immediately flipping – and now that she’s imagining it, she can’t stop imagining it. She can feel her ears get hot as she tries to erase the seared image from her brain, embarrassed at her train of thought with Alex and Kelly only a few feet away. When she comes to a stop again, they’re looking at her in what can only be described as concerned fondness.
“I – I don’t even know if Lena likes girls,” Kara stumbles over her words. “Heck, I didn’t even know I liked girls. I don’t even know what I am.”
“Don’t get hung up on trying to label yourself right now. There’s no rush. And if you never want to label yourself, that’s fine too,” Kelly says. “But for the record, I don’t think you have to worry about Lena being caught off guard by all this.” And for the second time that day, Kelly finds herself on the receiving end of emphatic disbelief from the Danvers sisters.
“ What ?”
Alex interjects before Kara can start ranting again, “Ok, now you really need to explain.” Kelly just gives them a calm look.
“Sometimes Lena and I do this thing where we sit and we talk.” Kelly shrugs her shoulders. “It’s groundbreaking, I know.”
Alex narrows her eyes at Kelly’s sarcasm before she playfully nudges her, “Ok you stinker, so what exactly are you saying then?”
“I’m saying just because I referred Lena to a therapist, doesn’t mean she and I don’t talk about personal stuff.” Kara can feel that flicker of hope rising again, at Kelly’s words, and she knows that she just needs one more final push to take that leap – to believe she actually has a shot here.
“So what does that mean for me?” Kara asks.
Kelly meets her eyes directly and it has that hope blossoming further. “It means don’t worry about blindsiding her,” she says it reassuringly, but her words hold a finality – Kara can tell that Kelly won’t offer up more specifics as to what Lena has divulged to her. She’s upset for a microsecond that she has nothing more to go on, but it’s immediately followed by intense gratitude that Lena has someone else in her life that she trusts – someone who respects that trust. Still, Kara can’t help but run through scenarios.
Maybe Kara always had a feeling. Maybe that’s why Andrea’s face was one of the first to come to mind when the idea of Lena dating someone became a possibility. But does she know Kara likes her? Does she like Kara? She has to stop herself from continuing down a rabbit hole, when really what Kelly is saying is simple. Take a chance and go for it .
With her hands on her hips, Kara tilts her head all the way back, like the ceiling is going to somehow offer her all the answers. Nothing sounds better than a three hour nap right about now. Self discovery was exhausting . Kara makes her way back to the couch again, this time crowding the whole thing as she maneuvers her head into Kelly’s lap and her legs onto Alex’s. Her sister groans in protest, but holds her feet anyway.
“I’m not so sure I know how to do this…woo a girl and all.”
Alex squeezes her foot. “Kara, you flew around the world to get Lena her favorite treats.” She’s about to protest, but Alex gives her a pointed look. “Trust me, you know how. Just do everything you’ve been doing, but with a different frame of mind. And besides, if you need any advice, that’s what we’re here for.” Kelly hums in affirmation. Sandwiched between the two of them, Kara feels at peace, knowing that whatever happens, they’ll be here.
With a different frame of mind. How hard could that be?
It turns out, ‘how hard can that be’ is a lot harder than Kara envisioned. They’re so busy in the following weeks, that there is hardly any time outside of work for Kara to even begin to broach the subject with Lena. She had chickened out during their movie night, rationalizing that it was too soon – it was their ‘first’ movie night after all. Lena had seemed just as nervous as Kara, that luckily, any of her weirdness went largely unnoticed. She had vowed to bring it up at their next get together. But then the list of sources her and William were working on had been utterly ripped apart by Andrea in their stand up. They had been left floundering to find replacements to meet their tight deadline.
Most of the following week had Lena’s time consumed with the rebranding effort to move Luthorcorp back to L-Corp – a press conference was held before the weekend, which Kara had also attended. She must have given every person in attendance the stink eye as she did several laps in the surrounding area, x-raying everything in sight. Lena had been so relieved there weren’t any incidents during the event – Kara didn’t have the heart to potentially ruin that high with a proverbial “I have feelings for you” bomb.
In a never ending stream of luck, it seems, the week following that continued to be hectic. National City had been hit by an unusual bout of snow that had left most of the citizens at an utter loss. Lena and Brainy had been monitoring the city in search of alien activity, but the signature continuously moved with seemingly no pattern. Nia had attempted to dream in order to find the signature’s next location, but with little success thus far. As it became abundantly clear that National City was ill prepared for such weather, Supergirl had joined the efforts in salting roads and removing snow.
