Whumptober 2020 Challenge #17: I Did Not See That Coming - Blackmail/dirty secret/wrongfully accused
They’d decided to meet in Jensen’s trailer because Jared had said, “you’ve got the hookup,” whatever that meant. He was pretty sure that after all this time they’d both decked themselves out if not nicely, at least comfortably, in their respective trailers, but he didn’t really care where they met up. He was just bored.
Capital B bored.
They’d each finished up their respective quarantines and were now waiting for the rest of the crew and everyone to join them before they could start any filming. But they couldn’t just leave and undo all the effort of having stayed isolated the past two weeks. Which meant that for now, they only had each other for entertainment. It was like…
It was like they were trapped together alone in a bunker. Hunkered down to wait out the threat. The apocalypse.
Jensen giggled to himself as he thought about life imitating art, and he was dying to hear if Jared was thinking of the irony too.
He was sick of waiting for his friend to arrive, he was bored! What was taking him so long, anyway? It wasn’t like there was anyone else to hang out with yet.
Humming a little song about being b-o-r-e-d to himself, he decided to go see what Jared was up to.
He walks the literally forty feet to the only other occupied trailer and knocks twice before swinging open the door. “Hey buddy, what’s taking so long, you doing your hair? For who? It’s just us and I already know how pretty it is.”
He closes the door behind him before he realizes that Jared is not in the room with him. “Oh hey, sorry man, if I’m interrupting you taking a dump, I apologize. I just got so bored waiting.”
He spins in a circle, not hearing any response.
“Jared, dude, you here?” The only sound is the shuffle of his own feet and the traffic in the distance. All the normal million sounds of a filming set, even when inactive, are missing, and Jensen suddenly feels very lonely. They’re supposed to be hanging out tonight specifically because it’s quiet and lonely and they finally can so where is Jared?
Frowning, he turns around more slowly and takes in Jared’s trailer. Everything looks perfectly normal, they haven’t had time to really start making a mess yet. He feels like he’s looking for something but he’s not sure what. Well, besides his friend, who is supposed to -
The door bursts open and Jared comes flying in.
“You’re here! Hey! Cool! Hey!” He’s chipper but weirdly, out of breath.
“Hey, yeah, sorry if I startled you, just came looking for you because I was just, you know, sick of waiting, Sorry, guess I just busted in -”
“No, no man, it’s cool, of course it’s cool! C’mere!”
Jared sets a plastic bag roughly on the table and then they’re bear hugging.
“Oh man is it good to actually see you.”
“You have no idea, same, man, same. This is nuts, huh?”
Jensen claps him around the shoulders a few times before they separate.
“I was just saying that! Damn, it is good to see you!”
The taller man is practically vibrating with energy, filling up the empty silence that had felt so heavy.
“Sit, sit! You want a drink? Sorry I wasn’t here, I stepped out to buy some beer.”
“Yeah, that would be great, dude. Wait. You what?” Jensen pauses in making himself a little nest of throw pillows at the end of the couch to fix Jared with a piercing stare. “DON’T tell me you broke our quarantine to get beer-”
His friend is waving one hand wildly to stave off a lecture while he opens two bottles deftly with the other hand.
“Relax, bro, I’m not an idiot. Here-” He thrusts a bottle into Jensen’s hand, ignoring his pointedly raised eyebrow. “I’m not. I paid the guy to meet me at the lot fence, so there.”
Jensen takes a sip, nods approvingly. They are both beer connoisseurs after all.
“Not bad. Alright, I’ll give you that, it was clever. But you didn’t have to.”
“I know I know, but, isn’t this nice?” He plops his ridiculous body down next to Jensen and clinks their bottles together. “Ugh, I’ve missed you and I’ve missed being near another person. This is so whack.”
“At least we can hang out finally. Those two weeks sure felt long in isolation. Didn’t realize how much I got used to always having somebody else around. Can’t wait till everybody else gets here. What are we gonna do until then?”
“You’re probably looking at it? What else can we do without breaking quarantine? You’re lucky I don’t mind staring at your ugly mug after all these years.”
Jensen grins. “I was thinking about how weird it is that we’re actually bunkered down together, alone. It’s just like-”
Jared’s face explodes into an excited grin. “ Dude, I know! I was just thinking to myself how bizarre it is that we’re actually living out that part of the show. You get it.”
