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No Gravity

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"Joker turn the gravity back on!" Shepard yelled, pulling herself towards the cockpit along the ceiling.

A laugh came from the front of the ship as Joker let himself float out of his seat. "But this is awesome isn't it commander? I can move without fear of getting hurt!" he said, grinning at her.

Shepard sighed as she pulled herself into the cockpit. She had intended to scold him for acting foolishly and disrupting everyone from their jobs, but seeing him so happy made her ease up a bit. "I expect the gravity to be returned to normal soon. This is impairing everyone from their work."

Joker gave her a fake pout, trying to maneuver himself closer to her. "We're not even headed anywhere fun. You should loosen up a bit commander."

Shepard smirked as she pushed her feet towards the floor. She couldn't remain perfectly straight, but she gave it her best. "I'm sure I can find a partner for the night on Omega, hell I might even go to Garrus for a bit of stress relief." she countered, trying to provoke Joker.

Joker pushed himself towards her, catching himself on her shoulders. This knocked her off-balance, or it would have if balance worked with no gravity. "Hey now commander, you're supposed to be the image of perfection. That includes loyalty to your boyfriend."

Shepard clicked her tongue, "That's fraternization between two military personnel."

"And Garrus isn't?" he countered.

"He's not Alliance or Cerberus. Doesn't count." Shepard argued.

Joker nearly growled at her in aggravation before speaking again, even if his speech was just to say "Dammit commander," before he pulled them together and kissing her.

When he pulled away Shepard smirked again, "You're causing a lot of trouble for me. You'd better stop soon."

"Will I be punished if I don't?" he asked, smirking at the commander.

"I'll turn the gravity on myself and let you fall." She said, stone cold voice.

He moved to hover over his chair. "Try it."

Shepard grinned "EDI, return the artificial gravity to normal," she ordered.

"Of course commander," came EDI's voice. A moment later the gravity returned. Shepard caught herself on her hands and knees. Joker was lucky enough to be floating close to the chair, so his fall wasn't too far.

"Shepard I don't think you have authority to do that. Isn't it hazing?" Joker accused.

She stood up and leaned on one hip, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'm a Spectre and commander of this ship. I can do what I please."

Joker 'humphed' and turned the chair back to the controls, ending the conversation before he dug his grave any deeper.


Joker wasn't surprised that Shepard had called him to her quarters. After his stunt with turning off the gravity it's no shoker Shepard wanted to talk to him. He knocked on the door, then stood there waiting for an answer. He heard Shepard shuffle off the bed, the swishing sound of her pants rubbing together as she walked, then an odd sound of stepping in something wet. He briefly wondered about if she'd spilled a drink but the door opened before that thought could develop.

Without warning Shepard approached Joker and let her head rest on his shoulder. Joker was caught off guard by her actions, freezing for a moment before wrapping his arms around her. "Joselyn? What's wrong?" he asked, using her first name since they were in private.

"My fish...they're dead." she said, her words muffled by Joker's shoulder.

Joker moved one hand to stroke her red hair, "What happened?" he asked, wanting to know how to comfort her.

Shepard moved her head so her jaw was resting on his shoulder, allowing her to speak clearly. "They got out of the tank. Jiro also got out of his cage." She told him. "I got Jiro back, after spending half an hour trying to catch the damn hamster. But the fish were long gone when I got here."

"How did that happen?" Joker asked, although he had a pretty good guess it was from his no gravity stunt. She pulled away slightly, looking him in the eye. It wasn't often that her blue eyes looked like ice to Joker, but this was one of those times. She didn't even have to say anything to confirm his guess right. "I'm sorry Joselyn. I'll get you some new ones. For now why don't we clean up the water on the floor."

Shepard nodded and pulled away, turning to go back into the room. She turned the corner into her private bathroom, returning moments later with a towel. Before she could do anything with it Joker grabbed it and knelt on the floor to clean the water. "Joker you'll hurt yourself." She protested.

He looked up at her and smiled, "It's the least I can do. I may be rude and always making jokes but I can clean a floor if it's for you." he said sweetly. A moment later he added, "Plus I can't exactly get to the bed without slipping on this water and hurting myself worse."

A few minutes later the water is wiped up and the now soaked towel is on the shower floor. Shepard helped Joker off the floor, then onto the bed. It took several minutes of fidgeting before Shepard was settled against his chest, with one of his arms protectively around her. "I'm not hurting your arm am I?" Shepard asked, worried she was putting too much pressure on him.

Joker chuckled, "I'm not that fragile," he said, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. She smiled and turned to give him a kiss, moving one hand to his cheek. At first she let it rest there, simply caressing him as they kissed. The moment Joker began growing aggressive she moved her hand against the scruff on his face, earning an amusing reaction from him. He pulled away, scratching at his face. "You don't do stuff like that to a man. A beard is very sacred Joselyn. Messing it up like that is a terrible crime." he teased.

Shepard laughed, "Now you know how I felt about suddenly losing gravity. I was focused on work, just as you were focused on the kiss, until something terribly wrong interrupted."

Joker glared at her, "That's not even cool commander."

Again she laughed, swatting his chest lightly. "Drop the commander. We're in my room, on my bed. I don't think you need to be so formal."

He let his glare relax into a grin. "True, if we were that formal in a situation like this I'd be at a sever loss."

"We wouldn't be in this situation if we were formal." Shepard corrected. Joker simply leaned down and kissed her, letting that be his response.