She had tried melting a large pile of snow with her heat vision, but it had only resulted in the water left behind freezing into a layer of black ice. She had eventually opted to manually shoveling as it continued to fall at an alarming rate. The only plus side had been that crime had seemed to wane considerably as most of National City remained indoors.
Kara’s in the middle of another round of patrol on the third day of snowfall, when suddenly the city darkens below her.
“Oh, now what?” She surveys the area, before deducing roughly half the city just lost power. Her annoyed huff produces a cloud in the air – she taps her earpiece. “Do you guys copy?”
She’s met with silence on the other end.
They must have lost power at the Tower too. She stops mid flight to take a moment and breathe. The snow falls consistently, but slowly. Kara can’t help but think that despite it being a complete nuisance, it looks beautiful from her view in the sky. She wishes she could bring Lena up here and tell her everything. It couldn’t possibly go too wrong, with a view like this. The air is quiet in that way it only gets when fresh snowfall is on the ground, absorbing some of the loudness of the city. It’s peaceful.
She’s just considering flying over to the Tower herself, when Lena’s voice suddenly breaks through the silence.
“Supergirl, do you read me?” Kara swears her heart skips a beat at the sound of her voice, unexpected but not unwelcome. Hearing Lena call her Supergirl just hits different, these days.
She taps her earpiece. “I read you. Are you guys ok?”
“We’re fine – luckily J’onn has a generator over here. Brainy just went out to try and get some more fuel. What’s the damage?”
“I’d say half the city is out at least. Any idea which grid went down?”
“Not yet, but I’m not sure that matters much. I think we’re just gonna have to sit this one out. If we hear about any debris on power lines, I’m sure they would greatly appreciate your assistance. But until then, I think we have to just let the technicians do their thing.”
Kara sighs – she knows Lena is right. This isn’t really in their wheelhouse. They need to figure out what’s causing the snow first and foremost, and let the rest of the city do their part.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” A moment of amicable silence comes over them, and it’s what makes Kara realize for the first time, that they’re alone on their comms. Alex had taken the night off to spend time with Kelly. J’onn had taken to meditating in hopes of being able to sense the source of the storm. Nia was spending every moment she wasn’t needed, dreaming. And with Brainy out for fuel, Lena is currently the only one online.
Kara finds her heart beginning to race – that’s been happening a lot lately. She suddenly feels like this is it – the moment she’s been waiting for. Just go for it Kara.
“So….nice weather we’re having, huh?”
And just like that, any confidence she was beginning to feel immediately seeps out of her . Nice weather? Real smooth. If she were near a wall, she’d bang her head against it.
But Lena laughs anyway, and Kara feels some of her confidence return. If she could just keep making Lena laugh, Kara thinks she would be happy regardless. She spots Lena’s penthouse in the distance – the usually lit up building is shrouded in darkness.
“I can see your place from here. Looks like you’re out too.”
“Yeah, I just got an alert about the generators kicking in at L-Corp too. We can regroup in my lab if we can’t get everything back up over here.”
“Sounds good.” Kara thinks for a moment. “Wait, doesn’t your penthouse have a generator? I thought rich people had things like that.”
Lena snorts, “I do have one. I usually get an alert though, when it’s been turned on. If it didn’t go on automatically, then something must be up. Figures, I suppose. I guess I can sleep in my office if all else fails – wouldn’t be the first time I’ve slept on that couch.” Lena hums out a laugh.
And then before Kara can even control what’s coming out of her mouth, she’s practically yelling into her ear piece.
“You can come stay with me!”
The second the words are out of her mouth, she wishes she could take them back. She’s supposed to be talking to Lena about her feelings, not asking her to stay the night. She’s met with the loudest silence that feels like it lasts a lifetime, and Kara thinks she might actually fall out of the sky from embarrassment.
“I mean… if you want to. You don’t have to. I just think that we need you rested and your office couch is good – great even! I would know, I’ve sat on it a bunch. But you know, I read once that you really should separate your sleep space from your work space to promote healthy habits. And just because you did it before, doesn’t mean you should do it more. But your bed might be cold though, with the power out and all. I have a bed, and I’m hot. My body is hot! I mean I run warm!”