He drains his bottle and reaches for the plastic bag. “You want another one?”
“Nah, not yet.” He gestures to his still half full bottle, makes a thoughtful face while Jared cracks open his fresh one. He watches his friend’s throat bob as he swallows greedily from the bottle. Something must show on his face because Jared pauses, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
“What is it?”
“I was just thinking -”
“Don’t strain yourself.”
“Har dee har. No really, since we’re both stuck like this until the others finish their quarantines, maybe we should think about what Sam and Dean would do.”
Jared nods, seriously. “I always think about what Sam and Dean would do. Hard not to. We’ve been them for so long that I sometimes feel like I’m half me and half Sam.”
“WWSD, right? What would Sam do? Or what would Dean do, for me. It’s hard not to get character bleed when half your life has been in that role. I just try to be the best version of Deansen that I can. I’ll kill you if you tell anyone about the name.”
Jared is nodding again. “Don’t worry, I get it. I mean, I got a wife from the show, how can I judge?”
“I guess you win that round! Listen, I always wanted to ask…” He leans more into Jared’s space, conspiratorially.
Jared stops him, hand on arm. “Your face looks like I need more beer for this. You ready?” He waggles the empty bottle at Jensen.
“Yeah, okay. But you gotta tell me.” His eyes are twinkling, mischievous, as he accepts the new bottle. Takes a sip. “Ever since we did the episode where Gen plays herself I’ve been wondering. Do you guys ever...you know…”
“Do we ever what?” Even though he thinks he knows what Jensen is asking.
“You know. Do you guys ever...roleplay? As Sam and Ruby? When you’re doing it?”
The instant flush that comes over Jared’s face tells him all he needs to know. “I knew it! Don’t be embarrassed, I’d do the same thing! So -”
He leans back in, faces almost touching. “You gotta give me something, just between us.”
Jared is shaking his head, hair flopping. “Gen would kill me…”
“Dude, it’s me, who do you think I’m going to tell? You can trust me,” he drops his voice, “little bro.”
“Oh God.” He groans. He hates when Jensen plays the big brother card, because it works. He does feel the pesky little brother dynamic all too often when around the older man.
“Come on, tell me. What’s the most messed up or in character thing you guys have done together?”
The look that Jared gives him is all Sam right now. “Promise you won’t tell?”
“Dude.” Jensen gestures around them as if to say, there’s nobody even here.
“Well, when we first got together, doing the roleplay was really hot. I mean, how often does it work that you bang your co-star in real life? We almost couldn’t believe the chemistry worked offscreen as well. Not having the kids helped too.”
“Tell me about it. I love my kids, but it’s almost surprising we manage to make more than one, you know?”
Jared nods vigorously. “Well there was this one time...we’d just come off of filming that one super hot scene where their sex is so feral, violent. When Sam is getting addicted to the high of the demon blood. We totally came back to my trailer still in costume, makeup, you know, and I said how hot she looked when Ruby sliced her arm open for Sam to drink, like you could totally tell Ruby got off on cutting herself, that little look…”
He hadn’t noticed Jensen opening another beer until he pressed it into his hands. “Go on…”
Jensen takes a long drink, nudging Jared to finish.
“Well, she was real happy I’d noticed she played it that way, so she says, ‘come on Sam, come get you want,’ and it was clear we were going to have amazing sex, again, but being half in character made it feel so charged, so dangerous, so I...I bit her.”
“Well who doesn’t like a little kink now and then? I don’t see why-”
“No.” Jared shakes his head emphatically. “I mean I bit her. Really went for it. Broke the skin. There was blood dripping from the spot I bit, so I licked it up. Just like Sam.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere! What happened next? What did she do?”
“She was surprised of course, but then she smiled at me, and said ‘more.’”
“Yeah! So I did. I kept biting her while we were fucking, and it was so edgy that I swear I felt that demon blood power from the show. At the end...at the end, I had her blood all over my face and we both came, twice, it was unreal…” He’s shaking his head at the memory, still in disbelief.
“Pal, you do not disappoint. Hey - think we could get that guy to deliver a pizza to the lot gate?”
“Oh no you don’t. You are not changing the subject before you give me some dirt on you. Fair’s fair, big brother.”
‘Okay you’re right. Don’t think I can top that, though. I suddenly feel very vanilla.”
Jared strikes forward impulsively and licks a stripe right up the side of Jensen’s face.
