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Something We Do Now

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It’s Friday night. Buck and Eddie have a miraculous three days off in a row. On a weekend.

Maybe not so miraculous because they’ve been working doubles and triples to earn these days. Christopher’s coming back from camp Sunday afternoon and Eddie wanted another full day off before going back to full-time dad. Buck jumped on that train as soon as Eddie mentioned it.

So now it’s Friday night and they’ve got two large pizzas in front of them on the coffee table. They’ve decided to undertake a Mission: Impossible marathon. They’d worked a 24 hour shift that ended that morning. They both slept until early afternoon. Eddie on his own bed, Buck on Christopher’s bed, his legs hanging off the edge.

They’d puttered around the house, cleaning up and doing laundry in hopes of being able to just enjoy themselves all day Saturday. The pizza showed up at 6pm and they popped the first Mission: Impossible. They’re just about finished with the third installment and they’re both pretty drunk at this point. They’d started with beers, but at a certain point the whiskey was brought out. Just a little bit for each of them, but enough to settle warmly in their stomachs and bring the relaxation they’d both been reaching for all day.

Feet propped up on the coffee table, their shoulders are just barely touching and their heads loll toward each other. 

Apropos of nothing, Eddie says, “You think it’s weird we have a Friday off and we’re just sitting here together watching movies?”

“What, you sick of me?”

Eddie taps his foot against Buck’s. “No. I just—we’re two good-looking, single firefighters in Los Angeles. We didn’t even consider going out to a bar. Or anywhere you might find people to meet.”

Buck shrugs. “I don’t need to go out and meet new people.”

“Why? Do they just show up at your door?”

“Yep. I’m like a siren.”

Eddie shakes his head in exasperation. “Buck. I’m serious. You haven’t dated anyone since Ali. Anyone. Not even a date. Unless you’re keeping it from me. And that was over a year ago.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“That’s different. Shannon died. And we were married. Plus, it’s hard to date as a single father.”

“You know I can watch Christopher. That shouldn’t be a reason to not date.”

Something undefined churns in Eddie’s stomach. “I don’t want that.”

“So, what? You’re just gonna be single forever because you have a kid?”

“Maybe. At least for now. It’s too complicated. But you should go out and meet people your own age.”

“Okay, grandpa. You’re like 5 years older than me.”

“It’s not just about age. Being a father—a single father at that—is a lifetime away from being 28 and single.”

Buck bristles at that. He’s not sure what bothers him so much about what Eddie’s saying, but he definitely doesn’t like it. “Sure. Yeah. I guess I can’t possibly know how difficult your life is. Not like I’m not here every day to see it.”

“That’s my point. You’re here every day. Most nights. You’re never gonna meet someone like that.”

And that’s it. Buck’s had it. He feels the same way he did when he couldn’t come back to work and when he met Red. Like an outsider. Like he wasn’t enough. Or too much. Like he wasn’t wanted.

“If you don’t want me here, all you have to do is say that.” Buck stands up, tripping a little from the booze. “I’m gonna call a Lyft and get out of your space.”

Eddie jumps up. “What? No. Buck, that’s not what I meant.” 

Buck is struggling to get his shoes on. He manages to slide one sneaker on with his hand on the wall to balance him out. He grabs his other shoe, but Eddie makes it over to him and grabs it from his hand, throwing it across the room.

“What’d you do that for?”

“To keep you from leaving.”

“Well, too bad. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Only because you think I don’t want you to be here.”

Buck’s face scrunches up. “Wait. I’m confused now.” He tries to push past Eddie to retrieve his erstwhile sneaker, but their long and loose limbs make the movement more complicated. What results is a terrible comedy of errors. Buck trips over Eddie’s leg, which causes Eddie to pull Buck toward him. They spin and end up with Eddie falling against the wall and bringing Buck with him. The force of Eddie’s well-developed muscles proves to be too much and Buck finds himself slamming into Eddie’s chest, his head bumping the wall behind Eddie. 

They both take a moment to get their bearings. Once they get their thoughts in order, Buck realizes his head is tucked into Eddie’s neck and he can feel Eddie’s arms enveloping him into the most intimate hug they’ve ever given each other. He waits for Eddie to realize and let go, but it doesn’t happen. 