Kara’s face is on fire by the time she finishes her word vomit. The Phantom Zone doesn’t sound half bad right about now. Stupid, stupid . She doesn’t even know if her place has power or not, and she’s asking if Lena wants to stay in her bed? She’s just about ready to backtrack when Lena’s voice comes through the comms again.
“Ok.” Lena’s voice is soft and a little breathless, and Kara feels like she just found water in the desert. Ok – be cool.
“Ok…awesome! Cool. For sure.” And then Lena is laughing again, and Kara feels her heart skip a beat at the lovely sound. She could do this. Determined not to lose her roll, she keeps talking.
“Um….do you want me to stop by your place and get you anything while I’m here?”
Lena hums in contemplation for a moment before she replies, “Yeah, would you mind grabbing me some of my chamomile tea from the kitchen? It’s kinda part of my night time routine these days.” Lena sounds a little embarrassed to say it, but the thought of her curled up late at night nursing a hot cup of tea sounds like the cutest thing Kara can think of.
“Yeah, of course!” Feeling high in spirits, Kara swoops down and lands on Lena’s balcony. “Let me just – “ she turns the handle to the balcony door, and is surprised to find no resistance.
“Huh – your balcony door was open. You should really lock that.”
“Yeah, well, only one person really uses that as an entrance, so –”
Oh . She’s glad Lena can’t currently see the dopey grin she’s sporting as she heads for the kitchen, feeling slightly smug.
Kara finds the tea in a small jar on the kitchen counter and grabs a handful. Finding the brand name, she makes a note to get some to add to her ‘Lena stash’ in her own kitchen, which includes all of her favorites. The stash had remained largely untouched for the better part of the past year. Kara had taken to occasionally indulging in Lena’s favorite snacks, even the gross ones, on the days where missing Lena became overwhelming. It had eventually dwindled down to one bag of kale chips. Kara had sat on her kitchen floor for an hour that day, holding the bag like it was something precious. She had eventually put it back, safely in its designated cabinet, like if the bag was still there, maybe there was a chance Lena would come back.
Kara had recently stocked up again before their movie night. Her eyes had gone misty as she placed each item in, a reminder that Lena did come back. She couldn’t wait to add the tea to the collection.
Briefly surveying the rest of the apartment, Kara asks, softly,, “Are you sure you don’t want me to grab anything else while I’m here? Maybe pajamas? A toothbrush?”
Lena doesn’t miss a beat, “Do you have pajamas?”
Kara stops in her tracks. “Uh…yes?”
“An extra toothbrush?”
“Great – I don’t need anything else then.”
The implication is enough to have Kara almost combusting on the spot. Lena – in her clothes. Gosh, Kara was so not prepared for this night. It’s not like she’s never loaned Lena clothes - but that was before she knew about her giant crush. She’s mentally cataloging her pajama collection, trying to decide which ones might fit Lena best, when suddenly, the power in Lena’s penthouse surges back to life.
Kara freezes on her way back to Lena’s balcony. Despite the fact that she felt wholly unprepared for what she’s gotten herself into, the promise of things to come greatly outweighs the anxiety of it all. The universe seems to have it out for her, though. She closes her eyes and her shoulders sag in disappointment. Lena would have received the alert by now, that the power was up and running. She’s just expecting Lena to comment on it, when she speaks again.
“Did you find the tea alright?”
Something in Lena’s tone has her perking her head up again. Kara takes a moment to think – by this point, they’re both aware the entire reason Kara suggested this sleepover is a non issue now. Lena isn’t commenting on the change in circumstance, though. She knows Kara is there – knows Kara can see that the power is back. And Kara knows Lena is alerted when the generator kicks on.
For the first time in a long time, Kara feels bold. Daring. Not wanting to tempt fate any longer, she replies with gusto.
“Yup. You good?” Kara tries to telepathically get her point across – do you want to stay over anyway?
Lena doesn’t hesitate. “I’m good. See you later?”
“Yes – later. You will see me.” Annnndd back to awkward. Kara stands on the balcony, her cheeks heating a little. “Call me when you’re ready?”
“I will,” Lena says. “Oh, that’s Brainy. I think we’re back in business.” A few seconds pass before she hears Brainy’s voice on the comms again, a new lead bursting from his lips.
With newfound purpose, Kara holds the tea safely in her closed fist, before bending her knees, and leaping back out into the snowy night sky.
“Let’s do this.”
