Tubbo thought that he'd be more emotional. That he'd cry more, that he'd be begging death for a second chance. But, sitting here with Tommy, he's glad that he isn't. At least he can spend his last couple of minutes with his best friend without sobbing all over him. Tubbo leans against Tommy's shoulder, listening to Cat play in the background. Cat was Tommy's first disc that he got, and Tubbo thinks it's kind of sentimental that it'll be the last one they'll listen to together. He's already accepted the fact that he's dying. There isn't anything he can do about it, anyways. Techno stabbed him through the chest, and he's already internally bleeding out. Niki did the best that she could, but Tubbo knows that he isn't going to make it.
That's okay. He can spend his last few minutes with his best friend, which is all he really needs, anyways. Tubbo stares off at the rising sun, watching as the stars slowly start to disappear, glittering and glinting in the sky. "Well," Tubbo laughs. "At least I passed three laws. Schlatt only passed five, and I was in office for less time," he rolls his eyes. "You're going to be a good President, Tommy. You're gonna do really good."
"Not as good as you," Tommy murmurs. "I'll never be as good of a President as you would've been, Tubbo," Tommy whispers, his voice breaking on the words. Tubbo snuggles closer to him, reaching out to take his best friend's hand in his own. "Tubbo, I..I don't know how to rule. Not without you. I can't do it without you, I can't.."
"You can," Tubbo smiles at him, refusing to close his eyes. He knows that once he does, he'll never open them again. He'll close them when he's ready, and he isn't ready. Not yet. He will be, he knows that. Tubbo knows that he's going to die, and he might as well just accept it as much as he can. There isn't any point in sobbing about it. It'll only make Tommy feel worse, and Tubbo isn't going to do that. "You'll have everyone else."
"Everyone else isn't you," Tommy protests. "It's always been me and you, big man. How am I supposed to do it without you?"
Tubbo squeezes his hand. "You know that I'm not really going anywhere," he smiles. "I'll always be with you, yeah? In, like, spirit, or whatever. I know you don't believe in that, but I do. When I die, I'll fuck around with your office so you know I'm there," Tommy laughs, and Tubbo hears the sob that's ripped out of his throat. Tubbo can pretend that Tommy isn't crying, because that's what Tommy wants him to do. Tubbo knows his best friend well enough to know that by now. "Really, though. It'll be okay. It'll be hard, but you can do it. You're the strongest person I know. I believe in you, okay? You'll do good things, Tommy. Maybe I'll come back like Wilbur did."
Tommy is quiet for a bit, just holding his hand. "Tubbo."
"When you go, don't fight it. Don't try to come back." Tubbo blinks, feeling like he's just been punched in the face.
"What? Tommy, why..why not?" Tommy closes his eyes for a second, and Tubbo watches as he squares his shoulders, heaving a sigh.
"You deserve to rest, big man. You've been through way too much. I..I'll be alright, yeah? You deserve to take the best nap you've ever had."
"You know," Tubbo swallows, "I thought we promised to never lie to each other."
Tommy smiles. "I'm not good at keeping promises, big man."
"I know," Tubbo does. He wishes that he could call Tommy out on it, but he won't. Tommy is already going through enough, Tubbo doesn't need to point out his lies right now. "Who are you gonna make your VP?" He asks, holding back a cough. He knows well enough that if he coughs, he'll cough up blood. Tubbo doesn't want Tommy to see him do that. "I think Quackity would be a good choice. You guys get along really well. Maybe Fundy, though. I don't know.." he frowns. "Tommy?"
"I don't want a VP that isn't you," Tommy whispers. "I don't want anyone if it isn't you."
"I know," Tubbo murmurs. "But you have to. You need to," Tommy is quiet, refusing to look at him. "Tommy," there's no response. Tubbo clears his throat, shifting a little. "Toms." It's a nickname he hasn't used since they were kids, but it gets his attention. Tommy turns to look at him, his eyes huge, tears trailing down his face.
"Yeah?" He whispers. "Yeah, Tubs?"
"You have to," Tubbo squeezes his hand. "You can't just..get all self-destructive once I'm dead, okay? That's what Wilbur did, and he went crazy. Please don't go crazy, Tommy. I can't watch you go insane like he did. Be the good brother, yeah?" Tubbo laughs, wincing when it feels like his organs are being torn apart. "Don't blow shit up, don't stab random people to death. I feel like it's setting the bar really low, but I think you can manage."
Tommy laughs, and it sounds genuine. Tubbo knows that it isn't. "That's just a dick thing to say," he teases. "In your final moments, you mock and insult me? Christ, that's just..that's mean, Tubbo."
"Really, though," Tubbo murmurs. "Please be good, Tommy. That sounds weird, let me.." he laughs, gasping at the pain in his stomach. "You're gonna be okay. You're my best friend, there's a reason for that. I think you'll do really good things, okay? I believe in you."
"Course you do," Tommy murmurs. "You have to say things like that. You're my best friend, it's like, your job."
"I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true," he tells him. Tubbo wouldn't lie to him, not now. Not ever. "I'm glad we got to do this. I think I'm gonna go soon, Tommy. It's getting real hard to talk."
Tommy nods, and Tubbo watches as tears streak down his face. "Okay. Let's just listen, then. We both never shut up."
Tubbo knows that when he dies, Tommy is going to say a lot of things he wanted to say when he was alive. Which is okay, Tubbo knows what he'll say. He'll say that he loves him, Tommy'll tell him how sorry he is and how it's his fault. He'll blame himself and say all the things he never said when Tubbo was alive. That's okay, he already knows all of those things. Tubbo knows that it isn't Tommy's fault, he knows that Tommy loves him. He knows everything that Tommy could ever say to him. He doesn't need to hear the words out loud.
He knows Tommy is going to beat himself up over it if he doesn't say them, though.
"Say it," Tubbo rasps. "The things you're thinking, say it. You're not going to get over it if you don't."
"I love you," Tommy whispers. "I love you. I'm going to miss you so much, and I'm so sorry I never was a better friend. I'm so sorry, Tubbo. I'm so sorry."
"Not your fault," Tubbo smiles, wishing that he could tighten his grip on Tommy's hand. He's losing control of his limbs, isn't he? He can't..he can't feel his arms. Oh. He's actually dying. He feels panic settle into his chest, but he pushes it away. He'll be okay. "I love you too, Tommy. You'll be okay. Bury me by the bees, yeah? By Spinz and Spoonz. Okay.." Tubbo moves himself closer to Tommy, tilting his head away from his neck. He doesn't want to bleed all over his friend. "Can you just..talk, please? I don't want to go in silence."
Tubbo closes his eyes, listening as Cat slowly fades, listening as Tommy's voice starts to blur, the words no longer making any sense.
By the time the sun rises, he's gone.