Work Header

Drunken Secrets

Work Text:

Patrick didn’t know how David got to this level of drunk, but he did, and now Patrick was in the process of pouring his elastic husband into the passenger seat of their car. David had spent the last bit of the afternoon drinking with Stevie, and actually, that’s how David got this drunk.

David had called him and asked Patrick to pick him up, and when Patrick knocked on Stevie’s apartment door, David’s eyes filled with tears.

David spent the entire way from the apartment to the car talking about how much he appreciated Patrick coming to pick him up. There was something about how much he loved Patrick, but that was when David was walking more sideways than forward and Patrick had to reach out and stop him from knocking a fire extinguisher from the wall. 

“Patrick,” David whispered once Patrick was seated and buckled in.

Patrick hummed in acknowledgement, and turned to his husband when he felt the tight grip on Patrick’s arm. 

“I have a secret,” David blinked rapidly. “I haven’t told you, but I think I should tell you now.”

“Okay?” Patrick felt a quick zing of fear, and let out an ‘oof!’ as David pulled him closer so he was hovering over the center console. 

“You have to promise you won’t get mad,” David slightly slurred. “I need to get it off my chest before we’re married.”

“We’ve been married for a few years now, but okay,” Patrick reached out a hand to rub David’s thigh. “I promise I won’t get mad.”

“Oh yeah,” David grinned at him. But it didn’t last long. His lips turned into a deep frown. “I ate a dog treat.”

Patrick choked back a laugh. He cleared his throat to disguise the nose, but David sniffled and let go of Patrick’s arm to cover his face. 

“Don’t laugh at me,” David cried through his hands. “You’re not supposed to laugh at me!”

“Sorry,” Patrick murmured. He squeezed David’s thigh. “Why does Stevie have a dog treat and why did you eat it?”

“Not today!” David sighed as he threw his hands up in the air. “When I went to see Ted!”

“When did you see Ted?” Patrick was very confused. David just groaned and sat straighter in his seat. 

“Singles week. When I went to go take that box to him. There was a cookie, so I grabbed one and took a bite and he said it was for dogs after,” David said. He wiped the tears off his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater. “Now you’re going to hate me.”

“Why would I hate you? It was just one bite of a dog cookie. It’s fine,” Patrick consoled his actively crying husband. 

“I finished the cookie,” David turned to Patrick. “Don’t be mad.”

“Why would I—” Patrick cut himself off as realisation dawned on him. “Did you eat the cookie and then kiss me?”

David’s eyes were wide and shining with a fresh wave of tears. 

“You said you wouldn’t get mad!”

“I’m not mad!” Patrick laughed. 

“Why are you laughing?” David wailed. 

“I’m sorry, come here,” Patrick reached for David and pulled him as close as he could. “I’m sorry that you didn’t know it was a dog treat when you took a bite, and then finished it when you knew what it was. And I’m sorry for laughing at you.”

Patrick scratched at David’s scalp and smiled as David let out a content, but watery sigh. 

“Why don’t I take you home and get you into bed? Maybe you can drink a glass of water before you go to sleep,” Patrick murmured. 

“Okay,” David whispered. 

When they pulled apart, Patrick still held onto him. 

“Now,” Patrick said, his voice strong and firm. “Who’s a good boy?”

David just stared at him and Patrick had to move quick to pull David back into the car as soon as David opened his door and made to get out.