Chapter Text
John Lennon made a group chat
John Lennon named the chat “arsonists anonymous”
John Lennon added Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr, Jimi Hendrix, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Morrissey, Neil Cicierega and Rick Astley to the chat
John Lennon welcome troglodytes
John Lennon changed their name to MR LEMON MAN
Paul McCartney changed their name to Macca
George Harrison changed their name to Joj
Ringo Starr changed their name to Ringo
Macca what is this for
MR LEMON MAN ...
David Bowie changed their name to Bitch
Neil Cicierega changed their name to Lemon Demon
Freddie Mercury changed their name to YOUR MAGESTY
Morrissey It’s spelled “majesty” not “magesty”.
MR LEMON MAN kicked Morrissey out of the chat
Rick Astley lmao what’s happening
MR LEMON MAN we do not use proper punctuation in this household. is this clear
Rick Astley yh
YOUR MAGESTY how about we add some more people? let’s get the party started darlings
MR LEMON MAN sure
YOUR MAGESTY added Nona Weisbaum to the chat
MR LEMON MAN who the fuck is that
YOUR MAGESTY some random drag queen I found on the side of the road
Jimi Hendrix I vibe with that
Jimi Hendrix added John Frusciante to the chat
Bitch added Ian Curtis to the chat
John Frusciante hey
Ian Curtis hey
Nona Weisbaum h e y
Justin Bieber hey
Bitch BEGONE.
Macca BEGONE
Ringo BEGINE
Joj BEGIN
Nona Weisbaum BEGI
Lemon Demon BEG
MR LEMON MAN BEG FOR YOUR LIFE YOU SWINE
YOUR MAGESTY honey no
YOUR MAGESTY kicked Justin Bieber out of the chat
Bitch so anyways
Ian Curtis what’s this for
Macca That’s what I said, JOHN, and you never ANSWERED
MR LEMON MAN murder
Ian Curtis valid answer
Nona Weisbaum changed their name to Jerry Cantrell
Jerry Cantrell added Layne Staley to the chat
Layne Staley what’s this for
MR LEMON MAN murder
Layne Staley understandable
Macca Who added that Justin Bieber bitch
Bitch hey what are you accusing me of why would I know
Macca No I was calling HIM a bitch
MR LEMON MAN I don’t know but he’s gone now so who cares
Jimi Hendrix I looked through all the people on here around when he posted that message and he wasn’t there so
Jerry Cantrell yeah idk just ban him or something
Bitch eh that’s kinda boring
Ringo oh no
Joj what do you suggest we do? hire a hitman?
Macca oh shit
Ian Curtis I’m on it
Lemon Demon oh fuck
Joj WAIT NO
MR LEMON MAN YEAH I COULD DO IT
Ian Curtis added Peter Hook, Bernard Sumner, Stephen Morris, and Gillian Gilbert to the chat
Peter Hook changed their name to Hooky
Hooky changed Bernard Sumner’s name to Barney
Barney bitch I’m not a purple dinosaur
Barney changed their name to Bernard Sumner
Hooky changed Bernard Sumner’s name to Purpledino Sumner
Purpledino Sumner w h y
Purpledino Sumner changed their name to Bernard
Stephen Morris you say that like Bernard is any better
Bitch so anyways do any of you do contract killings
MR LEMON MAN I’m right here you could have asked me
Stephen Morris NO??????????
Hooky yes?????????????
Bernard i mean if you paid me enough maybe?????????????
Gillian Gilbert I can be the getaway driver
Ian Curtis see told you
Joj sure hope the government or some shit doesn’t see this
Jimi Hendrix lmaoooo
Jerry Cantrell wait I know someone who would probably commit cold blooded murder too
Jerry Cantrell added Josh Homme to the chat
Josh Homme sup hoes
Layne Staley hey man we’re plotting murder
Josh Homme nice
Rick Astley dear any FBI agent who may read this, this is a joke
Bitch great okay who gives a shit so
YOUR MAGESTY we have someone you must behead
Hooky I can disguise myself by putting a neon pink piñata over my face and yeet their head off with a rusty spatula faster than you can say “you’ve made some poor decisions in life”
Ringo how does a spatula get rusty
Hooky metal spatulas are a thing right
Ian Curtis that’s seriously your most pressing question in response to that?
Bitch who cares! just! kill!!!!
MR LEMON MAN see this is why I said the chat’s purpose is murder
Stephen Morris I can run them over with a tank
Macca I’m sorry what
Stephen Morris I’m not even joking, I own multiple tanks
Stephen Morris well technically they aren’t tanks they’re just called military vehicles but whatever everyone says tank
Ringo …
Jimi Hendrix …
Josh Homme ...
Joj …
Layne Staley …
Lemon Demon dope
Ian Curtis that’s a bit conspicuous though
Macca A BIT????
Ringo just slightly
Stephen Morris oh yeah I guess we can’t do that I can buy the disguises or something instead
YOUR MAGESTY it’s kind of worrying how much you guys are on board with this you don’t even know who the person in question is but who am I to judge?
Bernard I mean isn’t that how a contract killing works
YOUR MAGESTY yeah you have a point
Bitch it doesn’t matter it’s Justin Bieber we’re talking about
Jerry Cantrell yeah killing him is payment in and of itself
Hooky oh
Bernard okay never mind you don’t even have to pay us
Joj I’d stab him too honestly
Lemon Demon I volunteer to smash his face in with a crowbar if nothing else works
YOUR MAGESTY fabulous
MR LEMON MAN I would gladly kill him too, you know??? Why am I being excluded from the murder plots????
Jimi Hendrix damn y’all really chose violence
Justin Bieber imagine all the people
Ian Curtis no
MR LEMON MAN HOW THE FUCK.
Macca HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE????
Jerry Cantrell y’all done fucked up
Rick Astley fuck