“Gahh, what was that, gross, dude!”
Jared grins cheekily. “Nope, no vanilla, you just taste like you, so, spill.”
“Dude, you’re drunk!” Jensen laughs, wiping his face.
“Mmmaybe. But I’m also waiting.”
“Okay, how’s this...it’s not something I have done but what I am going to do…”
“And what’s that?”
“You know how we’re both getting to bring home Baby? Well nothing is more Dean than that car, right? And I’m so totally taking Dean’s leather jacket too, so … so I plan on banging Daneel every chance I get, in that car. As Dean.”
“Dude, nice. Excellent plan. And no one to yell at you about messing up the prop car. I approve.”
“Sorry I’m so boring, Dracula.”
“You’re never boring, it fits. Your character, I mean. Dean isn’t as unhinged as Sam, so it makes sense your roleplay would be more normal.”
“As if any of this is normal.”
“No, but, it is. Like you said, we’ve grown up playing these characters. They’re going to bleed into our lives, especially when the cast and crew become family. I mean, we moved to be near each other, so it’s not like that’s gonna end when we stop filming.
“It’s not gonna, right?” Jared sounds worried now, insecure.
“What, us being close? No man, like you said, we’re family now. Look at our kids, they’re growing up playing together. That’s not gonna stop.”
He hears a sniffle come from Jared, sees that his eyes are watering.
“You sure?” he whispers.
“Hey man, c’mere, course I’m sure.” He wraps Jared into the firm hug he knows he needs. “We’re family, we’re brothers, right? My own brother gets jealous of how close we are sometimes, says you get the benefit of me without all the fighting we did growing up.”
Muffled against his friend’s shoulder, Jared feels like he can finally say it. “I’m scared.”
“Hey now.” He pets Jared’s shaggy hair, just like Dean would do with Sam. “What are you scared of?”
“That you’re wrong.”
He is crying now, Jensen can hear and feel it. He waits.
“I’m scared that this show is all that’s holding us together, and when it ends, I’ll lose...all this. You. The show has been my entire life, I mean, who knew when we signed up that it would last this long and be so special? But I’m afraid that when we’re not working together every day, that you’ll just, fall away. And I can’t have that. I can’t lose you. You’ve been there for me, so so much. You know what I’m like and you support me…”
“Hey. Jared. Look at me.” He is crying now too, moved, flattered.
“You know it’s not just the show. You do. It’s just hard to think about life without it being there. Without us getting to be Sam and Dean every day.”
“It’s practically all I’ve known.”
“Same for me too. This show made us. Our careers, the people we are, the families we’ve made. But it doesn’t define us.” He smirks now. “You know a very annoying person once told me that only you define you…”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe you said that.” He buries his head against his friend’s shoulder again.
“It’s true though. You taught me so much, man, about perseverance and being open about your demons, and what it means to be a friend. You really think that’s all gonna disappear just because we aren’t working together?”
“No, but, it won’t be the same.”
“No it, won’t be the same.” he agrees. “But that’s not necessarily bad. Our wives are friends, we have our charity work together, we’re neighbors for chrissakes. I love you, man, that’s not gonna stop.”
Jared inhales heavily. “I’m not sure I know who to be without being Sam. What if...what if there’s not really anything underneath that? I’m just Sam.”
“Hey, look at me.” he repeats, waiting for eye contact so he knows his message is getting through. “I know you. You’re not just Sam. You’re an amazing role model for so many people. You’re a great father, a businessman. You’re one of my best friends. And know that whatever comes next, wherever we end up, we’re gonna support each other through it. Like always.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I got snot on your shirt!”
“Hey. Don’t ever apologize for being emotional. I am too. I just...struggle with showing it. That’s one of the things I love about you, you’re so open and honest with how you feel. But don’t think I’m not feeling it too. This is gonna be a huge change for all of us. That’s part of why I’m so happy we both get a Baby to take home with us. If I’m really missing Dean one day, I know I can go sit in her and get in that zone again.
“We’re J squared bud, that’s not changing.” He brushes the hair back from Jared’s face. The tips are wet from his tears. “We’ll always have Sam and Dean, but we’ll have Jared and Jensen too. If we didn’t kill each other when we were actual roommates, I think we’re golden.
“I love you, man, we’re brothers, onscreen and off. That’s not gonna change. Alright?” It’s the most natural thing to lean in, touch their heads together in that way their characters do; he feels like Dean comforting Sam, and Jared huffs a laugh, feeling it too.