When all is said and done, it’s just after midnight when they finally locate the little blue alien responsible for National City’s winter woes. It was a small blobby looking thing that made a sound equivalent to boiling water when touched. Its skin had felt similar to those jelly tube toys that Kara used to practice squeezing when she was young and still new to Earth. Kara had been absolutely smitten the second she had held it in her hands. She’d named it Horatio, and had everyone using the name within minutes of finding it. J’onn had gone along with their antics with both exasperation and fondness. Through their combined efforts, they learned Horatio was made for a colder climate, and could change its environment to fit its needs. After some debate, the Fortress was decided on as a new home for their friend until they could figure out how it had wandered into National City.
“There you go, little buddy. See – nice and cool here. A perfect Horatio home,” Kara says as she places it down into one of the Fortress’ compartments. Horatio starts making that bubbling noise again – Kara thinks that’s a good thing – like when Streaky used to purr at her gentle strokes.
“You caused quite the ruckus, you know. Humans don’t like the cold as much as you do,” Kara says quietly. She blows a puff of cool air towards the alien, and Horatio’s bubbling increases. Grinning, she spends a few moments lightly patting her new friend, until she feels her phone vibrate in her boot.
Lena’s name lights up her screen. ‘ Ready whenever you are.’
Right – Lena’s staying over. That’s still a thing. Taking a deep breath, Kara types out a quick reply, before pocketing her phone and turning to step away.
“Well, Horatio, here goes nothing. I sure hope you’re good luck, little guy.” Horatio doesn’t respond. That’s it, I’m doomed .
By the time Kara gets back to the Tower to pick up Lena, she’s feeling a little less jittery – that lasts all of two seconds the moment she has Lena in her arms. She’s overly conscious of her hand placement for the majority of the flight over. She doesn’t normally sweat, but her palms feel clammy, pressed against Lena’s lower back and thighs.
It doesn’t help that Lena has taken to tucking her face directly into Kara’s neck,causing a tingling sensation to crawl up Kara’s spine. She tries to remember all the other times she’s had Lena in her arms like this. Normally it didn’t phase her, but then again, they were usually in a crisis where Kara didn’t have time to overthink it all. That was also before she realized she was in love with Lena.
In love – it didn’t feel weird to admit that in her head anymore. It almost felt as natural as breathing now – she can’t remember a time when she didn’t feel this way, despite just discovering this part of herself a few short weeks ago. It was like recalling a memory that you thought you’d long forgotten.
Her worst fears come true when Kara lands them into her apartment. It’s notably darker than normal, telling her that the power is indeed out here too. And then she’s feeling self conscience and finds that she can’t go a moment longer without addressing it.
“Lena – I’m sorry. I don’t know why I assumed the power would be on here. I can just fly you home. It’s probably way warmer there. And with lights…To see… This was silly. I –“
Her rambling dies in her throat as soon as Lena places a gentle hand on her arm. Kara freezes, transfixed – Lena’s gazing into her face with the softest look, that almost has Kara throwing all caution to the wind and just kissing her right then and there.
Lena’s voice is even softer when she speaks.
“I’ve always thought your place was a hell of a lot more cozy than mine ever was.” And that is certainly making Kara’s heart feel funny things in her chest – the idea that Lena likes being in her space like this. Kara must take too long to respond though, because Lena quickly jumps in to clarify.
“I want to stay, Kara. If that’s ok with you.”
Maybe it’s Lena’s newfound philosophy about asking for what you want, but it has the loud part of Kara’s brain quieting for once. She lets the confession burst from her lips.
“I always want you here.”
A tense beat passes between them, and Kara realizes at some point in the last moment, that their hands had joined. She could do it now – just pour her heart out. But she selfishly finds that she wants to wait. If Lena didn’t feel the same way, she could live with that. But she wants this – just this one night to allow herself to pretend – Lena here, with her, in her clothes, in her bed. So she holds off – just a little bit longer.
“Let’s get changed and I’ll make us some tea.” Kara pulls out some of the chamomile hidden in her suit, breaking some of the tension in the room. She ends up giving Lena some of her softest grey joggers and her favorite NCU sweatshirt. They light some candles and hold their warm mugs between themselves, under a shared blanket. It’s an intimacy that she hasn’t shared with anyone since Mon-El – a kind she never even remotely reached with William.