Eddie knows he should let go, but he’s afraid that if he does Buck will leave. And he can’t let that happen. He doesn’t want to be alone. As great as the past two weeks have ended up being, a huge part of that has been because Buck’s been around almost every day. He’s felt guilty enjoying some non-kid time without Christopher, but Buck being around has distracted him sufficiently from that guilt. And knowing Christopher is having a good time at camp has helped a lot.

But now Eddie thinks that if Buck leaves tonight, all of this will be over. And they’ll start to drift apart. And eventually they’ll just be co-workers. Buck will come by and take Christopher to the zoo or park every once in awhile, but gone will be the regular movie nights and family dinners. This will be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

And Eddie can’t let that happen. It also doesn’t help that Buck’s breath on his neck is doing something to his stomach he’s never felt before. Not even with Shannon. All the blood rushes from his head and he’s pretty sure the whiskey’s also hitting him hard.

All of that leads to Eddie turning his head into Buck’s neck so they’re each breathing on the other, lips ghosting over skin.

Buck manages to pull his head back to look Eddie in the eye. Something charges between them. Eddie can honestly say he’s never thought of doing what he’s about to do but suddenly it’s like this obvious thing that he probably should have done months ago. Years ago, even.

Before he can change his mind, Eddie kisses Buck. He feels Buck gasp through it, but he doesn’t turn away. The kiss is chaste, lips on lips. But Eddie allows himself leeway to suck on Buck’s top lip and he can honestly say he’s never felt anything like this. And it’s just a kiss. Unbidden, he flashes on seeing Buck lying sprawled on his bed and he can’t possibly dwell on that image for too long because he thinks he might explode. 

Eddie forces himself to pull away to gauge how Buck’s feeling. But as soon as their lips part, buck is grabbing the back of Eddie’s neck and pulling him back in. Well, that’s one way to know how Buck feels about it. The kiss is no longer chaste. In fact, Eddie didn’t know a kiss could be this X-rated. Buck’s tongue is in his mouth immediately, massaging Eddie’s tongue, scraping against his teeth. 

But it’s not just the kiss that’s X-rated. Buck is pressing every inch of his long body against Eddie’s, trapping him between Buck and the wall. Normally this might trigger his PTSD. If not from the war, but from being trapped in that well. But Eddie is intensely aware that it’s Buck pressed against him. Buck, his best friend. Buck, the person he trusts most in this world. Buck, who would never hurt him on purpose. Buck, who since the lawsuit has done everything in his power to never hurt Eddie ever again, on purpose or not.

Eddie had always been taught to be the provider, the protector, the man. That’s what his father taught him, what his culture taught him, what his country taught him. And he’s been holding himself together with tape and hollow assurances since Shannon got pregnant. He could do this because he had to. Because he was the man. He was the one everyone depended on.

But something happens here, now, with him pinned between Buck and the wall. Eddie lets go. His muscles go lax but his body doesn’t budge an inch. He knows Buck can feel the moment he lets go because Buck’s muscles tense as he pulls up the slack. 

Their cocks have been rubbing together through their jeans for a good while now and it’s good, but it’s not enough. Buck seems to agree, but what he does to change their circumstances is something Eddie couldn’t have imagined in all his wildest fantasies. Not that he’s ever had any fantasy close to this. He’s realizing now that this is something he’s wanted so badly, he hasn’t even let himself think about it for fear of never having it.

Buck draws Eddie’s legs up and around his waist, pulling Eddie with him and carrying him through the dining room, down the hall, and into Eddie’s room. All the while his tongue continues to explore Eddie’s mouth and if he could possibly get harder, he does. 

In the moments before Buck gently lays Eddie down on his bed, Eddie can’t help but think this is why all those girls went crazy for Buck. This is the reason Buck always seemed to fall in bed with women, no matter how much he wanted to have a real relationship based on something more than sex. At least, if the stories he’s heard from Hen and Chimney are any indication. Coincidence or not, that behavior had largely ceased since Eddie moved to town.