“I love you too, man.” Jared whispers, sniffles, looks up, to see tears shimmering like crystals at the tips of those thick eyelashes, Jensen glowing golden and steady.
It’s a tiny shift to slot their lips together, faces already touching; Jared releases a sob directly into Jensen’s mouth.
It’s electric and encompassing and their tongues are tangled together instantly, hot and seeking.
Then Jensen pushes him away.
His eyes are wild even as his tongue darts out to run over his lips. “What the fuck are you doing?”
He makes to get up but Jared’s already clutched the neck of his shirt, stopping him. “Please.” Is all he says before tugging him forward, mouth already waiting, and they slide right back together again, insistent, probing.
Jensen twists his face away, eyes squeezed closed, panting. “You said-”
“ I know.”
“We said -”
“I know, I’m sorry-”
“ Never again. We said, never again, we can’t.”
“I know.” But Jared’s hands are on his face now, pulling him back in, recapturing his mouth with force. “Just one more.”
“Fuck, it’s even worse now, you kidding me? We’re both married, our kids are friends, we can’t just-”
“I know.” He’s nodding vigorously, agreeing. But his hands have somehow snaked up the back of Jensen’s shirt, splayed over his bare skin.
“I know, I do, it’s just...we may never be like this again,” His mouth descends to Jensen’s neck as his hands keep pressing.
“I thought we just talked about this, all night, we’ll be okay-”
“Not like this.” He’s back at Jared’s mouth. “We won’t get this chance again, to be like this, alone. We won’t be filming. Won’t be together alone. Come on, one more time.”
“Jare - you’re drunk.”
As if to underscore his point, Jared pushes him back on the couch, clumsily, somehow knocking over their empties.
“Been drinking. You too. Know what I’m saying though.”
How did he manage to climb onto his lap, Jensen’s entire worldview taken over by miles of man, his friend.
“Christ.” He wrenches his mouth away again. His hands are in Jared’s hair, how did that happen? “You know we can’t-”
“Can’t talk about it. Do it again. Let anyone find out. I know, I know, just-”
And they’re kissing desperately again, all tongues and teeth and no finesse, and it’s wrong, so wrong, but the feel of their lips on each other sparks the same.
“Just tonight, while it’s still us. Let’s say goodbye to Sam and Dean, you want to.”
Jensen groans, both aching arousal and crushing responsibility. “Of course I want you, but-”
“This is our last chance, you think I don’t know that? We’ll both regret if we don’t. Come on.”
He knows that his friend has been drinking more than him, drinking a lot, actually, lately, and ironically it’s this that gets him to give in. He feels the same sadness and insecurity about the future. They’ve been each others’ mirrors for so long that of course this ending aches even though they all see the reasons for it.
Quit while you’re ahead.
End while they still respect you.
Leave so that you’ll be missed.
And they will miss this, this closeness, this foiling, this relationship both real and invented.
“Fuck, okay, goddam, Jare, we can’t-”
“We won’t, we won’t, just, please, for goodbye, for us, for Sam’n’Dean, just, fuck me.”
“Jesus- your body, your - yes, okay, shit - do you have stuff?”
He’s nodding frantically, yes, as he scrabbles for the delivered plastic bag, now empty of beer, and shoves it at him.
“You had someone - god damn it - you had someone bring beer and condoms - to the set?”
They’re half naked now, shirts jettisoned, two sculpted chests rubbing against each other.
“No one knows or cares why. I want to. Know you want to. J - tell me you want to.”
Their heaving chests belie his friend’s reticence. But he won’t keep going if he’s in this alone. His hands stay, arrested, at the fly of Jensen’s jeans.
When Jensen lets himself look, he wishes he didn’t. There’s his friend, his colleague, his brother, looking back at him with bated breath, all of the patented Sam Winchester puppy dog expression on display. Neither Jensen nor Dean are immune to those eyes.
“Last time.” He barks out, in Dean’s voice. “Last time, Sammy.”
“Ohh fuck. Yes, please, you know what I want, De- De-”
The character bleed gives him unrealistic moral deniability as he surges forward to kiss the younger man back. Their pants are discarded hastily, and Jared pushes a container into his hands.
“Didn’t just have him get condoms, either, fuck. You planned this.”