Lena’s cheeks dimple in the soft candlelight as they talk about some of the antics of the last few days. Her hands rest on the inside sleeves of Kara’s sweater – it makes her look painfully soft and attractive. She’s seen Lena in the fanciest suits and dresses a person could wear, but Kara thinks she’s never looked more beautiful than when she’s comfortable. The tea doesn’t have much effect on Kara, but before long, Lena’s eyes start to droop, the long day finally catching up to her. It’s just about one in the morning when Kara takes their mugs, places them on the coffee table, and softly grabs Lena's hand, pulling her towards the bedroom.
They’re quiet as they get into bed, Lena automatically going to the opposite side of where Kara usually sleeps, like she was always meant to be there. By the time they’re situated, they’re both laying stiff, staring at the ceiling. The nerves which had started to abate begin to ramp up again, and Kara wonders if she should say something in the darkness of her room. But then she becomes distracted by an almost imperceivable vibration coming from the mattress. She turns to look at Lena, voice almost a whisper that feels booming in the quiet.
“Hey, you ok?”
Lena inhales shakily, fidgeting around on the mattress. She pulls the covers to her chin and curls into a ball.
“Yeah, I’m just….freezing,” she huffs out on a laugh.
Oh, she’s shivering . Duh, of course she’s shivering, it’s snowing and there’s no heat. Kara’s rolling over and responding before she can overthink it.
“Come closer – I’ll keep you warm,” she whispers in the space between them. Lena hesitates, for only a moment – and then she’s wiggling her body towards Kara until they meet in the center of the bed. She gently urges Lena to roll over until her back is flush against Kara’s front, their legs bent around one another’s. She can feel Lena’s shivers – a deep tremble that wracks her body – and Kara wonders if the cold is the only reason. It takes several moments before the tenseness leaves Lena’s body and for the trembling to stop.
“Wow – you really are hot,” Lena says kind of comically, after a long moment.
Kara blushes. “Thanks – my body temperature is a bit warmer than humans. Makes for being a good big spoon in the winter.”
“What about in the heat? Are you a good big spoon in summer?” Lena says.
Memories of childhood surface to Kara’s mind – specifically that one summer as teens, when Jerimiah took her and Alex camping and they had to share a tent and a blow up mattress. The summer heat had been bearable on its own, but Alex had tossed and turned all night with Kara’s extra body heat stifling the tent. She doesn’t think that story is a ringing endorsement as a bedmate, though.
“Oh totally – just gotta give the sheets the ol’ razzle dazzle beforehand,” Kara says.
“Razzle dazzle?” Lena can’t even try to keep the smirk out of her voice. “And what does that entail?”
“Oh, you know…I just pull up the covers, use my freeze breath, and voila!” That has Lena laughing delightedly, her body vibrating with it. Kara feels it through their flushed bodies. It makes her smile.
“I don’t know if I believe you. Maybe we’ll have to test that,” Lena says, and it has Kara’s heartbeat rising – she wonders if Lena can feel it pounding through her back.
Kara tries to keep her ragged breath out of Lena’s ear. “I think you’re pretty hot too, by the way,” she says, and it doesn’t come out anywhere close to conveying the depth of her feelings, but her ears pick up on Lena’s rising heartbeat, and it makes something in Kara snap. It’s late into the night now, and they should be sleeping already. She thought she could wait, but the idea of waiting any longer to have this conversation is unbearable.
“I remember the first time I saw you – you were wearing a black blazer and skirt with a red top. I was supposed to just be there to tag along with Clark. He had made you out to be so different than what I’d imagined in my head.” Kara pauses as she takes in the sound of her and Lena’s heartbeats thundering in her ears like a symphony. “I don’t know why, but something in me looked at you and I just…I believed you. Even though being in the same room as you was so intimidating at first. And you were so stunning, I feel like I could barely look you in the eye back then. But it wasn’t until we met a second time, that I really felt it though.”
Kara hears Lena swallow hard. Softly, Lena whispers, “Felt what?”
“This pull – it’s like this force telling me that I was meant to know you. Like if I didn’t go back and see you again, that nothing would ever make sense again. I don’t think you even realize how much of me is made of what I learned from you. When I left your office, that was the day I told Cat I wanted to be a reporter. And maybe I would have found my way there eventually, but…you said my name, and from then on, I knew it was meant to be on a byline.” Kara can feel her brow furrow as she barrels on, imploring Lena to understand.
“I struggled for so long to find purpose in my life. I had found Supergirl in myself, but I didn’t know what Kara Danvers was meant to be. And then I did, and suddenly everything sort of just…fell into place. I had no clue what I was doing, but you made me feel Super when I didn’t even have the suit on. I think I loved you for that.”