Eddie can’t help but think it’s actually a damn shame Buck’s been abstinent for the past year. What a loss. 

But if the perfect roll of Buck’s hips and the overwhelming mix of sweet and aggressive movements coming from Buck’s whole body are any indication, he’s pouring all that pent-up energy into Eddie right now and Eddie wouldn’t have it any other way.

“God, I want you to fuck me, Evan.” Eddie’s not sure where that came from, even has to take am moment to realize he’s the one who said the words. He’s never even kissed a man, but he can’t say he’s never wondered. But like wanting Buck so badly, he’s never let his conscious mind think too hard on that part of his sexuality.

Right now it’s the only thing he can think about.

Buck groans at Eddie’s words. His lips leave Eddie’s lips, but they find a place on Eddie’s jaw, his neck, his collar. His hands find a home in Eddie’s hair, which he’s unintentionally been growing out again. “Don’t be offering anything you can’t follow through on.”

Eddie presses his hips up, making it unequivocally clear he doesn’t regret his request.

“Not that you can’t change your mind at any time,” Buck adds as an afterthought.

“Not gonna happen, but good to know.” Eddie’s really not sure how he’s even talking right now.

“You don’t happen to have supplies, do you?”

And that’s the crux, isn’t it? Eddie never let himself think about this and he’s been chronically single since Shannon died. It’s been almost as long for Buck.

“I don’t have condoms. But I got a full physical last month and was clear.”

Buck, of course, got the same physical as part of his job. “Yeah, me too. I have a condom in my wallet if we want, but—”

“Yeah, not necessary.”

Buck breathes out in relief. “Fuck. You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that. What about lube?”

Eddie thinks about it, which is increasingly difficult. “I think there’s some in the bottom drawer.”

Buck’s up like a shot. Eddie immediately feels lonelier than he’s ever felt in his life. But Buck’s back in no time, pulling his shirt off on the way. Eddie sits up to do the same, but Buck stops him. “I wanna do it.”

Eddie can practically feel his pupils widen. Buck gets his jeans off in record time, throwing them across the room. Eddie can see his cock straining against the fabric of his boxer briefs. But then a moment later, they’re gone and Eddie’s eyes widen at Buck’s length. God, he wants that inside him. It’s a primal feeling. He’s never fantasized about this. He doesn’t know what it means or how it will feel or what it will do to his emotions, he just knows he needs it. 

Buck pulls Eddie to sit on the edge of the bed, lifting his chin to kiss him softly. His hands roam down to the hem of Eddie’s shirt, pulling up slowly, then as soon as it reaches Eddie’s shoulders, he pulls back from the kiss and tears the shirt up and off as quickly as possible so he can kiss Eddie again, barely missing a beat. 

Buck presses gently at Eddie’s chest to guide him back down on the bed. His hands find Eddie’s button and zipper as he deftly undoes Eddie’s jeans. Eddie feels relief as soon as the jeans are no longer there to restrain his dick. Buck kisses down his chest as he pulls the jeans the rest of the way off. Once they’re on the floor, Buck arrives at Eddie’s crotch. He mouths at Eddie’s cock and Eddie keens. 

Buck doesn’t hesitate to remove Eddie’s boxer briefs, taking Eddie’s length into his mouth. Eddie’s pretty sure he blacks out for a moment, only coming back in time for his release. Buck takes it all down and Eddie has the fleeting thought that Buck might have done this before. Then he whites out, losing moments again. When he comes back to himself, Buck is licking at his hole and reaching for the lube. 

One finger enters and Eddie’s really never done this so while he expects it to hurt, he doesn’t expect this particular brand of pain. More pain than he could have imagined, but also more pleasure than he ever considered. Eddie feels a tear escape from his eye. There’s something about feeling someone else, someone he loves, inside him in such a vulnerable, intimate place that makes him feel more loved and cared for than he’d ever felt before. More than he ever knew was possible.

“You okay?” Buck asks. And Eddie opens his eyes to find Buck’s incredibly blue ones looking at him with concern. 

Eddie nods his head. “I’m perfect. This is perfect.”