He’s already squeezing the lube out onto his fingers, done for.
“Not planned. I hoped. Fuck.” His back tenses, body clenches, he hisses as those thick fingers press into him.
First one, thrust, hard, then immediately two, several pulses, then Jensen scissors them, stretching him. Hurrying.
“God damn. Fuck, shit. Forgot-”
“-how it felt? I did too… but I didn’t, God, fuck me, come on.”
He growls and throws those long, coltish legs over his shoulders with the unoccupied hand, fingers still pumping. He’s using the press of his body against his friend’s to keep him semi positioned. “Are you sure?”
“What the fuck does it feel like, come on, come on.” And he’s using his muscles against him, contracting against the fingers inside him. “Jensen, please.” He doesn’t often invoke his friend’s name, them preferring to joke over the unlikelihood of sharing a first initial. J squared, that was them.
“Shit, baby, alright, I got you, I got you.”
The fingers withdraw and he whines but then a second later they’re back, pumping hard.
“'Kay baby, fuck, you feel so tight, can you -”
He clenches down on the fingers again and chokes with relief when Jensen resumes kissing him, fingers pulsing.
“Shit, fuck, yes, there, how do you always - ahh shit, no.”
The fingers slip out of him but Jensen is shushing him, humming, then he’s pushing in and in and in and how, how had he forgotten what it felt like to get so deep, fuck so hard into his friend whom he knew could take it.
“Fuck, fuck.” Jared’s back is bowing even further, a perfect arc, as he thrusts into him, and alright, one last time, for old times’ sake, feels like a great idea now as they move together.
Jesen passes his hand over the man heaving under him, petting his spread thighs, slick chest, dipping into the cleft of his chin, hooking into the defined mouth and letting him suckle.
“Jared, you feel - you gotta know-”
He’s nodding around his fingers, spits them out to lunge for the mouth above him. “I do - I do, you too, God that’s why I wanted to, fuck, gonna miss this, miss you.” His body is greedily sucking in all of Jensen that he can get, ass constricting, tongue searching, and he doesn’t feel even a little bad in the moment.
“Tell me you get why I-”
“I know, I do.”
And now it’s Jensen who’s pushing the moment, deep voice rumbling, picking up the pace, fucking him so deep -
“God, shit, fuck. J-Rod, I-” He bites at his lips, hard, thrusting.
“I know, me too, come on, do it.”
He growls again, swears, and then strains still against Jared’s long body underneath him, pressed hips to lips, coming hard.
When he quits panting, he sees that Jared is smiling at him dopily. “No shit, did we just-”
“-come at the same time? Yeah, J, we did.”
“My God.” He collapses down full force onto his friend, who merely huffs. He hugs him tightly once before shifting up. “Lemme just take of this and then we can spoon, alright.”
“Alright.” There’s no trace of their earlier mix of emotions, Jared looks sated and sleepy and like he’s gonna have a hell of a hangover when he wakes up tomorrow.
He can’t stop thinking about tomorrow now that he’s opened that box, is still considering what to say when he realizes his friend has already dropped off into sleep against him. Looking over the sleeping form of his friend, whom he loves, he does, but they can’t can’t do this, ever again.
The more he watches Jared’s peaceful slumbering profile he realizes, they can’t talk about this either. What’s there to say? Everything’s already been done and said, and this wasn’t ever supposed to happen again once they made their separate but parallel families.
Each layer of their families was already tangled up in each other and that’s good enough.
Jensen knows that he has to leave before his co-star can wake up, make him jeopardize everything, again.
But he feels like a piece of shit for even considering sneaking out without goodbye or explanation. The strangled sigh that escapes him would be enough to wake the other man were he not intoxicated.
What would Dean do?
Not Jensen, Dean.
He would do whatever it took to protect his little brother, no matter how shitty it feels.
He can do that. He can play the role he knows like breathing, be the responsible older brother…
If he’s not here when Jared wakes up they have plausible ha deniability.
It’s going to make him hate him, and it will suck to work on set without ever acknowledging their last night, but it’s for the best.
He needs to not be here so it can end right now
They can play it off as we were drinking, did that even happen, we’ll pretend it didn’t happen .
He looks back one last time as he prepares to slip out of the trailer. Tonight is their last night as Jensen and Jared. For the rest of location, they will have to be Sam and Dean.
They still have Sam and Dean.
That can be enough.