That seems to resonate, and Lena turns over in her arms until they’re face to face, just the span of a breath between them. She sounds so small when she finally speaks.
“Loved?” Lena’s voice is so quiet Kara could barely hear it, even with her super hearing. The suggestion that her love was a past tense emotion that no longer applied, makes Kara want to scream. She brushes Lena’s hair behind her ear, before searching her eyes.
“I was so blind. But looking back now, I can’t remember a time where I didn’t love you. Even when you hated me – even when I was mad at you – I’ve always wanted you.” The confession feels like a pressure valve releasing, and now that the words are out there, she just wants to confess more.
“I’ve wasted so much time already. Time not telling you who I really was – not admitting what you mean to me. I want to know you – everything there is left to know. And I want you to know me – all of me. And I’m terrified, Lena.” Kara’s voice is starting to croak now. “I didn’t want to lie to you again. But the only thing I can think of that terrifies me more, is living our lives without ever telling you how I feel about you.” And then the sob that threatens to break free from Kara’s chest is swallowed, because Lena’s lips are on hers, and then she’s not doing much thinking at all because her senses are filled with nothing but Lena, Lena, Lena .
And then she’s kissing Lena onto her back, her grip so tight in the sheets beneath her hands that for a minute she’s afraid she may split them. Kara gasps into Lena’s mouth, before quickly reconnecting their lips. She doesn’t know when she started crying, but clearly so is Lena, because she can feel the wetness being passed between their cheeks. At some point, Lena’s hand has made its way into Kara’s hair, gripping at the back and slightly pulling with tenderness, and Kara feels like her whole body is on fire.
Lena makes a noise that can only be described as a whine. It has Kara groaning in response and deepening the kiss. It’s exhilarating and earth shattering, and Kara doesn’t think she’ll ever want to kiss another person again after this if it isn’t Lena. She can’t believe she’s wasted all this time – years – not doing this. That she could have had Lena under her like this if she had just opened her eyes sooner.
She never wants to stop.
Which is why she finds herself whining this time, when Lena breaks their lips apart and gently presses on Kara’s chest.
“Kara,” Lena rags out. It takes a second to shake the fog clouding her head. It’s admittedly hard to concentrate on much else, now that she knows what Lena’s lips taste like. The second the fog leaves her, though, overwhelming concern and dread takes it place. Oh no, Lena doesn’t want this . Kara, what are you doing? Get off of her!
Kara goes to move – Lena must anticipate her retreat though because she cups Kara’s face with both hands smoothly, and hooks one of her legs around her backside, holding Kara in place. Even with her super strength, Kara feels like her arms may buckle from holding herself up. Lena uses her thumbs to gently wipe at Kara’s tear stained cheeks. She looks up at Kara with such a fierceness in her eyes – it steals the breath from Kara’s lungs.
“I have never, nor will I ever, hate you. Ever . Do you understand?” Lena’s tone is firm and unyielding – not much unlike when she asserts herself at L-Corp. Kara can do nothing but nod, before Lena continues. “I tried, I really did, to convince myself that I hated you. And that would have been so much easier. Otherwise I would have had to admit to myself that the only reason I was so hurt by what you did was because I was so in love with you. But I only ended up hating myself.” With that, Lena’s face crumbles as she hides her eyes behind her hands.
Kara’s heart breaks at the sight.
“Shh, Lena, no – we’ve been through this before. We can’t keep going back there. We’ve already forgiven each other, don’t you think it’s time we forgive ourselves now?”
Kara wants to look into Lena’s eyes again, but she doesn’t try to pry Lena’s hands away from her face, offering some semblance of privacy. So she keeps talking.
“Haven’t we punished ourselves enough?” Kara uses her nose to nudge the side of Lena’s face, hoping to get her out of her shell again. Lena hiccups out a sob, and Kara gives her a few moments until her sniffling begins to calm.
Eventually Lena wipes slowly at her eyes, and lets her hands drop until Kara can see her face again. Her eyes are red and puffy. It takes her another long moment before she speaks again.
“I’m afraid too,” Kara whispers back. “But we can be afraid together. Believe me when I say, I don’t think there is anything that we can’t overcome if you’re by my side.” Lena looks away now – up at some spot on the ceiling.
“What if we don’t work?” Lena asks shakily, like she’s trying to talk herself out of it before they’ve even begun.