Buck smiles his Buck smile and it hits Eddie that he’s about to fuck his best friend. And for some reason that thought doesn’t freak him out.

“I can take another,” Eddie says.

Buck nods and kisses the inside of Eddie’s thigh before putting his mouth back on Eddie’s cock to take the edge off. 

Eddie’s breath gets ragged after that. By the time Buck has three fingers in him, he’s forgotten about the pain, if it even exists anymore. “Come on. I’m ready.”

Buck takes a few more moments relishing in Eddie’s body before pulling off. He keeps his fingers inside even longer as he deftly lubes himself up. It speaks to Buck’s experience and talent that the time between Buck’s fingers leaving Eddie’s body and Buck’s cock pressing at his entrance is miniscule. Eddie barely has time to register the loss before a new anticipation takes over his body. 

“Look at me,” Buck commands, and Eddie does. He loses his breath and his heart skips a beat. Buck pushes Eddie further up the bed so he can get on his knees and gain purchase for what he’s about to give to Eddie.

Buck teases Eddie’s entrance for too long. “Fuck, just do it. I need you.”

Buck smirks. For a moment Eddie thinks he’s going to tease him for even longer to punish him for his impatience, but a millisecond later Buck is pressing all the way inside Eddie. Because of the impeccable prep Buck had given Eddie, it only burns a little, and in a good way. 

Once Buck is settled in Eddie, he remains still, keeping his gaze on Eddie. He doesn’t kiss him, though. Eddie suspects he knows why. Kissing seems so inconsequential compared to Buck actually being inside him. And he’d rather see Buck’s face for this part. Buck brushes a stray hair out of Eddie’s face and then starts moving.

He starts with long, slow strokes. Eddie can feel the love and adoration in every movement back and forth. He’s not doing much, but he’s not sure how he would even have the strength or wherewithal to do anything. Buck doesn’t seem to mind doing all the work, though. 

After awhile, Buck’s pace quickens. He’s maintaining the long strokes, almost pulling all the way out and then pressing as far in as he can, but his movements become punishing. Brutal in a way that Eddie craves. Call it remnants of his MMA days, but it’s satisfying something deep inside him. Something he’s never been able to begin to understand. 

Buck’s strength and merciless strokes push Eddie further up the bed. He reaches behind him to act as resistance to Buck’s movements allowing Buck in even more. Buck lifts Eddie’s legs up and it’s deeper than anything Eddie has ever known to be feasible. Buck reaches a spot inside that makes Eddie see stars.

Eddie’s not sure if he says something to that effect or if Buck can just tell, but Buck makes sure to continue hitting that spot on every push in and Eddie’s not sure if he’s even breathing anymore. But what a way to go.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Eddie thinks someone’s probably supposed to be touching his cock, but neither of them have a free hand and Eddie’s whole body is both tense and lax at the same time if that’s even possible.

But it doesn’t matter because Buck says, “Fuck I love you so fucking much,” and Eddie comes right then and there. His body’s convulsions seem to kick off Buck’s orgasm. Eddie feels Buck’s cock twitch and then release. If Eddie felt full before, that’s nothing compared to this. 

Eddie can feel tears streaming from his eyes. It’s a release of everything he’s never let go of for the past 10 years. Maybe longer. Something he didn’t even know he was holding on to.

When Buck’s emptied himself inside Eddie, he collapses onto Eddie’s chest and doesn’t pull out. As Eddie gives himself over to sleep, he has the passing thought that he hopes to find Buck still inside him when he wakes.

Eddie doesn’t get his wish, but he does wake up the next morning to Buck’s adoring gaze and that’s enough for him. He reaches out for Buck’s hand and they lie there for a good long while before Buck says, “So I guess that’s something we do now.”

Eddie chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s one way of putting it.”

“Do we need to talk about this?”

Eddie burrows his head in Buck’s neck, pulling him close. “Talk?”

“Yeah. Like, I didn’t know you felt this way.”

“I didn’t either. But it feels right, doesn’t it?”

Buck kisses the top of Eddie’s head. “Yeah. It feels right.”

“Then that’s all that matters. Everything else will come.”

Buck chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s one way of putting it.”