Kara would be lying if she said she didn’t have the same fear. But she thinks back to what Alex said all those weeks ago, and it makes her feel brave.
“Then we go back to being friends. That’s not a bad deal at all, in my opinion,” Kara says.
Lena’s eyes are back on Kara, her soft eyes studying her “It’s not always that simple Kara.”
“I know, but I’ve done it several times now. And not to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty good at it.” Lena shakes her head and tries to hide the smile from forming on her lips, but it’s still subdued and dejected.
Kara shifts some of her weight off of Lena to give her a bit more room to breath. “Look, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But the best things are always worth fighting for. I’m not about to throw in the towel on us. I don’t care what capacity I’m in your life, I just want to be in it. If that’s just as a friend, that’s more than ok with me. But if there is even a one percent chance you feel anywhere close to what I feel, then I want to take that leap with you.”
“I do, Kara. I always have.” Lena lets out a quivering exhale. “I guess I just…I never thought I had a chance to begin with. And then this past year happened, and I never thought you’d even want me back in your life again as a friend, let alone something more than that. I wasn’t even sure you liked women, if I’m being perfectly honest.”
Kara huffs, “Yeah, well join the club – I’m a little slow on the uptick sometimes.” She tries to keep her tone nonchalant. “Do you…have something going on with Andrea by the way?...”
“Do you have something with William?” Lena retorts with an eyebrow raise.
Kara should have expected that response. She feels slightly thrilled, though, at the idea that Lena might be jealous. She has no reason to be.
“He’s not you, Lena.” Kara takes her hand and rests it on Lena’s cheek, softly running her thumb over her jawline. The motion has Lena’s eyes fluttering closed, as she leans into Kara’s touch. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now – I know this is a lot. Alex always says I’m as impatient as they come.” Kara runs her thumb along Lena’s brow, until Lena’s eyes crack open again. “But I’ll wait – as long as you need me to. I’m not going anywhere.”
Something in Lena’s face shifts then, and her dejected look from before is replaced by something else that Kara recognizes – contentment. Lena tugs at the hem of Kara’s shirt for a bit, and then her hands are on Kara’s waist and shoulders, pulling until Kara’s once again lying on top of her. Kara lets herself bury her face into Lena’s neck, as Lena rubs soothingly at Kara’s back.
They’re not even kissing anymore, but it feels like one of the most intimate moments of Kara’s life.
“I just need a little time – can we take it slow?” Lena breathes into her ear. Kara peaks her head out from where it’s buried.
“Yes that sounds amazing,” she says eagerly. “I was so nervous. I know I kinda did this out of order – kissing you before I’ve even taken you out properly – “
“Kara, you used a body temperature line to get me in your bed,” Lena interrupts in amusement.
Kara grimaces and presses her face further against Lena’s neck. “Ok that’s – I don’t even – “ Lena’s fully smirking now, with her brow raised again in challenge.
“Ok first, in my defense – I wasn’t thinking straight – you were too distracting.”
“Me?! What did I do?!”
“And second, you’ll have to cut me some slack,” Kara mumbles, a little embarrassed. “This is new for me – being the initiator. I really want to do this right, though.” She looks at Lena with all the earnestness she feels in her chest, and sees it reflected back in Lena’s face.
If you want something, ask for it.
“Let me take you out? On a real date,” Kara says. “I want to buy you dinner and take you for a walk in the park, and slow dance under that gazebo we always pass. I want to hold your hand and walk you home. I want to kiss you at your door and text you all night about how I miss you already.”
Lena lets out a noise that sounds like a cross between a sob and laugh. Her eyes trace over Kara’s face, like she’s trying to memorize every line.
“Yes, Kara!” Lena laughs. “I’d love that.”
Kara’s smile stretches wide across her face. It only gets wider when Lena smiles back. Maybe she knew how to woo a girl, after all. Kara can’t say she has no regrets about the way things unfolded, but she does know one thing for sure – if she had to go back and relive it all again from the beginning – she would, if it meant they ended up here. Lena agreeing to a date, cuddled next to Kara in bed, her pants eventually thrown off in the night, because oh my god, you really are hot, Kara, and she’s never going to get tired of Lena saying that even if she’s just talking about the temperature.
Kara has no doubts now, that this is where they were always meant to be. And she can’t wait to see what the future holds for them next.
Kara and Lena. Lena and Kara.
It sounds like destiny.
It sounds like home .
She can’t wait to tell Horatio.